A Journal Entry, a Longing

by cma

“
It is forbidden, I know, and I should erase these words, but
their presence and their place keeps me sane. I know
that it will not happen
no matter how much I long, so I should prepare now for the
slap later. I pull myself along with my heels and heart a
heavy weight –- heavier than the pizza box strewn on the
table and
your arm on mine and
your eyes locked onto my face. They see differently, so
differently, than mine. The light for you dances differently
than the light for me, painting the figures of the world in
different shadows. Your face as you see it looks different
to my eyes, seamless and smooth, a sight you will never
quite see. Maybe it’s in the corner of your eye, sure, but I
see it as if on a stage, singing a number and reading lines,
nude and exposed as only some productions allow. You are a
statue of marble, a divine art piece, but you are not
interested in museums. You are a work you will never see,
and for that
I want you even more.
But the hours are up and the doors are closing; patrons must
exit and the curtains must close, but forever my mind can
hold onto you. You just don’t know it, and never will, as
your illiterate eyes can never read the expression on my
face
whenever I see you.
”