Brooke Oleson

Dr. Kim Lacey

English 111
17 September 2019

Letter to Abby
Dear Abby,
Your paper is so touching and reminds me a lot of my Christmas traditions with my
family. The story is so heartfelt—it makes me so happy to read through all of it.
To start off, I love your title. It is an excellent use of alliteration. I see what you did
there and it totally works. When I started to read your first paragraph, I enjoyed how you
connected your family to “families all around the globe” by pointing out that we all so similar
celebrations during Christmas time. That really ties in your reader. I have to admit that I was a
little distracted by the use of the word “family” in your first paragraph, though. In the first two
paragraphs, you wrote it a total of ten times. Perhaps you could find a word to substitute in for
that so you aren’t always saying “family.”
Overall, I really enjoyed the pacing and structure of your paper. I did notice that
paragraph four (starting with “I have been a part of this tradition…) seemed a little out of place.
I love the information that you provided in it, but maybe you could move it to be earlier in your
paper? It would help clarify your tension and problem from the beginning and understand your
reasoning as to why it is so important to you. Also, I think that your paper could benefit by
listing out all of the people and their jobs in the cookie-making process. You did mention who
was involved, but give us more details. You said that you frosted cookie mostly and eventually
forming the dough, but what did your mom do or your siblings or your significant others? Lay
out the whole scene for us. Your transitions between each paragraph were pretty smooth as well.
I never felt as if I was suddenly changing into a new topic or period of time.
At the beginning of your paper, you said that last year’s Christmas cookie baking session
was the best one yet and that it took your tradition “to a whole new level.” While reading, I was
waiting to be blown away with details that made last year’s Christmas one that was the best one
by far, and I didn’t really get that feeling. Why was it the best one? You go into a lot of detail—
which I appreciate—about the previous Christmas traditions and how it all started, but never how
last years was the best in the same amount of depth. You said that it was because your whole
family was back together: you could mention how far your siblings live from home and how you
are starting college this year so it’s even more difficult. In addition, I don’t believe that you
would need to add in dialogue. I enjoyed reading it from the outsider’s point of view. Reflecting
on what the whole tradition was. I think it would distract the reader more than help.
 I really enjoyed reading your paper—Christmas always leaves a warm fuzzy feeling. I
get the feeling that Christmas is really important to you and your family and it really shines
through this paper. I would say just add in the more specific details and your paper will be a hit.
Well done!

Sincerely,
Brooke Oleson