HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF FART

by El Duderino June 14, 2019

Much like zen masters can control their minds, an elite group of dudes is able
to control something just as powerful: their farts.
No, we’re not talking about holding them in. We’re talking aboutfarting on
command, an impressive feat that rivals that of raising one eyebrow and licking
your elbow. To the blind eye, farting appears to be a matter of chance. But as
you’re about to discover, making yourself fart is simpler than you might think.
These five tried and true methods will put the odds of flatulence in your favor.

GET SOME FART FUEL FIRST

Just likemarathoners need a big breakfast on race day, you need the right fuel to
make yourself fart. In case you haven’t readthis post about why your farts smell
so bad, here are some foods that are like rocket fuel for flatulence:

• Leafy greens
• Beans
• Dairy
• Beer and wine
• High-fiber food
• Carbonated drinks
Now that you’ve got gas in the tank, here’s how to let it loose.

THE AIR-SWALLOW METHOD

Of all the methods to make yourself fart, the air-swallow is the easiest (and
most socially acceptable). Here’s how it works:

1. Sit up straight on a comfortable surface

2. Fill your mouth with air (don’t inhale it into your lungs)

3. Swallow the air

 4. Repeat until you feel the air working its way down to your derrière

Bet they didn’t teach you that trick in science class.

THE ANAL INHALE METHOD

At first this sounds like a superhuman feat—inhaling with your butthole? But
it’s actually quite simple. Just like you can make yourself burp by swallowing
air with your mouth, you can make yourself fart by letting air in and out of your
ass.

1. Lie down somewhere flat and pull your legs towards your head

2. Relax your rectum and let the air seep in slowly

3. Keep at it until you feel a butt bomb bubble up

4. Let ‘er rip

For the sake of your reputation, we don’t recommend conducting this exercise
in public. But after a long day of holding in farts at work, there’s no reason why
this shouldn’t be added to your evening wind-down routine.

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