Running Head: LIFE LESSONS WORTH LEARNING

Lydia

Life Lessons Worth Learning

Michelle Tavenner
LIFE LESSONS WORTH LEARNING 2

Success

What makes a person successful? Are they born with it? Is it genetic? Or is it

obtainable? Society might view success as something that runs in the family. Meaning

that if your parents and grandparents were successful, than you will be successful. From

different research I have done and having the opportunity to talk with other people who

come from different walks of life, I have come to the conclusion that success is

embedded inside of everyone. The power of success comes when we find the key to

unlock it and use it. Students are not born with the feelings or knowledge of how to

succeed. They have success inside of them but they need to know where to find the key to

unlock it. It has to be taught to them or modeled to them by a teacher or parent. There are

three main things that would help create more success among students. The first is

helping society to embrace change, second is having better relationships between teachers

and students, and the final thing would be to have an attitude of success.

In society there is a certain way of thinking. One of the mindsets in school and

society is tracking. Tracking is how we group people. There are smart students, dumb,

gifted and talented, lazy, etc. Unfortunately, we are still in a society where tracking is

how we view students. Nietos description of tracking on society is really profound, she

says, Tracking helps prepare them for their place in the larger society. Students in the

top tracks generally end up attending college and having a better shot at becoming

professional; those in the bottom tracks frequently drop out or, it they do finish high

school, become unskilled workers. (Nieto, 2012, p.111).

Society is use to customs instead of innovations. What I mean by this is that we

are so used to those students who are born in a good home with a family that can
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maintain a steady income, those are the children who will help carry the world into a

brighter future. Those children, who are born in homes where life is more of a struggle

with income, will most likely lead that life for the rest of their lives. I believe that all

children can be successful in life if given the chance to prove it. Children are more likely

to fail if they dont believe in themselves. If children are surrounded by people who are

telling them that they cant do something, than they wont be able to do it. Children are

successful when they understand that success sometimes comes from the experience of

saying, I will try again tomorrow after they fail at something. This way of thinking

about success has to come from someone who instills it into the childs way of thinking.

There is a PBS news broadcast called, What Immigrants can teach the rest of

American that talks about how Hispanics were known to have a higher dropout rate and

poverty rate. When Hispanic children come to school, teachers already know that they

will come from homes that are most likely broken up and can only speak very little

English. As teachers they dont want to put their time and effort to work with these

students, they rather work with the ones they feel will be successful so they end up

tailoring the curriculum to meeting the needs of the upper class students. There are many

sad things about this way of thinking but I think one of the saddest is that we as a society

miss out on opportunities to learn from different cultures. In America, it is really common

for a woman to go into post partum depression after she has given birth. However, in the

Hispanic culture they have many methods for preventing women to experience post

partum depression (Kolker, 2013). That is only one small example of Nietos theory on

how we could learn from another culture in society. It we really sought to learn from

other cultures and share what we know with other cultures, how much more successful
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would we be as a whole? How many more children would succeed in school and in life?

It is sad that our way of thinking in society is still focused on a hidden stereotype threat.

In an article called Recess it states, Failure and success are not personally

predetermined, rather they are products of the interaction between people, institutions,

and cultural patterns. This article talks about how when there is an increase in

interaction with the students and the teacher this allows more time for playing and

exploring; the students end up being ahead of schedule in school in comparison to the

other schools. Students feel important. They feel valued. They are not being viewed as

robots being told what to do, rather they are being treated as agents in learning to act for

themselves (Connelly, 2016).

Success comes to students when they feel loved and embraced. When they dont

have to feel embarrassed about their culture or home life situation. Children need to feel

equal to the teacher and be allowed to think for themselves. The need to understand that

they all have the ability to learn despite the weaknesses they might have.

Case Study

Introduction

Lydia Hampton is a tall, slender, college student at Brigham Young University-

Idaho, specifically living in Rexburg Idaho. Even though Lydia has been living in

Rexburg for about 4 years now, she claims Allen, Texas as her true home. Lydia has lived

in many places in her short lifetime of 23 years. She was born in Washington but doesnt

remember living there since her family moved when she was really little. Lydia attended

preschool in Plano, Texas, went to Kindergarten for half of the school year and finished

off the other half of the school year when her dad got a new job and her family moved
LIFE LESSONS WORTH LEARNING 5

again to Virginia. Lydia lived in Virginia until she was in the 5th grade and than her

family decided to move once again. Hoping this was the last time, they decided to settle

down in Allen, Texas. This is currently where Lydias family resides. They have lived in

different house but have still stuck around in Allen. It has been a blessing for her family

to stay in Allen for a long period of time.

Allen is a beautiful town with around 80 thousand people and it is a suburb of

Texas. It is a fairly small town in that it only has one high school. However, just in

Lydias graduating class there were 1,200 students. There is a fairly new high school that

is considered apart of Allen but most of the students that attend that school come from

wealthy homes. On the street where Lydias high school was there were three big

churches and then a ranch. These landmarks describe what her town was like. A good

Christian community that took pride in farming and ranching. This is considered one of

the main streets in the town. On one side of the street there is shopping and on the other

side of the street is where Lydias church sits. What Lydia appreciated probably most

about Allen Texas is the neighbors. This part of Texas has good, clean neighborhoods that

had nice houses. Lydia is unaware about any ghettos or slums that could be planted in

Allen. Allen is considered one of the newer towns and that is why things are still clean for

the most part. This part of Texas is picking up with new expansions of buildings and

families.

What Lydia really admires about Allen is how open and friendly the people are. It

is common to see children out playing in the streets with one another. This is because

everyone for the most part is so trusting and it is a safe town to live in. The only part of

town that could be considered questionable is the apartment complexes. Families are
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pretty consistent in living in and out of these places. Mostly Black or Hispanic people

live in these apartment complexes.

Lydia experienced a huge change from going to a considerably big town where

there was diversity in religious beliefs to moving to a church school in Rexburg. Lydia

will be graduating from this University this semester with an English degree. Her plans

are to move back with her family in Texas for a short period of time until she can figure

out what her next move in life will be.

Lydia has mixed feelings for moving back. Her home life is very good and her

strong family relationship is not what she is worried about, Lydia is more worried about

the uncertainty of what her future has in store for her. Lydia has hopes of being a

published writer some day. Writing has been her passion since she was about 13 years

old. She has written many stories over her lifetime and looks forward to improving them

and hopefully one day seeing them published. She had an opportunity in high school to

work for her dads friend and get one of her stories published online as an E-Book.

The interview with Lydia reveled three basic themes that have described what has

helped her to be successful in her life. One big theme is that family is vital in developing

and encouraging a person to become their best self, consequences can be an effective

method for learning life lessons, and the final theme is that self-determination is not

something that one is born with, rather it is something that can be obtainable.
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Family

I grew up in a typical Mormon family with a geeky dad, a stay at home mom, and several

siblings. Even though my family might look like the typical Mormon family, I still feel like

we are different from the culture I grew up in. My older brother is 27 and he attends a

community college in Texas. He lives out on his own but still close enough that he can

come and visit often. My brother and I have built our relationship on anime. That shows

how dorky we are together! My brother first introduced my to anime when I was in my

teenage years. In a way, that is how we connect. Every time I skpe home to my family and

I start talking to my brother, it is usually about different anime TV shows he is watching.

My little brother is 21. He still lives at home and is really into gamming. I dont really get

it. I think it is a waste of time but he loves it so I try to understand it. My little brother

hopes to make a living by posting you-tube videos on how to accomplish different video

games. So far he hasnt made any money from it. I really hope that he will go to college

and go into something that will support a family. I dont even know if he cares about

having a family and a stable job. I worry about what will happen in his life. I try to

connect with my little brother through watching marvel movies. I can usually engage him

in a conversation that deals will action packed movies. My little sister is 17. She is in the

typical teenage girl stage where she is moody and wont talk to me when I call home. I

dont know what her problem is. Im pretty sure I never acted like that when I was a

teenager. Even though my family has had some challenges in their lives and even though

they are a little weird, they mean the world to me. Growing up I didnt have friends like

typical kids; my friends consisted of my siblings and their friends. Most of my childhood

was spent playing outside with my little brother and his friends. When I think back on my
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childhood and why I spent most of my time with my siblings, I think it had to do with the

fact that I was bullied in school. I dont remember much about being bullied, I guess it

was just a bad memory that I tried to get rid of when I was younger, but my mom told me

that I would come home from school everyday and complain about going. I would come

up with excuses to not go to school. I think I got good at faking being sick. I was just a

different kid growing up; Im still different from others! I was teased all of the time and I

was an awkward kid. I still feel awkward. My family is really the only people who get me.

They are the ones that understand me the best and I know they wont judge me by the way

I act or what interests me. I think thats why I rather spend time with my sibling instead

of kids my own age.

I went on a mission. It was one of the hardest things I have done. My older

brother didnt go and my little brother is not going to go. It is so hard to be in a Mormon

culture where certain things are expected of you. For young men, it is expected for them

to go on a mission. Women should get married and have kids. Dont get me wrong about

this idea of thinking, honestly all I really want in life is to be a mom, have kids, and write.

I just dont want my brothers to feel down on them for not going on missions. I dont want

people to judge them. When I go to church with my family sometimes I feel like people

are staring at us. I feel like we are the only messed up family in the congregation. I feel

out of place. Deep down I know that there are other families who have their own

struggles but I still feel like a sore thumb sticking out. I look around the ward and think

Wow they are so perfect and my family is so messed up but I guess it is hard to get the

full picture on peoples lives. Even though my family has had rough patches they are still

really fun. We all get along and joke around when we spend time together. When we were
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younger we hated each other. I think that now we are older we can relate more to each

other because we have similar experiences. My family is really open with one another as

well. Any questions I had or doubts I had in life, my parents were really good at

answering them or helping me find the answers to them. They always helped my siblings

feel loved and accepted. My home was a safe haven from school. During the day I would

be teased by other students and bored by the subject material. I felt like school was a

waste of time but when I would go home, I could relax. It was great to choose a book I

was interested in and then slip into a new world of adventure and acceptance that I

couldnt find anywhere else. I am looking forward to moving home. Not only will I have

more time on my hands to start writing adventures for others, I really hope that my family

relationship will continue to get stronger. Who knows, maybe I will connect better with

my sister.

Consequences

I dont want it to seem like my parents were cool or anything like that. My dad still listens

to 70 and 80s music. I guess my mom is pretty chill when it comes to modern music but I

dont like my dads music. It is sad to think that I have listened to his music so much that I

can now tell what era it is from. I think my family has done a great job at raising my

siblings and I but I do wish they had enforced consequences more frequently in our lives.

I wish my parents had been more consistent with the rules they set up and the

consequences from breaking those rules. My dad has come up with three really good rule

systems but than he never followed through with them or enforced them. He just lets them

kind of slide away. This has caused a lot of problems with my siblings and me because my

parents were never consistent with the punishments. One example of this is the dishes.
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We always knew that my mom hated dirty dishes. Every night my mom goes to bed she

has to make sure that the dishes are done or else she wont sleep. For that very reason my

siblings and I dont do the dishes even when we are told to because we know that my

mom will eventually do them. I also think that if my parents would have been more

forceful with rules and consequences, I would be more diligent in the little things. I

working on being better at getting homework done sooner and not procrastinating or

cleaning up after myself. I feel like my little brother especially would have benefited more

from consequences. If things were more enforced maybe he wouldnt take so much

advantage of my parent. I think about school and how little I cared what the teachers did

to me. The main reason I ever tried was because I wanted to make my parents happy. To

be honest, in school I really lacked motivation. Nothing we were studying or talking

about interested me unless I was able to choose a topic that I really cared about. Things

might have been different in my life and my siblings life if we were held more responsible

and had more consequences. Im sure how the schools are structured are good and they

can be beneficial but I cant see it or I couldnt see it in high school. I wasnt treated in a

way that made me think or care. The only consequence in school was getting a letter on

my report card and to me I didnt really care to understand what that meant. Growing up

maybe I would have cared more about helping around the house if I had been held more

accountable for my actions. Maybe my family would have been different if we were given

more responsibilities and consequences in our lives.

Self-Determination

My parents are weird but great. Like I said before, my dad is a nerd. He makes all of

these nerdy jokes about protons and currents and nerdy stuff. He also is really stubborn.
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My dad is a my way or the high way type of guy. He is really focused and likes to take

his time to think through problems and come up with solutions. My mom is very stubborn.

She is very sensitive and you have to be careful on how you say things or her feelings can

get hurt. She is very caring. My mom subs at the elementary school right now and she

loves it. I really admire my mom because she is always trying to do better even though

she is pretty amazing already. She is always trying to make sure that she is being the best

mom that she can be. I think one quality I received from my mom is determination. My

mom is always determined to be better or to do something better. In a way that is how I

am also. My parents have always taught me to do my best in all I do, even if your best is

getting a C on an assignment. Im grateful for this motto because it helps me feel more in

control and I have a greater desire to try out new things. I never felt pressure for failing.

When I did fail, my parents told me to pick myself up and try again. I think about being in

high school. There were a lot of students that attended my school but I didnt know them.

Im sure there was a good chunk of them that dropped out. I think kids drop out of school

because they dont really care about it. They dont have self-determination. Im sure there

are other reasons as well on why kids drop out. Who knows? Maybe they have to support

their family. Maybe there are different economic reasons that are tied into why they have

to leave school. I hate to say this but I think one of the biggest reasons kids drop out of

school is because they dont have the type of support from families or teachers. In a way,

they cant succeed no matter what they do. Im really blessed to have such nerdy parents!

I use to be embarrassed by them. My mom would come to my elementary school and I

remember being slightly embarrassed but thinking about it now shows that she really

cared for me. The reason I am successful today is because of my parents and the way
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they have raised me. Both of my parents have modeled for me the importance of doing

your best in all you do and not being afraid of failure, because it will happen. You just

have to be determined to keep trying.

Commentary

After interviewing Lydia and learning more about how school has affected her, it

has been easier to see what has brought Lydia success in her life. There are many theories

that have been created on why students either succeed or fail. The purpose of having

theories is they attempted to explain the reason why peoples lives turn out the way that

they do. In this section of the commentary I will present four theories and prove the

effectiveness of them. Following these theories I will end with my personal theory. Going

over these theories and seeing how they relate to Lydias life will be helpful in

understanding why she is successful today. The theories I will go over will be the deficit

theory, cultural capital theory, and out-of-school factors. Following these three theories,

we will analyze Nietos theory along with multicultural education and end with my theory,

which is called Tavenners capability theory.

Deficit Theory

The deficit theory states that children who are born in hard conditions depending on

the culture or genes or other differences from the normal population, will struggle. The

reason the child will fail will because of their circumstances from their home lives that

are out of their control. The students problems are predetermined and thus there is no

hope for changing the circumstances that produced them in the first place(Nieto,

2012,p.16). Teachers and the school system are not able to help these children succeed.
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This theory is stating that if students come from homes where they only have one parent

at home, or they live in poverty, or other circumstances will be a reason why they dont

succeed in school (p.257). The actual definition of the deficit theory is School failure

focused on what was assumed to be the inadequacy of students home environment and

culture (p. 257). In the interview with Lydia, she said that she wished her parents had

been stricter with rules and responsibilities in the home. If her parents had focused more

on these areas in Lydias life and her siblings life, Lydia would have been more

motivated in school and probably would have enjoyed it more. This theory can prove why

there was a deficit in Lydias life and why she was not as successful as she could have

been.

Cultural Capital Theory

When the first day of school rolls around, many student file in the classroom bring

with them many differences including language, background life, different traumatic

experiences, and one of the biggest things is a lunch box. A teacher can tell a lot about

their students on the first day of school by the type of lunch they are bringing, the

clothing they wear, even the color pencils can effect how the teacher will view the

students. The students culturally capital have a big determination on if the students will

be successful or not. There are three main reasons for cultural capital: Disposition of

body and mind, cultural goods (books, material objects), and educational qualifications

(Nieto, 2012, pg.259). This is one of the best ways to tell if a student comes from a good,

middle class home and if they will be successful in school and life. Lydia educational

career proves the cultural capital theory in many ways. For one, Lydias mom took great

care in making sure Lydia and her sibling wore clean clothing to school and had lunch.
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They are a middle-class family that had the normal struggle of bills being tight but

managed to pay the bills and could afford clothing and good school supplies. Lydia also

fits this mold because she was blessed to have her mom involved in her school in various

ways. In elementary school, Lydias mom was on the PTA where she would attend

meeting and plan different events for the students. Having Lydias mom in the school

helped her realize later how important school meant to her mom. Lydia benefitted by this

cultural capitol theory because she grew up being apart of the main culture in Texas.

Unlike other student who came from run down neighborhoods that housed many people

in apartment complexes, Lydia grew up in a middle class neighborhood with the ability to

access many resources for her schooling. Even though Lydia is the mold for a child who

could be distinguished under the cultural capital theory, it still wasnt the reason why she

did well in school. Lydia never paid much attention to her clothes or school supplies. Her

mom being able to volunteer was sometimes embarrassing to Lydia. She was grateful her

parents supported her by going to choir concerts but it didnt matter as much to her to

have her parents in the school.

Out of School Factors

The final theory that Nieto (2012) describes is OSF or Out of school factors. This

theory is based on the factors that school cannot influence the factors that could be

changed in a students life. It deals with poverty and the effect that poverty has on

limiting what the student will learn or if they will be successful. There is a list of OSF,

which includes: Low birth-weight, inadequate medical care, food insecurities, family

stress and relationships, neighborhood and many other things (265). OSF if a real thing

and can influence many aspects of success. Many student face difficulties depending on
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where they live and when they get to eat as well as the different influences that surround

them. All of these factors school systems cannot control. They can offer little help by

providing lunches to those students whose parents cant afford it but this is a small in

comparison to what they student needs. Lack of heath care, inadequate nutrition,

inadequate housing, and unstable family life impinge on school experience(266). Lydia

was able to have positive out-of-school factors that helped her to succeed. In fact, Out of

school factors was probably the biggest thing that caused Lydia to succeed. Her

experience all through out school was negative. She never felt connected to teachers or

students. Through out her 12 years of schooling, she never felt a profound influence by

the curriculum or staff members at school. What got Lydia through and helped her to be

successful enough to go to college was the fact that her family had a good home

environment where they could be that support system that she didnt receive anywhere

else. Lydia proves this Out-of-school theory wrong. Part of her success came from her

home life.

Nieto/Multicultural Education

According to Nieto (2012), Multicultural education is a constant, ongoing process.

Having multicultural education in the classroom will help all students to progress in

school and be successful. Nieto states,

It is clear that no single explanation of academic achievement in sufficient to

explain why some students succeed in school and other fail. Rather, we need to

understand school achievement as a combination of personal, cultural, familial,

political, relational, and societal issues, and this requires an understanding of the

sociopolitical context in which education takes place (2012,p.277).

LIFE LESSONS WORTH LEARNING 16

The main idea I appreciate about Nietos theory is the fact that it involves many people to

help children to be successful. Children will succeed if they have positive influences

around them. It involves individuals to constantly check themselves and see if they are

being a force for good with the people they associate with. Responsibility for helping a

student succeed is not just the parents or teachers job, it also involves the leaders of this

country, the school nurse, the bus driver, and even the childs dentist. Everyone that

associates with children play apart in their success.

Chieko Okazaki (1996) is a religious leader of the worlds largest womans

organization called Relief Society. One of the primary purposes of this society is to reach

out to others in need and administer to those who are less fortunate. Okazaki gave a

wonderful talk about differences among people. In her talk she shares how we were all

created for the benefit of helping out the culture we were born in. Everyone will

experience circumstances that are different but can be used to teach others. I too agree

with Mrs. Okazaki about how our differences should not be viewed as negative but

should be a source for learning from others. I found in the interview with Lydia more

about the importance of life and success. Hearing different stories on what has influenced

her and shaped her into the person she is today has opened my eyes to how vital

individual culture is on impacting others around them. It is common for a teacher to judge

a student immediately when they come into schools. First day of class roles around and

teachers can look at each students capital, including backpacks, clothing, lunch boxes,

even colored pencils and start to compartmentalize them into which student will be most

successful and who they should devote most of their time and energy on.
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Nieto (2012) defines multicultural education as interactions among teachers,

students, and families and the very way the school conceptualize the nature of teaching

and learning(p.42). The people we grow up associating with influence us in quite but

profound ways.

The Tavenner Capability Theory

Based on my case study, I propose a new theory that has been influenced and grown

from Nietos theory and definition of MCE. The Tavenner capability theory states that

students will be successful when home life and school life become apart of one another. I

believe that success in school comes from teachers as well as home life. Teachers have

the biggest impact on the children when they dont tolerate than; rather they embrace

them as their own. Every student, whether they are rich and snobby or poor and hungry,

should be treated as a family member to that teacher instead of just another pupil sitting

in a desk. When teachers plan their lessons, the lessons should be focused on the

individual student instead of how many chapters they need to cover in one day. Teacher

rarely understand the home life that children come from and they dont have any control

on how the parents will treat the children, but teachers have all control on how they will

treat their students. This goes along with Nietos theory because Nieto believes that we

need to understand a childs personal and family life to help them learn more efficiently.

As a teacher we need to get to know the family of the students we teach and go to their

homes and observe how it is set up.

There needs to be a joint effort with family members and teachers. Teachers need to

be willing to reach out to the families of the students they teach because it is the families

that know these children the best. Regular home visits and phone calls should become the
LIFE LESSONS WORTH LEARNING 18

norm. They shouldnt just happen when the student does something wrong, rather it

should happen when the student tries hard and is successful with the effort they put forth.

There are many different theories and from studying various ones I have come to the

conclusion that there will not be one correct way that can explain success. I am with

Nieto when she says that creating successful students and classrooms is a process. It

involves a big team of people working together for the same purpose. Loving each child

no matter their walk of life and working hard to reach out to that child and their family to

help them be successful.

In order for school life and home life to become interconnected, I think the best place

to start is the design of the classroom. A classroom shouldnt be a four-wall room with

desks lined up in rows. When one walks into a multicultural classroom, they are walking

into a home. There are 5 or 6 round tables with comfy chairs around them so that students

have an easier time at working together in groups and discuss what they are learning. In

one area of the classroom there is a sensory spot where children who are feeling

overwhelmed can go and relax. The lighting isnt as bright in this area. There is soft

music playing and many different types of objects like silly putty, pieces of fabric, balls

to squeeze, and other tools that children can relax with. In another corner there is a mini

library with books in different languages and a couch. I particularly like this area because

this is where the families of the students can come and read books with their children.

This area is an escape from the regular routine of things. The classroom will be a model

of a humble home and it will be a place for anyone to come and learn.

The teacher will be dressed in accordance to the students. They will be one of them.

The teacher will hardly lecture but rather she or he will move from table to table learning
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and discovering with the students. The teacher will know every family member that

walks into the room. Most importantly the students will feel like they are capable of

doing anything they desire because the teacher will know the potential and the capability

of each student. Modifications of the classroom will take place on a regular basis

because there are various types of home lives. The only thing that will stay the same in

the classroom will be the feelings of teacher and family support as well as love for the

students.
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Work Cited

Connelly, Christopher (2016, May) Turns Out Monkey Bars and Kickball Might Be Good

For The Brain. NPR. Retrieved from

http://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/01/03/460254858/turns-out-monkey-bars-and-

kickball-are-good-for-the-brain?sc=17&f=100

Kolker, F.M.(PBS News Hour)(2013, Jan 3). What Immigrants can teach the rest of

America. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31BWtTekc8Y

Nieto, S.,& Bode,P.(2012). Affirming Diversity The Sociopolitical Context of

Multicultural Education, Student Value Editions. N.p.: Allyn & Bacon. Print.

Okazaki, C. (1996, May). Baskets and Bottles. The Ensign. Retrieved from

http://lds.org/ensign/1996/05/baskets-andbottles?lang=eng&query=bottles+baskets