TAC clients sharing their stories and information

Your

Voice
Edition 14 October 2013

The emotional
road to recovery

In this edition
The emotional road
to recovery (p1)
Ben (p2)
Renee (p4)
John (p6)

Although these
feelings of guilt, anger,
depression, anxiety
and fear are perfectly
natural after an
accident, for some
people it can be
difficult to talk openly
and seek help.

There are a range of supports available, both from the

TAC and within the community, which may assist you
or a family member or friend.

Recovering from a transport accident

can be a traumatic and emotional time.
Feelings of guilt, anger, depression, anxiety
and fear are common in people affected
by an accident and this can be true for
not only the person recovering from the
accident, but also for the family members
and friends who are providing support.
In this edition of Your Voice we meet three
clients whose accidents changed their lives, and
whose recoveries involved both a physical and
emotional journey.
First we meet Ben, whose constant pain led him to
consider taking his own life. But with the support of his
wife Jenny and the team at his local hospital, Ben is
now working through his depression and is studying
to be a drug, alcohol and suicide counsellor.
We also meet Renee, whose long road to recovery
was lined with multiple miscarriages, a painkiller
dependence and the break-down of her marriage.
Despite this, Renee is now the proud mother of two
beautiful children, and manages her family, work and
horse riding commitments with the aim of competing
at the Rio Paralympics.
And finally we talk to John, who despite having many
less-than-perfect days and weeks is looking forward
to what comes next.

One of the most important things to consider when

seeking help is that you feel comfortable with your
treater and are confident your treatment will work.
Taking an active role in your recovery is also important
ask questions and clarify anything you dont understand.
Getting back to a normal routine can also help.
Returning to work, participating in an activity you enjoy,
or catching up with family and friends even if you dont
feel like it can be an important part of your recovery.
Many health professionals agree that the less you do,
the worse you feel.
Most of all, its important to recognise that a transport
accident is a traumatic event, and what youre feeling
is perfectly natural. Give yourself a break, you might not
get back to your usual self straight away and in fact, you
might never return to being that person. But confronting
these issues is the first step in that journey.
For more information about mental health
resources visit the TACs website
www.tac.vic.gov.au or
www.mindhealthconnect.org.au

Beyond Blue

1300 224 636 www.beyondblue.org.au

Road Trauma Support Services

1300 367 797 www.rtssv.org.au

Share your story by contacting Alicia or Stephanie on (03) 5225 6504 or yourvoice@tac.vic.gov.au

Your Voice Edition 14 October 2013

Ben
Twenty-five years ago, my wife Jenny signed up
to love and cherish me in sickness and health, but
neither of us expected that she would spend half
of our marriage as my full-time carer.
My story is a tale of not one, but two
accidents that occurred within months
of each other, changing the course
of my life.
At the start of the millennium, Jenny
and I were leading very busy lives
chasing after our four children
(all aged under 10), starting a new
catering business and helping run
fundraising activities for local causes.
On 14 December 2000, I set off from
Benalla to quote on a catering job.
It was the middle of day and a
kangaroo appeared on the road.
I tried to veer away from the animal
and found myself sailing off the
embankment into a tree.
The kangaroo hopped away
unscathed; I wasnt in such good
shape. I needed a hospital stay
and time off to recover from my
painful injuries.
Some three-and-a-half months later it
was Easter time and I felt ready to go
back to work in a restricted capacity.
On Easter Saturday, Jenny and I got
the family organised to leave for
Mulwala to do a catering gig.

I had three of the kids (Robert, Sam

and Megan) on board with me, while
Jenny drove separately with our
eldest daughter Catherine. The roads
were busy because it was peak tourist
time for the region.
I was crossing the two-lane
Yarrawonga-Mulwala Bridge when a
car travelling in the opposite direction
tried to do an overtaking manoeuvre
and caused a head-on collision.
My driver-side airbag went off
with a bang and there was a strong
gunpowder type smell. I was in a
world of pain, but all I could think
about was getting the kids out of the
car in case it toppled off the bridge
and into the water.

For a long time

afterwards, I kept having
vivid nightmares about
different scenarios...

The kids were very distressed.

Thankfully, a kind elderly lady quickly
came to our aid and gathered the
children at the side of the road.
For a long time afterwards, I kept
having vivid nightmares about
different scenarios where I was unable
to defend my kids its amazing
what the subconscious holds onto,
especially when it concerns things
so dear to you.
In terms of long-term physical injury,
my lower back was the biggest issue,
but I wasnt prepared for the
psychological impact the mental
torment of post-traumatic stress,
anxiety and deep depression.
If I had to nominate a score out
of 10 for the pain and discomfort
(reserving nine or 10 for childbirth
which Ive witnessed first-hand!),
Id say it was about a five-or-six all
day, every day, with no end in sight.
I think I speak for a lot of people
whove endured a serious accident
when I say that the experience
affects every aspect of your life
as an individual, a spouse/partner,
a parent, a friend.
I didnt feel like leaving the house
because I was unable to drive, sit
or stand for any length of time.
This closed off having a social life and
doing things Id usually love, such as
watching my kids play sport or going
to family occasions. Romance was
also off the cards.

Jenny effectively inherited a fifth

child (me) to look after, having to
do most things for our young family
because I was incapable or unwell.
She has been absolutely amazing
throughout this tough ordeal. Forget
sporting stars and celebrities who
the public tends to idolise partners
and carers like Jenny are true heroes,
in my book.
For more than a decade, my head
was hazy from taking large amounts
of prescribed opiates. In hindsight,
the only upside of the drugs was they
killed the pain. They come with lots
of downsides, including withdrawal
issues. I lost my rational reasoning
ability and attention to detail.
As anyone who has suffered a serious
injury can attest, sleep becomes
an elusive thing a distant dream,
pardon the pun and the deprivation
can be debilitating.
I also had recurring pneumonia and
pleurisy that we eventually (six years
after the crash) discovered was being
caused by a 20cm tear in my lung,
presumably from the airbag.
Im usually a positive person (or try to
be), but Ive experienced my fair share
of dark days. Thats when I made
a pact with myself that if I got to the
point where Id lost perspective and
started thinking about ending my life,
I had to go directly to the local hospital.
I cant count on two hands the
number of times that I admitted
myself to get help, so I wouldnt do
something regrettable. The hospital
staff were fantastic on each occasion.

I attended a pain management

program in the year following my
accident, but wasnt in the right
headspace yet to gain full value
from it. A few years later, I attended
another such program and found
it very useful in learning to cope with
enduring pain.
Over the years, Ive had numerous
operations to put my hip, shoulder
and lung right, but there was little
that could be done in terms of
surgery for my spine. Id got to the
stage where I thought wed gone as
far as we could in terms of medical
treatment. Id have to live out my life
with the pain that spreads across the
width of my back and radiates down
into my butt and legs.
Ive often said Id give up any
Tattslotto winnings to get my health
back, but as it turned out, I hit the
jackpot in another way when my
doctor introduced me to a little
gizmo called a superior cluneal
nerve stimulation implant.
The implant is a bit like a heart
pacemaker crossed with a Tens
machine. Its implanted into the small
of your back and has wires that send
pins and needles sensations up your
spine and across the hipline.
In March this year, I started a trial
of the device. When it was switched
on, there was instant relief. I thought
Hallelujah my physical pain is gone
and it doesnt involve drugs!

When I was alone that night,

I sat there and cried tears of joy.
Absolute jubilation. A bright future
was back in reach.
I didnt want the eight-day trial to
end. Fortunately, I only had to wait
11 days to have my permanent
implant inserted (on 26 March which
I consider my re-birthday date).
I have to be careful not to overdo
things, because the implant hasnt
fixed my injury per se, but I can do
so much more now.
Im very grateful for all the assistance
Ive received from the TAC, including
home modifications, equipment and
ergonomic furniture to improve
safety, comfort and independence.
The TAC has also helped me go back
to school to gain new qualifications
because I was unable to return to my
old job due to my physical restrictions.
Im looking forward to finishing my
diploma, so I can work as a drug,
alcohol and suicide counsellor.
I think my experience over the past
12 years has given me valuable insight
and empathy that I want to use to
help others.
We are also planning a long-awaited
family holiday as well as ticking off
an extended bucket list, thanks
to the magic gadget in my back.

I cant express how ecstatic I was to

have this new lease of life. I couldnt
wait to get home to tell my family.

Ive often said

Id give up any
Tattslotto winnings
to get my health
back...

Your Voice Edition 14 October 2013

Renee
I was just 21 when I had my accident. I had an extremely active lifestyle I worked
full-time at a publishing company and taught aerobics, about 15 classes a week.
I was also a runner, which I did almost every day, along with horse riding. I was
in the prime of my life, basically.

The day of my accident was February

14, 1991, Valentines Day. Ill never
forget it not for Valentines reasons,
but for the fact my life changed
drastically that day.
I was in a head-on collision after
a taxi veered onto the wrong side
of the road. Unfortunately my
seatbelt failed and I was thrown
into the windscreen.
Immediately after the accident
I could smell petrol, and all I could
think was my cars going to blow.
I was terrified.
With the smell of that fuel, my
adrenalin kicked in. Thankfully the
side passenger window had smashed
so I was able to get out that way.
When I got out of the car, I was
in shock but I wasnt in a huge
amount of pain. I had a few cuts and
lacerations, but I could only focus
on the fact that I had an exam that
night and I needed to get going
so I didnt miss it.
I hitchhiked down to my exam, which
was really stupid, but thinking back on
it now I realise I was in shock. I think
I just hadnt coped that well with
the whole situation and just wanted

to move on. I sat the exam later that

night, but by then I was in huge
amounts of pain.
The next day I had this really shocking
burning pain down my leg. I thought
maybe Ive got whiplash. The GP
did some tests and told me I had
probably injured my spine, but
because I was young it would
come good.
It didnt, and after a few months I was
sent to a specialist and had an MRI.
I had prolapsed the L4, L5, S1 and S2
discs. I also had spondylosis, which
decompressed the nerves in the right
leg so I lost feeling in parts of my butt
and parts of my leg, which is an
advantage when you need injections!
The specialist asked me if I wanted
the good news or the bad news.
The bad news was I could easily end
up in a wheelchair and the good news
was they could operate and hopefully
I wouldnt.
I was just devastated. I remember
thinking, My God, Im only 21.
I decided to have the surgery and it
went very well. Before the surgery I
used to have severe sciatic pain, that
burning pain thats like a hot dagger

running down your leg. I remember

standing up after the surgery and
it was gone. I still had a lot of back
pain though, which I took a lot of
medication for.
My doctor said getting pregnant
would compromise my recovery,
but for me, my desire to have kids
was very strong. That was my goal,
I wanted to do it and I did.
I had three miscarriages, one where
I haemorrhaged and I thought
I was never going to be able
to have children.
Getting pregnant for me was easy.
It was holding the pregnancy that
was the challenge. Every day I feared
I would lose this precious little
developing person because of my
bodys lack of ability to cope with the
increasing demands on my spine.
But then I became pregnant with
Jake when I was 29, gave birth when
I was 30 and I had April when I
was 32.
My beloved Jake and April have been
the best thing I have ever fought for.
The unconditional love that flowed
through my entire being when they
placed them in my arms was just

amazing. Raising them is the most

important purpose in my life.
Between my two kids I breastfed
for about six years, and thats
probably been the only real time
since the accident that Ive been
totally drug free.
After the surgery, I attempted to
go back to work full-time but it just
wasnt working. So I started temping
and that gave me the flexibility to be
able to say, Yes I can work today, Im
well enough or No, Im having a lot
of pain in my back without bothering
the employer.
There are many areas of my life where
my injury has had a major impact but
one of the most painful was the
breakdown of my marriage. Living
with someone who has chronic pain
is not an easy thing.

Compet
ing
Paralymp in the
ics
long-term is my
goal.

Personally I became quite withdrawn

and a bit antisocial. I didnt have the
energy to go out, I cant sit down well
when I go out for dinner and when
I go to bed with pain I just want to be
left alone. All of those things affect
the dynamic of your relationship.
The TAC gave me access to a
psychologist, which was really
beneficial. The psychologist helped
me understand that at times I was
making things worse for myself by
soldiering on. Im a very motivated
and goal-driven person and there
were times when I was pushing myself
that hard that Id end up back at
Epworth Hospital on morphine to
have forced rest, because Id just
load on the meds and keep going.
When I was young I was the classic
girl who loved pony club, loved
riding, loved horses. Horseriding was
the freest feeling in the world and
I wanted to get that feeling back.

So in 2011 after 20 years of waiting for my spine to heal, I finally

went back to riding.
I joined Riding for the Disabled as one of their individual riders,
then went onto their squad. When you go and ride with them its
fine because youre all hobbling. Some of them are in chairs or
on walking sticks and theres times when Im on a walking stick.
Being on a horse to me is just the ultimate because of the freedom
you feel when youre riding. My horse is 17.1 hands, so shes a
powerful horse. You can feel the power and the speed that I lack
so much in my own body now. For me, I just live for it.
My coach is fantastic, she brings the riding very much back to
yourself. Fix you, fix your horse, she always says. Sometimes
I think thats challenging because I find myself really hard to fix.
Competing in the Paralympics is my long-term goal. Id love to
make Rio but Im also very realistic of the fact that Ive still got two
young dependent children who take a lot of time and effort, and
financial resources as well.
There are a lot of challenges that come with the horses because
of the physicality. But all of that becomes nothing when you get
up on the horse. Just the enjoyment and the freedom that it gives
you its the thing thats honestly keeping my feet on the earth,
because I take loads of meds every day. The riding is the thing
that definitely drives me.

Your Voice Edition 14 October 2013

John
Its inevitable that therell be ups as well as downs successes, setbacks
and frustrations on the come-back journey after an accident. Thats just life!

Theres no doubt that keeping focused on positives

and working towards recovery and rehabilitation goals
after a serious accident is vital, but its also important
to talk about those less-than-perfect days or weeks
that we all have.
Ive always been a motivated person who thrives on
working. But being driven has been both an advantage
and a hindrance in my rehabilitation. While my
competitive streak has kept me striving to get better
and move on with life, at times it has also seen me set
unrealistically high standards, then think I was a failure
if things didnt eventuate the way Id hoped.
Prior to my accident, I was in my element working as a
civil engineer (specialising in tunnelling and underground
works) on large-scale construction projects across the
country. On weekends I pursued my passion for cycling.

I was also dedicating an increasing amount of time

to looking after my ageing parents.
On the afternoon of 23 February 2007, I had some time
spare before visiting my parents, so I hopped on the
bike for a ride to Frankston.
Pedaling along at about 30km/h, I was struck from behind
by a ute. The crash came without warning and I couldnt
comprehend what was happening. I hit the ground heavily
and felt immense pain in my back.
Instinct told me to try to get off the road and out of the
path of traffic. I was in shock, but knew that my condition
was serious. I thought I might even die.
I was incredibly lucky that my height and cycling posture
meant I escaped a severe brain injury (because my head
didnt strike the utes bonnet or windscreen); and two

My major goal though was getting back to work, and six

months after the crash date I attempted this. I only lasted
two days it was exhausting and I couldnt keep it up.
I still remember the pain of standing in a packed train.
My second attempt, this time with the support of a TAC
arranged Return to Work Facilitator, was much better.
I found, however, that some work colleagues had difficulty
adjusting to my changed circumstances and restricted
capacity. While some managers and clients were
extremely supportive (and amazed when they saw the
size of the scar on my spine), others would set deadlines,
meetings or interstate trips that didnt respect my parttime status or altered work arrangements. They didnt
seem to comprehend that I was using my non-work days
to undertake rehabilitation and therapy as well as restore
my energy levels to go back to work the next time.
off-duty ambulance officers happened to be
driving past the accident scene and were able
to assist me immediately.

I started to feel that I wasnt performing up to the high

standard that admittedly I had imposed on myself. I was
stressed, full of self-doubt and concerned about the future
of my job.

I wasnt interested in who was at fault or who was to

blame, I just wanted to get medical help fast. My brain
and body went into survival mode.

Work had always been a significant part of my identity and

it hurt my pride that I was failing. I started feeling very
depressed, cut down.

I was taken to the emergency hospital for numerous

x-rays, scans and tests. Those distressing initial hours
and days change your life I think you never get over
it. Its impossible for someone who hasnt had a neardeath experience to fully comprehend the gravity of it.

In hindsight and with the help of my psychologist,

I recognise that I was being too hard on myself. The
accident and injuries distorted my thinkingon many
matters, not just work.

I had very competent doctors and surgeons who

explained that I wouldnt heal unless I had surgery
a spinal fusion to repair my fractures.
I also had terrible burns, grazes and bruises as well as
difficulty breathing because of my internal injuries.
After the operation, then a short stint in the rehabilitation
centre, I moved back into my mums place because I was
very restricted in what I was allowed to do. I couldnt live
alone as I wasnt even allowed to lift a kettle!
While I love my parents dearly, this was tough for me
because I was accustomed to having my independence
my own space and my way of doing things. I was also
coming to terms with what had happened to me.
I got back to walking, albeit like a very old man at first,
and then tackled another goal by overcoming my nerves
to return to driving.

Eventually I was made redundant, but I tried to see the

positive side and use that time to do some things for my
family and myself.

The crash came without

warning and I couldnt
comprehend what was
happening. I hit the ground
heavily and felt immense
pain in my back.
Story continues over page

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Your Voice Edition 14 October 2013

A new place
for road safety
conversations

The TAC has launched a new

website where Victorians can have
open and honest discussions
about road safety. Open Roads
is a place where you can learn and
be inspired by one another with
the goal of making our roads
a safer place for all.
On Open Roads youll find a
multitude of content including
some of the Transport Accident
Commissions most memorable
ads, the latest road safety news,
advances in safety technology, and
some real-life stories from people
whove been directly affected
by road trauma, including
these Your Voice stories.

Visit
openroads.com.au
and start the
conversation about
road safety

John

(continued)

During that difficult period I was also in

the process of settling my TAC claim which
was occupying my mind outside of work hours.
I was relieved and pleased when that process was completed and my barrister
(who had far more experience than me in this area) said he believed my settlement
result was a fair outcome.
At the end of 2012 I took up a new job that saw me sitting down most of the time.
Anyone with a spinal injury will attest that this is the most painful thing for us to do.
Again, I tried to stay positive but I wasnt able to keep it up.
Im sure many others whove been involved in a crash agree that their
accident and its aftermath have forced them to re-evaluate themselves and
what is really important.
At present Im not in paid employment but Im keeping myself busy. I told my
psychologist some time back that Ive got lots of things that I need to do before
I die Ive got a garage full of bike parts that need to be used and unfinished
tasks that have to be done!
Im looking forward and doing my best now to adjust my sights so that I am kinder
on myself and happier as a result. It really is a take one day at a time approach.
Hopefully, I will even get back into the tunnelling industry again.

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