WHOSTHECOOLESTMOM

BY:LAUREN,KAIA,HECTOR,ALLIE&ISABEL

COSTUMES&PROPS

MARGOiswearingveryearthytones,baggydenimpants,flannel,
cargojacketandhikingboots.Nomakeup.Carriesfarmersmarket
typebagfullofcarrots.

TIFFANYiswearingamatchinghotpinkJuicyCouturevelour
tracksuit.Lotsofmakeupandstrappyheels.PressOnnails.
Carriespursewithnailfile,mirrorandlipstickinside.

DONAMARICHUIiswearingchanclas,mexicanapron,hairin
curlers,overthetopmakeup.Carriesbabyandbagofhot
cheetos.

BRADLOPEZiswearingasuit,notie,topbuttonsopen,carries
amic.

JAKE(Margo'sson)iswearingcargoshorts,whitesocks,hiking
bootsorcrocs,uglynerdyshirt.

AUBREY(Tiffanysson)iswearingHTHgymclothes,backpack

FERNANDO&JOSE(DonaMarichuisson)arewearingHollister
clothes,dressedlikeamexicansocial,leatherboatshoes.

CAMERAMANiswearingabuttonupshirt,shorts(dressedcasual)

MAKEUPARTISTwearingallblack

EXTRAS(FAKEAUDIENCE)doesntmatter



INT.GAMESHOWSET

Scenestartswithallwalkingthroughcurtains,enteringstage,
MARGO,TIFFANY&DONAMARICHUIgototheirplaces,BRADLOPEZis
gettingfixedandreadybyMAKEUPARTIST

MAKEUPARTISTexitsstage.

TIFFANYgoesuptoMARGOandshakesherhand,theysmiletowards
eachotherthenTIFFANYturnsaround.

TIFFANYturnstoDONAMARICHUIwithanhuge,almostcreepy
smile.

TIFFANY
(offerstoSHAKEDONAMARICHUIShand)
Hi! Im Tiffany, nice to meet you! Youre
(in bad American accent)Donah Mar-e-chai
right?Ilovechai!

DONAMARICHUIcorrectsTIFFANY.

DONAMARICHUI
No,DO-NAMA-RI-CHU-I.

GameShowmusicplays.

BRADLOPEZ
GoodafternoonAmerica,andwelcometothis
week'sepisodeof..

ALL
WHOSTHECOOLESTMOM!

AudienceAPPLAUDS.

GameShowmusicfades.

BRADLOPEZ
ImyourhostBradLopez!Letsstartby
introducingour3lovelycontestants.

MARGO
Hi!ImMargoThompsonfromPortlandOregon
andmyhobbiesincludehiking,soul
cycling,andmakingorganichomemadehummus
withmykids.Ihave2hearthealthypure
souled14yearoldboysJonathanJr.and
Jake.Andtheirtwinswhichmeanstheir
soulsareintertwined.

TIFFANY
Hellotelevision!ImTiffanyBowmanfrom
Austin,TexasandfirstIwanttoshoutmy
bookclub,BabesWithBooksandmylovely
husbandBobBowman.Iloveyoumysweet
potatopie!

BRADLOPEZ
Okay,movingonto-

BRADgetscutoffbyTIFFANYasshecontinuestospeak
aboutherself.

TIFFANY
Imalsoapageantmomandmyfavorite
thingstodowithmyprecious16yearold
daughterAubreyistakeherhorseback
riding,testingoutthelatestPinterest
DIYsandgoingtoyogawithmygirlfriends.

BRADLOPEZ
Ihopethatsall.Movingontoourlast
contestant..





DONAMARICHUI
HolamynameisDonaMarichui.ImfromLos
AngelesCalifornia.Ilikecookingtamales,
tortillasandpozoleformyfamily.Ihave
sixkids.MyoldestisGabrielGuadalupe
Jimenez,andthenMymijoHumbertoJuan
MiguelandJoseLuisAngelandmynina
Lupita

BradgrowsannoyedandcutsDONAoff.

BRADLOPEZ
OkWellwearegoingtobemovingon...for
ourusualfirstsegmentwehave

ALL
WHATSTHATKIDSAYING?!

WHATSTHATKIDSAYING?!appearsonscreen.

BRADLOPEZ
Inthisgameourthreecontestantswill
competeagainsteachotherusingslangterms
tofindoutwhichisthecoolestmom.Up
firstwehaveMargo.

SoMargoyouwillhave10secondstousethe
slangwordinasentenceandyourwordis...
lit.

Thewordlitappearsonscreen.

Tickingsound.Alarmdings.Anervouslookgrowson
MARGOsface.


 MARGO
Okum.Theoraofmyhomewassopurewhen
thesagewaslit.

Buzzergoesoff.

BradtriesnottolaughaboutMargo'sResponse.

BRADLOPEZ
SorryMargothatwasnotlit.

BradmovesnexttoTiffany.

BRADLOPEZ
Tiffanyyouarenext,yourwordis...Savage.

Thewordsavageappearsonscreen.

Tickingsound.Alarmdings.Tiffanyspeaksinconfident
tone.
TIFFANY
OMG,thisisperfect,soIordereda
brazilianblowoutatthehairsalonandthey
gavemeaSTRAIGHTPERMandnowimatthis
gameshowandIlooklikesuchasavage.

BRADLOPEZlooksconfusedandalmostdisgusted.

BRADLOPEZ
Yeah..butno.
Twosecondsofsilenceoccur.

BRADLOPEZbreathsin.

BRADLOPEZ
Okaymovingon.DONAMARICHUI,yourword
Is...twerk!

DONAMARICHUISfacegrowsconfused.

DONAMARICHUI
Ahichoot,thisahardone.

DONAMARICHUIPausestothink,thenagiantsmilecrossesher
face.

DONAMARICHUI
AyeIgotit!Idranktoomanylastnight,
howamIgoingtogettwerk?


BRADLOPEZ
Notevenclosebutheyyoudoseemlikeyou
needalittlemoresleep,soDONAisthe
winnerof..

ALL
WHATSTHATKIDSAYING?!

MARGO&TIFFANYlookateachotherverydramatically
andnoticeablyconfused.



BRADLOPEZ
Nowmovingontoournextgame,wewillsee
whichmomcanrationalizethescenariothe
bestin...

ALL
OHNO!THESEDARNKIDS!

OHNO!THESEDARNKIDS!appearsonscreen.

Allofthemothersnodtheirheads.

BRADLOPEZ
 Thescenariois,Ohno!Thesedarnkidsare
fighting!Whatwouldyoudo?Margoyouare
up.

MARGOpausesforamomentofthinkingtime.

Timerstartsclicking.

MARGO
Iwouldputthembothinabigrestorative
justicecircle!Andmakethemapologizeto
oneanother.Thenmakethemhugitoutand
gooutforsugarfreesoyicecream.(looks
atcamera)Because,imacoolmom.

BRADLOPEZ
Ok...(makesface)Tiffanywhatwouldyou
do..

Timerstartsclicking.

TIFFANY
Iwouldruninthereandseparatethetwo
andimmediatelytakeAubreytourgentcare
becauseyouneverknowwhatcouldhappenand
mydaughterneedstostay100%inperfect
healthconditionandbeautifulsoshecan
stayMissGrandSupremeoftheAustin,Texas
beautypageant.

MARGO,BRAD,ANDDONAallgiveweirdlooksandstareatTIFFANY.

Crickets.

BRADLOPEZ
Thatsthelamestthingiveever
heard.Movingon,DONAMARICHUIyouareup.

DONAMARICHUIanswersalmostimmediately.




DONAMARICHUI
OksolikefirstIwouldlikeesterecord
thewholethingobviouslybecausemisninos
couldgolikeviralorsomethingandthen
whenitsoverIwouldcheckiftheyare
likehurtandthenIwouldjustlikeslap
someArnicaonthemandletthemgowalkit
offImeantheyrejustninos.

MARGOandTIFFANYlooktowardseachotherandgiggle.

BRADLOPEZ
AyDonayouknowhowitis!Thatwasmy
childhood!Dontforgetthechanclaifthey
lost!

DONAMARICHUI
Ahhyasabeshaaaaa.

BRADLOPEZ
(laughing)IgottagivethattoyouDona.
(Wipestearsoflaughter)Okay,okayourlast
segmentis...

ALL
SpillThatGossip!

AlloftheMOTHERStakeadeepbreathshowingthat
theyaregettingready.

BRADLOPEZ
MARGOyouarefirst,spillthelatest
gossiponyourchildren!





MARGO
WellImnotonetogossip(ChompCarrot),
butrumorhasitthatJakemadeanew
friendatschooland...its-afemale!Im
notsayingthere'sanycanoodlinggoingon,
butitsspirituallyhealthytohavethat
kindofdiversityinhislife.

BRADPAUSESgivesblankstaretoMARGO.

Asecondofsilenceoccurs.

BRADLOPEZ
Movingon,Tiffanyyou'reup.

TIFFANY
Well..Aubreyistryingoutforthecheer
squad,andIcanalreadytellshesgoing
tobethebestoneontheteam-
BRADcutsheroff.

BRADLOPEZ
Ohcomeon!Isthatevengossip?

BRADinhales.

BRADLOPEZ
Dona,whatdoyouhaveinstore?











DONAMARICHUI
Myoldest3sonsGabriel,HumbertoyLuis
arestilltryingtoloseweight,get
married,moveoutofmyhouseandmakeme
somegrandbabies.Myonlydaughterandmy
angelLupitabetternothavenogossip.She
cantdatenolittleboystilshes30but
idoknowthatherbestfriendskipped
churchlaste-sundaysoshecantgo
nowherefor3weeksandyouknowshegot
thechanclaforthat.YmismijosJuanand
Fernandobothhavetheireyesonverysweet
prettygirlsandtheymayormaynotbethe
samegirl..ButshhhhIaintsayinnothin.

BRADburstoutintolaughter.

MARGOandTIFFANYgrowconfusedlooksonceagain.

BRADLOPEZ
Dang,yourhousesoundslikesomekindof
telenovelaorsomething.Alrightywellto
determinethewinnerofthefinalround,we
broughtinsomeveryspecialguests!

TheCHILDRENwalkout.

AlloftheMOTHERSmakeobnoxious,squeakynoises,a
smilesweepsacrossalloftheirfaces.

BRADLOPEZ
Thechildrenareheretogivethemthetruth
abouttheirgossip.Whichevermomgotthe
closesttotruthwins!Letsstartwith
 MARGOssonJake.Jake,isittrueyouhave
anewspecialsomeone?

JAKEwalksonstage.

JAKE
Ok.Letmetellyouthis.Ihavelotsof
friendsthatarefemalemom!Youdthinkfor
beingahippieshewouldn'tbesucha
freakingpsychopathshefollowedmearound
aroundinherhugefreakingeco-friendly
threeseattandembikewhenIwasoutwith
myfriendJessicalookingformaterialsfor
mySCIENCEFAIRPROJECT.

JAKEangrilywalksoffstage.

MARGOfollowsquickly,withasorrylookonherface.
Shecontinuestotalkassheiswalkingoffthestage.

MARGO
NosweetieImsorry!Wannagogetsugar
freesoyicecream?

JAKEresponsesquickly,stillwalkingawayfromMARGO.

JAKE
Youandyourgoshdarnicecream.

MARGO
Butitsgoodforyourtonsils!

BRADLOPEZ
Ohmanthatsembarrassing..goodthingI
neverhadamomlikethat!Movingon,next
upwehaveAUBREY,Tiffanyssixteenyear
olddaughter.

AUBREYwalksonstage.

AUBREY
CHEER?!ImtryingoutfortheFOOTBALL
TEAM!UghIhateyou!Anddontevengetme
startedaboutthosestupidbeautypageants!
YoureonstageatthosethingsmorethanI
am!IgottagoIhaveLacrossepractice.

AUBREYwalksoffstage.

TIFFANYstaresintocamera.

TIFFANY
Ohshedosentmeanthat!Itsaninside
joke!

AsTIFFANYwalksoffstageshebeginstoyellat
AUBREY.Theaudienceisunabletomakeoutthewords
sheissaying.

BRADLOPEZ
Geezhowcanyoumisreadapersonthat
badly?OhTiffany..LastupwehaveDona
Marichui'stwoyoungestboysFernandoand
Jose.

FERNANDO&JOSEwalkonstagearguing.

Dramatictelenovelamusicplaysinbackground.

FERNANDO
Mariaismine!

JOSE
Noshesmine!

BothboysJOSEandFERNANDOstartpushingandshoving
eachothertilitturnsintoablownoutfight.

DONAMARICHUIstartsRECORDINGonaphone.

DONAMARICHUI
(throwschancla)Jose!Gethimwiththe
elbow!FernandoJuanMiguel!Whotaughtyou
thatform!WeregonnaneedsomeArnica!

Lotsofshoutingandyelling.

BRADLOPEZ
Thatsallthetimewehavefortodayfolks!
Seeyounextweekonthenextepisodeof..

JOSEandFERNANDOpausefightingandturntowardsthe
audience.

EVERYONEstepsonbackonstage.

ALL
WHOSTHECOOLESTMOM?!