Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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<b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</b></font>
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DAN: We are in the ass of the hurricane.
3
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You may never meet her personally.
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She may never catch your eye
or ever thank you,
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but Selina Meyer will never forget you.
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KENT: You are going to change America
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in a way that usually
only war and fluoride can.
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She's gonna ask you for a chamomile.
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She doesn't want chamomile.
She wants peppermint.
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Okay? She gets a little confused,
but do not point it out.
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You guys are the chosen ones, all right?
Not in a Jewish way, either.
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In a' like' selected from
a very short list of 10 way.
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Some people say three microwaves is overkill.
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My response is always, Tapas.
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And never, ever, ever fuck up.
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End of induction. Clear?
17
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JOE: <i>Well, the old politics
just is not working.</i>
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I'm an American,
and I aim to be a team player.
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<i>Now, running the country isn't a whole heck
of a lot different than running a team.</i>
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<i>It's just a few more people involved.</i>
21
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What is our take on this one-dick pony?
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He's an ex-baseball manager.
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You know that saying,
"Anyone can run for president"?
24
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Joe Thornhill is the only reason
that that's utter bullshit.
25
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- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- The United States is a team,
26
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<i>and I wanna be your designated hitter.</i>
27
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You know what?
I've got to say something to these folks.
28
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Okay?
29
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(STAFF APPLAUDING)
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SELINA: What is that smell?
31
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- What is that smell?
- (SNIFFS)
32
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(GASPS) I just put Icy Hot on my shoulder.
33
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- Oh, my God, it's so bad.
- I'm so sorry.
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My nostrils feel like Vietnam. Okay.
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- AMY: You're still speaking? Yeah, ma'am?
- Yes, I am.
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SELINA: Oh, my goodness!
37
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What a journey we are about to begin.
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- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
- And how does a journey begin?
39
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With a first step.
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So, watch my foot.
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- Boom!
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
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- MIKE: Genius!
- (CHUCKLES)
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How about that? That Mike McLintock.
44
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He's our head of...
45
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Whoop. I don't know
where he went, but...
46
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- (CHEERING)
- Let's do it, then. Yes!
47
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Where is Gary?
Wheres everyone running off to?
48
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Is this the beginning of the Rapture or what?
49
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- I wouldn't give it a second thought.
- I'm not, I was just asking.
50
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Okay. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen.
We have liftoff.
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The rockets are lit.
Let's get this baby in the air.
52
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- Show me something.
- Show us the...the...what you got.
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JOE: <i>I'm just an honest Joe,
and I like to speak my mind.</i>
54
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- (BEN SCOFFS)
- Yeah, boy.
55
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How much would I love
to speak my mind on this campaign?
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Can you imagine if I did that?
57
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"Mississippi is chock-full of assholes."
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"I don't trust the Chinese."
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- (LAUGHING)
- "I gotta tell you something...
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"I'm not gonna be able
to pass a single piece of legislation
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"that's really gonna make
any fuck of a difference in your life."
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- So hows that for my platform?
- Got my vote.
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- Yeah, I got your vote. (LAUGHS)
- Forget about him, all right?
64
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No, no, no.
Concentrate on Maddox, not Thornhill.
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Maddox can walk without looking at his feet.
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Can we... Thanks, Ame.
What about this luncheon with Ericsson?
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(SHUSHING)
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I don't want Dan and Amy to know
I'm three-timing them. Come on.
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(SOFTLY) Look. Ericsson is the perfect
campaign manager, okay?
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He's Amy without a conscience
and he's Dan without the...
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The 5% that needs to be loved.
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- Okay? Come on.
- I know.
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- SUE: Ma'am?
- Yep, it's me.
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No, no. Don't look at me, please. Thank you.
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What time is the unofficial lunch
that I am not having today?
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Yeah, it is not officially at 12:45.
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Thank you for not letting me
know about anything at all.
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- Thank you.
- Yeah.
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(SNIFFS)
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(WHIRRING)
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What are you doing, Gary?
82
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What's in the bag, Mike?
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- You go first.
- (STOPS WHIRRING)
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I'm washing Icy Hot out of my shirt.
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- Of course.
- Now it's your turn.
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I can't say. I gotta wash my hands.
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Oh, my God.
88
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Is that bag full of your fluids?
89
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Not the whole bag.
A specimen cup full of little Mikes.
90
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Look, Wendy and I are trying IVF.
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We're on a very strict schedule.
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Please don't say anything.
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You're telling me
the whole time I was washing my shirt,
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you were in there doing that?
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MIKE: Jesus, Gary, grow up.
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All my "troops" are in a cold bag now, okay?
97
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I just gotta get them to the doctor
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so he can begin the assault
on Egg Mountain.
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(WHIRRING)
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Okay, that's a strong opening,
but I think you're gonna want
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a more active verb there.
102
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- Why is Dan being so nice?
- You guys remind me of me when I was you.
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- Look at me now.
- BEN: Nobody says shit like that voluntarily.
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Dan is campaigning
for campaign manager, okay?
105
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- You're not pushing for him, are you?
- Christ, no.
106
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I'd rather cede control of the CIA to Pakistan
107
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than see Dan lead a campaign.
108
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Should I be campaigning?
109
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Do you really have to ask me that?
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I can't do the "be nice to people"
because that's what Dan's doing.
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Also, 'cause I can't do it.
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Why don't you just invite us over for dinner?
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- Did you get my text?
- I got your text.
114
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- You didn't answer.
- Oh, there is no answering that.
115
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Crystal, come here.
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I need you to take this to this address.
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Just leave it with the nurse.
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Fast as you can, but don't crash.
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There he is, Mr. Media Master Mike.
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- SELINA: Mike, where have you been?
- Oh, the bathroom.
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I hope you were focusing on me in there.
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- Oh, no. I wasn't.
- Excuse me? What?
123
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I'm sorry, I was in the bathroom.
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What, you guys went
to the bathroom together?
125
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I was actually thinking of something,
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which is how to squash
the first story of your campaign.
127
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Which is what?
128
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The fact that you started your campaign
without a campaign manager.
129
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Oh. Possibly without a press guy, too.
Right, Mike?
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SUE: Ma'am?
SELINA: Yeah, I know.
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(SNIFFLES)
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- What the hell was that about?
- Don't worry about it, buddy.
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You speak the truth to power,
Mr. Truth Power Talker.
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You know, Dan, watching you try to be nice
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is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette.
136
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It's kind of cool, but also very disturbing.
137
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(SIREN BLARING)
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Thank you.
139
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,966
Let me guess, you're ordering dessert first
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and then a main course.
141
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What? Why?
142
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You put yourself up for nomination
before appointing a campaign manager.
143
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,470
I just thought maybe you liked
to do everything backwards.
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That was quite a long journey for that joke.
145
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,844
- I admire your stamina.
- And I admire yours.
146
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,373
Those polls can't be easy reading.
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You're 30 yards ahead
when you should be three miles ahead.
148
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,708
Do you know why?
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00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,151
Let me tell you something.
Polls are notorious...
150
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Let's look at why the press don't like you,
and they don't.
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The answer is Mike McLintock.
152
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:21,685
Well, that makes sense, yeah.
153
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,752
And then we have Dan.
He's all eyelashes and teeth.
154
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:27,354
- He'd make a good croupier.
- He would make a good croupier.
155
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,230
Never thought of that.
He's very good at reading people, you know?
156
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,167
Right, hitting on drunk divorcees, yeah.
That's his level.
157
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:38,334
So you are suggesting losing Dan and Mike?
158
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- Amy would be...
- Does she know you're here?
159
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,177
- No, of course not.
- You should fire her for that.
160
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I wouldn't let you within a mile
of someone like me.
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Fire her, now.
162
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,075
- I hadn't thought about...
- Then it's time you did.
163
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:51,212
- Bill?
- Yes.
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If we are gonna work together,
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you really do need to make an effort
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not to interrupt me all the time
because I find that a little...
167
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,390
- Annoying? I get it.
- Mmm-hmm.
168
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,226
- Zip. Out. Done. Go ahead.
- Good. Thank you.
169
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:07,705
You're talking about losing Dan
and Mike and Amy?
170
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,569
- Plus Gary.
- Oh, come on.
171
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:12,735
Do you really want him standing behind you
for the next eight years like an asshole?
172
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,278
But you know, he's my asshole.
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- You need a better asshole.
- All right, so, lose Gary, I guess.
174
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,243
- And then, what, I fire everyone?
- Mmm-hmm.
175
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Now what am I supposed to do?
176
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I could maximize your chances of becoming
the most powerful person on Earth.
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(CHUCKLES)
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DOCTOR:
<i>Turn your head as far as you can to the right.</i>
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And again.
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00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,218
(GASPS AND GRUNTS)
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- That's it?
- (GROANS)
182
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,892
And at work you're required
to carry a heavy bag?
183
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,899
Yeah, that's one of my many responsibilities.
184
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,402
Is your bag integral to your job?
185
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,132
What other duties do you have?
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00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,173
That's classified information. (CHUCKLES)
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Carry on like this,
you're gonna need a new shoulder.
188
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,134
Is that an option? 'Cause I can do that.
189
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,507
You need to get a new job.
190
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,274
Someone around here needs to get a new job,
191
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,010
and it ain't me. (LAUGHING)
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00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,314
INTERN: <i>I'm not sure if I understand...</i>
193
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,821
AMY: I'm not sure I want to
explain it to you again.
194
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,118
- Dan...
- DAN: No, too busy.
195
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,818
Load faster, you asshole.
196
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,794
SUE: Gary, get your arm
out of my airspace before I shoot it down.
197
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,322
Hello, top minds.
198
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,831
- MIKE: Afternoon.
- Ma'am.
199
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,367
So, is there a Maddox update?
200
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,801
- Have you heard that he gave Jonah a job?
- (GASPS)
201
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:14,363
No way.
202
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,701
Are you kidding me? That's the update?
203
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,832
- I know, right?
- No.
204
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,202
I'm talking about Maddox and me.
205
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:24,179
Jesus Christ! I'm 30 yards ahead of this guy.
206
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,681
I should be three miles ahead.
207
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,513
I should be the three-mile candidate.
208
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,985
(CHUCKLES) "Three Mile"
has negative connotations, ma'am.
209
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,545
There was a nuclear disaster there.
210
00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,317
Yeah. Well, there might be one here too.
211
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,656
Ma'am, George Maddox
would like to meet this weekend.
212
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,058
- Where?
- He's invited you to his country house.
213
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,028
- What for, a murder mystery weekend?
- SELINA: Oh, I love the country.
214
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,158
Peeing in a bush, being talked to on a porch.
215
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,634
It's kind of like being a dog.
216
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,728
Well, ma'am,
we need to stop Maddox from running.
217
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:47,827
I know that, Ame.
218
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,235
Offer something shiny, like State.
219
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,138
Mike, you're gonna come with me.
220
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,141
- Me?
- SELINA: Yeah.
221
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,542
- Really?
- Yeah.
222
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:58,480
Um...I have really
important stuff to do here, ma'am.
223
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:01,916
Oh. I'm so sorry.
Am I keeping you from anything?
224
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,214
Yeah, but...
225
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,312
- I guess I could do it in the country.
- (GARY EXCLAIMS)
226
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,024
Don't you have allergies, Mike?
227
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,528
Oh, I do actually have allergies.
228
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,430
You do know that this isn't a hobby?
229
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,495
- Right?
- What isn't a hobby?
230
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,702
- This job.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)
231
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,562
- Of course I know that.
- Yep.
232
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,071
SELINA: What in the loving fuck?
233
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,404
Ma'am, I could go.
234
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,375
I can! choose either of you guys to go
235
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,244
because then it's gonna show
some sort of campaign manager bias
236
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,406
and you'll freak out.
237
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,006
- AMY: No, we could go with that.
- I can put that aside.
238
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,950
- Seriously?
- Of course.
239
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,078
- All right' then. Dan, you're coming.
- Yes.
240
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,590
- Perfect. Well, actually, I have a load of...
- Laundry to do?
241
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,590
- Strategy docs to work on.
- Good.
242
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,889
- DAN: You falling behind there, Ames?
- No, I'm keeping ahead.
243
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,862
Really? 'Cause, you know,
I can do that on the run, so...
244
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,197
(SIRENS BLARING)
245
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,639
People like Maddox
always have guns on the walls
246
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,366
next to the animal heads.
247
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,602
It's like a flowchart
for people who don't know what firearms do.
248
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,202
(DAN LAUGHING)
249
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:05,205
- Madam Vice President.
- Oh, George.
250
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,441
GEORGE: Come on in.
SELINA: Thank you.
251
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,418
It's so good to see you. Is Eleanor here?
252
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:12,980
No she's not, thankfully. She's not a fan.
253
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,888
Of political talk, I mean.
254
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,985
Oh, I see. Right.
255
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,291
These are just... (CHUCKLES)
In your face.
256
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,257
- In a kind of fantastic way.
- Yeah.
257
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,425
Yeah. Did you kill these?
258
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,394
No, they were pre-killed.
259
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,768
(CHUCKLES) on, right.
260
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,002
Jake, could you get their bags?
261
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,509
- Yes, sir.
- Oh. Hi, "Jake."
262
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,811
You're Maddox's bagman?
263
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,149
- That's quite a demotion.
- I'm sorry?
264
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,743
I have several responsibilities
for Secretary Maddox.
265
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,119
And I think you'll find
I'm quite the Renaissance Man.
266
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,657
Well, please, by all means, Leonardo.
267
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:48,748
Yes. Chop-chop.
268
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,659
I want to thank you for agreeing
to come and go fishing with me.
269
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:54,459
Yeah, I can't wait to get out on the water.
What kind of boat do you have?
270
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,264
I don't have a boat.
271
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:59,195
SELINA: This is the most
lovely setting, isn't it?
272
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,367
It's a beautiful day.
273
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,805
DAN: Okay, here, come on.
SELINA: I got it. There.
274
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,035
GARY: Ah, ah, ah.
275
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,508
Oh, I'm sorry, George. Pardon me.
276
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:09,170
Okay, that's fine. Get away from...
277
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,108
DAN: Gary, come on.
GARY: My God.
278
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,011
Have you fished before?
279
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,107
Um...
280
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,375
Uh, yeah.
281
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:16,783
GEORGE: Yeah?
282
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,785
Oh... (CLEARS THROAT)
283
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,519
That's a nice cast.
Right out into the center of the water.
284
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,357
Well, that's where I like to be.
285
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,294
Right in the center of the action.
286
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,856
- You and me both.
- (CHUCKLES)
287
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:33,869
What about Chung?
You think he's gonna run, George?
288
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,337
- I hope not.
- Yeah.
289
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,534
We can't have a war tourist
in the White House.
290
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,076
- Ha.
- He talks the talk, but all he did in Iraq
291
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,577
was wait for the bombing to stop,
292
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,375
then post Facebook photos of himself
293
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,312
sitting on a gold-plated bidet.
294
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,382
(LAUGHING)
295
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:50,477
JONAH: That's a good stance, sir.
Good solid base.
296
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,585
I'd hate to be a fish in your river.
297
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,689
- Shut up.
- SELINA: George...
298
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,987
If I were in the Oval Office,
299
00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,892
you know, I could really use
somebody like you in State.
300
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,265
If I was State, hypothetically...
301
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,391
SELINA: Oh!
GARY: Ooh.
302
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:05,560
Oh, look at that!
303
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,035
- That is heavy!
- DAN: Reel him in.
304
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:08,663
- (DAN CHUCKLING)
- SELINA: Look at that!
305
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,235
- Look how big that thing is!
- Oh, yeah!
306
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,331
DAN: Okay! Oh!
307
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:12,498
BOTH: Whoa!
308
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,908
GARY: How exciting!
309
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,673
SELINA: Oh, no!
DAN: Where'd he go? Aw!
310
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,508
- Did you lose him?
- Oh, he got away.
311
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,015
You fucking idiot.
312
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,678
MIKE: <i>This is so nice of you, Amy.</i>
313
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,081
Oh, there was a seating plan.
314
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,682
- KENT: Ah, I'm sorry.
- But it is absolutely fine.
315
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,454
I'm going to top up some wine.
316
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,186
- You have... You need some...
- Actually, I don't... No, no.
317
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,423
MIKE: Oh!
318
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,020
It's okay. It's okay.
319
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,259
- AMY: No.
- Don't rub it, Mike.
320
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,527
- I'm making it worse.
- AMY: Yeah.
321
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,364
I was gonna get a new rug, so...
322
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,970
I could take a dump on it,
if you need a clincher.
323
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,300
KENT: Oh, thank you, Ben.
324
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,602
This is great wine, Amy.
325
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,142
A lot better than I anticipated.
326
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,769
And she has got a real nose for wine.
327
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,438
You remember that soiree
at the French embassy,
328
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,073
where you were identifying
the year by the smell?
329
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,550
I also do that with my men.
330
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,119
The only thing about you
that doesn't surprise me
331
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,087
is your capacity to surprise me.
332
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:02,818
So good to see everybody.
I'm gonna check on the food.
333
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,791
What's the delay? I have mammals in there
who need to eat food.
334
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,388
Is this ready? What is it?
335
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,132
- Potatoes.
- I can see that.
336
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,066
- Potatoes a la what?
- Just potatoes.
337
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,297
You can't really
eat them by themselves.
338
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,135
I've eaten hummus with a pen cap.
Don't tell me how I can eat.
339
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,800
AMY: So we can make a start with this.
340
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,572
That is an ark of potato.
341
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,238
- (ALL CHUCKLING)
- S.S. Starch.
342
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:27,443
So, Amy, when are you going to ask us
to support you as campaign manager?
343
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,746
I guess I don't have to now. Um...
344
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,320
But anyone who talks
about work tonight has to take a drink.
345
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,358
- Work.
- Oh, Ben jumped on that.
346
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,619
- AMY: We're off. (CHUCKLES)
- (CELL PHONE BEEPING)
347
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:39,191
- Where's your bathroom?
- It's second on the left.
348
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,661
MIKE: Thank you. Thank you so much.
(CLEARS THROAT)
349
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,324
(EXHALES)
350
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,201
You look gorgeous!
351
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,035
Do you think that I'm ruthless...
352
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,665
- No.
- ...enough?
353
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,368
- Oh, enough?
- Yeah.
354
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:57,103
I think you have just the right amount
of grit in your oyster.
355
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,271
- Huh?
- "Hmm?
356
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:02,609
No, I mean,
can I be a complete fucking bitch?
357
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,846
Please don't talk about yourself that way.
358
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:07,288
You know how sometimes you have a friend,
359
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,449
but they weren't up to their job?
360
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,026
My shoulder is fine, ma'am.
361
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,528
No, no. I'm not talking about you.
362
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:13,961
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
363
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,891
Though it doesn't look
like your shoulders fine.
364
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,865
(STAMMERING) It's almost perfect...
365
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,996
If that became some
sort of permanent disability...
366
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,631
Mike's masturbating at work.
367
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,976
- What?
- I caught him doing it.
368
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,577
- No.
- Him and Wendy are doing IVF.
369
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,478
And I caught him coming
out of the bathroom stall with a bag.
370
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:33,308
Ugh!
371
00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,880
Oh, my God! Give me my phone.
372
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:38,012
- Why?
- 'Cause I've got to be in touch with Ben.
373
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:41,081
I can't have Mike getting "what's-her-ass"
374
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,488
all knocked up and pregnant,
375
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,994
becoming some son of a dad
during my campaign.
376
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,391
What is keeping Mike? Mike?
377
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,591
- MIKE: I'm here. Sorry. Sorry.
- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
378
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,931
- KENT: Join the party, Mike.
- This food looks amazing.
379
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,867
AMY: It should be. It cost enough.
380
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:58,503
Hey, Mike,
this salad doesn't have any dressing.
381
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,341
Did you bring any extra dressing?
382
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,741
What are you talking about, Ben?
383
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,677
I hear the next course
is gonna be pulled pork.
384
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,110
Pork that has been pulled.
385
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,511
So everybody knows that I was in there
386
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,284
masturbating into a cup now?
387
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,592
- No, I was the only one who knew, Mike.
- We all know now.
388
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:21,062
I really hope that's IVF or something, Mike,
because otherwise...
389
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,622
It is. It is.
390
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,430
Wendy and I are trying to conceive a child.
391
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,438
Good luck with that.
That can be a tough road.
392
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,566
- MIKE: I know.
- I have a sister who was...
393
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:33,941
Well, she didn't have the...
394
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,576
It kind of all went wrong within the tubing...
395
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,445
- Stop talking.
- Copy that.
396
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:39,608
Talk about something else.
397
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:40,979
AMY: Before we eat,
398
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:45,453
may I just say how much I value all of you.
399
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,424
Thank you for your skills
and for your friendship.
400
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,550
KENT: Hear, hear.
BEN: To skills.
401
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,723
- (GLASSES RING)
- And friendship.
402
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:10,437
Um, what if we don't have anything
to talk about but work?
403
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,312
Oh. Work.
404
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,612
We have plenty of other stuff to say.
405
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:19,586
Amy, did I hear you
talking about Maddox hiring Jonah,
406
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,420
- or was that a horrible nightmare I had?
- Mmm-hmm.
407
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,288
Why would Maddox hire someone like that?
408
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,952
Because of his uncle.
409
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,360
Why? Who's his uncle?
410
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,465
- Jeff Kane.
- Jeff Kane, the New Hampshire guy?
411
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,001
- Yeah.
- AMY: The Jeff Kane.
412
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,127
Who controls the senior citizen vote
in New Hampshire?
413
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,933
How do you think
he got the job in the White House?
414
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,201
She's at Maddox's right now.
I have to call her.
415
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:39,367
Maddox's camp will give you nothing.
416
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,376
- Maddox has access to...
- Yeah, I know that.
417
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,447
I know that, and that's why I'm gonna call.
418
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,677
You know what's gonna help, everybody?
If you just go.
419
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,446
I don't mean to be rude,
but dinner has got to be over.
420
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,855
Please, all, do support Amy
as Selina's campaign manager.
421
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,686
Please do. Yay me. Yay me.
422
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,054
BEN: Anybody wanna get a burger?
MIKE: Yeah.
423
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:57,991
- Don't forget your bag, Mike.
- MIKE: Thanks, Kent.
424
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,791
It seems more appropriate
now that it's just the two of us.
425
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,993
- No. You have to go too.
- Amy, it's our anniversary.
426
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:07,830
Oh, please do not tell me
you are one of those fucking weirdoes
427
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,896
that celebrates three month-a-versaries.
428
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,474
It's actually a year.
429
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:15,206
A year in which you neglected
to tell me about Jeff Kane. Go.
430
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,907
I guess I'll go tell the violinist
that he has the night off.
431
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:20,708
I'll have him play me
a bunch of Smiths covers in my car.
432
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:23,844
- Ma'am... You gotta go.
- SELINA: <i>Hey, what's up?</i>
433
00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:25,177
Jeff Kane.
434
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,215
The New Hampshire guy.
Yeah. What about him?
435
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:30,260
<i>- He's Jonah's uncle.</i>
- Shit.
436
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:33,922
- DAN: What?
- Jeff Kane is Jonah's uncle?
437
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,057
- What?
- No!
438
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,999
Tell Dan he needs to find Jonah now
and peach him.
439
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,762
Okay. We're all over this.
440
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,703
That's obviously
how he got the job with Maddox.
441
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:45,240
No one would be so stupid
to hire him otherwise.
442
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,935
- Exactly.
- (STAMMERS)
443
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,569
- So, we're all set?
- SELINA: Yeah.
444
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,741
Yeah. Oh, Sir, where is Jonah?
445
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,683
- Who?
- The tall fellow.
446
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,744
The bag of bones guy?
He's in your entourage.
447
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,720
Haven't we got
more important things to talk about?
448
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,722
- We do, George. We certainly do.
- (GEORGE CHUCKLES)
449
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,852
- Right this way.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
450
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,064
Hey, buddy. How's it going?
451
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,060
Why the fuck do you care?
452
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,932
- Why shouldn't I care?
- Because you hate me.
453
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,767
All right, look. There's a fine line, Jonah,
454
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:18,535
between hate and non-hate.
455
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,266
You attacked me with a burrito.
456
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,437
And if I could turn back
the hands of time, I would.
457
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,913
- What, so you could do it again?
- No.
458
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,741
The juice could have gotten in my eyes, Dan.
459
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,616
The spicy burrito juice.
460
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,916
I think you and I
have a lot in common, actually.
461
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,786
- We do?
- Yeah. We say it like it is.
462
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,823
So if I did want to run,
why would I just step aside for you?
463
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,760
(CHUCKLES) See, that's what
I'm talking about.
464
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,422
- Why wouldn't you?
- No, why would I?
465
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,434
Well, I believe that I've earned this, George.
466
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:49,971
I also believe
that the position of vice president
467
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,837
can be a very rewarding one.
468
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,441
Even though it has no power?
469
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,307
It has some constitutional power,
470
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:59,247
and, by the way,
I think that I can pull some pretty big levers.
471
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:02,611
You exercise this power very discreetly,
I must say.
472
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:05,988
Maddox? Come on, man.
473
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,853
That guy's got ulterior motives,
and you know it.
474
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,324
What do you mean, ulterior motives?
475
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,584
I just think he's keeping you around...
476
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,129
- Because?
- Because of your uncle, Jeff Kane.
477
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:16,530
- Fuck you, Dan.
- I just offered you a job.
478
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,000
People like me' people hire me,
people date me,
479
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:22,163
and people fuck me
because I'm triple-A fuckin' awesome
480
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,831
- and no other reason.
- Sure.
481
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,000
So why don't you scooch your little
butt out of my fuckin' pantry?
482
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,137
You know what? The only reason
you have a fuckin' job, Jonah,
483
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,182
is because your uncle is Donald Chump.
484
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,511
Wake up and smell the fuckin' burrito juice.
485
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,654
You know what? Selina's gonna lose
486
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,451
and President Maddox
is gonna have you both executed!
487
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,616
That's not even the way it works,
you fuckin' idiot.
488
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,957
Yeah? Well, maybe you're a fuckin' idiot.
489
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,854
So I think we both agree that the
strongest candidate should run.
490
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,124
Absolutely.
491
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,189
And we both agree
that the role of vice president
492
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:52,291
can be a very significant one.
493
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,234
You've certainly made a compelling argument.
494
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,203
- You'd consider that?
- Absolutely.
495
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,908
- You'd be my vice president.
- Would love for you to be my vice president.
496
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,477
Huh? What did you just say?
497
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:03,877
It makes sense for me. You're already vetted.
498
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,171
Are you kidding me?
499
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:07,478
Plus you would be the first vice president
500
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,053
to serve under two successive presidents.
501
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,146
I'd rather be shot in the fucking face
502
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:15,417
than serve as vice president again.
503
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,055
Seriously, in the fucking face!
504
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,151
(SELINA SCOFFS)
505
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,322
(SOFTLY) Hey, how'd it go?
506
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,656
Uh-uh.
507
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,031
(SIGHS) Oh, God.
508
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,570
- How'd it go?
- (GRUMBLING)
509
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,036
Oh.
510
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,199
DAN: <i>All right, guys, listen.
Maddox is running, okay?</i>
511
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:34,870
So I need you to access
the strategy file in Dropbox.
512
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,210
Password, "mother_fucker."
513
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,441
So our next move
514
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:40,107
- is to stop Chung from running.
- No.
515
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,083
Two ex-military candidates
are gonna squeeze you out, ma'am.
516
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,745
The subtext of every question will be,
517
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,289
"Yeah, you're pretty,
but can you break a man's neck?"
518
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:47,379
Let me explain something to you.
519
00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:52,361
You had me go marching off to the country
to try and keep Maddox from running,
520
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,397
and then today,
he announced he's running, right?
521
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:57,434
Oh, what's in your lunchbox, Mike?
522
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,470
A protein shake? You degenerate.
523
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,640
You know about this?
The private thing I wanted kept private?
524
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:06,400
You know, Mike, it would please me greatly
525
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,701
if you would do me the honor
526
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,112
of removing your jizzbox
527
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,774
from our executive branch of government.
528
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,110
- It's actually a cooler.
- Oh! Then, by all means.
529
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,950
Open it up, let's have a picnic.
I'll boil up my eggs.
530
00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:24,886
So, listen. I'm gonna get rid of the team,
the whole bunch.
531
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:28,255
Desperate Dan, flailing Amy,
crippled Gary, jizzy Mike.
532
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,799
Jizzy Mike?
533
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,130
Yeah. He jerks off all the time in the office.
534
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,669
Really? He does that?
535
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,399
Yeah, he really does. You have no idea.
536
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,271
Anyway, I'm going to get rid of 'em.
537
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,276
I'm gonna shoot Mike and Gary in the head,
538
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:41,970
I'll poison Amy, I'll behead Dan.
539
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:45,344
- Ma'am.
- Oh, shit. What are you doing here?
540
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:48,015
(STAMMERS) Look, I'm so sorry to interrupt,
541
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:51,145
but I have some inside Maddox polling data.
542
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:54,258
- How did you find me?
- I put a lot of pressure on Sue.
543
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:57,984
So, she's gonna have to go too.
544
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,824
Wait. What do you mean, too?
545
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:02,160
Yeah, Dan, listen...
546
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:05,526
Bill is going to be
our new campaign manager...
547
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,035
I'm flattered, but the answer's no.
548
00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:08,527
I'm sorry. What?
549
00:22:08,627 --> 00:22:10,937
I hate to say I got a better offer,
but I got a better offer.
550
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,373
Is it Danny Chung?
551
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:16,640
That desperate dick covered in medals
that he got on eBay, by the way?
552
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:18,941
- Not Chung. It's Thornhill.
- SELINA: What?
553
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:23,043
Baseball Joe?
That man's a vegetable. Seriously.
554
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:24,780
- So he can catch a ball.
- He can win.
555
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,016
He did it on the field
when nobody thought he had a chance.
556
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,853
People love his story, they love his attitude.
557
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:30,325
I don't love your attitude.
558
00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:32,521
- So why don't you go and...
- With all due respect...
559
00:22:32,618 --> 00:22:36,998
You know what? You stop interrupting me,
you stupid fucking interrupty guy.
560
00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:39,969
- I'm sorry.
- I am un-offering you the job.
561
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:43,666
You will never be
my campaign manager, ever!
562
00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:46,300
- Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, ma'am.
- You bet it was.
563
00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,378
It was a huge pleasure to meet me.
564
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,309
You know we're going to rip you apart.
565
00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:52,242
On, so scary!
566
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,175
(SIREN BLARING)
567
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:04,385
Dan...
568
00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:07,657
Do you want to be my campaign manager?
569
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,269
- Yes.
- Yeah.
570
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,572
- Yes, I do.
- Okay.
571
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:17,773
Yeah!
572
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:19,933
Ma'am. you...
573
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:22,410
I am not going to let you down.
You will not regret this.
574
00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:23,571
- Okay.
- Yeah.
575
00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:25,114
- Okay.
- Yeah !
576
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,072
(CHUCKLES)
577
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,419
GARY: <i>This is amazing;.</i>
578
00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:31,385
I feel all floaty. What's this one called?
579
00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:33,423
- It's a boilermaker.
- A boilermaker!
580
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:34,513
(LAUGHING)
581
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,751
- You never had one?
- Mmm-mmm.
582
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:37,919
I'm a Prosecco man.
583
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:39,428
I wouldn't spread that around, Gary.
584
00:23:39,518 --> 00:23:40,622
Did you know I got a condition?
585
00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:41,857
What, you can't hold your alcohol?
586
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,628
No, it's my shoulder. I'm in a lot of pain.
587
00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:44,860
Join the club, pal.
588
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:49,100
No, but I carry around Selina's big, heavy bag
of her tampon bullshit.
589
00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:50,804
- And the doctor...
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
590
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:52,273
- I'm serious.
- Mike.
591
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:55,470
- The doctor told me to get another job.
- No.
592
00:23:55,567 --> 00:23:57,808
- You need to get another doctor.
- Thank you.
593
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,712
Yeah. Did he give you a cortisone shot?
594
00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:01,876
- No! No!
- See?
595
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,648
Mr. Bartender!
596
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,119
A cortisone shot!
597
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:06,621
(LAUGHING)
598
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,289
Tequila.
599
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:10,417
Tequila! Oh.
600
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:13,325
Mike, is the bar the appropriate place
601
00:24:13,419 --> 00:24:14,989
for the contents of that bag?
602
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:17,294
Relax, Amy. It's a spoiled batch.
603
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,302
I missed my window today at the clinic
and Wendy is not happy.
604
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:24,465
- Hey, Mr. Kent!
- Hey, kids. Everybody well oiled?
605
00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:29,672
I called you all to my office
because there may be some changes.
606
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:32,906
She got a campaign manager, didn't she?
607
00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:34,745
Please tell me that it's not Dan.
608
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:35,842
It's not Dan.
609
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:38,319
- Thank you, God!
- (APPLAUDING)
610
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:41,516
- Fuck you, Dan, you minor-league gigolo!
- GARY: Gigolo!
611
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,125
DAN: Just out of curiosity...
SELINA: Yeah?
612
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:44,627
DAN: <i>What was Ericsson's pitch?</i>
613
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:48,960
He said that you'd be better off
as a croupier fucking older women.
614
00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:50,931
That doesn't bother me. I...
615
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,269
I like older women.
616
00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:55,634
I do. They have life experience.
617
00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:57,674
- Yeah, they do.
- Not just the sexy stuff.
618
00:24:57,763 --> 00:24:58,833
Mmm.
619
00:25:00,132 --> 00:25:03,306
- Well, they've got that too, I can tell you that.
- Mmm-hmm.
620
00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:07,777
Actually, it's been a while
since I've been with an older woman.
621
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,841
Oh.
622
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:10,851
(CLEARS THROAT)
623
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:12,511
Oh.
624
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:15,216
- Oh, here, I gotcha.
- Thank you very much.
625
00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:16,452
Sure.
626
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:17,716
(CLEARS THROAT)
627
00:25:17,816 --> 00:25:22,322
Look. This is gonna be
a very intimate relationship.
628
00:25:22,554 --> 00:25:24,864
- And I really... I've gotta get in there.
- Yeah?
629
00:25:24,957 --> 00:25:28,131
You have to tell me
stuff that even Gary doesn't know.
630
00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:29,570
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
631
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:32,164
I can't even think, seriously. What about you?
632
00:25:32,231 --> 00:25:34,643
Do you have any skeletons?
633
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,237
- Yeah.
- Okay. Here we go.
634
00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:40,715
- Yeah, I've got one. When I was a kid...
- Yeah?
635
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:44,218
A bunch of older kids dared me...
636
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,823
- (CHUCKLES)
- ...to kill this stray dog. And I did.
637
00:25:49,982 --> 00:25:51,484
(STAMMERS)
638
00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:53,152
- Really?
- Yeah.
639
00:25:53,318 --> 00:25:55,696
- You killed a dog?
- Yeah.
640
00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:57,427
Shit.
641
00:25:57,589 --> 00:25:59,660
Okay, now, your turn. You go.
642
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:01,436
Oh...
643
00:26:01,593 --> 00:26:03,834
- Just let fly.
- Okay. Well...
644
00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:05,030
Um...
645
00:26:05,831 --> 00:26:08,835
- Right before Andrew and I split up...
- Mmm-hmm.
646
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,510
I don't know if you remember,
but his car caught fire.
647
00:26:11,603 --> 00:26:12,946
Yeah.
648
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:17,577
- You?
- I did it. Yeah, I did it.
649
00:26:17,676 --> 00:26:19,349
I torch cars, you know...
650
00:26:19,678 --> 00:26:23,182
Give me the nuclear codes. (CHUCKLES)
651
00:26:23,882 --> 00:26:24,917
Wow.
652
00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:28,028
I guess I can sit on that for eight years.
653
00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:33,202
Um, there's probably going to be
some shake-ups.
654
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:36,603
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Oh. Sorry, Amy.
655
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,441
- What the...
- Fuck, Dan?
656
00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:40,632
Oh.
657
00:26:40,899 --> 00:26:42,242
She was talking to Ericsson.
658
00:26:42,301 --> 00:26:44,542
I invited you guys to dinner.
659
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:45,877
Yeah, then you kicked us out.
660
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:48,544
Sir, I would like one of these,
661
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,416
and after that, I want one of these.
662
00:26:50,476 --> 00:26:52,581
And then after that, I would like one of these.
663
00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:53,712
(ALL CHEER)
664
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:54,780
Careful.
665
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:56,424
Why would she go with Dan
666
00:26:56,482 --> 00:26:58,621
when he couldn't even
poach Jonah from Maddox?
667
00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:00,458
AMY: The one thing
that will push me over the edge right now
668
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,327
is if you mention Jonah's name.
669
00:27:02,421 --> 00:27:04,992
He could actually stumble in here.
He lives right around the corner.
670
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:07,070
- He won't come in here.
- Mike, I got an idea.
671
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,572
We should throw
your expired cum at Jonah's door.
672
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:10,629
(LAUGHING)
673
00:27:10,729 --> 00:27:12,072
- You're kidding.
- I'm not kidding.
674
00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:14,509
- Let's throw his cum at Jonah's door.
- (LAUGHING)
675
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,245
Yeah!
676
00:27:16,401 --> 00:27:20,178
Let's throw cum! Let's throw cum!
677
00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:23,082
Amy, no, no... That's my DNA!
678
00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:27,187
- I would like to see that, but we'll stay.
- Yeah.
679
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,087
All right, I'm out of here.
680
00:27:29,915 --> 00:27:30,916
(DAN SIGHS)
681
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:32,989
How did you kill it?
682
00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:36,429
- Sorry, what?
- Nothing. It's fine.
683
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:39,094
- We're good? All right.
- Yeah.
684
00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:40,425
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
685
00:27:42,427 --> 00:27:45,499
I had a romantic dinner
of champagne and oysters,
686
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:48,271
and Wendy finished me off in a cup.
It was beautiful.
687
00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:51,781
- Sounds pretty good, except for the oysters.
- MIKE: Yeah. I like 'em.
688
00:27:52,104 --> 00:27:54,778
- We do this like a contract killing, all right?
- AMY: Where is it?
689
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:55,841
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- AMY: Mike!
690
00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:56,976
BEN: What the fuck are you doing?
691
00:27:57,109 --> 00:27:59,555
- Hurry up. Just get it out.
- (SHUSHING)
692
00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:01,716
Hey, guys.
693
00:28:04,300 --> 00:28:14,300
<b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</font></b>