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Katie Kilpatrick

Prof. Meyers

English 1101

6 Sept 2018

Gaining Confidence

The classroom felt like it was closing in on me. Everyone was staring, waiting for my

reply. I could feel the sweat dripping down my forehead. I had read the book, I knew the

material, but still, speaking an answer out loud to a room full of my peers terrified me. “What if

my answer is wrong?” “What if what I say is stupid and everyone laughs?” These thoughts kept

going through my mind every time I wanted to answer. When I finally had enough confidence to

say what I wanted to say, class would be almost over and my teacher would end the discussion,

leaving me with a C for that day. Upset with myself, I left the classroom feeling defeated, but

still determined to come back next time and just say something.

Speaking in front of people has always been a hard task for me. Ever since elementary

school, when we started doing whole class discussions, I have had very low confidence when

trying to speak my answers in front of my classmates. I could never bring myself to say

anything, which in turn got me bad grades for those assignments. I have always been a person to

get straight A’s so these discussions terrified me. I would always prepare intensely the night

before, staying up way too late just to prepare multiple ways I could say what I needed to say.

But still, the preparation wasn’t enough. I felt like what I wanted to say was stupid, or someone

would say it before I had enough confidence to say it first. My fear of public speaking clung to

me from elementary school through sophomore year of high school, and I just couldn’t shake it.
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Then, junior year came. My Pre-AP English teacher had a rigorous schedule with class

discussions taking up most of the curriculum. I could feel the dread working its way through my

body when she told the class. I had done everything I’d done in the past, reading intensely and

taking an abundance of notes. I stayed up most of the night before our first discussion, going

over everything that I could say about that book that held meaning. I woke up exhausted and the

terror built up inside me throughout the day as I waited for my last period english class. I

couldn’t focus on math, science, or even government. I could only think about what I would say.

Last period came and I reluctantly walked in to class. The discussion came and went and I still

couldn’t squeeze a single word in. All of my preparation wasn’t enough for me to get over my

fear. I was upset with myself because I thought this would finally be the year. I decided to talk to

my teacher about how I was feeling and that I was really struggling and getting a low grade in

the class was just not acceptable. She was nice and understood where I was coming from. She

knew I was trying my hardest and gave me the opportunity to only have to speak once instead of

twice to get an A for the assignment. I told her I would work on it, and I did. I was thankful for

this opportunity and I wanted to take advantage of the fact that she was allowing me to do this.

She had me in her best interest and really wanted me to succeed, which motivated me to work

harder at getting over my fear. I told myself that only speaking one time would be less pressure

and a lot easier than finding time to speak twice.

The next discussion came and I was nervous. I knew I was prepared and I knew what to

say. We began the discussion and nobody wanted to go first. I spoke up and began the

discussion. I was smiling, my teacher was smiling, and my friends were so proud of me. Relief
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flooded over me. I had done it. The one thing about school that terrified me, I had conquered. No

one had laughed and no one thought I was stupid. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. My

teacher had given me at least a little bit more confidence to be able to speak in front of people.

Throughout the rest of the year, speaking in discussions and doing other presentations for other

classes became gradually easier. I realized that no one would make fun of me and we were all

going through the same thing. Thanks to my English teacher, I began to build up the confidence I

needed to become better at public speaking.