Quixotic Qwednesday

Page numbers for info

153, 323, 573-577, 354-359, 359-360

Title Ideas-
Producer Friday
Weird Wednesday
Legendary Loserday
1. Quixotic Qwednesday
Informational Video
Mickey Mouse Monday

Characters

- Ehmuh: ​Producer - Babs

- Ghayde: ​Director - Delphine
- Cheelee: ​Actress - Bambina
- Maghdye: ​Producer’s secretary- Koyyote

Quick Plot Synopsis-

Director and Producer are having a fight. Director doesn’t think the Producer does much
for the betterment of the show. The next day, the Producer and Director have switched bodies.
Mayhem is everywhere. Then they make up. Now they are themselves again. Woo

SCENE ONE

(It is the set of a play, probably in the south. An actress (​Bambina​) is seen in the distance
powdering her nose. It is plain that there has not been much advancement in practice due to
arguments.)
*Camera pan up to ​Director​ and P​ roducer​ having a fight*

Delphine​: Are you kidding me??!?!?!!?!?!?!? What do you mean “​We can’t afford the authentic
Chinese pottery from the 2nd Century”​? Are you stupid! Oh my god, OH My GOd. You do
nothing to help this play. AGHggh.

Babs​: Listen, Delphine. I’m doing my best but this just isn’t feasible. Look, I’m going to try to let
you down slowly here, your show sucks.

Delphine: ​Okay, you look. YOU SUCK.

 ​ ambina​ rises and walks to ​Delphine ​and ​Babs.​)
(B
Bambina: ​(To Babs) L ​ isten sugar, I’m tired and I’m going to go home. We barely got ten
minutes of rehearsal in today.

Delphine: ​(To Bambina) ​YOU suck TOO.

Bambina: ​I’m being paid by the hour, right? So I can listen to you insult me all day while I get
big bucks?

Babs: ​Wrong, actually. You don’t get paid by the hour.

Bambina: ​No offense, honey, but how would you know.

Babs: ​I’m the producer. It’s my job to know. ​Every​one gets paid after ​every​ performance, and
it's my job to make sure that the audience shows up and the money comes in.

Delphine: ​Yeah right. You just sit back and PRETEND to work while I slave away behind the
scenes, making sure every detail is correct.

Babs: ​Delphine, I get that you’re upset right now because I said no to the Authentic Chinese
Pottery from the 2nd Century, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Delphine: ​No, YOU don’t know what you’re talking about. All you do is argue, complain, and
say no.

Babs: ​Delphine-

Delphine: ​NO! CAST AND CREW! Practice is OVER for today. Everyone go home. See you
tomorrow.

Babs: ​Remember, opening night is in three days!

Delphine: ​*Under her breath* ​Opening night is in three days​. Hmph. Like you care.

Bambina: ​Sooooo…. Still not getting paid by the hour?

Delphine: ​Goodbye, Bambina.

*Bambina exits*
*Delphine starts to walk out*

Babs:​ Delphine, wait. I can’t have us arguing like this.

Delphine: ​You know, Babs, there would be NOTHING to argue about if you wouldn’t stop me
from what I want all the time.

Babs: ​I understand you’re upset. It’s just that we don’t have it in our budget at this point.

Delphine: ​Whatever.

*Delphine Exits, Babs stays in place, dazed and confuzed*

(Babs walks outside, scene changes. The sky is dark and full of stars. Babs sees a shooting
star and makes a wish)

Babs: ​I wish they’d understand.

SCENE TWO

(Split Screen. On the left, we see ​Babs​. On the right, we have ​Delphine​.They are both asleep,
and their alarm clocks both buzz off simultaneously. They wake up, and walk into the bathroom
They rub their eyes, and finally look in the mirror. Finally, after the realization…)

Babs and Delphine: ​*Macaulay Culkin-esque*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SWITCHED BODIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delphine: ​*Laughing*

Babs: ​no, no, No, NO, NO!!!!

*Split screen stops, pan in on Babs*

Babs: ​You’ve got to be kidding me. Is this a dream? Wake up *pinch*. Okay, now wake up
*pinch*. I ​said,​ WAKE UP *pinch*.

*Babs’ phone starts ringing*

Babs: ​*Hesitantly* Um… Hello? No wait, *changes voice to be deeper* Hello?

Koyyote: ​Hey Babs. Just calling to make sure you’re ready for the TV interview! Remember to
be at the studio at 7. I’ll meet you there.

Babs: ​Right, what studio again?

Koyyote: ​The one on Richmond Avenue.

Babs: ​Oh, right. I’m sorry, uh… I got a new phone? Who is this?
Koyyote: ​Hahaha, oh Babs. Always on it.

*Phone hangs up*

Babs: ​Okay… What?

(A text pops up on Babs’ phone. We see it’s from Delphine)

Babs: ​*Reading the text aloud* Hey Delphine. I see we switched bodies. Good luck. Don’t make
me late.

(We see ​Babs​ reply​ HOW DID YOU KNOW MY PASSWORD FREAK​)

(Delphine replies ​Birthdays don’t make very secure passwords)

Babs: ​AGGHHhhGGHHHGHHGHGHGHHGHHHHGHHGHGHGHGG

(Dramatic transition music or something)

SCENE THREE

(​Babs ​is seen walking into a building. Upon entering, We see ​Koyyote​, who B​ abs​ still doesn’t
know, and B ​ ambina​ is also there too in addition. Delphine is nowhere to be seen)

Koyyote: ​There you are Babs! Right on time, just as usual. But uh, what are you wearing?

Bambina: ​Sweetie, you look like a trash can.

(We see ​Babs​ dressed in weird clothes that don’t at all match ​Babs’​ actual style. Resembles
what D​ elphine ​would wear.)

Babs: ​Uhhh… I’m wearing interview clothes?

Koyyote: ​Oh well I’ll just tell them to only film above the shoulders. Classic Babs (​nervous
chuckle)

*Interviewer enters*

Interviewer: ​Good morning guys! Happy to see you all here. I’m just going to be finishing up
makeup and then we’ll get right to the interview. Make yourselves at home.
 *Interviewer exits*
(​Babs ​flops onto adjacent couch or chair or such)

Babs: ​Right…. So… What? Why are we here?

Koyyote: ​*Skeptical* Well, you have a show coming up, right?

Babs: ​Uhh right yeah ok I knew that uh huh

Koyyote: ​And you are producing that show?

Babs: ​Yip?

Bambina: ​Are you okay? You seem a little out, honey. Like you’re not in the room.

Babs: ​Oh yea totally haha…. I’m… fine. Just bought a new brand of soy milk that’s all lolololol
*says lolololol phonetically*

*Bambina and Koyyote exchange nervous looks as the Interviewer returns*

Interviewer: ​Alright, my crew has everything set up. This is just a normal interview, pretend, or,
ACT, like you’re not nervous! Plus, I’m sure you’ve done this thousands of times ;)

*Interviewer is obviously saying this because Babs looks like she’s going to be sick*

Voice: ​And Five, Four, Three, Two…

Interviewer: ​Hello, and welcome to ​Good Morning America in the Midday ​with your host,
George Stephanopoulos. I’m George Stephanopoulos. Today, we’re going to delve into the
making of the biggest theater production this year, ​Second Century China and Me.​ Here we
have the producer of the show Babs Broccoliininneeii. ​(pronounce broccolini)

Babs: ​Oh, uh, you know, Actually it’s pronounced Babs Brocolnininininininin

​ h, your last name ​is​ pronounced Broccolini

Koyyote:​ ​(Whispered from off set) U

Babs: ​*Audibly* Oh… It’s… polish.

Interviewer: ​Umm okayyy… Well, Ms. Brocollini, We’re happy to have you here. Let’s start with
your past. How did you become a producer?

Babs: ​*Freaking out, hyperventilating* Uh hey I NEED to go to the bathroom. Really bad. I have
to pee. In the bathroom. I’ll be right back. In a minute.
 *Babs leaves, reenters*

Babs: ​I promise I’ll be back. For real. Just one second.

Interviewer: ​This is live!

Babs: ​Um no… I’m a producer. Just cut that out in editing duuhUHUH

Interviewer: ​*Nervously*​ Uhh… And now a word from our sponsors :D

(Scene cut to the bathroom, ​Babs​ gets out phone and calls ​Delphine​. Split Screen. D
​ elphine​ is
at home, watching TV)
____________________________________________________________________________
__
Babs: ​Babs! You NEED to help me.

Delphine:​ Are you kidding me Delphine? What do you need help with?

Babs: ​They’re asking me thousands of questions about being a PRODUCER. Which is YOUR
JOB. I don’t know anything about what you do. Please please
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee help me.

Delphine: ​So you’re saying my job has value?

Babs: ​BABS NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS.

Delphine: ​Fine. I’ll text you everything you need to know. Just stay on the phone call so I can
hear the questions.

*Babs returns from the bathroom, looking more calm but still acting awkward. She sits in the
chair opposite from the interviewer*

Interviewer: ​AND welcome back to ​Good Morning America in the Midday w​ ith George
Stephanopoulos. I’m George Stephanopoulos. We’re back with Babs Broconnilii to discuss her
​ efore our break we were just asking Babs how
newest play, ​Second Century China and Me. B
she became a producer. Care to elaborate, Babs?

Babs: ​(Awkwardly looks down in lap, assumedly at her phone. Then sunnily:) ​Of course,
​ eople can become producers in many different ways. They can take up creative
George.​ P
apprenticeships, have a variety technical experiences, or go down the vocational route, but I
personally, got a Bachelor of Arts in production at Producer University in New York City. Almost
as good as Princeton, but definitely way better than Columbia.
Interviewer: ​Hahahahaha, I went to Columbia! We must be long lost arch rivals ;)

Babs: ​HAHAHA oh George, always joking around. Anyway, becoming a producer takes a lot of
time. In their early years, prospective producers are usually “climbing up the corporate ladder”
(makes hand quotation marks). T ​ herefore, it’s extremely important to build connections right off
the bat. Take for example J.J. Abrams, an extremely well known filmmaker and producer. He
was born in LA and his father was a television producer, his mother was an executive producer,
and his sister was a screenwriter. Because of his family’s connections he was able to
seamlessly slip into the film business. He wrote the score for a B grade horror movie at the age
of 15, and in his senior year of college, he wrote the basis for ​Taking care of Business​, starring
Charles Grodin and James Belushi. It takes a lot of hard work to become a producer though, not
only networking and luck.

Interviewer: ​Ahh, I see. Speaking of famous producers, where do you draw your inspiration?
What made you want to become a producer?

​ y idol is Jeffrey Seller. He is a theatrical producer who is

Babs: ​(Awkwardly looks at lap again) M
associated with ​Rent, Avenue Q, In the Heights, a ​ nd ​Hamilton.​ He is an alum of the University
of Michigan. He invented rush ticket and lottery ticket policies to make broadway accessible to
more people, and he was a pretty cool dude. On a side note,​ Hamilton ​is actually one of the
highest grossing broadway musicals in history with a box office of $463.3 million.

Interviewer: ​Hahaha cool. So tell us more about ​your ​play, ​Second Century China and Me​!
What was your process in the production of this plikkay?

​ ell, I, (checks again) Uh…. (checks again) Oh!

Babs: ​(awkwardly looks at lap for a third time) W
Haha! I made the poster for the play!

(Koyyote hands the poster to Babs to show)

Interviewer: ​That really shows creativity.

Babs​: Yeah, haha, I tried to envelop the whole show you know? As the directo- PRODUCER I
do a lot of the promotions for the show. I advertise, make the posters, the playbill, heck, what
don’t I do! I have to run ads in the paper, on TV, like now, and make sure there’s awareness
about the show. If no one knows about us, which is impossible due to the stellar directing style
by our very own beautiful and stunning and perfect Delphine, then no people will show up to
audition. Then, if they don’t audition, we won’t have a cast. If there’s no cast, there’s no show.
Not to undermine the crew! They do a lot of work too, but this is about me. Babs. I am Babs. I
digress (nervous chuckle)- If there’s no show there’s no MONEY and that’s bad.
Interviewer: ​Wow! Amazing. Well thank you for joining us Babs! Until next time, Goodbye
America in the Midday! Staying alive! I’m George Stephanopoulos.

*Babs ​looks awkwardly into camera and smiles cheesily*

Babs: ​BYE

Black out
(​Babs​ is seen walking out of the interview building. It is dark, and B
​ abs ​sees a shooting star.)

Babs: ​Wow. I guess Babs’ job really is important. I’m sorry Babs. I want to go back to the way I
was.

(​Babs​ faints)
Improv the last part because I’m too lazy to write it out

(Babs wakes up on the street, confused, hopes the interview went well, the screen cuts to
Delphine who is sitting on her couch watching TV)

Theyre like, AHHHH WE SWITCHED BODIES but happy

(Screen fades to black)

(Five seconds of darkness later we see the set of the stage again, Delphine, Koyyote, and
Bambina are on set)

(Bambina is is background chapsticking, Koyyote walks bye)

Delphine: ​Oh, hey Sarah.

Koyyote: ​My name’s Koyyote?!

(Delphine leaves)

(Koyyote goes outside, we see a full moon)

Koyyote: ​aaaaaaOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo