Social Clock

Question:

We often hear people commenting that their biological or social clock is ticking.
What are the settings on your social clock? At what age do (did) you expect to be married?
Have children? If you do (did) not marry by this time, what would you do? If you were told
that you could not have children, what would you do? How would the absence of a spouse
and/or children impact your plans for the future?

Answer:

I am currently married with two children still living at home. My spouse just entered into
another job but kept the same career path in law enforcement and I have chosen to go back to
school and finish what I first started twenty years ago. Motherhood came to me at the age of
sixteen years old. I dont feel that I was cognitively prepared to be a mother and care for another
human being, but the circumstances I was faced with left me no choice. I chose to give life and
that changed my world forever. I have had three longterm relationships of which three children
were born. I am in my early 40s, married to the most wonderful person I would have ever
imagined to be compatible with. Her support and compassion is what helps me get through the
days raising a seventeen year old teenage girl and an eleven year old boy about to start middle
school.

As an unmarried young mother, I didnt have the support I expected from my family
which made it hard for me to incorporate college after high school. I managed to finish high
school with an infant to care for. I volunteered at an after school programs to make up for
necessary graduation credits. I was determined more than ever to finish school and get a job to
support my child. I put myself on the back burner as he was more important and my dreams
were no longer a priority. I figured my dreams could be placed on hold until he became of age
where I would then resume where I left off. It became difficult not having the support from my
immediate family to help me care for my child. My family tried, but my mother was in her late
30s and refused to be a stay at home grandmother and care for my child. My mother also had
dreams and aspirations that she was finally able to achieve with my siblings being in junior high
and high school. My pride did not allow me to see failure so I kept pushing on through life. I
did not take any life event for granted and I learned from my trials and tribulations. I am
thankful for the experiences.

I had made plans long before high school. I dreamt of finishing high school and going to
college with my best friend. She and I were going to live in a dorm together, finish college, and
be career driven women. I did not want or expect to be married at all. However, I thought I
would have a boyfriend or two throughout college, but nothing serious enough to drive me away
from the path I had chosen for myself. I told myself no one would interfere with my dreams, not
even family. I told my mother once when I was in grade school that I would be going to college
far away and was going to do something with my life. I began looking at college brochures
while I was in junior high school. I wish I would have not allowed bad influence to change my
mind. I allowed the influence of friends and boys to distract me. I became sexually active at
fifteen years old and did not use protection or birth control. I was uninformed and uneducated
when it involved any form of protection or birth control. I was foolish to think I was invisible to
the threats of my social environment. I would have been the first in my family to go to college.
Instead, I earned a high school diploma.

As I mentioned earlier, children were not in my future plans. I still think about it from
time to time and wonder what my life would be like now if I had stayed on my path to success.
Where would I be. Would I be a CEO or would I be living in a foreign country running a
business. The possibilities were endless for me. I was so naive to think my behavior would not
lead me to become a statistic at sixteen years of age. Instead of playing the victim, I decided to
persevere and prove to the people who judged me and my family that I could become anything I
wanted to be. College deepens cognition, in general, the more years of higher education a person
has, the deeper and more post formal that persons reasoning will become (Pascarella
&Terenzini, 1991). I enrolled in a community college while my son was a toddler. I continued
going back to school throughout my life, always wanting to advance at work and move up the
career latter. Motivation is crucial for every intellectual accomplishment (Berger 2016, Pg. 407).
I had so many mentors in my career path and still think of their wise words from time to time.
To me children should never hinder me from doing what I want, and a job should never hinder
me from having children. It just cant be like that (Carlsson et al.,2015, p.340). By the age of
thirty, I had three children (seven years apart in age) and a career in healthcare. My long life
goal has been to become a registered nurse. Caring for others has been in my nature and
probably was enhanced by having a child at a young age.

If I wasnt married at this time I would be okay with the loner life. I would probably be
surrounded with tons of girlfriends and I would be able to travel at my leisure. If I knew I would
not be able to have children then I would consider adoption. Again, this time I would think about
it and plan accordingly and would have to readjust my life to allow another to be in my life. I
feel that marriage is not for everyone. If I had the choice 24 years ago, I would have definitely
waited until my thirties or even forties. I would have considered marriage, but probably no
children. I love children very much, but I would have probably adopted. I would have been
selfish about keeping my body in shape and not having to go through the trauma of childbirth.
There is always a child in need whether it be here in the US or a foreign country. We see
celebrities resorting to adoption if they cannot conceive. I would have been just fine adopting a
child. However, I would not change my life as it is now. I have a wonderful spouse and three
wonderful children that I am extremely proud of. I am looking forward to grandchildren in the
future and would definitely support my children if they decided to not marry or have children.

Reference List

Pascarella &Terenzini, 1991

Carlsson et al.,2015, p.340
Berger, K. S. (2016). Invitation to the life span (3rd ed.) New York, NY: Worth Publishers.