IDIOTIC THOUGHTS

Day 1:

Coming from Computer Science background since very early during my Educational years, I have been
conditioned to look at things objectively for the most part of my life. The world was binary – 0 or 1, black
or white, right or wrong. It was until I delved into poetry and writing that the creative, emotional,
subjective part of my brain began interacting with me. Bad relationships, bad friendships, bad experiences
with people actually induced a characteristic in me – called Empathy. Till this date, empathy drives me. I
joined Tata Consultancy Services in 2014 immediately after graduation. And it was then that I realized how
important the quality of managing people is. And then it was everywhere. From handling telephonic
conversations with people, talking to your neighbors in the social setting, working within a team. I’ve been
quite observant when dealing with people. That’s the precise reason why this course is very interesting to
me. I came with an objective of exploring all the areas in management with a focus on HR subjects. Only
time will tell where I go from here. I believe understanding human behavior is one aspect of MBA that is
helpful in both our personal and professional lives as we live in a society and that is the largest
organization there can ever be.
The first day we came into the course, I wasn’t aware it is OB. But with all the charts pasted around asking
all sorts of personal question, it was quite clear what the course was going to be about.
The Taj case video was an exemplary incident of excellence in an organization. All of us want to excel in our
fields. Achieve our goals as soon as possible and fetch results quickly. What we need to do is stop for a
moment and look within. Understand what we want! Only then you conquer excellence! I’m in a state of
ambiguity about what I exactly want because my goals change shapes and sizes. There are too many
options! What I want to understand is how I find my meaning and purpose when there’s an ocean of
alternatives present. Will it stare right back at me when the time comes or do I seek it? Achieving my flow
state is the objective for the next 4 years. That may really help me find the purpose.
 Day 2:

My father is a Police Officer. Ever since I was born, we have always been on the move – it can go from
every three years to sometimes six years while other times a few months. Every time we moved, it enable
me to adopt a different personality. It varied from being Extroverted to being introverted, from being
practical to being intuitive, from being judging to being perceiving. I guess I was trying out from all the
plates. I never understood what it actually meant to be an introvert or an extrovert, to be intuitive, to be
judging or to be perceiving until the second lecture of IDIO. My MBTI results said I was an INFP personality.

“Still Waters run deep.”

They indeed do. But in my experience and through all my circumstances, I believe you cannot belong to
just one Box of MBTI framework. Different phases of your life, different milestones of your life, different
experiences demand you to be a different personality every time and you do deliver because that is
intrinsic change. I have not always been an I, I’ve been an E, and I’ve been a J. And even now, I’m perceived
as an E. I don’t believe in Boxes. The idea of MBTI may have a meaning in understanding yourself better,
but I do not conform to its idea of categorizing people. Every person is unique – every person is poles
apart. I believe only internalizing yourself – looking into yourself, introspection, retrospection, criticizing
yourself, spending time with and for yourself is the only way you can understand yourself better. It takes
time. It may take a lot of time. May be my lifetime, but I’m ready to pull the stunt!

Day 3:

I have always believed what you’re good at and what you really aspire to be may be polar opposites. I have
met people whose degree dictates them to be someone else, while their aspirations lie in completely
unrelated fields. Not fetching far, I have since ninth standard been a Computer Science person -
Information Technology in 9th and 10th boards, Computer Science in 12th boards and Engineering major
Computer Science. But I’ve always overlooked what I’ve wanted to do. I’ve liked to write since early in
school years, I’ve liked dealing with people, I’ve liked to dance. I never pursued what I wanted to do, but
what I should be doing. This all brings us to principle of IKIGAI. It helps us balance all we need for giving
meaning to our existence. It does sound fairy tale-like, but I would certainly strive to achieve that sweet
spot of purpose. But before that, I would really like to understand myself more – my strengths, my
weaknesses, and my passion - in continuation to the objective of last lecture.

Day 4:
This was an interesting day. This was the first time I could relate this subject to lyrics of actual songs. The
topic: Perception.
 “Maine yeh bhi socha hai aksar
Tu bhi main bhi sabhi hai sheeshe
Khud hi ko hum sabhi main dekhein”
Roughly translates to: “I’ve often thought about how we’re all mirrors. We see ourselves in everybody”.
You perceive people as who you are. Judging people and situations are very important – without that you
lose objectivity. It becomes difficult, but it needs to be controlled. Getting to a new place, a new
environment, meeting new people, basically interacting with anything new is a tedious activity. All of my
energy goes into not judging people by what they say or look like or behave like. You never know what day
has one been through. We behave differently in different circumstances as I’ve already stated. It is very
important to maintain subjectivity in perceiving people. But to what extent is what I would want to learn!
Objectivity sustains for a reason – it’s easy!

Day 5:

I’ve never been a fan of reality. I believe imagination overpowers reality. Perfection overpowers
imperfection. But sometimes, imperfection is more beautiful than perfection. We need to understand and
realize we are human and not machines. We are allowed to break down. We are allowed to have
emotions. The one characteristic that differentiates living from non-living is Emotion. Why not leverage it
rather than feel burdened by it? Accept one’s flaws rather than run away from them? Authenticity is not
easy. It’s always easier to copy someone else’s art than creating your own art. But, who wants it easy. I
have always seen real people make better leaders, more importantly better people. It has always helped
me make longer lasting and honest relationships whenever I’ve been myself. I don’t believe authenticity is
subjective. I believe you can be authentic anywhere you want to be. You ARE real. How difficult can it be to
portray so?!
 Day 6:

A million Dollar Question: Euthanasia?

Before I start blurting out words in support of it, who am I to judge? Do you think it’s ethical? Yes. Do you
think it’s unethical? Also, yes. Who gives us the right to be the judge of anybody else’s life? Who gives you
the right to be as selfish and end your life when you’re so closely knit in a society? Nothing is wrong and
nothing is right. My ethics hold true to me and so do they for the person sitting next to me. It takes a lot of
heart to accept that your ethics may differ from somebody else’s. I hope to try my best to achieve that
state.

Day 7:

When I was in 10th standard, I faced a condition called Writer’s Cramp. It disabled my writing capabilities
and brought me to the verge of dropping board exam. Fortunately, I did not and I handled the condition
until 2nd year of engineering. After 12th, there loomed a life changing decision in front of me. Bachelors in
Math or B.Tech. I could not move away from my family as I was not really well. At that point of time, I had
one decision, three options – Drop a year and get better, pursue Math from a below average college in my
city or B.Tech. from an above average college in my city. Weird how important circumstances are in
shaping our lives. I chose to drop a year and next year pursued Engineering from an above average college
in my city. I could not pursue Math as I could not move to another city. Sometimes, I wonder how different
my life would be now had I pursued Math. It could have been better or it could have been worse. There
come many a times that you stand at the intersection ad you have no idea where the path would lead you,
but you have to choose. Being intuitive helps here. My intuition lead me to engineering, to my workplace
to IIT Madras. I won’t call it bad at all. I don’t know where I would be had I chosen something else, but I
don’t regret it. Every decision bears fruit. Sometimes, you’ve got to wait longer than other times. I hope my
intuition serves me well as all I am doing is gathering data for my intuition to better itself.
 IDIOTIC THOUGHTS Part II

Learning/Thinking:

METACOGNITION. It’s surprising how a concept that is astoundingly new for me could generate so many
thoughts that I could not handle the extent it went into my system. Thinking about thinking is sometimes
actually what happens to me. I’d always wondered if my brain was actually sound. Sounds funny, but it did
seemed like something a lunatic would do. Now that I understand how important that is, I’m relieved. Also,
now that I know more about metacognition, I understand there are two components to it: (1) knowledge
about cognition and (2) regulation of cognition. Knowing about your thoughts can be very tricky and
complicated until you know how to handle it. It’s like having too much power and not knowing how to
handle it. The process is counterintuitive if the second component is not applied. I would certainly like to
work on it. This would enhance my learning and thinking process. Sometimes your thoughts teach you
more than anybody else could.
There was this statement my professor had made – “Empty your cup”. It is attributed to a famous
conversation between scholar Tokusan and Zen Master Ryutan. When your cup is full, you cannot further
fill it. Here the cup is your knowledge, learnings you’ve gained throughout your life. This refers to the very
important process of unlearning and relearning. You need to remove preconceived notions in order to
proceed. It is a world of disruptions. You always have to be ready to update your existing knowledge by
relearning or even unlearning.
I hope I’m able to apply the concepts in my real life. The quality of life you lead and work you do depends
on your ability to learn, unlearn and relearn alongside how you monitor, explore and improve your thinking
process.
 Poster Session:

We had our poster session today. What I’ve learnt in today’s session is something I would never have had
the opportunity to learn. It is much more important than what my entire two years and even beyond my
experiences here would be able to teach me. Handling yourself in a time of crisis. I’m sure this session was
equally challenging for our evaluator as it was for us. There are times when you could not simply be
professional no matter the criticality. It was a tough day for the girls of first year MBA. There was a horrible
incident in the girl’s hostel. It was the first time for me and many others from the batch that we’d had seen
something this unnatural in front of our eyes.
What stood out the entire day was not the negativity surrounding our dorm rooms, but the strength and
courage of all the people involved in the poster evaluation including the evaluator.
How I wish I could go back in time and lend my ears to someone who felt unheard and unimportant. But,
there are times when you know you’re a mere dot in the universe and you can’t change the past. All you
can do in such situations is move on and do what you’d committed. In this world of terrible uncertainties,
all we can do is stick to our words and promises. Some people call if professionalism, I call it living.
I hope things turn out to be okay in the next few months and we gather the courage to go through our lives
no matter what bogs us down. I hope we never let the fight in us die out and go on with fire and desire in
our eyes, with dreams which won’t die and even bigger dreams when we achieve them.
The topic of our poster was “IDIO in the movie: The Intern”.
We analyzed the personalities of the lead character and how the movie is a very important lesson on the
concept of learning. We inserted the concepts of IDIO like perception, Intuition, Learning, Authentic Self,
Connection and Strength.
Energies, Emotions:
I’m admittedly an immensely emotional and sensitive person. I’ve been often asked why you cry. Nobody
asked me such a question when I got angry. There are some emotions people consider alpha like anger and
the other like crying beta. You cannot classify emotions into brackets and say this is bad or okay or good.
All emotions are important. All are significant. There is a reason living beings have emotions and the utility
lies while living in a society, while working with people. It is very important to acknowledge the presence of
emotions, accept them and most importantly learn to handle them. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel
Goleman says there are five main elements of Emotional intelligence: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation,
Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills. Only when you’re aware of your emotions will you be able to
regulate them.
In a team, every individual brings an energy which is unique to them. Those energies brought by various
people may sometimes be in sync with yours, while other times may not entirely work out with your
energies and there may be a mismatch. It is very important for you to learn how to insulate yourself from
such energies, especially when you’ve to stay in close quarters with such individuals.
We also discussed about happiness, what brings happiness and how to enhance the feeling of happiness
more so extend it. Happy people are more productive. India ranks 140 on 156 nations worldwide on
happiness ranking. We’re one of the unhappiest countries of the world. In order for us to grow as a
country, as an organization or as an individual, it’s very important to know what makes us happy and then
hold on to it.

Motivation:

When you find what makes you happy, the same thing becomes a source for your energy and motivates
you. There are two types of motivation in general: Intrinsic and Extrinsic; however motivation only comes
from within, all extrinsic motivations fail when you’re not intrinsically motivated. For most of us, autonomy
is very motivating. I had a team lead who knew I only needed to be told what’s to be done and never
interrupted me until I was done. He understood what drives me is responsibility and trust. I work
excellently when I have complete autonomy over my responsibilities. I admired my team lead for that. It is
very important to know your source of motivation. As a leader, it is very important to understand what
drives your team members. Every person is different and their source of motivation is different.
Expectations are an unexpected source of motivation. The journey of fulfilling expectations starts right
from our birth, when you start fulfilling your parent’s expectations. As you grow you fulfil society’s
expectations including your professor’s, friends’, boss’s, and colleagues’. That’s what’s been motivating us
since ages. Learning how to drive expectations positively is a very important aspect of our lives. Invest in
expectations which align with your interests. Understanding what’s in your interest and what’s not takes a
lifetime, but due importance should be given to not let the expectations overpower you.

Mentor Session:

Mentorship is a project which is very different from all other assignments I’ve ever done. The concept is
very interesting, but the time equally short. In an intense course like MBA, it is very difficult to find time for
important things like mentorship. I believe it is very essential that everybody has a mentor. Few lucky ones
manage to find genuine mentors, but some unlucky one like me have never had the chance to have a
mentor-like relationship with someone. I feel the opportunity to talk to someone from the industry as a
mentor is very innovative, however it should have implemented since the very beginning with our preterm
and should go along for two years. My mentor was Mr. Sundar Parthasarathy, who has an extensive
experience of 30 years in the industry. He helped me with a lot of inhibitions I had. A major cause of stress
is when you try to fit into somebody else’s authentic self rather than being your authentic self. It is very
common to do that when there’s a lot of peer pressure. But that is the time when you’ve to hold your
grounds and be yourself. There were discussions on how psychology as a major is very intensive and a
basic understanding of it is very important for anybody who aspires to be a leader. There is a limit to the
extent where your domain knowledge will help you reach. Domain knowledge becomes a given after a
point of time and what makes you stand out is your peoples skills.
During another session, in response to my queries, my mentor introduced me to Thomas Kilmann’s model
of conflict resolution.
 a. Teddy Bear: Accommodating
b. Owl: Collaborating
c. Turtle: Avoiding
d. Shark: Forcing or competing
e. Fox: Compromising
It’s important to learn to switch between owl, teddy bear, fox, turtle and shark according to the person
you’re dealing with and the situation. No one person can afford to be a whole of either of these
personalities. It’s not good to be shark or a turtle every time. While sharks make themselves heard, being a
turtle helps when you prefer to choose your battles and not invest in every conflict there is. Fox is
considered to be a balance of all these personalities. Knowledge of this model is certainly very helpful in
discussions and conflicts, when you have to plan in order to move ahead.
Overall, my experience with mentor was very insightful and educating. It was a great opportunity to work
with someone towards your weakness and inhibitions and answer questions you can’t ask everybody.
This marks the end of my journal. I have learnt quite a few things and I hope I understand people and
myself a little better. It’s a never-ending journey and I wish to embark on it. Only time will tell how far I go.