Lawrence 1

Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

Just Takes a Little Growing Up

Dear Negligent Nurse

Its unfortunate to hear that youre second guessing about college. Students usually feel
this way at some point in time while in school. You start to feel alone, scared, depressed, and feel
as if youre wasting your time. I know the feeling because I once was in your shoes and felt the
same way. It was a time when I felt I was just there to be there. My parents wanted me to attend
college and major in something they felt would lead me to big money. Big money is what my
father considers jobs such as being a lawyer, government official, public relations, or business.
However, I have a passion for writing, but my father didnt like the direction I wanted to take.
So, for the first semester of college I was undecided on what I wanted to do. It took a while, but I
eventually realized I couldnt fear the reaction of my parents. I had to grow up and become my
own man and do what I feel is best for me. I picked up English as a major and it happened to be
the best decision of my life. My advice to you would be to face the fear of standing up to your
parents, talking to your peers, and most importantly building the strength to change the major
youre taking.
Fear is an emotion we all deal with. You have to face a fear in your life. Weather its
finally looking under your bed at night or standing in front of a thousand people facing a fear is
inevitable. Now youre having a hard time with studying. Are you truly having a difficult time
with school or is it your fear of speaking out to your parents holding you back? Yes, studying is
hard but that comes with the territory of college, its not meant to be a cake walk. The purpose is

Lawrence 2
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

to challenge you and get you to think critically. I believe youre having trouble because youre
doing something that you have no interest in. Judging by your grades you are very capable of
being a college student, giving up now would be an insult to your intelligence. My thoughts are
youre afraid to speak up to your parents and tell them youre doing something that you really
dont want to do. If you was to sit down and discuss with your parents that you want to explore a
different major, maybe youll feel more freedom in making your decision. Its hard talking to
parents because no child wants to let them down. Youre major was selected due to your parents.
Every parent has some sort of influence on their child decisions. However, there is a time when
the child has to become an adult and do what they feel is best for them and not the parents. Any
parent Im sure would voice their displeasure for what you may want to do, but if its going to
make you happy Im sure they will get over it. If you was to stay in school and change to
something you enjoy, work hard at, maybe you can turn something you enjoy into something
much more. Im sure your parents wouldnt be mad if that was to happen.
The fear of people laughing at you because of the things you enjoy such as video games,
teaching, writing, and reading is nonsense. Imagine the amazing things all of your favorite
hobbies can do for you? You can get a degree in any of those fields and build it into something
special. In an article by Freeman A. Hrabowski titled Colleges prepare people for life, stated
that College graduates are much more likely to be employed than those with only a high school
diploma and earn substantially higher salaries. In the world we live in now its very difficult to
have any job without a college degree. Working at GameStop is a huge drop off from being in
school, but my question to you is why drop out to work at GameStop, when you can get a degree

Lawrence 3
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

in the video game realm and possibly one day developing games for Gamestop. Charles Murphy
article Are Too Many People Going to College, made a good point of dropping out of college.
In the first half of the 20 century the excuses of not going to college were more acceptable, but as
time progressed that is not the case anymore. Murphy stated that the excuses for not going to
college have dried up. With more than a third of 23 year-olds now getting a B.A, many
employers can reasonably limit their hiring pool to college graduates because bright and
ambitious high-school graduates who can go to college usually do go to college. There is so
much to gain staying in school and so much to lose by leaving. You got to take that leap of faith
and not be afraid to go after what you want in life. Holding yourself back because you fear what
others will say is only hurting you and not them. At the end of the day youre living for you not
anyone else.
Blaming sports on your short-comings is not a good excuse. If youre not seeing any
progress in playing you should find something else you see a future in. Maybe reading more like
you said would be something more beneficial for you. Its a choice to make the most out of your
life feeling as if without sports youre nothing is something you cause upon yourself. Rainer
Maria Rilke brilliantly stated in Letters to a Young Poet, that If your daily life seems poor, do
not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for
to the creator there is no poverty and no poor or unimportant place. This couldnt be said any
better, if you find your life to be anything short of good without playing a sport, than you must
figure a way to make your life more purposeful. I believe the real issue is your fear of what
others may say about what you enjoy is the reason you feel your life isnt going the direction you

Lawrence 4
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

want. Youll never be happy if you fear what others say, because someone will always have
something negative say whether you do what you enjoy or try to please everyone.
In all I hope you stay in school and find your way through it. Growing up is a test we all
face at some point, and facing things that we arent necessary ready to face is also a part of life.
A good parent, who cares for their child well-being, will understand that the nursing program
isnt what you want to do, and they should be able to understand and support your change of
major. If not tough decisions have to be made, and what is best for you might not make them
happy. Its life, but being afraid to step up to your parents now, youll be afraid for the rest of your
life to step up to anyone. Your peers, the same applies to them, if your teammates cant see the
fact that reading, writing, and video games is what makes you happy along with playing a sport
with them, then maybe they are just teammates and nothing more than that. Again I hope the best
for you and hope you found this useful in your time of need.

Sincerely
Pouncer

Work Cited
Murray, Charles. "Are Too Many People Going to College." The American (2008):
Hrabowski, Freeman, III. "Colleges Prepare People for Life." (2013)

Lawrence 5
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

Peer Review
Kevin Lawrence/ Peer review
Olivia Jones Why college is right for you, discussed the ways of growing up and being honest
with oneself. The goal is to reach to the negligent nurse, and get her to see that by self-reflecting
it can get her to be happier with making the decision to stay in school.
Olivia Jones paper consists of a well thought out plan to get the point across. The purpose of the
paper was getting negligent nurse to stay in school and make her own decisions and not worry
about how others will feel. The paper was missing sources to help strengthen the argument. It
seemed to be a lot of opinions rather than facts. It was a lot of repeating of you. The word you
was used several times in a couple of sentences. Try finding something else that can be
substituted to make the same argument.

The central claim was not mentioned or underlined in the paper. Yes, I could tell what the
purpose of the paper was for, but the claim was not stated into the intro. The paper continued to
run on without mentioning it. Make sure to underline the topic of the paper and follow through
with it.

The paper paragraphs should also be indented. The paper should have indents added with every
paragraph. Along with the paragraphs being indented, adding some articles in class to support the
claim could be helpful. Adding more to how negligent nurse can be honest with herself would

Lawrence 6
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

allow her to see what really is keeping her from being happy. Explain the ways of being honest
with oneself and self-reflection. For example, if negligent nurse takes the time to reflect on
herself maybe she can find her inner peace, and will be able to face her problem head on.

Also, in the intro paragraph you mentioned how you were dealing with issues similar to
negligent nurse. Explain more on what that was or describe how you made it through that time to
be more convincing. Give the reader a way personal way to handle the decision of staying in
school or not.

The title could be change to something much more than the basics. Try something thats more
creative that can draw the reader in.

Kevin Lawrence/ Peer review

David Clarks Time Management in College describes how managing their time better,
negligent nurse can see change with her issues in school. He went on to explain on how
drooping the sport she play can possibly be the best solution for her.

David Clark organization of the paper was well written. The paper flowed together and stayed
on track about time management. However, there are a few awkward sentences, and a few

Lawrence 7
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

spelling errors that could be fixed. For example, I decided that to be able to get good at
baseball. Maybe that should be changed to I decided that in order to better myself at baseball.
Having time management as an issue, I feel that it is also an issue that you probably deal with.
Spelling correction for example, It was a very hard decision but looking bad
David Clark paper is focused on the idea of time management, but the constant use of I can be
changed. The topic of the paper is clear but certain things in the paper can be explained with
more than just I. It sounds more personal than helpful for the reader. Include some references
from articles to support your calm on time management. For example, articles on how to build
time management or balancing sports with school.
I noticed that you didnt elaborate more on how you fixed your time management issues. For
example, it was mentioned that it was very hard but you got through it. Adding the process itll
take, the way to adapt, and a way that it can be without stress will help bring conviction behind
your statement of overcoming the problem.
The central claim flowed right into the issue that was addressed. All arguments were connected
to the central claim in an organized manner. Paper didnt drift off topic, but the writer view did
seem to go back and forth on whether or not she should stay in school or not.
The final paragraph is something that might needs to be revised. In the end the paper needs to
come full circle of the points described before it. Restate the issues at hand, and make your point
known of what should negligent nurse do.

Lawrence 8
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

The title of the paper could be changed to something to more interesting. Something along the
lines of Balancing the life of sports & school, or something eye grabbing that can draw the
reader into the paper.

Self-Assessment

Participation and Preparation 4: For the most part I feel I was very good with
participating with class discussions and journals. I missed one class, but I talked
with a classmate to get what I missed and didnt fall behind at all. I started my
essay early so that I can have ample amount of time to do revising to it. I came to
the peer reviews, although I had my peer reviews I didnt have them printed out.
However, I sent them off right after the conference. The peer review conference
was beneficial to me as we discussed a way that I really get my paper on topic of
fear.
Peer Responses 3: I read both of my peers papers twice, and came up with
my peer review response. I did spend 45 minutes on each paper, and tried to give
my best advice to my peers. I gave input on things that should be removed or
added. I didnt say I dont know on any of my peers papers.
Central Claim 3: I feel that my central claim is clear and direct to the topic.
My paper stayed on topic of fear and continued to go back to my claim throughout.

Lawrence 9
Kevin Lawrence
Rhetoric & Comp
10/4/16

At first I had trouble finding a claim that can be argued and discussed. I believe my
claim could have been better.
Evidence 3.5: The evidence used is from articles given in class. Its reliable
and flows with the topic of the paper. The evidence is cited in text and with a work
cited page. I feel I could have used one more article to help support my claim more.
Organization 4: The paper is very organized and stayed on topic throughout.
It doesnt run away from the topic of fear which was the pivotal point of the paper.
It starts with the claim and runs on to the fear of facing the parents, and to the most
important part the changing of her major.
Presentation 4: I feel confident in my paper that it fits the purpose of the
essay. I used information from my peers and class to help better my paper. I have
done my revision and editing for this assignment, and feel that its ready to be
turned in.