BASKETBALL FIGHT Alicia: What wrong habits of Pepito do you mean, Mama?

By Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero Pilar: For instance, if there are some friends of his you don’t
especially like.
Characters:
Alicia: I don’t like any of his friends.
Alicia
Pilar: See?
Doña Pilar (her mother)
Alicia: But he tells me he doesn’t like some of my friends, either.
Pepito
Pilar: What! Not like your friends? Make him like them then! I
Doña Miguela (his mother)
don’t see why husbands wouldn’t like their wives’ friends.
Time: Sunday morning. Men are so selfish.

Scene: Alicia: Mama, are you sure we haven’t missed any of our friends
in sending out the invitations?
Sala of DOÑA PILAR’S home. At rear center, entrance door. At left, door
to bedroom. At right, a window. Sofa, chairs, tables, etc. Pilar: I haven’t mailed the invitations yet.

When curtain rises, ALICIA is seen looking out of the window. DOÑA Alicia: Not yet. You told me you would mail them yesterday.
PILAR enters, center door. DOÑA PILAR still looks young for a mother. She wears
Pilar: I can do that tomorrow.
saya and camisa.
Alicia: Have you prepared some refreshments?
Pilar: Have they come, Alicia?
Pilar: Oh, yes. I made some sandwiches. That will give Doña
Alicia: Not yet, Mama. I wonder what’s delaying them.
Miguela a chance to notice your domestic qualities.
Pilar: Doña Miguela told me last night that they were coming at
Alicia: I already call her Mama.
ten.
Pilar: Well, I suppose so. Pepito, at least, started calling me
Alicia: It’s ten now.
Mama, last night.
Pilar: But we’re in the Philippines, Hija.
Alicia: Doña Miguela – I mean, my second mama – has never come
Alicia: What do you mean, Mama? here before, has she?

Pilar: We always come late to engagements in the Philippines; Pilar: This is the first time. We have to discuss the last details of
didn’t you know? the wedding. For instance, who’s going to pay for the
breakfast? I think Pepito should take charge of that.
Alicia: But Pepito always gets here on time.
Alicia: The bride pays for the breakfast, doesn’t she? After all,
Pilar: That reminds me. You must start correcting Pepito’s Pepito is already taking charge of the trousseau, the church,
wrong habits. After all, you’re getting married next month. the flowers –
Pilar: (Going to the window). Here they are. (Waving.) Come up, Miguela: (Laughing.) A jewel – my son? Ha, ha, ha! Did you hear that,
Doña Miguela. (Turning to ALICIA.) Go down and open Pepito? A jewel.
the door, Alicia. Oh where’s my handkerchief?
(MIGUELA and PILAR sit on chairs at front right while Alicia
Alicia: (Giving her a handkerchief.) Here, Mama, take this. makes Pepito sit on the sofa.)
Pilar: Why does Doña Miguela seem to be arguing with the taxi Pilar: We were expecting you half an hour ago.
driver?
Miguela: (Laughing.) We heard Mass at eight, but we arrived after the
Alicia: I’ll go down. (She goes out. PILAR keeps waving her hands, and gospel. We had to hear Mass again at nine.
smiling. Presently, she turns about and begins fixing the furniture.
Pepito: Yes, and we had a hard time finding a taxi.
Sounds of laughter and indistinct talk outside. ALICIA enters
followed by MIGUELA and PEPITO. MIGUELA is about Miguela: Ay, these taxi-drivers are a calamity. Imagine the taxi-meter
forty, wears saya and camisa. PEPITO is about twenty-one, good- was out of order and we didn’t know about it until we got
looking, and wears a very red tie.) here. From Sampaloc till here, Malate, the fare should only
be about one peso, but he was charging us two pesos. Can
Miguela: Good morning, Doña Pilar.
you imagine!
Pepito: Good morning, señora.
Pilar: (Gently.) Er – I believe the fare from Sampaloc to this place
Pilar: (As she embraces and kisses MIGUELA, on the cheek – laughing.) is about two pesos.
You can call me Mama now, my son.
Alicia: Mama is right, I think, Doña Miegue – er – Mama.
Miguela: (Laughing.) Of course, of course, and Alicia is my daughter
Miguela: But I am right. Well, anyhow, why talk about taxi-drivers
now.
when we came here for another purpose?
Pilar: Sit down, please. Make yourselves at home. Remember this
Pilar: (Laughing.) Yes, yes, the wedding. Incidentally, I shall mail
is your second home now, Doña Miguela.
the invitations tomorrow.
Miguela: (Laughing.) Of course, I feel as if I were at home. What a
Miguela: Tomorrow? But I thought –
beautiful place you have here!
Pepito: It doesn’t matter, Mama. There are still three weeks left.
Pilar: It’s Alicia’s work. She practically takes care of the house
you know. Miguela: Well, yes, it doesn’t matter.
Pepito: Alicia is a jewel, Mama. Pilar: I believe everything has been arranged.
Miguela: Of course, of course, son, you’ve told me that hundreds of Miguela: Of course, of course, everything’s arranged. The house is
times. all painted and ready. All it needs is the furniture and – the
curtains, of course.
Pilar: Oh, but your son is a jewel, too.
Pepito: Oh yes, Doña Pialr, er – Mama. I went to the house last Pepito: Remember the words engraved inside?
night.
Alicia: (Holding up the ring.) “I love you, Sugar.”
Miguela: I ordered the wedding cake from Doña Mameng.
Pepito: You are sweeter than sugar. You are as sweet as papaya.
Pilar: Oh yes, talking about the wedding cake – er – about the
Alicia: And the cigarette case I gave you?
breakfast?
Pepito: (Getting it off his pocket.) Oh, yes, I consider it so precious I
Miguela: You haven’t had your breakfast yet? We had ours two
don’t want to spoil it by putting cigarettes inside. (He Opens
hours ago. We had bibingka and –
is, closes it brusquely. There are cigarettes inside.)
Pilar: What I meant is – that is –
Alicia: You remember the words?
Miguela: The breakfast is – I mean –
Pepito: How could I forget them? (Reading from the cigarette case.) “I
Pilar: Yes, the breakfast, I suppose is – love you, Handsome.” You really mean that? (She nods.)
Miguela: The bride takes care of that, doesn’t she? Alicia: (Pause.) And you think I’m really sweet?
Pilar: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Pepito: You are far sweeter than all those roses in the world. You
are like a dream sent from heaven – you are like a balsam
Miguela: Talk to me about the breakfast. But it was all agreed wasn’t
to my pains and sorrows –
it?
Alicia: By the way, how are your stomach pains?
Pilar: (Laughing with a deliberate effort.) Let’s not talk about these
things now. Would you care to see the house, Doña Pepito: When I am with you, I feel as healthy as an athlete.
Miguela?
Alicia: Oh, Handsome, when we get married – I mean – do you
Miguela: (Laughing.) Of course, of course, I want to see your kitchen have to hear mass at nine? Why not at six?
specially. I am hungry.
Pepito: For your sake I will hear mass at six from now on.
Pilar: This way, Doña Miguela, this way. (Both go out, center. The
Alicia: I don’t want you to think that I am imposing on you –
moment they leave, ALICIA and PEPITO sit close together and
hold hands.) Pepito: Your will is my will. Whatever you say goes.
Pepito: Well, Sugar, in less than a month we shall be married. Alicia: You like red?
Alicia: Yes, Handsome. Pepito: Red? Of course. When I see red I think of roses and roses
remind me of you.
Pepito: (Holding up her right hand.) And how do you like your
engagement ring, Sugar? Alicia: That’s sweet of you, but don’t you like to wear some other
color?
Alicia: Oh, I love it. I keep staring at it all the time.
Pepito: You don’t like my red tie, Sugar?
Alicia: Blue is better. You look handsome in blue. Miguela: I didn’t know that. My son of course is a La Salle alumnus.
(Laughing again.) Oh, but that game last Sunday, ha, ha, ha,
Pepito: Is that your command?
ha! An the Ateneo was so sure of winning.
Alicia: Not a command, just a wish.
Pilar: (Gently.) But the Ateneo should have won, except for that
Pepito: But your wish is a command to me. So be it. I shall only foul made by Johnny.
wear blue ties from now on.
Miguela: (Looking at her for a brief second.) Excuse me, Doña Pilar, foul
Alicia: I don’t want you to think that I am trying to order your life or no foul, the Ateneo team couldn’t have beaten La Salle.
– In fact, the score should have been 60-49.

Pepito: Why not, Sugar? You may order my life, for I am your Pilar: 60-49?
slave.
Miguela: Well, this Leony of La Salle was given ten foul shots, and
(Laughter outside. MIGUELA and PILAR enter.) unfortunately missed them all.

Miguela: (Laughing.) A nice kitchen indeed. But I saw some
cockroaches in the pantry. I like the house. I like it.
Pilar: You can spend the day here on Sundays.
Miguela: Of course, of course, you spend the day at my home every
second Sunday, and I shall come here the other three
Sundays. (PILAR extracts here handkerchief and touches her nose
with it. The handkerchief has blue borders.)
Miguela: What a nice handkerchief, Doña Pilar.
Pilar: You like it? It is Alicia’s work.
Miguela: The blue borders – very striking. Incidentally talking about
blue reminded me of the basketball game last Sunday.
Pilar: (With no sarcasm, trying to smile.) Doña Miguela, it’s only my
personal opinion, but I think the referee was unfair in
giving that last shot to La Salle.
Alicia: (Gently.) It isn’t only your personal opinion, mama. I think
everybody agreed that the referee was unfair.
Pepito: (Softly.) No, Sugar. I don’t think everybody thought that the
referee was unfair. I think my Mama was right.
(MIGUELA looks complacently at her son. PILAR and
ALICIA stare at each other.)
Miguela: Pepito is right. That las shot made my Addie of La Salle
had to be counted. I saw the ball get inside the basket
myself.

Pilar: What has blue got to do with it? Pilar: Well, no one denies the ball got inside the basket. I saw it
too. But the fact remains that the shot shouldn’t have been
Miguela: (Laughing but with no trace of sarcasm.) Because Ateneo lost to counted.
La Salle – 50-49. You go to the games, Doña Pilar?
Pepito: And why not, Doña Pi-er-Mama?
Pilar: Indeed, I do, but only when Ateneo plays. My husband was
an alumnus of the school, you know. Alicia: Well, you see, because Addie of La Salle pushed Jimmy of
Ateneo, near the goal. You saw that, didn’t you,
Handsome?
Pepito: Er – no – Sugar, I didn’t see it. Addie made a clean shot. It Pepito: But the Ateneo players committed many fouls. This Louis
was Jimmy who pushed Addie. of Ateneo especially, I saw him holding Leony with two
hands.
Pilar: Alicia is right, my son. Addie pushed Jimmy.
Alicia: I was there, but I didn’t see it. Pepito, where were you
Miguela: (Laughing embarrassingly.) Oh, Doña Pilar, if Jimmy had
seated?
pushed Addie, the referee would have seen it.
Miguela: We sat in the fifty-centavo seats. We couldn’t afford
Pilar: That’s just it, Doña Miguela. The referee didn’t see it. The
reserved seats.
public did.
Pilar: We sat in the five-peso seats.
Pepito: But Mama and I were there.
Miguela: Oh, we are not snobbish or aristocrats. We like to sit with
Alicia: I was there, too, with Mama. Don’t you remember?
the La Salle cheering section.
Miguela: I don’t want to start a controversy, Doña Pilar, but this
Pilar: (Grimacing.) But it is so noisy, with all those students and
Jimmy of Ateneo was always complaining. Everytime
kids cheering!
someone touched him he would shout, “Foul, Foul!”
Miguela: Well! Don’t tell me the Ateneo students and kids don’t
Pilar: Doña Miguela, are you suggesting that Jimmy was not a
make a lot of noise too!
sport?
Alicia: (Gently.) You remember when Jimmy was making that foul
Pepito: She didn’t mean that, Doña Pilar; my mother only wished
shot? The La Salle boys kept booing. That wasn’t sportslike.
to imply that this Jimmy complained too much.
Pepito: The Ateneo boys can be accused of the same thing, when
Alicia: But Pepito, you remember Leony of La Salle? In the first
they started booing Addie. (By this time, MIGUELA and her
half somebody touched him and he fell sprawling on the
son are standing in extreme left, PILAR and daughter on extreme
floor –
right. PILAR makes an attempt to be gay.)
Pepito: But, Alicia, if he had been merely touched he wouldn’t
Pilar: Well, we didn’t gather here to discuss the basketball game.
have sprawled on the floor.
Get the sandwiches, Alicia. (As ALICIA is about to enter
Pilar: (With a little sarcasm.) This Leony was always exagerado. He center door, PEPITO goes to her, holds her hand.)
did that several times, too.
Pepito: Let me help you, Alicia. (Both go in.)
Miguela: Did what?
Miguela: (Laughing.) Imagine, we nearly quarreled because of a game.
Pilar: Oh, he would claim a foul when there really was no foul.
Pilar: Yes, yes, how foolish of us. And our children about to be
Everytime somebody touched him he would start
married.
screaming.
Miguela: Before I forget, did you include Doña Pablita and Doña
Francisca in the invitations?
Pilar: I did. Pilar: Is it?
Miguela: Well, I wish you would take off their names. You see they Miguela: Didn’t you know? Were you married by any chance outside
didn’t send me any presents on my last birthday. the Philippines?

Pilar: But I can’t do that, Doña Miguela. Doña Pablita and Doña Pilar: No, right in Malate church.
Francisca are close friends of my family and they have to Miguela: It’s settled then.
be invited.
Pilar: Settled?
Miguela: Doña Pablita and Doña Francisca – are a pair of kuripots!
Miguela: About the breakfast, of course. (Sound of steps.) Pepito is
Pilar: Coming back to the wedding breakfast – coming. We’ll ask him. (ALICIA and PEPITO come in with
a tray of sandwiches.)
Miguela: What about it?
Pilar: Here, place them on this table. These sandwiches were
Pilar: I was just thinking –
made by Alicia.
Miguela: Thinking who’s going to pay for it, am I right?
Miguela: (Tasting one.) Oh, how delicious.
Pilar: Right.
Pepito: Anything that touches Sugar’s hands turns into sugar.
Miguela: What about it?
Alicia: Thank you, Handsome.
Pilar: You just said –
Pilar: (Annoyed.) Er-excuse me, Pepito, I don’t think it advisable
Miguela: I said that you’re thinking who’s going to pay for it. to be calling my daughter, “Sugar.” I mean – it doesn’t
seem in good taste.
Pilar: Exactly.
Miguela: You are right there, Doña Pilar. And your daughter calling
Miguela: Well? my son “Handsome” doesn’t seem quite proper, either.
Pilar: In other words – Not that he isn’t handsome.

Miguela: Yes? Alicia: Just as you say, Doña Miguela.

Pilar: Who’s going to pay for it? Pepito: Doña Pilar is right too.

Miguela: You, of course! Pilar: Talking about curtains –

Pilar: Me! Miguela: Of course, of course, I’ve chosen the curtains already.

Miguela: Alicia, the bride, of course. Pilar: What color?

Pilar: Why of course? Miguela: Red.

Miguela: Because I had to pawn some of my jewels in order to pay Alicia: (Aghast.) Red?
most of the wedding expenses. It’s the custom in the Miguela: It’s Pepito’s favorite color, isn’t it, my son?
Philippines for the bride to pay for the breakfast.
Pepito: (Embarrassed.) Well, – er – er – (As ALICIA stares at him.) Miguela: Pepito is right. That referee was unfair. In last Sunday’s
game if Addie had –
Pilar: But green would be nicer. Green gives to rooms an illusion
of coolness. Pilar: But Addie with full premeditation and consent of the will, pushed
Jimmy. That shot shouldn’t have been counted!
Miguela: These curtains I bought cost me sixty centavos a yard.
(Suddenly bursts out laughing.) Oh, sixty reminds me – Pepito: That’s not true!
Pilar: Of what? Alicia: Are you implying that my mother is lying?
Miguela: Sixty reminds me of the score of La Salle should have made Miguela: I simply didn’t see Addie push Jimmy. Addie was alone
if Leony hadn’t only missed those ten foul shots. when he made that shot.
Alicia: But if Leony had been taught better foul shooting he would Pilar: You used to wear eyeglasses before, didn’t you?
have made them.
Miguela: I swear Addie was standing alone!
Pepito: But Leony is the champion foul shooter of La Salle.
Alicia: It’s a lie! He was right under the goals.
Pilar: Is he? He gave me the impression of not even knowing
how to hold the ball. Pepito: (Sarcastically.) Excuse me, Alicia, are you calling my mother
a liar?
Miguela: Do the Ateneo players practice dribbling? They seem so
deficient in it. Pilar: Hey you! Are you telling my daughter what to do an what
not to do?
Pilar: Deficient? Why, that’s the first thing they are taught.
Miguela: But your daughter was fairly shouting at me!
Alicia: In the game next Sunday, the Ateneo players are sure to
win. Pilar: Fairly shouting! If the La Salle player would only play fair!

Miguela: Are they? I would eat all these sandwiches if Ateneo can Miguela: And if the Ateneo boys would play clean!
beat La Salle next Sunday. Pilar: Clean, ha! My house – this house – is clean, if that’s what
Pilar: But that’s not a fair bet. These sandwiches are ours. you mean!

Miguela: Of course, of course. I’ll bet you three shows at Cine Miguela: But your kitchen is not so clean! It’s full of ipis!
Diliman, then. Pepito: Doña Pilar, that has nothing to do with what we’re
Pilar: But we never go to Cine Diliman. It’s a third-class show. discussing. (ALICIA stares angrily at PEPITO. She goes to
him.)
Pepito: Anyhow, Ateneo can win next Sunday if they have the
same referee as last Sunday’s. Alicia: (Slapping him.) How dare you be insolent to my mother!

Alicia: Are you implying that the referee favors Ateneo? Pepito: I didn’t say anything!

Pepito: Not exactly, but – Alicia: No, but your mother did!
Miguela: (Approaching ALICIA and holding her arm.) How dare you
touch
my son!
Pilar: (Approaching MIGUELA, and forcing her to take her hand off
ALICIA.) And don’t you dare touch my daughter!
(MIGUELA, furious, stares at PILAR.)
Miguela: (Imperiously.) Pepito! Give the cigarette case back to Alicia!
(He places the case on table.)
Pilar: (Just as imperiously.) Alicia! Give back his ring! (ALICIA puts
ring on table, too.)
Miguela: (Snatching up the ring.) “I love you, Sugar.” (Laughing.) Sugar!
Ha! Sugar!
Pilar: (Snatching up the cigarette case.) “I love you, Handsome.”
Handsome! Hmp! Handsome!
Pepito: Sugar! Ha, ha, ha! Saccharine!
Alicia: Handsome! Ho, ho, ho! Conceited!
(MIGUELA and PEPITO proceed to the door. MIGUELA is
about to grab some sandwiches from the tray, but PILAR snatches
the tray away.)
Pilar: I still insist Ateneo could have won last Sunday!
(Just before MIGUELA and PEPITO are about to go, they turn
and give the La Salle cheer.)
Miguela and Pepito: La Salle! Siz-boom-bah! La Salle!
(Not to be outdone, PILAR and ALICIA cheer too.)
Alicia and Pilar: Ateneo, Ateneo! Rah-rah-rah!