Professional Development

Personal Paradigm

As described in the assignment description, a paradigm is a, a paradigm is a basic

orientation or understanding of how the world and everything in it works. It is a whole system of
thinking that includes basic assumptions about why things are the way they are, the important
questions to be answered or puzzles to be solved. It is the broader way in which we think about
the world around us, and why people do what they do. And we were asked to describe and
contemplate what theories that have influenced our paradigm and how we see and interact with
children. The three I feel that have influenced me the most are Dr. John Gottman- Emotional
Coaching, Alfie Kohns motivation theory, Eriksons stages of development.
I really enjoy John Gottmans theory of emotional coaching. I feel that there are key
points that parents often miss when dealing with their childs emotions. Gottman in his book
titled Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child he list five parent-child interactions that help with
emotion coaching: 1.) become aware of the childs emotions, 2.) recognize the emotion as an
opportunity for intimacy and teaching; 3.) listen empathetically, validating the childs feeling; 4.)
help the child find words to label the emotion he is having and 5.) set limits while exploring
strategies to solve the problem at hand. I learned about this theory in my parenting class and it
cause me to contemplate my own life and as a child how I was or was not validated as a child
with my feelings. When children feel validated and understood it can affect many things such as
their ability to trust, confidence and how they deal with their own emotions. Emotion coaching
not only is helpful for the child but also for the family and as the child grows it can help with
future relationships and can affect how they respond in certain social experiences.
Kohns unconditional parenting theory provides opportunities for children to feel loved
based on who they are and not what they do. According to the alfiekohn.org regarding
unconditional parenting it states, One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved

unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they mess up or fall short. Yet
conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards
(including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved
only when they please us or impress us (2015). I feel that this is so true I have not only seen this
happen but have experienced it at times as well. Conditional parenting can cause a child to
constantly need approval for what they do and the decisions they make. And it says to the child,
I love you when you do what I say. Causing the child to think I cant make a mistake or my
parents may love me less. Also with the reward system it programs children to seek rewards for
actions, and as a result when those rewards subside they may not continue that behavior. This
theory is very important when working with families and children because it can cause the parent
to question the motives they have for rewarding their child and to love them beyond their
mistakes.
Ericksons psychosocial development theory I feel is important not only to know and
understand as someone who works with families but also to inform parents about this theory so
they can understand the stages, and then better understand their child. According to the learningtheories.com it states Ericksons theory, considers the impact of external factors, parents and
society on personality development from childhood to adulthood (2014). Ericksons eight stages
are 1.) Infant (Hope)- Basic Trust vs. Mistrust, 2.) Toddler (Will)- Autonomy vs. Shame, 3.)
Preschooler (Purpose)- Initiative vs. Guilt, 4.) School-Age Child (Competence)- Industry vs.
Inferiority, 5.) Adolescent (Fidelity)- Identity vs. Identity Diffusion, 6.) Young Adult (Love)Intimacy vs. Isolation, 7.) Middle-aged Adult (Care)- Generativity vs. Self-absorption, 8.) Older
Adult (Wisdom)- Integrity vs. Despair (learning theories) (Ericksons2014). I feel that it is

very important to be aware of theses stages and doing so it will help not only understand the
child but also the effects of our response on the child.
These theories have changed the way I look at circumstances in my own life and with my
interactions with children and I also believe that they will inevitably leak into my interactions
with families and children in the workforce as well. Although all are important John Gottmans
emotional coaching theory is by far my favorite and he stated in his book, Raising An
Emotionally Intelligent Child, [W]e have inherited a tradition of discounting childrens
feelings simply because children are smaller, less rational, less experienced, and less powerful
than adults around them. Taking childrens emotions seriously requires empathy, keen listening
skills, and a willingness to see things from their perspective. It also takes a certain selflessness
(pg. 31). This statement summarizes what I feel is important to help families, and parents
understand and doing can provide children and atmosphere where they can feel free to open up to
their parents and become self-aware.

References
Alfie Kohn - Unconditional Parenting. (n.d.). Retrieved November 20, 2015, from
http://alfiekohn.org/UP/
Eriksons Stages of Development | Learning Theories. (2014, July 23). Retrieved November 20,
2015, from http://www.learning-theories.com/eriksons-stages-of-development.html
Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (1998). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y.:
Simon & Schuster.