ANGER, AN UNDERRATED EMOTION

Anger has a bad reputation. The vast majority of self-help literature either warns you to never get mad, or to find ways to suppress it.. This
“contrarian” article will help to explain why the healthy expression of anger can be both appropriate and effective in dealing with incompetence,
injustice or disrespect. Anger can also be used to shield and protect yourself from crooks, aggressive sales people, and can also be used to
eliminate your own negative personal habits, or to inspire deeper levels of understanding. We will also review some of the common anger
management techniques to help you avoid over reacting to a minor anger producing event.

Anger is a primal emotion genetically encoded within each person at birth. Even if you try, it is hard to deny or suppress this emotion for long, since
it is wired into you as a response to threat. This emotion can be a powerful push and will often motivate us to speed things along. When we combine
an emotion such as anger with focused thought, we can come up with extra energy and vitality.

Of course there is a downside to anger. Unfocused anger has resulted in plenty of hatred and violence. One of the keys is to prevent petty anger
from boiling over into rage. Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, talks about the last freedom is to be able to choose one’s response.
Steven Covey, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about the gap between stimulus and response, and our ability to pick our own
reaction to an event.

When anger might be appropriate:

1. You are sure that the other person needs to see your anger to fully understand the seriousness of the situation.
2. Your anger is directed against an evil or an injustice committed against others who cannot defend themselves.
3. You have asked enough good questions to be sure you know what’s really going on.
4. You have decided not to use harsh personal criticism but are able to focus your anger on the specific issue that is bothering you.
5. You have objectively looked at the facts available to you and have analyzed the situation as dispassionately as possible.
6. Your ultimate goal is to obtain justice, not revenge.
7. You begin by focusing on your anger- “I am angry,” rather than on what the other person has done to make you angry.
8. You have given the other person an opportunity to explain the behavior that has angered you.
9. You are aware that a show of anger can cause permanent damage to the relationship you have with this person, and so you move ahead
cautiously.

Working with your anger:

1. Use anger as a shield to block any manipulators, aggressive sales people, dishonest car mechanics, etc. This happens to me naturally. If I am
being manipulated, I feel my anger start to surge. I give the manipulator plenty of warning that I am moving from “mildly perturbed” to an “enraged
anger.”
2. Anger as a positive force- Petty anger should be transformed into a positive force. Instead of getting upset over the stale doughnuts you bought,
try focusing that energy on something truly important, such as ending hunger in your community.
3. Anger as a self motivator- use the “power of disgust” to compel yourself to eliminate bad habits in your life.
4. Anger as a path to self understanding- many psychologists believe that anger is really just fear. Use this opportunity to evaluate what may be
causing this fear in your life.
5. No revenge fantasy- avoid fantasizing about any revenge scenarios against others that you are mad at. This could lead to dysfunctional behavior
on your part, or just leave you with an unresolved situation.

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Anger management techniques:
Here are some general tips to help you prevent the anger from spiraling out of control.
1. Realize that the world will always be somewhat chaotic- People will continue to drive their cars differently than us, etc.
2. Rate your anger-provoking events (1-10). Every time your trigger gets activated think to yourself: am I reacting like a puppet?
3. Logic can often defeat anger- Try using cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that you are not "always stuck in traffic" you're just driving
during a busy time today.
5. Demands into preferences- Anger is more easily provoked if your preferences are elevated to demands.
6. Low frustration tolerance into high frustration tolerance- Practice allowing minor problems to pass without your anger being aroused.
7. Ask yourself if the $5 injustice worth the $10,000 ulcer- Anger can cause health problems, such as ulcers. Ask yourself if an angry response is
really worth it.
8. Breaking away from the situation- Try to plan ahead so that you can simply break away from an anger provoking event. I used to practice this one
several times a week when I was stuck in line at the Post Office, watching the single clerk on duty take their time with customers. I learned to stock
up with a supply of stamps and an inexpensive postage scale so I could avoid the miserable line.
9. Listen to what is underlying the anger- Use of questions to help focus on the real cause of the problem.
10. Humor can help defuse rage in a number of ways- Imagining your boss yelling at you in a Mickey Mouse voice can help relieve some of the
tension.
11. Avoid personalizing- The other driver may not be feeling well that day, They probably do not know you are back there.
12. Avoid labeling- This happens when you describe a person that you are mad at as "stupid" or a "loser." Labeling allows the individual who is
angry to feel superior and self-righteous.
14. Avoid magnification- This makes an event seem worse than it actually is by exaggerating its importance. Being late to work does not mean that
you will automatically get fired, default on your house payment, etc.
15. Be aware of your rules- Everybody has rules, such as what it take for them to feel loved, confident, successful, angry, etc. Realize that most
people don't even know what your rules are.

References:
Smart Moves For People In Charge: 130 Checklists To Help You Be A Better Leader by Sam Deep and Lyle Sussman
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey, 2004.
The Gift of Anger: Seven Steps to Uncover the Meaning of Anger and Gain Awareness, True Strength, and Peace, by Marcia Cannon, 2011.