A Christmas Itch

By
Sunny Davis

Draft 1 - 9/28/18
Draft 2 - 10/1/18
INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
MIKE, 50s, sits on the couch. SHERI, 50s and wearing an
apron, plugs in the Christmas lights that decorate the room.
The entire living room is fully decorated for Christmas:
lights, stockings, tinsel, and more. The doorbell rings.
SHERI
I think they’re here! Can you get
the roast from the oven while I
answer the door?

MIKE
Sure.
Mike walks into the kitchen while Sheri goes to the front
door and opens it. JAMES, 20s, and EVA, 20s, stand on the
other side. Eva sports a big cross necklace.
SHERI
James!
Sheri gives her son a big hug.

JAMES
Hi, mom! This is Eva, my
girlfriend.
EVA
It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs.
Brown.
SHERI
The pleasure is mine.

They shake hands.

SHERI (CONT.)
Come on in! James, your father is
finishing up with dinner, why don’t
you show Eva to the restroom so you
two can wash up.
James and Eva disappear down the hallway.

INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Sheri sets wine glasses down at four place settings on the
table. Mike appears at the doorway holding a casserole.
Sheri turns and sees him.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

SHERI
Oh, the sides! Thank you, dear.

Sheri takes the pan from Mike. Mike disappears into the
kitchen once more. After, James and Eva walk in.
EVA
It smells delightful, Mrs. Brown.

SHERI
Oh, thank you, Eva. Would you like
a glass of wine?
Eva nods and Sheri pours the opened bottle of wine from the
table into each glass. She hands a glass to James and a
glass to Eva, then picks one up for herself. She holds her
glass up.
SHERI (CONT.)
To a long and happy relationship!

JAMES AND EVA

Cheers.
They clink glasses and take a sip.
SHERI
Let me go see what’s taking Mr.
Brown so long. You two sit.
Sheri heads to the kitchen. James places his wine glass down
on the table and pulls out a chair for Eva. Eva sits. He
sits next to her.
EVA
Your mother seems nice.
JAMES
She is. I can’t wait for you to
meet my dad!
Sheri and Mike appear from the kitchen, Mike holding a large
roast in front of his face.

MIKE
I am so sorry I have been hiding in
the kitchen! It is such a pleasure
to finally meet you, Eva, James has
told me so much about you!

Just as Mike goes to place the roast on the table, he

catches a glimpse of Eva and Eva sees Mike. Mike drops the
roast on the table and spills a glass of wine, prompting
James and Eva to stand.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

SHERI
Not my roast!!
MIKE
I am so sorry, Sheri.

SHERI
Accidents happen. I’ll go get a rag
to clean up the wine.
Sheri leaves.

EVA
Dr. Brown! I didn’t know-
MIKE
It’s okay, Eva.

JAMES
You two know each other?
Eva looks around, nervous. James takes a sip of wine.

EVA
Your dad is my gynecologist.
James spits his wine out.
JAMES
WHAT?! Dad?! Is this true?!
Mike nods apprehensively.
Awkward silence. Sheri comes back with a rag.

SHERI
Why so quiet? It’s just spilled
wine!
Sheri begins to wipe the table.

JAMES
Eva and dad know each other.
SHERI
Oh, what a small world!

MIKE
She’s one of my patients.
Sheri stops what she’s doing.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

SHERI
SHE’S WHA-

INT. DINING ROOM - LATER

The four sit around the table. Silence. Everyone is

uncomfortable.
SHERI
Mike, would you like to say grace?

Everyone holds hands and closes their eyes. Eva takes Mike’s
hand apprehensively.
MIKE
Blessed be the Earth for providing
us this food.
Blessed be the Sun for helping it
to grow.
Blessed be the hands that helped
prepare this meal,
May those hands and our hands,
bodies too, be well and quick to
heal.

Blessed be our friends, our

families, and all of our loved
ones.
Blessed be our mother earth, our
father sky and sun,

Blessed be my beautiful wife,

Sheri,
Blessed be our brilliant son,
James,
Mike opens one eye and glares at Eva.
MIKE (CONT.)
Blessed be his girlfriend....Eva...
who has come to our home today.
Thank you for the delicious meal we
are about to eat on this chilly,
Christmas Eve.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

SHERI, JAMES, AND EVA

Amen.
EVA
This looks delicious, Mrs. Brown.
Thank you.

SHERI
Thank you, sweetheart.
Sheri sighs. Mike is uncomfortable. Eva stands.

EVA
Excuse me while I use the restroom.
Eva leaves. James turns to Mike. He looks disgusted.

MIKE
So have you two...you know...
JAMES
C’mon, dad! You know I’m waiting
for marriage! Jesus is always
watching, dad.
MIKE
(relieved)
Thank God. She has chlamydia.