Low self-esteem cant be hidden for long.

It tends to show itself through thoughts, words, and

behavior.
Since some behaviors are simply learned, and may have little to do with ones level of self-
esteem, its best to look at the overall picture rather than focusing on just one piece of
information.

With that in mind, here are some signs that, taken as part of a larger pattern, may be an indication
of low self-esteem. Please note that this is not a comprehensive list.
1. Thinking that other people treat me badly because I deserve it.
Imagine the following scenarios:

An acquaintance ends a conversation with you by walking away without saying goodbye.
Someone who said they would call you, doesnt.
A coworker invites everyone in the office to a party, except you.
In each of these scenarios, the other person is being rude. If your tendency in these situations is
to feel bad about yourself, that is a strong indicator of low self-esteem.

Practice focusing on the other persons behavior, and trying to evaluate it objectively. Are they
being appropriate? Kind? Reasonable?
2. Disliking people in general

Babies are born with a natural interest and trust in other peopleyou were born that way, too. If
you now feel like people are not your thing, its almost certainly because of painful experiences
that taught you that other people can be mean and hurtful. Even if youre no longer in touch with
the pain of the past, even if you dont even remember those experiences, your sense of self and
your own worth were undoubtedly shaped by the same experiences that created your dislike of
people. Unfortunately, dislike and distrust of people make it hard to cultivate the very
experiences that would prove people to be better than you expect, perpetuating a vicious circle.
Pick someone in your life who feels safe enough, and try opening up a little more than you
ordinarily would.
3. Under- or overachievement

Overachievement is an attempt to bolster low self-esteem with impressive deeds when deep
down, you dont feel like the person you are is enough to be acceptable to others. Only more
accomplishments can give an overachiever the feeling of being okay as a human beingat least,
that is their hope.

Overachievers can benefit from allowing themselves to slack off and learning to tolerate the
feelings that arise in the absence of productivity.
On the other side of the coin, your self-esteem might be so injured that you dont dare attempt to
achieve anything. As an underachiever, you may feel that if you should fail, it will only prove
what you secretly already suspect: that you are woefully inadequate to the tasks of normal living.
Its better not to try, and instead enjoy the thought of having potential, than to attempt to
achieve something and fail in front of everyone.

Underachievers can pay attention to feelings of fear of failure and practice making small
attempts at doable activities, such as baby steps toward a larger goal.
4. Perfectionism

Its long been known that perfectionists often experience low self-esteem.
For perfectionists, only something done perfectly is good enough to be acceptable to others.
Ninety-nine percent success is the same as failure; only 100% is good enough (barely).
Perfectionist might think they create their standardsthat is, they may believe theyre trying to
please only themselvesbut too-high standards are always based on early perceptions of what
others expect from us.

Perfectionism is cured by doing things imperfectly on purpose. It may help to use a shame tactic:
imagine that because of your perfectionism, everyone knows youre insecure. It might help you
to let go of it a little.
5. Alienation

Feeling somehow different and alienated from the rest of the human race is one of the most
discouraging experiences one can have. Perhaps surprisingly, its one of the most common
reasons people seek therapy.

This sense of alienation often results from emotional neglect when a person was young. Many of
us who received the food, clothing, and shelter we needed for survival did not receive as much
accurate empathy as we needed in order to understand ourselves as people.
Sometimes our caregivers were sick, depressed, or even deceased, and we were left alone too
often. Sometimes they were there with a vengeance, sowing fear and discord. We didnt get the
opportunities we needed to bond with other people. Bonding creates a sense of security and
connection that everyonekids, adolescents, adults, seniorsneeds in order to thrive. If you feel
like an alien, know that you are not alone. You are a normal human being reacting in a normal
way to the abnormal situation of emotional isolation.
Read and learn as much as you can about emotions, for these play an important role in the
formation of relationships with both yourself and others. Practice self-acceptance: if you dont,
you will never feel accepted by others. If you can, find a therapist you feel comfortable with. A
therapist can serve as a compassionate guide while you work on reintegrating yourself into the
human racewhere you very much belong.

Cinci semne ale stimei de sine sczut.

Stima de sine sczut nu pot fi ascunse pentru mult timp. Ea tinde s se arate prin
gnduri, cuvinte i comportamente. Aici sunt unele semne ce pot indicao stima de sine sczut.

1. Gnduri precum: Ceilai m trateaz urt pentru c merit.

Imaginai urmtoarele scenarii:

- O cunotin incheie o conversaie cu tine plecand, pur si simplu, fr a-i lua la

revedere
- Cineva care a spus c te va suna, nu o face
- Un coleg invit toat lumea din birou la o petrecere, cu excepia tu.

n fiecare din aceste scenarii, cealalt persoan este nepoliticos. Dac tendina dvs n
aceste situaii este de a v simii ru cu privire la propria persoan, acesta este un indicator
puternic de stima de sine sczut.

Concentraiv atenia asupra comportamentului celor din jur i evaluai-l ct se poate de

obiectiv. Au un comportament rezonabil? Corespunztor?

2. A displace oameni in general.

Bebeluii se nasc cu un interes natural i ncredere n ali oameni i tu ai fost nscut cu

aceste insticte. Dac acum simi c oamenii nu sunt pe placul tu acesta este aproape sigur
din cauza experienele dureroase pe care le-ai intmpinat in relaile cu cei din jur ceea ce a
dus la perceperea celorlai ca fiind o surs de ru.