You love someone,

You marry someone else !

The one you marry becomes your spouse !

And the one you loved becomes …………..

the password of your email id !!

There’s only one perfect child in the world and

every mother has it.

There’s only one perfect wife in the world and

every neighbor has it.

———————————————————

Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects…

———————————————————

Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails.

If the kidney fails ……… the liver manages with

other kidney !!

———————————————————
Generation Next Motto:

Neither will I marry

Nor I will allow my children to marry !!

———————————————————

What’s the difference between

Drug and Wine ?

Drug is like a girlfriend that comes with an

expiry date.

Wine is like a wife, The older it gets, longer the

chatter !

———————————————————

The Japanese have produced a camera that has

such a fast shutter speed that it is capable of
taking a picture of a woman with her mouth
shut!!!

_____________________________________________________
_________ Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY
YEAR
_____________________________________________________
_________
Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100
letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

_____________________________________________________
_________
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar
asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a
foreigner?

_____________________________________________________
_________
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

_____________________________________________________
_________
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but
I don't know who is Jayanthi.

_____________________________________________________
_________
When sardar was traveling with his wife in an
auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are
trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

_____________________________________________________
_________
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd
floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my
imagination! !!

ni
dokidos

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know
current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE
BILL.

_____________________________________________________
_________
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her
chappals are new

_____________________________________________________
_________
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my
wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable
exchange offer!!!

_____________________________________________________
_________
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
 _____________________________________________________
_________
Sardar attending an interview in Software
Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there
sir.

_____________________________________________________
_________
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its
landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay " Air
hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

_____________________________________________________
_________
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS,
KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government
holidays...! !!

_____________________________________________________
_________
Sir: What is difference between Orange and
Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of
Apple is not APPLE
Teacher: Name the liquid which changes to
solid when heated
Tintumon: Dosa
Bus Cunductor: Why are you standing near the
door, is your father a watchman?
Tintu Mon: Why are you always asking for
“Change”, Is your father a Beggar ??

A professor to tintumon: “what is attention

deficit hyperactive disorder?”
tintumon: “JIMBALAKDI BAMBA”
professor: “i dont understand anything”
tintumon: “same 2 you”

Father to Tintumon: Why can’t you not think

every woman as your mother?
Tintumon: I can, but if i did so, what will people
think of you?

Teacher : What is “Al2 O3″ ?

Ramu : Alumina.
Teacher: Tintu, What is ‘Fe2 O3″?
Tintumon : “Filomina”

Teacher :What is the name of Gandhiji’s son?

Tintumon: Dineshan
Teacher :Why?????
Tintumon : Mahatma Gandhi is the father of di-
neshan

Q. What did the teddy bear say when he was

offered dessert?

A. No thanks, I'm stuffed!

Q. Who sits on babies?

A. A babysitter.
Q. What has arms and legs, but no head?

A. A chair!

Q. What runs but never walks?

A. Water!

Q. What is white when it's dirty and black when

it's clean?

A. A blackboard!

Q. What did the light say when it was turned

off?

A. I’m delighted!

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?

A. A coin!

Q. What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a

bath?

A. Stinkerbell!

Q. What is the richest kind of air?

A. Millionaire.
Q. Why did the girl throw the clock out the
window?

A. Because she wanted to see time fly!

Q. Which is faster, cold or heat?

A. Heat, you can catch a cold!

Q. What jam can't be eaten on toast?

A. A traffic jam!

Q. Why did the golfer wear two sets of pants?

A. In case he got a whole in one!

Q. What two things can't you have for dinner?

A. Lunch and breakfast!

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?

A. He got fed up with the whole business!

Q. What's the hottest letter in the alphabet?

A. 'B', because it makes oil...Boil!

Q. Why did the pony cough?

A. He was a little hoarse!

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?

A. He had no body to go with!

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?

Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve
everyone.

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway
Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I
can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too
heavy.
Why was Santa writing the exam near the
door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Santa:I tried calling you up so many times. I

always got a message saying, "Switched off".
Banta: Nahi Pape that’s my 'Hello Tune'
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his
house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs
and still managed to catch it. How did he do
that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten
minutes slow.

Titanic k saath Santa bhi doob raha tha aur

Hans bhi raha tha.

Dost: Oye hans kiyun raha hai??

Santa: Accha hua maine Return ticket nahi
khareeda...

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in

which two words of
contradictory meaning are brought together:-

Read till end

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies

And the BEST of all......

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

11) Happily Married

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa: Today is Sunday I wanna njoy, so I

bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and

your parents
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade
ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko
dekhne ka samay
9am-11am

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak

gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale
mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai?

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success
hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Boy asks: Tute hue dil se pyar karogi, ya dil

tutne tak pyar karogi.
Girl replies: Tute hue sandal se pitoge ya
sandal ke tutne tak pitoge.

Wah Prabhu kya teri Leela hai

Chuha Billi se darta hai,

Billi Kutte se darti hai,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.

Today' s Students
Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student: He is the one who helped Munna Bhai
to impress his girlfriend!

Teri zulfo mein kho jaana

chahata hoon,
Teri zulfo mein kho jaana
chahata hoon...
Par tu tel hi itna lagati hai ki
har bar fisal jata hoon..

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married

After marriage, lots of students gather at their
home ..... why ???
because her name becomes Vidya Pitt
(vidyapeeth)

rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri

shaadi nahi ho paaa
rahi........ . .......... ......... ......... ......

sonia gandhi --> kyun beta???????? ????????

rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia
ko bahumat do
 BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he
became an ordinary man...
why?
Because he became
MAMU LEE!

santa and banta r discussing-- -------

santa----- "if i drink coffee, i can't sleep!!!!"

Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i

can't drink
coffee."

One day Ravan went to a

disco....... ......... ......... ..
 aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho
gaya ............ .......
kyun???????? ????????? ??
kyun???????? ??????

bcoz it was written on the gate that "entry

fee Rs.1500 per head"

who made Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......
Think......
okay.....

" KAILASH KHER "

tere naam se " G " loon....

Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold

biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyon??????
Think....... ......

Give up??
Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."

Ek nadi thi......
uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....
pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......
sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy??????

........
..........
Keep Guessing.... ..
........
........
Chalo yaar....the answer is

"KISNA"
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai
 if a CAT crosses ur way,
when u are going some where,
then what does it mean????????
?????????

?????????

?????????

it means that the Cat is also going

somewhere.

AND FINALLY THE LAST ONE NOT THE LEAST

Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF

SILVER"

And Why are American husbands called

"MADE OF GOLD"

Socho
 Thoda sur Socho
?

Socho Socho....
?
Nahi Aata
Bcoz

Indian wives call their husband "A g"

(Scientific Symbol for Silver)

American wives call their husband "A u"

(Scientific Symbol for Gold....)

Khushi thodi si hi sahi . . .

Maine aap ko bahut pakaya na?

Ab aap bhi aap ke friends ko ye mail bhej ke

pakao

फुटकळ िवनोद:

गावात वीज
येणार असलया मुळे सगळे लोक नाचत होते ...... तयात एक कुता िह
नाचत
होता.... लोकानी िवचारले " तू का खुश आहेस ? " .........
तयावर कुता महणाला " वीज येईल तर खाब पण लागतील ना !!!!!!! :)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

आजोबा - अरे बनया जरा माझी कवळी आण.

बनया - अहो आजोबा अजून सवयंपाक झाला नाहीये!!
आजोबा - मािहतीये रे.......
... समोरचया गोखले आजीना समाईल दायची
आहे!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
मुलगा - बाबा माझया वगातला एक मुलगा मला gay असं िचडवतो.
बाबा - मग २ सणसणीत कानाखाली दे ना तयाचया.
.
.
....
.
.
.
मुलगा - नको बाबा, तो फार cute आहे!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
भाडेकर:- अहो मालक राती घरी उंदीर खूप नाचतात हो ...!
.
.
.
.
....
.घरमालक:- अरेSSS.....!१५० रपये भाडयाचया खोलीत मग काय
सुरेखा पुणेकर नाचवू का!?!?!!!!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
पतकाराने एका जखमीला िवचारले," जेवहा बॉंमब पडला तेवहा तो फुटला
होता का?"
जखमी रागाने महणाला," नाही.......बॉमब गडगडत माझयाजवळ आला
आिण पेमाने महणाला
.
.
....
.
.
.
.
"धडाम धपप"!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
बायको - अहो ऐकलंत का, मला वाटतं आपली मुलगी कोणाचयातरी पेमात
पडली आहे.
नवरा - कशावरन???
.
....
.
.
बायको - अहो आजकाल ती पॉकेटमनी मागत नाहीये.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

हेडमासतर- का रे बंडया शाळेत यायला आज उशीर का झाला?

बंडया - काय करणार बाईक खराब झाली होती सर.
हेडमासतर - बसने येता येत ं नवहतं का गधडया?
...
बंडया - मी महटलं होतं सर पण तुमची मुलगी ऐकेल तर शपपथ.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

एकदा नवरा बायको Discovery बघत असतात.

channel वर महैस िदसते....
नवरा बायकोला : ती बघ तुझी नातेवाईक
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
बायको : अयया! सासूबाई !!

Laugh and the class

laughs with you.
But you get
detention
alone !
!
Mother: What did you
learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you
write?
Son: I don't know,
they haven't taught us
how to read yet!

Teacher: Class, we
will have only half
days school this
morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will
have the other half
this afternoon
Student: The brain
is a wonder full
thing
Teacher: Why do
you say that?
Student: Because it
starts working the
second you get up
in the morning and
never stops until
you get asked a
question in class!
Teacher: Be sure
that you go straight
home
Student: I can't, I
live just round the
corner!

TEACHER : What is
an island ?
Pupil : A piece of
land surrounded by
water except on one
side.
TEACHER :On one
side ?
Pupil : Yes, on top !

TEACHER :Give me
three reasons why
the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad
says so, my mum
says so and you say
so !

TEACHER : What
shape is the world in?
Pupil : Rotten !

TEACHER : Why
does you geography
exam have a big zero
over it.
Pupil : It's not a
zero, the teacher ran
out of stars, so she
gave me a moon
instead !

TEACHER :What's
you name ?
Class : Ravi
TEACHER : You
should say "Sir"
Pupil : OK, Sir
Ravi !

TEACHER : I want
you to tell me the
longest sentence you
can think of
Pupil : Life
imprisonment !

TEACHER : Name
four members of the
cat family
Pupil : Daddy cat,
mummy cat and two
kittens !

TEACHER : What is
further away,
Australia or the
Moon ?
Pupil : Australia,
you can see the
Moon at night !

TEACHER : Ravi,
can you find me
Australia on the map
please ?
Pupil :There it is
TEACHER : Now,
Ravi, who discovered
Australia ?
Pupil : I did !

Pupil : I wished we
lived in the olden
days
TEACHER : Why is
that ?

TEACHER :What
kind of birds do you
find in captivity?
Pupil : Jailbirds !
TEACHER : What is
the plural of mouse ?
Pupil :Mice
TEACHER : Good,
now what's the plural
of baby ?
Pupil : Twins !

TEACHER : What's
the longest word in
the English
language ?
Pupil : Smiles -
because there is a
mile between the first
and last letters !

TEACHER :: I
despair, Ravi, how do
you manage to get so
many things wrong in
a day ?
Pupil : Because I
always get here early
 sir !
TEACHER : What do we do with crude
oil ?
Pupil : Teach it some manners!

Why did the knight run about shouting

for a tin opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour !

Why were the early days of history called

the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
When a teacher closes his eyes, why
should it remind him of an empty
classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

If there are ten cats in a boat and one

jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!
Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first
time!

Teacher: Are you good at math?

Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

Why did the teacher marry the

janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet!

Why were the teacher's eyes

crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!

Why did the teacher write the lesson

on the windows?
He wanted the lesson to be very clear!
 What is the center of gravity?
The alphabet V !

What is the Great Depression?

when you get a bad report card.

Why did the class clown give a dog

biscuit to Reeta?
Because he heard she was the teacher's
pet!

Why don't you see giraffes in

elementary school?
Because they're all in HIGH School!

Who should be your best friend at

school?
Your princi-pal!
 How do you spell Hard Water with 3
letters?
ICE!

What school do you greet people in?

Hi School!

Why was the student’s report card all

wet?
Because it was below C ( sea ) level.

What is 5Q + 5Q?
10Q........You're Welcome!

Why did Ravi take a ruler to bed?

Because he wanted to see how long he
slept!
Ads

Latest Santa Banta Jokes

Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now

that we are married ,do you think you can
live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse
dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live
on?”

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his

house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs
and still managed to catch it. How did he do
that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten
minutes slow.
Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to
know under what name she had saved his
number. When he dialed his number form
her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

Santa is checking out of a hotel when

suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The
toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to
the lobby to use the men’s room but none of
the stalls are free. He runs back to his room
,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then
he puts the plant back and leaves. A week
later he gets a postcard from the hotel that
says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell
us…….where is it?”

Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for

dinner. This was her first time meeting the
family so she was tremendously nervous.
This along with the broccoli she ate gave
her a little gas so she let out a small
noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud
enough for the family to hear. Right then
Santa’s father shouted at the dog sitting
next to her chair, “Ginger!”. She was
relieved. Next time she let out a louder one
and again Santa’s father shouted at the
dog, “Ginger!” he said. Finally she let a
really loud one out that sounded like a train
whistle and the father said “Ginger!!!!! Move
from there before she shits on you!!!”

Santa walks into a bar, sits down and

orders a beer. As he sips the beer he hears
a soothing voice say “nice tie”. He looks
around and is baffled to see that there is no
one there except him and the bartender at
the other end of the room. A few sips later
the voice says “beautiful shirt”.Santa panics
and calls the bartender over and says “I
must be losing my mind, I can hear these
voices say nice things but there is no one
else except you and me” , the bartender
points to the table and says “oh it’s the
peanuts , they are complimentary

Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid

-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide,
Santa says, “Happy journey Beta!!!!”
-Santa’s son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says “ 50 bucks? What do you need
20 bucks for?”

Santa is the true music lover.

A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a
bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening
to her.

Santa being romantic to his wife.

“One day God tested me , erased all my
memory and asked do you remember
anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am
sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the

frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your
pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and
BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan
again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid

in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!”
Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa.
Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a
question or invitation?”

Santa taking grammar lessons

“If more than one mouse is mice then more
than one spouse is spice!!!!”

Officer Santa: Madam swimming is

restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was
removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.

Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura

badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata
chai ka dudh bhais ka hai , Rakhi Sawant
ka nahin.
Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other
women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant
look at the menu also?

Santa and Banta were looking at an

Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka
lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number
is also written BC 1760!!!

Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but

gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he
knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!

Santa: That girl is deaf

Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her
chapels are new

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even

one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second
floor..

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight

back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of

cooking, cleaning home and washing
clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same
reason.

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay

the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan
for my marriage also!
Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the
earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked
again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went

alone for my honeymoon and saved half the
money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I
sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt

like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling
passed."

Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi

bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu
kyun banta?"

Santa found answer to the most difficult

question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave

man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause
ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Other Jokes ...

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala

mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala
gadha, padhnewala mahan.

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near

the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya

bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to
batao."

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m!

edical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying
him!

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of

communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-
woman

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide

2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry
Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps
on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is
coming on platform?

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son,

Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books
when the teacher erases the board.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?

Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai
ta lipat ja...

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before

leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Santa was caught for speeding and went

before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs
3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat
thi.?

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir

gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka
asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena

chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

Santa went to battery shop n asked to

change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The
shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry? BantaA:

Because they are already leading a dog's
life!

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much

thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her:
"I luv u sister."

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what

should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly

hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta
tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag
se maroon??!!!
Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it
take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service
assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.

Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".

Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol
Raha Hoon!"

Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha

di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai,
Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch
jaate hai.

Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain

and Studying.... When Banta asked what he
was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies Yaar...!!!

How do you recognize a Sardar in

School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the
board.

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken

farm so he bought a hundred chicks to
begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for
another hundred chicks because all of the
first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the
dealers for another hundred chicks, for the
second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,'
said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too
deep.'

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka

Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

How did Panditji Kill a Lion?

Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a
conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.

Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of
friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins

without getting married, Guess what they
named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee
Rs.10.

Santa had twins; he named them Tin &

Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter &
Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max &
Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa
named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Santa: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: Y did'nt u try to Xchnge?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in
the lower berth..

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and

suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at

nite, nobody will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there

Santa was standing below a tube light with

mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's
dinner should be light".

Sardar and his family went for a party. He

introduces himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my kid &
the girl my kidney....

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come

to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the
question paper is leaking...

On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks

him "Darling on our engagement, will you
give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone
number?

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was

laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I
have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network
is following me.

The Teacher asked all the students in a

class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver
you this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u
could have posted it....

What does Santa do after taking a Xerox?

He compares it with the original for any
spelling mistakes.

Santa proposed to a girl......

Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll
marry you next year.

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.

After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

A Teacher was lecturing on Population

Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find &
stop her!".

Santa - "why are all these people running?"

Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get
the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get
the cup, why are the others running?"

19 Sardars went to watch a film.

On being questioned about the big group,
they replied that the film was only for above
18...

Photographer Santa was focusing on the

dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating
him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Santa recently found the answer to the most

difficult question ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come
first.

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this

sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to
jail".
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat;
goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the
branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch
manager."

Santa was filling up an application form for

a job. He was not sure as to what was to be
filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed,

he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't
have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket.

The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting
taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return
my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application
for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you
divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply
NEXT YEAR."

Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like

my grandpa who died peacefully in his
sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this

horrible looking thing is what you call
Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a
mirror!

Santa was writing something very slowly.

Banta asked: "Why are you writing so
slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he
can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a
graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies
and are still digging for more..