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reality or mine. Instead, she must cultivate through her action a third way in
which both she and her patient can think about their impasse and do something
about it, including something different from what either one might have imagined
before.
BARBARA PIZER'S FASCINATING PAPER ILLUSTRATES HOW THE MOST important event in
psychoanalytic treatment is often found in what is not happening. The
phenomenon she particularly explores is what she calls the relational (k)not, a
poetically inspired concept that is itself sometimes difficult to tie down. There is a
double entendre that insinuates itself throughout her article, oscillating between
the relational knot that binds the two parties together and the relational not
that negates them through both disengagement and noninvolvement.
The starting point of Pizer's work is her admiration for Paul Russell's concept of
the crunch.1 Though Russell's body of unpublished works has only recently
come to the attention of those outside the Boston community, his importance to
analysts exposed to his ideas (Teicholz and Kriegman, 1998) is clear. The
crunch captures what happens when conventional analytic methodsthe
exploration, elucidation, and interpretation of transferencefail to work, when all
that understanding appears to yield very little of the experience of truly feeling
understood. In this context, Russell argues, necessary crisis of treatment, a lastditch effort, emerges. The situation is a plea that something must occur now or
never or this charade of therapy is over.
Slavin and Kriegman (1998) cite Russell's crunch in their discussion of my article on
double bind impasses (Ringstrom, 1998a, b).
1
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when Palazzoli et al. (1978) argued that the function of its paradox is to negate
family members' ability to define their roles and relationships.
Crunches, relational (k)nots, and double binds share in common
disqualifications among levels of abstraction. Bateson et al., (1956), following
Whitehead and Russell, called such levels logical types. 2 In my examination of
double-bind impasses in psychoanalytic practice (Ringstrom, 1998a), I note that
when the distinction between logical types or levels of abstraction, that is, levels
of communication breaks down, a paradox is generated. (p. 300).
For Pizer, the essential paradox found in both the crunch and relational
(k)not captures something desperately longed for, that is, authentic connection,
simultaneously with a lethal dread of it. What strikes me as crucial to her work
is the recognition that at times these two aims are not simply in conflict but
actually represent levels of abstraction that paradoxically disqualify the meaning
of the other. It is this paradox that makes them exist outside the realm of
straightforward exploration and elucidation, much less interpretation and
negotiation. Pizer's relational (k)not approximates my description of double-bind
impasses in contemporary psychoanalytic work wherein what is perceived as
needed (hoped for) on one level of transference is mutually disqualified with what
is repeated (dreaded) on another level of transference.3 Of course contemporary
psychoanalytic theory recognizes that the analyst is just as organized by her
bidimensional transference of hopes-for and dreads-about the treatment as the
patient is.
When both dimensions of transference disqualify each other, a process of
mutual mystification occurs, which, as Pizer suggests, provokes a host of
questions befuddling analyst and patient alike: Is this me, or is it you? Do I do
this, or was it done to me? Is this moment,
Whitehead and Russell's (cited by Bateson et al., 1956) theory deals with principles
governing how logical types are distinguished into classes and members of classes. The
central thesis of their theory is that there is a discontinuity between a class and its
members; that a class cannot be a member of itself; and that one of its members cannot
represent the entire class (Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson, 1967, p. 193).
3 Stern's (1994) taxonomy of the needed versus the repeated closely resembles the
phenomena described by Stolorow and Atwood (1994) as the selfobject/developmental
dimension of transference versus the repetitive/resistive dimension of transference, as well
as Tolpin's (2000) concept of the forward versus trailing edge of the transference.
2
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now, or was it then? Ultimately, Can I choose what I feel? All these questions
emerge from communication wrapped up in the plausible denial of the relational
(k)not, which, paradoxically, asserts that I am not saying what I am saying.
Pizer illustrates with alacrity several of these frighteningly common incidents such
as the quandary, Is the patient, or isn't he, actually calling me a whore when he
claims that the charge for a therapy hour comes close to what he'd have to pay
for a good whore?
Because they remain beyond straightforward elucidation, crunches, relational
(k)nots, and double-bind impasses must be enacted. These enactments may seem
to bear verisimilitude to contemporary relational theories about projective
identification, but actually they go a step further. The point of the patient's
unconsciously coercing 4 the analyst into identifying with some aspect of himself
seems less about understanding the split-off, disavowed aspect of himself per se
than about flushing out something about the analyst's authentic identity. It is only
in this manner that the analyst is ultimately found not to be a repetition of the
historically dreaded other.5 Indeed, the analyst represents that she is a new
presence, with new ideas heretofore unimaginable to either party.
While Russell's crunch seems to have emerged from treatment situations
involving too much affectivity, Pizer's relational (k)not arises from virtually the
opposite, that is, from insidious forms of noninvolvement that negate recognition
of either party. Pizer argues that this recognition likely mirrors the earliest
relationship between the caregiver and infant wherein negating or nonrecognizing
messages are preverbally absorbed. This makes sense neurologically inasmuch
as the first three years of life are right-hemisphere dominant. That is, the
caregiver's nonverbal behaviors are the ones that are predominantly tracked and
recorded and come to constitute fundamental relational schemas of self and
other. This version of parent, however, may strongly contradict how each parent
actually sees himself or herself. After age three, as the child becomes more lefthemisphere
Inducing might be a better word, as in unconsciously drawing the other into some set
drama.
5 These ideas bear a remarkable similarity to Weiss and Sampson's (1986) Control Mastery
Theory and, insofar as they arise from disparate sources of theory, tend to externally
validate one another's clinical observations.
4
Each author appears to be seeking a reflective state in which the analyst can hold
in mind not only herself, but the mind of the patient. I think that this reflective
state may translate into a sentence something like, There is something about
you that I get, because there is something about me I finally get because of you.
But getting to this reflective state is the first trick.
How do we know we are even in the relational (k)not? Pizer wisely points out
that we often do not know and, what's more, we may not know because we do not
want to know. Analysts can readily participate in unwitting acts of
noninvolvement, especially when what is at stake
I am defining intersubjectivity in this case, as Benjamin (1988), and Stern (1985) have,
as the developmental achievement of subject-to-subject relating, as distinct from Stolorow
et al.'s (1987) definition of intersubjectivity as a field or from system's theory connoting
the permanent influence of the other, present or not, on the subjectivity of a person.
6
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Challenging the very idea of practice based on technique or technos, Orange, Atwood,
and Stolorow (1997) argue for phronesis, that is, practical wisdom over technique.
7
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that my mind cannot do this without involvement in yours, nor can yours do this
without involvement in mine. Any scene in life in which we engage, will be
more enhancing and vitalizing to both of us if we bear this in mind. Conversely, a
cloying act of reciprocating dominance and submission is liable to unfold to the
extent that we do not keep this advice in mind. Absent our nascent sense of
improvisation, we are grotesquely confined at best to politely mannered rules of
turn-taking, frequently bereft of enlivened engagement.
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At such times, I have noted (Ringstrom, 2001c), the analyst must consider
whether or not she will engage in these dramas interpersonally or hold them
within our own state of reverie (Ogden, 1997a, b). I believe that there is
considerable efficacy in both applications, with the understanding that the context
of engagement (Orange, Atwood, and Stolorow, 1997) in the moment is the
best dictate as to which path to take (p. 745).
From her state of reverie, Pizer instantaneously understood what was going
on, although it was never clearly disclosed, and that, for inexplicable reasons, it
must remain unspoken. She writes, I did not need any more words to
comprehend that this man was actually telling me that he had fallen in love with
another woman, while simultaneously telling me the whole thing was
impossible. In the context of being grilled for answers to questions that Simon
was actually not askingand certainly without necessary background information
about his affairPizer suddenly recalled herself as a child being comparably
grilled, by her father, being intimidated and yet filled with admiration for his
intelligence. All this reverie led to a story she spontaneously shared about her
father's advice to a friend ensnared in an affair. 8 It was not advice about what to
do so much as like one of Mitchell's (1993) outbursts advice about a way of
thinking that could help another make up his own mind about his dilemma. Her
story nevertheless loosened the relational (k)not suffocating both Pizer and her
patient and enabled him to take actions to try to sort things out on his own.
In summary, Pizer's article on relational (k)nots, adds to our understanding
of relational moments in psychoanalytic treatment that can no longer simply be
categorized as the patient's resistance. They entail complex bidimensional
transferential themes of need and fear, hope and dread, that capture something
about both analyst and patient. These moments create treatment dilemmas
exacerbated by their not being recognized, which entails the analyst's collusion in
preserving their blindness.
These moments evolve into crunches, relational (k)nots, and double-bind
impasses that require the analyst to do something: first,
Pizer's shared anecdote recalls Jacob's (1991) comparable disclosures of ghosts from his
past, which captures in their telling something salient about the patient's life.
8
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