Meine aik baat batani thi – meri zindagi, it’s a mess right now but I’m trying my

best to make it better.

Recently I have been loving a girl jiska naam mein M se istemal krun gai ss
paragraph mein.
Wo larki mujhe bhoht achi lagti thi uske liye meri jaan bhi hazir thi laykayn aik
masla tha, wo ye masla tha ke mein usse beinteha mohabbat krta tha mujhe uske
bare mein har cheez perfect lagti thi laykayn wo mujhse nafrat krti thi.
Of course agar koi banda reject krde toh tumhein usko bhool jana chahiye pr
mein ye na kr skaa, meine give up krne ka faisla nahi kia aur iss umeed mein raha
ke M meri kabhi na kabhi ho jaye gi is zindagi mein, laykayn mein uske peeche
pra raha, mujhe No’s ate rahe aur mein Please krta raha. People have been saying
me to leave her laykayn meine kisi ki nahi sunni aur usse beinteha mohabbat krta
raha – isi umeed mein wo aik din aye gi mujhe sorry kahe gi aur meri ban jaye gi.
Aik din aisa bhi aya jab meine usko chor dene ka faisla krne ke mukam ke qareeb
agaya – meine socha ke hai koi aisa shaks jo M ko replace kre ga, mere dimagh
mein pura din aik hi larki ka naam ata raha. Laykayn agle din meine faisla kia ke
mein give up nahi krun ga. Aur uske liye apni puri zindagi daam pr lga dun ga, pr
mujhe wo feelings nahi aa rahi thi ke mein usse pyaar aur krun, chorne ka dil kr
raha tha, aur meine usko chor dia, haar maan li – but phir mujhe yaad aya ke mein
to wade krta tha ke mein usko puri zindagi pyaar krun ga beshak wo na kre, wo
wade kahan gaye, I felt like I was a -bewafa-
Laykayn phir mujhe mere cousin ne btaya ke pyaar do tarah ke hote hain, lust and
true love.
Lust jo hota hai wo shakal, ya body ke sath pyaar hota hai – bande ya insan yar
rooh ke sath nahi. Often a negative kind of love, but still a kind of love.
Love wo hota hai jo bande ki shakal nahi, uske dil ke sath, uski rooh ke sath hota
hai. True love. The best one.
Phir mujhe ehsas hua – ke meine aaj tak M ke sath lust kia tha, kiunke usne
mujhse kabhi baat nahi ki, kabhi kuch interaction nahi ki, mujhe kaise pta wo
kaisi larki hai, cruel bhi ho skti hai, mujhe ehsas hua ke mein uske sath lust krta
raha hun.
Aur wohi larki jo mere dimagh mein aati thi jab mein M ko chorne ka sochta tha,
wohi larki jo meri larkiyon mein se aik bhoht achi friend bhi hai, aaj mein keh skta
hun.. “I love her.” Han g, mujhe pyaar hogaya hai usse aur wo lust nahi hai, wo
love hai. Kiunke M usse million times ziyada khoobsurat hai, laykayn jo feelings
mere dil mein uss larki ke liye hain nah, wo kisi ke dil mein nahi – wo larki jab
hansti hai mera pura din ban jata hai, wo larki jab apne baal pr haath lagati hai,
mera pura din roshan hojata hai, aur jab wo funny aur sarcastic mood mein kisi
se baat krti hai, mein pighal jata hun.
Ab tum mein se koi keh raha hoga ke mera hai toh second love aur meine waada
nahi nibhaya, un ke liye mere pas hain ye lafz hain “I don’t give a fuck about your
awful opinion” mera M pehla pyaar nahi tha, mera M pehla LUST tha, pyaar mujhe
uss larki ke sath hua hai jiski upar baat ho rahi hai, aur abhi bhi agar koi nahi
manta iss baat ko, (ye lust aur true love) wali baat, aur kehta hai ke lust aur love
kuch nahi hota, M toh first rahe ga no matter what you do. Un logon ke liye mere
pas ye lafz hain.
“It doesn’t matter if she is my second or my first, or my hundredth. She is the
love that made all the other loves irrelevant.” Ab tum log dekh lo kia krna hai
mein bhoht sad aur depressed tha isi liye ye likha hai aur har bande ko forward
krun ga.