50 Activities For Conflict Resoluti PDF

50 Activities for
Conflict Resolution
Group Learning and
Self Development Exercises
Jonamay Lambert
and
Selma Myers
Published by Human Resource Development Press, Inc.

1999 by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers
The materials that appear in this book, other than those quoted from prior
sources, may be reproduced for educational/training activities. There is no
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the following statement appear on all reproductions:
Reproduced from 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution, by Jonamay

Lambert and Selma Myers. Amherst, Massachusetts: HRD Press, 1999.
This permission statement is limited to reproduction of materials for educational

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Table of Contents
Workshop Activities
About the Authors .......................................................................................................... v

Preface.............................................................................................................................. vii
Introduction .................................................................................................................... ix
Part 1
I. Exploring Conflict
Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand? .......................................................... 1
Two Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight ...................................................... 5
How Can We Both Win? A Quick Demonstration .......................................... 7
II. Know Yourself

Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach ........................................ 11
Identifying Helpful Communication Styles ...................................................... 13
I LoseYou Lose ................................................................................................... 15
Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration......................................... 17
When Conflict Creates Stress, Dont Just Stand There! .................................. 23
Introduction to Listening: A Self Inventory...................................................... 25
III. Understanding Conflict

Tug of War or Peace.............................................................................................. 31
Red Flags ................................................................................................................ 33
Benefits and Barriers: Exploring Third-Party Intervention ........................... 35
Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues? .................................... 37
Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned ....................... 41
IV. Values and Perceptions

Gaining a Different Perspective.......................................................................... 45
Assumptions: Who Needs Em?........................................................................... 47
The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It? ................................................................................. 49
Portrait of a Peacemaker ..................................................................................... 53
V. Resolving Conflict Situations

What Kind of Question Is That?......................................................................... 59
Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account............................................... 61
Resistance . . . Options to the Rescue! ............................................................... 65
Listening for the Other Persons Point of View: Paraphrasing ..................... 69
Third-Party Mediation......................................................................................... 71
Formulating Clear Agreements ........................................................................... 77
Curbside Conflict Resolution .............................................................................. 79
iii
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution
Independent Study
Part 2
Introduction to the Back of the Book . . . Self-Development .................................. 85
Early Takes on Conflict ....................................................................................... 89
Exploring Sources of Conflict ............................................................................. 91
Self-Assessment in Dealing with Differences................................................... 95
Analyzing a Conflict: Is It Worth Getting Into? ............................................. 97
II. Know Yourself

The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution........................................................ 101
In the Heat of the Moment .................................................................................. 103
Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours? ...................................................... 105
How to Deal with Hot Buttons .......................................................................... 109

Resolving a Conflict through Planning............................................................. 113
Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution.................................... 115
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each....................................... 117
Mediation: Test Your Knowledge ....................................................................... 121

Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills..................................................... 127
First Thoughts about Others: Perception IQ Quiz...................................... 129
The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That?............................................... 133

Uncovering the Hidden Agenda .......................................................................... 137
Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise .............................................................. 139
A Questionable Exercise ...................................................................................... 143
Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution ................................. 149
Supportive Listening: Whats Your Score? ....................................................... 151
Skills That Make a Difference............................................................................. 153
Fact vs. Opinion.................................................................................................... 155
Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours .............................................. 157
Turning Negatives into Positives....................................................................... 159
Eight Different Points of View ........................................................................... 161
iv
About the Authors
Jonamay Lambert
Jonamay Lambert, M.A., co-author of seven trainers guides in the Diversity at
Work Training Series, and 50 Activities for Diversity Training, is well known
throughout the human resources field for her training and development method-
ology. Founder and president of Lambert and Associates, she has designed and
implemented training programs related to diversity leadership and change
management for corporate, governmental, and educational organizations,
including many Fortune 100 companies.
Prior to forming Lambert and Associates in 1987, she was principal of PACE, a
not-for-profit institution, and received a three-year grant to develop a multi-
cultural curriculum for prison system educators. Ms. Lambert received a masters
degree in counseling from Northeastern University and an undergraduate degree
in education from Indiana University after studying in Europe and the Middle
East. Also the author of ten trainers guides about diversity used in more than
1,000 national and international organizations, Jonamays philosophy is that
diversity must be understood and appreciated as a means through which people
learn, grow, and benefit from one another.
*******
Selma Myers
Selma Myers, M.A., a trained and experienced mediator, has been engaged in
alternative dispute resolution since 1983. In addition, as an international
consultant, she is president of Intercultural Development, a California company
specializing in communication and intercultural training.
As the co-author of ten trainers guides in the Diversity at Work trainers

series, and 50 Activities for Diversity Training, she has also written additional
guides and handbooks, linking the subject of Alternative Dispute Resolution to
intercultural training.
Ms. Myers helped found, and was director of, the American Language Institute at
San Diego State University, where she administered programs for foreign
students and businessmen. She has also lived and worked abroad and traveled
extensively, gaining particular insights into cultures different than her own.
v
Ms. Myers was a visiting lecturer in residence at the Beijing Institute of

Technology; recipient of a Senior Fulbright Consulting Grant in South America;
and a Summer Teaching Fellow at Harvard University. Her clients have included
Fortune 500 organizations, not-for-profit, government agencies and other areas of
business.
Ms. Myers offers workshops in Conflict Resolution and provides mediation

training for the San Diego Mediation Center and for regional and national
conferences.
vi
Preface
Business people are becoming much more interested in understanding workplace

conflict, its causes, and its impact. This book is designed to meet the needs of
professionals who are expected to resolve their own personal and immediate
conflicts or train others to do so. It also deals with the specific skills one needs to
act as a third party in helping others resolve their conflicts.
Some people believe that conflict is a necessary part of life, and that without
conflict there is no growth. Others believe that the only way to handle conflict is
to avoid dealing with it. Individuals participating in the workshop activities and
self-study exercises offered in this book will examine their own concerns with
conflict, their own individual styles, and the role conflict has played and is
playing in their lives. They will also learn skills to help them become more
effective in interpersonal relations at work. Ultimately they and their organi-
zations will benefit through reduced conflict, improved communication, and a
more productive work environment.
Dispute resolution is often seen as a win-lose situation, or a constant series of

compromises. However, conflict-resolution techniques and activities can help
people understand and deal with it in a way that considers and respects
individual as well as cultural differences.
The increased diversity within the United States makes it even more important to
know how to handle conflict. It is often difficult to recognize, however
signposts and guidelines are not clear, and body language is often hard to read.
More material has recently come to light about communication conflicts between
men and women, but there are many instances in which peoples actions in
general are being misinterpretedinstances when they are behaving in ways they
believe are totally innocent. Recognizing the signs and acting sensitively can go a
long way toward prevention or resolution.
This book focuses on activities and self-study exercises. Some exercises point out
ways to look at conflict, while others help people explore their own beliefs and
values. Other exercises deal with how to understand individual conflict styles.
The objective is to be able to recognize conflict, size up the situation, and keep it
from becoming destructive to ongoing relationships. The activities and exercises
also offer ways in which parties can recognize the kinds of language that might
make things worse, as well as explore what might be done or said to make things
better.
vii
Certain assumptions form the basis for the activities in this book:
One of the goals is to help those giving and receiving messages avoid mis-
understandings and be accurate in using language and communication skills.
Nonjudgmental communication skills can help people who must diffuse
volatile situations.
In resolving conflicts, it is important to meet the interests and needs of all
parties, and to work toward an agreement that is acceptable to each indivi-
dual and the organization as a whole.
The path to conflict resolution is not the sole responsibility of any one
person, but rather of all of those involved.
Acknowledging differences up front is an important step in interactions
involving values and behavior in diversity issues.
The more one knows about conflict styles (ones own natural styles, as well
as the styles of others), the more effective the solution.
Practicing good communication skills will help you resolve conflicts, as well
as prevent them from escalating.
The authors assume that those who are conducting these activities or partici-
pating in them will be comfortable with our short, experiential style, which
presents an opportunity to learn in an interactive way. Finally, the activities are
designed to be non-threatening, and designed for success.
The objective of this book is to provide a series of learning experiences carefully

constructed to:
Look at conflict and its various stages

Understand the impact of differences on conflict
Become comfortable with various conflict styles and resolution methods
Learn responsible and effective communication skills
This book is not a road map to the complete conflict resolution process. However,
it does address techniques and approaches to conflict resolution by teaching
respect for the individual, the problem, and the process. In it we stress the
importance of understanding differing values and perceptions, which often cause
conflict without our realizing it.
viii
Introduction
Whether you are a dispute resolution specialist, a trainer, a manager, or anyone

else whose responsibility includes dealing with conflict, this book is for you. It is
unique in that it addresses two very important topics in specific sections: Group
Learning in Part 1, and Self Development in Part 2.
Though both of these sections deal primarily with conflict and conflict
resolution, the beauty of the activities and exercises is that they can be
incorporated in any number of other training programs. They fit in well with
subjects dealing with Management and Leadership, as well as those related to
Communication. Trainers in the field of Negotiation, Interpersonal Skills,
Diversity, or Problem Solving will also find both sections useful.
Each section of this book on conflict resolution uses workshop activities and
self-study exercises; some point out ways to look at disputes, while others help
people explore their own beliefs and values concerning conflict. There are
additional exercises dealing with conflict styles and resolution skills.
The overall objective is to show you how to recognize conflict and size up a
particular situation, and help you learn how to prevent it from becoming
destructive to a new or ongoing relationship. The activities and exercises also
offer ways to avoid using the kind of language that makes things worse, and
explore what can be done or said to make things better.
The two different sections of the book are described below to give you an idea of
their contents and how they can be used.
Part 1Group Learning

Part 1 offers 25 easy-to-use interactive activities designed for use in a workshop
setting by facilitators and trainers to help participants understand disputes and
the impact of various styles of dealing with conflict. The section also includes
conflict-resolution models and practice activities for developing the skills for
resolution. The wide range of topics in Part 1 encourage participants to explore
conflict in general, learn about their own personal styles and approaches, and
understand conflict issues in terms of values and perceptions. The balance of the
activities deal with the actual skills needed to resolve conflict situations and
provide opportunities for skill practice.
These activities are completely interactive, but they have been designed to offer
step-by-step instructions so that they can be put into practice by trainers,
counselors, managers, and other leaders, Each activity in the front of the book
follows the same format:
ix
Title Of Activity
PURPOSE
EQUIPMENT
MATERIALS
PROCEDURE
DEBRIEF
TRAINERS NOTES (where appropriate).
Part 2Independent Study

This section of the book can be used in three ways: first, as a stand-alone course
with exercises that help participants take the initiative for their own learning;
second, as homework or classwork to reinforce the group activities in Part 1; and
third, with careful adjustment, many of the exercises can also be converted by the
trainer to an interactive format, thereby supplementing group learning.
This section consists of a wide range of self-assessment instruments, specific

reflection exercises, and skill-building exercises that include questions, responses,
and helpful ways to communicate more effectively.
Those who will be working alone at least part of the time will find the exercises
easy to follow. They were designed for individualized instruction; directions and
worksheets are self-explanatory.
Suggested answers have been provided where appropriate to give participants the
opportunity to measure their responses.
A Summary statement appears at the end of each exercise so participants can

review the learning points, reinforce their own work or that of others, and
provide closure.
The activities in Part 2 use the following headings:
Title Of Exercise
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE

INTRODUCTION
WORKSHEET
SUMMARY
The activities and exercises in both Part 1 and Part 2 are grouped into five cate-
gories, as follows:
x
Introduction
II. Know Yourself
Conflict affects everyone, but when it is allowed to develop and grow in the
workplace, it can also affect productivity. However, no longer is the task of
resolving workplace conflict left to managers and trainers. Innocent behavior
can all too quickly be misinterpreted and grow into a minor dispute that gets out
of hand before anyone is aware of it. Knowing how conflict can be prevented and
resolved is becoming increasingly important to all workers.
This book explores techniques and approaches to conflict resolution. Its objective
is to teach respect for the individual, the problem, and the process, and to point
out the importance of understanding the differing values and perceptions that so
often are the cause of anticipated conflict.
As a final note, we would like to point out that the activities contained in
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution will be useful to those of you working in
industrial, commercial, service, government, and not-for-profit organizations, as
well as in the fields of health care, education, and finance.
Conflict resolution is an exciting field to be in, and we wish you good luck!
xi
I
EXPLORING CONFLICT
Defining Conflict:
Where Do You Stand?
3035 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand how they perceive conflict, and what conflict
means in their life experiences.
EQUIPMENT: Flipchart
MATERIALS: Handout: Pop Quiz on Attitudes Toward Conflict
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain to participants that people often come to a conflict-resolution
workshop with a fixed definition of conflict and ideas based on earlier life
experiences.
2. Begin by pairing the participants and asking them to discuss with each other
their definition of conflict. They should also talk about some earlier
experiences that led them to these definitions.
3. Reconvene and have pairs report on the results of their conversations. Ask
participants for examples that influenced their thinking about conflict, and
then (using participant input) write a group definition of conflict on the
flipchart.
4. Lead a discussion about the positive aspects of conflict resolution, asking

questions such as:
How can conflict strengthen relationships?

In what ways can conflict generate growth and self-development?
5. Distribute the handout, and ask the participants to complete the Pop Quiz,
thinking about the discussions so far. Explain that this activity is one that
should get them thinking about additional feelings concerning conflict and
ways to resolve a difficult situation. There will be other activities in this
book exploring various conflict styles, as well as the skills and strategies
required
to resolve conflict effectively.
6. When the Pop Quiz is completed, ask participants to share and discuss
answers.
1
DEBRIEF:
Ask the following questions regarding the handout, reminding the group that
there are no right or wrong answers:
How do you feel about the responses?

Can you see a difference in philosophy? What are your thoughts about
that? (Possible answers are that responses in the left column generally
represent a narrow interpretation of the destructive side of conflict,
whereas responses in the right-hand column seems to represent the
constructive side of conflict.)
Which statements best represent your attitude, the ones in the left column,
or the ones in the right?
Remember, individual definitions of conflict can shape how you deal with
conflict when you are personally involved. Explain that the more you learn
about defining conflict, the more likely you are to understand conflict situations
and develop resolution skills. You will begin to look at individual needs and
intentions (your own and others), and learn to use constructive communication
to resolve conflicts.
2
Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand?
Handout
Pop Quiz: Attitudes Toward Conflict

In each row across the page, check off the one phrase that best represents your
way of thinking. (Your choices should involve your thoughts about present-day
conflict in the workplace.)
I believe conflict: Check I believe conflict: Check

Here Here
Hurts relationships Strengthens relationships
Should be avoided Should be resolved
Resolution is based on Resolution is based on
status and power equality of power
Disregards differences Recognizes and appreciates
of opinion differences of opinion
Has nothing to be Can generate growth
gained from it
Is about blame Is about understanding and
coming to agreement
Produces a winner and a loser Can produce a win-win
resolution
Total the number of checks in each column. Join the group for comments and
further discussion.
3
Two Responses to Conflict:
Fight or Flight
3045 minutes
PURPOSE:
To give participants a chance to explore their responses to conflict and then
consider the advantages and disadvantages of each response.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain to participants that people often come to a conflict resolution
workshop with fixed ideas based on early experiences with conflict. This
activity will give them an opportunity to discuss two general responses to
conflict and the advantages and disadvantages of each.
2. Ask participants to think about how willing they are to deal with a conflict
when it occurs. Explain that some people are ready to fight, and some people
are ready to run away. Have them think about which type of response is most
typical for them.
3. Introduce this activity by describing an imaginary wall and indicating its
location across the back of the room. Ask those participants who say they
really enjoy a conflict and are eager to address one when it occurs to stand at
the far left of the wall, and those who would do anything to avoid conflict to
stand at the far right.
4. Have each group select a reporter and then discuss the advantages and
disadvantages of the way these participants deal with conflict. Allow about
510 minutes for discussions within each group. (If flipcharts are available,
have the reporter list the pros and the cons of each approach on the chart.)
5. Reconvene and ask for a report on the key points discussed.
6. Lead a discussion, using the following questions as guidelines for both groups:
In what type of situation did you find your approach most effective?
Give specific examples.
In what type of situation did you find your approach least effective?
Give specific examples.
How easy or difficult would it be to adapt your style to become more
5
effective?
Have each group select a reporter and then discuss the advantages and
disadvantages of the way these participants deal with conflict. Allow
about 510 minutes for discussion within each group. (If flipcharts are
available, have the reporter list the pros and cons of each approach on the
chart.
DEBRIEF:
There will generally be a continuum rather than two discrete positions in
this activity. However, there will also be positions somewhere in between
the two extremes illustrated. For example, responses might also come under
Collaborating, Compromising, or Accommodating. Each of the styles
carries advantages and disadvantages, and might be more appropriate under
different circumstances.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Another way of using this activity would be to ask participants to regroup along
the wall with a continuum in mind, rather than the two extreme positions.
6
How Can We Both Win?
A Quick Demonstration
10 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand the difference between working against one
another and working together toward a mutual end when resolving a dispute.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS: Prizes, Candy, Money, or Trainers Choice
PROCEDURES:
1. Ask for volunteers to demonstrate the concept of Win-Lose and Win-Win.
Select two volunteers of the same sex and have them come to the front of the
room.
2. Ask them to sit face to face. Explain that they are going to compete in an
arm wrestling match. If there is a small table available, put it between the
volunteers, and ask them to sit in such a way that they can arm wrestle.
(With no table, have them sit in such a way that their knees will be braced
against each other.)
3. Explain that you will give a prize to the winner each time an opponent is
beaten.
4. Allow several rounds and give out prizes to each winner. On the third or
fourth round, suggest that opponents think about partnering so that both
sides can win. Once they get the idea of partnering rather than trying to defeat
one another, they then realize that they can work back and forth in such a
way that each can take turns winning and earn prizes. The activity is then
over.
5. Lead a discussion, asking questions such as:
What happened here?

Were there any surprises?
What lessons were learned in this activity?
Ask the participants if they can recall at what point they began to think
that the two volunteers ought to work out a plan so that both would win.
Ask the volunteers at what point they remember thinking that there might
be a better way to accomplish their goals than struggling to win.
7
DEBRIEF:
Its natural for one party to want to win at the expense of the other, yet a
situation can be constructed with some negotiating so that the struggle is easier
and both sides will come away feeling good. Hence, another Win-Win!
8
II
KNOW YOURSELF
Individual Conflict Styles:
A Zoological Approach
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants recognize that there are distinct differences in conflict
resolution styles, and that being flexible and respecting others might help in
resolving conflict.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS:
Posters prepared ahead of time showing either pictures or names of the four
animals in this activity, and a one-sentence description of an appropriate style
that each animal might represent (see Trainers Notes).
PROCEDURE:
1. Place the posters in various areas of the room.
2. Ask participants to walk around the room and stand beside the poster that
best represents the way they deal with conflict.
3. Ask participants to share what they believe is good about dealing with
conflict in that particular way, when it is most appropriate, and what they
think they can accomplish using that style.
4. Ask participants to discuss any problems a particular style might cause, when
it might be least appropriate to use, and what can be lost by using it.
5. Reconvene and have participants summarize the advantages and disadvan-

tages of the various styles. Continue by discussing how to deal with others
who have different styles of resolving conflict.
DEBRIEF:
This activity addresses four major conflict styles [as described in the Trainers
Notes]. Conflicts are often exacerbated by differences in conflict-resolution styles.
It is not always necessary for people to give up their natural styles in order to
resolve conflict. Some forms of accommodation are possible. Most important are
respecting differences and turning them into a positive force for resolution.
11
TRAINERS NOTES:
Prepare four posters with either the pictures or the names of the following
animals, as well as the phrases that are in parentheses; then briefly describe
the styles:
Bunny Rabbit (escape when you have the chance)

This represents Avoidance.
Pit Bull (winning is the only thing)
This represents Competition.
Worker Bee (act for the good of the group)
This represents Cooperation.
Chameleon (willing to change to blend in)
This represents Adaptation.
12
Identifying Helpful
Communication Styles
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
To give participants an opportunity to identify their individual communication
styles, and to discuss how communication styles impact conflict resolution.
MATERIALS: Paper and Pencils
PROCEDURE:
1. Post one of the four previously-prepared flipchart sheets in each corner of the
room (see Trainers Notes). Conceal descriptions until directions are given.
2. Walk around the room and unfold each flipchart page, reading what is
written.
3. Instruct participants to first reflect on how they view their own communica-
tion styles and then select the one flipchart page from the four shown that
they feel best matches this style. Once they have made their decisions, tell
each to stand by the flipchart page of their choice.
4. Instruct them to discuss with one another why they selected that style and
what the advantages and disadvantages of that style may be in resolving
conflict.
5. If a participant stands alone, make sure to check in with him or her to find
out why he or she made that choice.
6. Ask for a report from each group.
7. Next, instruct participants to each move to the flipchart page with the style
that they feel they have the most trouble relating to.
8. Then, have them share with one another why it is difficult to communicate
with another person with that style, and report out.
DEBRIEF:
The more one knows about his or her own personal communication style, the
better equipped he or she will be in dealing with those who have similar styles.
It will also be helpful to understand how other people with different styles
operate and develop skills to deal with those differences.
13
TRAINERS NOTES:
Prepare four sheets of flipchart paper in advance, listing one of the following
descriptors on each sheet, with simple examples:
ACTION STYLE (sets objectives, makes quick decisions, likes working on

own projects, responds to feedback)
PEOPLE -SENSITIVE STYLE (values teamwork, believes in collective
agreement, may lose sight of entire task, seeks bosss approval)
PROCESS DEVELOPMENT STYLE (thoughtful, resists pressure, pays
attention to details such as objectives, facts, strategies, and tactics)
IDEA-SENSITIVE STYLE (enjoys relating to interesting colleagues, little
interest in ordinary boring activities, bold but sometimes unrecognized)
14
I LoseYou Lose
2025 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand the possible consequences of inflexibility in
attempting to resolve conflicts.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS: Instruction Slips A, B, C, and D
PROCEDURE:
1. Introduce the activity by telling the participants that through role-play, they
are going to observe different ways people approach conflict resolution. They
will also learn the importance of flexibility.
2. Ask for two volunteers who would be willing to act out a role play in a given
situation.
3. Give one volunteer instruction slip A and the other instruction slip B
(see Trainers Notes). Ask them to silently read their respective Instruction
Slips and then position themselves at the front of the room.
4. Instruct the rest of the participants to observe the role play.
5. Initiate the first role play (instruction slips A and B). Call a halt when it
becomes obvious what is going on.
6. Ask the rest of the participants to give feedback on what they observed:
What actually happened?
What verbal and nonverbal signals did you observe from either person?
(i.e., tone changes, pitch changes, crossing arms, etc.)
What did you learn?
7. Thank the volunteers. Ask for two new volunteers to conduct the second role
play (instruction slips C and D) and follow the earlier procedure. Again,
call a halt when it becomes obvious what is going on.
8. First, ask what was different about the second role play. Then raise the same
questions as under Paragraph 6, bringing in the topic of flexibility.
9. Reconvene the group and lead a general discussion on both role plays:
Were the instructions difficult to follow? If so, why?
Did anyone try to negotiate with the other party, or modify or change his
or her position?
What were the outcomes?
How do we become more flexible?
15
DEBRIEF:
When two parties work on resolving a conflict, there has to be a good-faith
approach that a comfortable resolution is the goal. It is often necessary for one
or both parties to be willing to modify their original positions and negotiate
toward a mutually satisfactory solution.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Prepare four slips of paper with Instructions A, B, C, and D so that each
pair will have the their assigned slips.
Instruction A
You are the Manager of Customer Service. Over the past six months, you and
another staff member have worked on a how to manual for customer service.
It was your idea, and while you have both worked on the contents, you want
your name to appear as the author. You are not willing to accept anything
different.
Instruction B
You are a staff member in the Customer Service Department. Over the past six
months, you and your manager have worked on a how to manual for customer
service. It was the managers idea, but you feel you have done more work on the
contents, and you want your name to appear as author. You are not willing to
accept anything different.
Instruction C
You are the Manager of Customer Service. Over the past six months, you and
another staff member have worked on a how to manual for customer service.
It was your idea, and while you have both worked on the contents, you want
your name to appear as the author. Although you feel strongly about this, you
have come to the decision that the most important thing is to get the work
published. You are willing to do what it takes to accomplish this goal.
Instruction D
You are a staff member in the Customer Service Department. Over the past six
months, you and your manager have worked on a how to manual for customer
service. It was the managers idea, but you feel you have done more work on
the contents, and you want your name to appear as author. Although you feel
strongly about this, you have come to the decision that the most important thing
is to get the work published. You are willing to do what it takes to accomplish
this goal.
16
Approaches to Conflict:
Role-Play Demonstration
3045 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand that conflict is a natural occurrence, and that
everyone has different approaches in dealing with conflict situations.
Participants will have an opportunity to learn about approaches in general and

their own in particular.
MATERIALS: Handout #1: Observer Guidelines

Handout #2: Approaches to Conflict Resolution
Handout #3: Situation for Role Play
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain that this activity is designed to give participants a chance to discuss
and role-play a scenario, after which they will examine four major
approaches to conflict resolution.
2. Set up groups of three and have each select one person to be an Observer-
Reporter for the group. Give Handout #1: Observer Guidelines to each
Observer. Distribute situation slips A and B from Handout #3 to the
two remaining participants in each group. Make sure no one sees anyone
elses instructions.
3. Allow 510 minutes for the two paired participants to role-play the situation,
reminding them that their goal is to resolve the conflict. At the same time, the
Observer follows the distributed guidelines and takes notes.
4. Reconvene and ask the Observers to report on what happened during the role
play.
5. Distribute Handout #2: Approaches to Conflict Resolution and review it with

the group. Then ask the groups of three to re-form. Have them discuss their
role play, this time in light of the various approaches. Ask them to think
about which approach is most comfortable for them. Then discuss what
approaches they saw from other participants during the earlier role play. They
should also discuss what they think might have been done differently.
17
6. Reconvene and lead the discussion by asking the group the following
questions:
Were the natural approaches used in the small groups evident, in relation
to the approaches that we discussed?
Did this activity help you determine your own natural approach?
What approaches have you seen in other participants? Were the differences
noticeable?
What did you learn from this activity?
DEBRIEF:
There are many approaches to conflict resolution. One of the most useful is the
Cooperation approach (I winYou win), but there are times when other
approaches are also appropriate. What is important is to be aware of your own
approach and to recognize the approaches other people take. In that way, you
will be able to anticipate how others might react and adjust your own approach
accordingly.
18
Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration
****************************************************
*****
Handout #1
****************************************************
*****
OBSERVER GUIDELINES
DURING THE ROLE PLAY
Your task is to observe what goes on in the role play and note the conflict that
occurs between participants. Jot down some of your observations about how
the participants went about resolving the conflict.
Specifically note whether either member withdrew or gave in. Was there
competition, or cooperation?
AFTER THE ROLE PLAY
When the entire group reconvenes, your task is to report on the conflict that
occurred and how the pair resolved it.
19
****************************************************
*****
Handout #2
****************************************************
*****
APPROACHES TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION

AVOIDANCE(I lose, You lose)
Some people do whatever they can to stay away from issues over which conflicts
are occurring. They believe it is easier to withdraw than to face conflict, and
generally do not like to work with people who are quick to engage in any sort
of conflict.
COMPETITION(I win, You lose)

Some competitive people believe that winning is everything and try to over-
power their opponents by forcing their solution on them. Their goals are highly
important to them, but the relationship is not. They do not feel that the needs of
others are important, and seek to achieve their goals at all costs.
COOPERATION(I win, You win)

These people value their own goals and relationships. They view conflicts as
problems to be solved and seek solutions where both parties achieve their goals.
In fact, they often see conflict as improving relationships by reducing tension
between two people. They will go to great lengths to find a solution acceptable
to both parties.
ADAPTATION(I lose, You win)

People who feel that relations are more important than their personal goals fit
the adaptation approach. They want to be liked and accepted by others. Harmony
is the most important thing, and they are willing to give up their goals in order to
save relationships.
20
Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration
****************************************************
*****
Handout #3
****************************************************
*****
SITUATION FOR ROLE PLAY

SITUATIONPARTICIPANT A, role of Bob:
You are Bob, regional sales manager for a small manufacturing company that is
producing a narrow line of expensive builders hardware. You have built up sales
in your territory to the highest level in the company. You are now negotiating
with a prestigious major distributor, who proposes that the company take your
line on a limited national basis. The only catch is that they need an immediate
shipment to fill an order from a very large customer. Your inventory is very low,
and company policy is that only Helens department, Product Scheduling, is
allowed to allocate shipments. However, you go directly to Production and talk
them into filling your order first on a priority basis, bypassing Product
Scheduling.
Helen discovers what has happened. She is furious and bawls you out. An
argument ensues.
SITUATIONPARTICIPANT B, role of Helen:

You are Helen, head of Product Scheduling for a small manufacturing company
that is producing a narrow line of expensive builders hardware. In the course of
everyday business, you discover that Bob, regional sales manager, has gone
directly to Production and filled a special order for one of his distributors. This
diversion of products has thrown your schedule off and upset your entire
department.
You know that Bob is the fairhaired boy in the organization, but you feel this
situation goes too far. You grab Bob and bawl him out, and an argument ensues.
21
When Conflict Creates Stress,
Dont Just Stand There!
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand that stress may be one of the normal reactions
when disputants are engaged in conflict. To offer suggestions on how to deal with
that stress in a constructive way.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS: Index cards
PROCEDURE:
1. Introduce the topic by making the following points:
Dealing with conflict can be very stressful.
The longer a situation goes unresolved, the more stressful it can be.
Unmanaged stress is not only unhealthy from a physical standpoint, it can
also reduce our ability to remain calm and objective.
Learning how to deal with stress is an important aspect of resolving
conflict.
2. Divide participants into groups of four or five. Explain that they will be
involved in an activity that will generate options that can help reduce stress.
3. Pass out an index card to each participant. Ask them to recall a time when
they were involved in conflict and tell them to think about the stressful
feelings they had. Instruct them to select the single strongest feeling that
caused them stress and write that word on the index card.
4. Give the following instructions: Pass around to participants in your group the
index card on which you have written a feeling. Upon receiving someone elses
index card, you will write on it a stress reduction idea for the feeling shown
on that card. Once all participants have written their ideas for each index
card, place the cards in the center of the table.
5. Have the groups select a reporter, and reconvene. Each reporter will read
aloud the feelings written on the index cards and the list of ideas generated.
6. Lead a discussion by asking the following questions:
What did you learn?
How can stress alter a persons ability to resolve conflict?
Did you gain new ideas about how to deal with stress?
23
DEBRIEF:
Stress is a normal part of conflict resolution. Learning to deal with stress begins
by identifying the feelings associated with stress and using a variety of
approaches to reduce stress. Try using some of the suggestions provided by other
participants in this activity.
TRAINERS NOTES:
If the participants need help in expressing feelings about stress and stress
reduction, you might wish to draw from the following suggestions:
Feelings Sometimes Associated with Stress

Anger Sadness
Disappointment Guilt
Blame Feeling of being overwhelmed
Ways to Overcome Stress

Play music Eat right
Keep a journal Cut back on caffeine
Rest Meditate
Take a walk Avoid alcohol
Talk to friends Exercise
Go for a drive
Additional Things to Think About

Finding out more about the situation Drawing on past experiences
Reviewing the situation objectively Seeking advice
Accepting the situation as it is Exploring different possible solutions
24
Introduction to Listening:
A Self-Inventory
1520 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants understand the importance of listening in a conflict
situation, and to give participants an opportunity to assess their present
listening skills.
MATERIALS: Handout #1: Listening Inventory
PROCEDURE:
1 Discuss the importance of good listening in conflict situations by asking
participants what their thoughts are on the importance of listening in conflict
situations. Record the answers on the flipchart.
2 Divide the group into pairs and ask participants to discuss a conflict they
were involved in where they believed careful listening would have been
helpful, or one in which lack of listening made resolution more difficult. (For
example, the participant or another person was thinking ahead about a
response or a solution and consequently a whole series of dollar amounts
were being considered incorrectly.)
3. Distribute Handout #1 and ask participants to answer each question; then,

using the instructions provided, score their inventory. Allow 5 or 10 minutes.
4. When participants are finished, ask for a show of hands as to whether

participants consider themselves good listeners based on the self-inventory
scores. Ask how many were surprised with their scores.
5. Tell the participants that if most of their answers to the self-inventory were
either a or b, they probably possess, to some degree, the characteristics
of good listeners. If most answers fell into the c, d, or e categories, the
participants probably need to improve their listening habits.
6. Explain that listening is difficult in many situations, but especially so when a

dispute is involved. Issues become more complicated when people are trying
a resolve a conflict and major points are not heard correctly.
25
DEBRIEF:
Listening is one of the most important communication skills in conflict
resolution. There are other activities that deal with listening and responding;
however, without careful listening, responses often lead to further
misunderstandings and the situation can worsen.
No matter how you answered the questionnaire, good listening requires constant
practice in concentrating. Now you know what to work on to become a better
listener.
26
Introduction to Listening: A Self-Inventory
****************************************************
*****
Handout #1
****************************************************
*****
Listening Self-Inventory
This exercise was developed to help you review and describe your typical
listening style. Read each question carefully and check one of the five answers
listed.
1. Research suggests that you think four times faster than a person usually
talks to you. Do you use this excess time to turn your thoughts elsewhere
while you are keeping track of a conversation?
a. No c. Usually e. Dont know/unaware
b. Sometimes d. Yes
2. Do you listen for the feelings behind facts when someone is speaking?
a. Almost always d. Almost never
b. Most of the time e. Dont know/unaware
c. Not as much as I should
3. Do you generally talk more than listen in an interchange with someone else?
b. Sometimes d. Yes
4. When you are puzzled or annoyed by what someone says, do you try to get
the question straightened out immediately, either in your own mind or by
interrupting the speaker?
b. Sometimes d. Yes
5. If you feel that it would take a lot of time and effort to understand
something, do you go out of your way to avoid hearing about it?
a. Seldom c. Often e. Dont know/unaware
b. Sometimes d. Very frequently
6. Do emotions interfere with your listening?

b. Sometimes d. Yes
27
Reproduced from 50 Activities for Diversity Training

by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers. HRD Press, 1994
7. Do you deliberately turn your thoughts to other subjects when you believe a
speaker will have nothing particularly interesting to say?
8. When someone is talking to you, do you try to make him/her think youre
paying attention when you are not?
9. When you are listening to someone, are you easily sidetracked by outside
distractions (people and events)?
10. Do you listen carefully to the opinions of others, though you may intend to
take exception to something later on?
11. When listening to someone who speaks with an accent, do you make a
greater effort to concentrate on what the person is saying?
12. When you are listening to someone speak, do you make a conscious effort to
make and keep eye contact with the speaker?
Scoring:
If most of your answers were a, or b, you probably possess the ability to concen-
trate and to recognize the speakers emotions. If most answers were c, d, or e, you
need to develop these characteristics more fully.
28
Introduction to Listening: A Self-Inventory
Reproduced from 50 Activities for Diversity Training

by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers. HRD Press, 1994
29
III
UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT
Tug of War or Peace
1520 minutes
PURPOSE:
To see the extent that individuals will go in holding on to a position.
EQUIPMENT: Enough pieces of fairly strong rope (each about 3-feet long) based
on the number of pairs into which the group can be divided.
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Divide participants into pairs of the same gender, giving each pair one section
of rope.
2. Explain that the goal of this activity is to set up a tug of war, with each
member of the pair taking one end of the rope and pulling as hard as possible.
Let the pairs determine who gives up and when.
3. Reconvene and discuss the following questions:
How long were you willing to keep pulling? Would it have made any
difference if there had been a prize for the winner?
What precipitated the decision to let go?
Who decided to quit first, and why?
How did that affect the other person?
Explain how you can relate this experience to disputes at work.
DEBRIEF:
This activity represents conflict in microcosm: there is a winner and a loser. How
hard a person strives to maintain a position depends on many factors. Basically,
its often difficult for a person to give in. In some cases, people keep pulling as
long as they feel safe. Perhaps they believe that holding on to their position may
result in a reward or benefit.
On the other hand, ones natural style (such as the tendency to avoid conflict)
will influence the decision to hold on or to let go of a position. Try observing
tugs of war at work.
33
Red Flags
3040 minutes
PURPOSE:
To give participants an opportunity to examine phrases that often create or
escalate conflict.
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Introduce the activity by telling the participants they are going to look at
counterproductive words and phrases that often create or escalate conflict
that is, the words and phrases that send up a red flag or make you see red.
2. Pair up participants and ask each pair to come up with phrases that often
appear in conflicts (sending up a red flag), either causing or escalating
conflict. Give examples such as You always, Your problem is, Dont
tell me what Im thinking, etc. Tell participants you will time them, and then
see which pair comes in with the most phrases in 5 minutes.
3. At the end of the time, have people call out the words or phrases they came up
with. Discuss what the red flags were and write them on the flipchart.
4. Then ask the pairs to work together again, this time to identify words or
phrases they think can help avoid conflict or reduce it. Allow 5 minutes.
5. At the end of the 5 minutes, have participants call out their new words or
phrases and write them on the flipchart.
DEBRIEF:
Discuss the impact of language on conflict. Ask questions such as:
Have you been in a conflict where words or phrases from the first group
were used? How did you feel? What effect did this have on the resolution
of the conflict?
What happens when you hear words and phrases like those in the second
group?
Which of the two assignments was easier?
35
Benefits and Barriers: Exploring
Third-Party Intervention
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
To explore the advantages and disadvantages of using a third party to help in
resolving a conflict.
MATERIALS: Pencils and paper
PROCEDURE:
1. Briefly discuss what constitutes third-party intervention, including
nonprofessional or professional neutrals such as mediators, nonbinding
arbitrators, church leaders, counselors, etc.
2. Discuss which conflict situations are likely to call for a third-party
intervention. Examples could be the unwillingness of involved parties to
change, cultural differences, legal requirements, etc.
3. Explain that it is important to first look at the benefits and the barriers to
bringing in an outside or neutral party before engaging one.
4. Divide the participants into two groups and ask each to appoint a reporter.
5. Instruct one group to discuss and write down the benefits they might find
when a third party enters the process. Tell the other group to discuss and
write down the barriers they might find when a third party enters the process.
6. Reconvene and have the two reporters call out their respective lists of pros
and cons of third-party intervention. Write the responses on a flipchart under
two headings: Benefits and Barriers.
7. Lead a discussion of the effect of these third-party benefits and barriers on
various aspects of conflict resolution.
DEBRIEF:
Individuals many times give up on resolving conflict before even considering
the use of an outside neutral party to help. While third-party intervention can be
very helpful, it is important to understand that it comes with barriers that must
be overcome.
37
TRAINERS GUIDE:
If the participants have difficulty thinking of specific benefits and barriers of
third-party intervention, the trainer may suggest some possibilities from the
following lists to spark their imagination.
Barriers
Cost, depending on the professional and the length of the case

Difficulty in locating a qualified but neutral party
Neutral party cannot take sides, or may have his or her own agenda
Possibility that a strong neutral party may overstructure the process
Neutral party cannot be someone likely to lose patience
Benefits
Cost normally much less than litigation

Neutral person can keep the process on track
Neutral party brings a fresh perspective to the conflict
Neutral party can be a go-between for contesting parties who are loath to face
each other or consider compromise
Decisions are made by both sides, not by the third-party
38
Mismatched? Are You
Reading the Nonverbal Clues?
3040 minutes
PURPOSE:
To allow participants to experience the significance of nonverbal behavior (body
language) and explore its relationship to an understanding of the other side.
EQUIPMENT: Either an overhead projector or flipchart
MATERIALS: Previously-prepared Instruction Slips (see Trainers Notes). Master

for Transparency: Four Principles in Communicating
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain to the group that nonverbal behavior constantly delivers communi-
cation messages. Consequently, the more one knows about the impact of
nonverbal communication on conflict, the more successful the resolution
can be.
2. Tell the group that there will be a role play and that you will be passing out
instructions. Pair up the participants.
3. Hand out a single randomly chosen instruction slip to one member of each
pair, warning the recipient not to share the instructions with his or her
partner. Ask the selected partner to read his or her instruction slip silently.
4. Tell all the pairs to choose ordinary topics (traffic congestion, a controversial
movie, favorite TV show, etc.). Begin a discussion. [Important: The partner
with the instruction slip must follow his or her instructions.] Call a halt after
allowing about 5 minutes for the role play.
5. Ask the participants who did not receive instruction slips to guess the specific
nonverbal behavior their partners were exhibiting.
6. Reconvene and discuss the following questions:
What happened?
How many people correctly guessed the nonverbal behavior the partner
with the instruction slips was exhibiting?
What specific nonverbal behaviors did the partner use?
How did both partners feel?
How do you think nonverbal communication impacts conflict situations?
7. Summarize by using Principles in Communicating either as a transparency or
on a flipchart.
39
DEBRIEF:
Communication is not always easy, because we listen and respond to others
based on our feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and values. What we say orally is only
a small part of communication. Neurolinguistic researchers have found that the
person receiving the message you are sending interprets about 65 percent of that
message through nonverbal communication. What that means is that the words
you use and your tone of voice are not as significant as the nonverbal signals you
are sending when you convey a message.
While we can choose our words, often our nonverbal behavior is largely
unconscious. In any situation we need to be aware that we are sending nonverbal
messages, but in conflict situations we must be even more diligent because our
feelings and attitudes influence the nonverbal messages we send and receive.
Note: Interpretation of body language varies around the world. This activity
focuses on a Western view.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Make enough copies of the following instruction slips, cut to a convenient size.
A. You are disinterested. Pay no attention to what your partner is saying. Look
around, check your watch, yawn, and use other nonverbal behaviors that
indicate lack of interest. Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a
situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.
B. You are angry. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know you
are angry. Do what is natural for you, but some ideas might include: tongue
in cheek, downward frown, shaking head side-to-side in disbelief. Think of
a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.
C. You are excited. Let your partner know this nonverbally. Some examples
might include: nodding head, waving arms, clapping, jumping up and down.
Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a situation where you felt this
way and recall your feelings.
D. You are sad. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know that
you are down. Perhaps you are holding your head in your hands, averting
eyes downward, crying. Do what comes naturally. Think of a situation where
you felt this way and recall your feelings.
40
Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues?
FOUR PRINCIPLES
OF
COMMUNICATION
Everyone communicates verbally

and nonverbally, consciously and
unconsciously.
Every individual is a product of his or
her own culture.
All communication is culture-bound.
There are numerous communication
styles within racial, gender, and ethnic
groups.
41
Constructive or Destructive
Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned
45 minutes
PURPOSE:
To determine how some conflict can be constructive, rather than destructive.
PROCEDURE:
1. Pair up participants and ask them to discuss and write down the aspects of
conflict that they see as destructive. (Examples: Destroys relationships or
Increases stress level, etc.) Allow 510 minutes.
2. Have the pairs reconvene, ask for their comments, and list them on the
flipchart under the heading of Destructive Conflicts. (If people need help,
you can find additional suggestions under Trainers Notes.)
3. Then allow about 510 minutes for the paired participants to repeat the
above process, this time discussing and writing down the aspects of conflict
that they see as constructive. Repeat as above, listing on the flipchart the
results of their work under the heading of Constructive Conflict. (There are
additional constructive conflict suggestions under Trainers Notes.)
4. Reconvene the group and lead a discussion on the destructive and constructive
elements of conflict, asking questions such as:
Which was easier to discuss and why?

What surprises did you find when the entire group reported out?
How do you think most people at work feel about conflict?
What are the lessons you learned from this activity?
DEBRIEF:
It is important to see conflict as contributing to personal growth. Evaluating
both destructive and constructive conflict can lead one to recognize the
advantages
of a win-win solution. It is significant that a win-win solution diminishes the
destructive impact of conflict and offers a positive force for the organization as
well as for the individual.
43
TRAINERS NOTES:
If the participants have difficulty thinking of specific destructive and/or
constructive aspects, here are some examples:
Conflict is destructive when:
one person has to give in too much (win-lose)
the dispute hurts a relationship
there is no agreement reached
there are uncontrolled emotions, anger, and raised voices
the conflict prevents or stops people from working
Conflict is constructive when it:

leads to resolution
builds a strong relationship with improved communication
opens people up to new ideas
leads to a win-win resolution
develops common goals
clarifies a problem situation and leads to positive change
44
IV
VALUES AND PERCEPTIONS

Gaining a Different
Perspective
1520 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants realize that in a conflict situation they may have to change
their position in order to see things from a different perspective.
EQUIPMENT: None
MATERIALS:
Enough picture cards and envelopes so that when the group is divided into pairs,
each pair has one card and an envelope.
PROCEDURE:
1. Have the participants count off as As and Bs, and ask the As to come forward
to collect envelopes with instruction slips (see Trainers Notes).
2. Ask each A to select a B, and pair up in a place where they can quietly talk,
standing face-to-face. Give the As a few seconds to look over the instructions
before they say anything to their partners, and then have them wait for a
signal to begin.
3. Give the signal to begin, and then allow a minute or two for participants to
follow the instructions and discuss what each person saw.
4. After participants have moved to see the other side of the card, have the group
reconvene and ask the following questions:
What gets in the way of seeing different perspectives?
What might be helpful ways to gain different perspectives?
What is at stake when learning about a different perspective?
DEBRIEF:
This activity reminds us that people often do not see both sides of a conflict in
the same way. It sometimes takes moving from one position to another to
understand someone elses point of view.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Its a good idea to begin with a deck of cards that has an unusual pattern on the
back. Prepare in advance slips of paper that read as follows:
At the start signal, stand up and hold up your card with its face toward you,
not letting your partner see your side of the card.
Ask the other member of the pair to describe what he or she sees. Explain that
you do not see the same thing and suggest that in order for your partner to
see what you see, he or she can come and look over your shoulder.
47
Assumptions: Who Needs Em?
10 minutes
Purpose:
To be aware of how the assumptions we make about a person may prove to be a
disadvantage.
PROCEDURE:
1. Ask participants to choose a partner they do not know.
2. Once the partners have been chosen, instruct them to remain silent.
3. Tell them to write down what they believe to be true about their partners. In
other words, they will be guessing such factors as occupation, place of birth,
education level, ethnicity, family, etc. Again remind them that they are not
permitted to speak.
4. Allow about 3 minutes, and then instruct all participants to stop.
5. Reconvene and ask the following questions:

Was anyone correct about most of the assumptions they made?
How easy or difficult was this exercise?
How did you make your guesses?
How do assumptions about others influence conflict resolution?
DEBRIEF:
Making assumptions is something most of us do from time to time. Although its
possible that our assumptions are correct, quite often they are flawed. Carried to
an extreme, unverified assumptions can escalate and put the entire resolution
process on a slippery slope. Remember, your partner may also be making
assumptions about you, and these may be just as invalid as your assumptions
about him or her. Collecting the data, checking out the assumptions, and
reevaluating first impressions are important steps in any conflict situation.
49
The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It?
45 minutes
PURPOSE:
To acknowledge different perspectives and learn to find creative solutions for all
parties involved in a conflict situation.
MATERIALS: Pencils and paper; handout: Little Red Riding Hood and the Big
Bad Wolf
PROCEDURE:
1. Review the story of the Big Bad Wolf, using the handout.
2. Discuss why we might use this story to talk about conflict.
3. Divide participants into four groups. Assign the role of Little Red Riding
Hood to Group 1, Grandma to Group 2, the Big Bad Wolf to Group 3, and
the Hunter to Group 4. Have each group select a Reporter.
4. Tell each group to discuss the reasons its character behaved in the way the
story said.
5. Allow about 10 minutes. If a flipchart is available, have the Reporters list the
reasons their groups came up with. Otherwise, have the Reporters call out the
reasons.
6. Now instruct each group to write a letter that defines a peaceful solution
to this story, one in which every character feels they win. Allow about
10 minutes.
7. Ask each group to read their letter aloud to the other characters.
8. Lead a discussion with the following questions:

What was easy or difficult about this activity?
What was required to come up with a peaceful solution to this story, one
in which all the characters feel they win? [Allow about 10 minutes for this
question.]
How does this relate to real work experiences?
51
DEBRIEF:
This childrens story is a metaphor for many life experiences. Up to a point, all
the characters do what is only natural for themselves. The original version,
wherein the Hunter kills the Wolf, represents the way in which many real life
disputes end (unresolved), and perhaps even violently. The challenge is to see the
characters in a new light and recognize that there are other points of view. The
task is to find a rational way to have the parties resolve the potential conflict in
an original and creative manner.
52
The Big Bad Wolf: Or Is It?
Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf

Most of you know the story of the little girl who goes into the woods to take her
sick grandmother a basket of goodies. Most of you have heard the ending, which
is boldly stated, and the wolf was shot by the hunter!!!
We all know it from the point of view of Little Red Riding Hood. Yet because this
activity is to help gain an understanding of different points of view, we are going
to look at this story from the points of view of all the characters.
Little Red Riding Hood went to visit her sick grandmother to take her some
food. Along the way she met a wolf, who found out what she was doing and
where she was going. Then he made some decisions of his own.
The wolf reached Grandmas house before Little Red Riding Hood arrived
and tied up Grandma and put her in the closet. He then disguised himself as
Grandma, got into her bed, and devised a plan to eat both Red Riding Hood
and Grandma.
When Little Red Riding Hood arrived and saw what she thought was Grandma,
she made comments about the big eyes, big ears, and big teeth. The wolf as
Grandma answered with the famous words: Better to see you with, my dear,
instead of Better to hear you with, my dear. He then jumped up and exclaimed,
Better to eat you with, my dear, and prepared to attack Little Red Riding
Hood. At that time, a hunter passing by heard the screams of Little Red Riding
Hood and rushed to her rescue. He shot the wolf and they lived happily ever
after.
Sometimes children learn this story with a contrived, but nonviolent ending.
Your groups assignment is to examine the situation from the perspective of

your character and then write an original, rational ending to the story. You
must conclude with a win-win-win-win situation.
53
Portrait of a Peacemaker
40 minutes
PURPOSE:
To examine the qualities of peacemakers, who avoid violence in favor of
resolving conflicts through peaceful means.
MATERIALS: Pencils, paper; Handout: Comparison of Users of Violence with

Non-Users of Violence
PROCEDURE:
1. This activity is about Peacemakers, defined in Websters New World
Dictionary as persons who make peace by settling the disagreements of
others.
2. Pass out the handout and ask participants to list in the left-hand column
several well-known figures who used violence to resolve conflict situations.
In the right-hand column, list other well-known people who used nonviolent
means.
3. Pair up participants and ask them to compare their lists and discuss their
selections. Then ask them to write down the qualities they see shared by the
various peacemakers.
4. After several minutes, reconvene the group and ask them to report on their
discussions. Use the flipchart to record the names of the people they selected,
and also the overall qualities they found common to the various peacemakers.
5. Ask participants to return to their partners and then join up with another
pair, forming groups of four. Perhaps the best way to explain their task is to
tell them to look for the person most likely to receive The Peacemaker of the
Century award (as if there is such an award). The assignment is to review
the flipchart responses and select the one person they feel most worthy to
represent the finest example of a Peacemaker.
6. Have the groups report out and lead a discussion using questions such as the
following:
In the beginning of the activity, was it easier to think of those who are or
were known to use violence, or to think of the peacemakers?
What does that tell you about our society in general?
How might any course of events have been changed if those who promoted
violence had applied the same qualities and skills used by peacemakers?
55
DEBRIEF:
Everyday we learn about leaders and conflict. This activity gives us a chance to
look beyond the workplace and immediate conflict situations and explore the
qualities of successful peacemakers.
This topic is a complex one, and we have only touched the surface by discussing
the peacemakers and their qualities. It is important to recognize that in many
conflict situations, violence-prone parties often have a personal agenda in which
power is more important than resolution. Therefore, focus on peacemakers and
peacemaker characteristics in general, and learn as much as you can from them.
56
Portrait of a Peacemaker
Handout
Comparison of Users of Violence to Non-Users of Violence
People known for their use of People known for making peace
violence without the use of violence
57
V
RESOLVING CONFLICT SITUATIONS

What Kind of
Question Is That?
3040 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants learn about yes-no and open-ended questions, and
practice how to ask the best questions when trying to resolve a conflict
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain to the group that one of the main factors in resolving a conflict is
communication. There are many kinds of communication skills, and this
activity deals with one of the most important: Questioning. Tell the
participants they will have an opportunity to practice asking questions, but
before they do, ask them to call out their ideas of various types of questions.
2. Acknowledge all the answers as valid. Ask the participants which types
of questions they think are most important. (The objective is to lead into
the concepts of yes-no and open-ended questions.) If the participants
did not bring up these two concepts, point out that in conflict resolution,
these are often the key questions.
3. Discuss with the participants phrasing differences in each of the two key
question types. Ask for examples of each type and record the responses
on the flipchart in one of two columns headed Yes-No and Open-Ended.
(See Trainers Notes for examples.)
4. Pair up participants and instruct them as follows:
You will now be dealing with a discussion topic. Pairs may select a topic of
their own or choose from the suggested topics on the flipchart. [See Trainers
Notes.] At the signal to begin, one partner will ask only yes-no questions on
the chosen topic, and the other will reply. At the next signal, the partners will
reverse roles, but the questions will be open-ended.
5. Make sure the participants understand the instructions. Give the start signal
for the first set of questions (yes-no), allowing 3 or 4 minutes. Call time,
wait a few moments, then give the signal for the second set of questions
(open-ended), again allowing 3 or 4 minutes. Call time and reconvene the
61
group.
6. Lead a discussion comparing the information that was brought out with both
types of questions, as follows:
How did you feel when you were asked the yes-no questions?
What about the open-ended questions?
Which of the two types of questions is easier to make up?
Which was the easier to answer?
DEBRIEF:
There are times when yes-no questions are effective, such as when you are looking
for a quick answer, either agreement or disagreement. However, for the most part,
yes-no questions provide very little information. If you are looking to gain
greater insight or explore details in-depth, the open-ended questions will produce
better results.
TRAINERS NOTES:
(FLIPCHART) EXAMPLES OF KEY QUESTIONS
Yes-No Open-Ended
Do you have an opinion on . . .? What is your opinion on . . .?

Did you give permission to . . .? Tell me about what happened.
Did you follow instructions? Describe the instructions.
(FLIPCHART) SUGGESTED DISCUSSION TOPICS
Medium and large-size companies should be required to offer day care

programs for their employees.
The speed limit should be raised to 80 mph on rural interstate highways.
All films and shows on TV should have a limit as to the number of
commercials.
The standard work week in the U.S. should be reduced from 40 hours to 32
hours.
OR
SELECT A TOPIC OF YOUR OWN.
62
Brainstorming:
The Case of the Stolen Account
40 minutes
PURPOSE:
To learn how brainstorming can be helpful in resolving conflict.
EQUIPMENT: 2 flipcharts
MATERIALS: Handout #1: The Case of the Stolen AccountFred

Handout #2: The Case of the Stolen AccountAl
PROCEDURE:
1. With the help of the participants, review brainstorming by writing the basic
elements on a flipchart. (Make sure all participants are familiar with the
process.)
2. Explain that participants will apply the brainstorming technique to a conflict

issue.
3. Divide participants into two groups, Fred and Al, and locate them as far
away from each other as possible. Appoint a recorder for each group.
4. Give each group copies of the appropriate handout (Fred or Al).
5. Ask participants to read the handout silently. At your signal, they should
start brainstorming, based on the information in the handout. The recorders
will record the brainstormed ideas from their respective groups.
6. Allow 10 minutes and then call time. Reconvene the full group and place the
two flipchart pages next to each other.
7. Lead the discussion by asking the group:
Are there any similarities in the ideas brainstormed by the two groups?
Any major differences?
Do you believe the ideas brainstormed by the two groups will lead to a
resolution? Why? Why not?
63
Handout #1
The Case of the Stolen AccountFred

You work for a medium-sized company that manufactures and sells highly
engineered industrial products. The company sells through six teams of sales
engineers, and you are a member of Freds team. The teams are assigned
geographical territories. Als team of sales engineers is similar to Freds, and
its territory is adjacent to Freds. The two teams have always gotten along well.
To encourage volume sales, the company has just begun an annual Achievers
Award program in which the six teams compete against each other in exceeding
their sales forecasts. The prize is a luxurious all-expenses-paid week in Hawaii
for the winning team and their families.
Als largest customer is Accelerated Technologies, which accounts for 25 percent

of his teams annual volume. One day, you field a call from a new group leader
at Accelerated who is unfamiliar with Fred or Alsomeone your company has
never dealt with. He has a hot new project that involves a major-volume
purchase of your companys high-margin product, but the product will require a
certain degree of reengineering.
Al would be the logical one to pass the call on to, but he is away on a medical
emergency (not life-threatening). No other member of Als team is available,
and the group leader demands immediate action or he will go to his second
source. You notify Fred of the opportunity and he agrees that the matter requires
immediate action. He gets on the phone with the group leader and works out a
satisfactory solution. Freds team does the reengineering and the big order comes
through, but from a new Accelerated office located in Freds territory.
Fred claims credit for the sale; its high dollar value suggests that his group will
win the Achievers Award. Al claims that Accelerated has always been his teams
account, and regardless of the circumstances, he should be credited with the sale.
Fred points out that the Accelerated office that placed the order is in his territory,
and anyhow, he and his team rescued the big order for the company. The V.P. of
Marketing rules that the two teams should resolve the matter themselves.
At the given signal, you and your fellow team members must brainstorm the
issues and suggest a resolution to the conflict between the two teams.
64
Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account
Handout #2
The Case of the Stolen AccountAl

You work for a medium-sized company that manufactures and sells highly
engineered industrial products. The company sells through six teams of sales
engineers, and you are a member of Als team. The teams are assigned geo-
graphical territories. Freds team of sales engineers is similar to Als, and its
territory is adjacent to Als. The two teams have always gotten along well.
To encourage volume sales, the company has just begun an annual Achievers
Award program in which the six teams compete against each other in exceeding
their sales forecasts. The prize is a luxurious all-expenses-paid week in Hawaii
for the winning team and their families.
Als largest customer is Accelerated Technologies, which accounts for 25 percent

of his teams annual volume. One day, you take a call from a new group leader
at Accelerated who is unfamiliar with Fred or Alsomeone your company has
never dealt with. He has a hot new project that involves a large volume buy of
your companys high margin product, but it will require a certain degree of
reengineering.
Al would be the logical one to pass the call on to, but he is away on a medical
emergency (not life-threatening). Neither you nor other members of Als team
have the authority or expertise to handle the situation, but the group leader
demands immediate action or he will go to his second source. You decide to
notify Fred of the opportunity, and he agrees that the matter requires immediate
action. He gets on the phone with the group leader and works out a satisfactory
solution. Freds team does the reengineering and the big order comes through, but
from a new Accelerated office located in Freds territory.
Fred claims credit for the sale; its high dollar value suggests that his group will
win the Achievers Award. Al claims that Accelerated has always been his teams
account and regardless of the circumstances, he should be credited with the sale.
Fred points out that the Accelerated office that placed the order is in his territory,
and anyhow, he and his team rescued the big order for the company. The V.P. of
Marketing rules that the two teams should resolve the matter themselves.
At the given signal, you and your fellow team members must brainstorm the
issues and suggest a resolution to the conflict between the two teams.
65
Resistance. . .Options
to the Rescue!
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
1. To show participants how to recognize and understand resistance situations
2. To deal with resistance situations by offering options
MATERIALS: Handout #1: Wayne Got the Promotion

Handout #2: Charlie Came in Second
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain that this activity is useful in learning to recognize resistance and
overcome it by offering options.
2. Point out that when someone is faced with disagreeable situations such as
unpleasant work assignments, reduction in status, loss of perquisites, etc., he
or she quite often shows emotions in body language, which we recognize as
resistance-indicators.
3. Have the participants suggest typical resistance-indicators and list them on
the flipchart. Examples would be rolling of eyes (or loss of eye contact), raised
voice, perspiration, artificial half-smile, etc. Point out that body language
indicators are clear signals that resistance is present, and appropriate
strategies such as suggesting alternatives ought to be employed.
4. Tell the group that the second part of this activity addresses options. Pair up
the participants and explain that one partner will become Wayne and the
other Charlie. Give the respective handouts to the appropriate parties and ask
the participants not to share them.
5. Ask participants to follow the instructions on their handouts and engage
in a dialogue as directed. (The participants are encouraged to add creative
comments, as long as they stay within the characters and motivations they
have been assigned.)
6. For example, one option could be that Wayne will have Charlie set up an
informal sub-team within the graphics department, which would actively
seek and carry out more special projects and thus give Charlie a stronger
role in the department.
7. Allow about 10 minutes and then instruct all participants to stop.
67
8. Reconvene and have each pair report out on the options they developed. Lead
a discussion addressing the following questions:
Were the suggested options practical, and did they meet the core objectives
of both Wayne and Charlie?
After the activity was over, was there less resistance than at the
beginning? More resistance?
If more resistance, what could have been done to make certain that
resistance was not increased but lessened?
DEBRIEF:
In exploring options, both parties should first analyze how each is affected by
a change in circumstances, in this case the original departmental reorganization.
The interests of each party should be examined so that both individuals work
toward gaining satisfaction from mutually acceptable options. Practical options
need to be explored and the pros and cons examined. Finally, after an option is
selected, the resulting action steps should be clearly understood, reviewing what
each party will do to make the new arrangement work.
68
Resistance. . .Options to the Rescue!
Handout #1
Wayne Got the Promotion

You are Wayne and for five years you have headed a six-person graphics
department. Also for five years, Charlie has headed another six-person
graphics department that services different kinds of clients. You and Charlie
are considered peer managers.
Today, you invite Charlie into your office and explain that the company will be
undertaking a major reorganization. The boss has decided that there is no need to
maintain two graphics departments, so Charlies department will be merged into
yours. The combined department will report to you as Director of Graphics, and
Charlie will be the Assistant Director of Graphics. Three artists will be laid off,
and Charlie will divide his time between administrative duties and working at
the board on special projects.
Charlie is astonished, hurt, and resistant. You remain calm and suggest that
together you will look at alternative options. However, your unspoken core
objective is that you must retain the key elements of your power base. (There
will be no mention of salary.)
69
Handout #2
Charlie Came in Second

You are Charlie and for five years you have headed a six-person graphics
department. Also for five years, Wayne has headed another six-person
graphics department that services different kinds of clients. You and Charlie
are considered peer managers.
Today, Wayne invites you into his office and explains that the company will be
undertaking a major reorganization. The boss has decided that there is no need
to maintain two graphics departments, so your department will be merged into
Waynes. The combined department will report to Wayne as Director of Graphics,
and you will be the Assistant Director of Graphics. Three artists will be laid off,
and you are supposed to divide your time between administrative duties and
working at the board on special projects.
You are astonished, hurt, and resistant. You recover and agree to consider other
options. Your core objective is to protect the advances you have made in your
career and to continue your advancement. (There will be no mention of salary.)
70
Listening for the Other Persons
Point of View: Paraphrasing
20 minutes
PURPOSE:
To emphasize the importance of listening to the other side in a conflict and
initially responding by using the valuable skill of paraphrasing.
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Ask participants to review what they already know about listening and ask
for comments as to why listening is important in conflict resolution. Show
the prepared flipchart, Listening for Point of View (see Trainers Notes).
2. Discuss how effective listening requires active participation on the part

of the listenerthe use of such techniques as positive body language and
meaningful questions and behaviors that encourage the speaker to continue
(such as responding with Uh huh, nodding, or using positive voice tones).
3. In addition, one of the most important skills in listening is paraphrasing,

defined as stating in different words what someone has said without
losing the essential meaning of the original. Paraphrasing is not parroting
or repeating word-for-word what the speaker said. And paraphrasing calls
for careful listening from the start if one is to use paraphrasing to help
understand the other persons point of view.
4. Pair the participants and ask each pair to suggest two or three advantages
of paraphrasing. If the participants need help getting started, toss in ideas
like, It helps the other person feel listened to, It encourages the speaker
to expand on what he or she is saying, and It lets you check your under-
standing before you react to what was said. Have the pairs report out.
5. Show the prepared flipchart, Five Criteria for Successful Paraphrasing

(see Trainers Notes).
71
6. Describe a conflict situation youve experiencedsomething important to

youor ask a volunteer to describe one. Instruct the participants to listen
and write what they would say to demonstrate their understanding of your
original statementthat is, to paraphrase your statement. Using the five
criteria on the flipchart, tell them to write as if they are individually talking
directly to you. After the written responses are completed, ask the
participants to discuss among themselves their respective paraphrasing.
7. Ask for examples of what the participants wrote and hold a discussion about
paraphrasing with the full group.
DEBRIEF:
The ability to paraphrase is a skill that can be learned, and it is extremely helpful
in resolving conflict. Paraphrasing what was heard helps both parties in conflict
and shows that we are listening carefully to what is being said. It also creates an
opportunity to hear again what has been stated, and it is a chance for the speaker
to correct any impressions that may be incorrect.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Prepare flipchart entitled Listening for Point of View
We listen for content in the form of the main idea of what a person is
saying.
We also listen for the feelings expressed by the other person.
We are listening for the persons values or the ideas that are important
to him or her.
Prepare second flipchart entitled Five Criteria for Successful Paraphrasing
Be interchangeable (neither adding to, nor subtracting from, what

was said).
Be brief.
Be original in your own words.
Convey neither approval nor disapproval.
Begin with phrases that verify your understanding of what has been
said and how the other party feels.
72
Third-Party Mediation
3050 minutes
PURPOSE:
To explore third party mediation as an alternative course of action in conflict
resolution; to learn the stages of mediation and how to practice them.
MATERIALS: Handout #1: Model Depicting Stages of Mediation

Handout #2: Scenarios for Mediation Role Play
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain that this activity will review the process of mediation and help
participants understand the advantage of using mediation to reach an
agreement when dealing with workplace disputes. A model and an
opportunity to practice specific mediation situations will be offered.
2. Ask participants to think of a time when they were involved in a difficult
workplace conflict when a mediator could have been used to help them.
Pair participants and have them discuss some real-life situations in which
a mediator might have been helpful, or perhaps some examples where a
mediator was used. Allow about 5 minutes.
3. Reconvene and, as a group, exchange ideas about the impact of a neutral
third-party mediator in helping resolve conflict situations.
4. Present a lecturette explaining that mediation is a process in which
disputants meet with a third party and jointly explore the conflict situation.
The role of the mediator (often a manager or senior adviser) is to listen
carefully to both sides, help identify the underlying issues, and lead the
disputants into exploring possible options for resolution. The significance of
mediation is that it is a win-win situation. With mediation, the outcome is
entirely in the hands of the people who are in dispute. (It is truly remarkable
how people can cooperate when they realize that they have the power to
resolve their problems themselves.)
5. Distribute Handout #1 and review the model depicting the stages of mediation
with the group.
6. Now that the participants have looked at the four stages, explain that they
will have a chance to discuss and role-play two conflict scenarios. Arrange
the participants in groups of three and explain that one person will be the
mediator, and the other two will be the disputants.
73
7. Distribute Scenarios for Mediation Role Plays, making sure none of the
three in each group see each others slips of paper. Explain that the goal
is to come to an agreement to resolve the conflict by having the mediator
conduct the session using the stages outlined in the model handout. Allow
about 10 minutes.
8. Reconvene and ask the group to discuss how they feel about the concept of
mediation and the roles they played.
Were the rules easy or difficult?
In what ways can mediation help in workplace conflict?
DEBRIEF:
The strength of mediation is its ability to promote a new way of communi-
cating that shows respect for individuality and encourages understanding and
participation in the final resolution of a conflict. Mediators enable disputing
parties to interact with one another in a nonthreatening environment. Because
mediation encourages equal input on the part of the disputants, they understand
that the agreements are mutual and therefore easier to keep than if they had
simply been decreed by someone else.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Options: The groups can be given either one or both scenarios, or the two different
scenarios can be divided between the groups. Time permitting, participants can
change roles, taking turns being the mediator.
74
Handout #1
Model Depicting Stages of Mediation
Agreement/
Conclusion Opening
Exchange/ Information
Negotiaton Sharing
****************************************************
*****
OPENINGMake the appropriate introductions, explain the mediation process,

and ask for the cooperation of all parties.
INFORMATION SHARINGHave each person speak openly to you, explaining

the situation from his or her perspective. Summarize what has been said to make
sure that you understand each persons position.
EXCHANGE & NEGOTIATIONInstruct each person to speak directly to the

other party or parties. Guide them to begin by talking about some common goal
or shared positive experience. Then lead the disputants into talking about their
true feelings and discussing the actual issues of the dispute.
To make the transition to an agreement, have the disputants brainstorm all

possible options for an agreement.
CLOSINGSummarize what has happened and together write an agreement,

reminding the disputants of the good-faith aspects of the agreement. Arrange a
follow-up meeting to check on progress and acknowledge successes.
75
Handout #2
SCENARIOS FOR MEDIATION ROLE PLAYS

Prepare for the role play by copying the handout and cutting it into strips along
the lines provided.
Scenario A
****************************************************
*****
MEDIATORS COPY
With no advance warning, Al and Sam come to work one morning and refuse
to speak to each other. This silence continues all day, and the departments work
effectively comes to a standstill. As manager, you feel that you must get this
matter resolved, and you call them both into your office to discuss the situation.
****************************************************
*****
ALS COPY
You have always been responsible for summarizing and completing the monthly
investigation reports covering workflow stoppages. Sam has been responsible
for taking your outline and notes and putting the report into a final presentation
form with graphics, slides, etc. You and Sam have always worked well together.
However, as you see it, in this months report, Sam has misrepresented your
conclusions and actually changed the content. In addition, Sam took more credit
for the report than was warranted. You spoke to Sam about this; he denied it and
is no longer speaking to you.
****************************************************
*****
SAMS COPY
You have always been responsible for taking Als notes and outline and putting
his monthly work stoppage report together in a final presentation form with
graphics, slides, etc. You and Al have always worked well together, but this
month you believe that Al omitted some vital data and you had to cover for him.
He claims that the changes you made were inappropriate and also that you gave
yourself more credit than you deserved. Neither of you is speaking to the other,
and the department is suffering.
****************************************************
*****
76
Handout #2
Scenario B
****************************************************
*****
MEDIATORS COPY
You are the program director of a nonprofit agency that is in dire need of funds.
Your fund-raising campaign cannot proceed because two of your decision makers,
Ann and Agatha (who must work together), strongly disagree on what approach
to use. No one seems to be able to break the deadlock. You are unsure what their
differences actually are. They each take distinctly different sides on how the
fundraising campaign project should proceed. Neither party is willing
to give in, even though you have informally talked to them, emphasizing how
important it is to get the project moving. You call them into your office to deal
with this situation so that your agency can proceed with the campaign.
****************************************************
*****
ANNS COPY
You work for a nonprofit agency and it is fundraising time. You strongly believe
that funds should be raised through new and fresh programs and that you should
be writing grants. You do not feel that you should go after money by begging and
using a tin cup approach with annoying gimmicks. You feel your organization
can accomplish its goals with dignity and style. You firmly insist that this is the
right time to make a change.
****************************************************
*****
AGATHAS COPY
You personally believe that the traditional ways of fundraising for your non-
profit agency have been effective in the past and should continue rather than be
changed. You feel that people are comfortable with the old way and really want
to help out. You believe that aggressive pushing for contributions in spite of it
being a minor annoyance will still persuade the public to donate generously.
You insist on continuing as you have in the past by repeatedly requesting money
through ads, letters, phone calls, etc. You feel strongly enough to argue the point
vigorously.
****************************************************
*****
77
Formulating Clear Agreements
3040 minutes
PURPOSE:
To provide participants with an opportunity to understand the importance
of formulating clear agreements as the final step in resolving conflict. The
participants will also observe what goes into making practical agreements,
and gain practice developing them through role play.
MATERIALS: None
PROCEDURE:
1. Begin by sharing the following: The last step in resolving conflict is for the
disputants to agree on what actions are to be taken, and to be sure that each
understands what the mutual expectations are. It is important that both
parties participate equally in the discussion, and that the content of the
agreement represents the best resolution attainable by the parties themselves.
2. Ask participants to think about phrases they have heard when a particular
agreement is not clear and discuss what happens when expectations arent
fully met. Give examples such as:
Although we agreed I would get it done, you didnt say how you wanted
it done. Now that Im finished, you tell me how I should have done it.
I wasnt told why we werent accepting returns without a receipt, so
when customers ask why, how do I know what to say?
We never discussed your timeline for completing this project, so I didnt
think it was urgent.
3. Explain that these are the kinds of statements often heard when no agreement
has been proposed, or if an agreement exists, it is not clear. There may be
unspoken presumptions that have not been mentioned by one or both parties.
4. Tell participants that in order to reach a clear agreement, there are five key
questions to be considered. Each begins with W and can become the basis
for formulating a clear agreement. Write on a flipchart the following Ws:
What?
Who?
When?
What If?
Whats Next?
79
5. Tell participants that they will have an opportunity to practice making a

clear agreement using the five Ws, and instruct them to pair up for role
play.
6. Share the following scenario:
Paul and Steve agreed to purchase a fishing boat together. A month went by
and they had not purchased it. Paul was getting anxious because he wanted
to use it this season. One Saturday, Paul and his wife went to a tag sale and
saw a fishing boat for $300. He thought it was a good deal, so he ran over to
Steves house to tell him about it. Steve thought it was a bad idea to buy a
boat at a tag sale. The discussion escalated into a heated argument and was
becoming a major conflict. However, Paul realized they were getting no place
and remembered a training program at work in which agreement writing
was discussed. He explained it to Steve and they agreed to look at the 5 Ws
and jointly write an agreement to resolve the dispute.
7. Show the prepared flipchart (see Trainers Notes).
8. Instruct participants to discuss and then role-play the Paul-and-Steve

scenario, using the five Ws to set up the agreement. After they have role-
played the scenario, tell them to write down a short description of each of the
five Ws they used. Allow 10 minutes.
9. Reconvene and ask for examples of written agreements. Then lead a

discussion, asking the following questions:
How easy or difficult was it to formulate your agreement?
Did any additional conflict occur between you and your partner?
How can formulating clear agreements help resolve conflict?
DEBRIEF:
Closure is of paramount importance in a conflict-resolution situation. People
often think they have settled a conflict when they agree orally, but they may
not have closed the loop. A clear agreement will state in writing what has been
agreed to.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Prepare a flipchart in advance with the following points:
Paul and Steve agreed to purchase a fishing boat together.
A month went by but no purchase had been made.
Paul was getting anxious.
Paul saw a fishing boat for $300 at a tag sale.
Steve thought it was a bad idea to buy a boat at a tag sale.
The discussion escalated.
80
Curbside Conflict Resolution
30 minutes
PURPOSE:
To help participants learn how to quickly handle a minor conflict in which a
resolution is required, without getting into all the details. This calls for a prompt
solution, one they can work out on the run.
EQUIPMENT: Prepared flipchart
MATERIALS: Handout: Carpool Mini Case
PROCEDURE:
1. Explain to the group that this activity will give them the chance to look at
some comparatively easy steps that can lead to a quick resolution of a
conflict.
2. Show the participants the prepared flipchart (see Trainers Notes). Briefly
review the four steps to be sure everyone understands them.
3. Hand out the mini case and have everyone read it. Pair up the participants
and explain that the steps on the flipchart will be used as a guide in the
conflict resolution mini case.
4. The members of each pair will select the roles of Stan or Mason and open a
discussion. Based on the information supplied in the case description, each
disputant should use the five steps on the flipchart to carry out the dialogue.
Where lacking, they can create their own additional reasonable facts and
examples. The pair should work things out together and try to resolve the
conflict successfully.
5. Reconvene and have each pair report out the results of their discussion. The
following questions might be helpful:
How easy or difficult was this case? Explain the reasons for your answer.
What surprises did you find, if any?
Did you improvise any other steps of your own? If so, what were they?
Did you know exactly what you wanted from the other person and what
you were willing to do to get it?
List the occasions when this type of conflict resolution might be useful.
81
DEBRIEF:
Its important to remember that some conflicts can be resolved quickly and
easily, particularly if disputants are solution-oriented and not problem-oriented.
The five-step guide provided here should be helpful.
TRAINERS NOTES:
Write the following on a flipchart:
Five Step Guide that Can Lead to Quick Resolution of a Conflict

1. Gather all the necessary facts.
2. Back up all the assertions with examples.
3. Decide what you want from the other person.
4. Consider what you are willing to give.
5. Summarize the discussion and check for understanding and agreement.
82
Curbside Conflict Resolution
Handout
Carpool Mini Case

Stan and Mason work for the same company and have been carpooling for three
months. They have an understanding that Stan will pick up Mason and drive the
45 minutes it takes to get to work. Mason will pay Stan for his share of the gas
costs. One morning, as Mason gets into the car, he says, Stan, this is the third
time this month youve been late, and Im catching a lot of flack for not being
on time. This cant go on.
Stan replies, Im sorry, but I cant always make it exactly on time. As you know,
Im a single parent and every morning I have to get the kids washed, dressed, fed,
and off to school. Besides, my boss isnt bothered when Im occasionally late
because, when necessary, I make up the time during coffee breaks.
83
Table of ContentsPart 2
Independent Study
Introduction to: The Back of the Book . . . Self-Development ................................. 85
Early Takes on Conflict........................................................................................ 89
Exploring Sources of Conflict.............................................................................. 91
Self-Assessment in Dealing with Differences ................................................... 95
Analyzing a Conflict: Is It Worth Getting Into?.............................................. 97
II. Know Yourself

The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution ........................................................101
In the Heat of the Moment...................................................................................103
Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?.......................................................105
How to Deal with Hot Buttons ..........................................................................109

Resolving a Conflict through Planning .............................................................113
Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution ....................................115
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each .......................................117
Mediation: Test Your Knowledge .......................................................................121

Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills .....................................................127
First Thoughts about Others: Perception IQ Quiz ......................................129
The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That? ...............................................133

Uncovering the Hidden Agenda...........................................................................137
Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise...............................................................139
A Questionable Exercise.......................................................................................143
Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution..................................149
Supportive Listening: Whats Your Score? ........................................................151
Skills That Make a Difference .............................................................................153
Fact vs. Opinion ....................................................................................................155
Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours...............................................157
Turning Negatives into Positives .......................................................................159
Eight Different Points of View............................................................................161
85
Introduction to:
The Back of the Book . . .
Self-Development
This section of the book offers an individualized approach to learning about and
dealing with conflict.
As you approach the forthcoming exercises, take a moment to think about the
value of independent study and the importance of people taking responsibility
for their own learning.
While teachers and trainers are basic to many learning processes, there is still
room for individuals to contribute to their own learning by exploring their
personal insights and experiences.
It is important to recognize that positive learning takes place when an individual

is alone or completing a self-study worksheet. The results can enrich personal
growth, improve retention, and develop a sense of gratification.
From the learners point of view, self-instruction provides a broad range of tools
and methods to be used to good advantage. Self-development will enhance
management-development courses such as leadership, diversity training,
communication, interpersonal skills, and of course, conflict resolution.
As an independent learner, you will have a chance to work with assessment

instruments that focus on conflict-resolution styles and skills and readiness
analysis, and use reflective exercises. You will also have an opportunity to
assess where you stand on many other conflict issues.
Each exercise includes a description of the purpose of the exercise, an introduction

of the topic, and perhaps a worksheet with instructions. The exercise is concluded
with a summary. In some cases where there are questions asked, you will find an
explanation of the answers so that you can check them and recognize where you
have succeeded and where you need more work.
These exercises address a broad range of subjects on the topic of conflict resolu-
tion. They include ways to explore conflict from your personal point of view and
understand it in terms of values and perceptions. There are specific skills that can
be learned and put into practice to prevent conflict from escalating.
87
As explained in the beginning of the book, this section can be used in three ways:
As a stand-alone course with exercises that encourage participants to

take the initiative for their own learning,
As assigned homework or classwork to reinforce group activities on

conflict resolution,
As a basis for new workshops and group activities.
These exercises lend themselves to a process whereby you can develop a

long-term plan to deal with conflict. They will help you explore language
(both verbal and non-verbal) and also offer specific communication hints in
building relationships that will help you to move forward successfully in a
conflict situation.
The Back of the Books self-development exercises are grouped into the same five
categories as those in the front of the book. They are as follows:
II. Know Yourself
88
THE BACK OF THE BOOK: SELF-DEVELOPMENT
EXPLORING CONFLICT
Early Takes on Conflict
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To examine your own thoughts and feelings

about conflict and conflict resolution, and establish a baseline for your
perspective.
INTRODUCTION: The word conflict is used by many people and can mean
different things to each person. Lets start by understanding what it means to
you. We will define it and then explore factors that in the past may have shaped
your definition.
WORKSHEET
1. My definition of conflict is _____________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
2. Think of an early conflict in your life. Comment on the following:
Who was involved? ___________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
What were the reasons behind the conflict? _______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
What methods were used to resolve it? __________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. Now bring yourself to the present and think about some current conflict,
preferably in the workplace. Comment on that situation.
Who was involved? ___________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
What were the reasons behind the conflict ? ______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
91
What methods were used to resolve it? __________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Were these methods different than the earlier methods? If so, how? _________
_____________________________________________________________________
There are no right or wrong answers to the questions raised on the worksheet.
However, it is important to know how you feel about the subject of conflict. The
more you understand how it impacts you and your relationships, the better you
will be able to handle difficult situations in the future. You can learn to deal with
it in a positive way, especially in todays world where many people believe that
conflict is part of everyday life.
SUMMARY
To review your definition of conflict, check out the following two definitions:
1. Websters New World Dictionary gives as synonyms of conflict words like

fight, struggle, and contention, and defines it as a sharp disagreement or
opposition of interests, ideas, etc.
2. A different definition is found in a statement from psychologist Jean Baker

Millers book, Toward a New Psychology of Women. She says, Conflict is
the source of all growth and an absolute necessity if one is to be alive.
Attitudes about conflict are changing today. People view it as a natural part of
life, and increasingly believe that it allows both parties to learn from each other
and benefit in ways that have never been thought of before. Consequently, the
more you know about yourself and your experiences with conflict, the more
likely you are to develop effective resolution skills. The goal is to learn to use
constructive communication to resolve conflicts.
92
Exploring Sources of Conflict
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To uncover the sources of conflict and better

understand their effect on conflict situations.
INTRODUCTION: The sources of conflict play an integral role in the conflict

resolution process. Addressing them properly can lead to quicker resolution, and
in some cases even solve the problem.
WORKSHEET
Think about the reasons why a particular conflict might develop at work.
Perhaps it would be prompted by external factors over which you have no
control, such as inadequate supplies, difficult time constraints, or an overbearing
boss. It could be based on internal factors ingrained in your behavior, such as
your perceptions of a situation or the people involved, or a difference in values.
1. List all of the external factors you can think of that can cause conflict.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
2. List all of the internal factors that can contribute to conflict.

_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. List the behaviors of others that you find annoying enough to bring about
conflict.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
93
4. Now think about a real life conflict experience. Jot down your ideas of how
knowledge of the sources of conflict help in either avoiding or resolving a
difficult situation.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
SUGGESTED SOURCES OF CONFLICT

Your page might look much like the one below, and include some points that you
may not have thought of. Keep them handy for future reference!
1. List all of the external factors you can think of that cause conflict.
Lack of available personnel; poorly functioning equipment; inefficient

performance; time constraints; divergent goals; hostile work environments;
inadequate scheduling; over-limiting work rules; poorly crafted
institutional policies; unclear lines of authority; declines in business; lack of
capital for investment; costs out of control.
2. List all of the internal factors that contribute to conflict.
Incorrect assumptions; dissimilar values; poor work habits; biases;

prejudices against the unfamiliar; ingrained and early personal experiences;
unrealistic expectations; perceptions; personal uncertainties; inflexibility;
failure to assume responsibilities.
3. List the behaviors of others that you find annoying enough to bring about a
conflict.
Miscommunication; constant interruption; cursing; shouting; offensive

personal hygiene; clash of styles; inattentiveness; boorish behavior; over-
emotionalism; disrespect; judgmental comments; constant bragging;
repeated excuses.
94
Exploring Sources of Conflict
4. Now think about a real life conflict experience. Jot down your ideas of how
knowing the sources of conflict with help in either avoiding or resolving a
difficult situation.
For example, two businessmen are in conflict over an agreement involving

a significant amount of money. After considerable wrangling, the parties
discover that one man assumed a certain figure was before taxes and
the other after taxes. The source of the conflict was a clear case of mis-
communication; when this matter was addressed, the two parties were able
to reconcile their differences.
SUMMARY
This exercise has explored both external and internal factors that cause or
contribute to conflict. Understanding the sources of conflict will likely help
in resolving a specific conflict situation. The more you know about the back-
ground of a specific situation, the more likely you will help the disputants reach
a resolution.
95
Self-Assessment in
Dealing With Differences
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To assess ones own attitudes in dealing with
differences
INTRODUCTION: Every individual has a general worldview when it comes to
other people, and this affects the way they handle conflict.
For each of the pairs of statements below, check either A or B as most
representative of your experience.
1. A. ____ I have always worked with people like me.
B. ____ My work has required me to deal with diverse groups of people.
2. A. ____ I only know English, and believe it is up to limited-English speakers
to learn this language.
B. ____ Im interested in other languages and communicate easily with
limited-English speakers.
3. A. ____ I feel uncomfortable around people with disabilities.
B. ____ I reach out to people with disabilities because I am interested in
others.
4. A. ____ I go with my first impressions of people.
B. ____ I realize that first impressions are not enough to make a judgment.
5. ____ A. If someones name is very unfamiliar to me, I suggest that I call that
person by a nickname.
B. ____ When someones name is unfamiliar, I try to pronounce it correctly.
6. ____ A. I see nothing wrong with using words like girl, boy, or honey
when referring to my co-workers.
B. ____ Im aware that girl, boy, and honey might be offensive to some
people.
7. A. ____ I believe that people from backgrounds different from my own must
learn our ways quickly.
B. ____ I realize that different perspectives can contribute greatly to good
decision-making.
8. A. ____ I believe that differences make it harder for people to work together.
B. ____ Im willing to consider differences as positive contributions.
9. A. ____ I do not enjoy trying food or drinks that are unfamiliar.
B. ____ I am open to new food experiences.
10. A. ____ I am not comfortable being the only in a group.
B. ____ I am aware that it is difficult to be the only in a group, yet I find it
challenging.
COUNT THE NUMBER OF As AND Bs: Number of A replies _____

B replies _____
97
SUMMARY
You have just identified your general worldview. Obviously, this view affects
how you will deal with conflicts involving people who are different than you.
If most of your answers were A, you probably have an outlook that is ethno-
centric and believe that your culture is not only best for you, but also best for
most other people. This makes resolving disputes more difficult. Our goal is not
to change your values, but to give you some new insights and information about
communication that may help in resolving disagreements with people who are
different.
If most of your answers were B, your outlook is likely to be one that is flexible
and accepting of differences. We hope you will gain some additional
understanding and new skills from this book that will be helpful in dealing with
various complexities present in most disputes.
We hope that this self-inventory has given you some insight into your personal
preferences and personal comfort zone in dealing with people with different
cultures, backgrounds, attitudes, etc. This self-knowledge will probably influence
how you will behave or respond in a conflict situation. It should also help you to
understand the values and comfort levels of others who may be involved with
you in a conflict.
98
Analyzing a Conflict:
Is It Worth Getting Into?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To learn to analyze a conflict situation
and decide what the real issues are and whether or not the conflict is worth
working on.
INTRODUCTION: Often when a conflict arises, people deal with it on the spot
without giving much thought to the situation or the unintended, unexpected
consequences of the outcome.
WORKSHEET
Here is a way to help you examine a conflict by first thinking about how you feel
about it and then considering whether it is worth working on at all.
Answer the questions below, considering a conflict that you may be facing or one
that you are already engaged in. (You also may want to explore a past conflict for
this analysis. If so, change the questions to the past tense.)
1. Briefly describe the conflict. State what its about. _______________________

_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
2. Who is involved? _____________________________________________________
3. What is the relationship between the people involved ? ___________________
4. What are your feelings about this situation? _____________________________
5. What do you think the other person really wants? ________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
6. How do you think that person feels? ____________________________________
7. What do you think the real issues are? __________________________________
8. What do you think the other person thinks about that? ___________________
9. Describe in a few words what you said or did and what the other person said
or did. ______________________________________________________________
10. Consider the consequencesboth positive and negative. What do you see as
the outcome? ________________________________________________________
99
The last question to address is: Are the potential consequences in either
direction worth addressing?
SUMMARY
Professionals who work in the field of conflict resolution generally believe that
addressing a conflict in a positive and planned way will bring positive results.
This exercise gives you a chance to analyze a conflict and look at it from your
own as well as the other persons perspective. Questions like these can help you
decide how you want to proceed and whether the outcome is important enough
for you to spend the time and effort to resolve the situation. Good luck!
100
II
KNOW YOURSELF
The Role of Values
in Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore how individual differences in values
underlie the effect that culture has on creating and attempting to resolve conflict.
INTRODUCTION: Those people who are most effective in resolving conflict
across diversity lines know and understand their own beliefs and values. They
recognize that others may bring different sets of values and beliefs to the process.
WORKSHEET
Here is a way to examine values. Place an X on the continuum closest to your
personal beliefs.
Column A Continuum Column B

Informality is the way ...................... Formal behavior and dress
to go. are most important.
Communication should be ...................... Indirect communication is
direct. more effective.
Competition leads to success. ...................... Harmony brings better
results.
Time-sense is extremely ...................... Promptness is not a major
important. concern.
Authority needs to be ...................... Authority is worthy of trust.
questioned.
Emotions can be shown. ...................... Emotions should be
controlled.
The individual can stand out ...................... The group is most important.
from the group.
I am youth-oriented. ...................... Age should be appreciated.
Admission of error is ...................... Saving face supersedes all.
important.
There are exceptions to every ...................... Rules are meant to be
rule. obeyed.
People are measured by their ...................... People are measured by their
accomplishments. good qualities.
From top to bottom, connect the Xs to give you an idea of your profile.
What does your profile look like? Those people from a traditionally Western
perspective are likely to relate to the statements in Column A. People from
non-Western cultures may easily fall closest to those in Column B.
103
SUMMARY
This simple exercise points out one reason why people from individualistic
competitive cultures (such as that of the U.S.) may have difficulty appreciating
other people for whom group well-being and harmony are key values.
104
In the Heat of the Moment
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To examine how emotions might interfere with

the process of conflict resolution.
INTRODUCTION: Often in a conflict situation, emotions take over and make it

difficult for the parties to remain focused. Conflict-resolution skills may be put
to use to reduce the tension.
WORKSHEET
Think back to the conflict situations you have taken part in. Try to imagine what
your feelings were at those times and list the emotions that surfaced when you
were engaged in conflict.
1. List the emotions you feel when you are involved in conflict.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
2. List how these emotions impact your ability to resolve conflict.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. List ways that you can bring your emotional temperature down.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Now turn the page for a list of emotions that often surface in conflict and tips to
reduce negative emotions. Compare the emotions you listed with our list.
105
Emotions Tips for Reducing Negative Emotions

Anger Lower your voice, speak softly, express concerns in a
calm manner
Hurt Acknowledge the other persons feelings
Pain Suggest a time-out
Resentment Show empathy
Fear Listen and paraphrase
Jealousy Review and take pride in own assets
Hatred Analyze reasons; minimize effect
SUMMARY
It is important that you understand one thing: The display of negative emotions
has no place in conflict resolution. They are counterproductive; conflicts have
often remained unresolved because of them. It takes fair, honest, open-minded,
and dedicated participants to overcome serious negative emotions on either side.
Keep in mind that you can find an entire range of conflict-resolution skills in the
activities and exercises included in this book that will help make the process
successful.
106
Which Conflict-Resolution
Style Is Yours?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To become familiar with the four basic conflict-
resolution styles and identify your predominant style.
INTRODUCTION: There are four conflict-resolution styles: Avoidance,

Competition, Adaptation, and Cooperation. Each of these four styles may work
in different situations, but people are generally more comfortable using one style
over another. This exercise is an opportunity to determine which style you are
most comfortable with.
WORKSHEET
The four conflict resolution styles to be used in the worksheet are identified as
follows:
Avoidancewhere people withdraw to avoid conflict. They believe it is hopeless
to try to resolve conflict, and easier to step back from a conflict situation. The
avoidance style leads to a lose-lose approach.
Competitionwhere one disputant tries to overpower another disputant by
forcing his or her own solution on the other person. This style is considered a
win-lose approach.
Adaptationwhere people feel that the relationships are more important than
their own goals. They want to be liked and accepted, and harmony is the most
important thing. These people are choosing a lose-win approach.
Cooperationwhere disputants highly value their own goals and relationships.
They consider conflicts as problems to be solved, and want both parties to
achieve their goals. These disputants are not satisfied until an acceptable
solution is found for both parties. They have chosen a win-win approach.
The following worksheet contains 23 statements and a score sheet to help you
identify your predominant conflict-resolution style.
107
WORKSHEET
Read each statement and indicate on the scale how typical each statement is of
your feelings about conflict.
1 2 3 4 5
Almost Rarely Some- Often Very
never times often
1. I try to get along with the person I am in conflict
with.
2. For me, conflict situations are either win-win or
win-lose. I plan to win.
3. I try to stay away from situations that might be
confrontational.
4. For me, it is important that both parties needs
are met. I look for ways to make that happen.
5. I use whatever tactics are necessary to win.
6. I believe it is hopeless to try to resolve conflict.
7. My goals are more important to me than the
relationship.
8. I want to be liked and accepted by others.
9. To me, conflict is a lose-lose approach.
10. My goals are important to me, but so is the
relationship.
11. Acceptance by others is not important to me.
Winning is.
12. I will do whatever I can to ignore issues that
might lead to conflict.
13. I try to find things we both agree on.
14. I try to be with people I get along with and
avoid relationships I think may result in conflict.
15. My goal is to find a solution where both
parties win.
16. I often find I am trying to smooth things over
for the sake of the relationship.
17. I am unwilling to change what I want.
18. I dont want to hurt anyones feelings.
19. Im willing to go along if it makes you happy.
20. I am not satisfied until an acceptable solution is
found.
21. Not only do I not like to engage in conflict, I
dont want to be around others who might engage
in conflict.
22. I am direct about what I want, and I expect to
get it.
23. I am willing to give up if it makes the other
person happy.
108
Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?
SCORE SHEET
List below the ranking that you selected for each statement. Then total the
numbers in each column. The column with the highest score indicates your
predominant style.
Avoidance Competition Adaptation Cooperation
3 _______ 2 _______ 8 _______ 1 _______

6 _______ 5 _______ 16 _______ 4 _______
9 _______ 7 _______ 18 _______ 10 _______
12 _______ 11 _______ 19 _______ 13 _______
14 _______ 17 _______ 23 _______ 15 _______
21 _______ 22 _______ _______ 20 _______
Totals
_______ _______ _______ _______
SUMMARY
The score sheet above can help you determine which style might be your
strongest. Of course, most people are comfortable with more than one style,
so use the above questions and chart to think about your predominant style
and those occasions when another style might be more appropriate.
109
How to Deal with Hot Buttons
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand the meaning and implications of

the term hot button and how this information fits in with the process of
conflict resolution.
INTRODUCTION: We use the term hot button to describe what happens when
person A does or says something specific that causes an extreme reaction from
person B. Person A may not realize that he or she has pushed the other persons
hot button, thereby adding fuel to the fire and creating a greater
misunderstanding.
WORKSHEET
Most of us have at least one hot button. When ours are pushed, it is almost
impossible to respond in a constructive way, particularly when we are in the
middle of a conflict. (Examples of hot buttons: ethnic slurs, stereotypes, name-
calling.) List below any words, statements, or behavior that are hot buttons
for you:
1. ________________________________ 3. _________________________________
2. ________________________________ 4. _________________________________
What strategies have you used to deal with your hot buttons?
1. ________________________________ 3. _________________________________
2. ________________________________ 4. _________________________________
Other people have hot buttons, too. How might you deal with those hot buttons
you push in a conflict situation? What skills would be helpful?
1. ________________________________ 3. _________________________________
2. ________________________________ 4. _________________________________
On the next page you will find some skills to help you deal with hot button
situations.
111
SKILLS FOR DEALING WITH HOT BUTTONS

To help you deal with hot buttons, check your approach and develop skills to
deal with them, such as those listed below:
1. Neutralize the situation by detachment.

Mentally detach yourself. Step back from the situation and take a few deep
breaths. Give yourself and the other person some space.
2. Recognize others feelings.

When you realize that a hot button has been pushed, give careful thought to
your next move in order to avoid pushing more or adding to the hurt.
3. Allow things to cool down.

Collect more data. Ask questions that will help you get a deeper
understanding of the situation.
4. Look for commonalties and use positive language.

Focus on the goals you both have in common. Use we language, as in We
both would like to
SUMMARY
Because hot buttons are words or actions that can trigger negative responses, it is
vital that they be taken into consideration during a conflict situation. Since they
often exacerbate a conflict, all parties must be aware of the impact they make.
When a hot button issue comes up, it is important to recognize it for what it is;
detach yourself from it, allow the situation to cool off, and move on.
The more sensitive you are to hot buttons (your own and others), the easier it is
to avoid their use and not take things personally. In general, you should always
use positive language when resolving conflicts.
112
III
UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT
Resolving a Conflict
through Planning
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To demonstrate the planning that ought to be
part of every conflict resolution process.
INTRODUCTION: Because of the serious nature of most conflicts and the

important consequences to the parties involved, careful forethought should be
given to each part of the planning process before actual conflict resolution begins.
WORKSHEET
Think about a conflict that you will be dealing with soon, or one that you would
like to help resolve. The following basic questions will guide you through the
planning process.
1. How much do I know about the parties and the issues?
2. How serious is this conflict? Is it important enough to get involved?
3. What are the consequences if this conflict is not resolved for me personally?
For the group I work with?
4. Where should the meeting be held, and who should be there?
5. What are the time constraints for the initial meeting? What are the time
constraints for reaching a solution?
6. What resources can I use? (Interviews, mentors, peer personnel, human

resources department, publications, etc.)
7. What do I hope to gain?
8. What am I willing to do to close the conflict?
SUMMARY
In preparing for a conflict resolution meeting, you should consider certain other
preparation steps.
If this is your first conflict-resolution situation, you can help strengthen your
role by reviewing appropriate activities and exercises in this book. If you have
been involved in other situations in the past, you might pause to draw upon the
knowledge gained from your other experiences.
115
Why People Avoid Dealing with
Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore reasons why some people are often
unwilling to deal with the process of conflict resolution.
INTRODUCTION: Do you find yourself quick to avoid dealing with conflict?

This exercise will examine typical reasons why some people avoid it and give you
some insight into why it might be so difficult.
WORKSHEET
Read over the following sentences and check those that describe your feelings
about the conflict-resolution process.
1. _____ I dont have time.
2. _____ I dont want to end up being the tough guy.
3. _____ Nobody in my past career history has shown me the way. I have
no role model.
4. _____ Others will not want me to interfere.
5. _____ People dont ask for my help.
6. _____ I think others should know what to do.
7. _____ I dont care.
POINTS TO CONSIDER
1. Though conflict resolution takes time, it may take much more time if the
situation is allowed to continue without being addressed.
2. Conflict-resolution skills can help achieve a win-win solution that recognizes
the needs and interests of all parties, where no one has to stand out as the
tough guy.
3. Study the printed material on conflict resolution, learn from others, and take
courses on it wherever possible. Find a role model!
4. In the conflict-resolution process, communication skills can be employed that
allow you to be an equal participant rather than a person who interferes.
117
5. As you become successful at dealing with conflict, you will likely find that
others will see value in how you handle situations and come to respect you
for that.
6. Novices in resolving conflict often do not know how to handle it, and
appreciate help from those who have conflict-resolution skills.
7. An I dont care attitude will not get you very far. You will care when
you are comfortable with the situation and know how to reach a positive
resolution.
SUMMARY
As in any undertaking, the more you know about a subject, the more comfortable
you will be with it and the easier it will become. Because conflict is pervasive in
todays workplace, it is especially important that people work to overcome their
discomfort and be willing to invest their time to learn to deal with conflict in a
positive way.
Clearly there are many more reasons why people avoid trying to resolve conflict;
you may have some others of your own. However, the Points to Consider should
get you thinking about the avoidance issue.
118
Four Conflict Resolution Styles:
When to Use Each
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To become more familiar with the four basic
conflict-resolution styles, and to learn to recognize when one style will be more
useful than others.
INTRODUCTION: There are four conflict-resolution styles: Avoidance,

Competition, Adaptation, and Cooperation. Each of these four styles works best
in different circumstances. This exercise is an opportunity to explore situations
when one style might be more effective than others.
WORKSHEET
The four conflict resolution styles are identified as:
Avoidancewhere people withdraw to avoid conflict. They believe it is hopeless

to try to resolve conflict, and usually step away from a conflict situation. This
style leads to a lose-lose situation.
Competitionwhere one disputant tries to overpower another disputant by

forcing his or her own solution on the other person. This style is considered a
win-lose approach.
Adaptationwhere people feel that relationships are more important than their
own goals. They want to be liked and accepted; harmony is the important goal.
These people are choosing a lose-win approach.
Cooperationwhere disputants highly value their own goals and relationships

with others. They consider conflicts as problems to be solved, and want both
parties to achieve their goals. These disputants are not satisfied until an
acceptable solution is found for both parties. They have chosen a win-win
approach.
The chart the following page contains statements describing when certain
styles are particularly useful. Read each statement and identify which style
you believe would be most effective for that situation by placing a check mark
in the appropriate column.
When you finish, youll find the correct answers on the following page. Check to
see how you did.
119
Place your checkmark in the appropriate column.
Useful when quick

action is needed
Useful when you need

to gain commitment
Useful to postpone
tension
Useful to maintain
balance and harmony
Useful to delay action

while gaining more
information
Useful in situations
where someone tries to
take advantage of
noncompetitive
behavior
Useful to allow for

mutual exploration of
creative approaches
Useful when others

might solve the
conflict more
effectively
Useful when it is
not important for
you to win
Useful when emotions

are strong
Useful when
relationships are
important to both
Useful when the

issue is worth the
consequences
120
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each
121
Check your answers.

Useful when quick

action is needed

Useful when you need
to gain commitment
Useful to postpone
tension
Useful to maintain
balance and harmony
Useful to delay action
while gaining more
information
Useful in situations
where someone tries
to take advantage of
noncompetitive
behavior
Useful to allow for

mutual exploration of
creative approaches
Useful when others

might solve the
conflict more
effectively
Useful when it is
not important for
you to win
Useful when emotions

are strong
Useful when
relationships are
important to both
Useful when the

issue is worth the
consequences
SUMMARY
The information in the chart above suggests that there are times when one
particular style works best. However, there may be times when alternative
122
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each
choices are more appropriate.
123
Mediation:
Test Your Knowledge
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To find out what you know or believe to be true
about mediation, and to clarify possible misconceptions.
INTRODUCTION: Most people have only vague notions about mediation.

Because mediation is used in so many varying situations, it has come to mean
different things to different people. (For example, some people believe that in
mediation, decisions are handed down by an outsider.) Not only is mediation
useful in resolving disputes in fields such as construction, labor relations,
business, family law, real estate, etc., there are basic ground rules common to all.
Mediation, often called Alternate Dispute Resolution, should be considered by
anyone involved in conflict resolution.
WORKSHEET
GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF MEDIATION
As you read the following sentences, think about what mediation means to you
and respond to each statement with a T for true or an F for false. Then check
your answers with those provided on the next page. If you have 11 or more true
statements, congratulations! If you marked ten or fewer as true, you need to
learn more. A mediator is often very helpful in the conflict-resolution process;
you will find more information about the subject in books or other publications,
in courses, and on the Internet.
125
PRINCIPLES OF MEDIATION QUIZ

1. _____ Mediation assumes that people can resolve conflicts and are capable
of discovering their own resources for doing so.
2. _____ Mediators are in control and often make suggestions or give advice.
3. _____ Mediators control the content of conflict issues and make the
decisions.
4. _____ Feelings and interpretations, as well as facts, are useful data in a

mediation.
5. _____ Mediators use the data in a flexible structure that they adapt to the
context of each particular situation.
6. _____ Values, beliefs, and attitudes are not the focus of mediation, but they
can be discussed when clarifying issues for both parties.
7. _____ Mediation often calls for requiring people to change their own values.
8. _____ Mediation encourages people to choose options for resolving conflict

based on jointly agreed-upon and acceptable standards, without
regard to the mediators values.
9. _____ Because the mediators themselves are committed to confidentiality,

the disputants are often more open to the viewpoints of others and
willing to take risks.
10. _____ Balance between the parties in the final agreement is not important.
11. _____ Mediated agreements focus on measurable behavior, rather than

vague attitude shifts.
12. _____ Participants in a mediation are likely to carry out agreements

because they are personally involved in making the decision and have
a stake in the outcome.
13. _____ In a mediation, agreements are coerced and attention is paid to

recognizing and appreciating power.
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Mediation: Test Your Knowledge
ANSWERS TO PRINCIPLES OF MEDIATION QUIZ
1. T Mediation assumes that people can resolve conflicts and are capable
of discovering their own resources for doing so.
2. F Mediators are in control and often make suggestions or give advice.
3. F Mediators control the content of conflict issues and make the
decisions.
4. T Feelings and interpretations, as well as facts, are useful data in a
mediation.
5. T Mediators use the data in a flexible structure that they adapt to the
context of each particular situation.
6. T Values, beliefs, and attitudes are not the focus of mediation, but they
can be discussed when clarifying issues for both parties.
7. F Mediation often calls for requiring people to change their own values.
8. T Mediation encourages people to choose options for resolving conflict
based on jointly agreed-upon and acceptable standards, without
regard to the mediators values.
9. T Because the mediators themselves are committed to confidentiality,
the disputants are often more open to the viewpoints of others and
willing to take risks.
10. F Balance between the parties in the final agreement is not important.
11. T Mediated agreements focus on measurable behavior, rather than
vague attitude shifts.
12. T Participants in a mediation are likely to carry out agreements
because they are personally involved in making the decision and have
a stake in the outcome.
13. F In a mediation, agreements are coerced and attention is paid to
recognizing and appreciating power.
SUMMARY
Mediation is sometimes confused with arbitration. Arbitration, however, is
another form of Alternate Dispute Resolution. In mediation, the decisions are
made by the participants, and are voluntary. In arbitration, all decisions by the
Arbitrator(s), both in the hearings and in the final award, are normally binding.
127
IV
VALUES AND PERCEPTIONS

Evaluating Your
Conflict-Resolution Skills
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To help you evaluate your conflict-resolution
capabilities.
INTRODUCTION: This exercise is for your personal evaluation. It should give

you some insight into your strongest skills, as well as those you need to improve.
WORKSHEET
Rate yourself on each statement by circling the number that represents your
ability, with 5 being most applicable to you (a strong agreement) and 1 being
the least applicable (a strong disagreement). Work quickly and spontaneously,
without spending too much time on any one question.
1. I enjoy addressing conflict situations. 5 4 3 2 1

2. I can deal with different values. 5 4 3 2 1
3. I am able to turn negatives into positives. 5 4 3 2 1
4. I am able to make others comfortable in a conflict- 5 4 3 2 1
resolution situation.
5. I set up a plan before going into a conflict. 5 4 3 2 1
6. I know myself and use my strengths strategically. 5 4 3 2 1
7. I work toward satisfying the needs of both parties, 5 4 3 2 1
keeping in mind the desire for a win-win solution.
8. I know what I want to accomplish. 5 4 3 2 1
9. I highly value direct communication. 5 4 3 2 1
10. The questions I ask have a purpose. 5 4 3 2 1
11. I summarize to clarify my understanding of the situation. 5 4 3 2 1
12. I am open to exploring options. 5 4 3 2 1
13. I consider the wants and needs of the other party. 5 4 3 2 1
14. I have patience. 5 4 3 2 1
15. I like to listen. 5 4 3 2 1
16. I am prepared to give and take. 5 4 3 2 1
17. I appreciate a good brainstorming session. 5 4 3 2 1
18. I am able to deal with stressful situations. 5 4 3 2 1
19. I often bring a sense of humor into play to help a tense 5 4 3 2 1
situation.
20. I am sensitive when it comes to the real issues of a 5 4 3 2 1
conflict.
131
132
Mediation: Test Your Knowledge
SCORE SHEET
Total the numbers in each category you have circled on the questionnaire to get
your final score.
a) Less than 20 You probably find conflict very difficult. Learn as much as you
can about the skills you need to acquire.
b) 2140 You might be able to do better. Review your strengths and

weaknesses.
c) 4160 You have some natural capabilities. Try to develop them and
expand them.
d) 6180 You are about to become a winner; a little more effort will get
you there.
e) 81100 You are probably a natural when it comes to conflict

resolution. You should be very successful.
SUMMARY
As you see, the higher the score, the better prepared you are to resolve conflicts.
Success in this field demands a wide range of skills. It would therefore be very
useful for you to recognize those individual areas of competence where you excel,
and work on those skills where improvement is needed.
133
First Thoughts about Others:
Perception IQ Quiz
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To demonstrate how we often make up our minds
about a person at first sight.
INTRODUCTION: Most of us have been conditioned to size up people on the
basis of initial impressions, affecting how we perceive them in conflict
situations. Language, assumptions, expectations, and personal values often
influence our perceptions.
WORKSHEET
Under each topic are four sentences. Mark each one True or False:
1. Language Issues
You are trying to resolve a conflict with someone who was born in another
country, a person who speaks with a heavy accent. The person keeps smiling
and nodding his head, and even begins to giggle at something you consider
to be serious.
As a disputant in the conflict, you decide:
____ your opponent is not very intelligent.
____ you are not getting through to him.
____ hes very happy and thinks the whole thing is silly.
____ theres no way to get to a solution.
2. Assumptions
You are in a conflict situation and somehow you never get to finish a sentence.
You are constantly being interrupted and inundated with trivial questions or
demands for more detail. In this situation, you assume:
____ the interrupter is rude and thoughtless.
____ the interrupter isnt listeninghe or she just wants to talk.
____ the interrupter is simply demonstrating commitment and interest.
____ the interrupter is totally self-centered and not interested in what is
going on.
3. Assumptions
You are in a conflict situation and find yourself doing all the talking. The other
person never responds or comments and is mostly silent. You assume:
____ the quiet person is shy and withdrawn (insecure).
____ the quiet person is uninterested in what is going on.
____ the quiet person doesnt speak your language.
____ the quiet person thinks youre wonderful and will give in to
everything you say or request.
135
4. Expectations
You are in conflict with a carefully-groomed person dressed in a pin-striped
power suit. You expect that:
____ the person in the suit is trying to set up a power play.
____ the person in the suit is in a position of power in the everyday world.
____ the person in the suit is vain and cares more about his appearance
than solving the problem.
____ the person will make everyone else feel ill at ease.
5. Expectations
You are in a meeting with a man who is wearing a turban and a long, flowing
robe. In this situation, you expect that:
____ the person is from a foreign country and wont know the language.
____ the person in the turban and robe is so rigid that he wont be willing
to negotiate a solution.
____ the person in the turban and robe will not fully understand what is
going on.
____ the person in the turban and robe has some strange and unusual
beliefs.
6. Values
You are in conflict with a person who is so unhappy and so dissatisfied in what
he claims is the poor quality of a contracted service that he refuses to respond to
any suggestion you make about talking things out. He switches to verbal attacks
on you, gets excited, and raises his voice until it almost reaches the shouting
stage. You decide to:
____ quickly stop the discussion so that more productive communication
can occur.
____ switch the subject to one that is less volatile.
____ encourage him to modify his style.
____ stop the process, because clearly the two of you will never come to
agreement.
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First Thoughts about Others: Perception IQ Quiz
SUMMARY
As you check your answers, you have no doubt guessed that all the statements
can be either True or False, depending on context. A number of options exist for
interpretation of the issues raised.
1. With respect to Language Issues, it is obvious that words and accents get in
the way of effective communication. However, nonverbal responses may also
become a problem. People nod their heads, say Yes, and employ gestures,
but if the speakers come from other cultures, they dont necessarily convey the
same meanings as mainstream Americans would expect. Indeed, even smiles
may not signify approval or pleasure. Other cultures employ smiling only as
a recognition signal, or to cover up embarrassment.
2. With respect to Assumptions, again all answers can be either True or False.
Certain conflicts might become unresolvable because some mainstream
Americans approach a conflict situation with a predisposition to make
assumptions. They might misinterpret other parties unfamiliar or even
bothersome responses (extended periods of silence, aggressive behavior,
over-agreeable attitude, frequent interruptions, withdrawal, etc.).
3. With respect to Expectations, people often draw conclusions about status and
authority based on clothing. Their expectations lead them to judge people by
their dress, but it is important to remember that dress is an integral part of
culture. What people wear and their degree of formality or informality may
indicate they are merely following the norms of their own group.
4. With respect to Values, individual approaches to communication often reflect

different values. The values of the individuals can conflict with each other
and even with those of a third party. The remedies for serious value clashes
can range from switching the subject to a less controversial issue or calling
for a temporary time out; perhaps the complainer can be persuaded to lower
the temperature, However, in some cultures, the best chance for a resolution
comes only after emotions have been vented and voices are raised.
Though conflict resolution does not call for changing basic values, it offers an
opportunity to negotiate behaviors comfortable to both parties, thus allowing
the participants to keep their own values intact.
137
The Ideal Peacemaker:
Can You Imagine That?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To determine what qualities and skills are most
typical of effective peacemakers. ( Peacemaker is defined in Websters New
World Dictionary as a person who makes peace by settling the disagreements
of others.)
INTRODUCTION: More than any other time in our history, we are surrounded
by violence. Though it seems easier to identify people who practice violence than
think about those who possess peacemaking skills, here is an opportunity to look
at ideal peacemakers, both real and imaginary, and what distinguishes them from
the rest of us.
WORKSHEET
Think back to the conflict situations you have read about or been a part of. Begin
by considering the finest peacemaker you have ever met, worked with, or read
about. Decide on a real person. Fill out the worksheet below:
1. Who is that person? ___________________________________________________
2. What are the qualities of this person that make him or her stand out so
clearly in your mind?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. What peacemaking skills does that person demonstrate?

_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Now select a fictional characterbased either on a folk tale or other well-known

story, or from your imagination. Continue by answering the following questions:
1. What is your imaginary character like? Describe him or her.

_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
139
2. What are the qualities of this person that make you think of him or her as an
ideal peacemaker?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. What peacemaking skills would you expect that person to demonstrate?

_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
4. Do you think those skills are transferable to your personal conflict-resolution

ability? In what way?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
SUMMARY
It would be a good idea if, from time to time, we gave some thought to those
qualities and skills that contribute to the character of an effective peacemaker.
When you work on your conflict resolution skills, keep in mind the lessons in
the above exercise. Good luck!!
140
RESOLVING CONFLICT SITUATIONS

Uncovering the
Hidden Agenda
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To address two intertwined subjects: the
interests of parties engaged in conflict, and how individuals can respond
in a nonjudgmental way.
INTRODUCTION: Spoken words can mask a speakers actual interests and

conceal a hidden agenda. The listener might find it helpful to go behind the
speakers spoken words and try to identify his or her unspoken thoughts.
This might not happen quickly, but a well-reasoned discussion can reveal
the speakers true interests.
At the same time, realize that any spoken words can take on meanings that the
speaker never intended. A perfectly innocent word or phrase can trigger feelings
and emotions in other people, exacerbating discord and transforming a mild
conflict situation into full-blown conflict.
In all cases, the listener should reply with nonjudgmental responses.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION & WORKSHEET

Instead of addressing specific criticisms or complaints, use the technique of
Nonjudgmental Responses, which consists of (1) employing replies that will
restate the speakers real interest, and (2) acknowledging his or her unspoken
desires. This approach can be used by parties in conflict or by a neutral third
party. If used judiciously, it can lower the temperature and transform a confront-
ation situation into a reasonable discussion. The essence of this technique is that
the listener pays very close attention to the unstated thoughts of the speaker and
prepares a careful response.
The following is an example of a situation exploring one partys interests. Notice
that the second party uses nonjudgmental responses.
A man has complained to his neighbor about his neighbors occasional
blocking of the complainers driveway with his car. The complainer told
his neighbor, If you dont stop parking that way, Ill take you to
court.
If this had happened to you, think about what the complainer might really need
or want and jot down your ideas below:
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
143
________________________________________________________________________
Almost any of your ideas might be true. Heres what really happened:
Complainers actual interest involved the occasional visit from his

aged mother who could not get around without the aid of a walker.
The neighbors parked car forced her to climb a steep walkway, rather
than walk the shorter and more level path on the driveway.
Instead of a blunt response that the complainer doesnt own the

streets, the neighbor said, I can understand how annoying it must be
to have your driveway blocked occasionally. Could it be that this has
something
to do with the elderly woman with the walker I sometimes see at your
place?
The neighbor guessed correctly that the complainer had an unspoken concern
about his mothers occasional visits. With this matter out in the open, the parties
were able to begin to work out a mutually satisfactory resolution.
SUMMARY
Both parties statements may appear to be somewhat unreal, but its evident
that the complainer opens the discussion with an accusation that would
probably have led to a serious confrontation. The neighbor responds with a low-
key remark showing empathy, and then adds a follow-up comment indicating
that he has sought and possibly found the complainers unspoken agenda.
144
Your Turn:
A Nonjudgmental Exercise
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand nonjudgmental responses and
practice making them.
INTRODUCTION: The ability to frame your responses to potentially incendiary
questions or statements nonjudgmentally is one of the most powerful skills in
conflict resolution.
WORKSHEET
In each of the ten situations below, pretend you are the recipient of a complaint.
Decide initially what the complainers interest really is. Then think of a response
that recognizes the complainers interest and initiates a discussion, thereby
avoiding an argument. On the form below, fill out your carefully-constructed
responses under Interest and Nonjudgmental response.
1. I never get overtime and I need the money.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
Nonjudgmental response: _____________________________________________
2. Things have gotten very confused in the shop; it looks like no ones in
charge.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
3. My group talks too much. I can never get anything done.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
4. So I made the same mistake Harry made, but he never got chewed out like
I did.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
5. The night shift always leaves the place in a mess.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
6. I had to show the engineer how to fix it, but he took all the credit himself.
Interest: ____________________________________________________________
145
7. Whose idea was it to change the Chart of Accounts?

Interest: ___________________________________________________________
Nonjudgmental response: ____________________________________________
8. If we can dress casual on Friday, whats wrong with casual all week?
Interest: ___________________________________________________________
9. Todd always comes to me for help, but then he cuts me off in the parking lot
and laughs at me.
Interest: ___________________________________________________________
10. I knocked myself out on that cover shot, but then the director calls in an
outsider to take over.
Interest: ___________________________________________________________
When completed, compare your responses with the suggested replies on the next
page.
Keep in mind that there are many correct answers, each based on its own context.
146
Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise
Suggested Responses to Your Turn Exercise

Each complaint listed below is followed by a statement that recognizes the
complainers Interest, and then a suggested nonjudgmental response that
meets the criteria.
1. I never get overtime and I need the money.

Interest: ACCESS TO SUPPLEMENTAL INCOME
Response might be: We know that overtime can put money in your pocket
quickly. Can you think of other ways to improve your paycheck?
2. Things have gotten very confused in the shop; it looks like no ones in
charge.
Interest: ORGANIZATIONAL LAXITY
Response might be: Its sure no fun working in a place thats not well
organized.
I would guess you have some ideas to correct the problem.
3. My group talks too much. I can never get anything done.
Interest: ANNOYING CONVERSATION UNRELATED TO WORK
Response might be: It must be hard to work when others are talking all the
time. Any thoughts on what we can do to lower the voice level?
4. So, I made the same mistake Harry made, but he never got chewed out like
I was.
Interest: PERCEIVED INEQUITABLE TREATMENT
Response might be: Do you believe youre being treated unfairly? We can
talk about that.
5. The night shift always leaves the place in a mess.
Interest: COOPERATION BY FELLOW EMPLOYEES
Response might be: Why do you think this annoying situation is going on?
What approaches might resolve the situation?
6. I had to show the engineer how to fix it, but he took all the credit himself.
Interest: ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF CONTRIBUTION
Response might be: I think its great that you were able to make the fix.
Now we have to see to it that you get all the credit you deserve.
7. Whose idea was it to change the Chart of Accounts?
Interest: CONSIDERATION OF THE EFFECT OF CHANGE ON OTHER
PEOPLE
Response might be: It must be very frustrating working with an obsolete
Chart
147
of Accounts. It sure makes your job twice as hard. What do you think we
can do
to correct the situation?
8. If we can dress casual on Friday, whats wrong with casual all week?
Interest: COMPANY IMAGE
Response might be: Youre saying that the dress code seems inconsistent.
Could be Why do you think there is a dress code?
9. Todd always comes to me for help, but then he cuts me off in the parking lot
and laughs at me.
Interest: INGRATITUDE
Response might be: Thats really too bad that Todd shows no gratitude for
your help. Can you think of any reasons why?
10. I knocked myself out on that cover shot, but then the director calls in an
outsider to take over.
Interest: PRIDE OF OWNERSHIP
Response might be: Sounds like you feel that your good efforts go
unappreciated.
SUMMARY
As part of the conflict-resolution process, the way in which a party or parties
phrase a statement or question can determine the form in which a nonjudgmental
response is handled. If done skillfully, the level of contention can be reduced.
If this exercise is used in a workshop environment, the participants can compare

one anothers responses and thus benefit from the broader exchange of ideas.
148
A Questionable Exercise
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore various types of questions, both

positive and negative, and how they can affect a conflict situation.
INTRODUCTION: People ask questions for a variety of reasons, not just to

get answers. Indeed, questions can be either open (encourages people to talk
and contribute to the conversation) or closed (discourages people from free
dialogue and engenders resentment against perceived hostility). Questions that
begin with words like Why? are also counterproductive.

Why do people ask questions? The obvious answer, to get answers, is not
always true. Among other reasons that we ask questions are:
to get information (What happened?)
to clarify something you dont understand (Could you explain this for
me?)
to confirm your own opinion (Dont you agree?)
to get a new perspective (How do you see it? I know we have different
opinions.)
to check the facts (Isnt this your jacket?)
to trap someone (You knew we werent home, didnt you?)
to know the truth (You never even tried to call, did you?)
to draw someone out (What else. . .?)
Questions are often categorized as either open or closed. Closed or direct

questions usually require a one- or two-word answer.
Did you do that?
When did you say that?
Who made this mess?
Where were you last night?
Closed questions generally do not lend themselves to continued conversation and

might be perceived by the person being questioned as hostile or designed to
provoke something.
Open or open-ended questions are more likely to encourage people to talk and to
provide the questioner with new information that might be helpful. They invite
the other person to participate in the discussion as an equal, not as a defendant.
Here are some examples:
149
And then? How do you see the situation?

Im not getting your point; could you please help me understand?
What would you like from me at this point?
How did it happen?
What else...?
As a general rule, questions that begin with Why are not particularly helpful in
a conflict situation. They almost always make the other person defensive because
there is usually an implied judgment or criticism to the so-called question.
Think about the following:
Why did you do that? (the listener is likely to hear: Why are you so
stupid?)
Why did that happen? (could be heard as Why did you LET such a
terrible thing happen?)
Why werent you there? (sounds like You SHOULD have been there.)
When people feel criticized or defensive, it is difficult for them to respond

constructively. Many of us will either refuse to answer or respond in a way that
increases rather than decreases the tension. The following exercise will explore
typical examples.
150
A QUESTIONABLE EXERCISE
If you really want to find out what is going on with someone, you should
experiment with asking open rather than closed questions. As a way to practice,
mark each of the questions below as C (closed) or O (open).
Then look at the ones you marked as C and identify what the questioners
purpose was in asking the question. If appropriate, suggest an alternative
question or statement to get the same information more effectively.
1 _____ Didnt you read the manual before you deleted the program?
_____ Purpose of the question: ________________________________________
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
2. _____ Would you sign a purchase order without reading it first?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
3. _____ Could you clarify the picture by explaining your thinking?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
4. _____ Are you insisting that you always return my calls?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
5. _____ Youre telling two different stories; which one is the truth?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
6. _____ Where were you for our meeting this morning?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
7. _____ The entire department waited for you. Why are you consistently
showing up late?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
8. _____ Would you lend a hand and explain whats happening here?
_____ Alternative: ___________________________________________________
151
9. _____ What can the rest of us do to help us get back on track?

_____ Purpose of the question:________________________________________
_____ Alternative: __________________________________________________
10. _____ When did you file the last set of reports?
_____ Purpose of the question:________________________________________
_____ Alternative: __________________________________________________
Although each question might seem appropriate when asked in a particular

context, for our purposes, only numbers 3, 8, and 9 are open-ended questions
designed to de-escalate emotion and to invite the listener to participate in further
discussion or clarification. Below are some possible alternatives to the closed
questions as stated, which would be useful if the speaker truly wanted
information.
ALTERNATIVES TO THE CLOSED QUESTIONS IN

THIS EXERCISE
1. Manuals arent always easy to read; let me show you the section that affects
this situation and see if you agree with my interpretation.
2. You probably have read a thousand purchase orders filled with boiler-plate
language. Lets sit down together and flag only those provisions that are
critical, so you can focus on them.
4. Lets assign priorities to phone calls, and agree that the high priority ones
will always be answered promptly. Also, in all fairness, that should work
both ways.
5. I recognize that critical situations can change very fast and might lead to
different stories at different times. Just bring me up to date on the latest
situation.
6. You must have had a real problem making this mornings meeting. We can go
into that later, but this meeting was critical and I suggest you get one of the
attendees to brief you.
7. You must agree that weve passed the point where I have to hold up an
important meeting just because you are late again. Tell me what you will
do to assure that you will make it on time from now on.
10. I know how busy weve been, but your last quarterly report was six weeks
late. You know that the reports form the basis of our master compliance
submission. Now that you realize the importance of timely reports, I dont
expect to see them show up on my desk late again.
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SUMMARY
Conflicts often escalate as a result of responses that were not intended to be
provocative but that the listener hears as provocative. This is particularly true
when one is dealing with someone from another culture. Our experience is that
if you approach such discussions in a nonjudgmental way, you can try to identify
what the other speaker may be needing. You can then ask for more information
using questions that are open. You are more likely to diffuse the potential conflict
so that you can both gain a clearer understanding of each others point of view
before you make decisions you may regret.
153
Direct Communication:
Its Use in Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To use direct communication as a tool in
resolving conflicts.
INTRODUCTION: When people are engaged in difficult conflict, they often forget
to use one of their most important alliesdirect communication. Speaking
forthrightly helps you assert yourself and prevent emotions from taking over. The
four step model described below can help refocus and express what you are
looking for.

The four-step model of direct communication includes the following steps:
1. Describe the specific observed behavior that you want to discuss.
2. Express your feelings and reactions about the behavior.
3. Suggest an alternate behavior.
4. Offer support.
Review the following explanation of each step, and then answer questions on the
worksheet that follows.
STEP 1: Describe to the other disputant his or her specific behavior that is getting
in the way of your ability to resolve the conflict. This will help you and the party
involved stay focused.
Approach: Keep your message focused on the behavior, not the personality.
Remember that your goal is to communicate a way of correcting a situation that
is interfering with the dialogue. Example: When you yell at me
STEP 2: Express your feelings and reactions about the other persons behavior.
Talking about how you feel gives the other person information about how his or
her behavior is impacting you.
Approach: Speak using I rather than generalizing; use I feel rather than
everyone feels. Example: I feel attacked
STEP 3: Suggest an alternate behavior. The benefit is that this provides specific
information on what you need from the other person.
Approach: First ask specifically what you want the other person to do. Be sure
that its doable. Give suggestions, requesting rather than commanding. Example:
Please try to speak to me rather than yell at me.
155
STEP 4: Outline the positive results and offer support; review the situation. This
will provide an opportunity to make sure that the other person understands what
is expected from the new behavior, and also feels encouraged.
Approach: Revisit the points discussed, focusing on the importance of the change
in behavior. Be positive about the outcome.
************
Use the following worksheet to plan how you will use direct communication.
Think of a past experience where you were engaged in conflict and answer the
following questions:
1. What is the behavior? Describe it.
2. When did it occur?
3. How often did it happen?
4. In what situation did it occur?
5. Describe your feelings when the behavior occurred.
6. How did you react?
7. What would you like to see changed?
8. What support can you provide?
9. How can you end on a positive note ?
SUMMARY
This exercise gives you an idea of how to use Direct Communication when
dealing with a disputant whose behavior you would like to see changed. It is
important that that person understands your feelings and expectations. It is
extremely useful to keep focused and at the same time to be clear with your
suggestions and to be nonthreatening.
156
Supportive Listening:
Whats Your Score?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To help you become more aware of your listening
skills, determine where your strengths are, and discover what aspects you might
develop more fully.
INTRODUCTION: This exercise provides a quantitative self-assessment analysis
to evaluate your listening skills in questionnaire form.
WORKSHEET
Circle the number that most clearly describes your choice.
Listening Competency Almos Frequently Some- Almos
t times t never
Do You alway
s
1. Pay full attention to the speakers 4 3 2 1
message instead of what that person
looks like?
2. Assume you know what the speaker will 1 2 3 4
say and quickly start thinking of other
things?
3. Listen carefully to others whose opinions 4 3 2 1
are different than your own?
4. Make extra effort when you hear an 4 3 2 1
accent?
5. Avoid listening if it will take extra effort 1 2 3 4
to understand?
6. Listen without making judgments? 4 3 2 1
7. Let your own emotions get in the way? 1 2 3 4
8. Make the speaker think youre giving 1 2 3 4
them your full attention, even if youre
thinking about other things?
9. Figure out and acknowledge the feelings 4 3 2 1
that the speaker might be experiencing?
10. Attempt to determine the purpose of the 4 3 2 1
communication (the speakers real needs)?
11. Talk more than listen? 1 2 3 4
157
12. Check assumptions about the message, 1 2 3 4

the messenger, and the means of
communication before you respond?
Listening Competency Almos Frequently Some- Almos
t times t never
Do You alway
s
13. Summarize in your owns words what you 4 3 2 1
heard the speaker say?
14. Turn your listening experience into a 4 3 2 1
learning one, especially when it involves
different people, places, and ideas?
15. Start thinking what you will say while 1 2 3 4
the speaker is still talking?
16. Recognize your hot buttons and not let 4 3 2 1
them get in the way of your listening?
17. Interrupt without giving the speaker an 1 2 3 4
opportunity to finish the thought?
18. Check assumptions about the message, 4 3 2 1
the messenger, and the means of
communication before you respond?
Scoring
Total the numbers in each category you circled on the questionnaire to get your
score.
Almost Always + Frequently + Sometimes + Almost Never = Total
______________ + _________ + __________ + ____________ = ________
Super Listener 5972

Better than Average 4658
Average 3245
Needs Improvement 1831
SUMMARY
The art of listening is far more important than people realize. Experienced
158
conflict-resolution practitioners have developed this ability, and it is in large

part responsible for their success. The greatest listening skill is to always
instinctively respond with supportive listening when you are put in the
position of being the listener. The exercise that follows illustrates the point.
159
Skills that Make a Difference
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To revisit the skills that make a difference in the
outcome of a conflict-resolution session.
INTRODUCTION: It is important from time to time to review the skills that

contribute to successful conflict resolution. This exercise will give you an
opportunity to rate yourself on those skills.
WORKSHEET
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high) in each of these skills:
______ To be open to differences
______ To treat people as individuals
______ To look at whether expectations are real
______ To be aware of stereotypes
______ To check assumptions about other people or groups
______ To accept ambiguity
______ To be comfortable communicating with people different than you
______ To be nonjudgmental
______ To exhibit empathy
______ To listen and observe
If your total is close to 50, you are probably communicating well when dealing
with conflicts on a variety of issues. If your total is less than 40, you have some
work to do to improve your skills.
SUMMARY
A nationally-recognized team of experts in the field agree that the above ten
skills on which you rated yourself are the most important in conflict resolution.
Experience has proven that these obviously desirable skills can help considerably
when they are introduced in the resolution process.
161
Fact vs. Opinion
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To clarify the difference between fact and

opinion, and learn to use language that reflects facts rather than opinion.
INTRODUCTION: Most people believe that they can distinguish fact from
opinion. They are often mistaken. To create the climate for understanding and
work toward an equitable agreement, disputants need to be able to turn opinions
into factual information.
WORKSHEET
Place the letter F in front of the sentences you see as statements of Fact and place
the letter O in front of the sentences you see as Opinions.
1. _____ You spend too much time on breaks.
2. _____ When I left last night, you were still in your office.
3. _____ You're too impatient.
4. _____ The draft of the memo you submitted was great.
5. _____ The raise you requested was granted by the Plant Manager.
6. _____ It's not fair that you always get the visible assignments at this
company.
When you have completed the above exercise, rewrite those sentences that you
identified as opinions on the lines below, putting them in the form of factual
statements. Check them against the answers on the following page.
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
163
Fact vs. OpinionAnswers
1. O You spend too much time on breaks.
2. F When I left last night, you were still in your office.
3. O You're too impatient.
4. O The draft memo you submitted was great.
5. F The raise you requested was granted by the Plant Manager.
6. O It's not fair that you always get the visible assignments at this
company.
Fact vs. Opinion Suggested Rewrites
There are many ways you might have changed the opinion statements to fact.
Compare the suggestions below with what you wrote, keeping in mind that the
key to a fact is that the rewritten sentences must contain information that has
been verified and that has been quantified.
1. F _ I've been documenting the time you take for breaks and you
consistently take an extra five minutes.
3. F _ We have had three customers complain that you have been impatient
with them.
4. F _ The memo you submitted covered all the required points. It was well
done.
6. F _ The last three visible assignments have been given to you.
SUMMARY
One dictionary defines an opinion as a belief or conclusion held with confidence
but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof. A fact is something that
has been objectively verified. It is important that you remain fully aware of their
difference, whether you are shading the difference yourself or faced with others
who are doing so. When opinions and facts are carelessly thrown around, they
are a hindrance rather than a help to conflict resolution.
164
Escalate vs. Acknowledge:
The Choice Is Yours
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To show how the choice of words or phrases
by one party might escalate the confrontational tone of a meeting, or reduce
the tension by acknowledging the position of the other party.
INTRODUCTION: Participants in a conflict resolution situation are not
always aware that they can create greater contention through their choice of
certain words and phrases (escalate). By the same token, they can also lower the
temperature in a meeting by re-stating the other partys position (acknowledge).
This exercise explores both options.
WORKSHEET
Following is a list of typical remarks heard in a conflict-resolution session. Mark
E for those that lead to escalation, or A for those that acknowledge the other
partys position. (See the first two lines for examples.)
E Why didnt you listen?
A That must have been hard for you.
Its interesting that
You ought to apologize to her for
In other words
I think youre hiding something.
If you really felt that way, you would have
So you think that
Your main concern is
If I were you
You are angry because
Youre just trying to get out of it.
You say that this issue is important to you.
You feel frustrated that the machine is not working.
Your office supplies are the most expensive in the department.
You see yourself as a very dedicated employee.
Youre so late, I dont think youll ever get it done.
Youre always disrupting the meeting.
Its upsetting that your overtime is interfering with your family life.
It will never work.
You are wondering if this problem can be solved.
The following section will give you the correct answers. How did you do?
165
E Why didnt you listen?

A That must have been hard for you.
A Its interesting that
E You ought to apologize to her for
A In other words
E I think youre hiding something.
E If you really felt that way, you would have
A So you think that
A Your main concern is
E If I were you
A You are angry because
E Youre just trying to get out of it.
A You say that this issue is important to you.
A You feel frustrated that the machine is not working.
E Your office supplies are the most expensive in the department.
A You see yourself as a very dedicated employee.
E Youre so late, I dont think youll ever get it done.
E Youre always disrupting the meeting.
A Its upsetting that your overtime is interfering with your family life.
E It will never work.
A You are wondering if this problem can be solved.
SUMMARY
It is important to realize how critical the art of acknowledgment is to conflict
resolution. Unfortunately, it is often easier to respond with escalate-type
phrases or sentences like these that have the E in front of them. Conflict
is then escalated without people realizing what caused it.
But consider phrases like those marked with an A. Acknowledging rather
than escalating can go a long way toward reducing the acrimony in a conflict
and producing a more conciliatory environment.
Aside from escalation, an E sentence can also carry hidden meanings that
can interfere with the free exchange of ideas and bring out defensiveness.
For example, some statements, without appearing to do so, send messages
of disapproval. Why questions are often challenging and punitive, as are
statements that contain should, ought, always, or never, and sentences
that begin with You
On the other hand, the A phrases, which carefully re-phrase the speakers
statements, show acknowledgment and lead to furthering an open discussion
during the conflict-resolution process.
166
Turning Negatives
into Positives
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To practice the art of re-framing negative
statements into positive ones.
INTRODUCTION: Negative statements put others on the defensive. If you find
yourself using negative statements, remember that it is positive statements that
contribute to solving a problem.
WORKSHEET
Listed below are typical statements that could arise during a conflict resolution
session. Write in the space next to each negative statement the appropriate
positive counterpart statement. (See the first line for an example.)
Negative Statement Positive Counterpart Statement
You arent listening to me. Id appreciate your full attention for a
while.
Ive never heard of anything like this.
Thats not the way we did it before.
Youre wrong!
I dont think youre open to change.
Youre not willing to give me what I
need.
Dont tell me what to do.
You never give me a chance.
You always get your way, regardless
of others.
You got exactly what you wanted and
I got nothing.
I dont see it your way.
Im not going to do that.
Thats not acceptable to me.
Im not going to discuss this further.
You go your way; Ill go mine.
Never!
The meeting cant go on like this.
167
Suggested Positive Counterpart Statements

There is certainly more than one way to convert negative statements into
positive ones. Below are some suggested examples. Think about whether your
positive statements will help avoid putting the other party on the defensive.
Negative Statement Positive Counterpart Statement
You arent listening to me. Id appreciate your full attention for a
while.
Ive never heard of anything like this. This is new to me.
Thats not the way we did it before. It might be a good idea to look at a
new way of doing it.
Youre wrong! Lets look at it; you may be right.
I dont think youre open to change. Though it means change, please give it
a chance.
Youre not willing to give me what I Can we find a way to meet both our
need. needs?
Dont tell me what to do. Perhaps you can hold your suggestions
for a while.
You never give me a chance. I would prefer to make my own
decision.
You always get your way, regardless We both need to come out of this
of others. satisfied.
You got exactly what you wanted and Id like to see both of us win.
I got nothing.
I dont see it your way. We may have a different points of
view; lets explore.
Im not going to do that. Id rather try something else.
Thats not acceptable to me. Id like to look further and discuss
options.
Im not going to discuss this further. Lets schedule another time to meet.
You go your way; Ill go mine. Lets try to find a mutually agreeable
solution.
Never! Sometimes
The meeting cant go on like this. Lets schedule another meeting to give
us some time to think.
SUMMARY
There are many positive counterpart statements that could be used instead of any
single negative statement. One key to advancing the conflict-resolution process
is to select the most appropriate positive counterpart in context. Experience and
common sense should help; you can experiment by practicing using this skill in
your everyday communication.
168
Eight Different Points of View
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand that the perceptions of others

often play a role in conflict resolution. People frequently base their opinions of
others on first impressions, or even on superficial clues. This exercise demon-
strates how quick and easy it is to categorize differences based on our own
personal frame of reference.
INTRODUCTION: Early life experiences and our own beliefs and values
generally determine how we look at other people who are different from us.
In conflict resolution, it is important to remain open to others, to always be
nonjudgmental, and to avoid stereotyping or prejudging.
WORKSHEET
Perception can generally be defined as our view of life, of ourselves, and of others.
It is based on the interpretation of our past experiences. It is a selective process
because it is subjective.
Understanding the role of perception in conflict resolution, as well as in our

everyday lives, is very important because we view the physical and social
worlds around us through the private lens of our own perception.
This exercise involves three stages, each with its own version of the graphic
describing The Man in the Middle.
First Stage
Take a few minutes to think about Graphic #1: The Man in the Middle.
Then, based on your first perceptions, write down a brief description of the
man, taking into account his clothing, attitude, half-smile, casual stance,
overall appearance, etc.
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
169
Second Stage
Now turn to Graphic #2. Then consider how the eight different individuals
in the circle might each describe The Man in the Middle, based on their
own natural frame of reference. On the lines below, write down your brief
description of The Man in the Middle as he might be viewed by each of the
individuals around him.
A. _________________________________ E. _________________________________
B. _________________________________ F. _________________________________
C. _________________________________ G. ________________________________
D. _________________________________ H. ________________________________
Third Stage
Finally, turn the page and compare your descriptions with those offered in
Graphic # 3. Your descriptions may resemble the ones we suggested, or be
quite different. One is not necessarily correct or incorrect. There are no win-
ners in this exercise; the purpose is to understand that different points
of view have a great influence on how you see others and the world
around you.
170
Eight Different Points of View
SUMMARY
In conflict resolution and many other forms of interpersonal communication,
our perceptions of those we communicate with are often formed quickly. They
also may impact our behavior. For example, if you perceive someone to have
very different values, you may feel superior and behave in a counterproductive
way. If you believe clothes or communication styles are very important, you may
treat someone negatively if you disapprove of that persons style. When there is
conflict, individual points of view are likely to affect both attitude and behavior.
171

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Published by Human Resource Development Press, Inc.

Reproduced from 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution, by Jonamay

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Published by HRD Press

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Cover design by Eileen Klockars

Editorial Services by Robie Grant and Suzanne Bay

About the Authors .......................................................................................................... v

II. Know Yourself

III. Understanding Conflict

IV. Values and Perceptions

V. Resolving Conflict Situations

II. Know Yourself

III. Understanding Conflict

IV. Values and Perceptions

V. Resolving Conflict Situations

As the co-author of ten trainers guides in the Diversity at Work trainers

Ms. Myers was a visiting lecturer in residence at the Beijing Institute of

Ms. Myers offers workshops in Conflict Resolution and provides mediation

Business people are becoming much more interested in understanding workplace

Dispute resolution is often seen as a win-lose situation, or a constant series of

The objective of this book is to provide a series of learning experiences carefully

Look at conflict and its various stages

Whether you are a dispute resolution specialist, a trainer, a manager, or anyone

Part 1Group Learning

Part 2Independent Study

This section consists of a wide range of self-assessment instruments, specific

A Summary statement appears at the end of each exercise so participants can

The activities in Part 2 use the following headings:

PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE

II. Know Yourself

III. Understanding Conflict

IV. Values and Perceptions

V. Resolving Conflict Situations

MATERIALS: Handout: Pop Quiz on Attitudes Toward Conflict

4. Lead a discussion about the positive aspects of conflict resolution, asking

How can conflict strengthen relationships?

How do you feel about the responses?

Pop Quiz: Attitudes Toward Conflict

I believe conflict: Check I believe conflict: Check

MATERIALS: Prizes, Candy, Money, or Trainers Choice

5. Lead a discussion, asking questions such as:

What happened here?

5. Reconvene and have participants summarize the advantages and disadvan-

Bunny Rabbit (escape when you have the chance)

MATERIALS: Paper and Pencils

ACTION STYLE (sets objectives, makes quick decisions, likes working on

Participants will have an opportunity to learn about approaches in general and

MATERIALS: Handout #1: Observer Guidelines

5. Distribute Handout #2: Approaches to Conflict Resolution and review it with

AFTER THE ROLE PLAY

APPROACHES TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION

COMPETITION(I win, You lose)

COOPERATION(I win, You win)

ADAPTATION(I lose, You win)

SITUATION FOR ROLE PLAY

SITUATIONPARTICIPANT B, role of Helen:

MATERIALS: Index cards

Feelings Sometimes Associated with Stress

Ways to Overcome Stress

Additional Things to Think About

MATERIALS: Handout #1: Listening Inventory