Magic, Misfortune

and Misery
Fantasy, Comedy, Drama

Written by:
Janna DC. Franco
Revised by:
Mikaela Elzbette P. Neri
INTRO SETTING:
Inside a small room with a bed, a small bedside table, a cabinet
(with a dusty radio inside).

SEBASTIAN:
[Mumbles] So this is my new room. [sets down luggage] I wonder if
I brought- [sees chest, opens it and sees contents] What are these?
Wands, hats, glass bottles and… and pictures? Narcissa, Astoria
and Marcella. Another picture, a child this time, Mary Jane
Williams. More bottles and… and a tape? [distant] Dad! Did we bring
a cassette player?

SEBASTIAN’S DAD:
[distant] Try looking inside the cabinet!

[Sebastian looks inside the cabinet. He sees then takes out the player
and inserts the tape.]

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

[cue sound effects: stepping on dried leaves, sounds of nature, mystical
music]

MARY:
Stop listening to this tape. Now. I’m warning you. Once it starts,
there’s no turning back. I’m telling you, this won’t end well.
[sighs] I’m not making any sense, am I? It doesn’t matter. Just
stop listening or something bad will happen to you.

[silence] [cue sound effects: static sounds]

Are you sure you want to continue? [deep sigh] I warned you. Well,
if you’re sure, let me take you back to when it all started.

[mystical music intensifies; then lowers]

NARCISSA:
Remind me again why we need to help stupid humans who have zero
tolerance to life’s problems and are absolutely useless? [deep
sigh]
[cue sound effects: something drops to the floor]
MARCELLA:
Oof! Because, our dear sister Narcissa, we have all the magic,
spells and potions. So why not use them for the greater good, you
know? [giggles]

ASTORIA:
Ha! Shut up, Marcella! We help people because there’s nothing
better to do. Simple as that! [hysterical laughter]

MARCELLA:
Well, it is better than using magic to play tricks on each other,
you know? Remember when you, cursed me to speaking only in rhymes?
It lasted a week!

[cue sound effects: knocks on the door]

ASTORIA:
It was funny, though! Shakespeare would have been begging for some
tips! [hysterical laughter] Besides, [giggles] remember the time
you spilled your levitation medicine on me? I was high! [hysterical
laughter]

MARCELLA:
Hey! I only spilled that because you were-

NARCISSA:
Do you two never shut up?! Insolent fools! Someone’s at the door,
stop your stupid bickering and find out whoever mortal dares to
even approach this spooky house of ours!

[cue sound effects: door creaking as it opens]

MARCELLA:
Oh hello! Welcome! Do you seek help? Would you like a love potion?
A bottle of poison? One that induces bad breath? [giggles]
VICTORIA:
Actually, I-

ASTORIA:
Perhaps you came here for advice? Or a spell for instant wealth?
[giggles] Maybe a curse for someone’s death? Or a-

NARCISSA:
Oh for goodness’ sake! Shut up and let the poor girl in! [mumbles]
Blabbering fools. Hello dear, yes, you. What’s your name? Speak
up. Sit down. Marcella, get this poor girl some tea. Be careful,
we don’t need another mess in this house. Astoria, close the door
and stop laughing, for once!

[cue sound effects: door closing, glass breaking, chair squeaking against
the floor]

VICTORIA:
I’m Victoria. I-I heard about a rumor that [sniffs] three witches
live here and offer help to those in need.

NARCISSA:
And? Your point is?

VICTORIA:
I need your help.

ASTORIA:
[giggles] Obviously. You should probably elaborate, we aren’t mind-
readers, you know. [laughter] Actually, there is a spell for mind-
reading. I don’t really remember. I think it was [exaggerated
singing] mekeni mekeni dug dug do r-

MARCELLA:
Shut up. Don’t mind her, Victoria. But please, do elaborate.

[cue dramatic music]

VICTORIA:
I, umm, I came here to ask for a solution to my problem- a spell
or potion, anything! Please, help me. I am betrothed to a wealthy,
but arrogant man from our town without my consent! The thing is, I
already have someone I love. His name is Kardoh. And he’s so dreamy,
and masculine, and-and his eyes are this beautiful shade of golden
brown. He has pink, soft kissable lips that match his pale
complexion. I love him, his eyes, his voice, even the way that he
teases me in bed. [coughs] Sorry, I got carried away. Anyway, I
need something to help me get out of this arranged marriage. I love
Kardoh, and I promised myself that he’ll be the one I’ll spend my
life with!

NARCISSA:
Hmm, sounds like a good brew of hate-inducing potion will do.
Marcella, do you have any?

MARCELLA:
I ran out last week. Let’s just brew another bottle, easy-peasy.
Let me check my trusty potions book.

[cue sound effects: books falling to the ground]

MARCELLA:
Ouch! That hurt. Books of Brew, Potions of All Time, no. Nope. Not
this one. Libido-boosting Potions? Ha, no sir. Ah! Here it is!
Cauldron of Doom by George Aldonadra!

[cue sound effects: flipping through pages]

[cue mystical music]

SINGERS:
Welcome, welcome to your Cauldron of Doom! Written by Aldonadra,
rider of brooms. Here’s how to make a cauldron of hate. Take a look
at this list that Aldonadra made!
First things first, here’s what you’ll need. A cauldron, just a
small one, and some chicken feet. Get five sprigs of lavender, two
thorns of rose. Get a pot of boiling water and a bunch of cloves.
Ah, ah, ooh, ah, ahh. Ah ah, ooh, ahh. Ah, Ah, ooh, ah, ha, haa.
[cue sound effects: abrupt closing of book]
ASTORIA:
[excited laughter] Wow! I did not expect an actual singing book!
It was magical! Oh, wait. It is magical. [hysterical laughter]

NARCISSA:
Well, of course it’s magic! Now, if you’re so enthusiastic, go and
fetch us the lavender.

[cue sound effects: door closing, nature sounds, crunches of dried

leaves]

ASTORIA:
[humming while occasionally giggling] Let’s see. Lavenders are
purple, right? Hmm. [pauses] This one’s purple, but then again, a
bunch of these stupid bushes are purple. Oh well, [giggles] lucky
guess! [out of tune humming]

[cue sound effects: door creaking and slamming shut, boiling water]

MARCELLA:
Astoria! Just in time! [coughs] I need those lavenders in this
cauldron in approximately eleven seconds. You’re sure that these
are lavenders, right? I can’t see! [coughs] This brew creates too
much smoke. 5… 4… 3… 2… Oof, there they go.

[cue sound effects: dropping something to water]

NARCISSA:
[sniffs] Hmm, smells… weird. Astoria, were you absolutely positive
that those were lavenders?

ASTORIA:
Oh yes! [giggles] They had a pretty shade of purple and they smelled
good. I took five sprigs just like what that musical book of yours
sang! [sings out of tune] Oh, hi Victoria! I forgot you were still
here!
VICTORIA:
Oh yes, well, I was told by the other two that I must stay and wait
for the potion to be finished. Thank you very much! Your help means
so much to Kardoh and I! It—

ASTORIA:
Aww. Hey, guess what? I don’t care. [pause] [hysterical laughter]

NARCISSA:
[from afar] Victoria! Astoria! C’mere, quick. Now, poor little
Vicky, I need you to visualize being hated by your husband-to-be
while we perform a charm. It won’t take long. Astoria, take the
lead. Now, everyone, gather around the cauldron.

SINGERS:
[mysterious humming]

The steam was rising,

As the pot bubbled.
A frown on your pretty face,
You look quite troubled.

You may let out a sigh,

The potion is ready.
Let us fill this up
And hold it safely.

This creation will work

To end his love for you
Not only will it end,
He will hate you too!

SINGERS:
[humming intensifies; ends]
[cue sound effects: water being poured]

MARCELLA:
A bottle of hate-inducing potion for a troubled young lady! This
looks a lot darker than my previous brews. Hmm, I wonder why. Oh
well, here it is!

NARCISSA:
Now, I want you to use this with caution. We don’t want you causing
any more trouble or anything. The last thing we need is more of
you folks knocking on our door! Now shoo! Out of my house!

VICTORIA:
Thank you very mu-

[cue sound effects: door closing loudly]

[cue sound effects: static sound]

SEBASTIAN:
Well… that… didn’t seem so bad. I don’t see how listening to this won’t
be good for me. But I have to say, they are three bizarre witches. Witches
don’t exist in real life so I guess there’s nothing to worry about.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

[cue sound effects: nature sounds, calm and mystical music]

MARY:
I know what you’re thinking. No, they’re not exactly good witches that
contribute to the wellness of human welfare. Yes, they try to help but
sometimes, they cause more trouble than good. Wanna know why? Because
this happens exactly six days, six hours, and six minutes later.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

[cue sound effects: mystical music]
[cue sound effects: nature sounds, crunches of dried leaves then door slamming]

MARCELLA:
 Hmmm. Did any of you pick a bunch of my tulips yesterday? A bunch of the
purple ones are missing and-

[cue sound effects: loud knocking on the door]

KARDOH:
[distant] She said… ano eh… WALA TALAGANG POREBER! [wails] HEY! OPEN UP!
WITCHES, RIGHT? YOU HELP PEOPLE, RIGHT? HEAR ME OUT! LISTEN TO ME AND MY
BROKEN HEART. I LOVED HER SO MUCH. I THOUGHT THAT I- [wails loudly]

[cue sound effects: door opening]

NARCISSA:
SILENTIUM RAZON!

KARDOH:
[panicked squeaking]

NARCISSA:
[sighs] Shut up. Okay? Enter. And I’ll release you from that silencing
charm only if you promise to shut up. For goodness’ sake! You reek of
alcohol!

KARDOH:
[squeaks yes]

NARCISSA:
Good. REVEREN SILENTIUM RAZON!

KARDOH:
[deeply sighs] Oh, thank heavens!

[cue sound effects: footsteps on wood]

ASTORIA:
Ooh, a new customer eh? And what do you need?

[cue sound effects: glass breaking]

MARCELLA:
Oops! Well, here’s a glass of tea. Calm down, boy. What’s your name?

KARDOH:
I’m- I’m Kardoh.

NARCISSA:
Hmmm. That name sounds disgustingly familiar. Now, spill whatever reason
you have to disturb our morning tea, knocking on our door like a madman!

KARDOH:
We-we were in love, Victoria and I. We had plans for the future, we
promised that we’d marry each other.

ASTORIA:
Victoria? You mean that fumbling girl who came here a few days ago?

MARCELLA:
Shhh!

NARCISSA:
Continue.

KARDOH:
Everything was going fine, y’know? Until her parents set her up to a
stupid arranged marriage with the obnoxious rich boy in town! At first,
it was okay. We were determined to pursue our love despite all the odds!
Until-until… three days ago… [wails]

ASTORIA:
Yes, yes. We know. She was suddenly hated by her husband etcetera,
etcetera. Now, you can live happily ever after! [exaggerated and animated
voice]

KARDOH:
I know that she came here. I know that she consulted you. I don’t know
what you did to her but when I reached out to her, she- she called me a
pervert. Do I look like a pervert? Do I look like pervert?!
MARCELLA:
Uhh… yes? Would you like an Instant Debonair drink? I still remember the
recipe. Or perhaps a-

KARDOH:
NO! Let me finish! I saw her holding that stupid, bourgeois’ hand! They
were flaunting around town, all lovey-dovey. And the worst part is that
they’re getting married tomorrow!

NARCISSA:
That can’t be. We made a perfect potion for her- a vial of liquid hate!
That’s not possible… unless…

KARDOH:
What do you mean? What went wrong? Did you give her anything wrong? NAKU,
VICTORIA KOOO! [wails]

[cue sound effects: dramatic music]

NARCISSA:
Astoria, were you absolutely positive that you took lavender sprigs?

MARCELLA:
Come to think of it, a bunch of my tulips are missing. Astoria?

ASTORIA:
Um… well… Don’t look at me like that! Truth is [nervous giggling] I don’t
really know what lavenders look like.

NARCISSA AND MARCELLA:

ASTORIA!

ASTORIA:
Hey! At least, they were purple! [giggles]

MARCELLA:
Do you know what you have done?! I grew those tulips with water from the
Well of Love! They have love-inducing properties! No wonder, Victoria
fell in love with the other boy!
ASTORIA:
Why are you blaming me?! It’s your fault for sending me out to fetch
stupid flowers! You’re just a lazy, ugly witch!
MARCELLA:
Well, of course, it’s your fault!

ASTORIA:
Your fault!

MARCELLA:
No! Your fault!

ASTORIA:
Your fault!

MARCELLA:
No! Your fault!

ASTORIA:
Yo-

KARDOH:
SHUT UP! OKAY? I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT! Let them be together! But I’ll
ask for one thing, please, I just, I just want her to be happy. Her
happiness is mine as well.

[silence]

Why are you looking at me like that? I mean it!

ASTORIA:
[giggles] You… [hysterical laughter] You want her to be happy? Happy?
After dumping you and [more laughter] calling you a p-pervert?

KARDOH:
I don’t know anything about what you gave her, nor do I know a thing
about her sudden change of behavior. But she looked so in love. And if
 that’s going to make her happy, then so be it. Just promise me that the
next time you see her, grant her wishes properly. That’s all I ask.

NARCISSA:
[sigh] If that is your wish, then we shall do so.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

MARY:
And so they did, but it took much longer than it should. But their magic
doesn’t always do good. Look at what they did to Victoria. Poor Kardoh,
he lost the love of his life because of the witches’ foolish mistakes!
You know, it’s not yet too late to stop listening. [silence] Are you sure
you want to continue? [sigh] Carry on. Oh and guess what? This story
doesn’t get any better because this is what happens a year later.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

SEBASTIAN:
It gets worse? What could possibly be worse that this? [unbelieving sigh]

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

[cue sound effects: mystical music]

ASTORIA:
[shrieks] NARCISSA! MARCELLA! COME HERE! QUICK!

[cue sound effects: quick footsteps, glass breaking]

MARCELLA:
Ow! Ow! [heavy panting] What is it? Are you okay?

NARCISSA:
[yawns] What is so important that you wake us up this early in the
morning? You just interrupted a good dream of mine- one that does not
involve sisters!
ASTORIA:
This came in the mail! [excited giggling]

MARCELLA:
Since when do we receive mail?
NARCISSA:
“You are invited to celebrate the birth of Mary Jane Williams, daughter
of Raphael and Victoria Williams,” it says.

MARCELLA:
Victoria? You mean that girl from last time? The one with a drunk ex-
lover?

ASTORIA:
When is this [giggles] so-called celebration? Ooh, do we get to wear
fancy dresses?

NARCISSA:
Tomorrow. Yes, I think. It’s been a long time since we visited the city.
Also, the invitation says to bring gifts. Normally, I’d forbid us to go
but it’s we could probably do after making that girl fall in love with
someone she actually hated. We need to make it right, somehow. Hmm.

[cue sound effects: city noises]

[cue sound effects: lively music, cheers and congratulations]

HOST:
[booming voice] WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF MARY
JANE WILLIAMS. [cheers] AND NOW FOR THE GIFTS.

We say,
The price of your youth is a price that we're willing to pay.
You cry,
In your crib that is colored in pink,
Oh, time really flies.
Why so sad?
Remember, we made wrong bewitchments, the year went away.
Now, it's making us sad.
Remember, despite our estrangement, we're not bad.
Now, we're back.
Soon, you'll see.
We'll just redo it all properly
Now, we're back
Singing spells
You'll say that we compensate well

Oceans rise, empires fall

We have seen each other through it all
And when hate turns to love
We will send you five beautiful blessings
To remind you of our love

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da dayada

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da dayada

We'll give this little baby, beauty that goes on

She'll be pretty like a flower in the sun

And no, don't cry, dear Mary

Cause you're our favorite Mary
Our sweet, submissive Mary
Our royal, loyal Mary
Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever and ever

Now, we're back

With difference
We will bless you with obedience
We give you luck
We give you grace
You'll have these 'til your dying days

Listen all,
For this one,
Everyone who listens to this well,
We will grant
Your deepest wish
We will bless your friends and family,
To remind you of our love

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da dayada

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da

Everybody!

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da dayada

da dada da da
da dadada dayada
dada da da ya da ah

[cue sound effects: louder cheers]

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

SEBASTIAN:
Oh no. I have a bad feeling about this. If she was blessed by those
sisters…

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

MARY:
I’m sure you know by now that nothing goes well whenever these three
witches are involved. I did grow with beauty, if I say so myself. And of
course, with obedience. Too much obedience, in fact. If you tell me to
jump off a cliff, I will. If you tell me to cut my tongue, I will.
Obedience? [bitter chuckle] indeed. Lucky? Nah, I don’t think so.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

SEBASTIAN:
So… that means she’s Mary? Beauty, obedience, luck, grace and… and…

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

MARY:
Listen all,
For this one,
Everyone who listens to this well,
We will grant
Your deepest wish
We will bless your friends and family,
To remind you of our love
So hey, whoever’s listening to this, remember: I did warn you that this
won’t end well. So ask yourself. What is your deepest wish? Tell me and
the witches shall grant it.

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

Oh, yeah. I forgot to ask, are you ready to have your life jeopardized?
[giggles]

THREE WITCHES AND MARY:

[in the background] [laughter]

[cue sound effects: static sounds]

- FIN –
GROUP MEMBERS:
Leader: Sebastian Marc Andrei Pador (as Sebastian)
Asst. Leader: Angela Marie Ronquillo (as Marcella)

 Assunta Alexandra Sunga (as Narcissa)

 Maritoni Elline Neri (as Astoria)
 Janna Franco (as Mary; scriptwriter)
 Julia Krystyl Estrada (as Victoria)
 Jab Keith Cañon (as Kardoh)
 Gilianne Marie Alvarado (singer and technical staff)
 Michkaela Marie Royo (singer and technical staff)
 Nicole Catangay (technical head)
 Will Andrei Visperas (as Sebastian’s dad, the host, technical staff)

RADIO DRAMA FESTIVAL’18

TITLE: Magic, Misfortune and Misery

GENRE: Fantasy, Comedy, Drama

SECTION: 10 – Karunungan Family

GROUP NUMBER: Four

LEADER: Sebastian Marc Andrei Pador

ASST. LEADER: Angela Marie Ronquillo

MEMBERS: Assunta Alexandra Sunga

Maritoni Elline Neri
Julia Krystyl Estrada
Jab Keith Cañon
Will Andrei Visperas
Nicole Catangay
Michkaela Marie Royo
Janna Franco
Gilianne Marie Alvarado

DATE SUBMITTED: July 16, 2018

SUBMITTED TO: Miss Maria Purificacion R. Razon

English 10 Teacher