Lee, 1

Ryan Lee

Jung Soo Lee

Writing 39C

18 November 2019

Parenting: An Individualized Approach to FOMO

FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is anxiety resulting from people worrying that they are

missing out on social activities that their peers engage in. This anxiety causes people to compare

their social lives to those of others, often resulting in perceived social inadequacy due to the

negative thoughts a person develops about themself. FOMO1 is a widespread issue that continues

to become more problematic as social media's influence expands. However, it is a tricky problem

to regulate, as legislation does not directly address such new issues as FOMO at a pace fast

enough to keep up with the numerous developments in cyberspace as a whole. Additionally, it is

difficult to determine whether legislation is truly effective in their methods of limiting social

media use, as numerous loopholes in mediating media use exist, such as the use of different

accounts, devices, etc. Therefore, this paper will not focus on the legislative abilities of

restricting media use, but on a far more effective method: parenting.

Studies in parental mediation of adolescent's feelings of FOMO have shown that families

who communicate with adolescents reduce the severity of FOMO they feel. However, it should

be noted that even in communicative families, feelings of FOMO were high in adolescents who

engaged in excessive social media usage, which reduced the time spent with family (Lindsay

1
For more context on FOMO's influence and symptoms, verywell mind's article, "​What Does
FOMO Mean and How Do I Deal With It?" briefly summarizes the issue.
 Lee, 2

Favotto, Valerie Michaelson, William Pickett, Colleen Davidson 9). This study proves that

parental communication can mediate FOMO, however, it does indicate that media usage should

be restricted in order to effectively mediate the feelings of FOMO. With this in mind, it is clear

that parents should not only act as a support resource for their teenagers experiencing FOMO,

but should limit the amount of time spent on social media platforms. The teenagers who

excessively use social media likely crave feelings of social interactivity, which they supplement

with social media use. However this would exacerbate their already negative feelings and could

culminate into symptoms of FOMO. Because adolescents are prone to FOMO, parents serve as a

crucial form of support to help get their kids through emotionally testing times. While helping

them through hard times, they also would limit social media usage, a step towards reducing

feelings of FOMO that adolescents often have trouble taking on their own.

Parental mediation is arguably the best way to reduce instances of FOMO, however it has

its flaws. Some parents are too busy to effectively monitor their teenagers' social media usage,

therefore the solution cannot become a standard for every person experiencing FOMO.

Additionally, busy parents may struggle to keep up with the many new updates and forms of

social media, which further complicates the ability for parents to effectively help their teens.

However, the biggest issue in parental mediation is its lack of standardization. Some parents may

be strict on the issue, while others may take a lenient and ineffective approach to the problem.

Similarly, issues of parents being literate in media and understanding the complexities of it are

factors that can hinder parental abilities. It is difficult to even find statistics on the number of

media literate parents, further illustrating how complex media can become, and the difficulties of

quantifying parental media literacy and what constitutes such a term.

 Lee, 3

However, despite the inherent flaws of parental mediation, it has the greatest potential of

any method to be the most effective at mediating FOMO. Parents know their children best, and

generally have a good idea of what would work best in terms of achieving their goal of reducing

FOMO allowing them to customize their approach to best suit the individual differences of each

child. Different approaches towards handling an adolescent's experience with FOMO stem from

a parent's bond with their child, and the level of involvement they play in their childrens' lives.

The ability of parents to cater their parenting style to their child depending on personality,

temperament, and many other factors is what not only strengthens a bond, but allows their

parental authority to be more effective (Haim Omer, Sarit Steinmetz, Tal Carthy, Arist Von

Schlippe 10-11). From this study, it is clear that the ability for parents to customize their

approach to parenting is crucial to developing a bond with their children that will allow them to

better understand their child and address the issue of limiting social media usage in a way that

best suits the child's individual tendencies. The individual attention that parents can give to their

kids cannot be matched by that of any legislation. Parents know how to react to their kids, they

know what methods would work best in limiting social media usage, and have a good

understanding of the ways their kids may react to FOMO, or the likelihood of further

complications arising.

Given the great potential of parental influence, naturally the question of how effective

their influence truly is will arise. Studies have shown that parents who can strike a balance

between maintaining a loving relationship and a sensible amount of control over their childrens'

lives have the best outcomes with their children, allowing them greater influence over their

children (​Joan Grusec, Tanya Danyliuk, 1​). This further strengthens the idea of parents taking an
 Lee, 4

involved and carefully catered approach to addressing their childrens' issues. Parents who

actively seek to individualize their approach to moderating their children generally have effective

authority. Given this information, it is clear that the ability of parents to serve as the answer to

the issue of FOMO is not an end-all answer. It is simply the solution that has the most potential

to reach the most people in various ways.

Though parents are not a perfect solution to limiting their childrens' feelings of FOMO

through social media limitation and serving as a supportive figure, they are a viable solution that

far outperform legislative solutions that prove ineffective. Here, we examine an instance of

South Korea's government attempting to limit the media consumption that people under 16 years

old could have. The law, commonly referred to as the shutdown law, aims to lessen gaming

addiction by restricting children under 16 from playing online games after midnight (​Jiyeon Lee,

1​). However, the law has not only been contested as a violation of the rights of affected people,

but has proven to have many loopholes in terms of what the law aims to achieve. Most notably,

the law only applies to online games, having no influence over console games which do not

require an internet connection to play. Additionally, the law can be bypassed when teens make

an account and claim to be above the age limit. Though the issue discussed in this paper is

FOMO in relation to social media usage, this example has many similarities to it. This is an

illustration of what would likely happen if legislation attempted to restrict social media time for

adolescents. In summary, loopholes would essentially render the legislation ineffective and

immeasurable in terms of success, the law would be met with fierce opposition for violation of

human rights (moreso in America), and would fail to restrict every method in which social media

could be consumed. This example illustrates the limits of legislation; it can make laws in an
 Lee, 5

attempt to solve a problem, but cannot address every way the rule could be bypassed, and would

likely be made far after the underlying issue has already become widespread and serious. This

strengthens my argument that despite the obvious limitations to parental intervention in their

childrens' feelings of FOMO, it is the current best solution to the issue in the face of ineffective

and slow legislative processes.

While legislation proves mostly ineffective, the issue continues to be further researched

and correlated to serious issues. Research has shown that social media activates the same

responses in the brain as other addictive activities, such as gambling, drawing a connection to

social media and addiction (Kelly McSweeney, 1). The connections to gambling and social

media usage may seem exaggerated, but their implications match exactly with the rise in

excessive social media use. This issue particularly applies to unhappy people who use social

media in an attempt to improve their mood. Because unhappy people generally crave immediate

gratification, they are prone to falling victim to the addictive nature of social media. Because

their brains receive feelings of happiness while using social media, they are likely to come back

to it, despite later feelings of increased FOMO. Given the scientific data proving that social

media is indeed addictive, this concern is further exacerbated by studies proving that adolescents

value risk over reward in making decisions. Research studies show that adolescents' prefrontal

cortex (area of the brain that exercises self-control and judgment) is less developed than that of

adults, making them prone to engaging in risky behavior that could result in perceived social

rewards. This paired along with the addicting nature proves how difficult it is for an adolescent

to stop using social media, and demonstrates the severity of the issue. It also points to why

parents are the current optimal solution to FOMO being so widespread, they have the ability to
 Lee, 6

restrict how much social media adolescents use, and can serve as a supportive person to guide

them through emotional turmoil. Parents can also help teens consider the consequences of

excessive social media usage, something they are not generally scientifically predisposed to do.

Because they have the experience and ability to judge the situation from an experienced

perspective, parents can illustrate to their kids not only the fact that social media is an inaccurate

representation of the lives of others, but the consequences of believing this to be true that will

affect their own perception of themselves.

In conclusion, the issue of FOMO presents itself as a severe issue that has no easy

solution. Legislative action would likely either be too late or have loopholes that could easily be

bypassed by social media users. Given this, parents would be the best-but not perfect-solution.

They know what would work best in moderating their kids' social media consumption, they

know how they would react to such restrictions, and they can provide a level of individual

customization and care that legislative action simply cannot match. This solution would do more

than reduce FOMO through social media use, it would promote a culture of parental initiative in

childrens' lives and help strengthen bonds between parents and children. This change in

parenting culture could help parents take action against other issues faced by their children, such

as bullying, stress, etc. Though none of the additional perks of better parenting can be foreseen

with absolute certainty, what is certain is that parental initiative in the lives of their children will

undoubtedly lead to good things for both children and parents. Relationships will grow, parents

would become increasingly dedicated and proactive in their children's lives, and numerous

unforeseen benefits would arise. With a parenting culture promoting the growth of mentally
 Lee, 7

healthy children, society as a whole would benefit from healthy people, who could not only

become productive citizens, but promote a culture of overall well-being.

Works Cited

Bonderud, Doug, et al. “The Intersection of Technology, Innovation & Creativity.” ​Now.

Powered by Northrop Grumman,​ 17 Mar. 2019,

now.northropgrumman.com/this-is-your-brain-on-instagram-effects-of-social-media-on-t

he-brain/.

Favotto, Lindsay, et al. “The Role of Family and Computer-Mediated Communication in

Adolescent Loneliness.” Plos One, vol. 14, no. 6, 2019,

doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0214617.

Grusec, Joan E., and Tanya Danyliuk. “Parenting Skills: Parents' Attitudes and Beliefs: Their

Impact on Children's Development.” ​Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Development,​

Dec. 2014,

www.child-encyclopedia.com/parenting-skills/according-experts/parents-attitudes-and

-beliefs-their-impact-childrens-development.

Lee, Jiyeon. “South Korea Pulls Plug on Late-Night Adolescent Online Gamers.” ​CNN,​

Cable News Network, 22 Nov. 2011,

www.cnn.com/2011/11/22/world/asia/south-korea-gaming/index.html.

Whitman, Ann. “A Delicate Balance: Risks, Rewards, and the Adolescent Brain.” ​Dana

Foundation,​ Dana Foundation, 19 Sept. 2019,

 Lee, 8

www.dana.org/article/a-delicate-balance-risks-rewards-and-the-adolescent-brain/.