TROUBLE

VALLEY
BY CODY
KNOX

Trouble Valley and associated

concepts and characters are copyright
2014 to Cody Knox in accordance with
the New Zealand Copyright Act of 1991.
The characters described in this work
are fictitious and any resemblance to
any real person or event is purely
coincidental.

Chapters:

01: In the Beginning: Page 5

02: Exodus: Page 19
03: Wolf in Sheeps Clothing: Page 37
04: Every Mouth Speaketh Folly: Page 50
05: Under Every Green Tree: Page 67
06: Hunger no More: Page 88
07: Conflict Abounds: Page 97
08: Bear Good Fruit: Page 110
09: Press Towards the Mark: Page 132
10: Illuminated: Page 149
11: True Justice: Page 170
12: Live by the Sword: Page 192
13: Signs of the Times: Page 209
14: The Great Tribulation: Page 234
Author's Note: Page 256.

TROUBLE
VALLEY

Chapter 01: In the Beginning.

Matts tired eyes opened to the sound of terrified screaming.
He stood upright, barely taking in his surroundings. The
shrieks grew louder as the walls shook. The light above him
swung violently.
He realized he was in a brightly-lit train carriage.
Tearing his burgundy blanket off him, he stood up in the room
unsteadily, his knees shaking wildly. He looked out the
window; it was too dark to see out, so there was no chance
jumping out that way.
Also, he was on a moving train. Jumping off a moving train is
typically not a very smart thing to do, even if one is
surrounded by terrified shrieks.
He spotted the door and ran out into the trains hallway. The
screams grew behind him, as babies cried and ladies yelled,
mirrors broke, plates smashed, and he could hear the sound
of little girls crying in the distance.
The doors glowed and pounded as if behind each and every
door there was some kind of ferocious monster.
Matts heart began racing and his whole body dribbled in
sweat. He covered his ears and ran down the hallway, scared
out of his wits.
A discordant piano began to play a horrific melody as Matt ran
down this endless hallway.

The wallpaper began peeling off the wall and the hallway
shook so violently Matt had to hold onto a light handle just so
he wouldnt fly out the train.
A window broke; torrents of rain poured in as thunder and
lightning boomed away in the distance, and light specks of
water flickered over Matts face as he tripped and scraped his
knee.
He stood up again, panting loudly. Suddenly the door next to
him began pounding fiercely, as a loud voice screeched
OPEN THIS DOOR!! OPEN IT!!!!
Then, shadow-wolves ran down the hall and tore his clothes to
shreds, and then as he rose up again, he narrowly avoided
being struck by the flaming arrows that flew past.
And thats when things got really bad.
The hallway convulsed violently, and the train shook like a
snake, the room twisting and turning in impossible ways like
some mad M. C. Escher landscape.
And then

And then, Matthias Cyrus Harris woke up.

He raised his young body off the cold metal floor and looked
around, as the early sunshine poured in through the train
windows.
His burgundy blanket lay about three feet away from him.
It had all been a terrifying nightmare, thank goodness. Matt
stood up and collected himself, wiping off his sweaty forehead.
Matt walked over to his carriages small bathroom, slamming
the door behind him. He looked into the cracked mirror and
took a good, long hard look at himself.
He was a young blonde boy with a long nose, in his early
teens. He wore a ragged-looking green sweatshirt and black
pants.
He already knew all of this, of course, but it never hurt to
check his appearance in the mirror, particularly on an
important day like today.
Today, Matt was moving to the village of Trouble Valley. To
Matts knowledge, it was a village of only about 25 people.
Hed been told that all the villagers were going to turn up to
celebrate his becoming an official Trouble Valley Villager.
Matt did not think much of this celebration, chalking it up to
redneck fanfare and the fact that they probably didnt get
many new people in the village very often.

He certainly didnt think of himself as special enough to

warrant an entire village to celebrate his arrival.
In his opinion, he was a pathetic loser merely hanging onto
this miserable and cruel mud-ball of a planet by the skin of his
teeth until his inevitable lonely demise, undoubtedly at the
hands of some selfish, greedy jerk with an immensely huge
bank account.
To call Matt cynical would be the understatement of the
century.
To be fair, he had quite a good reason to be cynical; he had
lost his parents several years ago, and he had since then
gone from orphanage to orphanage, one miserable
experience after another. He never made friends and never
found much of anything to be happy about.
He was not looking forward to moving into Trouble Valley at
all. If anything, he was sure that the Valley of Trouble would
more than live up to its name. He was about to find out if this
were true, as the train was drawn nearer and nearer to the
little village of Trouble Valley.
He looked out the window and across the horizon. He saw a
small scattering of buildings in the distance, in between a most
scenic valley, rivers streaming from both ends of the
mountains.
If he werent such a dark and depressing person, Matt would
call it the most beautiful sight he had ever laid eyes upon.

Matt squinted his eyes. It was hard to tell from this distance,
but he was pretty sure he could make out a Church, an Inn,
and a Schoolhouse.
He could also make out a few houses; most of them seemed
to be made of grey stone with thatched brown roofing.
There was also a scattering of farms here and there.
Some of them had Sheep in them, some of them had cows in
them, and some of them had no animals in them but instead
had many delicious-looking fruit trees in them.
He also passed by the remains of a burnt-down barn; all that
remained of it was a cobblestone wall. Some graffiti artist had
written the bible verse Revelation 7.14 across it, which
seemed to feel vaguely ominous to Matt, but he quickly forgot
this as the train steamed on valiantly.
The train huffed and puffed across several small villages, and
Matt saw the Pitiful Peak Prison, the dreary gorges of
Pancake Ridge, and the swampy, deserted remains of what
was once the small village of Happyville.
None of these sights interested Matt though; in fact he did not
so much as say a word until finally the train pulled up into
Trouble Valley Station. From his seat, he looked around and
could see that he was in the dead centre of town.
Looking out the left side of the train, he could get a closer look
at the village Church, which had a sign printed nearby reading
DELACROIX CHURCH, and the small park nearby.

Looking out the right side, he could see the Inn, a General
Store, and the schoolhouse, which was painted a shining
bright red. The Inn had a medieval sign out the front reading
THE WOLF DOWN INN
Looking out both sides, he could see quite clearly that all 25
villagers had gathered to this very spot to give Matt a
traditional Trouble Valley welcome.
Matt did not very much care for welcomes of any sort; he just
wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.
So, he stood up out of his seat, packed his bags and headed
for the front door of the Train.
The Train Conductor gave Matt a cheesy smile as he held his
hand on the door.
Wowee, you must be the luckiest kid in the world to be
receiving a welcome like this!! The Train Conductor said.
Matt glared daggers at the Train Conductor and replied, Yeah
right!
Oh, dont sound so glum! Im sure things will only be looking
up from here on out! The Train Conductor said.
Matt replied, As if! I can say with absolute certainty that
nothing exciting is going to happen to me in Trouble Valley,
and then he stepped out of the train.

He had not made it one step, however, where there was a

loud banging noise in the distance, and the sky lit up. There
was a clashing sound of trumpets as a large rock-like object in
the sky flew toward Trouble Valley.
The villagers huddled together. Matt fell on his rear, as his
hands rubbed against the cobblestone road, watching in
horror as this strange object flew by.
He was sure this was simply another nightmare, but it wasnt.
This was all too real.
Parents held up their children to see what the object was.
It was large and rugged and rocky, like an asteroid. It flew
down and down, closer to the valley, growing larger and larger.
The strange object flew 32,000 feet above the villagers heads,
and then it went crashing off into the nearby forest.
Naturally, the villagers were quite panicked.
Its the aliens! One young Indian boy screamed.
The little green men are invading! Theyll rule over us all and
use our innards as light ornaments!! the boy held up a comic
book as if to illustrate proof of this blind assertion.
Then, a tall man in a suit, with dark brown skin and dark
blonde hair approached the centre of the crowd and began to
speak.

My fellow citizens of Trouble Valley, there is no reason to

panic! As your Mayor I can assure you there is nothing to
worry about. It was simply a rogue asteroid that flew through
the sky. It did not strike any of us, our buildings, our livestock
or farms, so there is nothing to fear, the mayor said.
This seemed to calm the villagers down somewhat.
Now, let us all give Matt a great Trouble Valley welcome! The
Mayor ejaculated, and the crowd hurrahed.
And with that, the villagers all got into an orderly file, and
began to greet Matt, some presenting him with gifts.
Morley and Rachel Lawrence, the Innkeepers of The Wolf
Down Inn, gave Matt a card entitling him to half-priced
lemonades at the Inn, not that Matt had any intention of taking
them up on this kindly offer.
A man named Milton gave Matt a long rope, and a woman
named Sheila gave Matt a small mirror, which Matt stuffed
away in his pocket.
Even Matts new guardian, Sebastian Oberto, had a gift for
Matt; it was a single paper-clip. Matt put this in his pocket and
promptly forgot about it.
And there were other folks that, though they had no gifts, were
still colorful characters in their own right.

There was Goldie, the sports-loving girl, and there was Tipene
Tirikatene, the nice, hard-working farmer boy and son of Tane.
There was the elderly Lucy Lawrence, there was the cheeky
little boy Timmy, and many more besides.
All these villagers were pleased as punch to accept Matt to
Trouble Valley, making him become Villager Number TwentySix.
Then, he was approached by the Indian boy who had begun
screaming before. He introduced himself as Sunil and told
Matt that his present was a movie, and Sunil dragged Matt into
a dark room and started the projector.
This is the history the man doesnt want us to know about,
Sunil explained.
And with that, the film started and distorted music began to
play.
Random numbers and words in white text began to appear.
27! 1355! 1863! Turin! 1874! Fnord! 23! 26! Crop Circles! 32!
6526! Nostradamus! Mark 1.14! Dogwit! Revelation 7.14!
Four! 4444! 27! 5-55-555!

Then random images appeared on the screen; an American

city, a flower blooming, images of Buddha, diagrams of flowers
and their detailed insides, diagrams of bacteria and viruses.
Strange geometric shapes flashed as the words WE CREATE
MEANING flashed over the top.
There were also diagrams of buildings, and drawing of
snowflake patters.
There was an apple hanging in the middle of an outer-space
scene, and hands with eyes coming out of them. The number
9 appeared in a white circle, surrounded by a black
background.
After this, there was a shaky monochrome picture of New
Zealand, and the scene seemed to be zooming in on one
specific location.
Then the film abruptly ended.
And there you go; an entirely accurate history of Trouble
Valley, Said Sunil, pretty mind-blowing, isnt it?
Thats one word for it, Matt muttered as he stood out of the
chair and proceeded to get the heck away from the strange
movie he had just seen.
The movie has a message; The Move-Takers create
History, the Movie-Makers create Mystery, Sunil said,
putting his hand on Matts shoulder.

What the heck does that mean?? Matt asked.

There are those that take and those that make.
It is harder to make than it is to take, so the greedy amongst
us prefer to take rather than to make, and the takers are the
ones who are honored in the history books, because the
makers are held back in fear, Sunil explained.
I have no idea what youre on about, Matt said, leaving the
room.
One day, you will! Sunil said in what he expected was a
sagely voice, but made it sound more like Sunil had a cold.
Matt wanted a break from all this attention, so he wandered off
to a picnic bench seat at the nearby park.
However, Matt did not get any rest or respite, for there was
another soul on that picnic bench seat who had now turned to
Matt.
Pretty tiring, aint it? Said the blue-skinned boy.
Who the heck are you? Matt asked.
My name is Blake. Dont worry; they gave me a similar
welcoming ceremony when I came here too. I know exactly
what youre going through, Blake said.
Thats cobblers. You dont know anything about me, Matt
replied.

I can tell that youre blue, said Blake the blue-skinned boy,
And I can also tell you that you dont have to be. The one
thing that not many people realise is that we are entirely
responsible for everything that happens to us. Troubles dont
just happen; we make them happen by having low selfesteem; for example, maybe you have a date on tonight and
youre feeling a bit anxious.
Then, a Lion jumps out and eats your girlfriend.
You see, that never would have happened if youd just had
more confidence in yourself!
The secret to being happy is to remember that everything
wrong in the world is entirely your fault, Blake said.
Matt knew full well that his self-esteem did not change the way
the world turned, and to illustrate this, he picked up an apple
from the crate hed been lugging about, and tossed it at a
nearby wall.
Oh look, Matt said, I think the apple had low self-esteem,
Listen, you just need to come to my friends self-esteem
workshop, were holding it over at the Impenetrable Cavern,
Blake began, but Matt had already walked off.
Blake chuckled to himself, thinking back to several hours ago,
when he had been given his marching orders by the brilliantly
fiendish Queen Oizys.
There he was, in the Impenetrable Cavern.

Has the space-ship been shot down? A dark voice in the

darkness asked most darkly.
Yes. The Hesean is surely as good as dead, your vileness,
Said Blake.
Queen Oizys stepped out of the shadows, her true form
revealed. She was 8 feet tall with glittering, gel-like blue skin,
dark black eyes, and two long, winding tentacles shooting out
of her head.
Good. We cant have her interfering at this stage, not when I
am so close to winning back my Kingdom and can return to
ruling over the Dagonites with an iron fist! All we have to do is
trick those foolish villagers to come here to the Impenetrable
Cavern, Said Queen Oizys ominously.
Maybe we could tell them its a self-esteem workshop.
Humans are awfully insecure, and will believe they have low
self-esteem if somebody tells them they do, Said Blake.
Yes, an excellent idea. You go into the village and talk each
and every villager into coming. Then they can become our
slaves, Queen Oizys said with a most diabolical chuckle.
Im not sure if it will be quite that easy, your vileness. The
natives believe this Cavern to be home to some kind of
monster or Devil, Blake said.

Ha! When they see what Im capable of, it wont be The Devil
they fear! Queen Oizys said, and the two aliens cackled most
evilly, their laughter bouncing off the walls of the Impenetrable
Cavern.

Chapter 02 - Exodus
Matt was depressed. So, he decided to go to the Wolf Down
Inn for a drink.
Nothing alcoholic, of course. Matt was far too young for that,
although he was sure this didnt stop anyone else.
Matt lived his life under the assumption that every guy over 12
(besides himself, of course) was out every night drinking,
partying and getting silly teenage girls pregnant all night every
night.
Matt was simply going to make use of the half-price lemonade
tickets hed been given by the Innkeepers.
The Wolf Down Inn was a large brick building, painted beige.
The front door was tall, metal slated bars against the brick,
and 100 metres behind that was an ornate door.
Matt proceeded to enter this door and came into what seemed
to be quite a popular place. There were folks from out of town
playing poker, and Goldie, Luke and Libby were eating an
enormous chocolate cake.
Matt came to the bartender, though he looked too young to be
a bartender.
Arent you a bit young to be a bartender? Matt asked.

Not at all! The Bartender said, We dont start serving

alcoholic drinks until 5PM, and thats when my parents take
over running the bar,
So your parents, those would be those innkeepers that gave
me tickets for half-priced lemonades then would it? Matt said,
holding up the cheap paper tickets.
Yeah, that would be them. My Mum and Dad own the Wolf
Down Inn, and their parents owned it before them, and one
day, maybe Ill own the Wolf Down Inn, The Bartender said,
My name is Jack, by the way. And Im guessing youre the
new guy here? Its Matt, right?
Matt looked back at the Bartender who called himself Jack.
Jack was a somewhat short kid, with shiny, straight ginger
hair. He was quite slim and skinny, and had a face like a
childs, all round around the edges, and smiled a lot. He was
also wearing a traditional Bartenders outfit.
Yeah, thats me, now get me my half-price lemonade! Matt
said brusquely.
Jack smiled and said, Yes, sir! Right away!
Matt gave Jack the money and Jack went to town on a fine
glass of lemonade.

Matt took a long sip of the lemonade, almost smiling before he

remembered he was meant to be grumpy all the time. He had
to hand it to the kid; even though he looked and acted like a
complete pushover, he could could definitely brew up one fine
glass of sparkling lemonade.
After Matt finished, Jack turned to him again with a big,
beaming smile.
Hey, Im off work now. Do you want to hang out? Jack asked.
You know, I think youre the first person in this crazy village
who has actually asked me if I actually want to do anything
with them, instead of shoving stuff in my face! You know what,
Jack? Ill hang out with you. Its not like I have anything better
to do anyway, Matt said gruffly.
Thats splendid! Jack said, and so it came to pass that Jack
and Matt left the Wolf Down Inn and went to the General Store
next door.
My favorite part of the General Store is all the delicious
mouth-watering candy! Said Jack.
Mm, yeah, delicious! Said Matt, but he wasnt looking at the
candy; he was looking at the backsides of two girls at the
other end of the store. He licked his lips.
Whats your favorite kind of candy? I like the Tizzly Twizzlers!
Jack said.

I could go for a nice sugar-coated pink peach right about

now, Matt said, his gaze not shifting from the girls.
I dont know if they sell those. Ill ask the cashier! Jack said.
The two girls turned around. One whispered something into
the other ones ear, and the other one blushed. The two girls
approached Jack and Matt.
Hey, its my good ol cousin Monica! Howve you been girl?
Jack asked.
Matt looked at the girl Jack had identified as Monica.
Monica looked a lot like Jack, only much more feminine.
She had long ginger hair that reached her shoulders, pink skin
and freckles.
She working farming overalls, with a flower-patch sewn into
the chest. She seemed to be quite shy.
Matt thought he was pretty cute. Matt wasnt normally the type
to get shy around girls, but he found himself begin to stutter
words when Monica talked to him.
Hi, Jack! Im doing well, Monica said in a whispery voice, and
then turned to Matt, asking, Who are you?
I, uh, er, uh, I-Im M-Matt! Matt stammered.

Arent you going to introduce me, Monica? The girl beside

Monica asked.
Oh, uh, er, uh, yes, Matt, this is Julia! Monica said,
introducing Matt to Julia.
Matt took one look at Julia and could guess what kind of girl
she was; hed met a few like her at the orphanage.
Julia had dark brown skin, and spiky blonde hair that rose
above her head like a fire.
She had a great, flaming passion in her eyes as she looked
deep into Matts eyes, almost as if she was staring directly into
Matts soul.
Then she pulled out a fiddle and began playing a nonsensical
tune, and then she was talking to Matt about how she was
going to draw a most awesome caricature of him. She also
explained that she was the daughter of Mayor Kingston and
lived in a fabulous mansion called the Kingston Mansion.
She seemed like the kind of person who lived to be an
inspiration to others; cute, kooky types that try their darndest
to be some kind of mentor, to pull sad people such as him out
of the doldrums and embrace life again, like a fresh ray of
sunshine.
Matt thought this was the stupidest thing ever. He thought that
Julia was just a shallow, bubbly creature lost in her own
pathetic Pollyanna world.

Im pleased to make your acquaintance! Your name is Matt, is

it not? Julia asked.
Yes, I am Matt, Matt said.
Oh, what a cute name! Julia said, pinching Matts cheeks.
You know, Monica and I were just talking; we were going to
see if we could get a closer look at that asteroid that landed in
Nevermore Forest! Julia said.
Why? That sounds like something a crazy person would do!
Matt said.
Yup! That sounds like me alright! Julia said with a giggle.
Matt rolled his eyes.
If you have to go around town telling people how crazy you
are, youre probably not crazy, Matt said.
Well, if youre going to be Mr. Grumpy, then you can just not
come. I just wanted to show you something incredible, Julia
said.
Now Matt was curious. Alright, Ill come, Matt said.
Thats wonderful! Julia said, Now then, Jack. Is your brother
around?
Yeah, hes in his bedroom, playing with his train set, Jack
said.

Can you take us to him? He could prove valuable in locating

the asteroid, said Julia.
Of course I can, Julia! Jack said, and then proceeded to take
them all around to the back of the Wolf Down Inn, where their
house was.
And so, they entered the Lawrence Home. It was a modest
grey-stoned building with a thatched roof.
The four of them went to Andrews door and knocked.
Andrew came along straight away. He looked like Jack and
Monica, except that he was much larger and fatter than them.
He had a long ginger fringe, and a perpetually blank and stoic
expression on his face, as if he was permanently deep in
constant thought.
Matt looked around the bedroom. The walls were covered with
charts, plans, diagrams and maps. On one poster, he could
see the verse REVELATION 7.14'.
Hey Andrew, we need your help finding out where the
asteroid landed. Monica knows Nevermore Forest pretty well,
but we dont know the exact spot where it would have landed,
Julia said.
Well, lets see. It first appeared in the sky at about 32,808 feet
above the Trouble Valley Railway Station, traveling at 182.266
feet per second, traveling away from the village in a southwesterly direction.

So, according to my calculations, it would have struck the

surface about 10 kilometers from the village, at this particular
spot in the Nevermore Forest, Andrew said, pointing at a part
of the map, Monica, are you familiar with this area of
Nevermore Forest?
Yes, I think the safest route will be along this path here, away
from the cliffs, Monica said, running her finger across part of
the map.
Alright, Ill go make us all peanut-butter and banana
sandwiches! We might get hungry! Jack said, running off to
the kitchen.
This is going to be an adventure! Julia said.
If you say so, said Matt doubtfully.
And so, as soon as Jack had finished making the sandwiches,
the kids went out on their journey into the Nevermore Forest.
They walked and they walked, then they walked some more.
Then, after it felt like they couldnt walk any more, they walked
some more.
Then they walked and they walked and they walked.
After that, they walked some more.
Okay, so when we reach the location, we should find a large
crater left by the asteroid. Andrew said.

This is gonna be fun! Just the five of us, having a nice dinner
out by the stars Jack said.
According to the map, we should be quite close to the
asteroid, but I dont see a crater, said Andrew.
Is it that big crater over there? Matt asked, pointing to that
big crater over there.
Yeah, thatd be it. Come on guys, lets go have a look,
Andrew said.
But what they saw over the horizon was not any asteroid, but
what looked like some kind of space-ship that had been torn to
smithereens.
There was a sudden crash like breaking glass, and then out of
the smoking ruins came a shadowy figure that shocked the
children and would change their lives forever.
It was a strange, short purple-skinned creature with a large
head, and eyes like a lizard.
Who are you? the alien creature asked.
We were about to ask you the same question, Andrew said.

I am an Alien, from the distant planet of Hesea. My Race is

known as the Heseans. My personal name is Eve.
I was sent here by the Hesean Universal Peace-Keeping
Squad; my mission was to stop the wicked Queen Oizys from
using your village for her own nefarious means, said Eve.
Queen Oizys is a cruel alien dictator from the planet of
Totoria. She once ruled over her own Race of people, the
Dagonites, but she was over-thrown. So, she came to Earth,
to your village, so she could take your people away and use
them as an army she could use to win back her kingdom, Eve
explained,
I did try to stop her, but she shot down my space-ship.
Lets not panic, Andrew said, Lets first get to Trouble Valley
and find out whats going on.
But by the time we get back, everyone could already be
gone! Monica said.
And my spaceship is broken beyond repair, so thats out too,
Eve said, but first of all, have any of you seen anything
strange lately?
You mean besides your spaceship crashing ten kilometers
away from Trouble Valley? Matt asked sarcastically, Well, I
was forced to watch a pretty weird movie, but besides that the
only thing thats really happened since then is I talked to some
weird blue kid.

Did this kid call himself Blake? Blake is a loyalist to Queen

Oizys cause, Eve said.
Yeah, he said hed be taking them to some stupid selfesteem workshop at the Impenetrable Cavern. Matt said.
Where is the Impenetrable Cavern? Eve asked.
Its about another 10 kilometres due northwest, but thats too
far to go on foot; by the time we get there, everyone could be
gone! Andrew said.
Are you forgetting Im the fastest kid in our whole school? I
once ran 10 kilometres in only 25 minutes! Jack said.
What does fastest kid mean when theres only, what, a
dozen or so students? Thats not that impressive. Matt said
with a snarl.
That may be true, Jack, but its far too dangerous for you to
go there all by yourself, so unless you have some way to carry
us all on your back Andrew said.
Actually, I do! Just look over there an old abandoned horse
carriage. It doesnt look that bad, just a bit of moss, said Jack.
We dont have a Horse, Andrew said, pointing out the
obvious.
Thats ok; I can be the Horse! Ill pull the carriage! Jack said.

What, you really believe you can pull all five of us? Matt said,
pointing to his compatriots.
Yeah, no worries mate! I had my weet-bix this morning! Jack
said.
And so, Jack tied the rope around himself, as Andrew, Monica,
Julia, Matt and Eve hopped inside the horse carriage. It was,
as Jack had said, a bit moldy, dusty and coated in cobwebs,
but still quite sturdy, so they relaxed as Jack proceeded to run
forth like a work-horse as fast as he could, and they rode off
into the horizon.
Meanwhile, at the Impenetrable Cavern, Blake stood in front of
the entrance. It was an enormous wooden door, with strange
symbols carved across it.
Blake looked over at the crowd. There must have been at
least 20 villagers there.
People, your troubles are solved! Step right in and watch your
lives change forever!
The villagers did as they were told, and walked deep into the
cavern, deep into the very centre.
The cavern was dimly lit; the walls were jagged and rocky.
Suddenly, gas shot out of the lights that were hanging from the
walls and hit the villagers at full blast. The villagers fainted to
the ground.

Excellent! And when they wake up, we will have transformed

them into our obedient slaves! Queen Oizys said, jumping out
from behind a dark corner.
Indeed, your majesty. And then we will try and win back your
rightful place as Queen of Totoria! Blake said.
What do you mean, try, Blake? There is only either brilliant
flawless victory or soul-crushing failure; I will not tolerate such
feebleness amongst my warriors! Goodbye, Blake! Queen
Oizys said, and then she pulled out a ray gun and blasted
Blake to smithereens.
Meanwhile, back on the carriage, Jack continued to push on
valiantly towards the Impenetrable Cavern, his friends in tow.
Inside the carriage, Andrew, Monica, Julia, Matt and Eve were
discussing plans on how to defeat Queen Oizys and rescue
the villagers of Trouble Valley.
Matt had found a musty old Penny Dreadful underneath one of
the seats cushion-covers.
It was called, The Castle of Otranto, and he was now reading
it most intently, and so didnt hear what Andrew was saying at
that very moment.
We need to think of a plan to stop Queen Oizys. What can
you tell us about her, Eve? Andrew asked.
Queen Oizys is quite arrogant, and wont be expecting any
resistance. Shell be keeping the villagers sleeping in pods a
few feet away from her spaceship, Eve said.

So the best plan is to sneak in and free all the villagers before
Queen Oizys even notices theyre missing, Andrew said.
Right, then when Queen Oizys does realize whats going on,
you can let me take care of her, Eve said ominously.
Suddenly, the horse carriage went out of control!
Andrew stuck his head out the window.
Jack! Whats going on out there? Andrew asked.
Were falling! Were faaaaalling!!! Jack screamed as the
carriage fell apart, leaving them all flying in mid-air.
Without warning, Eve teleported as fast as a flash and
reappeared at the bottom of the ditch, then she conjured up a
cushy barrier, so that when the kids were meant to hit the
ground, they hit the psychic barrier and so did not die.
However, they were still stuck at the bottom of the ditch.
WHAT THE?!?!? You can teleport?!!? You freaky little alien
girl, if you can teleport, why didnt you just take us to the
Impenetrable Cavern in like 2 seconds? Matt asked angrily.
Please, calm down, its not that simple. Yes, my Race of
people has special powers that you humans do not, but all
power comes at a price.
My powers drain my very life force, and if I use up all of my life
force, I will die. Thats why I didnt just teleport us all to the
Impenetrable Cavern, Eve explained.

Do you have enough strength to teleport us out of this ditch?

Andrew asked.
No, Im afraid I dont, it took up most of my energy just to
conjure the psychic barrier, Eve explained.
Great, so I guess were going to die here, Matt said grimly.
Maybe not Hey Matt, do you still have that rope that Milton
gave you? Julia asked.
Yeah, its in my back-pack, Matt said. Matt pulled out the
rope.
Hey, Monica, Julia said, I know youre a real cow-girl; I bet
you could lasso that tree branch at the top of that cliff and get
us all out of here!
I c-cant! Its t-too scary! Monica said.
But Monica, youll be doing it for all the people in Trouble
Valley that you care for! Julia exclaimed.
Monicas eyes shined, and then she grabbed the rope. She
quickly lassoed the rope over the tree branch, getting a tight
grip, and then she and the others begin to climb up the rope.
After much climbing, Monica, Andrew, Jack, Julia, Matt and
Eve have climbed to the top of the cliff face.
Hooray! said Jack, Now we just have to-

But Jacks words were interrupted by the terrifying, evil Queen

Oizys.
You wont be doing anything, Im afraid! The wicked Queen
Oizys said with a laugh. She looked over at Eve.
Oh look, its the Hesean. Such a pity you survived the crash.
Queen Oizys said.
Queen Oizys, you are a foul, dishonest criminal and I have
nothing more to say to you! Eve said.
Likewise! Queen Oizys said, and then tossed everyone into
a prison cell. She then proceeded to mock them.
You puny humans really thought you could stop me? I could
admire your ambition, if it werent so misguided! Now, let me
give you something better to strive for; join me and my army
as we take back my kingdom, and crush all those that dare
stand in our way! Queen Oizys said.
We will never join the likes of you! Julia replied.
Fine, then you shall rot in that prison. Goodbye! Queen
Oizys said, and then walked off.
Shes right, were worthless. We never should have even tried
to stop her! Matt said, resigned to the worst.
Theres no such thing as useless, Matt, Julia said, Everyone
is good at something; everyone has some kind of skill, even
you! Dont just keep it locked up; let it be free! Julia said.

Matt felt the paper-clip in his pocket and pulled it out. Then, he
had an incredible inspiration. Newly inspired, Matt pulled out
the paper clip and used it to open the lock. It worked, and the
children and Eve were now free. They ran out of the jail cell
quickly and saw rows of pods; it was all the villagers stuck in
gelatinous green pods.
Grab as many of them as you can! Instructed Eve, then take
them outside, the moonlight will wake them up, and they wont
remember any of this!
Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt did as they were told
and grabbed all the villagers, and then dragged them all
outside the front doors of the cavern.
We should go back in and see if theres anyone we missed,
Monica said.
Yes, we should, Andrew agreed, and they ran back inside.
There was someone they missed, but not a villager. It was
Queen Oizys, and she was furiously fuming.
WRETCHED, WORTHLESS PUNY EARTHLING
SCUMBAGS! YOU RUINED MY PLANS! WHY COULD YOU
NOT JUST GIVE UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? Queen Oizys
screamed at the top of her lungs.
Ill tell you why, Queen Oizys! We may be just a bunch of
puny earthlings, but we have more strength than you will ever
comprehend! Matt said proudly.
STOP TALKING, YOU WHINY LITTLE BRAT! Queen Oizys
screamed, and then she whipped out her laser gun.

Matt instinctively shielded himself from the blast, pulling out

the mirror that was one of the many gifts hed gotten. The
laser beam shot off the mirror and flew back towards Queen
Oizys, blowing up both the spaceship and Queen Oizys,
though the others didnt see this, as they simply ran out of the
cavern as fast as they could.
The other villagers were already waking up.
Well, that was the worst self-esteem workshop Ive ever been
to! Rachel said.
I dont even remember anything that was said! Byron said.
It was a waste of time and a waste of money! Lucy said.
Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia, Matt and Eve breathed a sigh of
relief as they snuck into the forest, walked all the way back to
Trouble Valley, and secretly smuggled Eve away to live in
Monicas old stable until they could get back in touch with
Eves people.
After that, things just went back to normal for the villagers of
Trouble Valley. And then

Chapter 03: Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

It was another grey-skied day in Trouble Valley and everyone
was carrying their umbrellas beside them, expecting stormy
weather.
Matt and Julia were hanging out outside the Trouble Valley
General Store.
Hey Matt, check this out, Julia said, holding up a necklace
with a strange symbol etched onto it. The symbol looked
something like this:

I bought Jack a necklace! I think hes going to love it, dont

you? Julia said.
Necklaces are for girls, Julia, Matt said.
And who says a boy cant get in touch with his feminine
side? Julia asked, slightly peeved.
Suddenly Julia uncharacteristically began looking around
herself worryingly.

Hey, whered my necklace go?!? Julia asked, concerned.

Hey, whos that guy?? Hes running towards the alleyway!
Matt exclaimed, as a gentleman in a black suit and a fedora
ran around the corner and down through the alleyway
between The Wolf Down Inn and the Trouble Valley General
Store.
Julia hunted him down, and managed to corner him at the end
of the alleyway.
Hey, wait, I know you, said Julia, looking over the welldressed gentleman, Youre The Fedora; wanted all over
Slump County for pick-pocketing over 300 dollars!
That is correct, mlady, said The Fedora.
Well, you better give me back that necklace right now, mister!
Its a present for a really nice guy! Julia said.
Only if you promise not to throw me into jail, for you see,
mlady, I am also a really nice guy, said The Fedora. He
smiled.
Have you ever noticed how much society frowns upon Men
who are in touch with their feminine side? Queried the
Fedora, Throwing me into jail would just prove how much
society hates decent men. Would you want that on your
conscience?
Well, I, Julia began.

I suppose its just Natures way A woman simply doesnt

care for a man unless hes the roughest, toughest manliest
man of all! The Fedora said.
Julia continued to listen intently, as the clouds above began to
dissipate and give way to sunshine.
Youre very lucky to be a woman, you know. We Men always
have to worry about impressing Women, but you Women
never have to worry about impressing other Men! The Fedora
said.
What are you talking about? Girls have to worry about
fashion, make-up Julia began.
But only ever to impress other Women! Said The Fedora,
Can you name a single Woman, besides yourself, who has
gone out of their way solely to really impress a man? The
Fedora said, as he held up the necklace and handed it back to
Julia.
Um, I, Julia stammered, blushing.
Oh, dont feel too bad, mlady; youre simply the product of
millions of years of hard-wired instinct, The Fedora said, But,
you can fight your instincts! What do you say, mlady? Havent
you had enough of nice guys finishing last?
OK, its a deal, Julia said, and she and The Fedora shook
hands.

It was twelve minutes past eight when that dame came

through that door, Matt thought to himself, who decided today
was think like a film-noir detective day.
The girl was rattlin more than a skeleton on the Day of The
Dead. She had long, gorgeous red hair flowing down and
flitting about her shoulders like the keys on a piano.
So Matt thought to himself, this dame was just the fairest
dame you were ever likely to meet, sweeter than sugar and
softer than butter. Anyone that would do something like this to
her would have to have a heart as cold as ice.
They stole all our savings and I dont know where else to
turn! Monica said.
Matt banged his fist on the table, and announced, Maam, Ill
take on the case! Tell me everything you know about what you
think is going on, and Ill try not to point at you and laugh when
I correct you. Tell you what; I need some brisk exercise, so
why dont we discuss this on the way?
And so Matt and Monica left the confines of Matts home1 and
began to walk down the street until they came to Monicas
house.

A white house with a white picket fence.

It was strange; the thief didnt make much of a mess; no

broken glass, no spilled cupboards. You could hardly tell wed
even been robbed; but several things are missing; all our
money, my piggy banks been broken into, and that old vase of
a river landscape my Grandmother got for me from
Transnistria is missing, too! Monica said.
Are you sure you didnt simply misplace them? Matt asked,
because that is what Detectives are meant to ask.
When I woke up, I saw a silhouetted figure crawling out of the
window; I didnt get a good look at him, but he looked like a
slim figure wearing a fedora! Monica said.
Matt hid his fedora behind his back as they went inside the
Polinski home, only to discover someone had stolen their
bacon and eggs.
Meanwhile, over at the Kingston Mansion, The Fedora served
Julia a most delicious breakfast of Bacon and Eggs.
Here you are, mlady, Said The Fedora.
Julia chopped up a slice and popped it in her mouth.
And what does mlady have planned for the day? The
Fedora asked.
Im going to go off to the Inn for a drink! Said Julia.
An excellent plan, mlady. I will be waiting for you here when
you come home, Said The Fedora.

Julia then went off to the Wolf Down Inn, where, oddly enough,
she ran into Matt.
One pink lemonade, barkeep, Matt asked the Barmaid.
Ill have the lemon-lime milkshake swirl, Said Julia.
Matt thought to himself that this dame would be Trouble with a
capital T.
Word on the street is youre on the Polinski Case, Said Julia.
Yes, thats right, Matt said.
I imagine being a private investigator must be a dangerous
line of work, Julia said.
Maybe I like danger, Matt said with a smile.
So what have you discovered about the case so far? Julia
asked.
That this was not the work of some brute; many valuables
were stolen but not so much as a single matchstick was put
out of place, Matt said.
My, this thief sounds like very much the gentleman, Julia
commented, I dont think a tramp like you could track down
someone like that.
And who do you think could track down a gentleman like
that? Matt asked.

Why, a Lady, my dear, Julia said, flittering her eyelids.

Well if you see any, be sure to let me know, Matt said gruffly.
Such dry wit from one so young, Mr. Harris, Julia said, and
then she finished her drink and stood up, I wish you the best
of luck on your case. Good day.
Julia then proceeded to take her leave, and left the Wolf Down
Inn.
Hm, Julia wondered, Now what shall I do with my day?
Suddenly Julia heard a scream from a nearby house.
A small crowd began to gather around Mrs. McLocherty.
I saw him! I saw the thief that has been plaguing so many of
our villages! He stole my golden tweezers! Mrs. McLocherty
exclaimed.
What did he look like? Mr. Barrett asked.
Well, he was wearing a fedora! Mrs. McLocherty began.
Hey look, Luke is wearing a fedora! Tane shouted.
Hey yeah, he must be The Fedora! Moana said.
Huh? But its just a hat! Luke pleaded.

Its the same hat as The Fedora wears! Why are you wearing
a fedora if youre not The Fedora, huh??? HUH????? Morley
said.
But I couldnt have stolen from Mrs. McLocherty! I cant even
see well enough to steal a set of tweezers! Luke protested.
SHUTUP, CREEP! Byron said, You think you can get away
with stealing other peoples property??? Youre just a no-good,
low-life loser!
If youre not The Fedora, then why dont you just take the hat
off?? Morley demanded.
But I need it on hot days like this; it protects my sensitive skin
from sunburns! Luke said.
TAKE OFF THE HAT! Byron angrily yelled.
So, Luke took off the Fedora, laid it on the ground and was
instantly sunburnt to a crispy red.
Well, I guess he cant be the Fedora, then, Byron said,
relieved.
Hey, what about that kid?? Sheila said, pointing to Sunil,
Hes wearing a hat too!
What?? Sunil exclaimed angrily, This is my Good-Luck
Bucket Hat! It protects my thoughts from being detected by the
evil Fnord-Bilderger-Ostrich-Reptilian alien scumbags that live
in the centre of the earth!

Ridiculous! Said Sheila, You must be The Fedora! You are

the thief!
Ill never take off this hat! Sunil exclaimed, You just want me
to take it off because youre one of THEM! Sunil said
conspiratorially.
That proves it! Hes The Fedora! Shouted Sheila as
everyone grew more excited.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves, giving into the
Mind-Control Devices the talking bunnies put in your head!
Sunil said, shaking his head.
Its just like a wise man once said; Sunil lamented,
Jananee janmabhoomischa swargaadapi gareeyasi!
I have no idea what that means, but lets chase him down!
Milton said, Tar and feather him!
And then, Sunil began to run down the street like a headless
chook, half of the village following behind him.
You will never find out what was hidden underneath the third
rock! Sunil cried out as he continued to run off into
Nevermore Forest.
Julia turned around and ran back home, panicked. The Fedora
was there to greet her.

Good evening, mlady, Said The Fedora, Did you have a

pleasant day?
Oh, Fedora, its just horrible! Everyone is chasing down Sunil
because they think hes The Fedora! Julia said.
The Fedora just smiled and flipped over a pancake.
I know; the people of Trouble Valley are such a bunch of
idiots. Except for mlady, of course! Said the Fedora quickly.
No, theyre not idiots! Julia insisted, Theyre upset that
somebody has broken into their homes and stolen from them,
and they want to do something about it!
Julia looked deep into The Fedoras eyes.
I think maybe this is going too far, Fedora! Julia said.
The Fedora reacted by slapping Julia in the face. Hard.
Honestly, I thought you were better than all those other
plebeians around here! I guess youre just the same as
everyone else; all these ungrateful jerks whod rather be
robbed by some brutal, careless thug than a nice gentleman
like me!
I have been nothing if not loyal, obedient and caring to you,
and this is how you repay me? The Fedora exclaimed.
Julia felt horrible and guilty.

Im sorry, youre right, youve been very nice to me! What can
I do to make things better? Julia asked.
The Fedora smiled and licked his lips.
I know theres a most lovely couch in the Mayors Trophy
Room, and I think I have a very fun thing we could do
involving you, I, and that couch, The Fedora said seductively.
Well, youll need the code to get into my Dads Poker Trophy
Room, Julia said.
And what is the code? The Fedora asked.
Well, my Dads a religious man; his favorite bible verse is
Revelation 7.14. So the code for the door is 7-1-4, Julia said.
Great, why dont you go and relax with a shower and Ill set
things up in the trophy room, The Fedora said.
And so Julia went upstairs to her room, had a long, luxuriant
shower and then got dressed into her fanciest, most romantic
clothes.
She then hurried down the stairs and to her Fathers Trophy
Room.
To her surprise, the door was wide open, and all the trophies
were missing! The window had also been opened, and as
Julia ran off to look out the window, to see The Fedora running
down the street, carrying a heavy sack.

Au revoir, mlady!! The Fedora said as he continued to run

off. But then suddenly, he was hit in the face with a frying pan
and fell over, unconscious.
The holder of the frying pan looked up and faced Julia. It was
Matt, panting heavily, his shirt slightly ripped.
Sorry for kind of stalking you; I just had a feeling something
fishy was going on, Matt said.
Julia gave a smile.
The next day, The Fedora was safely behind bars.
I dont know why I believed you, Julia said, After all, a true
gentleman would never forgive himself for hurting a lady or
anyone else, even by accident.
You were right, I do like gentlemen.
I like nice guys who will pamper me and please me and make
me feel like Im special
And youre not that guy, you're just a jerk in a nice hat, Julia
said.
Sod off! The Fedora said.
That wasnt very nice, Julia said.
Julia chuckled, then walked out to meet Matt.

Thanks for helping me out back there, Matt, Julia said.

Yeah, well, just dont tell anyone; I dont want people thinking
Ive gone soft, Matt said.
Dont worry, it happens to lots of guys, Julia said.
Oh, now youre being cheeky mlady! Matt said with a
sardonic laugh.

Chapter 04: Every Mouth Speaketh Folly

It was a crisp, cool and overall pleasant morning in the small
village of Trouble Valley. The only clouds in the sky were
blanketed lazily over the hills and the mountains, as the dawn
sun shone over the valley.
Goldie Barrett decided this was the perfect time for a game of
Rugby, but her relatives didnt seem interested in joining her.
Libby Barrett had no interest in playing Rugby, much
preferring the calmer activity of assembling jigsaw puzzles.
The puzzle she was working on now, according to the picture
on the box, was an image of a proud-looking black stallion,
standing on his hind legs.
Her mother was sitting at the kitchen table, having spent the
previous night grading school homework, as her mother,
Diana Barrett, was the teacher at the Trouble Valley
schoolroom, a modest red building. She was exhausted, and
had black rings around her eyes.
She had next to her a big cup of coffee, and written on this
cup of coffee were the words, IM REALLY EASY TO GET
ALONG WITH ONCE YOU LEARN TO WORSHIP ME.
Libby, knowing her Mother quite well, felt that this was only
half-true, but did not bother to point it out.

Her Father, Milton Barrett, was quite busy tending to the

beehives. She could hardly understand him with all the bees
buzzing about.
At this time, Sunil Yohannan was picking fruit with his mother,
Madhavari, and complaining about it. He was convinced that
there were aliens living down his shower-drains because his
comic books said so, and he was trying to convince Madhavari
of this.
When it became apparent that there was no convincing her
that they would all be cyborg-slaves on Planet Fnord by
sundown, Sunil bitterly tossed his apple away, and it flowed
down the stream until it rested on a small road by the
embankment, and was swiftly run over by a passing horse
carriage.
This horse carriage was owned by a Cheese Merchant, who
had come to sell all her cheeses.
She was selling Brie Cheese, Camembert Cheese, Feta
Cheese, Havarti Cheese, Derby Cheese, Oxford Blue Cheese,
Vasterbottonost Cheese, Wensleydale Cheese, and even had
some Sainte Maure Cheese too. She was selling many, many
cheeses, and hoped she would sell these cheeses in Trouble
Valley and make some money to support herself.

But then, a bureaucratic sheriff came along and declared that

the Cheese Merchant needed to fill in a 93-paged form before
she could enter Trouble Valley, filled with queries like:
MOTHERS MAIDEN NAME__________________
POST CODE OF THE LAST MAN/WOMAN YOU FRENCHKISSED_______________________
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WIPE TROUBLE VALLEY OFF
THE FACE OF THE EARTH? YES/NO
It also specifically listed certain laws Trouble Valley had; for
example
Rule 54: It is illegal to dance on the rooftops of homes during
the winter solstice unless wearing a sombrero.
Rule 55: It is illegal to own a sombrero.
Rule 79: It is illegal to use any horse, cow, sheep or dog as
practice for seduction techniques. Cats and ducks are ok.
Rule 106: It is illegal to attempt to convert wild wolves to
Taoism for the purposes of tax evasion.
It also outlined that there was an extra tax if the Horse was
being fed on any non-local oats, for security reasons of
course.

Also, she was told that pages 1-19 must be answered with
green pen, the pages from 20-59 in red pen, and the pages
from 60-92 in black pen, and that page 93 must be answered
in hieroglyphics in any color pen she chose.
She also had to answer completely random trivia questions,
such as these:
In what year did Alfred the Great die? _________________
What was the name of Francis Bacons Mother?
_________________
Where were the Grimm Brothers born? _________________
Who wrote The Sorrows of Young Werther?
_________________
In what year did Martin Luther write his 95 theses?
___________
But eventually she managed to fill in all the right forms, signing
here, there, here and over there but not here, over here but
not there, there but not over here, here but not over there,
there but not over there, here but not over here, initials here,
and write down a few verses from a classic French poem
along the margins there.
No, not there. There. Write the verses in English, please.
Her favorite French poem was Aucassin and Nicolette, which
her mother had read to her when she was a child.

She handed the forms to the bureaucratic sheriff, who

carefully looked over each page.
You missed page 31. He said, handing it back to her. On
page 31 was the query, Which Bible Verse accurately
describes your current station in life?
As a devout Mazdakist2, the cheese merchant knew little of
Christianity or the bible, so she picked a bible verse at random
and quickly scribbled down the verse,
REVELATION 7.14. in red ink.
This seemed to satisfy the bureaucratic sheriff, and he let her
pass through into the village of Trouble Valley.
She rode her carriage to the Tirikatene Family House.
The Tirikatene Family would help her sell her cheeses, and
they began by helping her carry her cheeses off the wagon.
Tipene helped carry down boxes of Oxford Blue Cheese and
Camembert Cheese, while his little brother Wiremu carried
down some boxes of Wensleydale Cheese.
Tane carried some surprisingly heavy boxes of Feta Cheese
under both arms, while Moana carried down the Derby
Cheese and the Vasterbottonost Cheese, whilst the Cheese
Merchant herself carried down the Sainte Maure Cheese, and
the Horse ate all the Havarti Cheese when nobody was
looking.
2 The prophet Mazdak preached against eating the flesh of animals, but he was perfectly fine with the eating of
milk, cheese and eggs, but there did not seem to be many Mazdakist French Cheese Merchants that she
knew of.

Then, Tipene walked off to go to the Slump County Carnival.

Today was the day of the Slump County Carnival, in which all
the folks from various villages nearby would come to offer their
wares to any interested takers.
There was a Tarot-Reader from Allens Alley, a Bird-House
Craftsman from Pancake Ridge, a Stone-Mason from Pitiful
Peak, and much more else besides.
The distinct scent of hot-dogs and toffee apples wafted
through the air.
Tipene wandered around to see what other exciting attractions
the Carnival might have to offer. He looked around.
Nearby, he could see some of his friends; Matt, Andrew, Jack,
Monica and Julia walking past a podium. He liked these
friends, although lately they seemed to be behaving somewhat
distant.
Atop the podium was a large, fat man holding a raffle of some
sort. He spun a large wheel with lots of numbers on it, with a
bright red peg at the top. When the wheel stopped spinning,
he smiled and turned to the crowd. The fat man announced,
7-14! Who here has a raffle ticket reading Revelation 714??
Tipene had no interest in raffles, so he kept walking. He came
to a stall that caught his eye.

It was one of those TEST YOUR SKILLS Games that so often

turned up at Carnivals such as this one.
The rules were quite simple; knock over all the bottles with a
ball, and you would win a prize.
Tipene had heard from Julia that these games were nothing
but scams designed to separate foolish patrons from their
money. But Tipene decided that he would be more trusting in
this game when he saw what was offered as first prize; a set
of brand-new golf clubs.
Tipene knew that his father, Tane, loved golf, and it would
make a lovely birthday present. Maybe Tane would be so
impressed that hed let Tipene sleep in for once, rather than
wake him up early at around five a.m. so they could milk the
cows.
It was a risk Tipene was willing to take, so he searched his
pockets and had just enough change to play 3 games.
He handed the change to a greasy-looking man who looked
like he hadnt shaved for a great long while.
In the first two games, despite his strength, Tipene failed to
knock down a single bottle. It was as if theyd been glued
together. But that couldnt be possible, Tipene thought,
because that would be cheating.
So, Tipene took a long, deep breath, and then, with all his
might, he tossed the ball at the bottles.

This time every bottle was knocked down every bottle, that
is, except for one.
If Tipene knew any swear words, and was not so polite, he
would have cursed under his breath.
But he did not; so instead he silently gritted his teeth as the
Man went up to the prize box, past the brand-new set of golf
clubs, and grabbed a tatty-looking old teddy-bear.
Tipene was far too old for teddy-bears, but far too nice and
mature to turn down his prize and throw a tantrum on how
much he deserved those golf clubs.
So he graciously accepted the raggedy old teddy bear.
The sky had changed from its usual light-blue color and was
now covered with a thick grey blanket of cloudy clouds. It
started to rain lightly.
And so, with nothing left to do in the village, Tipene hurried
back home to his house, absent-mindedly carrying the old
teddy bear behind him.
As he entered the lounge, he saw his younger brother,
Wiremu, lying on the couch reading comic books.
Hey Wiremu, want a teddy-bear? Tipene asked.
Ewww no! Those are for BABIES! Wiremu exclaimed, and
then turned back to his comic book.

Tipene sighed and retired to his bedroom, casually tossing the

teddy-bear on the floor. Normally he would not have been so
careless; he knew his mother Moana would want to have a
word or two with him about his messy room, having very strict
views on tidiness, but Tipene was so sad that he had missed
his chance to win a set of new golf clubs for Tane that he paid
no attention to the teddy-bear whatsoever.
Tipene just lay down for a while on his bed, his hands behind
his head. He yawned and cracked his knuckles.
He closed his eyes, and, surprisingly, fell asleep almost
straight away.
He had a dream that was of absolutely no consequence and
has no relevance to the story whatsoever and is only being
used by a desperate writer desperately trying to pad out the
story with as many words as he or she can think of3; for
example did you notice how desperate was repeated there? It
said a desperate writer desperately trying.
Thats just a silly attempt to lengthen up the word count, and
the author of this novel knew it perfectly well. But now that he
was on a roll, the author didnt see any reason to stop.
However, the readers of this are probably more interested in
hearing the actual story, so the author promised that this
meta-fictional gag would not continue for very much longer
and would never appear again or be spoken of ever again, in
fact it would stop at the very end of this sentence.
3 Axolotls. Veloceraptors. Seaweed. And uh Filing Cabinets? I give up. How

many words was that? What, only twenty-two words, including this sentence? But I
feel like I wrote a thousand!

Tipene had a nice little dream about cuddly brown puppies,

and then he awoke with a sudden jolt. The room was dark
now.
Looking at the grandfather clock in the hallway, he could tell
that it was almost midnight. He had been asleep much longer
than he thought.
The house was quiet. Too quiet. Eerily quiet.
Tipene looked over the side of his bed. The teddy-bear was no
longer on the floor. This didnt worry him much though; he
assumed that maybe Wiremu had come in and decided he
wanted the teddy-bear after all, or perhaps his mother had
picked it up, and seeing what a pathetic lousy teddy-bear it
was, tossed it into the fire.
Either way, Tipene chose to close his eyes again and see if he
could go back to sleep again, even though now he felt rather
quite awake.
So maybe hed just daydream instead, even though it was the
middle of the night. He started daydreaming about adorable
puppies with big puppy eyes. But then he started hearing
heavy breathing, right next to his ear
Thinking it was a dumb prank his little brother Wiremu was
playing; he brushed away at the side of his face, but didnt hit
anything, no little annoying brother, nothing.

This confused Tipene, so he opened his eyes, and staring him

in the face was the teddy-bear, with very gleaming, very alive
eyes.
Tipene screamed at the top of his lungs as the teddy-bear
laughed evilly.
AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Screamed Tipene.
MUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Laughed the
teddy-bear.
His parents came running into the room and turned on the
light. The teddy-bear became lifeless and limply fell to the
floor.
Whats all the screaming for, Tipene? Tane asked.
Did you have a nightmare? Moana asked.
Y-yeah, that must have been it. Tipene said, although he
knew that he didnt have a nightmare; he in fact had a most
pleasant dream involving cute little brown puppies playing in a
springtime meadow.
Well, it was just a nightmare, honey. Now go back to sleep.
Moana said.
Moana and Tane turned the light off and went back to their
bed, hoping for no more night terrors.
Tipene closed the door and picked up the teddy-bear.

The teddy-bear suddenly came to life! Tipene dropped it on

the cupboard and it stood up with an evil smirk.
I am the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa! Bow before me and
feel my wrath! There is no power more destructive than I, no
force more evil, I am the most evil being in all of time and
space! MUWAHAHAHA! Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa.
You there, child! Observe how frightening I am, I am a
demonic creature hiding behind the innocent visage of a mere
teddy-bear!
I shall laugh at your pleas for mercy as I burn your house to
the ground and force you to watch! Fear me! I am the
Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa! Said the Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursa.
And then The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa gave another
evil laugh.
Watch in horror as I slice your face apart with this simple
pocket knife! Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
And with that, the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa tried to
grab the nearby pocket knife; however it was too heavy, and
he had no fingers to use to hold onto them, only stuffed paws.
The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa struggled and struggled
but just couldnt manage to pick up the pocket knife.
Hnnnnnnnnnnng!!! Hnnnnnnnnnnng!!! Said the Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursa.

Do you need some help with that? Tipene asked, stifling a

giggle.
No, Ive got it, Ive got it! Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa. But try as he might, he could still not pick up the pocket
knife.
You have no real powers at all, do you? You cant even pick
up a pocket-knife. Youre just a foul-mouthed talking teddy,
Tipene said, Arent you?
Dont you dare mock me! Do you not know who you are
dealing with? I am The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa! I am
a force of pure evil without a trace of good! Said The
Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
No, youre not, Said Tipene, Youre just a stupid teddy-bear!
and then Tipene picked up The Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa and tossed him over into a pile of sweaty gym socks in
the corner.
Then Tipene went back to sleep.
This isnt working, Said The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa
from inside the pile of sweaty gym socks, The puny mortal
does not shriek in terror at the mere sight of The Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursa! How can The Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa make this mortal see how terrifying and terrible The
Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa is?
And then The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa had a brilliant
idea, a brilliant idea that was as terrifying as it was terrible.

Tipene slept until he woke up. He woke up at 5 A.M. every

morning to milk the cows, and today was no different.
Come on, Tipene, its time to get up and milk the cows Tane
said, or we wont have any milk to put on our cereal
Tipene rose with a yawn. He felt well-rested. Maybe that whole
escapade with the annoying demonic teddy-bear that called
itself The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa was all simply a
dream, like the dream hed had about the cute brown puppies.
But as soon as Tipene closed the door he was greeted with
the most annoying noise in the universe. It was the voice of
The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
You have a crush on the fat ginger kid, the boy named
Andrew! Also youre terrified of Spiders and Pirates! Thats
right, mortal! The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa READ
YOUR DIARY! BOW IN FEAR AT THE MIGHT OF THE
TERRIFYING AND TERRIBLE LORD URSA!
The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa said, and then Tipene
stepped on him as he left the room and went off to milk the
cows.
Later, The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa spat in Tipenes
cereal.
Hooooooik, ptoi! The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa just
spat in your cereal! Wince in disgust and fear as your source
of morning nutrients has been spoilt by the Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursa! Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.

I can just go and have toast. Tipene said.

The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa ran over to the pantry
and forced the door open.
Not if The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa pushed this jar of
raspberry jam off the shelf and to the ground! The Terrifying
and Terrible Lord Ursa said.
Yeah, if you cant lift a pocket-knife, I dont think youll be able
to push a jar of raspberry jam off the shelf. Tipene said.
Hmm maybe The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa could
roll over this jar of almost-finished marmalade off the shelf!
You would still have the jam, but youd have a broken jar on
the floor and that would be most inconvenient! Said The
Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
And then, The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa ran to the jar
of almost-finished marmalade and then The Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursa rolled it over to its side, and with great
effort, The Terrible and Terrifying Lord Ursa rolled it off the
shelf and to the floor. But surprisingly, the jar did not break.
This very much upset The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
Argh!!! This very much upsets The Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa! Said The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
Tipene was starting to feel sorry for this pathetic excuse for a
villain. He turned to face The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.

You shall fear me! I am evil incarnate! I am a horrifying

monstrosity contained inside a childs plaything! Why does
that not terrify you? I am the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa!
Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
Look, listen to me, Lord Ursa, began Tipene, before he was
interrupted by the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
I am not Lord Ursa! Said the Terrifying and Terrible Lord
Ursa, I am the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa! Said the
Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
Youre not terrifying, and youre only terrible in the sense that
youre terribly lame, Tipene said.
Its not true! I am the Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa! said
The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa sadly, I must be! I have
to be!
Well, nobody is going to think youre terrifying and terrible
here; just very, very, very, very annoying. You know, Ive got a
little raft you could ride. Said Tipene.
What good will that do? Asked The Terrifying and Terrible
Lord Ursa.
Youll see, Said Tipene with a knowing smile.

Thirty minutes later, Tipene and The Terrifying and Terrible

Lord Ursa were at the River together. Tipene pointed to a
small little wooden raft tied to a tree. It was too small for a
human, but quite large for a teddy-bear. It had a shiny red flag
sticking up for a mast.
Hop on, my lord. I dont know where this river goes, but
maybe somewhere out there youll find someone who will
actually be scared of you. Tipene said.
And I will strike terror into their hearts and mock their pleas
for mercy! shrieked The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa.
Yeah, sure, of course you will, Tipene said, rolling his eyes.
And so, The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa got onto the raft,
and Tipene put a crude paper hat on top of The Terrifying and
Terrible Lord Ursas head, and then he cut the rope and
watched The Terrifying and Terrible Lord Ursa ride his little raft
off into the horizon, and he never saw nor heard from the
strange demonic teddy bear ever again.

Chapter 05 Under Every Green Tree

Everything was just perfect, plain and simple. The sun
sparkled perfectly through the dewy leaves and the lovely and
most perfect river spot below that the kids had found. It was
like every tree, every crevice, every rock formation and every
waterfall had arranged itself to create this perfect beauty of a
natural landscape.
As little ducklings waddled along the water, and the birds
chirped in the trees, tending to their nests and flying around,
the kids looked around in awe at this sight.
Oak tree leaves fell and touched the water with the grace of a
ballet dancer. Salmon somersaulted out of the water and dived
back in again. Butterflies fluttered this way and that. The
grass they stood on was much greener than any grass they
had seen before, and scattered across the grass were many
pretty daisies and dandelions.
Monica thought she could easily make the worlds largest
daisy chain in a day here. The weather was perfect; not too
cold, not too hot. Not too dry and not too humid. It was nice.
Jack looked up and saw a cloud that reminded him of an
elephant. He could lie here all day and think up fun shapes in
the clouds.
The whole area was untouched and much quieter than the
hustle and bustle they had grown accustomed to back in the
village.

Andrew thought he could sit down and, with the quietness and
peacefulness, could concentrate on great ideas and plans for
future outings. After all, there were probably a million
wonderful places just like this place they had found, only
completely different.
Julia had never before felt so free, out here in the open and
gorgeous forest. Most days she spent her time cramped up in
her Mansion, bored out of her mind, wishing to be taken away
on some incredible exciting and overall daring adventure.
And this place was perfect; she felt she could find so many
wonderful places to explore, so many rocks to over-turn, so
many things just begging to be discovered by her.
Although Matt would never admit it to his friends, he too found
himself quite taken aback by the view. He loved every bit of it;
it was like he could feel his stresses, his terrors, his
nightmares melting away and replaced by a feeling of calm
and inner peace. Matt was so very happy to find somewhere
he could just lie back and do absolutely nothing. No
responsibilities, no worries, no troubles.
In truth, these five kids had already had more than their fill of
troubles. Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt were, more or
less, normal kids who lived in what was, more or less, a
normal village, but the lives they lived had been so far
anything but normal.

But finally, finally just this once they had a chance to

recuperate, a chance to stop and rest and take some time to
think about things, to think about their past, present and
future, about their lives, their loves, their friends and family.
They were finally free, free to drink in all of natures pure
majesty and splendor.
It felt like there was nothing else, just them there, together
forever in this happy, blissful moment here in this Arcadian
avalanche of absolute tranquility.
They could do anything; they barely knew where to start.
They could swim in the river, they could climb trees, they could
bury for hidden treasure, and they could even build
themselves a tree house so they could come back here again
and again and enjoy it.
Nothing could make it any better, except maybe a basketful of
kittens or a basketful of puppies. Or maybe even a basketful of
both kittens and puppies.
Maybe, one day, they could invite the other villagers of Trouble
Valley to come over and enjoy the beauty too. But for now
they had it all to themselves. And the five children then lay
back on the grass, and were at peace.
And then the world suddenly exploded.

Or at least, thats what it felt like anyway. The ground shook

like an earthquake and there came a loud sound in the
distance; this sound sounded like
URRUHHHUUURRRHHHUUUHHHURRRRRHURRURHURU
RRRRHHUUURRRURRRRRURRRRRRUR.
The birds flew away as trees fell down and splashed into the
river, making all the poor kids very wet. Julia had bought a
new pair of hiking boots only the day before, and wasnt
expecting them to get quite this dirty this quickly. She felt sorry
that her shiny new boots were now ruined, along with this
beautiful spot theyd found.
With a great, loud THUNK! The fallen trees were replaced with
a great big, ugly garish sign reading FUTURE CORPORATE
OFFICE BLOCK.
You have got to be kidding, Matt said angrily.
The corporation behind this was the powerful FAT CAT
CORPORATION, who were currently holding a business
conference at the Kingston Hall. They held up signs showing
the benefits of the Fat Cat Corporation.
Later, the five children had returned back to Trouble Valley
and stood outside the Schoolhouse. A couple of corporate fatcats enjoyed a hearty lunch at the Inn opposite them.
Its not fair, Monica said, The Nevermore Forest is beautiful!
Why do they get to destroy it, just to build more corporations?

Yeah, I know, its wrong, but what can we do? Were just a
bunch of kids, Matt said.
Weve been able to stop aliens and monsters with no
problem, Monica pointed out.
Yeah, but this is Big Business. You cant fight City Hall, Matt
retorted.
Maybe theyd listen to us if we just told them how special and
pretty Nevermore Forest is, and then they wouldnt tear it
down! Monica said optimistically.
Yeah, good luck with that, Matt said and rolled his eyes.
I think Monica may have a point; we just need to get these
guys to see things our way! Andrew said.
Andrews right, Im sure we can get them to see reason! Jack
said joyously.
These guys are corporate fat-cats; they only care about
building their ugly office complexes, they dont care about
aesthetics, Matt complained.
What does my asthma have to do with anything? Julia
asked.
I said aesthetics, not asthmatics, Matt said.
I know! I just wanted to make a joke! Julia said.

You think this is funny? Were going to lose Nevermore Forest

forever! Matt exclaimed.
Im glad you share our concern for the future of the
Nevermore Forest, but dont be all doom-and-gloom just yet,
Matt. Im sure I can come up with a plan that will save the
forest and send the fat-cats packing! Andrew said.
Like what, Andrew?? Matt asked angrily.
We need someone theyll listen to. Somebody who refuses to
ever sit down and shut up. Somebody who always makes sure
their voice is heard, that their complaints are acknowledged.
Somebody like you, Matt, Andrew said.
WHAT?!?? I dont complain that often! Uh, do I? Matt asked,
suddenly concerned.
I meant it as a compliment, Andrew insisted, lets face it, you
are more, er, conversationally assertive than most of us.
You mean Im whinier than a squeaky wheel, Matt said
crossly.
Well, ok, yeah, Andrew admitted, But the fact is, when you
complain, people listen. These guys will take you more
seriously than the rest of us. Wont you at least give it a go?
I suppose, Matt grumbled reluctantly.

And so Matt went up, up, up the elevators to meet the Fat
Cats of the Fat Cat Corporation on Floor 3 of The Wolf and
The Craftsman Inn. Currently, the three of them were enjoying
a spa bath of money.
Ahem, excuse me, Gentlemen? My name is Matt; I am a
citizen of Trouble Valley.
I understand that you intend to tear down Nevermore Forest
so you can build your Office Blocks there, Matt said.
Yes indeed, because it will bring us oceans upon oceans of
money! Said the first Fat-Cat.
Sweet, delicious money! Said the third Fat-Cat.
Yes, I understand, money is nice, Matt said, However the
Nevermore Forest holds important cultural significance to the
villagers of Trouble Valley, and they are against you chopping
down all the trees. And I am inclined to agree with them; I
think there are many fantastic locations out there that would
be a better place to build your office blocks,
The fat-cats stared blankly at him, then
Oh, I get it! Youre one of those crazy climate-change conartists, arent you??? The second fat-cat accused, pointed a
big, accusing, diamond-ring-encrusted finger at Matt,
Yeah, one of those shallow creeps who only care about
making money! The third fat-cat said, absent-mindedly
fiddling with the golden penchant hanging around his neck.

Oi! Matt shouted angrily, I was trying to be NICE to you

guys! And trust me, that doesnt come easily to somebody like
me! You guys are being meshugana!
Well, Im not saying this because youre Jewish or anything;
in fact, some of my best friends are hook-nosed pennypinching shysters. But clearly you are just plain greedy, trying
to use scare-tactics to get us to give you all our money! The
fat-cat said.
First of all, Im not a practicing Jew; For Petes sake, I had a
ham-and-cheese sandwich for lunch! I wouldnt know the
difference between a Purim and a pancake! Matt exclaimed.
Hey, dont make this about your Jewishness, big-nose, The
Fat-Cat complained.
Youre the one who brought it up! Besides, being Jewish has
nothing to do with this! Matt exclaimed.
Well, if this has nothing to do with your Jewishness, then you
should stop talking about it! Said the Fat-Cat.
I think he just wants special privileges just because hes
Jewish. What a greedy guy! The second fat-cat said.
Oy vey, you people are idiots, Matt said.
The fat-cats stared at him blankly.
This whole thing is so ridiculous. How did you even guess at
my Jewish ancestry? Because of my curly hair and big nose?

Look out the window; theres my three ginger-haired friends.

If this were the Spanish Inquisition, you would have accused
THEM of being Jews apropos of nothing but their ginger hair,
Matt said.
But anyway, weve dragged way off-topic here; my main point
here is that you shouldnt destroy the Nevermore Forest! Matt
said.
Pfah! Said the fat-cat, You may as well give up; your scare
tactics will have no affect on us!
For goodness sake! This is so wrong! Everything about what
youre saying is just so wrong! And since you wont listen to
me, Im just going to have to show you how wrong you are!
Matt said, and then angrily stormed out.
Much later, Matt opened the door again with much fanfare, as
a Red carpet rolled out for him to walk out on.
Matt was now wearing a most fancy suit with a shining black
cape, and a devils goatee hung from his chin; atop his head
was a top hat with golden lining. He had applied some makeup to make his long nose more accentuated. His hair was
smooth and fancy. He wore small stylish half-spectacle
glasses that hung from the end of his nose.
He had a long, villainous moustache that he twirled most
evilly.
He let out a Vincent-Price style laugh, and then began talking
in a ridiculously deep Transylvanian accent.

Matt twirled his evil moustache.

Velcome, Velcome, pleasssssse, kahm een to my lair,
muwahahaha Matt said, I vill tell terrifying talessssss to
you and sssssssohk yor bloahd through your vallet in
exchange, Muwahaha
Matt twirled his evil moustache again.
And so the three fat-cats followed him into his lair, as Matt
rubbed his hands together and twirled his evil moustache. The
room was opulent; he sat them down on an opulent couch as
he sat on an opulent chair.
Sssssso, you vink you is very brave with ze not being
ssssscared, so vould ze care to prove it? I vill pay mossssst
handsssssomely to anyvone who vill ssssspend ze night in ze
Nevermore Forest, if ze dares! Muwahahaha! But virst, I must
give ze a varning; let ze vich and greedy Count Mattacula tell
ze sssstory of ze Bramblelingssssss Matt said, all the while
continuing to twirl his evil moustache. Suddenly Matt turned
serious and began speaking in a narrative-style voice, and
began to tell his story.
And then there were badly-synthesized sound effects of
lightning and howling wolves and the screen faded to black.
Then, Matt twirled his evil moustache again.

The
Brambelings

One cold November Evening many moons ago,

Lucian and Wolfsbane, two traveling pilgrims
were traveling deeply through the Nevermore
Forest, more deeply than anyone had ever
traveled before.
After much wandering, they found an old,
rickety abandoned campsite cabin.
What a fantastic place for us to spend the
night! Lucian and Wolfsbane said to one
another.
And so, they went inside. It was a small place.
There were a few childrens toys, old and dusty,
scattered around the place. There was a large
cracked mirror before them.
Wolfsbane admired his reflection in this dusty
old mirror as Lucian glanced upon the
Reading Room. The Library was mostly empty, save
for some old bibles and dictionaries.

Taped to the wall, Lucian noticed there were

some rather puzzling photographs taped to the
wall.
Most of the images were dark, blurry and out
of focus, and seemed to only focus on such
mundane sights as dead tree branches.
But one of the photos caught Lucians eye;
it was a photograph of a deceased gentlemans
disembodied hand, lying in the middle of the
forest.
But of course, Lucian had seen much stranger
things on his travels with Wolfsbane, so he
decided not to dwell on this grim image,
and instead he joined Wolfsbane who was
currently walking up the spiral staircase
upstairs.
It creaked and groaned as they walked up, and
then they went over and entered the bedroom;
there was an old, dusty queen-sized bed.
Perfect, just the right size for both of us!
Wolfsbane said.
And with that, the two of them got under the
blankets, talked about their hopes and dreams,
cuddled a little, kissed each other goodnight,
and went to sleep.

Lucian awoke in the night to the sound of

something scraping against the window.
Probably just a tree branch, Lucian reassured
himself.
The scratching grew louder and louder until
he could ignore it no more;
and so, he left the comfort of his warm bed and
walked over to the windowsill.
Much to his relief, it really was a tree branch,
rattling against the window. He looked out at
the flimsy thing; he noticed that,
seemingly of its own accord, the branch was
increasing in strength; it was no longer merely
tapping, it was strongly battering against the
window frame.
Lucian knew full well that he would never be
able to sleep with that much noise outside, so he
opened up the window-frame, reached out, and
attempted to push aside the tree branch.
Suddenly, to Lucians horror, the tree branch
grabbed his hand, and before he could scream,
another branch wrapped itself around his
neck and strangled him. Looking into the
blackness of the merciless night,

Lucian saw two round glowing yellow eyes

staring back at him, and then the branch
pulled him out of the window and into the
dark abyss.
Not long after this, Wolfsbane woke up, quite
thirsty.
He looked to his side and was somewhat
disturbed to find that Lucian was gone.
He got up in the pale moonlight. He noticed the
window was open, so he quickly got up to close
it.
He looked around and wondered where
Lucian had gone. So he lit a candle and began
to walk down the hallway, the floorboards
quaking as he shivered along down the stairs.
Wolfsbane then went to the Kitchen, and
poured himself a glass of water, being careful
not to spill it over the candle.
He then went back to the hallway, when he
noticed writing on the mirror.
There, in blood-red letters, somebody had
written,
REVELATION 7.14.

Which greatly frightened Wolfsbane. He looked

behind him, and there lying sprawled across the
ground was the corpse of his dear friend
Lucian.
The front door was wide open.
Wolfsbane was growing more terrified by the
second; clearly something or someone had
killed his friend.
He then carefully tip-toed to the Reading Room.
By candle-light he looked up at the
photographs.
Looking across at them, he did not notice
anything unusual. Simply nothing more than
photographs of tree branches. But then he saw
the photograph of a dead mans arm hanging
from his corpse.
As he pondered the circumstances of this mans
death, and whether or not
they were of any relation to his friend Lucians
death, lightning flickered outside and was
followed by thunder.
He looked behind himself, terrified, as he saw a
huge figure looming outside.
No, wait, Wolfsbane thought, its only a tree,
outside the window.

But then Wolfsbane had an odd thought;

hadnt this very same tree been outside the
window when he was in the kitchen fetching
himself a glass of water?
It sounded crazy, but alone in a cabin with his
best friend dead; Wolfsbane was not in the
sanest of minds.
So, bravely he walked out the front door,
holding his candle close to his heart,
the flickering light beginning to dim as the wax
melted.
He looked around. The tree had moved.
He looked this way and that, soiling his pants.
Suddenly, over near a gathering of pine trees,
he spotted a flicker of movement.
He looked closer and saw a pair of glowing
eyes.
I found you! Wolfsbane said.
The creature tried to cross from one section
of the forest to another on the other side of
the clearing, and now Wolfsbane could get a
closer look at the creature.
It was a Brambeling.
A terrifying monster who had limbs that
looked like tree branches,

and its face was little more than a beard of

leaves and those two soulless glowing yellow
eyes.
Wolfsbane pointed at the creature.
I can see you, monster! Your camouflage has
failed you! he shouted.
The Brambeling rose up to its full height and
looked at him. Its glowing eyes seemed to widen,
and then it started to run straight towards
Wolfsbane.
You killed Lucian! You monster! You, but
Wolfsbane never got to finish his sentence, as
the Brambeling proceeded to kill him.
And the last thing Wolfsbane saw before he died
was those two glowing eyes, staring right into
his very soul.
THE END?

That was the most ridiculous thing Ive ever heard! Said the
fat-cat, Youre just making up scary stories so we wont tear
down your forest, and then youll steal our jobs and our wives!
Yeah, hes right, and furthermore, your story has several
logical errors that I, as a great intellectual and climate change
skeptic noticed!
First of all, if both Lucian and Wolfsbane died, where did the
story come from?
Who wrote that bible verse on the mirror, and why?
If it was an abandoned cabin, shouldnt the water have been
cut off by the council, or, if they were using a water tank that
hadnt been attended to for years, then the water shouldve
been dirty and in no fit state to drink, shouldnt it have been?
Why did the monster hide? Why didnt it just kill them both
from the start?
Why didnt Lucian scream when he was taken out the
window? Why wasnt he more concerned about the
photograph of the disembodied arm?
And why is it that in one part of the story its a disembodied
arm, and then its a full corpse?

Also, theres the obvious fact that the amount of energy

required to give animalistic intelligence to a tree would require
a magnetic monopole super-imposed within a super-massive
black hole isolated within a Higgs Field times the density of a
weakless universe divided by the sub-particle wave length of
the root square of an isosceles triangle subtracting the parastatistical metadata equal to the maximum level of sub-atomic
exotic particles, then acting under the assumption that in the
event of the self-intersection of cosmic strings triggered by
inordinate radiation, there would exist somewhere an object
that was both simultaneously larger than the entire universe
and smaller than an atom, blatantly violating the Law of
Conservation of Energy.
Any child over five could tell you that!
But youre part of the evil Climate Change Cult!! There is no
such thing as Brambelings or Climate Change! The second
fat-cat exclaimed, and then stood proudly, thinking to himself,
INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORIOTY ACHIEVED!!!!
Oh no, Matt said sarcastically, My evil plan has been foiled.
Just please dont go to this particular part of the forest that Im
pointing to on this here map, then you might find out that I
made the whole story up! That would be just oh so
embarrassing for me!
Aha! Said the third fat-cat boisterously, Come on, lads, lets
go off into the forest and prove this complete stranger wrong!
Thatll show everyone how awesome we are!

The three fat-cats quickly ran out the door and headed off into
the depths of the Nevermore Forest.
Matt smiled to himself, and went off to get out of his ridiculous
get-up.
Three hours later, the three fat-cats emerged from the
Nevermore Forest, newly changed Men.
Golly, that piece of forest was just beautiful! one of them
said.
Theres no way we can tear down Nevermore Forest if it
means getting rid of that pretty place! another said.
Lets go build our offices some place else! the last one said,
and then the three fat-cats left Trouble Valley and never
returned.
Well, alls well that ends well, Andrew said.
Yeah, just dont expect me to do anything helpful for you guys
ever again; that was the most embarrassing thing Ive ever
done, Matt said.
Thank-you for saving the forest, Matt, Monica said. She gave
Matt a kiss on the cheek, then walked off.
Aww, are you blushing? Julia asked.

Hey, anyone else in the mood for Ice-Cream? Jack asked.

His friends all answered in the affirmative, and so they went off
to get some ice-cream.

Chapter 06 - Hunger no More

It was an average day in the small village of Trouble Valley
and the children were studying hard for their tests. Except for
Matt, who was currently trying to ask Goldie to the Harvest
Dance.
Sorry, I dont go on dates with losers! Goldie cackled.
Its not a date, its just a dance! Why would I want to date a
witch like you anyway? Matt asked.
If this is how you talk to girls, its no wonder you dont get any
dates! Goldie said.
I dont know what youre talking about, I talk to guys like this
as well! Matt said. Julia turned around to face Matt.
You could just go to the Harvest Dance with me, Matt, Julia
said.
I dunno, it might be kind of weird taking a friend on a date,
Matt said.
I thought you said it wasnt a date? Julia said.
Excuuuuuuse me, said the teacher, Mrs. Barrett.
I had hoped that it wouldnt be necessary for me to explain
that one does not talk during class hours, but clearly I was
mistaken! You can finish your conversation at lunchtime! Mrs.
Barrett said crossly.

Yeah Julia, what were you thinking? Talking in the middle of

class, the nerve! Matt said crossly.
WILL YOU BE QUIET! Or else I will have to enforce
PUNISHMENT! Mrs. Barrett said, and menacingly raised her
uncut nails to the exposed chalkboard. Her nails came closer
and closer to the chalkboard.
Ok, ok, chill, lady! Matt said, and stuck his nose in a nearby
Trigonometry book. Miss Barrett smiled.
And so not another word was spoken until the bell rang, and
the students ran out the door to enjoy their lunch.
Julia joined Matt at his lunch table.
You know, theres more to the Harvest Dance than finding a
girl stupid enough to go with you, Matt, Julia said with a smile.
Oh? So what is the Harvest Dance all about then, Julia? Matt
asked.
Its about celebrating the rich rewards of this years harvest,
about collecting together the combined foods of all of Slump
County and coming together to Trouble Valley to partake of a
glorious feast with all sorts of delicious food and compare it
with all the other tasty foods of New Zealand! My Mansions
keeping an intake of the Granary where were keeping all the
food, Julia said.
What kinds of food from all over New Zealand have you got in
there? Matt asked.

Well, lets see, weve got

Spaghetti and Meatballs, Fish on Rye Bread, Chocolate Cake,
Steak and Kidney Pie, Lamb Rogan Josh, Pancakes, Pikelets,
Cooked Lobster and raw Carrots, Baked Beans and Bananas,
Sauerkraut and Silverbeet, Salmon and Sushi, Apples,
Peaches, Parsley, Marmalade, Lemon Sherbet, Shrimp, Corn,
Bacon, Mollusks, Brussels Sprouts, Salami, Celery, Gherkins,
Zucchinis, Linguinis, Cantaloupes, Garlic, Peanuts, Bagels,
Macaroni, Ham, Beef, Chicken, Fish and Kangaroo, Pretzels
and Porridge, Coconuts and Caramel Sweets, Potato Chips
and Clams, Roast Duck, Shiitake Mushrooms, Strawberries,
Cream, Broccoli, Star Fruits and Sunflower seeds,
Olives and Oysters, Bundt Cake, Tiger Nuts, Bran Muffins,
Protein Milkshakes, Rice, Yamamomo, Beetroot, Donuts, Hot
Dogs, Croissants, Winter Vegetables, Summer Fruits and
Spring Onions.
And in celebration of the Harvest, The Wolf Down Inn will be
serving the following meals:
- Crme Brulee
- Coquilles Saint-Jacques
- Cuisses de Grenouille
- Quiche Lorraine
- Fish and Chips.
Its all going to be quite yummy, I can assure you, Julia said.
You guys take your harvests pretty seriously, dont you? Matt
asked rhetorically.

Meanwhile, on a plane of existence outside all time and space, atop

an asteroid with no real dimensions, there was a house named
RYORAK, a home beyond all mortal description. Inside were two
intelligent beings, also beyond all mortal description. These beings
were called ZIDDIC.
One Ziddic said to the other,
Can you smell something burning?
To which the other Ziddic replied,
Not tonight honey, I have a headache,
800 Trillion Years passed. The Ziddics watched a cloud of Chaos
Spores float by 4.
Eh, whatever, I just like my good ol honey sandwich, Matt
said.
Then, there was a sudden shriek!
Julia and Matt looked down the street and were greeted with a
most shocking sight.
Somebody had just broken into the granary.
Julia and Matt were extra-super-shocked when they found out
who it was; it was Jack Lawrence.
But Jack is such a nice boy, he would never do something
like this, the villagers told one another.
4 What is this passage even doing here? It has absolutely nothing to do with the Trouble

Valley story whatsoever.

But he had raided the granary, though he claimed that he had

no memory of doing so.
Matt and Julia knew not what to think.
But soon, Jack was joined by two other would-have-been
thieves; Goldie and Libby were caught, saying they had been
overcome by some great urge of hunger whilst wandering
through the Nevermore Forest. And soon they were joined by
other villagers;
Madhavari was caught with a mouthful of marmalade, and
Tane was caught with a tonne of tiger nuts.
Nobody had any idea what was going on.
So, after school, Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt
gathered at Monicas house.
I think I might know whats going on, Monica said.
Matt looked over to Monica, surprised. Matt had never seen
her look so serious before. She looked like she meant
business.
Ive gotten hunger pangs whilst wandering the meadows
nearby the Nevermore Forest, and all the people who have
been overcome by incredible hunger were wandering near the
Nevermore Forest.
This leads me to believe that there is only one possibility; we
are dealing with the Fear Gurtha.

I know that sounds unbelievable, but some very strange things

have been happening in Trouble Valley lately. We rescued our
village from Queen Oizys, I have an alien girl hiding out in my
stable, Tipene confided in me the other week that he had to
deal with a living teddy-bear with delusions of galactic
conquest, and Sunil keeps on showing me his creepy Art films!
You gotta admit, Trouble Valley is a pretty weird place,
Monica said.
What the heck is a Fear Gurtha? Matt asked.
Monica began to speak, but the radio suddenly turned itself
on.
A priestly voice spoke, REVELATION 7.14., AND I SAID
UNTO HIM and Monica switched it off.
Sorry, its been doing that all week; last time it started playing
Tchaikovsky in the middle of the night, Monica explained.
Ive always been a bit of a fan of Tchaikovsky, myself, Jack
said.
Anyway, Fear Gurtha is another word for hungry grass;
anyone who walks on the Fear Gurtha will be struck with an
insatiable hunger. Ive always avoided it by having some
crackers in my pocket, but that is only a temporary solution
to fix this, Im afraid were going to have to have to destroy the
poor blighters, Monica said gravely, and whipped out her
scythe.

It was really quite a sight to watch Monica cut up every last

blade of grass in the meadows nearby; it was a sight the
villagers would never forget.
And thus did Trouble Valley once again return to normal, no
more struck by the dreaded Fear Gurtha, and thus they did
hunger no more.
Monica refused to speak of the event ever again.
A day later, Julia received a parcel in the mail from her aunty
and Monica was there to join her.
What do you think is inside the box? Monica asked.
No idea, but Im sure its something cool! Julia said, and
began to tear the wrapping paper off.
Wait! Thats beautiful wrapping paper, Julia. Itd be such a
waste if you just tore it apart and threw it in the trash! Monica
said.
Oh? Queried Julia, And what are you going to do with it?
Hang the gift wrapping on the wall?
You could recycle it and use it to wrap a present for your
aunty, Monica said.
Well then Monica, why dont you show us all how its done?
Julia said.

And Monica did so, delicately lifting the tape off and then
slowly sliding her hand around the crevices and then she
gently took the wrapping paper off so it didnt break. And then
she held it up for Julia to see.
Nice and tidy, and no messy bits to clean up. Isnt that nice?
Monica said.
Whatever, sweetheart. Come on; lets get onto the exciting
part! Julia exclaimed.
The present? Monica asked.
No, silly! I mean the bubble wrap! Julia said, as she pulled
out the bubble wrap. She popped the bubbles with great glee,
sometimes one by one; sometimes shed roll the wrap over
itself so multiple bubbles would pop at once. Sometimes she
even went so far as to chew on the bubble wrap, and she
could hear loads of popping noises inside her head. It was
great fun, at least for Julia.
Want to give it a try? Julia asked Monica.
Um, no thanks. Im good. Monica replied.
But, to Julias distraught, there was no more bubble wrap.
Aww no, theres no more bubble wrap, said Julia, thats a
shame; I thought thered be more of it. Isnt it such a shame
that good things seem to only last a short while whilst the bad
things seem to go on forever?

I dont know; having good things only last a short while makes
me appreciate them more, personally. But either way, dont
you think we ought to look at what your aunty sent you?
Monica asked.
Maybe. Or maybe we should let the mystery simmer. Maybe
we should build up the anticipation, you know? Things like this
dont happen every day, you know.
If you arent careful, when you grow old youll have little more
than memories like this one to sustain you, and then where
will you be? Julia asked.
I say we open the present, Monica said.
Okay, Julia agreed.
Julia and Monica reached into the depths of the package and
pulled out a dress.
And Julia wore that dress to the Harvest Dance and everyone
had a most fantastic time, even Matt.

Chapter 07 Conflict Abounds

The sun rose on another gorgeous day in the small village of
Trouble Valley.
It was such a gorgeous day that Libby Barrett, of the Barrett
family, was walking the family dog, Xerxes, down the street
without complaint.
Xerxes may seem like quite a strange name for a dog, and
Libby was quite inclined to agree. However Xerxes was
himself quite a strange dog, so the name suited him perfectly.
At least, that was Libbys personal understanding of things.
She had been walking Xerxes since the crack of dawn, and
even though she was still enjoying herself, her feet were
growing quite tired. So she sat down and reclined over the
picnic bench, and lay there for a while, thinking about a girl
she had a crush on...
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didnt notice
that Xerxes had gotten loose of his leash.
Xerxes ran down the street and tripped up poor Luke, who fell
face-first into a nearby cream-pie.
Libby finally realized her mistake and was now running down
the street, leash in hand, calling after Xerxes.
But, luckily, she was able to get Xerxes back on his leash
before he could do any more damage.

And then, the minute he was back on his leash, he pushed

over a garbage can all over her skirt.
Meanwhile, in a small forest clearing, Matt and Andrew were
chilling out with Eve, the Hesean alien they had rescued some
time ago, and who was effectively marooned here on planet
earth, her own space ship having been completely destroyed.
Matt was rubbing his forehead and trying to focus, as Andrew
sat around looking bored.
Matt took a deep breath, and sighed immensely. He then
turned to look over Eve, who, as per usual, had a most serious
expression across her face.
OK, Eve, explain this to me again in plain, basic English.
Matt said.
As you know, Matt, lately Ive been conserving my energy,
and only been using a tenth of my powers. But my energy
levels are running low, and if I dont receive more energy
soon, I will most certainly die.
You know I have remarkable powers, but those powers come
with a cost; the cost being my life force. I need to get more
energy from the Abel Berry; its a berry that only grows on my
home planet of Hesea. It is the life-source of all Heseans such
as myself. She explained.
But how can we possibly get you home? Matt asked, Your
spaceship was completely destroyed in the wreckage, when
you were shot down by Queen Oizys!

There is one hope, Matt we can go back to the

Impenetrable Cavern; we may be able to salvage some parts
from Queen Oizys Spaceship and build a communicator,
which I can then use to get back in touch with my own
people. Eve said.
I suppose its worth a shot. Andrew said.
If its all the same to you, Andrew, Id prefer nobody gets
shot, Eve said.
No, I just meant ah, never mind. Come on, first we should
go and pack. Andrew said.
As Matt and Andrew packed, they thought about who else they
should bring.
Some of us should stay here, in case something happens
Andrew said.
I agree, Matt agreed.
I think we should bring Monica with us; she knows more
about the forest than anyone else in Trouble Valley. She can
guide us through safe passageways and tell us which foods
are alright to eat if we come across some wild berries in the
middle of the forest. Andrew said.
Shes a bit of a sissy, but you have a point, she could be
useful. Matt said.
Andrew looked at Matt solemnly like he was deeply offended.

Monica isnt a sissy, shes simply quite sensitive. Andrew

said sternly.
Whatever, I dont care either way. Matt said truthfully.
And so, after they had finished packing, they hurried over to
Monicas home and knocked on the door.
Monica opened the door for them almost immediately, and
then Andrew and Matt explained their situation, and the plan
they had for her.
You want me to WHAT? No way! Monica exclaimed.
Come on, Monica, you have to come, we need you. Youre an
expert on Trouble Valleys surrounding wild-life. In fact Id go
so far as to say youre more knowledgeable on the subject
than anyone else in Trouble Valley. Andrew said.
Im not going back in that forest! Monica exclaimed,
Remember Blake? Daddy says he got eaten by some kind of
crazy wolf!
You know it wasnt a wolf, Monica. Andrew said. It was the
wicked Queen Oizys, but we defeated her, remember?
I was kind of hoping that whole Queen Oizys thing was just a
really bad dream Monica said shivering all over;
sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she could still hear
Queen Oizys loud, terrifying voice.
Come on, Monica, its not like youre any safer here in the
village from other-worldly happenings! Said Matt.

Thank-you, Matt, thats very reassuring. Monica said

sarcastically.
Its for a good cause though, said Andrew.
Yeah, its for the Get the purple chick the heck off our planet
fund, said Matt. He laughed at his own joke, but then turned
to Monica, his face suddenly serious.
So, what do you say? Matt asked.
Monica thought for a while, biting her lip, then biting her
fingernails. She turned to Matt with a more confident face.
OK, Ill do it. Monica said.
Come on, guys, wed better head out before it gets dark.
Andrew said, looking at his watch unusually nervously.
And with that, they headed onwards towards the Kingston
Mansion.
Today at the Kingston Mansion Jack was doing some
Innkeeper Training, which meant he had to do whatever Julia
told him to.
At first, Julia was most pleased with having her own personal
butler, and she considered it a bonus that this butler was a
close friend of hers too.
He had already cleaned the entire mansion without a single
word of complaint, and was waiting for more orders from Julia.

As nice as it was to have a man about the house, particularly

a man who always did as he was told, she was starting to get
bored of it quite quickly. Jack, however, had not and was still
quite interested in doing any chore Julia asked of him.
Julia admired that enthusiasm, though she had no idea where
it came from. Julia was happiest when she was doing her own
thing without anyone telling her what to do, so Jack being
happy following orders puzzled her greatly.
So what do you want me to do now?? Jack asked.
Uh, well, I think Id like you to take a break. Julia said.
A break? Jack asked.
Yeah; you know, do something for yourself. Julia said.
Are you sure you dont want me to alphabetize your library?
Or I could make you a sandwich! Said Jack.
Why dont you make yourself a sandwich? Julia asked.
Make ME a sandwich? Are you sure you dont mind me using
your kitchen just for myself? I wouldnt want to do anything to
upset you Jack said.
Aww, my snuggly-wuggly Jackie-poo could never upset me!
Julia said, as she rubbed his cheeks, Now, I order you to get
into the kitchen and indulge yourself!

Jack nodded excitedly. Yes maam, right away! he said, and

then hurried off to the kitchen.
Julia then proceeded to relax with some crossword puzzles.
She did this for a few minutes, and then decided to check on
Jack to see how things were going.
As she opened the kitchen door, she asked Hey Jack, hows
it going on the sandwich front?
But she was greeted with an unpleasant site, as the kitchen
was quite a mess.
Whwhat have you done?? Julia asked.
Jack gave a weak smile and said, Making sandwiches is
more of an art form than an exact science; it doesnt work if I
think about how I do it.
Whats all this mess, Jack? Julia asked.
Oh, Im sorry I made such a mess! Ill tidy it up right away!
Jack said.
Just then the doorbell rang.
Right after I answer the door! Jack said and ran out the
kitchen and towards the front door.
Jack opened the door and there before him were his good
friends, Andrew, Monica and Matt.

Hey guys, whats going on? Jack asked.

Andrew briefly explained the scenario to his younger brother.
He was sad that he was not going to be involved.
You guys are going on a super-exciting mission and neither
Julia nor I can come? Jack asked.
We need someone to protect the village of Trouble Valley
while were gone. Said Andrew.
If you ask me, its more of a Hamlet than a Village, though
maybe it could pass as a borough. Julia said.
Either way, there have been too many weird things happening
here in Trouble Valley lately, like the evil alien Queen Oizys,
Andrew said.
The dreaded Fear Gurtha, Matt said.
Apples growing out of season, Monica said, that counts,
right?
Anyway, the point is, we need you here to protect Trouble
Valley. Andrew said.
You really think we can do that all by ourselves? Julia asked.
Yes, I do. Andrew said. Now, wed better get going; were
hoping to reach the Impenetrable Cavern before nightfall.
But Jack hadnt given up yet.

Couldnt you have me pull you all along in the horse carriage
like last time? Jack asked.
Last time you did that, you nearly got us all killed by crashing
into a ditch. No offense. Said Andrew.
Oh come on, that was just the one time! Jack complained.
Im sorry, Jack, but I think its best if you stay here. Now we
really have to go, guys. Andrew said, as Matt and Monica
prepared to grab their packs.
Well, alright, I suppose. Jack said, as Andrew, Matt and
Monica grabbed their bags and began to leave.
So long! Andrew shouted back behind him as they walked
away from the Kingston Mansion, leaving Jack and Julia to
their own devices.
Of course, Andrew, Matt and Monica didnt go to the forest
straight away. First, they took a detour at The Wolf Down Inn,
for drinks.
The three of them walked into the tall building and Andrew
ordered them all fresh, tall frosty glasses of lemonade, with
extra froth. Each of the glasses had a slice of lemon and a
paper umbrella sticking out on top of the ice cubes.
Matt licked his lips as the bartender poured the refreshing
beverages into the drinking receptacles, and then handed a
glass to each of them. Matt noticed that all the paper
umbrellas were pink.

There was a nearby little boy on a barstool nearby, and he

was upset he had not gotten any lemonade, despite not
having paid for any.
Thats not fair! I want lemonade too!!! Little Timmy whined.
I think youve had enough, the bartender said.
Ill tell you when Ive had enough, you you fruit! Little
Timmy exclaimed. He then turned around to face Monica.
Hey there baby, whats say you come back to my crib and
play a little twister?? Little Timmy said in what he thought of
as his most seductive voice.
Monica mumbled shyly. Andrew gave Little Timmy a Look, and
Little Timmy returned to his own barstool.
So, after that, the three enjoyed their lemonades and then
paid for them, and then the three proceeded to leave the Wolf
and Craftsman Inn.
OK then everyone, time to go to the Impenetrable Cavern.
Now, well meet Eve on the edge of the forest. Everyone got
everything? Andrew asked.
Yes, Mother Matt replied sarcastically.
Dont make me come back there! Andrew replied.

And with that, Andrew, Matt and Monica walked off into the
horizon. Little Timmy watched them walk away, thinking to
himself how he could get his hands on some more lemonade.
Meanwhile, back at the Kingston Mansion, Jack and Julia tried
to think of ways to whittle away the time.
They had already cleaned up Jacks big mess hed made in
the kitchen, it taking up very little time at all, and now they
were lying about on the couch doing nothing.
Julia watched the Grandfather Clock pendulum going back
and forth rhythmically, as the sounds of birds chirping and
dogs barking played outside as they always did.
She tapped her fingers on the end-table. She fiddled her
thumbs. She even hummed the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
Finally she decided shed had enough and chose to announce
it to the world.
Ugh, Im so bored, Julia said, How long have they been
gone, Jack?
About ten minutes, I think Jack replied.
Great. What are we supposed to do now? Julia wondered.
Maybe we could invent a new word, like Zeekbort! Or
Dogwit! Jack said.
I like the sound of Dogwit. What does it mean? Julia asked.

I dont know; I just invented it. Jack answered.

Julia pondered for a few moments.
Then she began to speak.
Hmm, DogwitDogwit maybe Dogwit could refer to that
feeling you get where youre in the middle of doing something
productive and youre wondering if youre really being
productive and making a difference or if youre just mucking
around and trying to justify it by making it look like something
productive. Julia said.
I think Dogwit should refer to shiny purple shoes. Said Jack.
Eh, I dont care either way. Julia said.
Um, ok. Jack said.
Ugh, Im bored again. What can we do, Jack? Julia asked.
We could go out and ride our bicycles! Jack said.
So Jack and Julia got onto their bicycles and rode around the
village. They rode past the Delacroix Church, and noticed that
the sign outside the church today read REVELATION 7.14..
Julia loved the feel of the wind in her hair as she biked down a
slope and she and Jack returned back to the Kingston
Mansion.
As they walked back inside, Julia turned to Jack.
How long was that? Julia asked.

About five minutes. Jack replied.

We need to do something that takes more time! Julia said.
How about a foot massage? Jack offered.
Hm? Yeah, that could be nice. Go ahead. Julia said.
And so Jack went ahead and began to massage Julias feet,
rubbing along the creases with a little oil.
Hmm, not bad, Jack. Looks like I didnt make a mistake
inviting you over to be my personal butler for the day. Julia
said, smiling. She pulled Jack up to her height and hugged
him.
Jack smiled, surprised.
Whats this for? Jack asked.
Youve gone to so much trouble just to make me happy, Jack,
so I think you should feel happy, too, Julia said.
Aww, thanks, Julia! Of course, if I were really your butler, Id
want more than just hugs; its a rough economy out there, you
know Jack said.
So what do you wanna do now? Julia asked.
Jack beamed from ear to ear and said,
Lets prepare a big chocolate cake for the others for when
they get back! And so, they did.

Chapter 08 Bear Good Fruit

It was a nice day for a walk through the forest, though this no
less changed the seriousness of their mission.
Andrew, Eve, Matt and Monica were walking through the
forest, and were on their way to the Impenetrable Cavern. The
idea was simple: search the wreckage of Queen Oizys
destroyed spaceship and find her communicator, so that Eve
could send out a distress signal and she could go back to her
home planet.
Although they would miss Eve, they were sure Eve had many
friends and family members who were worried sick about her,
wondering where she had gone.
And so, they journeyed onwards through the forest, though
Matt was getting quite bored.
Are we there yet? Matt asked.
No. said Andrew.
Are we there yet? Matt asked.
No. said Andrew.
Are we there yet? Matt asked.
For the hundredth time, Matt, no! We have not reached the
Impenetrable Cavern yet. Andrew said.

Well Im sorry, Andrew, I just find all this trekking through the
forest to be awfully boring! Matt said.
Youre welcome to head back to hang out with Jack and Julia
back at the village. Andrew said.
No way, thats boring too. Said Matt, carelessly tearing a tree
branch off and tossing it aside.
So everything in the world is boring then, is it, Matt? Andrew
asked.
Pretty much, yeah. Said Matt.
I can hardly wait to get another taste of the precious Abel
Berry. Its such a beautiful plant. One day, when Im rescued,
Ill take you to my home planet of Hesea and show you
gardens of Abel Berries stretching out as far as the eye can
see. They look like bright red rubies, shining brightly across
their long and elegant vines, such beauty. Eve said.
Monica suddenly gave a squeal.
Is something wrong? Matt asked.
I thought I heard a noise, like a wolf howling Monica said.
Nonsense, there arent any wolves around here.5 Andrew
said, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, they all
heard very loud howls coming in from the distance. They
sounded just like a wolves howl.
5 This is true.

Ok, so whats that sound? Matt asked. The howling grew

louder. Seriously, guys, whats with this place?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 years earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monica lied down on her raggedy, itchy cold bed, no light but
the moonlight coming in through the window. She clutched her
teddy-bear close to her chest. It had red-and-white polka dots
on its tummy.
Suddenly, Monica heard howling nearby. She was very
frightened, and hid under the covers. The howling grew louder
and louder. She peeked through a crack in the blanket and
she saw three shadowy figures at her window, howling away
like mad.
The figures then began laughing and they came closer. It was
three of her classmates; Suzie, Sam and Lian.
Did you see how scared she was?? Sam said.
Haw haw, what a loser! Lian laughed.
Go away, you jerks! Monica exclaimed, standing bolt upright
in bed now.
Hey Monica, we left you a present in the stable! Suzie said
with a laugh, and then the three classmates ran off, as Monica
stormed out the door and ran to the stable.

There she found Chester the Pony with a sack over his head.
Theyd also poured over his water trough all over the stable.
You jerks! Monica yelled down the street. Ill get you for
this!
The three classmates turned around, now far from the stable
and shook their heads.
Can you believe her? Sam said.
She cares more about some dumb pony than she cares
about people! Suzie said, and then the three of them had a
hearty laugh as they went back to their respective homes.
Hmph, Monica muttered to herself, Why would I want to be
friends with people? People are cruel and unfair.
Chester the Pony whinnied in response.
Monica then went back to her bed and slept until the crack of
dawn. She walked to School and was pleased by Diana
Barretts announcement.
Remember, class, tomorrow we will be going on a field trip
through the forest to learn more about the natural world. Miss
Barrett announced.
This cheered Monica up, even as Suzie and Lian lobbed spitballs at the back of her head.

Later, the school-day had ended and Monica was walking

home with Andrew and Jack.
Um, do you guys want to hang out? Monica asked.
Sorry, Jack and I have to chop up all the wood for winter.
Maybe another time. Andrew said.
You always say that. Monica said, and walked away from her
cousins. She walked past some of the girls in her class.
So, Im thinking: big party tonight at my place, 7PM. You guys
in? Asked Libby.
Should we invite Monica? Goldie asked.
Nah, she doesnt like being around other people!! Suzie said
with a snicker. She giggled and gave Monica a nasty smirk.
Libby and Goldie reluctantly joined in with her laughter.
Monica wandered back to her chilly farmhouse. It was quite
empty.
Dad? Daaad? Monica cried into the abyss.
Monica found a note pinned to the fridge. It said, working late
tonight. Will be back tomorrow. Dad.
Monica looked in the fridge and pantry. Both the fridge and the
pantry were empty, save for some cobwebs. Hopefully her
Dad would bring some more food tomorrow morning.
She looked down at the wood plank floor, forlorn.

At least I have the field trip tomorrow to look forward to. She
said. She crossed her arms.
Plants and animals are my real friends. I dont even want
human friends. I dont want Monica trailed off, and then she
found herself falling to her knees, crying softly on the cold
wooden floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be careful around this area, you guys! Monica said. You
could trigger a land-slide if youre too loud!
The four of them were currently walking carefully along a cliff
edge.
What was that? Matt asked, I cant hear you!
A LAND-SLIDE! Monica shouted.
WHAT? Matt shouted.
Knock it off, Matt. We know youre doing it on purpose
Andrew said.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING ANDREW? Matt shouted.
Andrew then proceeded to stuff a sock in Matts mouth.
Put a sock in it. Andrew said.
Matt spat out the smelly old gym sock.

Whered that sock even come from? Matt asked.

That is a secret I will carry to my grave Andrew replied.
Eve looked behind her shoulder impatiently.
We should pick up the pace. Its best for all of us if we reach
the Impenetrable Cavern before nightfall; the path will be
clearer that way. Eve said.
You heard the lady! Andrew exclaimed, Hurry it up!
This is so stupid. Howd I get roped into coming along to this
stupid field trip? Stupid. Matt said.
Suddenly, Matts leg slipped and he was heading for the edge
of the path and towards the jagged rocks below. Monica
shouted, Matt! Look out! and then she grabbed and caught
Matts hand, and pulled him back up from what could have
been his doom.
Wow, thanks Monica! You saved my life! Matt said.
Its a good thing we have somebody so caring and
responsible like you with us, Monica. Eve said.
Monica smiled, embarrassed, as they continued along their
journey.
Matt began huffing and puffing.

I sure wish you had some of those Abel Berries on you right
now, Eve, and then you could just teleport us all to the
Impenetrable Cavern! Matt said through several deep gasps.
Nonsense, Andrew said, this is good exercise!
You obviously need it! Matt said with a wry smile.
Was that a crack about my weight? Andrew asked.
I refuse to answer that question for fear of incriminating
myself! Matt replied, his smile growing wider.
Oh, brother Andrew said, rolling his eyes and sighing.
Speaking of your brother, I wish he was here right now. He
could provide some much-needed comic relief! Matt
complained.
I think youre doing a perfectly bang-up job of it yourself!
Andrew said sarcastically.
Great, the big fat guy thinks Im good at comedy. Matt said.
Andrews expression suddenly turned serious as he looked up
at the sky and back at his map.
Hm, it looks like its getting darker sooner than I thought it
would. We may need to settle down and make a campfire.
Andrew said. Matt nodded.

Good idea. Im getting pretty hungry, and Im sick of walking

around anyway, Matt said, Walking around some stupid
forest; who could enjoy that??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 years earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a wonderful day and Mrs. Barrett had gathered all her
students outside the Nevermore Forest, which was just
outside Trouble Valleys boundaries.
Monica looked around in awe, eager to explore the forest and
its immense beauty.
She was sure that within there would be many plants and
creatures for her to find, and she could make friends with all
the little adorable woodland critters.
Mrs. Barrett decided she would pair everyone off into groups
of two or three, so nobody would get lost. She paired Suzie
and Monica together.
Monica did not approve of this at all; she was sure that Suzie
would do little more than ruin her day.
Um, can I go with somebody else? Monica asked.
No, said Mrs. Barrett. And then she left the children to their
own devices.
So now, Monica and Suzie were walking along through the
forest with only each other for company.

Ugh, I cant believe Im stuck in the middle of the forest with

you! Suzie said.
Believe me, the feelings mutual. Monica said.
Well, if you want to spend all your time with a bunch of stupid
plants, then I wont keep you! Suzie said, and then she ran
off, probably to meet back up with her friends Sam and Lian.
Monica didnt mind this part, as she would like to be at least
ten miles away from Suzie at all times if possible. But what
she did mind was that Suzie had left her in the middle of
nowhere, with no idea of how to get back to the others. This
was scarcely odd though, since Monica knew that Suzie hated
Monicas guts.
Monica had absolutely no idea where she was. She ran off
through the forest at complete random.
She ran so fast she tripped on a rock and fell down, bruising
her knees.
Monica rose to her feet unsteadily, her whole body aching. In
front of her, she could see the Impenetrable Cavern. The front
doors of the Cavern, which would later be appropriated by
Queen Oizys and Blake, were locked tightly. She couldnt
budge them loose an inch. Now she was curious.
She ran around and around to the other side of the
Impenetrable Cavern, and found another entrance; there was
a steel-plated futuristic door that had been knocked off its
hinges lying to the side.

She walked into the cavern and found it quite barren, aside
from some bits of scrap metal lying on the ground. But then,
she noticed in the centre of this particular room of the cavern,
there was a single solitary vine, and on the end of it was one
single solitary Abel Berry; although at the time she didnt know
it was an Abel Berry; and it shined most beautifully and
brightly.
Monica approached this delicate flower slowly, in wonder and
awe. She went up close to the berry, getting down on her
hands and knees. The berry bled a drop on Monicas knee.
The bruise healed almost instantly. Monica was amazed at the
berrys powers.
Then, delicately, she picked up the plant and snuck it into her
pocket.
Now more confident, she rose up and proceeded to head back
to the others.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Barrett was back with all the other students
at the front of the Nevermore Forest.
Has anyone seen Monica? Mrs. Barrett asked her class.
Oh, she probably just got stuck in a ditch. I say we leave her
there! Suzie said carelessly. Sam and Lian laughed at the
thought of Monica being left in the middle of the forest all
alone with no food or shelter.
But then, much to the disappointment of Suzie, Sam, and
Lian, out of the bushes came Monica.

Im right here! Monica said.

Oh, Monica, there you are! We were getting worried. Its
starting to get dark. You dont want to be walking around this
forest after dark! Mrs. Barrett said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monica, Eve, Andrew and Matt continued to walk through
Nevermore Forest as everything grew much darker. Matt was
being particularly annoying.
Marco, Said Matt, Marco. Marco. Andrew, this is the part
where youre meant to say Polo
Andrew stopped walking as did his friends behind him.
Well set up camp here, Andrew said, Its as good a place as
any, and its dry and flat. Any objections?
No, it sounds fine to me, said Monica.
No worries here. So whats on the menu? Matt asked.
Well, weve got two choices, said Andrew, boiled carrots
over a campfire or we can starve.
If its all the same to you, Ill take the carrots. Matt said.
Smart guy, said Andrew, alright, lets start a fire Monica,
you can go get the water. Ill get the twigs. Matt, you chop up
the carrots.

Matt grumbled but did as he was told, wandering off a bit to a

flat-looking rock where he could cut up the carrots with the
knife that Andrew had supplied.
Monica walked off downhill to a nearby stream to fetch the
water out of a metal bucket.
You know I could just go out ahead of you guys, fetch the
communicator and come back. Eve said.
No, I dont think thats a good idea, Eve. This place can be
dangerous, Andrew said.
So instead, like usual, I just stand around doing nothing. Eve
lamented.
Sorry, I didnt mean to leave you out, its just, Andrew began.
Its nothing, really. You respect your own kind more than other
species.
Its strange to me that humans see themselves as being the
superior species, even though you wouldnt last a week
without plants and animals to eat, others to keep you
company, others to fear. Humans dont seem to understand
how valuable the plants and animals they share this world
around them are.
Thats why I must return home as soon as possible. If humans
ever learnt of my existence, Id suffer so much. It wouldnt
matter what I offered them, theyd only see me as not being
like them and therefore inferior. Eve said.

But were humans, and wed never do anything to hurt you,

Andrew said, besides, humans arent anything special.
If all humans thought like you, then you really would be
something special, Eve said.
Meanwhile, Monica came down to a small stream and began
to gather water, but then she heard a howl. She looked up with
a gasp, and then ran back to camp.
Guys! Guys! Theres something scary in the forest! Monica
exclaimed.
Just relax, Monica. What did you see? Andrew asked.
I didnt see anything; I just heard howling, Monica admitted.
Howling? Like a wolf? Matt asked.
Thats impossible; there are no wolves around here. Andrew
said.
Just then, a loud, long howl rang along the valleys.
Well, SOMETHING is howling Matt said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 Years Earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over the next few weeks, Monica set up a place for the Abel
Berry in the back of her greenhouse, taking good care of it,
watching it grow over the weeks.

One morning, she was talking to Mrs. Barrett.

Um, Mrs. Barrett? Monica asked.
What is it, Monica? Mrs. Barrett asked.
I was just wondering if I could show off my plant at the
Harvest Fair Monica mumbled.
Well of course you can, Monica, Mrs. Barrett said, What is
it?
Monica giggled. Its a surprise! she said.
Well then, Im sure itll be something pretty special! Mrs.
Barrett said.
Suzie, Lian and Sam heard Monica talking to Mrs. Barrett, and
so decided to corner her at the lunch table at lunchtime.
Hey, Monica, we heard you have some kind of special plant!
Suzie said.
Can we see it? Sam asked.
Yeah, were sorry we were mean before! Lian said.
You are? Well ok, I guess Ill take you there right after
school! Monica said.
Monica was very happy, because it seemed like she finally
had some actual friends for once.

And so, most trustingly, she took Suzie, Lian and Sam to her
glasshouse and showed them all the great, glowing abel
berries she had grown.
Its the most beautiful living thing Ive ever seen, Monica said
which made Suzie frown, though Monica didnt see this.
Well, thanks for showing us this! Youre sure to be a shoe-in
to win tomorrows Harvest Fair! Suzie said and her friends
and she began to leave.
But I havent told you the best part yet, Monica began, but
they were already gone.
Hm. Well, I guess Id better go and get a good nights sleep
for tomorrows big day! Monica said, and then went to bed.
Monica lay down in her bed, which, while still quite rough, felt
much comfier than it had felt for ages.
She slept for a while.
Monica suddenly woke up with a jolt! Outside, she could see
that the Greenhouse was on fire. Suzie, Lian and Sam were
hurling petrol bombs at the greenhouse, as Suzie bashed up
the Abel Berries with a Baseball Bat.
Stop! What are you doing??!?! Monica cried as she ran out
to them.
Ive never seen you so worked up before! Sam said.
Hes right; you dont care about other people at all, do you?
You just care about your stupid plants! Suzie said.

Stop this! Monica cried again, and then Suzie grabbed

Monica by the scuff of her shirt and slammed her against the
glass wall, breaking it. Monica fell to the ground, crying as
glass fell around her.
Stupid bitch! Why do you hate humans so much, huh???
Suzie asked as she hurled another petrol bomb and blew up
some more Abel Berries.
Please stopplease stop! Monica said between heaving
sobs.
Make her eat it! Suzie exclaimed, and before she could
react, Sam and Lian forcefully jammed the Abel Berries down
Monicas throat, as she cried and choked.
Cant you see youre just as pathetic and weak as this stupid
plant, Monica? You need to be with someone strong! Suzie
said.
All around her, the juice of the Abel berries dripped like blood
as the remaining plants were either bashed to death or burnt
to a crisp.
Youre the ones Monica muttered.
What? Suzie asked. Monica rose up her head, tears in her
eyes, as red liquid dripped from her fore brow; she couldnt tell
if it was her own blood or Abel Berry juice, but she no longer
cared. She glared angrily at Suzie.

Youre the weak ones. YOURE THE ONES WHO ARE

WEAK! Monica cried pointing at Suzie, and then a great white
flash erupted from her finger and filled the entire room.
When Monica could finally open her eyes again, Suzie, Sam
and Lian were gone, like theyd been wiped off the face of the
Earth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The howling continued, until suddenly, out of the shadows,
Suzie, Sam and Lian appeared.
The three looked over the gang for a short time.
Then, suddenly, Suzie announced Tie them up! and then
Sam and Lian tied up Andrew, Matt, Monica and Eve, and
dragged them off.
Where are you taking us? Matt asked.
Shutup! Lian exclaimed.
This is incredible everyone thought you guys were dead!
You went missing 5 years ago. But you were hiding in the
Nevermore Forest this whole time? Why? Andrew asked.
Because we must protect it! Suzie said, as they came up and
approached the Impenetrable Cavern, The Spirit of the Valley
told us that the Impenetrable Cavern and its secrets must be
protected at all costs.

The Spirit of the Valley? Matt asked.

Shutup! Lian replied.
But hang on, how did you protect it? It was overtaken by
Queen Oizys a few weeks ago, before we defeated her.
Andrew said.
The Spirit of the Valley told us that it was necessary and that
we must not interfere. Queen Oizys is inconsequential to us
now shes gone and never learnt of the secret behind the
Impenetrable Cavern. Suzie explained.
So what is the secret? Andrew asked.
Surely youve noticed by now that Trouble Valley is no
ordinary village, and there is a reason for it. There is a reason
all these strange things happen in Trouble Valley and nowhere
else. Suzie said.
And whats the reason? Andrew asked.
We cannot tell you, the Spirit of the Valley forbids it. Suzie
explained.
Well, thats just splendiferous! Matt said snidely.
Now you must tell us why youre here, or well have to destroy
you. Suzie said.

We came to retrieve Queen Oizys communicator from her

broken-down spaceship, so I can use it to send a distress
signal to get home, as I am running low on Abel Berries. Eve
explained.
What is an Abel Berry? Sam asked.
Its a small, red, diamond-shaped fruit, Eve said.
Let us show you something, Suzie said.
Suzie took them all to a back door.
The Impenetrable Cavern has a back-entrance? Thats
stupid! Matt said.
Its not that stupid; the back entrance to the Wolf and the
Craftsman Inn goes to my house, Andrew said.
Suzie opened the back entrance to the Impenetrable Cavern.
And there before them was the side of Abel Berries from wall
to wall.
Here, you can find enough energy to let you live on Earth for
at least a year, Suzie said.
Oh, my goodness! Eve exclaimed, This is all well and good,
but I still want to return to my home planet.
Sam! Go and search the wrecked spaceship for a
communicator, Suzie said.

Sam then ran off to do this.

This odd group of folks stood in silence for a short while, and
then Andrew began to talk.
We can guide you guys back to Trouble Valley. Some of your
family still lives there. Andrew offered.
We no longer wish to return, said Suzie, this Cavern is too
important. Lian, you can untie them now.
Lian then proceeded to untie Andrew, Monica, Matt and Eve.
Eve went off immediately to collect Abel Berries.
Wow, you know, I wouldnt mind some super-powers, Matt
said, maybe I should try some Abel Berries!
Eve looked shocked.
Most humans find taking Abel Berries to be quite fatal, and
with the few that can manage to digest it, it often can produce
extremely unpredictable results, Eve explained.
Monica blushed and cast her head downwards.
Why are there Abel Berries here anyway? I thought they only
grew on Hesea, Matt said.
Matt, just dont ask questions, it will help you a lot, Eve said.
I have the communicator, Sam announced, now you can
leave.

Yes, that is right, you must now leave and never return,
Suzie said.
I promise we never will, Eve said.
And so, using the strength of the newly-found Abel Berries,
Eve proceeded to teleport herself and her friends back to the
village of Trouble Valley.
Andrew, Monica, Matt and Eve then proceeded to hurry over
to the Kingston Mansion. It must have been at least midnight
by their estimate.
Jack and Julia had prepared for them all a fine feast of
chocolate desserts, and they enjoyed their meal as Matt went
outside to look up at the stars.
Tonight the stars had formed a pattern, reading REVELATION
7.14. This confused Matt.
Meanwhile, Eve walked away to a private spot, and activated
the Distress Beacon. The signal was launched into the deep
recesses of Outer Space.

Chapter 09 Press Towards the Mark

Twas the night before the next night and all through the
Polinski Home, not a single creature was stirring, not even a
garden gnome.
The villagers of Trouble Valley all got ready for Bed; brushing
their teeth and lying down to rest their heads.
For everybody needs sleep, this much is true, now Im going
to stop sounding like a sappy Christmas special before
somebody hits me with a shoe.
It was a silent night in Trouble Valley as the stars sparkled in
the sky.
Monica was lying in her bed, which was much more cozier
than it once had been. Her farm was starting to make a little
more money; not a lot, but enough to afford her family enough
for a proper bed and blanket rather than her old rickety bed
with the itchy black blanket that didnt keep anyone warm at
all.
She was reading a book titled, Happy Horsies, which had a
big happy horse on the front, and a bright blue sky in the
background, as the horse hopped along and through big green
fields filled with whimsical flowers.
She was currently reading the last page out loud.

And the Happy Horsies all lived happily ever after! The End!
Awww, what a nice story! Well, time for me to go to sleep!
Monica said to herself, then she blew out her bedside candle
and lay down her head on the pillow and began to drift off to
sleep.
She felt the cool press of the feather pillow as she lay down
and drew the covers up to her chin, her ginger hair resting
over the side of the bed. She gave a cute yawn and closed her
eyes, hoping she could fall asleep and spend all night long
playing with all the fun horsies she had read about in her
story-book. Surely, any minute now, she would find herself in a
dream without realizing she was in a dream; she had always
been a bit bothered by the fact that she could never remember
the very start of a dream, could not remember the exact
moment she actually fell asleep, but tonight this did not worry
her, tonight she was content.
She heard a funny noise from behind her. She was concerned
for a moment, but then told herself it was probably only the
wind, and proceeded to lie down on her bed again, took a few
deep breaths and enjoyed the pleasant softness of the bed
underneath her.
But then there was that strange sound again. It grew louder
and louder and louder. Monica opened one of her eyes just a
crack and saw there a giant purple tentacle reaching towards
her.
Monica began screaming. Her father, Byron Polinski, quickly
rushed in and turned on the light.

Monica, whats wrong?!? Her father asked.

Oh, Daddy, I think theres something under the bed! Monica
exclaimed.
Monica, youre a little bit old to still be believing in monsters
under the bed! Her father said sternly.
I know! But it could be a wild animal, or a burglar! Or a Real
Estate Agent! Monica exclaimed.
Monicas Fathers expression grew concerned.
Alright, Ill take a look! He said, then proceeded to look under
the bed.
See, Monica? Theres nothi-- Monicas Father began, but
was then grabbed by multiple purple tentacles and dragged
under the bed.
Monica was most panicked now. She shrieked.
Daddy? D-Daddy?? DADDYY?!??!? Monica exclaimed.
Monica gulped, and then she carefully, delicately pushed her
blankets aside and unsteadily stood up on her bed, dressed in
a flowery pink nightgown, just like Matts flowery pink
nightgown that hed told nobody about and only wore when he
was sure nobody was looking.
She gingerly stepped along her bed, and jumped across the
room to the door, closing it behind her.

She became panicked, breathing heavily, hyperventilating, her

back to the wall. She looked around the place, when Robby
the Barn Cat came along, purring and rubbing up against
Monicas legs. He let out a loud Meow!
Youre right, Robby, I need something to defend myself with
before I go back in there and rescue my father! Monica said.
Monica walked down the hallway, past a painting of an old
man with a long, flowing white beard. Monica was pretty sure
its eyes werent following her across the room, but can anyone
tell with paintings?
Monica walked on and on until she came to the kitchen. There
was not much here, save for a big pot of over-cooked
macaroni and cheese that was still on the stove, though the
stove was currently turned off.
There were some very sharp knives hanging on the wall, but
Monica was too scared to touch them.
She was afraid she might hurt herself. She also knew that her
father kept a shotgun above his bed on his mantelpiece every
night, but she was too scared to handle that either. She
couldnt even stand the sound of gunfire; just thinking about it
made her want to hide back under her covers and never
leave.
But, she couldnt simply leave her father behind, no matter
what. What would happen to him if she didnt go and save
her?

That frightened her much more than anything she could think
of that might be waiting under the bed to destroy her, so
Monica left the Kitchen, went back down the hallway and
returned to her bedroom door, completely undefended. Robby
was still sitting by the door as Monica grasped open the
creaky bedroom door.
You stay here, Robby, Monica said to the cat, Call for help if
Im gone for more than an hour!
Meow, Robby meowed.
Monica walked into her bedroom, shivering, partly because of
the cold breeze but mostly because she was afraid of what,
exactly, she was going to find in there.
Monica then got down on her knees, moved aside the blanket
coverings, and then she bent down, took a deep breath, and
slowly crawled under the bed.
Monica soon realized she was now in an endless dark abyss.
She stood up and looked around. There seemed to be nothing
around, nothing but complete utter darkness everywhere.
Then she saw a small dot on the horizon. She ran towards it,
and as she got closer she saw it was a classical wooden
dining table. She walked up to it.
There didnt seem to be anything particularly strange about it;
it was just a classical wooden dining table here in the middle
of an endless black abyss.

She noticed a blank sheet of paper on the table. She picked it

up, and then turned it over. On the other side of the paper,
somebody had scribbled the verse,
Revelation 7.14.
Monica folded up the scrap of paper, and put it away in her
pocket for safe keeping.
She looked around to see if there was anything else here, but
it seemed like the table was the only thing here. Then she saw
another dot in the distance. So, she ran and she ran off to it;
as she got closer to it, she saw that it was a kitchen, only that
it wasnt.
It was missing a kitchen wall, a kitchen window, a kitchen
door, a kitchen roof, a kitchen floor. Instead there were just
three cupboards, a fridge, a freezer, and an oven, standing in
the middle of nowhere. She walked over to this strange sight.
She looked around a little. It was quite odd to see a kitchen
with no roof or walls.
She decided to look in the cupboards to see what she could
find. In the first cupboard, there was nothing. So she moved to
the second cupboard.
In the second cupboard, she also found nothing. So, she went
to the third cupboard.

She opened the third cupboard, and in the third cupboard

there was an old spoon. She looked at it, confused, and then
decided that the spoon was of no use to her and she tossed it
away absent-mindedly.
She then went over to the fridge. She carefully prised it open,
and then suddenly, a shadow wolf jumped out!
It did not at all acknowledge Monicas presence in any way
whatsoever; instead the wolf quickly galloped off into the mist.
Monica raised both her eyebrows and stood there stunned for
a few moments, then went to look in the freezer. The freezer
was empty.
She then went to look inside the oven. There was nothing in
the oven either.
Suddenly, everything disappeared and the room around
Monica began shaking. Monica, terrified, closed her eyes and
covered her ears until the shaking stopped.
And then, she suddenly found herself in a strange space-ship.
A strange, purple-skinned, one-eyed monster stood at the
front of a podium, his many tentacles swishing and swinging
and hanging around. He began to speak in front of a crowd
filled with many different aliens and creatures.
As you all know, I am a great and powerful salesman, known
across many galaxies as the Almighty Olorhleng!

Standing behind me, this is a model of the Planet referred to

by the natives as Planet Earth; nothing very remarkable about
this planet, save for this pocket of energy located here,
Olorhleng said, then pointed to a part of the hologram that
Monica recognized well.
This area exhibits strange properties unfound anywhere else
in the universe. There also just so happens to be a Human
settlement nearby, which they call Trouble Valley.
For a while now, a rival group has been studying the village,
through studying and manipulating one of its inhabitants; a
mere child that goes by the name of Sunil Yohannan, even
going so far as to install a brainwashing device. Naturally, this
has left him with a rather disturbed mind, but never mind that
for now.
Now, I recently discovered this area for myself, and I instantly
understood the potential.
I discovered it when I received a distress call from a marooned
Hesean alien named Eve; though I have no intent of saving
her, her distress call helped me to construct a portal directly
underneath a small human domicile in Trouble Valley.
The settlement of Trouble Valley is, unknown to its inhabitants,
located on the Event Horizon of an Information Singularity.
In this way, the village of Trouble Valley has a similar effect as
the stripes on an Earthling Lighthouse, and no, I will not
develop that point.

But I can show you THIS! Gaze in awe at the incredible

Human Man! Said Olorhleng.
Suddenly, a vat of green goo shot up from the floor and in the
middle of this goo, Monica could see her father, Byron
Polinski. He was completely naked, save for a leaf covering
his genitalia.
Whats the leaf for? One of the aliens asked.
I dont know; I dont understand Modern Art, Olorhleng said,
But do you see the Glow? The Glow of the Singularity on
him? The Singularity can be yours, as tonight I will sell Planet
Earth to the highest bidder!
Now, why should you trust me over other Salesmen, you may
ask? Well, just take a look at my past successes, and then
Olorhleng began a slide-show, showing many strange alien
landscapes and creatures.
This Woman, I promised my hand in Marriage if she would
give me all the planets she owned! Now shes an underpaid
grunt who spends the rest of her life cleaning up the eternally
toxic clusters of Klept-058! Olorhleng said proudly.
And this Man was researching the secret to Eternal Life; I
convinced him to pour every last cent of his Money on a
collection of luxury vacuum cleaners! Now his dead body lies
forgotten amidst an enormous pile of Vacuum-Cleaner boxes!
Olorhleng said proudly.

And so, the reason you should trust me over other Salesmen
is because I own more things than you, Olorhleng said
knowledgeably.
The crowd then erupted in thunderous applause.
But first, we must partake in a feast! Olorhleng said, and the
aliens left as they began to head to the dining room.
Monica tried to get a word in edge-wise, but he was
surrounded by admirers.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Olorhleng? I was just wondering if I
could have a moment alone with you, Monica began, but was
interrupted by a loud pink alien.
No offense, love, but I dont think youre his type, The alien
said.
Huh? Monica wondered.
And now they were in the Dining Hall. Olorhleng stood atop
another podium at the front of the room and exclaimed, LET
THE FEASTINGS BEGIN!
Many strange dishes with many strange names were brought
to the table as many strange creatures came to eat this
strange food that Monica had never seen before.
She noticed one huge, giant blue creature that looked like a
whale. And there was an odd alien that looked like a miniature
version of a tall person, eating spaghetti.

Monica tried to find somewhere to sit; she found a spot in the

far corner that was free, so she took a seat.
The rest of the table was quickly taken up by a giant, horned
and demonic figure; his body was covered with spikes and
horns.
Hey there, Im Lou Cipher. Dont want to shake my hand? Ah,
too bad. You know, Olorhleng is just holding this whole auction
for show. We all know Im the wealthiest guy here!
Im going to win the Planet Earth, and as soon as I have The
Singularity, Ill toss the whole planet into the sun! Lou Cipher
said with a diabolical laugh.
What do you have to say to that, child? Lou Cipher asked a
very terrified Monica.
Um good luck? Monica mumbled.
Haha! I like you, kid! How would you like to come back to my
lair? All the candy you can eat! Lou Cipher said.
My Daddy says Im not supposed to talk to strangers, Monica
said.
Heehee! Youre a cheeky girl, I like that. Now please excuse
me, I need to have a word with the bloke in the black cloak
with the scythe Lou Cipher said, and then got up and
walked off. Monica looked out the window and watched stars,
meteorites, nebulae and such drift on by.

She thought to herself, she must talk to Olorhleng! So, she got
up and walked to the podium.
Now look here, mister! Monica said in the best attempt of an
aggressive voice that she could muster, This is immoral,
unethical, and its not very nice either!
Olorhleng looked around the room, blushing.
People, please let me have a minute alone with my client!
Olorhleng said, and took Monica out of the room and into the
space corridor.
Young lady, that was awfully rude! Olorhleng said.
Im sorry, but you kidnapped my father! Monica said.
Clearly, youre not looking at this from a marketing
perspective, Olorhleng said.
I dont care; I just want my father back and for you to leave
my planet alone! Monica said.
Olorhleng began to speak.
Do you have any idea who youre talking to??
Do you see those shoes over there???
I dont even NEED shoes, but I can afford to buy them
because Im filthy, stinking rich! Those shoes cost more than
the crummy shack you call a home that your family lives in!

Who the Heck do you think you are? What have you ever
done? Just look at these riches that surround me; do you
suppose I got them from being honest, respectable and kind?
Where are your riches? What have you gained?
The answer is jack-squat. Youre nothing.
I could steal everything you own from you in a split-second, I
could destroy your world in an instant, and you really think you
have the right to challenge me?
I make enough money a year to buy out your whole galaxy,
while you till the land and seed the soil day after day after day
just so you have enough to get a loaf of bread!
Why should I listen to you? Youre a loser!
It doesnt matter that youve saved dying animals, or that your
family can feed the whole village; nobody would care if you
were a terrible, heartless, selfish jerk, so long as you have
WEALTH!
People respect me because I have wealth.
You have to work day in and day out just so you can afford to
have a roof over your head!
I, on the other hand, could easily build a palace the width of
your solar system! Im better than you!

You want to know why Im better than you? Because you

wouldnt even BE here if it wasnt for me opening a portal
underneath your bedroom! Can you open a portal?? Can
you??
There are two types of people in this universe, sunshine; there
are those who waste their time trying to make something of
themselves, who think that being valuable is about being a
good person who can help others!
And then there are people who just take what they can,
conquer and rule over everything they can get their filthy
hands on!
I call those people winners! But youre just a loser! Now get
lost and never come back! Olorhleng shouted, and with that,
he pushed a big, red button; a trap door opened under Monica
and she went flying, flying out into deep space.
Ugh, now I must retire to my living quarters to forget that
annoyance! Olorhleng said, and went back to his room.
Olorhleng went to his bathroom and pulled out a large box of
pills, and ate the lot, then proceeded to return to his lounge
chair, put his feet up with a newspaper, and relax.
Then, there was a knock at the door.
Olorhleng went over and proceeded to open aforementioned
door.
It was Monica.

Excuse me, fine sir, but I was wondering if I could just have a
few moments of your time, Monica began, but then Olorhleng
slammed the door.
NO! Olorhleng shouted, whilst simultaneously wondering
how the heck Monica had managed to get back in.
Then the phone rang, and Olorhleng picked it up.
Excuse me, fine sir, but I have an incredible offer for you!
Monica began.
Not interested! Olorhleng said, and hung up the phone.
Then, the TV turned itself on.
You there, fine sir! Have you ever considered considering the
consideration of considering to consider being more
considerate? Well my good friend, Im glad you asked,
because, Monica began to say on the TV, to which Olorhleng
angrily smashed his television into a million tiny pieces.
Then the phone rang again.
Are you ready to order now? Warning, stocks are limited!
Monica began, and Olorhleng smashed the phone against the
wall.
Then there was another knock at the door. Monica opened it.

Good day there, fine sir! I am willing, today only; to give you a
trial run of this amazing product I call kindness! Ill just need a
few personal details of yours then, Monica began, and
Olorhleng proceeded to attempt to slam the door on her.
But Monica put her foot in the road and pushed her head
through the door.
Did I mention it comes with a free subscription to, Monica
began, and then was shoved out by Olorhleng. Olorhleng
shoved tables and desks up against the door, despite
Monicas insistent knocks.
He then proceeded to blow up every electrical device in his
home, blocked every entrance, and boarded up his windows,
then went to cower in his bedroom
where he met Monica.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Screamed Olorhleng.
Hi! Said Monica.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? WHAT DO

YOU WANT FROM ME??? Olorhleng cried.

Monicas demeanour changed to an angry scowl, and she
grabbed Olorhleng by his eyelid, and looked him square in the
eye and said,

I want you to be a good little boy and give me back my father,

and then I want you to get the heck away from my Planet
and leave it alone FOREVER!
Y-yes, of-of c-course! Of c-course! Olorhleng whimpered.
Thank-you so much! Monica said, returning to her polite
demeanor.
There was a wave of light, and then Monica was back in her
bed, and her father was back too, naked save for a leaf.
See? No monsters under the bed! Monicas Father said,
blissfully unaware of the events that had taken place.
Say, it seems a little chilly in here Monicas Father said,
scratching his head. Then he turned around to leave Monica in
peace.

Chapter 11: ILLUMINATED

Translated transcript found in Fnord Ship 7.14:
Human beings are interesting creatures; they
find meaning behind every rock. A mystery
behind every sentence. A monster behind the
simplest words. If we could manage to
understand the evolutionary factors driving
this biological process
we may have a better understanding of
how The Singularity functions,
We are the Fnord, seekers of Ultimate
Answers. The Soon-To-Be-Enlightened Ones. We
have traveled across 700 trillion galaxies to
be here. Please help yourself to some snacks;
youre going to be here for a while,
We came here to learn why human beings apply
meaning to the meaningless, and how it
benefits them to create fears for themselves
even when unnecessary. We have been led to
believe by reputable sources that the reason
is heavily linked to an informational anomaly
in the space-time continuum. For all intents
and purposes we shall in future refer to it as
The Singularity.
But first, let us bore you with our history.

The Fnord is a bipedal Reptilian organization

of source-seekers and data-miners with
outposts across the universe. We are what the
native inhabitants of this land would call
Aliens, or extra-terrestrials,.
Many humans believe The Fnord to be an evil
organization that has control over the entire
world. We encourage these delusions.
It is better for us all if we are believed to
be nothing more than moustache-twirling
villains bent on World Domination and evil
cackling.
We are much more interested in the reasons why
Humans believe in some diabolical conspiracy
that controls the world. How does it benefit
humanity to think that the universe is more
than a screaming, uncaring mostly-empty void
of chaos and darkness? These are the questions
we have set out to answer,
We found a nearby village; the natives call
it Trouble Valley. Population of around
twenty-five humans.
We stole one of the inhabitants; a human child
named Sunil Yohannan. We subjected him to our
experiments, hoping to learn more about the
human psyche. What follows are our findings,
The transcript ends here.

It was a nice day in Trouble Valley and some of the kids were
having a rugby game in the fields nearby the Schoolhouse.
There was Jack, there was Goldie and Libby, there was
Tipene and Luke.
The ball flew this way and that as Luke kicked it this way,
Tipene kicked it that way, and everyone was simply having a
most gay old time.
But then the unthinkable happened. Goldie went for a big, long
kick and the ball flew high, high into the air, higher than any
rugby ball the villagers of Trouble Valley had ever seen or
heard of, and off it went, flying higher and higher, traveling into
the distance. Then it fell down and, by the time it was about
twenty feet in the air, the kids gasped for they saw where it
was headed. The dreaded gulch.
Behind that bush was a massive drop, at least 200 feet down
in a completely vertical direction.
Nobody was brave enough to go anywhere near that cliff
edge, for they knew that one false move would mean almost
certain death.
Wow, thats one heck of a drop, Libby said.
Yeah, Goldie agreed.
I wonder how far down it goes, Luke wondered.
Probably right into the centre of the earth! Tipene said.

Ooh noo, Luke squirmed.

Hey guys, whats up? Jack asked, bringing along some fresh
lemonades from the Wolf Down Inn that the rest had
requested of him earlier.
We dropped our ball down this terrifyingly immense cliff,
Libby explained.
Oh, well thats too bad. Would you like me to run off and buy
another one? Jack asked.
Actually, we had a better idea; maybe you could climb down,
Goldie said.
Yeah. Youre not a wimp or something, right? Come on, be a
real man! Tipene said.
So a real man is someone who does whatever hes told to
gain approval from others? Yeah, that makes sense! Jack
said happily.
And so off Jack went as he slowly walked down the cliff edge.
Are you mental, Goldie?? You could get Jack killed! Tipene
yelled.
You were the one encouraging him! I was just making a
suggestion, Goldie said.
I only said that because of what you said! Tipene said.

None of this is really helping the fact that Jack is already

gone Luke pointed out.
Meanwhile, Andrew, Julia, Monica and Matt decided to go to
Trouble Valley Park.
So has Eve managed to get back to her home planet yet?
Matt asked.
No, shes still staying out there in the stable, Monica said.
Yes, thats right, but we shouldnt talk about this kind of thing
out in the open, its not safe, Andrew said.
Why not? Theyll just think were crazy, like Sunil. And what
about all the weird stuff thats been happening in this village
anyway? How are people explaining that rock-monster attack
we stopped the other week? Matt asked.
They think he was an escaped circus freak, Andrew
answered.
Hmph. Fine, then. What do normal kids talk about on their
days off? Matt wondered aloud.
Oh, Ive got this great joke! Its about a Doctor and a Clown; I
dont remember how it goes, but the punchline is that the
Doctor is unmarried! Julia said.
Har, har, har, Matt said sarcastically.
Um, nice weather were having, Monica said.

"Indeed," Andrew replied.

"I heard your cat Robby died last night," Matt said.
"Oh, um, yes he did, but he was quite old. We were expecting
him to pass away for quite some time," Monica said.
"Hey, whats one thing youd bring with you to a deserted
island?" Julia asked.
"A boat," said Matt.
"Youre no fun," said Julia, disappointed.
The five of them stood on the picnic benches for a while.
"Has anyone been to any good opera houses lately?" Andrew
asked.
"No," Monica mumbled.
"Me neither," Andrew said.
"I tried to make a birdhouse yesterday," Julia said.
"I could really go for a cup of tea right now," Andrew said.
"Ive always preferred a cup of hot chocolate, myself," Monica
said.
"Hm, nothing beats having a hot cup of cocoa filled with
marshmallows resting by the fireplace, Julia said.

"Personally, Id prefer a hot naked lady resting by my

fireplace," Matt said.
"We should have a puppet show sometime," Julia suggested.
"No," Matt said flatly.
"I once saw a puppet show with dinosaurs," Monica said.
"Can we please go over to the Stable now? So we can talk
about aliens and stuff???" Matt asked in an annoyed tone.
And so Andrew, Monica, Julia and Matt all stood up and
walked over to the abandoned stable.
Eve was there waiting for them.
"So, you still havent gotten a response to your distress signal,
huh, Eve?" Matt asked.
"Actually, she did get a response!" Monica said.
Everyone turned to Monica in surprise.
"Last night, I had to stop this strange cosmic salesman who
tried to kidnap my father and sell off Earth; his name was
Olorhleng; he was very powerful," Monica said.
"Monica, why didnt you wake me up when this happened?? I
could have helped you," Eve said.
"I didnt want to be a bother," Monica said.

"And you didnt tell us any of this until just now?" Andrew
asked.
"You told us not to mention alien stuff in public," Monica
explained, "But anyway, Olorhleng didnt care about rescuing
Eve; he just cared about something he called The
Singularity. He said there was some kind of rival group that
was studying it. Oh! Oh, my, I just remembered something
else,"
"What is it?" Julia asked.
"He said that this rival group had done something weird with
Sunil Yohannans head. Some kind of monitoring station or
something, I dont know. But this group did all this because it
was interested in learning more about The Singularity,"
Monica said.
"He never said what, exactly, The Singularity was?" Andrew
asked.
"No," Monica admitted glumly.
"It may have something to do with the Impenetrable Cavern,
and that group of kids that were guarding the place," Matt
suggested.
"Indeed. But first, we need to figure out how to get this thing
out of Sunils head. Its obvious that this thing is whats making
Sunil act so crazy all the time!" Andrew said.

"Andrews right; this is a serious breach of Sunils freedom and

privacy!" Julia said aggressively.
"I dont care about 'rights; Ill just do whatever it takes to get
that chatterbox to chill out!" Matt said.
"And there may be other dangers present. We dont know this
things intentions, whether its noble or evil. For starters, I think
we should sneak into Sunils room and find out what we can,"
Said Andrew.
"Sounds good," Julia said.
"But Julia, you were just talking about how its wrong to breach
someones privacy, and now youre talking about breaking into
someones room?" Monica asked, aghast.
"But its for a good cause!" Julia said.
"The ends justify the means," Matt insisted.
"Couldnt we just tell him?" Monica asked innocently.
"Hed never trust us! He thinks were behind some kind of
secret conspiracy to keep all alien life a secret from him!" Matt
exclaimed.
"We kind of are, in a way," Eve said, "After all, Im an alien,
and youre keeping me a secret from him,"

"Ok yeah, but not in the way hes saying! This guy is a nutter!
He thinks theres something diabolical behind everything!"
Matt exclaimed.
"Makes you wonder how hed behave if he didnt have that
thing inside his head," said Andrew.
"We could make him normal," Matt said with a grin.
"We should take out this satellite or whatever it is before he
harms either himself or others. Of course, Ill need to stay here
whilst you break into Sunils room," Eve said.
"Well, times a wastin; come on, guys." Andrew said, and led
them off to Sunils house.
And so they carefully broke into Sunils bedroom. They saw
some strange things.
They saw a star map highlighting the Sirius star; they saw the
words ATLANTIS printed above a picture of a dodgy London
street, the words LIATRIS printed above a picture of the
ocean. There were also many sci-fi comic books littering the
ground.
"There doesnt seem to be anything too off-kilter," Andrew
remarked.
"Hmm. I wonder what an alien control device would even look
like?" Monica wondered.
"Maybe its the hat," Matt said.

"What do you mean?" Andrew asked.

"Weve never seen Sunil with his hat off. Like, ever. Not once.
He was even willing to be chased by the villagers rather than
take his hat off. So what if that hat is the satellite? What if that
hat is whats filling his head with all these strange messages
that make him behave so strangely?" Matt asked.
"Thats a clever idea, Matt. Cunning, even," Julia said
cheekily.
"Dont be meshugana, Julia, or my Reptilian Masters will eat
you," Matt said with a smile.
"So we have to get his hat off? But how?" Monica asked.
"Youre not touching my hat!" Sunil said. Everyone turned
around to see Sunil standing in the doorway.
"Uh oh," Said Julia.
"Uh, Sunil, youre probably wondering why weve broken into
your room," Andrew said.
"I already know! You received your marching orders from the
Reptilian Mother-ship!!" Sunil exclaimed.
"Look, Sunil, we think there might be something wrong with
your hat," Andrew said.
"Nonsense! It protects me from the aliens reading my
thoughts!" Sunil said.

"But maybe its actually being used so the aliens can read
your thoughts!" Monica said.
"Oh, so now youre making fun of my beliefs, huh?" Sunil
picked up a comic book. "These stories give me solace, so
just go away!"
"But what if its not just stories, Sunil?
What if theres something out there thats a lot weirder and
cooler than all these things youve tricked yourself into
believing in? You could find those things, Sunil. Just take that
hat off, and we can show you incredible things.
We can show you a real, live alien; not just some made-up
story somebody thought up to make people feel better!" Julia
said.
"I havent taken this hat off for five years. Anything could
happen if I take it off.
If I start acting weird, I mean, weirder than usual, like it seems
like the Fnords taken over my mind, then you have to kill me,"
Sunil said gravely.
"Gladly," Matt said sardonically. Meanwhile, Jack was busy
hurtling off the edge of the cliff hoping against hopes that he
would survive his fall.
Jack did not pray, however, because in his personal opinion
and not necessarily anybody elses, it was quite selfish to pray,
to ask the powers that be that the rules of the universe be
temporarily twisted in ones own personal favor.

But whether or not he was right or wrong about this, Jack

continued to fall down the cliff. Looking to the rocky cliff face to
his left, it appeared some stone mason had chiseled the verse
REVELATION 7.14. in the rock in big, blocky letters.
To his right, there was nothing but bright blue skies. A dove
with an olive branch in his beak flew by indifferently.
And still Jack fell. But, luckily, Jack did not die, did Jack. The
Fall of Jack was broken by a big, muddy bog full of icky, slimy
mud. Jack did not enjoy being dirty and covered in filth, being
the kind of guy who always took pride in his personal hygiene,
taking a shower at least thrice a week, which was quite an
extravagant endeavour back in those days, particularly for a
low-income family like the Lawrence Family.
Nevertheless, Jack had fallen into this big pile of mud, and this
was what had broken his fall, and it is certainly much better to
be messy than it is to be dead, so instead of complaining
about this rotten circumstance he found himself in, he looked
around his surroundings, and was surprised to find a skeleton
nearby!
Of course, Jack knew about life and death and had seen
plenty of sheep skulls in his time, having lived in that small
agricultural village we all know and love (You may have heard
of it; its called Trouble Valley), but this skeleton was
different. The head was like that of a lizard, but the body was
like that of a humans. It looked to be at least six feet tall. It
looked like it had been here for a very, very long time. Nearby,
he found another Reptilian skeleton.

This was already quite strange enough, and if Jack were a boy
of less caliber, he would have by now been running off
screaming.
And then his gaze shifted northwards, and he came across
what must have been the strangest sight so far that Jack had
seen that day.
It was an enormous alien-looking laboratory, fallen apart and
in disrepair. Half of it had been reclaimed by the forest,
overgrown with weeds and branches.
This same half had been pushed up against the cliff and was
now on an angle. It creaked and made odd groaning sounds.
Jacks curiosity was piqued, and since he could see no way to
get home anyway, he thought to himself that he may as well
go exploring.
And so, Jack journeyed valiantly onwards towards this strange
alien laboratory. He entered through a crack in the western
quadrant. Instantly he found himself overwhelmed with the
smell of sulfur.
All around him, Jack could see highly-advanced technological
devices. Most of them were broken, leaking strange black
liquids that Jack nearly tripped over once or twice. Many of
them had buttons and small lights all over them, the likes of
which Jack had never seen ever before.
There were little red lights, little blue lights, and little green
lights, all broken up into little tiny pieces.

None of them were lit up. Not one.

Then there were all the little buttons; red, green, yellow, blue,
purple, indigo, but though Jack pushed these buttons, not one
of them would work. Not one.
It was all a bunch of broken-down junk, all of it beyond any
repair, even that of the most advanced alien scientists.
And then Jack saw a faint red glow in the distance.
At first Jack thought it was but a figment of his imagination, but
it grew larger, and emitted a loud buzzing sound as he
approached.
He entered a dark room and came upon an enormous monitor
ten times his size.
There was a big, shiny red button underneath it, and
underneath that, the faint glow of the little red light that Jack
had seen when he had been in the other room that was not
this one but was in fact the other room that he had been in
before he had been in this room.
And now this room which was not the other room which Jack
was in before which was the other room that Jack had been in
before and from Jacks point of view the room he was now in
was the other room and not the other room as the other room
was the room he had been in when this room was the other
room and the other room was the room Jack had been in
which was not this room, but the other room, this room stood
before Jack in all its glory with the big, tempting red button just
begging to be pushed.

And so, Jack took a risk and threw caution to the wind, and
pushed the big red button.
BRRRREEEWWWWZZAAAAUUUURRRRRZZAAAAAAAAAB
UURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
The monitor came to life, and Jack was momentarily
overcome by its bright, powerful white glare. After a few
seconds, he squinted his eyes open and saw something most
surprising.
It was two tall Reptilian creatures in lab coats, talking in plain
English. Jack sat down in the seat behind him and began to
listen.
the human subject 0-1-3 has grown restless since we have
installed the device,
This simple contraption makes it so that millions of
meaningless words, phrases, verses and images pass by in
the human subjects brain in an endless loop,
The film then showed off a short portion of these. Random
words buzzed across the screen. 13! 27! 26! TURN! SPOON!
DOGWIT! 5! 55! 555! Jack was overwhelmed and confused by
the flashing text. He thought he might very well have a
seizure. He began to feel faint. But then the screen cut back to
the two Reptilian Creatures in lab coats.

None of these terms have any inherent meaning to them

whatsoever. We have also inserted random phrases and
philosophies, some that hold meaning to certain human
religious systems, others completely computer-generated,
The Monitor then showed off the following message in big,
bold type:
The Move-Takers Create History,
The Movie-Makers Create Mystery,
We are interested in learning what this primitive simian mind
attributes to this meaningless computer-generated phrase,
The image of the Eye of Horus showed up on the screen.
This image in particular inspires great fear in the human
subject. It grows increasingly paranoid just at the mere
physical depiction of the single eye.
We wonder why this is.
We know that many cultures believe in the deadly evil eye,
an apparent ability to kill others with nothing more than a
stare.
Perhaps the eye represents the Forbidden Fruit, as spoken of
in the ancient Earth tale of Adam and Eve, in which a snake
offers the first humans knowledge of the difference between
Good and Evil. This knowledge ruins their idyllic, utopian
blissful state in the so-called Garden of Eden.

Perhaps it is not so much knowledge that humans fear as

much as it is the consequences of holding that knowledge.
The human subject attributes to this eye incredible power,
believing that its presence is proof of an evil conspiracy,
Another loop of their strange video began to play. There was a
picture of an apple suspended in outer space, then an image
of some city in America.
Then the words WE CREATE MEANING flashed over the
images as it played over and over in a loop, getting faster with
each repetition.
Results are going well. The human has created elaborate
theories to explain the chaos of the words and imagery shown.
The human subject has successfully managed to create
information out of nothing. Apples,
The screen went abruptly blank.
Then, the number 9 appeared on the screen for a few
seconds.
Then, it went blank again.
Then it came back to the two reptilians, only one was naked
and without his lab coat. It didnt seem to make much
difference. Jack couldnt make out any naughty bits. Clearly
the lab coat was just for show.

We apologise for the lack of updates. The human subject is

growing more irritable. We think we should remove the device
before something terrible happens. Though we only have
trace amounts of information, they may be enough to helping
us understand the true nature of the singularity,
It is imperative that we remove the device before it is too
late,
Then, on the screen, the image of a bucket hat appeared.
We no longer care for the singularity; we now understand
THE TRUTH! The answer is spoon. 13. My soul contains
ingrown hairs. The mattress is the key! Apples apples apples
apples apples apples!!
The screen went black for a second, then came back to the
reptilians, clearly disheveled.
Mission is a failure. All resources have failed. Human subject
has escaped the compound with the device still firmly
implanted on head. We do not know what long-time exposure
to the device will do to a normal human mind. It makes no
difference. The noodles are inside my skin! The One
approaches. We must ready ourselves. Abstain from all food.
All water. All clothes. All contact. Very soon now. All we have
to do is wait. He will come for us.
He must come for us.
Mustnt he?

The lemon squash must never comprehend his--

And then the film went blank and the red light died out.
Jack slowly began to back away from the monitor, trying to
wrap his head around what he had just seen.
He hit the back of his head on a glass display, and he was
shocked as to what he saw as he turned around.
It was a huge display of hundreds upon hundreds of robin-blue
bucket hats. They looked exactly like the hat that Sunil wore
all the time.
The devices whirred menacingly.
Jack screamed and rushed out of the alien laboratory as fast
as he could, only to find himself lost within the confines of
Nevermore Forest. Now Jack was scared. He may never be
able to make his way home.
Would Jack have to live the rest of his life in the Nevermore
Forest?
Then Jack heard a distant voice in the distance.
You sure you know the way? the voice spoke. It was the
voice of Andrew.
Yeah, if hes alive, he must be over here! Spoke the voice of
Sunil.

Jack was most surprised to hear the voice of Sunil, but very
thankful when around the corner came all his friends; Andrew,
Monica, Julia and Matt.
Later, they all rendezvoused outside the broken-down alien
laboratory and explained everything that had just happened.
Andrew, Monica, Julia and Matt had managed to convince
Sunil to take off his hat, returning him to normal. He no longer
made mad statements about alien conspiracies nor did he
engage in any crazy shenanigans. All was well once again.

Chapter 11: True Justice

We live in a society in which a Man is considered successful if
he does things he doesnt enjoy doing in order to impress
people he doesnt like so he can buy things he doesnt need in
order to attract a member of the opposite sex he doesnt care
for in order to have children he doesnt want so he can force
them to go through the same miserable life as him.
A Woman is considered successful if she manages to attain
such a Man, and is considered something of a freak if she
aspires to be anything other than Wife of an awesome guy.
If youre wondering how any of this makes any sense, the
answer is: it doesnt.
At all.
Ever.
At the time this story takes place, only about seven people
had ever had the tenacity to question this line of logic, and
only one person had ever lived long enough to tell the tale.
The rest all died under tragic and ultimately suspicious
circumstances.

For example, there was Madeleine Rivers, who was savagely

attacked by killer penguins, while exploring the tropical island
of Hawaii.
Then there was Professor Dick Hertz, who tragically lost his
life in a freak poison-dart incident during one of his University
Lectures.
Then, there was a nameless man who tried to hide the idea
between the pages of a Novel entitled Trouble Valley, but
luckily for everyone else, he died cold, alone and afraid on the
seventh moon of Jupiter.
Then there was a Woman named Penelope Pincushion, but
she was burnt at the stake for being flamboyantly ginger.
There was also a young girl named Samantha Yurt, but she
disappeared in a train traveling over the Bermuda Triangle.
And there was the Man Humpty Dumpty, who sat on a wall
and had a great fall. Police suspect he was pushed.
And the seventh?
The seventh was a young boy named Mattathias Cyrus Harris,
a chap in his teen years with curly blonde hair, sickly pale skin,
and a long, big nose.
What Matt loved to do most of all was complain about all and
sundry. Matt could always find something to complain about,
whether or not there was anything worth complaining about,
and he was a very difficult person to get to shut up.

Probably centuries from now, Theologians and Philosophers

alike will argue amongst themselves over whether or not it
was even possible to get Matt to shutup once he REALLY got
going.
They would say to one another, was there any power in all the
universe, in all the heavens that could silence Matt? Was there
any scientific law that would allow for it?
In any case, one day Matt did complain on a Sunny
Friday Afternoon when he was spending the day at the river
with his good friend Julia.
The two of them both lay down with their backs to the grass
and looked up at the sky, watching as the clouds went by.
Julia saw one that looked like a love-heart.
Have you ever been in love, Matt? Julia asked.
Humph. Love is nothing more than a trick our hormones play
on us to scam people into breeding; thats all human beings
are really; slaves to our hungers, whether its food or love, and
we dont get any choice in the matter, we must obey our primal
instincts, and I will never have love, because I fight the instinct
that tells me I must be a predator, so my life will just end up
being a forgotten page in history, Matt replied.
Hm, it may just be me, and in your defense it most usually is,
but you sound much more grumpier than normal. Any
particular reason? Julia asked.

This is the anniversary of the day my parents died, 7 years

ago, Matt said.
Oh, Im sorry to hear that. It must have been quite tragic to
lose your parents at such a young age, Julia said.
Yeah, the whole thing is a blur for me, I dont remember
anything from that time. They died in a train crash, Matt said.
Were you on the train? Julia asked.
I dont remember, Matt said.
Oh, Julia said.
The two teenagers lay there amongst the grass amidst a most
awkward silence.
Is that the reason youre so grumpy all the time? Julia asked.
I dont know, probably, Matt said.
Its none of my business, but I dont think your parents would
want you to be wallowing in your own misery remembering
how they died; theyd want you to be happy, and to live a rich,
fulfilling- Julia began.
Shut up, Matt said, Just shut up and leave me alone, and
with that, Matt stood up and walked off.

Matt walked on over to Trouble Valley and collapsed onto his

bed. He couldnt rest. He rose up and went to the bathroom
and looked at the mirror. It was covered up in steam, and
somebody had written in the steam the verse, REVELATION
7.14.. This made Matt feel a twinge of pain in his stomach,
though he did not understand why.
Matt returned to his bed and lay down for a while, trying to
take his mind off his parents.
It didnt work.
What bothered him most of all was that he remembered so
little of what happened when his parents died.
His thoughts, however, were interrupted by the sounds of a
woman screaming outside.
If this were a story about a fantastic hero, then Matt would don
his perfect mask and perfect cape, run out the door in a flash
and announce, step back, innocent civilians! I shall now save
the day!, and then Matt would save the world from certain
doom in a most perfect way and be rewarded with millions of
dollars and a pool filled with drop-dead perfect gorgeous
women, and then go back home to his perfect private tropical
island where nothing bad ever happened, except for when it
was a chance for Matt to prove how awesome he was and just
plain better than everyone else.
But Matt was not a fantastic hero; Matt was Matt and nothing
else. He was a cowardly nobody; a living joke. And none of his
friends particularly fitted the standard model of hero either.

His friends were losers, not heroes.

Andrew, for example, was the kind of boy who could always
take charge of a situation, somebody who could come up with
fantastic plans to solve problems in the blink of an eye.
However, he was also very serious and never showed a hint of
emotion. His face was perpetually blank, he spoke in a dead
monotone, he was the kind of guy who wouldnt know what
Fun was if it gave a detailed presentation on its benefits with
detailed charts and graphs.
Andrew felt that he could not afford to ever be distracted, for
he secretly feared that if he ever stopped focusing, people
including his friends and family could get hurt.
Though he would never admit it, Andrew was terrified of all the
troubles his friends and he had faced, and his greatest wish
was for a peaceful world where he could relax for once, a
world where he would not be afraid to smile, or to cry, or to
run.
Jack was a genuine, all-around nice guy, who loved to go out
of his way to help others. He liked to cook, bake and clean but
most of all he liked to see other people being pleased, and if
he was the one doing the pleasing, then all the better.
However, sometimes his obedient nature could turn out to be
most unhelpful, when not merely annoying. For example once
he had nearly gotten himself and all his friends killed when he
accidentally drove a carriage off the edge of a cliff.

He had the tendency to rush to help others even in situations

where he clearly had no idea what he was doing.
And of course the fact that Jack could never say no to
anything meant he could be quite easily manipulated by those
who cared not for Jacks feelings.
Jack was, overall, a very impulsive, happy-go-lucky kid who
believed in the best of everyone.
Monica was a shy young girl who was very kind.
She had a great affinity for the natural world and loved every
living thing, from the smallest bug to the tallest tree.
Monica greatly cared about her friends and family and always
tried to do the right thing. She was a very kind and considerate
girl. She also had something of a green thumb and was very
good at growing various plants on her Dads farm.
However, Monica was also incredibly shy and could never
take the first move in any situation whatsoever. She got
nervous and worried about the smallest things, and she was
quite scared of the dark and of all kinds of things.
Then there was Julia, daughter of Mayor Kingston.

Julia was a very rich girl, who lived in a very fabulous

mansion, and who saw herself as something of a guru to her
friends, always giving them advice on how to live their lives.
Julia was a great lover of liberty and freedom, and believed
everyone should be free to do whatever they wanted, so long
as they werent hurting anyone.
Julia was in many ways the opposite of Monica, who was, to
be frank, a total scaredy-cat and also smelt of old horse due to
her being a farm girl and all.
And yet, the two were the best of friends, getting along like
two peas in a pod.
These mere mortal children - Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and
Matt had managed to protect their village from the forces of
evil more times than they could count, and today would test
their skills to the max.
In desperate situations, people often ask questions that they
dont care to have answered by others. For example, once a
comrade asked of me, Why do so many Women date Men
who are jerks? a question that has a most obvious answer.
There are Men who are cruel, heartless, unfair and abusive.
There are Men who are selfish, nasty, and unhygienic. There
are Men who would trade their dignity to be with a beautiful,
wealthy yet immoral woman. There are Men who are mean,
petty tyrants who love nothing more than to laugh at the
misfortune of others and care more about amassing wealth
than about protecting the innocent.

Women are Mens equals in pretty much every respect, so it

naturally follows that there are plenty of Women that are all of
these terrible things and much more.
There are Women who are cruel, heartless, unfair and
abusive. There are Women who are selfish, nasty and
unhygienic. There are Women who would trade their dignity to
be with a beautiful, wealthy yet immoral Man. There are
Women who are mean, petty tyrants who love nothing more
than to laugh at the misfortune of others and care more about
amassing wealth than about protecting the innocent.
So, it follows that a terrible woman is attracted to a terrible
man as much as a terrible man is attracted to a terrible
woman.
Some readers may protest that they know of good women that
fall for terrible men, which means you probably dont really
know them that well.
When I explained all this to my comrade, he got upset, and I
know why; because he asked a question he didnt really want
an answer to.
When he said, Why do so many Women date Men who are
jerks? what he was really saying was, I love the sound of my
own voice, and am going to bore you to death with my own
elaborate theory that features fire-breathing dragons, space
zombies and a complete misunderstanding of the third law of
thermodynamics, and I will completely ignore anything you say
in response no matter how carefully constructed or reasonable
it is,

I relate this story for a reason, that reason not being getting
the word count up higher; the reason I relate this story is so
you will understand why, the first thing Matt did when he ran
out the door was to say, What the heck is going on here?!?!?
He of course did not want an actual answer to the question,
because the answer was so immediately obvious; a whole
bunch of wild imps were currently creating mischief all over
Trouble Valley, stealing pies, breaking vases, and pulling
Lucys hair.
He said it for the sake of simply having something to say, but
he might as well have said simply AIIIIEEEE!!! and it would
have contained the same amount of useful information.
It was as clear as day as to what the heck was going on, and
Matt knew it perfectly well. But this did not stop him from
saying what he said and he just said it, so there.
Matt took a closer look at the imp. The imp was about 16
inches tall, had leathery red skin that shone like crystals, and
little black bat-like wings.
It had a long swirly tail that ended in an arrow. Its head had
two sharp horns protruding out of its head, the same shining
red as most of the little imp. It had beady black almondshaped eyes, and a big mouth with a snakey tongue that hung
limply from the Imps lips.

The Imp, overall, looked much more cartoony than malevolent,

but it was pulling on Lucy Lawrences hair all the same, so
Matt grabbed the imp and pulled the imp away with all his
might.
It worked, but sadly the imp did manage to tear off some of
poor Lucys hair. She was most upset about this.
But she had no chance to mourn the loss of half her hair, as
suddenly another imp appeared and threw a cream pie in her
face.
Then, another imp popped up and licked the cream off with its
comically huge tongue.
Lucy tried to run away, but then another imp tripped her up,
and she fell on a pile of whoopee-cushions left there by yet
another imp.
Matt tried to help her up, but then another imp left a banana
peel that Matt tripped on, and then he tripped on a bar of
soap, then he fell face-first into a pile of cow dung an imp had
fetched from a nearby farm.
Meanwhile, Lucy was being wrapped head-to-toe in toilet
paper by two mischievous imps, as a third imp tossed eggs
that splattered over her face.
On the other side of town, Andrew and Jack had just awoken
to find that their bedroom had been filled by the imps with
lemon gelatin, which they pushed out the windows as they
managed to crack them open.

At the Kingston Mansion, Julia was trying to stop one very

naughty imp who was attempting to draw silly moustaches on
all the famous portraits that decorated the mansions hallways.
Monica, on the other hand, was crying over spilt milk, as the
imps had littered her bedroom with spilt-over milk cartons, as
her father Byron tried to catch the blighters with a butterfly net.
This is the strangest thing to ever happen in this village!
Byron said gruffly.
Monica could name at least three stranger things she had
seen in Trouble Valley, but did not bother pointing them out,
instead choosing to help her father catch the imps, which was
quite hard.
The naughty little creatures were all over the place; one stole
Mrs. McLochertys Apple Pie, and ate it in one big gulp.
Another snatched all the homework that Mrs. Barrett was
meant to grade for School, and threw them to the winds.
Four other imps were dragging Luke off the ground and made
it seem like he was flying, much to Lukes dismay.
Another group of Imps was attacking the Tirikatene Orchard,
tossing the hard fruits of their labor about and hitting them with
baseball bats like they were all Babe Ruth.
Andrew and Jack ran to the centre of town.

Shortly after they were joined by Matt, who looked like he had
been pelted with about fifty cream pies.
Eugh, yuck! What the heck are these little freaks?? Matt
asked, exasperated.
I dont know, but we need to stop them quickly! Andrew said.
That goes without saying, Andrew, but with what? Matt asked
through flecks of whipped cream.
Are you guys okay?? Monica asked the others as she came
running up, quickly joined by Julia, who had a big black
moustache drawn on her face.
I say we grab a big, fat giant mallet and smash the snot out of
all of them! Matt exclaimed angrily.
Matt, how could you even say such a thing?!? Monica asked,
outraged, These creatures dont understand what theyre
doing; they dont understand its wrong!
Dont worry, guys, Ive got a plan that will fix everything!
Andrew said confidently, Follow me!
And so, as the village proceeded to fall further into chaos,
Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt ran off and ran to the
back entrance of the Wolf Down Inn.
With a swift kick, Andrew knocked the wooden door off its
hinges, supposing that he could always go back and fix it once
the crisis was averted.

He ran to his bedroom, grabbed a volleyball net and a penny,

handing them to his friends, and then he and Monica picked
up the train set.
It was a most pretty train set, to be sure. It was a home-made
set Andrew had made when he was 10. It had taken him six
months to make, but he was very proud of it. It showed all the
little villages in Slump County, including Trouble Valley, which
was nested there in the centre of the depression.
The whole train set was encased within a glass casing, and
Andrew and Monica were now carrying it outside, as Jack,
Julia and Matt carried the volleyball net and the penny.
Now that they were outside, Andrew slapped a kick me sign
on Jacks back, and told him to bend over.
Jack did as he was told as Andrew stuck some gum to the
penny and stuck it to the ground, thus making it impossible for
Jack to pick up.
Jack wiggled his butt in the air, as an invitation for the imps to
come and kick his backside while he was vulnerable.
It worked, and soon the whole horde was heading straight for
Jacks butt.

Julia and Matt sprang into action, each holding one end of the
volleyball net 2 feet away from Jack, and they quickly caught
all the Imps heading for him, then they wrapped the net
together, and then, Andrew and Monica opened the glass
casing as Julia and Matt poured the imps inside, and then
Andrew and Monica closed it, leaving the imps trapped in the
train set.
There. Now they can destroy the village without actually
destroying the village! Monica said, relieved.
You see, Matt? No matter what happens, if we all work
together, we can conquer any problem we face, without
resorting to violence! Andrew said confidently.
Suddenly, there was a great enveloping wind!
Andrews train set went flying and fell upside down on the
road, the glass casing shattering into a million tiny pieces, and
the imps quickly escaped their prison and went to wreak
havoc once more.
Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt looked up to see what
had happened.
Its a bird! Monica exclaimed.
Its a plane! Julia exclaimed.
No wait, its-- but then the figure in the sky answered them.

I AM JUSTICE! DEFENDER OF THE INNOCENT,

DESTROYER OF EVIL! the being declared.
This humanoid being had pale skin, and shining blonde hair.
He had a mask covering his eyes. He wore a red-and-blue
suit, and a heroic blue cape, just like a real superhero would
wear. He was at least 7 feet tall, and he had huge, bulging
muscles and washboard abs underneath his leotard, which
was adorned with the symbol of a sword.
Do not fear, villagers! I will protect you from these evil-doers!
Justice said.
And with that, Justice picked up the Delacroix Church with one
hand, without breaking a sweat, and tossed the building at one
imp; it was hit with full force, and he was crushed into the
ground, as the Delacroix Church itself fell into pieces and
became rubble.
Then, Justice picked up Luke and brandished the boy like a
sword. He then proceeded to bash the little imps brains out
without mercy, and then tossed Luke aside like he was an old
used candy wrapper.
Justice then grabbed another imp and strangled it until the imp
began to cry. The imp begged for mercy, but Justice just
picked up the nearby swing set, and pummeled the imp into
the ground, then pulled the imp up again and tied the imp to
the maypole, hitting the imp over and over again with a big,
red dodge ball.

K-kill me, the imp begged as its teeth and one of its black
wings fell off.
Oh, you want some more, do you? Justice said with a laugh,
and threw the imp with supersonic speed at the train station,
blowing up the complex.
Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt watched in horror. They
felt this was maybe a bit excessive for a bunch of creatures
whose biggest crime was pelting people with cream pies.
Justice continued to beat up all the imps, destroying them with
bolts of lightning and with extreme force.
And thus, the day is saved, thanks to the almighty Justice!
Justice declared, and then disappeared in a flash of lightning.
But the kids looked around and could still see the village still
had imps all around, and it would surely only be a matter of
time until they gained their strength back.
We should talk to Eve about this, Monica said.
The others agreed, and followed her to behind the old stable,
where they quickly woke up Eve.
Eve, youve got to help us! Monica said.
Monica, I thought wed made it clear that I need my beauty
sleep, Eve said with a yawn.
Its an emergency, Monica said truthfully.

The village is under attack by a bunch of wacko imps! Matt

explained.
Eve looked towards the village, and saw the ruins of the
Delacroix Church and the Park.
Imps did this? Eve asked.
Well, actually, the imps were just breaking vases and stealing
pies. The guy who did this was a super-hero calling himself
Justice Andrew said.
Did you say, Justice? Eve asked.
Yeah, he doesnt play nice, Jack said.
Ohhh, play nice? And where has that ever gotten you? A
mysterious voice said.
N-no! It cant be! Eve said, and began to run for the forest.
She stopped in mid-walk, and then found herself hanging
upside down in mid-air.
Justice appeared next to her in a flash of lightning.
Oh, Eve, its so good to finally meet you in the flesh, Justice
said with a smug smile.
Do you two know each other? Julia asked.

In a matter of speaking, Justice said, Now, Im very sorry I

wasnt able to give you a proper introduction before
Give us back our friend at once! Andrew said angrily.
Is that any way to talk to the guy who just saved your lives?
Justice asked.
You shouldnt have hurt all those imps! Monica said.
Tell that to all the families they hurt, Monica! Justice said.
How do you know our-- Jack began.
Oh, I know all of your names, Jack. I know all of you weak
little children who have been protecting your little village from
harm, all the while trying to never harm others, right? How
pathetic!
All these...things youve had to deal with, theyve all been
criminals, and criminals deserve to be punished, whether
theyre some idiot alien queen, evil teddy-bears, cursed grass,
or some gentleman thief! Justice said, and then held up a
bank note.
Because you were too cowardly to kill him, I had to go to all
the trouble of tracking down The Fedora. I turned him into a
bank note! Justice said with a smile, then lit a flame with his
fingers and set fire to the note, stuck it into his mouth and
inhaled deeply as if it were a cigarette.

Justice then pulled from behind him the Terrifying and Terrible
Lord Ursa, an impotent teddy-bear, and ripped off his head
with no effort, showering the children with fluff.
See how easy that was? So why do you insist on finding
peaceful solutions to deal with these rotten creatures? Justice
asked, holding up an imp.
Why are you siding with monsters and villains? Do you enjoy
watching innocent people die, hm? Justice asked.
But these imps are innocents too! They dont know what
theyre doing! Monica said.
Justice his eyes and turned to Monica with a murderous glint
in his eyes, and Monica wished shed never spoken.
Oh COME ON, thats what criminals always say! oh, I had a
hard life, I have a disease, Im sick, how was I supposed to
know she was under 18? Its just so easy to say its never
your fault, isnt it, Monica? Justice said angrily.
You think that these imps deserve mercy? Then youre all just
as bad as them! You are all evil, murderous criminals! You
wouldnt dare show them mercy if you ever suffered serious
abuse, Monica! Justice declared.
Thats enough, leave her alone! Andrew said in the most
commanding voice he could manage.

Oh, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, who do you think you are to tell
me what to do? Do you have any idea of how much power I
wield? I could cut this planet in half before you have time to
blink, Justice asked.
You may be powerful, but that doesn't mean anything! We
dont need you; violence never solves anything! Andrew said.
Justice howled with laughter. Oh, really? Do you all honestly
believe that? Justice asked.
The others nodded.
Well, I always love to give people a choice, so heres the
deal, Justice began, and the imp in his hand came back to life
and flew off to create more mischief.
The imps are currently destroying your precious village right
now. You have the choice to try to stop them in the next 30
minutes, and if you do, I promise to leave the Universe forever
and never bother you again,
And if we dont? Matt asked.
If you dont, your friend here dies, Justice said, pointing to
Eve, and you will become my eternal slaves,
But heres the catch; you are not allowed to do anything even
remotely destructive, violent or illegal to achieve this, or you
lose automatically!
So play nice! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!!

Then, Justice and Eve disappeared in another flash of

lightning.

Chapter 12: Live by the Sword.

Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt were in dire straits. The
super-hero Justice had given them 30 minutes to stop the
imps, and they were running out of time.
They looked around the village, trying to spot anything that
might help them. Things were looking very grim for Trouble
Valley, as the other villagers continued to be pestered by the
annoying little imps.
Oh man, what are we going to do? Matt asked, terrified.
Dont panic, Matt. If we all work together, we can work this
out! Lets think: what do we know about these creatures?
Andrew asked.
Theyre small, theyre red, they love creating chaos, Julia
said.
Those kids back at the Impenetrable Cavern said they were
guarding something, and now all of sudden these little red
dudes show up and start creating havoc. I think they may have
been guarding a portal, Andrew said.
Like a portal to another world? Jack asked.
It could be a portal back to the Imps home world. All we have
to do is get the imps to come to the Impenetrable Cavern and
send those annoying little things back where they came from!
Matt said.

But how are we ever going to get there in the next 30

minutes? Monica asked.
Like how we did last time? Jack asked, pointing to a goldencrusted horse carriage nearby.
No, we cant! Thats stealing. We lose if we break the law,
remember? Monica said.
Oh, right. Then what should we do? Jack wondered.
Look over there! Andrew said, pointing to the remains of his
train set. He beckoned the others to follow him.
This is my train set, so its not stealing. I think its just big and
buoyant enough for all five of us! Andrew said.
What are you thinking, Andrew? Matt asked.
Theres a river nearby that travels straight to the Impenetrable
Cavern. If we hurry, we can ride my train set like a boat and
make it to the cavern in time! Andrew said.
And so, without wasting a second, the five of them grabbed
the train set and carried it to the river. They all stepped on,
and they found it could support all of them, if they sat down
first. They began to wade down the river.
Lets use these branches as oars, Andrew said, and the
others did so. They rowed and rowed down the river.

So how are we going to get the imps to come to us? Matt

asked.
The sound in that cavern reverberates; we just need to make
really loud noises and that will attract the imps, Andrew
explained.
You think those weirdo kids protecting the place will let us do
that? Matt asked.
Theyll have to, Andrew said.
Then, suddenly, the sky turned a dark grey, lightning flickered
above the valley as it grew dark.
The kids turned around and, to their horror, there was a huge
torrent of water coming up behind them.
Then, the forest came to life. Trees rose from their roots and
became Brambelings, and they waved their branches at the
children as they rode the fast current like a wave, hanging
onto the train set as they held on for dear life.
Branches pummeled around them as they continued to hold
on. They dodged rocks and fell down gorges as the rapids
grew larger and faster.
Monica began crying as Andrew held her close.
Then, Justice appeared above them, following them like a
fairy.

Whats the matter, having a little trouble, are we? Justice

asked with a smirk.
Did you do this?!? Andrew yelled. His voice was becoming
hoarse.
Whats the matter, Andrew? After all, you dont need anything
to stop me, so long as you have each other, right? Justice
asked.
Pathetic. You should have given up a long time ago, children!
Justice said, and disappeared again in a flash of lightning.
Then, they crashed into a big rock, and everything went black.
Some time later, Andrew woke up, his head stinging. He could
see his friends and he were at the entrance of the
Impenetrable Cavern.
Andrew steadily stood up, as did his friends.
Three dead bodies lay nearby; the bodies of Suzie, Lian and
Sam. They looked like they had been dead for a while.
Peering inside the cavern, Andrew saw that the Black Sun in
the centre of the Cavern had been opened.
The five of them ran towards it.
This must be the portal! Come on, lets get some noise in
here! Andrew said.

The children yelled as loud as they could, making as much

noise as possible, banging sticks against the walls. Monica
looked outside and could see it was working. The Imps were
heading for the Impenetrable Cavern.
OK, now we just have to herd them into the Cavern! Andrew
said.
But then, in the doorway, Justice appeared in a flash of
lightning.
Now, now, little imps! You dont want to go back home, do
you? Not when theres so much left to destroy! Justice said,
as the Imps stopped in their tracks.
Here, let me help you! Justice said, and then he covered the
imps in energy, and then they grew into full-fledged, ten-foottall demons. They flew up into the sky and towards the
doomed village of Trouble Valley.
Justice pulled the kids along to watch.
To their horror, the demons now were crushing all the homes
and buildings, tearing apart all of Trouble Valley.
Ha ha ha ha! Yes, thats it! Kill them! Kill them all! Justice
said.
Libby and Goldie ran down the street, and the demons quickly
crushed them to death underneath their feet.

One Demon breathed fire across a wheat field, quickly killing

Little Timmy and Mrs. Barrett in a tornado of flames.
Milton ran up to their dead bodies, and cradled Little Timmys
body in his arms, his shirt soaked with tears, and then Justice
launched a ferocious bolt of lightning, killing Milton too.
You monster! Youre killing them! Matt yelled, and tossed a
rock at Justice. Justice smiled.
You just lost! You broke the rules and now the last of your
stupid village is being destroyed! And you know what that
means!!! Justice said.
Justice zapped Eve with a lightning bolt, and she exploded
into purple goo, striking the kids in the face.
And then, before they could react, the children were
enveloped in black smoke, and when they emerged, they had
become creatures with red eyes and dark red skin, and were
now under the control of Justice.
Meanwhile, in the village, Wiremu tripped on a rock and was
almost caught in a full blast of fire, but luckily at the last
second, he was scooped up by his mother, Moana. Tane and
Moana looked at each other.
We need to get back home! Tane said to Moana, and Moana
instantly understood. They ran off to their home as another
demon kicked down the Kingston Mansion.

Tane and Moana ran into the house, and locked the door
behind them. Tipene rose up off his chair, as he had been
sleeping.
This might be all our fault. We shouldnt have let those three
children guard the cavern, Tane said.
They had been guarding it for years. Something must have
happened, like Eve warned us about. But we have a way to
defend ourselves! Moana said, opening the door to the
basement.
Mum! Dad! Whats happening? Tipene asked, looking out at
the window. The sky was tainted dark-red with black clouds.
He could see the figure of Justice standing above the
mountaintops. Now he was 50 feet tall.
This village shall serve as my throne, as we spread truth and
justice across the universe! Justice announced, and out of the
ruins of Trouble Valley he rose a great, giant pillar, and on the
top was his throne, which he proceeded to sit down upon.
Just protect Wiremu! Tane said, and Tane and Moana ran
down to the basement. It was full of Abel Berries, which they
quickly ate.
Just then, Justice appeared in front of them.
You monster! Youve destroyed innocent people! Moana
said.

Those people were not innocent! Diana Barrett killed a man

over a poker game. Milton Barrett did terrible things when he
was 14, Justice said.
What about Little Timmy? Tane said.
To punish Milton for what he did to those children, I destroyed
all his children right in front of him. Thats Justice! Justice
said.
Youre insane! Tane said, and, using the energy of the Abel
Berries, launched an energy beam out of his hand.
Oh, please. Did you really think that was going to work?
Justice said, and then he blew up the entire house, killing both
Tane and Moana instantly.
Luckily, the blast shot both Tipene and Wiremu out the
window. Tipene clutched Wiremus hand and they ran off
hurriedly down the streets, as a demonic foot fell down and
killed Sebastian Oberto.
Justice then appeared in front of Tipene and Wiremu.
Oh, trying to run away? How cute. But Im not going to leave
any survivors! Justice said.
Stop right there! Said Sunil. Justice turned to face him,
smiling wider than ever.

YOU WILL BE PUNISHED GRAVELY FOR STANDING IN

THE WAY OF JUSTICE! Justice screamed, and Sunil was
zapped with full force. He stood back up, dazed and confused.
RTHSDKHJSHDHSDKGWGDSHJJKASHBF Sunil said.
Ha ha! Now move along, I have work to do! Justice said,
tossing the children across the street.
Sunil, Tipene and Wiremu quickly ran to Sunils home as
Justice flew into the sky, taking his human slaves with him.
Justice flew all across the world and used his immense
powers to punish many cities across the Earth.
He created tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and
much more, all over the world. People screamed as they were
destroyed in Justices rampage.
Buildings collapsed as people ran but to no avail. Justice was
unstoppable, and in the space of five minutes, he had killed 60
million people.
He rose high above the Earth so he could see all the
destruction he was creating.
A wave of Hesean Spaceships appeared behind him.
JUSTICE! The Hesean Governor yelled.

Ahaha, foolish Hesean scum! I remember when I last met

your wretched species; you locked me up in that infernal
Singularity! For how many years was I in there? Thousands?
Millions? No matter; this time I am ready for you! Justice said.
FIRE EVERYTHING!!!! The Hesean Governor yelled.
The Hesean Fleet, using all their mental energy, blasted
Justice with round after round of plasma, laser beams, and
death rays.
But it did not make one iota of difference.
Justice laughed as the space-ships swirled around him, then
one singed a spot on his cape a dark brown.
He stopped laughing and rose his hands above his head, and
shot a great, enormous ball of energy at the fleet, wiping out at
least half of ships in one instant.
Retreat! Retreat! The Heseans screamed, but Justice was
having none of that.
He threw planet-sized energy bombs and wiped them out,
save for one ship; the Hesean Governors ship.
Ill let those ones escape, Justice said to himself,
then they can breed and have children, who will have children
of their own, generation after generation, so I can kill all of
them too. That way, the fun will never end!

The Hesean Governors ship landed in a remote desert on

Earth.
The Hesean Government sent out his signal to his home
planet. Reinforcements! We need reinforcements
immediately! Every Hesean that cares about the fate of the
Universe, board a ship immediately! The Beast has escaped
the Pit! I repeat, The Beast has escaped the Pit!
Meanwhile, Justice called upon his human slaves, the
corrupted forms of Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt.
Now that weve warmed up with a little city-burning, lets
move onto destroying some planets! Justice said.
We shall rid the universe of criminals and evil-doers! The
corrupted form of Monica said.
Yes, yes! Kill them! Kill them all! The corrupted form of Jack
said.
And so they drove across the Universe to blow up planets
filled with living, intelligent creatures, each one with a wide
array of complex civilizations, religions, cultures and arts.
Boom! Justice blew up the planet of Rykafn, taking with it the
hyper-intelligent Deffegs who owned the largest archival
library in the universe.
Boom! Justice blew up the planet of Ceth, wiping out every
last remnant of the gorgeous Ghau Yabudi Religion, a group
dedicated to beautifying the universe.

Boom! The planet of Mytuj was blown up by Justice, seconds

before Mytujite scientists were about to discover the formula to
cure every known disease.
Onto Sennikala! Nothing can stop us now! Justice boomed,
and off they went.
Meanwhile, Sunil, Tipene and Wiremu cowered in the remains
of Sunils room, when suddenly the projector started,
seemingly on its own. Sunils film began to play, but then it got
stuck on one frame and this frame stood before the children in
big, bold letters.
The frozen picture frame read, REVELATION 7.14.
****************SEVEN YEARS AGO*********************
Khepri, my father, what is it that you wanted to show me?
Eve asked, as she basked in the glow of the Abel Berries,
resting her head against the inner walls of the Impenetrable
Cavern.
Khepri smiled, took Eves hand, and, focusing his energy,
opened up the black sun in the centre of the Cavern.
Are you punishing me because I spoke to humans? Eve
asked, as a black staircase appeared below them.
Just follow me, Khepri ordered. Khepri and Eve walked down
the staircase.

They walked down and down and down and down and down
and down and down and down and down, then, just when Eve
thought she was going to pass out, they walked down still.
Then they walked down some more and they walked and
walked. Then finally, they reached the bottom.
This place was different, Eve knew that much. This structure
was much older than the Heseans.
The Heseans had discovered this place many moons ago, and
when they learnt of its power, they had used it to trap what
they called The Beast, and now they protected it generation
after generation after generation.
Using his mental energy, Khepri opened the 50-foot gates
before them.
And then they saw it.
A great, swirling black void, sucking in the dim light around it
slowly. It spun like a pinwheel.
What is it? Eve asked.
Khepri answered Eve as they began to walk back up the
stairs.

Its power. Ultimate power.

Every living being in this universe has power, power they
can use to help others, but humans never do.
Humans do not understand power; they only care about
how much power they can have over others; they never
care about what they can do with the power they already
have.
I have seen what they do. I have seen a Man kill his own
brother without hesitation, solely for breeding rights with
a human female.
I have seen wars waged, millions killed, by people fighting
to prove which religion is most peaceful. This is what
humans do.
There are those that take, and those that make, and the
takers will always be more powerful.
This is because Makers are told their entire lives they will
never amount to anything; theyre always told that nice
guys finish last, and so they do.
Life is about survival, Eve. Surviving at any cost, and its
always so much easier to survive through taking from
others than to make things for others. Cheaters always
prosper.

We cant do anything about it, Khepri continued once the

two were outside the cavern. This cruel universe is ruled
over by Survival of the Fittest. That is why we can never
let humans learn of The Singularity; they will take its
power and-- Khepri stopped mid-sentence, and collapsed.
He had been shot in the back by two humans. Eve ran and
chased them, but they were already gone. But she had gotten
a good look at the people who had shot her father; a man and
a woman.
So, Eve decided to set out to find them, though she did not
have a spaceship. Through Video Intercom, the Hesean
Governor tried to stop her, but to no avail.
She claimed she had already found someone to take care of
The Singularity, so the Governor dropped the issue, but they
would arrest her if she insisted on getting her revenge. She
ignored him and went off.
Eve roamed the Earth, looking for a home, but every human
she met thought she was a creep.
Some even threw stones and rocks at her and called her ugly.
Finally, she was kidnapped by one mean human called Abe.
Abe took her to his Hotel Room, and told her she was an ugly
creep who only had one use; killing.
Abe told Eve he knew of criminals that needed to be
punished, so he sent her out to kill them. And if she didnt, he
would kill her.

One day she decided shed had enough.

Hey, Creep! Why are you just standing there? I found the
address of a thief, and you must track him down and kill him!
Abe said.
NO! Eve said.
Abe kicked Eve in the stomach and she fell to the floor.
Youd be dead if it wasnt for me, you stupid creepy freak!
NOW DO AS YOURE TOLD! Abe said.
Then, Eve turned around and killed him. He fell apart like a
doll, not spilling a single drop of blood. She laid the pieces
aside in the closet.
And then she began to cry. She gave up all hope. There was
no point in trying to search anymore; her father was dead and
she would never avenge him.
There was no point in living any more; she had no home, no
family, no friends, no food, nothing.
It was all her fault, for trusting these evil, greedy humans. She
deserved to die, she thought.
She pulled a gun out of the dead mans pocket and pointed it
to her skull. Tears began to stream down her cheeks as she
put her finger on the trigger.

But before she could pull the trigger, the door behind her
creaked open, and she could vaguely make out the face of a
young boy with curly blonde hair standing in the doorway.
Hi, the boy said, Are you ok?

Chapter 13: Signs of the Times.

Matts tired eyes opened to the sound of terrified screaming.
He stood upright, barely taking in his surroundings. The
shouting grew louder as the walls shook. Matts eyes opened
as wide as they could widen. The light above him swung
violently
*****************SEVEN YEARS AGO**************
Matt woke up screaming, and wet the bed again.
Naomi turned on the night.
"What's the matter, sweetie? Did you have a nightmare?"
Naomi asked.
Matt nodded.
"It's okay, everything is fine now," Naomi reassured him.
"He wet the bed again," Abraham said, poking the sheet.
Matt stood up to let his Father change the sheets.
His mother cuddled him and reassured him that everything
was going to be alright.
"Mummy, how long are we going to have to stay here?" Matt
asked.

"When your Daddy has enough money to buy a home, but

don't worry, that will be very soon," Naomi lied.
They had been living in this cheap hotel room for about a
week, and Matt had not made any new friends.
All the kids he came across made fun of him and called him
nasty names, and so did the adults.
Matt lay on his new clean sheets as Naomi and Abraham
talked in the Hallway.
What are we going to do? Nobody will ever believe what we
saw Abraham said.
Its ok, well find money to pay the bills somehow, Naomi
said.
The next day, Matt decided to go for a walk. As he went
across this walk, he spotted a gumball machine.
Matt loved gumballs.
Matt ran back to the hotel room, and asked his parents for a
little money for the toy train machine.
"First you need to do some chores before you get any money,"
Abraham said, and so Matt did all the dishes, washed the
laundry and watered the plants. Abraham rewarded him with a
handful of pennies.

Matt walked down the hallway and came across two toughlooking men, both with big muscles and white t-shirts.
"And where are you going, little boy?" one of them asked.
"Please excuse me," Matt said.
"I don't think you heard me right, I said, where are you going?"
the man asked, and kicked Matt hard in the chest.
Matt dropped the pennies he was holding in his hand.
"Where'd you get that money, jew-boy? Probably stole it from
some hard-working Christian family!" The man said.
"Let's teach this little punk a lesson!" The other man said.
And then the Men kicked Matt to the ground.
He crawled into a fetal position as they kicked his head, his
face, his chest, his back, his arms and his legs. He didn't even
try to fight back; he just lay there and cried silently as they
kicked him over and over again.
Then, the two men picked up some nearby Bibles on the end
table nearby, and they both bashed Matt over the head with
them.
When Matt finally managed to open up his eyes, he saw the
two men were gone, and so were his pennies.

Matt cried and looked into the nearby mirror. His body was
covered in bruises. He had two black eyes, and his nose was
bleeding. He was also pretty sure he had chipped a tooth.
Matt rose up unsteadily and wiped the tears away with his
sleeve.
Matt walked over to the gumball machine, and began to cry
once more.
"It's so unfair... I worked so hard to get that money, and those
jerks just take it away... why is this happening to me?" Matt
asked the empty space. He stopped.
He heard a sound in the nearby room, the hotel room labeled
Revelation 7.14.
It was a girl crying. Matt cracked open the door. Matt opened
his big mouth and spoke. "Hi. Are you ok?"
...
"Don't come any closer!" Eve said to the blonde boy,
"I don't want you to see me, like this..."
Eve lowered the gun to the floor.
"I don't want anyone to see me like this," Matt said truthfully.
"Leave me alone. Go away," Eve said.

The door shut behind Matt. He tried to pull the door open but it
was bolted shut. They were now trapped together in the pitch
black darkness.
He looked over to Eve.
"Do you need a friend?" Matt asked.
"What?" Eve asked.
"Because I think I do... everyone here seems to hate me, and I
don't know why," Matt said glumly.
"people are jerks," Eve said.
"You got that right, hun," Matt said, "I can't even walk down the
hallway without getting my face kicked in. All I wanted was to
go the gumball machine outside and get a gumball, but these
two guys jumped out and beat me up! Now I have no money,
and so I don't have a gumball. My life sucks," Matt said.
"Now, your life can't suck as much as mine. I just lost my
home. I have no parents," Eve said.
"You sound lucky! I wish I didn't have any parents, they're
always bossing me around!" Matt said.
"Yeah, my Father was the same with me, always telling me
what to do. At least, when he was alive," Eve said.
"Did he ever tell you not to go out on your own? Because
something bad might happen to you?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, he did, all the time," Eve said, smiling.

"Have you ever had to deal with bullies?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, all the time. People take one look at me and they think
I'm a freak. They pelt me with rocks, they insult me. They
make me feel so horrible. They make me want to die," Eve
said.
"I have the exact same thing happen to me! They don't even
get to know me before they judge me," Matt said.
"That's exactly how it is for me," Eve said.
Matt smiled.
"Do you like gumballs?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, sure! Who doesnt like gumballs? " Eve said with a
smile.
"We've got a lot in common, don't we?" Matt said.
"I suppose we do," Eve said.
"I am so glad I met you," Matt said.
"I'm glad I met you... I don't think I was going to last much
longer on my own..." Eve said sadly.

"You know, I should probably get back to my folks now, they'll

be wondering where I've gone. I'll probably have to knock this
door down or something. But I'd love to meet you again! I'll
meet you tomorrow, okay?" Matt asked.
"How will I know it's you?" Eve asked.
Matt thought about this.
The two of them stood there for a minute, in the Revelation
Hotel, Room 7-14.
"Hm... we'll have a secret password, so you'll know it's me.
Since I met you behind this door, our greeting will be
Revelation 7-14! Then you'll say Revelation 7-14 so I'll know
it's you." Matt said.
"Why would someone just randomly read the sign on the
door?" Eve asked.
"They wouldn't, that's the whole point! When you hear
Revelation 7-14, you'll know it's me, and whenever I hear
Revelation 7-14, I'll know it's you. Because we both made a
friend under the hotel room Revelation 7-14!" Matt said.
"So it will be a symbol of friendship. Whenever you hear or
see the words Revelation 7-14, you'll know you're in a safe
place, with a friend," Eve said with a smile. She focused her
mind and opened the door.
Matt began to walk through the door, seeing that it was slightly
ajar.

"See you tomorrow! Revelation 7-14!" Matt said.

"Revelation 7-14!" Eve said.
Eve roamed around the room, restless. She was tired but
excited at the thought of seeing her friend again.
Just when she was ready to give up hope, there was a knock
on the door.
"Revelation 7-14!" Matt said on the other side of the door.
"Revelation 7-14!" Eve said, and swung the door open.
Matt's eyes opened very wide. He looked Eve up and down.
Eve looked downtrodden. She was ready to run off and never
return. But then Matt smiled, and closed the door behind him.
"You look incredible," Matt said.
"Thankyou," Eve said, blushing.
"If you don't mind me asking, what are you?" Matt said, "I'm
just curious,"
"I'm an alien. My race of people come from a distant world,"
Eve said, "I understand if you don't want to be friends
anymore,"
"Are you kidding? I want to be friends with you forever!" Matt
said.

Eve smiled and hugged Matt. They spent the rest of the day
talking about all sorts of things, such as sports, the weather,
what they wanted in life, their favorite foods and drinks, and
their favorite hats.
"I wonder what my folks would say if they saw you," Matt said
with a laugh. Matt rustled about in his pocket.
"Here, this is a photo of them!" Matt said. He handed a sepiatoned photograph to Eve.
Eve looked at the image closely. There was no mistaking the
image. These faces were the faces of Abraham and Naomi
Harris, the ones who had killed her father. The ones she had
sworn revenge upon. She finally had the chance to avenge
her dead Father.
"Are you ok?" Matt said.
"Yes, of course. I, er, I think you should go," Eve said. Eve
retired to her room, inviting Matt to let himself out.
He spotted the gun on the floor. He picked it up and left.
Matt woke up screaming. He looked around. His parents did
not come to see him.
"Mum? Dad?" Matt whimpered, and ran into the hallway, then
he ran and shoved open the door to Room 7-14, just in time to
see his parents fall apart like dolls. The pieces of their bodies
lay on the ground, and in front of them was Eve. Eve looked
back at Matt sadly.

"I'm sorry, friend. I am so, so sorry," She said.

Matt pulled out the gun and pointed it at Eve.
"Please, do it. Please kill me. I deserve it. I deserve to die,"
Eve said.
Matt's eyes welled up with tears, and he dropped the gun. He
just couldn't do it. He couldn't kill Eve, even though she had
killed his parents.
He could not pull the trigger. He held the gun and he shook,
his eyes welling up with tears. What kind of person would he
be if he did not avenge his dead parents? He had to kill her,
he had to. It was the right thing to do, wasnt it? Bad people
have to be punished, right? So why couldnt he kill her?
He had no time to ponder this, as just then alien sirens began
screaming outside, and Eve found herself being teleported to
a distant prison cell on Hesea.
Matt fainted.

----------------------------PRESENT-------------------------Trouble Valley was in ruins. The old Wolf Down Inn was
nothing but a pile of smoldering rubble. There would be no
more milkshakes served in this inn, no more lemonades, no
more tourists coming by for a rest. No more happy birthday
parties would be held here, for the Inn was gone.
The Delacroix Church had been destroyed as well. It too was
a pile of rubble. The stained glass windows shone no more.
People would not sit in the pews and worship any deity.
The Schoolroom had fallen apart and was now nothing more
than a pile of red wood.
The orchards had all been burnt to the ground. All the
livestock had either been killed or run off into the Nevermore
Forest. Most of the villagers of Trouble Valley were either dead
or hiding in the remains of their homes, cowering in fear.
Demons stomped this way and that, looking for anything living
to crush. All the ground was black, smoking soot. The sky was
a dark red.
Justice, meanwhile, was atop his throne, as large as he
wanted to be. Currently he was 50 feet tall.
Ahh, nothing like a cold, frosty glass of lemonade after a long
day of spreading justice! Right, Luke? Justice said. Luke
didnt respond. He lay on the ground, covered in bruises.

Just think of it; all across the universe, evil-doers and villains
are screaming in agony all because of me, and my brilliant
heroics! Justice said.
Sorry, did you say something? Justice asked Luke, then rose
him up off the ground.
Y-youll never get away with this! Luke mumbled, and Justice
threw him to the ground again with a bone-cracking thud.
You say that like Im some kind of monster! Youre the bad
guy here, for daring to show mercy for those sick, twisted evil
evil-doers! Justice said, picking Luke up again and tossing
him to the ground again with another bone-cracking thud.
Now that I rule over this universe, there will be no more evil!
Only Justice! Freedom! Fairness! Goodness will triumph!
Right, Luke?
Luke did not reply. He was completely dead now. Justice
laughed, then stopped.
Hmm, my sense of Justice suggests that evil is afoot! Justice
said, raising an eyebrow.
He called upon his slaves, the corrupted forms of Andrew,
Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt.
Take a look into the Yohannan house; there are survivors in
there. Sunil, Wiremu, Tipene, Madhavari. You must kill them
all, Justice said.

Meanwhile, Tipene, Wiremu and Sunil were still staring at the

projection, the words REVELATION 7.14
I dont get it, Tipene said, Whats Revelation 7.14?
Its just some random bible verse, Sunil said.
Just then, Madhavari came in through the door.
What are you children doing in here?? You should be hiding,
not watching movies! Madhavari said crossly.
Were trying to work out the meaning of Revelation 7.14,
Mum. We think it might be important for stopping Justice,
Sunil said.
Hey, youre a priestess, shouldnt you know what it means?
Tipene asked.
Madhavari thought for a minute and then said,
Well, the text of Revelation 7.14 reads thusly;
These are the ones who have come through The Great
Tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them
white in the blood of the Lamb,,
But what does that have to do with any of us? Wiremu
asked.

Maybe God is trying to send us a message; maybe God is

trying to tell us to not give up hope; no matter how dark things
get, no matter how many troubles we have, theres always
hope. I have faith that no matter what, the sun will shine again,
and good shall triumph over evil, Madhavari said.
Wiremu rolled his eyes. Maybe the answer is in some of
these papers, he said, jumping to a filing cabinet and pulling
out various papers. Tipene joined in.
These were the titles the papers had:
- The Paradigm
- Project Eternal
- The Shaken Basilica
- Derided Protein
- Wardrobe Hanging
- A.H.R.E.U.
But there was nothing about Revelation 7.14. Tipene and
Wiremu sighed deeply.
What if were looking at this the wrong way? Sunil
suggested.
What do you mean? Wiremu asked.
Maybe this has nothing to do with religion at all; maybe the
fact that revelation 7.14 correlates to a bible verse is just a
red herring, Sunil said.
How is that possible? Tipene asked.

Do any of you remember the Revelation Hotel over in

Happyville? Sunil asked.
Yeah, that place was really popular once, but it closed down
due to a series of mysterious murders, Tipene said.
They found three decapitated bodies in Room 7-14. Sunil
said.
Room 7-14, Sunil repeated.
I dont get it, Madhavari said.
Room 7-14 of the REVELATION Hotel? Revelation 7.14?
Doesnt that seem like a remarkable coincidence? Sunil
asked.
I dont get it, Wiremu said.
Oh, forget it, Sunil said, giving up.
Just then, the roof of the Yohannan home was ripped off, and
Wiremu, Tipene and Madhavari ran into the closet. Sunil
tripped and fell over the projector.
Time to die, Sunil Yohannan! Corrupted Jack said.
The five corrupted children rose their hands above their heads
and created energy balls of death.
Any last words? Corrupted Andrew asked with a smirk.

Sunil took a risk, opened his mouth and spoke.

REVELATION 7.14! Sunil yelled, knowing not what it meant
or what would happen.
The eyes of the Corrupted Children opened very wide, and
they began to weep black tears.
It was like a switch had been flipped in their heads; suddenly
memories came pouring in again, and the children all had
flashes of their past life, before they had become Justices
puppets, and all the times they had seen or heard the bible
verse that was not a bible verse at all, but had become a
symbol of their friendship.
What once united Eve and Matt was what now united the
souls of Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt.
Revelation 7-14.
All the times theyd seen it in their adventures. It had always
been there, ever since Matt had first moved into Trouble
Valley.
As they remembered it, it was like other memories came back
to them like magic, all the things and adventures they had
experienced together
Jack remembered how he met Matt at the Wolf Down Inn for
the first time,

Andrew remembered exploring the Forest and meeting Eve,

Julia remembered the first time she hugged Jack,
Monica remembered rescuing Matts life,
Matt remembered enjoying a picnic with Andrew and Eve,
Andrew remembered walking along the cliff face with Matt,
Eve and Monica,
Julia remembered how Matt saved her from being robbed by
The Fedora,
Monica remembered chatting with Julia about her present,
They remembered how Monica rescued everyone from a
ditch, how Jack volunteered to be a workhorse to pull
everyone to the Impenetrable Cavern, how Matt stood up to
Queen Oizys, how Andrew could always come up with a
clever plan, they remembered how Matt helped save
Nevermore Forest, and much more.
Matt even remembered the great secret of his past, the secret
that he had forgotten, the secret behind the phrase,
Revelation 7.14.
Matt remembered his dreadful life at the Revelation Hotel, how
he had met Eve and the two had quickly become friends, only
for Eve to turn on him and kill his parents, not knowing that his
parents had killed Eves Father. He remembered how he had
not shot Eve when he had the chance.

All the memories that had been locked away, they were now
fully unleashed in Matts mind. And yet, this did not make him
sad.
He felt glad to know the truth, even though it hurt, and he no
longer regretted the decision he had made that day, when he
had chosen not to kill Eve.
Though he could not forget or forgive her crime, Eve had still
been helpful for the village of Trouble Valley.
Perhaps she had been the one who had left the message of
Revelation 7.14 all around the village, guiding the children to
rediscover their true selves.
And so now the five children were returned to normal, here in
the ruins of the Yohannan house, here with Wiremu, Tipene,
Sunil and Madhavari.
Just then, Justice appeared in another flash of lightning.
Oh, how cute! You managed to rediscover your true selves,
you must be so proud! And now what? I suppose you think
youre going to defeat me and return your village to its former
glory through the power of friendship? You pathetic children
havent learnt anything, have you?
I hate to break it to you, but the one common denominator in
all these weird things happening in Trouble Valley is that they
all happen to you.

Dont you know? Everything wrong in the world is entirely your

fault!
But Ill tell you what, Ill let you try and defeat me again, just so
you can finally learn how USELESS kindness is. Now if youll
excuse me, Ive got a date with a Hesean Battalion! Justice
said, then vanished in yet another flash of lightning.
Come on, guys, were not done for yet! Are there any other
survivors from our village? Well gather them over at Julias
bomb shelter, Andrew said confidently.
Justice rose up the atmosphere to meet the enormous Hesean
Fleet, this one much larger than the one he had defeated
earlier.
Oh, I was going to go to all the trouble of destroying your
home planet; I didnt expect you to come rushing up to meet
me! Justice said sarcastically.
Now! The Space Captain yelled, and then the ships shot
anti-reality nets, power-inhibition missiles, space-time
distortion bombs, and atomic reversion blasts.
Justice raised an eyebrow for a second and smirked as the
ineffectual blasts struck him. An anti-reality net seemed to
catch him for a second, but he quickly broke free.
Stop it, that tickles! Tee hee hee! Justice said.
Justice waved a hand and a third of the battalion exploded in a
wave of fire.

Oh come on, youre making this far too easy! I could wipe out
the entire Hesean Race right now with one hand tied behind
my back! Justice said with a laugh.
Really, though, I just want to know why you choose to stand
in the path of Justice, Justice said, All Im doing is making
the universe a better place!
You call blowing up planets and killing every man, woman
and child that questions you making the universe a better
place? The Space Captain said.
As a matter of fact, I do. Youd have to be evil not to see me
as good; do you really think you can convince me to become
some merciful wimp like you fools? Justice said.
No, not really. I just needed to distract you long enough to
launch the final offensive! START THE FIBONACCI DEFENSE
SHIELD OVER-RIDE! The Space Captain commanded.
Justice then went hurtling down towards the Earth, and the
Heseans assumed they had finally managed to get the upper
hand on him. Only time would tell if they were right
Meanwhile, Andrew had gathered all the other villages at the
Kingston Bomb Shelter, and was solemnly writing down the
names of the villagers who had been killed by the being that
called itself Justice.

So far, this was the list of deaths:

Milton Barrett
Diana Barrett
Goldie Barrett
Libby Barrett
Luke Barrett
Timmy Barrett
Moana Tirikatene
Tane Tirikatene
Sebastian Oberto
He then counted all the surviving villagers, and listed them
too:
Andrew Lawrence
Jack Lawrence
Morley Lawrence
Rachel Lawrence
Lucy Lawrence
Monica Polinski
Byron Polinski
Tipene Tirikatene
Wiremu Tirikatene
Sunil Yohannan
Madhavari Yohannan
Sheila Smith
Mrs. McLocherty
Jerome Kingston
Jenny Kingston
Julia Kingston
Mattathias Cyrus Harris

Andrew was quite distressed when he realized how many lives

had been taken from their poor village.
Once, Trouble Valley was home to 26 villagers; now, there
were only 16 of them left.
And, if they didnt stop Justice soon, there would be none of
them left. No more happy people in the world ever again.
Andrew turned to face the sad sight of his fellow villagers.
They were waiting to be told what to do next, and he didnt
know what to tell them. The truth was, Andrew was at the end
of his rope. In truth, they all were. None of them knew what to
do, for the simple fact that they had never been in a situation
quite so terrifying before.
It had all seemed to have happened so quickly, now that
Andrew had thought about it.
He thought back to remember how he used to just have
pleasant times with his friends, before all this horrible stuff had
begun happening. But the strange thing was, he couldnt
remember anything particularly pleasant that had happened
before that fateful day when an alien spaceship had crashed
in the forest. Before that, their lives hadnt been exactly
horrible, just lousy, and boring to boot.
The most exciting times he could remember had been when
he and his friends had been dealing with the strange, the
paranormal, the supernatural.

But it wasnt truly about the aliens, or the monsters, or the

magical grass that made everyone go crazy that made Andrew
cherish those memories, of course. What Andrew cherished
was the fun times he had spent with his friends; with Jack, his
brother, with Monica, his cousin, with Julia and Matt. These
were the people in his life that mattered the most to him, and
he had the sneaking suspicion they very well felt the same
way.
Jack knew that today he might need to work harder than ever
before. He had always been loyal, always putting the needs of
others before himself, but now his skills were being put to the
test, and he wasnt sure if he had the ability to manage it. But
he knew just like his friends could always rely on him, he could
always rely on his friends.
Jack thought of the challenges that lay ahead of them, and of
the challenges he had already faced. He remembered too that
fateful day, when his friends and he had journeyed deep into
Nevermore Forest and met with Eve for the very first time. It
occurred to him that now that the Wolf Down Inn was
destroyed, and so he feared he might never get to become an
innkeeper, serving patrons from all across the land.
But maybe, maybe Jack and his friends could live to the next
day, and they could rebuild it. They did, after all, have the
technology.
Monica shook nervously. She knew she was a very
empathetic young woman, and that had certainly come in
handy during the past few months, yet she wondered if she
could handle this particular situation she was being thrust into.

She had never been in more dire straits, so naturally she was
quite afraid. But Monica realized she had always been afraid,
and it had never stopped her from doing what needed to be
done.
So, even though she was afraid, Monica was still cautiously
optimistic that her friends and she, working together, would be
able to put an end to Justices reign of terror.
Julia tried to be confident, for though she was not sure
whether the five of them could stop Justice, she knew she had
to fight for liberty, for the creature that called itself Justice was
truly nothing more than a monster driven by vengeance and
hatred, and she knew that under him there would be no more
freedom for any living creature in the universe, and she could
simply not abide by that.
Matt tried to think about everything that could possibly go
wrong, but for once it wasnt born out of cynicism; it was for
the sake of the safety of his friends.
Hopefully, the strength of these five ordinary humans would be
enough to stop Justice.
For as much as they were surprised that such a villainous
beast would have the gall to call himself Justice, they knew
that his vision of a better world would be terrifying for every
living creature across the entire cosmos, save for Justice
himself.

But what could they do? How could they defeat Justice the
Spirit of Vengeance? He seemed to be so powerful, so
completely, utterly undefeatable.
Matt thought back to what Justice had said to them when they
last met.
The one common denominator, in all of these weird things
happening in Trouble Valley. Matt didnt think it was him or his
friends, no but there was a common denominator in their
adventures; The Impenetrable Cavern. Whatever was
happening here had something to do with the Impenetrable
Cavern, Matt was sure of it.
It was the best bet they had, so Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia
and Matt waved farewell to the other eleven villagers, and the
villagers wished them good luck.

They were going to need it.

Chapter 14: The Great Tribulation

Of all the detrimental, idiotic and ill-conceived advice in the
world, and there is much advice in the world that is
detrimental, idiotic, and ill-conceived, perhaps the most
detrimental, idiotic and ill-conceived advice in the world is to
'count your blessings', a phrase which simply means to check
your privilege and look at how lucky you are.
It is usually used towards people who are recounting their
troubles, as if being aware of how other people are worse off
is meant to make you feel better about your current situation.
For example, a man might be tied to a chair and locked in a
dark room slowly filling with water.
This man could say to himself, Well, I shouldn't get too
anxious about this scenario. I'm a wealthy, heterosexual white
male; I'm quite privileged, actually. If I were a poor, black
lesbian with no arms or legs, my desperate screams for help
would be ignored twice as much as they're being ignored right
now. I should really count my blessings and cheer up,
Of course, most people in this situation would say Aaaa! I'm
drowning! Somebody help me!!! Aaaa!!! Help me!!!! Aaaa!!!!!!
Straight away you can see the problem with the advice 'count
your blessings', for while on the face of it, it sounds like great
advice, is actually totally detrimental, totally idiotic and totally
ill-conceived, because the simple fact is that you can't ignore
terrible troublesome things happening to you simply by telling
yourself that others have it much worse.

Also of note is the fact that it does not fix any problems. It
does not fix one's own problems, or the problems of those that
are worse off.
The phrase, to count your blessings, can therefore quite
confidently be confirmed as a useless adage, yet it has
somehow managed to survive the test of time, even though
the advice in question is most clearly totally detrimental, totally
idiotic and totally ill-conceived.
It is so detrimental, idiotic and ill-conceived that it is simply
baffling to think that it has survived for so long without
anybody stepping forth to question it, 'it' being the advice, the
advice in this case being the advice to 'count your blessings',
a phrase which simply means to check your privilege and look
at how lucky you are, even though the advice does nothing to
stop your current trouble.
The word 'trouble' has many synonyms that describe it just as
well; these synonyms include, but are not limited to: problem,
fuss, bother, difficulty, worry, disorder, inconvenience,
perturbation, disturbance, pain and tribulation.
This should give you an idea as to what a story entitled 'The
Great Tribulation' would be about, the title being a reference to
the Bible Verse Revelation 7.14, the bible verse that had been
recurring all over the village of Trouble Valley that was now no
more but an old bomb shelter eleven villagers hid away in as
the heroes of this story, Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt
headed for the Impenetrable Cavern, to finally set right what
had once went wrong and bring peace to a universe torn
asunder in chaos.

The title of this work, 'The Great Tribulation', does not refer to
the biblical apocalyptic event. In the case of this story, 'The
Great Tribulation' refers to the many troubles these five
children had gone through while living in the small village of
Trouble Valley. The name 'Trouble Valley' should give you
some idea of the kinds of things that happened in Trouble
Valley, which is to say, troubling things.
It would have been quite useless to tell these five kids to
'count their blessings', for though they were, in fact, quite
fortunate not to have been killed or suffered any serious
injuries in Justice's wave of wrathful destruction and death,
they were still quite anxious. They were much luckier than the
millions of humans Justice had destroyed through laser blasts
and tsunamis, and were much luckier than the millions of
aliens killed when Justice blew up several planets. And yet,
they did feel quite worried about their current predicament and
were finding it very hard to count their blessings, as were nine
other aliens, marooned in the middle of the desert at this very
moment.
These nine aliens hailed from the distant planet of Hesea,
including the Hesean Governor, and here they were, watching
as their compatriots were up in the sky battling Justice. It was
hard to tell who was winning from here.
The Heseans tried to pass the time instead.
I wonder how the battle's going, The Hesean Governor said.
I really hope the universe won't come to an end, one Hesean
said.

The universe won't come to an end, it'll become an endless

nightmare for all who dwell inside, stupid, another Hesean
said.
You know, that cloud kind of looks like my mother, one
Hesean said.
No, it looks like my mother! Another Hesean said.
Classic sibling rivalry, yet another Hesean said.
This conversation is detrimental, idiotic and ill-conceived, but
at least we're far away from the centre of the battlefield, The
Hesean Governor said.
Justice will come down and destroy us before long too if they
lose, Another Hesean said.
Well that will surely not happen, I have confidence that the
combined force of every Hesean combined battling against
Justice will bring an end to him once and for all! The Hesean
Governor said, though looking up at the battle scene folding
out in the sky, he was not quite sure.
We're going back into the fray! One of the Heseans said, and
thy jumped back into their space-ship and flew away, leaving
their Governor behind in the middle of the desert.
Fine with me, The Governor said, I'll just wait for my fellow
Heseans to rescue me when this is all over,

The eight Hesean Warriors rose up in their space-ship and

wondered how best to join the battle. However, they did not
have long to develop their stratagem as their ship sprung a
leak and ran out of Abel Energy.
I think we sprung a leak! One said.
We're out of Abel Energy in this ship! Another said.
We're going down, down, down! Yet another said.
Meanwhile, Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt were
currently walking through the picturesque landscape of the
Nevermore Forest, though they had no time to enjoy the
scenery.
They were very busy heading for the Impenetrable Cavern.
Look, everyone! It's the Impenetrable Cavern! Jack said.
The others looked and it was true; they were indeed standing
a few hundred feet away from the opened doors of the
Impenetrable Cavern. The five of them went inside, observing
the structure and looking all around the cave. They had never
noticed it before, but the cave was really rather pretty.
Andrew saw that the Black Sun had been opened, though he
knew not the significance.
Now what? Monica asked.

Let's set up a perimeter around that hole, then we'll focus on

our next course of action, Andrew said.
The others did so.
What happened here? Julia asked, looking at the deceased
bodies of Suzie, Sam and Lian.
My guess is Justice happened. The three of them must have
removed that black sun, and Justice managed to escape out
of that hole, and he rewarded them by killing them, Andrew
said.
We don't know a lot, do we? Jack said.
So what's the plan? We're gonna shove Justice down that
hole and put the black sun over him? That won't work, he's too
powerful! Matt complained helpfully.
Andrew did not appreciate Matt's complaining.
We're going to do this, you guys. But we might not all make it
to see tomorrow. Listen, if something happens to me, if I don't
make it, I just want to let you know that you guys have been
the best friends I've ever had, Andrew said.
We feel the same way about you, Julia said, and the others
nodded their heads in agreement.
Why do you think Justice is doing this? Monica asked.

I don't know, Monica. Maybe he really thinks that he's saving

the universe, maybe he's just a monster hiding under the label
of justice; either way, we must save the universe from him. He
is a force for pure destruction and evil whether he intends to
be or not. But don't worry; good always triumphs over
evil...right? Andrew said. He looked unsure.
The five looked up into the depths of the cavern. Saying good
always triumphs over evil is another useless adage, for though
it may very well be true, it usually does not help in the current
situation in which one is stuck in. It is one thing to simply say
that good always triumphs over evil, it is quite another thing to
go out and prove it, especially since the latter is much more
likely to get you hurt.
And so, they waited.
Andrew said, Matt, go outside, and watch for danger. Those
demons could still be out there. Alert us if you see anything
bad coming our way,
Matt nodded and proceeded to walk out the cavern and shut
the doors.
He stood there for a while, thinking about all the incredible
events that were happening, and wondering what could occur
next.
Suddenly, a Hesean space-ship fell out of the sky! It struck the
ground a few feet away from Matt, and eight Heseans poured
out.

Wow, what a ride! One of the Heseans said.

And then, the sky grew incredibly bright as the combined
efforts of millions of space-ships continued to push Justice
towards the ground and towards the singularity.
Oh my, it seems that our fellow comrades are executing the
Fibonacci Defense Shield Over-Ride! Another Hesean said,
slightly startled.
What does that mean? Matt asked, running over to the
Heseans' crashed spaceship.
It means, dear human, that you and any others around here
need to get out of here as quickly as possible! They're going to
drive him into the singularity! The Hesean said.
The Singularity? Matt asked.
Yes; we're not quite sure of what it is, but we do know that it's
the only force capable of holding back that spirit of revenge
and wrath, that calls itself Justice! The Hesean said.
But they have to trap him inside The Singularity, and the only
way to do that will be for the Heseans to sacrifice themselves;
the release of Abel Energy so close to The Singularity will
create an unbreakable force-field that can't be opened by any
living thing for at least a thousand years!
It's how we trapped him last time.

The only reason this beast escaped is because nobody good

and pure was protecting the Cavern for so long. But now,
there must be a sacrifice to stop the beast! Another Hesean
said.
Matt had little idea what was going on; his head was spinning.
It was almost like the Heseans were speaking some strange
alien language6. But then he took some deep breaths and tried
to understand, keeping ahold of his tenuous grip on reality.
They're surrounding Justice with an inescapable force-field
that Justice can't escape right now, but in order to hold it, at
least one Hesean has to die in front of the Singularity, so that
the force-field lasts, The Hesean explained.
But what if they all die before reaching The Singularity? Matt
asked.
Then, all hope is lost! The universe is doomed! In any case,
you really ought to run as far away from here as possible, so
you don't get caught in the crossfire, The Hesean said.
There must be another way... Eve said that humans could
absorb Abel Energy too. It's unpredictable and dangerous with
humans, but it's possible! If I could corner Justice, he'd have
to obey me, because if he killed me in front of the Singularity,
I'd activate a force-field automatically, right? Matt said.

6. bRCelb1/S)IR

Maybe. This would be a very desperate measure, of course.

We could give you all our Abel Energy combined, but it would
turn you into a walking bomb, set to go off at the slightest
instant! The Hesean said.
But all that energy combined could kill a single Hesean;
there's no telling what it could do to an ordinary human!
Another Hesean said.
There was an explosion. 400 space-ships exploded in an
instant. Justice was gaining the upper hand. Just a small gap
in the force-field and he could escape and go back to tearing
apart the universe.
I don't think we have much of a choice; we need to create a
failsafe, or the whole universe could be doomed to eternal
pain and suffering forever and ever! The Hesean said.
Listen to me, human child. Inside the Impenetrable Cavern,
you will find a black sun. Underneath it, at the bottom of a
grand staircase, you will find The Singularity behind two giant,
50-feet tall gates. You must draw Justice there at the right
opportune moment! The Hesean said.
And then, all eight Heseans shone energy beams upon Matt,
bestowing him with all their power until they became puddles
of goo.
Matt felt newly strengthened. His eyes glowed like the sun.
Not a second to lose, thought Matt.

He rushed through into the Impenetrable Cavern, barely taking

notice of his friends. Without a second through, he jumped
down the hole instead of taking the stairs, and he began flying
to the bottom.
He vaguely heard Andrew yell, Matt, what are you doing?!!?
Matt did not just fall many feet down the hole.
Matt fell many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,

many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,

many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many feet before he reached the bottom, which he hit with a
very loud thud and found he could not rise for what felt like
hours.
But he managed to rise shakily onto his feet, bruised heavily,
his clothes torn to shreds, but still alive. The gates opened,
and there before him was The Singularity in all his glory.
Matt had seen many strange things in his life. He had seen
alien spaceships crash in his backyard, he had seen grass
that drove anyone who walked across it into an incredible
hunger.
He had heard stories of possessed teddy-bears and walking
trees. He had heard of strange situations befalling his friends
and peers, such as when Monica met a greedy planet
salesman, or when Sunil had a brainwashing device installed
on his head, or when Jack discovered a reptilian spaceship.
But nothing he had seen was as incredible, as remarkable, as
so utterly mind-bogglingly insanely strange and weird as The
Singularity.
What struck Matt most was how much it glowed, which was
quite strange as black should not shine so bright, but it shone
nonetheless, illuminating the entire room in a black glow.

The Singularity spun like a spiral, each of its trillions of

shadowy tendrils kissing the walls at something like 100 miles
a minute. It was like a massive, shining black hole.
He felt strangely terrified and happy at the same time, along
with a string of emotions he would never feel again, yet felt so
strangely familiar, something he felt when he first stepped onto
the ground of Trouble Valley.
It was, without a doubt, the most incredible thing he had ever
seen, beyond all mortal description; it almost looked like a
living, breathing thing, and it looked older than the entire
universe.
It was simply breath-taking, and for a moment Matt forgot why
he was even there. But this changed as the doors slammed
behind him and there in front of him, in the flesh, standing at
50 feet tall, was the enormous and terrifying figure of Justice.
Well played, human! Well played... Justice said, applauding
in a sarcastic way. His cape was slightly torn from the battle,
and his suit had a few scorch marks. But he still looked as
smug, superior and holier-than-thou than ever.
I understand what's going on here, make no mistake about
that; you've come to trap me back inside the singularity. If I kill
you, I will trap myself. If I let you live, you'll kill yourself and
activate the Fibonacci Defense Shield automatically, Justice
said, his smile not faltering.

And so this is how you finally defeat me. By finally resorting to

violence after all! It's all about spilling blood in the end, isn't
it? Justice said, his smile growing.
Of course, I know you. I know your secrets. You don't have
the courage to sacrifice yourself! You couldn't even kill the girl
who killed your parents when you had the chance! You are
nothing more than a coward, Matt, and no matter how much
you achieve, no matter what you do, you will always be a
coward! Justice said arrogantly.
You don't know me at all, Matt said.
Justice handed Matt a sword.
Then prove yourself, Matt! Are you a lover or a fighter?
Come on, you coward! Do it! KILL YOURSELF! Justice
shrieked.
Matt rose the blade of the sword to his neck, hoping that his
friends would live in a much better world once he was gone.
Matt, no! A voice yelled.
Matt turned around, shocked. His friends were coming in
through a crack in the door.
Matt, what are you doing? You can't kill yourself! Jack said,
though it was hard to hear him over the wind.

I have to sacrifice myself to stop the beast! Matt said, his

eyes glowing.
Matt, I know you think you're doing the right thing, but suicide
is never the answer! Andrew said.
Are you even listening to me? I'm doing this to save you, my
friends! Matt said.
Matt, we're your friends, no matter what! We will always love
you and care for you! Don't kill yourself, Matt! Julia cried, as
his friends hugged him and he was inched closer towards the
singularity.
You don't understand, you're all in incredible danger! You
need to run, you need to run NOW! I have enough energy
inside me to blow up the planet! Matt said.
Oh Matt, we know you haven't been a perfect person, but no
matter what this jerk says, you're important to us, and you can
always make things better! You can fix all the troubles in the
world, when you have friends! Monica said with a tear in her
eye, and the five joined together in a big group hug, and as
tears streamed down Matt's face, Matt tripped and the five of
them went flying into The Singularity, disappearing into the
central void.
Suddenly, the void shone a bright light, striking Justice in the
stomach and imprinting his image into the doors like a
woodcut, where he remained forever, and the light spread
across the universe faster than time itself, and everything
turned white.

Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt woke up outside the

Impenetrable Cavern.
Everything seemed to be back to normal. No more spaceships were in the sky. The surviving villagers had come to the
cavern and built a new village. An all-new Trouble Valley.
How long have we been gone? Andrew asked.
Two weeks, maybe? Sheila said, tending to her hens.
There were some cats, dogs, sheep, horses and goats around
too. It was all quite Arcadian. A few simple structures
resembling houses were there, and there was a crude stall
made of chopped-down trees where Tipene and Wiremu sold
oranges.
But then, a legion of Hesean Space-Ships fell down onto the
grounds of the new Trouble Valley.
Attention humans; do not be alarmed. We are merely here to
erase your memories! The Hesean Governor announced.
Excuse me?? Julia said, surprised.
We cannot let humanity learn of what has transpired today.
We have already wiped the memories of all the rest of
humanity. Nobody on Earth will ever remember the events of
The Great Tribulation ever happened.

They'll explain away all the deaths as being the results of

disease. And now we must erase your memories, too. We will
erase all memories of the otherworldly.
I don't want to forget the otherworldly; I don't think any of us
do, Matt said.
Be that as it may, your memories must be erased, and that is
that, The Hesean Governor began, but was interrupted by,
surprisingly, Jack.
How dare you! We have been through Hell. The entire
universe would be suffering from eternal misery if it weren't for
us! We just saved the entire universe! Jack said, angry for the
first and only time.
Our village will protect The Singularity. It's connected to us
now, Andrew said.
The Hesean Governor thought long and hard.
Very well, humans, I will let you stay here, with your
memories intact, and you shall forever be the protectors of
The Singularity, but only under one condition: that it never,
ever falls into evil hands, The Hesean Governor said.
How does that sound to the rest of you? Does that sound
good? Andrew asked the crowd of villagers.
Each and every one of the villagers answered in the
affirmative.

And so, the Heseans left the village of Trouble Valley in peace,
and returned to their home planet of Hesea.
Justice had finally been served.
Eventually, the whole village of Trouble Valley was rebuilt.
Some of the villagers had gone back to the ruins of the old
village. They retrieved the bodies of fallen friends and family
and gave them a proper burial a few miles away.
There was almost nothing else recoverable they could find.
Just piles of soot mostly.
I'd say that's the last of the bodies, Julia said, we should get
back to Trouble Valley before it gets dark,
Yeah, I was just thinking. You know, about Eve, said Matt.
Best not to dwell on the past. We all lost ones we loved that
day, Julia said sadly.
But there's just some things that don't add up. Revelation 714. Did Eve put those messages there? Maybe she could
have somehow done something so she didn't... Matt trailed
off.
It's best to move on, Julia said.
Yeah, I guess you're right. Listen, Julia, I don't think I'm going
to come back for a while. There's somewhere I need to go,
Matt said.

How will you get there? Julia asked.

Matt looked at the burnt-out hull of a train nearby.
I'll take the train, Matt said weakly.
Well, just remember whatever happens, we're still your
friends, and we will wait for you to come back, Julia said.
Where's Matt? Monica asked as Julia returned to the village.
He had to go somewhere... Julia said, I'm sure he'll be back.
How's your garden doing, Monica?
Oh yes, it's looking quite nice. I think we'll have plenty of
vegetables to store when Winter comes around, Monica said.
Good. You know something, Monica? I am so happy to be
here, we all should be, Andrew said, Life is just so nice. So
very, very nice,
Matt walked through the ruins of the Revelation Hotel, until he
came to Room 7-14. He looked around sadly, and thought
back to all the experiences he'd had with Eve.
He stood on the creaky wooden floorboards, deep in thought.
Everything was completely silent.
He then heard a faint rolling sound. He looked down, and saw
a red juicy gumball resting at his feet.

Matt looked up.

Revelation 7-14!

THE END.

Authors Note:
Are you seriously trying to spoil the ending for yourself? For
shame In any case, here is where I shall answer the most
persistent question asked about the book:
Dunderhead: Cody, why does the bible verse, Revelation 7.14
keep on popping up in your story?
Cody: I will quote from the Simple English Wikipedia
Revelation is when something is made clear or obvious that was
hidden before,7
Dunderhead: Ha ha, very funny. But what does it mean?!!?
Cody: Why did Douglas Adams choose the number 42 to answer
the ultimate question? It means many different things depending on
what context youre using; for example from the actual storys
perspective, its an appropriated warning sent by some unknown
alien force, symbolically its about cosmic connections, from a
philosophical perspective its about how easy it is to apply meaning
to arbitrary phrases and verses, from a thematic perspective its a red
herring, because it seems like it has a religious meaning but is
actually entirely secular.
Dunderhead: Thats too complicated for my small mind to bear.
Cant you explain to me what Revelation 7.14 means to you, in just
one word?
Cody:

Think.

7 Revelation Source: http://simple.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=4608673 Contributors: Auntof6,

Eptalon, Lugia2453, Pmlineditor, 16 anonymous edits

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