 Could you describe your parenting style and philosophy when I was

much younger?

high expectations for good behavior, and we would rise to them…kind

but firm…rewards and punishments, counting

 When I made poor choices or misbehaved, did you always see my

needs, desires, and/or feelings as legitimate and worth your time?

Worth our time but I may just be acting extreme because I was tired or
hungry, but sometimes upset

 How did you think rules, boundaries, and limits should be decided?
With or without the child's input? What was your source or reason for
those specific rules?

Parents decided based on gospel principles and their background. Sometimes we

could decide each other’s conscience and wed both get it

 How well did the reality of your style match up with your stated ideals
and philosophies?

They felt they matched, but knew they made mistakes…more effective than
ineffective

 Should children be treated with love, respect, and kindness when they
misbehave? Why or why not? What do you think this might look like?

Of course,…sometimes parents aren’t in check with emotions…need to be calm of

get a time out for everyone until their calm…the child understands and recognizes
the punishment is not from the parent, it’s a natural consequence from their actions

 What does the word "discipline" mean to you and why is important?

Part of the process of becoming obedient or a disciple, coupled with loving,

instruction, fun, etc

Along with teaching self-discipline to be able to handle themselves so they can grow

 What guidance and/or disciplining techniques did you employ and why?
Did it change over time, and if so, why?
 Counting and potential timeout, but less effective for younger
ones…moved to choosing battles and less patience. Removing from the
situation when really younger…. gradually to jobs and lack of privileges

 What do you think is the best way to motivate a child to do something

they don't want to do?

It depends on the child…with pleasers or independence …help them want to do stuff

by working up motivation levels…good better best

 Do you think it is important for a parent to reflect on their own biases,

lens, hypocrisy, and self-justifications? How well do you think you did
that when I was younger?

Extremely important…did well in some areas but some areas she was too worried
about what people think

 What have you learned over the years that you wish you would have
known when raising me? What advice would you offer me in my
current/future parenting?

Its good to be you…you don’t have to be what the parents think unless
its aligned with the gospel

Be confident in my observance

BELOW is what you are supposed to write about!

Items from interview to summarize in your paper
(these are different sections/headings)
1. Summarize the important points you learned from the interview questions (see above in red)

As I interviewed my parents, I learned a lot about them and their parenting styles. They were
a lot more thoughtful in their parenting than I thought and realized more of their weaknesses
than I thought. They had the goal for each of their children that we would be able to make
good choices without them. They tried to do that by using a “good, better, best” strategy.
First, we would want to do something because we would be punished if we didn’t. Then,
later we would do it because we knew it was the right thing to do. As we aged and had
experience, we would do it because we knew it was the right thing to do. They also took our
 personalities in mind. They mentioned that some of us were big people pleasers, and others
like to test their independence. They would then parent us differently. As one of the people
pleasers, though, I do feel a bit misused that they used my stressors to get me to obey and
behave. For those of us that were born first, we often obeyed after the parent counted down
from 3. It was interesting because my dad counted down as an example, and even though I
live away from home half the time, I still felt stresses and uncomfortable as he counted over
the phone. As more children came along, counted stopped working, so they moved to other
things like time out and taking away privileges.

2. How well does your parent(s) responses match up with your memory and perspective of what
you experienced?

It was interesting to hear how my parents remember their parenting styles compared to how I
remember and viewed their parenting styles as a child. They remembered timeouts and
counting, but I remember some soap and spanking. When I brought this up, they said, “oh
yeah, I guess we did do some of that.” They then asked if I had it a lot, and even though
didn’t, I still remember them doing it to my siblings more, which still affected me as a child.
It just seemed normal to use soap or occasionally spank your child a bit. Even though they
didn’t remember doing that much, it definitely stuck out in my memory. It’s kind of sad,
because even though my parents tried their best to see me as a person, mainly the times they
messed up are my main memories. They are human though, and they did their best with the
knowledge that they had. My mom pointed out that she often worried too much about what
people thought of her family, and I do remember being stressed about that. I remember
thinking I need to look good for my mom because she would be annoyed or sad if we didn’t
“look good.” Lately, though, she has been working on getting out of the need-to-be-seen-as
box.

o Feel free to pepper in direct quotes from parents but don't overdo it.
3. What beliefs or practices from your parents would you like to continue for your children and
why?

I love how my parents tried their best. They really loved us and had goals for us. I think I
will try to use righteous goals for my parenting, because I think that is really important. I also
liked how they tried to have moderation as they were doing their best. They tried hard but
didn’t beat themselves up when they made mistakes. I love how they focused on our
differences and strengths. I want to try to focus on my children’s strengths and accept and
encourage them.

4. What would you like to change and why?

I would like to change a few things about my parenting style versus my parents’. They used
soap and spanking, which I would like to avoid and replace it with more loving lessons. I
don’t want my children to be scared of me. They did explain and teach, but I think I was a
little more focused on the punishment. I want to work harder on productive teaching my
children. I want them to learn how to do things for the best reasons. I realize that won’t
happen right away though. I also want to keep my emotions in check. Some of the scariest
 times in my childhood is when my dad lost his temper. This eroded the relationship. I want
my kids to feel comfortable and calm with me.

5. How do you think you can learn from the past without being in a box of your own? In other
words, how can you have compassion and understanding for your parents mistakes, while
avoiding passing down unhealthy attitudes and beliefs?

Please use section headings for each of the questions

above so Bro Rarick can tell what you are addressing
in an organized way