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Art of Loving PDF
Art of Loving PDF
I have always felt that one of the most important books of the 20th century was
The Art of Loving by the American psychologist Erich Fromm. The theme of this book,
which I would like to emphasize in the following lecture, is that of human communion, or
oneness, and its relation to love. Most religious organizations in the US today use the
words fellowship, togetherness and love with great frequency, since they all relate
to the concept that all human beings are part of the same divine Totality. This is the idea
that Paul also expressed in his letter to the Ephesians when he said that there is One
body and one spirit..., one God and Father of all, who is above all, through all, and in all
(Ephesians, IV, 4-6). Because of this essential oneness we have been told that, in
addition to loving God above all things, we must also love our neighbor as ourselves. In
The Art of Loving Erich Fromm gives us some important, practical advice about the way
in which we can carry out this important commandment.
Fromm begins with an attempt to determine what is our most basic need in life.
Many great thinkers have tried to answer this question and they have come up with many
different answers. Erich Fromm feels that mans greatest necessity is to find union, or
togetherness, in order to escape from the prison of his aloneness. The experience of
separateness, Fromm feels, is the fundamental cause of anxiety and despair.
People have tried many different ways to satisfy this need for togetherness.
However, the only way that has ever been completely successful is through the act of
love. As Fromm puts it: The full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union,
the most powerful striving in man. It is the most fundamental passion; it is the force
which keeps the human race together... Without love humanity could not exist for a
day. These are strong words, but if we think seriously about it, most of us will agree
that this is true. We sometimes tend to dwell on those things with separate us such as
war, hate, selfishness and greed, without realizing the underlying power of relationships.
The very fact that humanity continues to exist on this planet, in spite of all the destructive
forces which divide it, is proof of the unifying power of love.
But this is only theory. In order to determine why this is true and how it works,
we must examine some of the practical aspects of love. The first of these is the fact that
love demands something of us. As Fromm says when he speaks of the art of loving,
loving is something which we must learn. It does not come naturally; it is not something
which we do instinctively. Loving is a skill which must be learned and practiced in an
active fashion. Many of us have grown up with the idea that it is our right to be loved.
We therefore have a tendency to wait, passively, for someone to love us, and then we feel
unjustly treated when nobody seems to care. However, in order for love to exist,
someone must act; someone must do the loving. What Fromm tells us is that love
demands much more than our passivity. This implies, therefore, that if we expect to
receive love, we ourselves must be prepared to give love. Love is not a one-way street.
And that brings us to the second practical aspect of love which is that, since love
is active rather than passive, it is also basically giving. This is a point which is often
misunderstood. Many people interpret this as meaning that love is giving up, that it
means sacrificing, or being deprived of something. They also often feel that love
destroys their freedom as an individual. Fromm says this is not true, for two reasons.