I wonder what I look like in your eyes

By: John Raymond O. Robasto

Carrying around secrets can take a heavy toll on your happiness. Every person hides a
side of them that they don’t want people to see, a side where that person is completely different
and unrecognizable by others. There are tons of sides a person has, whether it’s a positive side or
a negative side, there will always be a side that a person doesn’t give credits. To be able to be an
admirable person to others, you’ll always try to be someone you’re not and live your life like
someone as pure as a dove but you’re just basically wearing a mask.
Keeping a secret is hard but revealing a secret is much harder. With a disdainful society
and oppressed thinking of many, talking about it with another person will take a long way, it
makes a person think twice before speaking. A person who hides a lot of secrets, has been
carrying heavy responsibility because the pressure lies at the top of his shoulders.
Considering to find someone that he can trust and depend with is a very long journey
with unending “lies” and “why’s”, after all, lying is inevitable and is the natural way of a person
to sneak out of his problems.
A secret can always be the definition of your true self, why? Because it embodies who
you really are, it reflects your past actions whether if it’s good or bad. My secret in particular, is
the type of secret where if my friends finds out about it, they might leave me just because of it,
they might isolate me, they might be disgusted on me, and worst of all, they might tell others
about my secret. The fact that I'm afraid of telling anyone about my secret, it’s because I'm
scared, I'm scared of being judged by others, and I'm scared that my secret might backfire on me.
Even telling it to my best friend is a big no, because the thought of my best friend not being on
my side is not the outcome I'm expecting. Only the stars know all my secrets as I talk to them
every single night.
The comfort of being alone helps me to think clearly, it cleanses my mind to figure out
temporary solution for me to stop thinking about it for a while. The weight of a secret in the heart
waiting to be shared, wanting to be free, and longing for acceptance from the dark abyss is due to
the long experience of sadness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and low self – esteem.
We don’t keep secrets; we have them. Having a secret feels so burdensome that it alters
how a person views his surroundings. When revealing a secret to someone, it really matters what
the other person is thinking to know whether your secret is acceptable or not, but at the end of
the day, the reaction of one person doesn’t count, it’s the number of people who accepts you in
your flaws and shortcomings that matters.
Revealing a hidden truth can have important positive consequences for the person who
does the revealing. Still, that doesn’t make it any easier. The good thing is that you can start
slowly, try to talk to your friends one by one and see how they react, after all, real friends accepts
you for who you really are. Your bond with them will always keep you close no matter what
comes in your way.
As time passes by, so does the sadness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and low self –
esteem. No matter what imperfections you have, just surround yourself with people who loves
and accepts your flaws and all is going to be well. Always remember that the truth doesn’t cost
anything, but a lie could cost you everything. After all, it’s better to get hurt by the truth than
comforted with a lie.