D/s Negotiation

Here are some questions to consider when negotiating a D/s

relationship. This is by no means a complete list of questions, but
will provide a stepping off point for negotiations. This list does
not address SM play, or Top/bottom relationships but focuses on
Dominance and submission. There are many checklists available
on the Internet with an S/M focus.

1. In regards to D/s how do you identify?

 Dominant
 submissive
 Switch
a. More Dominant
b. More submissive
c. Evenly balanced
2. In this D/s relationship how will you identify?
 Dominant
 submissive
 Switch
a. More Dominant
b. More submissive
c. Evenly balanced
3. How much time will you expect to devote to this D/s
relationship? (This could range from every now and again, to
once a week, full time service.)
4. How much control do you expect to have/expect the
dominant to have in your life outside the D/s relationship?
(This could range from control only when you are together,
to control over play, letting the submissive control their
social /dating life, to control over how often the submissive
masturbates or orgasms.
5. How much non-D/s time do you anticipate needing in this
relationship?
6. What things do you consider rewards for submission/service?
(The opportunity to serve more, do you want scene time? If
 so, how often? Do you want a movie or quiet snuggle time
with the Dominant/submissive?)
7. What things do you consider punishments?
8. If there are other submissives serving the Dominant, how will
this submissive interact with the others if at all?
9. If there are other Dominants in the household, how will the
submissive interact with that Dominant if at all?
10. Do you expect S/M play to be a part of this D/s
relationship? (You may want to use a checklist with an S/M
focus if you don’t know for sure what your interests are)
11. If this is not a marriage or romantic relationship as well
as D/s, do you expect sexual service to be a part of this D/s
relationship?
12. If this is a live in relationship, what provision will be
made for each the Dominant and submissive to have: (A)
alone time? (B) time to independently pursue hobbies and
interests? (Especially important for 24/7 relationships)
13. What provision will be made for the submissive to
participate in activities that serve the community if they
desire?
14. What kinds of service to you expect to be included in
this D/s relationship? (These are just suggestions, there may
be more please add your own as needed.)

Dominant Activity
Submissive
Ye Negoti No Ye Negoti No
s able s able
Willing Willing
to to
learn learn
Dishes
Sweep
floors
Mop floors
Clean
carpets
 Cooking
Serve
meals
Serve
Drinks
Food
Shopping
Laundry
Clothes to
cleaner
Closet
upkeep
Chauffer
Car care
Trash out
Plant care
Dust/clean
house
Yard
Maintenanc
e
Pool
Maintenanc
e
Boot care
Care for
Leathers
Care for
Toys
Dungeon
Upkeep
Bathing
Dominant
Grooming
Dom.
Massage
Serve in
 Public
Sexual
Service
Supervise
other
submissive
s
Pet care
Household
Repairs

Scheduling
Appointme
nts
Make
Travel
Plans
Serve as
furniture
Childcare
Secretarial
Svc.
Party
planning
Bartending
Schedule
Events/acti
vities
Medical
Care
Order for
(in
restaurants
)
15. Do you have any medical issues/concerns to share with
your D/s partner? (Bad knees, bad back, chronic illness)
16. Do you have any psychological concerns/diagnosis to
share with your D/s partner? (Depression, social anxiety,
seasonal effective disorder, PTSD)
17. Are you currently taking any medication? ________ If so,
what? What are the side effects of these medications?
18. If your D/s needs, are not met in this relationship, how
will you express that?
19. If the problem persists, what will you do next?
20. Is there a trusted person that you can suggest for your
D/s partner to talk to if they need to process their thoughts
with someone other than you, (this should be someone who
will not take sides, gossip or attempt to lure your partner out
o this relationship)
21. What forum is provided for each member of the
relationship to express dissatisfaction without concern for
retribution or punishment? How often will this opportunity
take place?
22. What behaviors are "deal breakers" for you in a D/s
relationship?
23. If this is a live in relationship in which the dominant
controls the finances of the submissive, what provision will
be made that insure financial independence for the
submissive should the relationship end (i.e. a savings
account with enough money for a security deposit, rent for a
couple of months, furniture and groceries)?