DonteWashington

July8th2015
URWIT1101
TheSoundofah
Oboe
Irememberwalking
intothe
WindEnsemble
honorsbandclasslikethetypicalband
geekwithmyoboeinmyrighthand,
enormousbackpackonmybacklikeafreshman
.
The
bandroomwasthebiggestroominthemainbuildingotherthantheauditorium
.Thereweretwo
enormous
oakwoodenlockersectionsforalltheinstrumentssafekeeping,oneoneachsideof
theroom,t
oppedwithaninnumerableamountofgoldentrophiesfromalltheyearsof
Millbrooksexistence
.Inthecenteroftheroomwereallthe
uncomfortable
blackchairswhich
werelinedupinasemicirclearchparalleltothepodiuminthefrontoftheclasswiththe
percussioninstrumentsintheback.
IwasthinkingwhatmusicdoesMrs.Kerrwantustoplay
today
asIwalkedtothewhiteboardwherealltheassignmentswerepostedfortheday.Mrs.
KerrwasthetwentynineyearoldbanddirectorofMillbrookwhowasverypassionateabout
makingmusic.Shewastallerthanaveragewithastockybutnotfatbodytype.Herfacewould
alwaysremindmeofasadpugduetothestressshehadtoendure.Herhairwasunnaturally
blondandcamedowntohershoulderswhenshehaditdown.Shealwayshadaseriouslookon
herfaceunlessforheroccasionaljokes.Theboardread
bepreparedtomove,longtones,Bflat,
Eflat,Gsharpscales,Choral11,RussianChristmasMusic
inthatorder.Iwasalittleconfused
onthebereadytomovepart.
Iwalkedtotheopposingsideoftheroom
tosetmyoboenear
Wendysflute.MyfriendWendyisaaverageheightcaucasiangirlwithreallynicewavyhair
andacutefacetomatch.Shewasaveryenergeticbutawkwardgirlwhowasthequiettype

unlessshewassurroundedbyherfriends.
SinceIwasoneofherbestfriendsshewasvery
comfortableactingweirdaroundme
.Thiswasalrightsinceshewasmybestfriendtoo.AsIset
myinstrumentdownshesaiduhuhdon'tbeputtingyouroboenexttoherGeoffery(herflutes
name).Ijustlookedatherwitha
dumbfoundedlookonmyface
forafewsecondsandcontinued
toassemblemyoboewhileretorting,Yoursayingthatlikeyouregonnadosomethingabout
it.
KnowingWendyIwasexpectinghertosayordosomethingignorant
andjustasIwas
assemblingtheendpieceofmyoboeshetookmyoboecaseandthrewitinthetrash.Shewas
smirkingwhilesayingthere,nowyouandyourcasehavethesamehomeandrantoherseat.
ShewasinthefrontrowsinceshewasafluteplayersoIcouldn'tdoanythingtoher
.Iretrieved
mycasefromthetrashandsatinmyseatwhichwasinthemiddleoftheroom.IcalledWendys
nameandassheturnedaroundIflickedheroff.Shesmiledandwavedbackatmebecauseshe
knewthatwouldirritateme.
AssoonasthebellrangMrs.KerrstoodonherpodiumandshesaidOkaysofor
today'sclassitsgoingtobealittledifferent*mumblestoherself,
Iwanttotrysomethingnew
*.
Soeveryonegetupandformacirclewithyourchairswhilealsosittingnearaninstrumentthat
youarenotnormallyaccustomedto,andgo!.Assoonasshesaidgoeveryonestoodandmoved
theirseatsintoacircularformation.Icouldtellthateveryonewasexcitedtotrythisnewthing
includingme.
Thiswasexcitingbecausenormallywewouldallsitwiththesectionthatour
instrumentwasin
.
Thiswaslikeourassignedseatsfortheentireyear
.Asweputallofour
chairsandstandsinacircularformationwesatdownnexttonewinstruments.Wheneveryone
wassettled,Mrs.Kerrstoodinthemiddleofthecircleandraisedherhandstoindicateweare
abouttoplayonthenextbeat.Wewentthroughourwarmupsaswedoeverydayandeverything

wasfineuntilwegottoRussianChristmasMusic.Ilookedaroundmybinderforthemusic
andthenfeltanicycoldchillracethroughoutmybodyatwhatIjustremembered.Thefirstoboe
player,Hannah,wasn'there!
Hannah
wasn'talwaysinclassatthemost
inconvenienttimesforme.
Thebad
newswasthatshehadtheonlypieceof
themusicsoIcouldntplay.
Ididn't
wanttoplayduetothesoloIdreaded
.
SinceIcouldn'tofpulledoutthemusic
pieceIdecidedtogetupandtellMrs.
KerrthatIcouldn'tplaybecause
Hannahhadthepieceandshewas
absent.Beingtheoverlyprepared
teacherthatshewasMrs.Kerrsaid
Oh
IhadMollyprintoutacopyforyou,
tellhertogofetchitforyou.

Iwas
chokedup
withsomethingtosayatthe
realizationthatIwasgoingtohaveto
playthesolo.Imustoflooked
dumbfoundedtoMrs.KerrbecausesheaskedifIwasalright.
Inoddedmyheadandthenasked
MollycouldshegivemethecopyMrs.Kerraskedhertoprint.SherepliedOh!thanksfor
remindingmeImsorry.Sheranintotheofficeandfumbledaroundwithsomepapersbefore

droppingthemontheground.Shethenfoundtherightpieceofmusicthenhandedittomewhile
apologizingagain.Isaiditwasnoproblemthenheadedtomyseat.
Irememberadjustingmy
stand
nonstop
justtotrytokeepmyselfbusysothatIwouldn'tstartsweatingbythepalmslikeI
usuallydo.Ialsostartedfingeringrandomkeysonmyoboeinordertocalmmyself.Iturnedto
thepagethewiththesoloandsimplystaredatRussianChristmasMusic
withavacant
expression.
Iknowyoumightbethinking,It'sasolo,wouldn'tyouwanttoplaythat?Thiswasn'ta
normalsolo,typicallysoloswereplayedwiththeaccompanimentofabaselineoranother
instrumentplayingthesamemelody.Inadditiontoplayingthissoloinfrontofmypeers,who
liketojudgepeopleontheproficiencyoftheirmusicalperformance.Ihadalsojustrecently
switchedfromtheflute,whichIwasexcellentatplaying,totheoboeaboutfourmonthsbefore.
Giventhisfact,Iwasjuststartingtounderstandhowtoplayit.Itriedtocalmmyselfby
thinking
Maybeitwon'tbesobadi'mjustoverthinkingitandthatdidn'thelpmeatalland
continuedtofret.IstartedlickingmylipswhileattemptingtotalktomyneighborJoslyn.She
askedDonteareyoualright?IjustsaidNoimfine,Imjustscaredaboutthissolointhe
middle.andthenlaughed.ShethensaidOh!yeahthatone,goodluckwiththatrememberits
onlygoingtobeyou.IgaveherahighfivewhilesayingIcandothis.IknewinmymindI
wasthinkingIcouldnthandlethispressurebutItriednottoshowit.

II
. Showtime
IwatchedMrs.Kerrraiseherhandsasshecuedthechimesandwestartedplaying.It
wasafifteenminutesonganditstartedslowly.Ihadarestattheverybeginningsoittooka
whileformetocomeinbutIstillhadtothinkcarefully.
Irememberthinkingjustplaythesolo

howi'mplayingthisnow.
Timefliesbyquicklyforthemusicianplayingthemusicwhether
peoplerealizeitornotsomypartcameupalotfasterthanIexpected.Irememberlookingatmy
soloandjustwantingtoraisemyhandtoaskifIcouldgotothebathroom.Mymouthwasdry,
mylegswereshaking,
myheartwasracing,andIfeltasthoughIwashyperventilating
.I
breathedintoplaymysoloandAsoundcameout,notagoodsound,thetypeofsoundthat
makespeoplecringe,sosqueakyandoddthatyouquestionthesoundsexistence,andallthe
bandstudentsdid.Icouldseethepeople'sfacesaroundme
scrunchupasthoughtheysmelta
badsmellatthesoundsthatcontinuouslycameoutofmyoboe.
Mythoughtsracedasiwas
playing
DamndoIreallysoundlikethis?NowtheirgoingtothinkIsoundlikethisallthe
time.

IjustwantedtogetupandrunouttheclassbecauseIcouldfeeleveryonejudgingme.
I
recallmyteachersayingatthesametimeshewasconductingThisiswhywepracticeWhatif
Hannahwasn'therefortheconcertandwehadnooneelsetofallon?Thiswasherattemptto
covermyterriblemistakeforshesawhowdistraughtIlooked.
Afterwhatfeltlikeaneternityof
peoplebearingtheireyesintomysoul,Ijustlookeddownandfeltdepressed.
Iwasn'thappythatthesolowasover,Ijustsattherebecauseiknewitwasn'tover.There
wasanothersolojustlikethefirstoneI'vedreadedcomingupsoon.
Withmyeyesstaringatthe
groundIwasreadytoplaythissolojustasterribleasthefirstone
.But,IfeltasthoughIhada
chancetoredeemmyself.IwantedtoprovetotheclassthatIwasadecentoboeplayerdespite
thelackoftrainingIhad.
WhenItwastimeformynextsoloIgatheredalltheairIcouldwithcourageandblew
intomyreed.Thelow
note
wouldn'tevencomeoutandIhadtoskiparoundsomenotessoI
wouldstayonrhythm.
IthoughttomyselfNotagain.
Thesoundstillsoundedasthough

someonewereinbeginningbandagain.
Ifeltextremelydisappointedinmyselfforthe
performanceIwasgiving.IthoughtwhatthehellisgoingonwhenIplaythisbymyselfit
doesn'tsoundthisbad.Icouldn'tcontrolmyselfenoughtotryandplaywithabettertoneand
especiallypitch.Iwasrelievedwhenthelastnotewasplayed,whichwaslongandirritatingto
theears.Itriedmybesttoavoideveryone'sgaze.

III
. Resolve
Whenthetragiceventended,Ihappilyacceptedmyindividualbreakandjustthought
aboutwhatIhaddone.
IstillhadabouteightminutesofmusicthatIhadtoplayandIhadaduet
soitwasn'tjustmeplaying.Iwasn'tnervousatallbecauseIhadsupportsoIplayeditlikeI
regularly.AparentlyIdidn'tplayithowInormallywouldbecauseMrs.Kerrlookedatmewitha
surprisedlookandcutthebandoff.
IlookedatherasifIhaddidsomethingwrongfeelingas
thoughshewasgoingtoyellatmefornotbeingabletodoanythingright
.Mrs.Kerrsurprised
megreatlywhenshesaidThatwasthebestwayi'veeverheardyouplaythat.Idon'tknow
howtoacceptacomplimentfromherbecauseshealwayskeptherpersonalthoughtstoherself
whenitcametomusicianship.ShethenfollowedupbysayingOhnevermindimnotsupposeto
talkaboutthisstuffsoletscontinue.ThroughouttheentireremainderofthepieceIfelta
mixtureofdisappointmentandprideforsomeoddreason.Ihadmadetwoterriblemistakesbut
hadplayedonethingwellsoIdidn'tknowwhattofeel.Ijustplayedtherestofthepiece
attemptingtogetanothercomplimentthough.

WhenwehadfinishedrehearsalIgotupandproceededtomycasewhereWendywas
waiting,andofcourseshehadtocallouthowterribleIdidonmysolowhilecompletely
ignoringmyonegoodone.Ijustsaidblahblahblahyoucouldn'tplayoboeifyoutriedsoshut
up.WecontinuedtopackupourstuffandMrs.KerrcametomeandsaidIknowyoujust
startedtheoboebutyoushouldpracticethosesolosjustincaseHannahisnthere.Thenshe
smiledandwalkedaway.TothisdayIdon'tknowwhyshesmiledbutIwilljustactlikeshewas
onmyside.