Dr. Dhally M.

Menda

59-10

5: 5 Minutes of Pleasure
9: 9 Months of Pregnancy
1: 1 Child
0: 0 Husband
 59-10

My Journey as a Teenage Mother

5: 5 Minutes of Pleasure
9: 9 Months of Pregnancy
1: 1 Child
0: 0 Husband

i
5: 5 Minutes of Pleasure
9: 9 Months of Pregnancy
1: 1 Child
0: 0 Husband

ii
 Dr. Dhally M. Menda

59-10
My Journey as a Teenage Mother

The Menda Publications

iii
 59-10
My Journey as a Teenage Mother

By Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Copyright © 2017

1st Print July 2017

ISBN 978-9982-9992-4-3

All rights reserved. Do not reproduce or transmit any

part of this book in any form or by any means now
known or to be invented, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording or by any
information storage or retrieval system without the
written permission of the author.

Publisher:
Dr. Dhally M. Menda
Cover design: Dhally M. Menda
Printed in Zambia by:
Litovia Limited
In Text Pictures: Google & Dhally M. Menda

iv
 Also by Dr. Dhally M. Menda

“The Past Driven Life – 2016”

“Succeeding with Your Research Proposal – 2016”
“Motivational Interviewing for Risk Reduction in
Adolescents – MIRRA – 2015”
“Adolescent Owner’s Manual -2015”
“PENCIL Goals -2015”
“TAP Analysis - 2012”
“The Pencil in You - 2009”

v
 Approved by
The Curriculum Development Centre
(CDC)
Ministry of General Education

Recommended for use in Zambian schools

to supplement the learning of English and Life skills
at Grades 10-12.

CDC
Approved

vi
Contents

The Author ix
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xv
1: The Stolen Act 1
2: Sexuality: Five Minutes of Pleasure 15
3: Pregnancy: Nine (9) Nine Months of Pregnancy 39
4: Maternity: One (1) Child 53
5: Unmarried: Zero (0) Husband 61
6: Now, Listen…TAP 71
7: My Change Plan 105
Contact Dr. Dhally Menda 114

vii
To Today’s and Tomorrow’s
Adolescents and their Parents

viii
The Author

Dr. Dhally M. Menda

Dhally M. Menda, the Doctor: Public

Health Physician with more than 26 years
of experience in clinical care and public
health programme design and
management.
Holder of a Degree in Medicine, a
Master Degree in Public Health
(MPH), a Master Degree in
Business Administration (MBA),
a Diploma in Management and Administration, and a
Diploma in Health System Management. He is
currently pursuing his PhD in Motivational
Interviewing in the delivery of Essential Newborn Care
health education. Dr. Menda is the Head of Health
Programmes Department at the Churches Health
Association of Zambia (CHAZ).

Dhally M. Menda, the Lecturer:

Part-time Senior Lecturer in the School of Public
Health at the University of Lusaka (UNILUS), Zambia;
and at the Roehampton Online University, UK.
Visiting lecturer at the Kansas University Medical
Center (KUMC) in the USA.

ix
Dhally M. Menda, the Preacher:
Minister of the Gospel of Christ for the past 21 years
and pastoring at the Christian Way Tabernacle, Lusaka,
Zambia.

Dhally M. Menda, the Philanthropist:

Founder Chairperson of the Rural Children’s Hope
“RCH” – www.hoperch.org, for Purpose NGO, which,
for the past 20 years has put a smile on the face of rural
children through education, water provision, material
support and health care;

Founder of the Pencil Academy Limited, for Purpose

organization dedicated to inspire human being and help
them achieved their best in whatever domain of their
lives.

Dhally M. Menda, the Dontologist 1 :

As a ‘dentologist’, Dr. Menda uses the ‘Dream. Achieve.
Inspire’ concept to inspire young and old, rich and poor,
educated and illiterates so that they could leave a
permanent dent in the universe by their actions
(denting). Dr. Menda helps his audiences to be
empowered before going out to dent. Dr. Menda’s
Dentology seminars help people transfer their first
creations into second creation, achieve their dreams and
enjoy the life that the achievement brings to them.

1Dentology: It is the art of dreaming, achieving and inspiring. (word

coined by Dr. Menda).

x
Dhally Menda, the Husband and Father:
Married to Christine Mwasiti Menda, and father of
David and Rebecca Menda.
He speaks fluent English and French and is member of
several national and international Professional Societies.

The years spent in clinical work, counselling,

interactions with adolescents and youth, lecturing
sexual and reproductive health at the University of
Lusaka, and developing and implementing projects for
the prevention of HIV and AIDs, STIs and unwanted
pregnancies among adolescents and youth have made
Dr. Menda qualifies to write this book. This book, to be
used by the adolescents, youth, teachers and parents,
will for sure be your first step towards leading a
dignified life of purity.

xi
Page intentionally left blank

xii
Acknowledgments
I thank the teenage mothers who were supported
through my foundation, the Rural Children’s Hope –
RCH – for their real life stories that they shared with
me; and which helped me come up with the Mabvuto
character.
Christine, if you did not give a second chance to 38
teenage mothers who had lost hope, by facilitating their
re-entry into secondary school and financially and
materially supporting them through out their education,
I could have not written this book. You philanthropic
work and heart for the girl child has greatly inspired
me. Thank you my beloved.
My students, who through their life stories and
curiosity in trying to learn more and sexual and
reproductive health, helped me to reopen the 59-10
book which was accumulating ‘dust’ in my computer
books’ folder, and retouch the book, by adding issues
pertaining to the social media and ‘blessers’.
David and Rebecca, thank you for the questions you
started asking from a tender age, which helped me to
speak openly to the young people about sexual and
reproductive health issues. Thank you my great
teachers.

Dr. Dhally M. Menda,

MD, DHSM, MPH, MBA, PhD(c)

xiii
 Watch the path of your feet,
and all your ways will be established
Proverbs 4: 26

xiv
Introduction
Wherever you go, people are complaining about the
number of young girls who are falling pregnant,
aborting and becoming mothers at a tender age… It is
just a complaint and it ends there!

Parents complain, teachers complain, church leaders

complain, policy makers complain, and even the
adolescents themselves complain…but no one moves or
makes an effort to go to the bottom of the problem. No
one sits with the young people to help them understand
the why of this pathetic situation.

After decades of interactions with the young people,

working with them, talking to them and designing
multimillions adolescents and youth projects, I decided
to write this book, solely dedicated to adolescent girls
and young women and their parents/guardians. This
was actually my first book, which I wrote in 2005. I do
not know how it got stack in one of my computer’s
books folder. Because of the moral decay rise in our
societies, I decided to reopen my books folder, work on
the manuscript, which had been dormant for 12 years
and send it to the printers.

This book, comprising six chapters, takes you through

the journey of a beautiful and gracious young girl
named Mabvuto (meaning trouble in Cinyanja – local

xv
language of the Chewa and Nsenga people of Zambia
and Malawi) who was misled by her friend called
Monica. Her first ever-sexual intercourse led her into
trouble. She got pregnant. She stopped school. She
began to walk through a bumpy road full of heartbreaks
events and loss of the sense of dignity and life purpose.

Fortunately for her, she came across a doctor, who

happened to have some experience in working with
young people, who knew God, who understood the
making and fabric of the young people, and who had
helped many young people who had travelled Mabvuto’s
road before her.

Besides that, this doctor gave her time to discuss the

past, present and future. He made her understand that
she could neither change her past, nor redress it. That
doctor taught her the principles of TAP Analysis or the
‘Art of making informed decision’s. He taught her how
to Take the voices which come from all angles of life, to
Analyze them, to find out if they may have any
unfavourable or favourable consequences in her life in
the next day, week, month, year or decade of their
emission, and how to Permit only those voices which
have favourable consequences. That doctor happens to
be Dr. Dhally M. Menda. Listen to what he has to say
about Mabvuto, the 59-10 girl who had 5 minutes of
pleasure, 9 moths of pregnancy, 1 child, and 0 husband…

xvi
 1

The Stolen Act

!"
“For this is the will of God,
Even your sanctification,
That you should abstain from fornication”

I Thess.4:3
#$

1
My name is Mabvuto.
I am 17 years old.
I am a Zambian girl living in Nyanje Village, Eastern
Province of Zambia.

After Dr. Menda’s consultation, my mother was asked

by the nurse to leave the consultation room, for me to
have a private moment with Dr. Menda. Once alone, Dr.
Menda told me that I was pregnant…

That was like a bombshell that had fallen on my head,

and I began to cry...
After cooling me down, Dr. Menda asked me if we could
talk... if I had questions for him. He was ready to assist
me... to counsel me, or have a conversation with me.
This is what went on in the consultation room…

Me:
You told me that I was pregnant, is it the reason why I
am no more having my menses?
How come I no longer have my monthly periods?

Dr. Menda:
What you need to know is that each month, except
during pregnancy, a series of events occur in a woman’s
reproductive organs... A mature egg is produced and
released by an ovary, and the endometrial lining of the
uterus thickens in preparation for a pregnancy. If the
egg is not fertilized, the thickened endometrium breaks

2
down and is discharged. Menstrual bleeding (also called
menstruation, menses or a period) is the most striking
outward sign of the cycle, but associated with elaborate
changes that occur throughout the body.
A normal menstrual cycle is 21 to 35 days, with an
average of 28 days. This cycle normally lasts for 2 to 7
days, and it may be affected by factors such as travel,
anxiety, stress, dieting, illness, rigorous exercising, and
some drugs.

Me:
How do girls become pregnant?
Like in my case...
You said that I was pregnant.

Dr. Menda:
That’s a very good question!
This is how it happens. Sperm cells ejaculated during a
penetrative sexual intercourse by a male into a female’s
vagina are delivered at her cervix. They then swim
through the cervical canal into the body of the uterus,
and up through the fallopian tubes. If a sperm cell meets
and fertilises an egg, the process of cell division begins,
and the early pregnancy may implant in the lining of the
body of the uterus.

Can I tell you something Mabvuto?

I know that you are coming from a family which
believes in God, and in our interactions, you told me

3
that you are not very involved in church
activities…allow me to read you one scripture from this
Bible, which I always keep in my office. I would like to
read from the book of Genesis 3:16:
“… and your desire shall be for your husband…”
It was God talking to Eve.

Why am I quoting this scripture?

It’s clear Mabvuto, we are talking about sexuality here!
I do know that you are a Christian and you are expected
to obey what the Word of God, who created you, is
saying. If you are a true Christian, then listen to me…

When God created man, it was for him to cleave to his

wife… Note that He did not say to his girlfriend! Even
for the female, she was not expected to cleave to a
boyfriend… but to her husband.
What do we see today?
Everywhere we see boyfriends and girlfriends… The
sad part is that even married people are having
boyfriends and girlfriends! Your age mates are having
affairs with married people! Things are not to be like
that Mabvuto… Where has morality gone in our world?
Today’s girls only talk about ‘blessers’, or these old men
who financial maintain young girls like you.

Let’s come back to the issue of your pregnancy.

4
The only favourable thing the sexually active
adolescents like you are getting from the sexual
intercourse is a 5 minutes pleasure… Actually, it is not
even 5 minutes, because
you have your sexual act !"
in a hurry, for fear of For an act that lasts
being discovered or 5 minutes, this poor girl will
lose the trust of her husband
caught in the act! to be for the rest of her
The way that act is life
performed shows in itself #$
that it is illegal…
It is a “stolen act.”
Yes, Mabvuto, I said “stolen”.

If you listen to the confessions of young people who

indulged themselves in premarital sex, they will tell you
that they didn’t even enjoy the act, because of the fear of
being caught!
Remember, sex is a good thing…
Yes, the sexual act was made for married people and it
has to be performed within marriage! Sex is good only
within marriage. Those who are married take their time;
they go through all the stages of the sexual act and
enjoy it. They do not fear anything!

The “stolen act” is very painful and leaves a lot of scares

in those who practice it…
You lost your virginity… the greatest gift you could
have given to your husband to be...

5
For an act that lasts 5 minutes, or even less, you will
lose the trust of your husband to be, for the rest of your
life! In his mind, your husband to be will always say:
“I was not the first one, and I may not be the last
one.”

You know what?

A young girl like you who pulls her pants down before
somebody who is not her husband cannot make a
faithful wife…
She cannot be trusted…
She is a shame for her parents…, especially for her
mother…
She is a disgrace to her entire family...

Just imagine for a second…

This is a girl who had pre-marital sex with more than
one boys in her teenage, passing on the street hand in
hand with her handsome husband. What will happen
when she meets one of the men she had sex with?
Do you think that this man is going to have respect for
her or her husband?
Not at all!
This man will simply say in his heart:
“He thinks that he has a wife…
I knew her before him!
He is boasting with a prostitute!”
What a shame for the girl!

6
What a shame for the husband who cannot be proud of
having a wife! He is moving with a woman who has been
in the arms of so many men… I can guarantee you that
whenever she meets those men, the first image that will
come to her mind will be when she was pulling down
her pants…
Shame!

Sorry Mabvuto, I just have to be frank and open with

you. I do not want to beat about the bush on this matter
which has destroyed the lives of so many young girls. I
just have to call a spade a spade!

No, it is not only about girls!

It applies also to boys!
Have you ever heard about chastity?
Yes, boys are not supposed to have sex before
marriage… But what do we see in our world today?
A boy will meet a girl; tell her a lot of stories and ask
her to have sex with him, as an expression of her love
for him! This has been made easy with the advent of
Facebook and WhatsApp. Remember what your
boyfriend told you… That is what happened to you.

Me:
You are right doctor! As for me things started on
WhatsApp. We started with clean conversations… Each
morning he could send me a greeting with a picture of
flowers. During the day, we were exchanging

7
motivational quotes and great videos. As time went on,
he started asking me to send him pictures of my breasts,
then my buttocks.. and finally my whole naked body..
You know what, I was very obedient and shared with
him a lot of pictures of my naked body, including
pictures of my vagina!

Dr. Menda:
I know, but that is foolishness!
Do you know what boys discuss among themselves on
social media? They tell each other that boys should have
sex before marriage, in order to gain experience…
They share among themselves all these pictures that
you girls are sending to them!
That is totally foolish!
Excuse me Mabvuto for the term that I have used…
Such things simply irritate me…

Having sex to gain experience…

Which experience are they talking about?
Where did Adam get his experience from?
What about Isaac?
Have you ever read in your Bible that, prior to the
coming of Rebecca, Isaac was having sex with other
women to gain experience? Not at all! The man was
chaste! He married Rebecca when he was 41 years! He
waited patiently for his time… There is no harm for a
man to wait until marriage. Adolescent boys do not need
any experience…

8
Did you know that in the animal kingdom, animals have
sex only for procreation?
Oh yes!
I do think that animals have some morality lessons to
teach us humans…
Look at those boys who change girls like trousers…
Look at those girls who change boys like dresses…
Instead of gaining sexual experience, what they gain is
sexually transmitted infections, including HIV,
pregnancies like you Mabvuto, sorrows, worries, etc.
With each sexual act, they increase their chances of
contracting HIV and becoming pregnant!

Me:
What?
How can a young girl and boy infect each other with
HIV? They are young and innocents!
By the way, HIV is found only among adults!

Dr. Menda:
I am surprised Mabvuto…
Have you never heard about Trans-generational sex?
Never heard about “Sugar Daddies, Blessers”?
This is how it goes…
A boy has a girlfriend in the compound or at school; the
girlfriend has a sugar daddy, whom the boy does not
know. This man, who is married, gives her money, air
time for her phone, buys her body lotion and perfumes,
and all those other things. The wife to the man, who

9
was not a virgin when she was married, is no more
satisfied with her husband at home, and is having an
affair with another man who has three girlfriends,
former prostitutes…
See where the chain is going?

For the poor boy, the girlfriend means everything to

him and he is ready to make sacrifices for her, even to
spend his transport
money to take her for a !"
movie… If Lot who was living in
Sodom, a corrupted city,
Now imagine the managed to keep his two
consequences that an daughters virgin; why are the
parents who live in this 21st
act of 5 minutes can Century failing to give good
bring in the life of this education to their children?
boy… Firstly, he does
not fully enjoy the #$
sexual act, because it is
done in a hurry… stolen act… Secondly, he risks
impregnating the girl, hence compromising his future,
because he may be forced to marry her and take care of
that pregnancy… Thirdly, he can contract HIV and
develop AIDS in the years to come and fail to achieve
his dreams… An act of 5 minutes can compromise the
whole existence of a boy or girl.

10
Me:
Just a minute doctor. You talked about ‘Blessers’. What is
a blesser? I am not very familiar with this terminology.

Dr. Menda:
A blesser is a sugar daddy who is rich and has a lot of
money. So when a young girl like you dates one, this
man will financially or materially bless her.
The trend started on social media, where jobless young
women were posting about their glamorous lifestyles,
claiming that they had been ‘blessed’. This raised the
curiosity of their social media friends who started asking
them who their blessers were...

In short, this is a butter system in which the young girl

offers her body and has sex with an elderly rich man,
and in return he gives her money and material gifts.
Today’s girls have hair-blessers, school fees-blessers,
mobile phone-blessers, body lotion-blessers, you name
it!

Me:
I get it.
Please go ahead doctor, with what you were talking
about.

Dr. Menda:
Now, what is better for you?

11
Wait, not have sex and have a clear mind and fulfill your
dreams in life or have pre-marital sex, run a high risk of
contracting a virus which will shut the door of your
future, have an unwanted pregnancy and close the door
to your future marital life and education?
Think about it…
Anyway, for you, you have got the answer…you are
pregnant…you have been ‘blessed’ with a pregnancy!

If Lot who was living in Sodom, a corrupt city, managed

to keep his two daughters virgin; why are the parents
who live in this 21st Century failing to positively
influence the lives of their children?
Why are they failing to keep their daughters virgin?
Why are they failing to keep their son chaste?
Mabvuto, do you have an answer to my question?
Anyway, we’ll talk about it…

Me:
Doctor, why are you blaming me?
I came here with my mother to get assistance, but you
are now blaming me and my parents…
Is it really my fault, if I am pregnant…?
I did not know what I was doing!
Those impulses were stronger than me… you know that
love lowers our guard!

Dr. Menda:

12
I am not blaming you Mabvuto…we are just reasoning
and trying to come out of this problem…
It is not your fault; it is the fault of your brain.
Anyway, I do not want to talk about this now…remind
me, I will tell you why you lowered your guard and
allowed that boy to have sex with you.
I know that you came here for help, and I truly want to
help you.

Me:
Then, help me!
I want help, and help now!

Dr. Menda:
Mabvuto, your case is a pure “59-10!”

Me:
What’s wrong with you doctor?
What does Five thousand nine hundred and ten have to do
with me or pregnancy?

Dr. Menda:
It is not about Five thousand nine hundred and ten, but it is
about Fifty-Nine Ten (59-10)!
Listen to this…

Me:
What?
My case is a 59-10 (read Fifty-Nine Ten)?

13
Dr. Menda:
Yes.

Me:
What does it mean? You are now confusing me and
trying to take my mind away from the pregnancy issue.

Dr. Menda:
No, young lady! This is directly related to your
pregnancy!
Don’t you believe me?
This is what 59-10 stands for:
• 5: Five Minutes of Pleasure
• 9: Nine Months of Pregnancy
• 1: One Child
• 0: Zero Husband
Get it now?

Me:
Not really…

Dr. Menda:
Don’t worry! I will explain it to you in detail.
Let me start with the 5 minutes of pleasure… that is
part of what we call sexuality, in the medical jargon.
Ever heard about sexuality?

Me:
Yeeees, but not really... Explain it to me.

14
CONTACT DR. DHALLY M. MENDA

One-on-one Coaching
Do you need personal coaching to work through a
particular issue in your life? Set up goals for your life?
Dhally works with a wide range of clients on issues
ranging from work, motivation and faith.

Speaking Engagements
Looking for a speaker who can craft a programme that
uniquely addresses the needs of your audience?
Whether your goal is to address a specific business or
academic need or allow depth and discussion regarding
motivation, faith and values, Dhally can design a
programme customized for your needs.

Strategic Planning Retreats

Is your organization headed in the right direction? Do
you operate as a team? Dhally conducts leadership
team’s retreats that help participants cut through the
distractions that hinder success, solidify team building
and reduce organizational stress.

To contact Dr. Dhally Menda, e-mail him at

dhally.menda@gmail.com

114
The Stolen Act
Join me in this conversation with Mabvuto, a
59-10 adolescent girl who had the misfortune of falling
pregnant after indulging herself in a premarital sex. She
stole the sexual act which is reserved for married
people…Through this conversation, I discussed with
Mabvuto issues pertaining to sexuality and the challenges of
teenage pregnancy and childbirth. Frank talk!

Mabvuto is not alone in this journey… so many girls are

experiencing the 5 minutes of pleasure in sexual acts
which are not meant for the unmarried, some of them fall
pregnant and experience the challenges of the 9 months of
pregnancy, carrying a baby in their wombs. For those who
are lucky, they end up with the gift of 1 child. Because
their babies’ fathers would have deserted them, pushing
them into the real world with 0 husband! 59-10…

In this book meant for both adolescents and their parents,

Dr. Menda shares scientific insights, which can help
prevent the occurrence of 59-10s in our communities. The
book closes with Dr. Menda’s signature concept of TAP
Analysis, as a strategy to prevents bad life choices, which
for Mabvuto led her into wounds of vesical-vagina fistula and
HIV infection. Listen…..

Dr. Dhally M. Menda, MD, MPH, MBA, PhD(c)

27 years working with adolescents
& 21 years of Pastoral work… Join
me in this journey and let’s talk.