My Date Last Night

When I did my taxes this year I found out that I spent over $14,000 on dates las
t year. Most of that was spent on dinner and drinks in Manhattan.
Now don t get me wrong, I had some very good times, some great sex, some good conv
ersations. Hell, I even made a good friend along the way, but mainly I came away
from the datefeeling extremely disappointed and with a lighter wallet. Dateby d
ate it s not THAT much money but it all adds up fast!
In the past I had a habit of always grabbing the check and paying whether my dat
e was hot or not. Whether we clicked or not. Basically I felt ashamed to let her
pay. I also kept an interesting statistic and even I was surprised that only 5%
of my dates even offered to pay yes you see that right- 5%! One girl in the enti
re year offered to pay for the entire check. A very nice gesture. But of course
I paid and doubt she was sincere. In light of all this evidence I knew I had to
change some things. So, this year
I DECIDED TO NEVER PAY FOR A FIRST DATE AGAIN.
How did I do this? First I adopted the mindset that a girl should naturally assu
me she s paying for herself
not for me for herself
I pay for me, you pay for you;
we re not at the us stage just yet.
Now this wasn t easy at first but I quickly got used to it. Then when going into t
he bar/restaurant/lounge etc. I would hand the server a credit card and ask them
to open tabs for us. HEY!-Did you catch that? I said TABS. Yah, don t worry at leas
t 95% of the girls I meet miss that one too. Just to make sure I usually confirm
that the server has understood me too. I do this when the date rudely answers h
er cell phone or is in the bathroom (probably using her cell phone).
Guys, you know the MasterCard priceless series of commercials? Well, let me tell y
ou, you won t understand the meaning of priceless until you see one of these girls h
anded their own check for 3 20$ martinis and overpriced food (that they would pr
obably never buy on their own). It s also very relaxing to encourage the girl to e
at and drink up because even at 20$ a pop for exotic gooey blender drinks I coul
d care less how many of them she has cause SHE S PAYING.
Oddly enough when she realizes that there are individual bills there will a few
prolonged moments of discomfort. But don t panic. Something that took me by surpri
se is how many girls suddenly have to go to an ATM . I can t quite figure out if it s b
ecause their cc s are maxed out on shoe purchases or that they are trying to guilt
me into paying.
Well, probably a combination of both, but I m remorseless after doing this for nea
rly 3 months now. Which brings me to my date last night O-M-G!
Of course the classy nice Irish pub I suggested wasn t good enough for her. Nah. S
he needed to go somewhere more trendy. Ok, no problem. W? Hudson? Meatpacking Di
st? SoHo? Where we going? So she picks a midtown hotel bar. Nice place. Little s
tuffy. Drinks, not bad and Macadamia nuts on the lounge tables (complimentary) n
ice! Of course I went through my usual routine, handed the server a credit card
asked her if we can start tabs she said, sure and took the card. 1 drink in her ce
ll phone rang. She apologized, (she had to get it). So I moved into confirmation
mode. Our waitress even missed the tabs part but she adjusted on the fly and told
me no problem. Boy, let me tell you the girl I was with could really throw down
the drinks. She was drinking scotch that was older than the hotel we were in. O
f course I encouraged her the whole way.
She was like, wow they have Johnny Walker BLUE label! I was like,

you ever try it

? She s like.. Nooooooo!!!

I m like, go on..just get some . She s like
st get it!

are you sure . I m like, look, if you want it,

So she ordered one, then another, and finally one more

than a little drunk.

wow she was probably more

I stuck to my Stoli and Soda, splash of Cran.

When
plus
her
(The

the BILL(S) came she

a little finger food
stomach when she saw
old me woulda soaked

sobered up fast. I caught a glimpse of hers, 5 drinks

$319.00 I think it was. She looked shocked and sick to
2 bills. Guess she thought I was buying. Think again.
up the bill but steered her away from the Blue)

I had 4 drinks, no food and a great buzz. Pricey Stoli, but overall still a good
value (I ate a ton of free macadamias and almonds) $36.00. Damn I thought, that
BLUE label will get you every time. Of course she did more than the traditional
fumble through her purse.
Her face was beat red and she was speechless. She left the bill on the table and
excused herself for the restroom.
I had already paid and was sucking on some ice. The waitress was looking concern
ed. I told her, look . Sure enough my date was heading out toward the front door. I
slowly grabbed my coat as the waitress ran after her. Then security or a bellma
n grabbed her at the door and a small shouting match ensued. Can you imagine, sh
e was trying to leave
without paying!
Well, I didn t stick around to see what happened. All I saw was the
standing just inside the front door with a small cocktail tray. She
cerned but not panicked. A doorman and bell hop had the girl by the
and was semi-forcing her back inside, she wasn t getting away from
aid my bill. I had my receipt.

poor waitress
did look con
arm, outside
this bill. I p

But I couldn t help wondering why she ordered 3 Johnny Walker Blues, doesn t she kno
w that stuff is expensive?
Then I wondered if they had to arrest her while I had another drink at my local
Irish pub.
I haven t heard from her again. Too bad, she was pretty cute too.
Author Unknown