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Qualities of A Good Coach Since everyone and their fucking dad is becoming a coach no…

Ciel HK
14 hrs ·

Qualities of A Good Coach

Since everyone and their fucking dad is becoming a coach now, I thought I'd write a quick post on the qualities that
make a good coach.
- First of all, you need to have an expert understanding on game, men and women relationship, how attraction works,
compliance, relationships, investment, social intelligence and social dynamics, influence etc. If someone is claiming
to help you get girls by fixing your childhood trauma, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. You can still be shit at game with
good inner game. If a high SMV white coach is telling you to "just be yourself", work on other areas of your life and
everything will come together, turn around and run away immediately. You can't teach someone game if you yourself
don't have a good grasp on why your game is effective. The better looking a coach is, the less game he needs. Not
to say the less game he has necessarily, but rather the less work he is required to put in. I look better now but I was
already getting very impressive results when I looked very average back in the day.
- You need to understand people on an extremely deep level. Be able to identify the different types of students.
Understand their mental patterns, how to relate to them and how you should be communicating with them.
- Game is sooooo much more than just outer game and teaching specific behaviors. It'd be so much easier if that
was the case. But people are carrying way too much garbage in their subconscious mind for it to be that simple. It's
outer game + inner game. Some students carry such emotional bag gages with them that it's impossible to "fake it
until you make it" until those problems are discussed and reframed in their mind. So as a coach, you need to have
the ability to lead these conversations and guide them through their past trauma. This requires you to really
understand people. And not only have a very deep level of empathy but also social intelligence to guide them
through it.
- Be able to identify exactly what is missing in the student's game and his very nuanced hidden sticking points and
have a solution for how they're fixed. This would require a lot of experience as a lot of sticking points can be very
subtle and therefore hard to point out. As mentioned, some problems have to be fixed with a discussion to reframe
past trauma. Others have a more immediate and apparent solution. It'd be difficult for high SMV naturals to relate to
others on this because they've never had to work through these problems. Effective game is about ticking off a
checklist of qualities. Some are naturally gifted with these and others have had to consciously learn it.
- How does this student take feedback? Everyone's communication style is different. Students who have no ego and
0 problems digesting harsh feedback are the easiest to teach. You just tell it to them straight up and they'll attempt
to fix it. But a lot have an ego and have blindspots which block them from hearing you. You can literally tell them
exactly whatsup, what they need to do to fix it, and yet they still won't hear you. So you need to understand their
communication style, understand the importance of your message and how it needs to be communicated to the
student. Sometimes they need to see that you genuinely care. Sometimes you need to yell at them and call them
out. Sometimes it's best to publicly shame them and apply social pressure so they get their shit together.
- Take students' self diagnosis with a grain of salt. Don't be so easily convinced when they tell you what they think
their problems are. I've learnt from experience that it's 99% the time false diagnosis, otherwise they wouldn't have
paid you to coach them.
- Understand what different people are motivated by. How do you motivate the student in front of you? Praise or
criticism? Men on average are mostly more motivated by challenges and criticism, but some lower self-esteem
students really need to be praised in order to get the ball rolling. This relates to a lot of people's mental pattern of
what I call "always playing a losing game", which is a symptom of not having received enough validation from
parents at an early age that as adults, they never give themselves any credit. If you're someone who rarely feels
good about yourself, expects yourself to be perfect all the time, and whenever you fail to meet that, you are harsh on
yourself, then this may be you. You are always playing a losing game.
- Be a good role model for your student. Your student should see you in your successes and be inspired, but also see
how you handle 'rejections' and learn to unphased by them
- Understand how to maintain a relationship with your student where you become close enough to him that he feels
comfortable sharing intimate facts and feelings with you, without losing that sense of authority so he still respects
your feedback.
- Understand exactly what would be the highest ROI (return on investment) activity for the student on a moment to
moment basis. I've seen other coaches waste time on low ROI sticking points when they should be spending time
on something more important. Sometimes students will try to get out of the doing the difficult thing that they should
be doing, and it's your job to keep them accountable.
- Understand how close to the students' breaking point you are. It's your job to push them to their absolute limits so
they progress as much as possible.
- Understand different cultures and their limiting beliefs so you can relate better and help them overcome their
limiting beliefs. Specifically for Indians, Asians and other minorities.
- Maintain a healthy constructive culture within the program you're running. I run a 1:3 instructor to student ratio so it
remains quite intimate. But it's been very helpful to create a culture where individuals are constantly challenging
themselves and being inspired by others' dedication.
This is just some scribbles off the top of my head. But for all coaches out there, good luck! And for all students out
there thinking to hire a coach, choose wisely!
-Ciel

Like Comment

24

Omar Chehimi
This is gold. Thanks for sharing 1

14 hrs Like Reply More

Zac Adraneia
that’s a solid read , SMV really matters especially when it comes to pitching to your market eg. going
for the women that are attracted to your archetypal image 3

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🤣
David S. Goldstein
Haha so true. Lmao at the first line bro 2

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🤣🤣🤣
Ciel HK
David S. Goldstein
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Matthew Ng
Wait in the beginning of your post you said dont hire anyone if they want to heal your childhood
trauma to get girls but then later on you talk about how important it is to "reframe" your trauma 2

12 hrs Like Reply More

 Ciel HK
Matthew Ng Hm I thought it’s pretty easy to differentiate the two.

I’m saying don’t hire anyone who claims solving your childhood trauma is the only thing you
need to do to get girls.

Then I said sometimes on the path to getting girls, you’ll need to resolve unresolved trauma.

Hope this clears things up 3

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Baset Baset
Ciel HK love this explanation!
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Ciel HK
Baset Baset Love you!
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Paya Erfani
Mani Kay Adwait Bagwe this is worth a read 1

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🔥
Ciel HK
Paya Erfani The boys
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Manuel Paolo
How about JMULV?
7 hrs Like Reply More

Tim Ray
Manuel Paolo great guy! Very talented! Good head on his shoulders! 1

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🤣
David Smith
Tim Ray
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Петар Влаховић
I totally agree for traumas. When I solved some of them, I didn't improved automatically my game.

But when I learned better outer game after solving it - that is the time I had the best results
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