Srd jokes

By : soumya ranjan dash

5o jokes in one book

(1)
Once up on a time there was a man named soun. He has a cow.
One day one thief came and took away his cow. In morning sonu
searched the cow everywhere. At last he cried and went to his
neighbour and told the problem. The neighbour told do a police
case in this matter. Sonu told that I have never gone to the police
station. Neighbour said “ don’t worry” go and tell the police that-
it was night time, dogs were barking, stars were twinkling, one
thief came and took away the cow. Sonu went to police station and
said to police that- it was night time, dogs were twinkling, stars
were barking, one cow came and took away the thief. There were
two police station in village. He has gone to another police station
and said there- it was night time , thieves were barking, cow is
twinkling, one dog came and took away the star.
(2)
Once up on a time there lived a girl named jubly. She got a
opportunity from a magical fairy to ask any three things she
wanted. But one chance if she will ask anything her mother – in –
law will get its 100% more. First she ask he needs hundred crore
rupees, her mother – in – law got ten thousand rupees. Second she
asks – make me beautiful. Her mother – in –law is very beautiful,
third give me a small heart attack in which I will not die but her
mother – in – law dies because small heart attack’s 100% is very
powerful

(3)
One person asked a boy that-
Prime minister name ?
I don’t know
What does a hen gives ?
I don’t know
What is the speed of a train ?
The boy said I don’t know. The boy asked the question to his
mother. Mother told all the answers correctly. The boy went to the
man and said that –
Ans Narendra modi gives eggs in 250 km/ph speed
(4)
TEACHER : give an example of collective noun
SONU : a dustbin ( garbage bin )
(5)
Pt teacher : sleep in the ground and do cycling
Sonu stopped cycling
Pt teacher : sonu, why are you not cycling ?
Sonu : sir, my cycle is going down hill

(6)
Mom : did you eat all the cookies ?
Sonu : I did not touch a single one
Mom : that is funny. There is only one left
Sonu : that is the one I did not touch
(7)
Husband’s cigarettes are fallen. He is picking up.
Wife : we shouldn’t pick up anything from the ground
Husband’s lighter fallen. He is picking up.
Wife : we shouldn’t pick up anything from the ground
Wife’s purse fallen. She is going to pick up.
Husband : we shouldn’t pick up anything from the ground
(8)
Sonu’s lollipop fallen. Father said “we will bring a new, this is dirty
One day
Sonu’s mother fallen while working in the kitchen
Father came and told we should take mother to hospital
Sonu : papa we will bring a new mother, this is dirty

(9)
Sonu’s father gave him H.W to write a essay on dog
Father after coming home : have you written the essay ?
Sonu : when I am going to write on it, it ran away
(10)
Once up on a time an old man has no hair in chins and one old
women has no baby. They went to doctor. He gave them
medicine. at 8o’clock when it was the time to eat medicine, the
electricity gone – the man took woman medicine and woman took
man medicine. Next day man is pregnant, woman is looking like
monkey.
(11)
Father : what about your mark ? sonu
Sonu : I got 20%
Father : it is written 10% in marksheet
Sonu : other 10% will come to bank account directly
Father : how your such bad mark come ?
Papa I have all questions correctly
Father : what are the questions?
When did mahatma Gandhi born ?
Father : what do you say ?
In his birthday
Deepu sultan died in which war ?
Father : what did you say ?
In his last war
Ganga flows in which state ?
Father : what did you say ?
In liquid state
1 month later …………………..
Father : I am seeing sonu you are not going to school from many
days.
Sonu : papa you have only said that if you go to one place regularly
then your respect becomes less
(12)
Mother : are you sure you washed the salad properly ?
Sonu : of course I did – I even used soap!
(13)
Sonu : I think I am not feeling well today. I think I won’t go to
school today .
Mother : where do you not feeling well ? in your head ? in your
stomach ?
Sonu : in school.
(14)
Sonu : aunty pam kissed me today.
Mom : and did you kiss her back.
Sonu : shame on you. Why I will kiss her back. I have kissed her
face.
(15)
Father : you have failed. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself ?
Son : but father, I have the highest markamong those who have
failed
(16)
College student : I really would like to have a car,dad.
Dad : a car, then what will you do with the to feet god has given
you ?
College student : I will put one on the acceletor an other on the
brake.
(17)
Father : what questions were asked to you in the exam today ?
Son : what is the thing you don’t like at all ?
Father : and what did you write ?
Son : nothing, I just pasted the question paper on the answer
sheet.
(18)
Sonu : dad, willyou plese buy me a drum ?
Dad : n one condition – you will not disturb me.
Sonu : it’s a deal—I will only play it when you are sleeping.
(19)
Father : How many answers were wrong ?
Sonu : one
Father : only one ? what about other nine ? were they all correct ?
Sonu : the other nine ? O, I didn’t write those answers at all!
(20)
Sonu : mummy, I think our neighbours are very poor.
Mother : why do you think so ?
Sonu : they are so worried today when the baby swallowed a 25
paise coin.
(21)
Mother : sonu, if your bed is tidy tomorrow morning, I will give
you a tenner for ice cream
Next morning, mother is surprised to see a neat and tidy bed
Mother : I can’t believe it. How did you manage it, sonu ?
Sonu : simple. I slept on the floor last night
(22)
Mother : how many sums did teacher give in the test today.
Sonu : five
Mother : and did you get them all right ?
Sonu : except the first two and last three.
(23)
Father : you should really be ashamed of yourself. See how many
certificates your sister has got, wheather in academic or in sport
field.
Sonu : but dad I too, have got a certificate
Father : which one?
Sonu : my birth certificate.
(24)
Sonu (at the dining table ) : papa do we also eat insect with our
food ?
Papa : what silly questions you ask. We will talk about this after
dinner.o
And then after the dinner—
Papa : yes, now what were you asking me ?
Sonu : its not important any more. There were two insect in your
vegetable at dinner time.

(25)
Sonu : I just saved your some money
Dad : how’s that ?
Sonu : I won’t need new books next year. I am staying in the same
class again.
(26)
Wife : What’s today’s date ?
Husband : I don’t know.
Wife : but your reading the news paper
Husband : that won’t helps because its yesterdays paper
(27)
Monu : can you stand on your head ?
Sonu : no, its too high
(28)
Wife : why do you go out to the balcony when I sing ? don’t you
like to hear me ?
Husband : it isn’t that, dear. I just don’t want the neighbours to
think that- I am beating you.

(29)
Wife : what will you do if I die ?
Husband : I’ll go crazy
Wife : will you not remarry ?
Husband : a crazy man can do any thing.
(30)
Monu : I am putting on too much of weight. What should I do ?
Sonu : push yourself away from the dining table, three times a day .
(31)
Monu : if you found a 100rupee note will you keep it?
Sonu : no
Monu : that is like a good boy. what would you do with it ?
Sonu : spend it
(32)
Monu : my father shaves twice a day.
Sonu : that is nothing. My father shaves 40 to 60 times a day
Monu : that is impossible
Sonu : he is a barber
(33)
Monu : my father is a great musician. When he plays the veena 100
of people stand.
Sonu : when my father plays his instrument, 1000 of people leave
there work and go away.
Monu : great, what dose he plays ?
Sonu : the siren in the mill.
(34)
Monu : what is the best way to avoid the road accident ?
Sonu : travel by train
(35)
Monu : What do you call a person who paints a car ?
Sonu : car painter
(36)
How many times you can divide10 in 100
Ans.
1time , after that it is divided with 90

(37)
Tonu : how many seconds are there in a year ?
Sonu : 12
Tonu : how ?
Sonu : 2nd January
2nd February
2nd march
2nd April
2nd may
2nd June
2nd July
2nd august
2nd September
2nd October
2nd November
2nd December

(38)
Tonu : hey what has happen to your hand ?
Sonu : we had a question for homework—how many teeth does a
cow have ?
I put my hand in the cow’s mouth to count her teeth and she
clamped her mouth to count my finger.
(39)
Tonu : why are you jumping on the potatoes
Sonu : I want mashed potatoes
(40)
Sonu : if I throw a peanut to the elephant, why won’t he eat it ?
Monu : I don’t know
Sonu : because the peanut is made of plastic. Okay. If I throw a
real peanut, why won’t the elephant eat it ?
Monu : I don’t know
Sonu : because the elephant is made of plastic
(41)
Monu : nobody loves me, nobody understands me. The whole
world hates me.
Sonu : that’s not true. Many people in the world don’t know you
also.
(42)
Tonu : you look really foolish to me while wearing this specs with
thick lens glasses
Sonu : yeah, but if I remove them, you will look foolish to me.
(43)
Sonu : yesterday I saw my nephew for the first time- he is rather
small, has a fat belly, no hair and he drinks all the time.
Tonu : (gasp!)for heaven’s sake, how old is he ?
Sonu : three months
(44)
Sonu : what is it – mama has them, papa has them, but we don’t.
Tonu : don’t know
Sonu : children
(45)
Sonu : I just saved the life of a begger.
Tonu : you did ? how ?
Sonu : welli asked him that what if I give you a 2000 rupees.
He said I will die of happiness
I saved his life by not giving the 2000

(46)
Sonu : which dog has no tail ?
Tonu : I don’t know
Sonu : hot dog
(47)
Which gate is the smallest ?
Colgate
(48)
Which is the smallest room ?
Mushroom
(49)
Which nari (women) never dances ?
Dictionary
(50)
Boy to police : come quick. My father and a neighbour have been
fighting for the last half an hour and the neighbour is beating my
father.
Police : fighting for half an hour ! why didn’t you call me earlier ?
Boy : because earlier my father was beating him up

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