Topic: Courtship in the Philippines

By: Krisha Diane Obsequio

ABM 11-4

The Dying Art of Traditional Courtship between Man and Women in the
Philippines
I. Introduction
 Abstract.
 History of Filipino Courtship.
 The effects of Courtship to the Filipino youth.
 Traditional western courtship vs the Traditional Filipino courtship (Panliligaw)

II. Importance
 Effects of technology in traditional courtship.
A) Assurance of women in a relationship
B) Technological innovations
C) Slow loss of a cultural art

 The effects of Courtship to the Filipino youth.

A) Slow diminish of a tradition
B) Western Influence
C) Questioning Meaningful relationships through non-traditional means

 Is courtship changing for the better or worse due to the rapid change of culture?
A) Adverse effects of western influence
B) Advantages of technology in courtships
C) Meaningful relationships
D) Changes in the traditional way of courtship

III. Conclusion
 Thoughts about the future of courtships and relationships in the Philippines.
(Knowing to how to use technology and to not abuse it)
 The Future of Philippine Courtship.
 I. Introduction

Abstract
This paper tackled the ways how the development of courtships has not only affected our

society but our culture and straying away from the original idea of protecting the woman from

sketchy suitors that will come their way. As we talk more we also talk about the changes in

cultural and feminist ideologies that strayed away from traditional means of finding a

relationship and how it has affected the state of the youth.

Dating is an art developed in western countries which is not original but part of the courtship

system in the Philippines. Unlike in the founded practice of chaperonage, the aim of dating from

the western perspective is to “provide an occasion where a man and woman can be alone”. It

can be a series of meetings where it would be best for them to develop romance, learn

compatibility if they choose to get married, find similarities or attracting spiritual or life values,

“mutuality in sexual satisfaction and the meeting of psychological needs” (Molina 1983)

History of Philippine Courtship

In Philippine culture, courtship is far more subdued and indirect unlike in some Western

societies. A man who is interested in courting a woman must be discreet and friendly at first, in

order to not be too “Presko” or “Mayabang” (aggressive or too presumptuous).

traditional courtship was participated in or controlled by the parents and other kinsmen. This

system was rooted in the Filipino view that marriage was a union not only of two individuals but

also primarily of their families. Therefore, it was important for a son or a daughter to marry well

so that the resulting union would enhances the good name of the family. However, in this
generation, single dating is already a normal occurrence, but the Philippines had originally

developed several courting practices before dating came as an influence from the west. Before

this modern period, almost every region had a different courting practice handed down to their

families to practice (Medina, 2005).

Friendly dates are often the starting point, often with a group of other friends. Later,

couples may go out on their own, but this is still to be done discreetly. If the couple has decided

to come out in the open about their romance, they will tell their family and friends as well.

Here are the stages to carry out the Courtship:

Tulay (go-between)

A man, no matter how much she likes the lady, can’t just approach her in the street and ask

for her number or address. He would need to seek the help of a common friend who will act as

the bridge or the go-between to ask permission from the lady’s parents to visit her in the house.

Thoughtful Gifts

When a permission to visit is granted, the man is expected to bring thoughtful gifts like

flowers, chocolates and love letters. Visiting the lady’s house will then be more frequent and

consistent to show his commitment.

Paninilbihan (Servitude)

As the courtship advances, the frequent visits and thoughtful gifts will be accompanied by

paninilbihan or servitude. A man’s sincere desire to help in the lady’s house is a way to show his

good intentions for her. The usual act of servitude includes fetching water from the well to the

lady’s house, chopping of firewood and pounding of rice.

Harana

Harana or serenade is also a big part of the courtship. The man would sing a love song

outside the lady’s house at night and until she opens her window to see and listen to him sing.

After the harana, he is then accommodated inside the house.

Pamamanhikan

When the man feels he is ready to get married, he brings his parents to the lady’s house to

formally ask for her hand in marriage. If both parties agree to the engagement, the parents of

the lady and the man will start discussing wedding plans for the couple.

Systematic Courtship

This meticulous and systematic way of courtship in the Philippines is vital as each action the

man does is counted whether big or small even insignificant changes in the way the man treats

the one he is courting can make or break him from her which is why the man must do everything

to show effort and is usually the best place to test the patience and perseverance if he is actually

willing to take the calculated risk of getting through the one he loves.

The time, the energy, the effort, the thoughts and the commitment will never be matched by

a monetary value. It’s like giving a part of yourself and your life to the person who hasn’t given

her sweet yes to you yet.

Effects of traditional Courtship to the Filipino Youth

The effects of courtship in the Philippine setting has now become a staple on what it meant

to actually date someone and how love can flourish that no man do can do it alone as the way of

the “Panliligaw” is one of the most intimate ways of showing love. This type of courtship was

followed by the Spanish but adopted in more intimate and special way that combines strict Asian

values and the gentle serene loving sights of the Spanish and Europeans which made this type of

art in courtship special to the Women as they are assured that a man will truly love them and

they are being endowed with effort and protection with their family that she will not just run off

with some random stranger.

As the generations pass so does the way of showing love do as well as we become more

adept to technology we end up finding love in other places replacing a middleman in the

traditional way for a computer and skipping the process of finding love which started the rise of

Cohabitational relationships as introduced by the west after the World War II. But this did not

stop the traditional values still being ensured by families, but it was only after the start of the

information age that people started to go into less accommodating relationships that only finds

in means of being in relationship but never questioning why. Therefore, a lot of relationships no

longer live longer as for the youth nowadays it’s a status symbol by being in a relationship

The loss of a cultural art is also a loss to the Youth as not only do we no longer teach these

kinds of values but by not learning them we lose the value of what it meant to love and that

courtship is not just trying to win someone over but by being by their side no matter what and
that is effect that the youth is supposed to learn but no longer even realizes it that way.

Courtship is finding a way to make your Lover your future wife.

Western versus Philippine traditional Courtships

Philippine Courtship

American men have described the process of courtship in the Philippines as a romantic and

affectionate experience, not unlike how they imagine knights in armor to approach their love or

how things used to be performed in the West. The slower pace and more thoughtful approach

are often seen as being more intimate than the rushed, all out in the open, contrast of how

dating is sometimes performed in the USA today. This gentle courtship often blossoms into

relationships that are much more robust and longer lasting than their Western counterparts and

by respecting the culture of your Filipino lady you will find yourself a dedicated, loving and

affectionate wife, who was definitely worth every second you spent in courtship.

Western Courtship

Men in the traditional way of Courting in the Philippines Is that they are only supposed to

have one to court while in the West they can have more but this just referred to as “dating” as

strange as it sounds its perfectly normal as this is why courtship in the West is really quick and

sometimes they don’t even need to court anymore as this is why the West has a lot of failing

relationships as a lot of Westerners don’t keep up with effort of their female partner to keep up

so they give up. What they don’t realize is the importance of courtship that giving up is a big no

but why should the man court their lady if they are already together? Because a man is supposed

to always even if they are together and that is what Westerners don’t realize a lot.
 II. Importance

Effects of technology in traditional courtship.

Today's dating landscape, while far from perfect — it has been referred to as the " Dating

Apocalypse" — continues to progress with time.

According to Statista, 30% of internet users aged 18 to 29 years were using dating apps, as of

April 2017; a joint poll by Today and Greatest, however, revealed that approximately 60% of

millennials prefer to meet new romantic prospects through theirs friends, or through a common

interest.

Now what does this mean for the Philippine Youth?

This has changed the game of courtship al together as knowing that these applications can

just match you with someone immediately without a middleman like in the traditional way but

this is also possible that servitude will also go away which is a major blow because if we

remember in the introduction the way of courtship in the Philippine setting is a systematic

process that involves the different stages that a woman should go through before allowing their

daughter to be married and if the woman allows the love of the man to be accepted by her and

the rest of her family.

This also undermines the ways of personal connection and love that being in a courtship

should have been the most intimate and loving experience not just a throw away sexual lusting

for one another.

Our new technological methods of courtship also elevate efficient communication over
personal communication. Ironically, the Internet, which offers many opportunities to meet and

communicate with new people, robs us of the ability to deploy one of our greatest charms —

nonverbal communication. More fundamentally, our technologies encourage a

misunderstanding of what courtship should be. Real courtship is about persuasion, not

marketing, and the techniques of the laboratory cannot help us translate the motivations of the

heart.

Women today are abandoning marriage; they're dying to get married. Women today can't

balance work and family; they aren't having enough babies. Women today are doing better

than men; women today can't have it all. The underlying theme is always the same: women

today are miserable.

The latest play on this theme comes from the style section of the New York Times (the worst

offender in the genre, except perhaps the Atlantic and the Daily Mail). The Times article asks if

we are currently seeing "The End of Courtship?" (the implied answer, of course, is a resounding

"yes"). Unfortunately, the Times is several decades late in discovering the demise of courtship.

In addition to tis diminishing form of art the way the Filipinos view relationships now follow in

suite as our western counterparts with “Hookup” and Cohabitation because nowadays some

champion the sexually liberating nature of hooking up, while others demonize the “meaningless”

relationships prevalent on college campuses.

Is courtship changing for the better or worse due to the rapid change of
culture?
Being single is quite a pressure, especially if you’re getting older and being teased by your

family members of still not having a girlfriend.

Online dating is an attractive option for casual meetups. Some have even found love through

online dating.

A U Chicago-led study has found that couples who met online have happier, longer

marriages, suggesting that such relationships may benefit from the selectivity and focused

nature of Internet dating.

But those are meant or has been made studies abroad so what does this mean for the

Filipino women? Others go online not only to find love but also in search of a better life. The

internet becomes a vast ocean where a rich foreigner can fish for a Filipina in distress.

Ever since Facebook and Messenger have clouded the popularity level of text messaging and

phone-calling in the Philippines, many Filipinos have utilized the said platforms to communicate

with the persons they’re romantically connected with. This is for the prime reason that one can

send messages via Messenger for free. It is very cost-efficient, modern, and cool for gentlemen

to use while dropping hints toward the woman they want to date and woo.

When time and other unexpected workloads won’t allow certain couples to personally see

each other, Messenger has got their back! Through it, both short distance and long-distance
partners can do voice messaging and video-calling for a sweeter and more delightful

conversation.

The change in society became rapid as humans maximize the use of technology. This is

obvious in the lifestyle portrayed by westerners who have well developed information

technology systems and industries. Thus, the westerners, especially women, became more

career focused (Reuters, 2005)

Conclusion

While many western countries ignore the concept of courtship as a precedent for romantic

relationships, the Philippines stays true to the tradition of wooing a lady before publicly declaring

her as someone’s girlfriend. Whether the effort is personal or online this kind of behavior has

changed throughout the years of our advancements in technology.

Even though a lot of modern Filipinos have been influenced by Western movies and TV

shows to follow their hearts if the feeling is mutual, the Philippine society still has some ground

rules. Especially with the values set in place with our tradition and families.

Because of technological advancement, it’s normal these days to “meet” a person online.

However, if you really want to make things work with a Filipina, you must not solely rely on the

Internet.

If you are set to be with a Filipina you just met online, feel free to chat with her. However, do

not consider your daily chats as your courtship phase. The real deal is when you meet her family.

In a traditional sense men has shown great deals of respect for women just to be with them

but since the rise of technology these men has shown to abuse that and no longer even try to

court his love anymore which is a shame because women deserve to be courted in a loving

manner. Women being taught that by being courted is just as important before going to a

relationship as it means that they can grow up to be respected as she will know which of her

suitors learn to respect her and her family.

The future of Courtship in the Philippines

Established in earlier chapters of this paper the traditional Philippine courtship is one way of

showing that you like a girl. And most Filipino want the traditional way of courting to their

daughter. They believe that courting using the traditional way is still the best it shows how

Filipino men loves the girl if they have perseverance, patience and respect not only to the girl

they love but also respect to the family of the girl. Traditional and modern courtship has a

different way of types. Modern courtship does not depend on feeling it is formed by physical

attraction first before it can be love.

Also established in this Paper is the different ways the Filipino men has done their courtships

with the use of technology and since then established in change in courtships whereas social

media has played a very vital role and how healthy relationships has started in the less traditional

medium which is why the future of courtship and the slow decline of traditional courtship is on

its way.
References:

https://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/romance-in-the-

information-age

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/23/courtship-

dating-romance-women

https://lovingthephilippines.com/importance-of-courtship-in-the-

philippines/

https://www.thomasumstattd.com/2015/05/history-of-courtship/

http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/love.htm

https://lookupgrade.com/en/blog/english-the-style-of-courtship-

in-the-philippines/
Speech

People changes. With these changes that people undergo comes also the changes in culture.

The people and culture must go together in order to have a meaningful and satisfactory life. But,

in changing, we must not neglect the importance of our inherent values those values which we

inherited from our forefathers. As the song says,

“Uso pa ba ang harana?”

(Harana, Parokya ni Edgar), it is evident that “Harana” had been a part of this changes in our time.

Gone were the days of men gathering together to sings for a maiden so dear. The cool evenings,

the sweet rays of the moonlight, the soft voice, the gentle strumming of the guitar and a heart-

warming song offered to a lady. For sure, all of these can cause more than just a smile from her.

Old men still hold and long for this nostalgic experience of the past in their heart.

Through the liberalism of modern-day Filipinos, there have been modifications of

courtship that are milder than that in the West. Present-day Filipino courtship, as in the

traditional form, also starts with the "teasing stage" conducted by friends. Introductions and

meetings between prospective couples are now done through a common friend or whilst

attending a party.[4] Modern technology has also become a part of present-day courting

practices. Romantic conversations between both parties are now through cellular phones –

particularly through texting messages – and the internet[3] as can be seen by the vast amount of

apps & websites catering to Filipino Dating Parents, however, still prefer that their daughters be

formally courted within the confines of the home, done out of respect to the father and mother

of the single woman. Although a present-day Filipina wants to encourage a man to court her or
even initiate the relationship, it is still traditionally "inappropriate" for a suitor to introduce

himself to an admired woman, or vice versa, while on the street. Servitude and serenading are

no longer common, but avoidance of pre-marital sex is still valued.