MINDFULNESS • Discover Your Inner Peace

JUNE 2020
SHARON mindful.org
SALZBERG
deepen your
love and
compassion

LOVING
KINDNESS
why being kind
matters most of all
Inn timees of unncerttaintyy, Miind thhe Mooment is here,
withh new w offeringgs deesigned esspeeciaally for the public.
 Every Tuesday from 8:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. ET, and every
Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. ET, we’ll be getting our
minds limbered up for the day with short bursts of mindfulness
instruction, followed by mini meditations, all featuring our
team of expert instructors.

We’re calling it our coffee-house in the cloud—

a way to build community, feel connected, and get centered.

For information on how to access this series, visit us at:

harvardpilgrim.org/mindfulness.

And if that timing doesn’t fit your schedule, check out

the back episodes available on our YouTube page.

Looking for even more on demand offerings? Go to our

Soundcloud page for an archive of our guided meditations.

Like what we’re doing? Give us a shout on Facebook. Or drop

us a line at mindthemoment@harvardpilgrim.org.
We’d love to hear about how you’re doing, and keeping up
the feeling of connection with yourself, and others.

mindthemoment@harvardpilgrim.org • www.harvardpilgrim.org/mindfulness

facebook.com/mindthemoment @mind_the_moment soundcloud.com/mindthemoment youtube.com/mindthemoment

The Mind the Moment program was developed and is offered by Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, Inc.
 CONTENTS THE LOVING-KINDNESS ISSUE
COVER ILLUSTRATION BY MIKROMAN6 / GETTY IMAGES. PHOTOGRAPH BY ANDREAS WONISCH / STOCKSY

Loving-Kindness
Connects Us All
Life-changing wisdom from meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg
to nourish our essential goodness and compassion.

p.36
June 2020 mindful 3
 36
Heart to Heart
Loving-kindness is so much more than
On the Cover
“just” a feel-good practice. It is the
force that can connect, inspire, and 36 LOVING-KINDNESS
motivate us to transform the world. Why being kind matters most
of all, with Sharon Salzberg

62 MINDFULNESS
Discover your inner peace

STORIES
20 Mindful Living
The Gift of
Reading Out Loud
24 Mindful Health
Caring for Your
Amazing Brain
30 Inner Wisdom
How Can I Mend

52
My Broken Heart

PHOTOGRAPHS BY WAYHOME STUDIO / SHUTTERSTOCK, SONG HEMING / STOCKSY. ILLUSTRATION BY EDMON DE HARO
32 Brain Science
The Science
of Self-Insight
What It Means to
Have Clear Vision
How connecting with your purpose
helps you thrive. EVERY ISSUE
6 From the Editor

8 The Mindful Survey

12 Top of Mind

18 Mindful–Mindless

66 Bookmark This

62
72 Point of View
with Barry Boyce

VOLUME EIGHT, NUMBER 2, Mindful (ISSN 2169-5733, USPS 010-500) is

Easy Speed
What swimming taught me about
self-compassion and letting go.
published bimonthly for $29.95 per year USA, $39.95 Canada & $49.95 (US)
international, by The Foundation for a Mindful Society, 228 Park Ave S #91043,
New York, NY 10003-1502 USA. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY,
and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to
Mindful, PO Box 469018, Escondido, CA 92046. Canada Post Publication Mail
Agreement #42704514. CANADIAN POSTMASTER: Send undeliverable copies
to Mindful, 5765 May St, Halifax, NS B3K 1R6 CANADA. Printed in U.S.A.
© 2020 Foundation for a Mindful Society. All rights reserved.

4 mindful June 2020

from the editor

With Love for All

While we were finalizing this issue—with Mindful staffers
working from home, COVID-19 updates on the news—
what kept running through my mind was the depth of our
interconnectedness.
That’s such a far cry from the rugged individualism
many of us grew up with. In high school, I remember
reading Emerson’s essay “On Self-Reliance” with delight.
Its quintessentially American view on how to live—avoid
conformity, trust your own truth—combined with Bruce
Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” and I was raring to seek
adventures wherever my heart led.
Go west, young man!
And I did.
But now, that bold individualism doesn’t feel so allur-
ing. What’s calling now—individually, collectively—is
banding together to support one another, to bring kind-
ness where there is pain, generosity where there is need,
vulnerability where there is hardness, all softened,
smoothed, and strengthened by love, the loving-kindness
of interconnection.
Indeed, loving-kindness seems so much wiser, like the
grown-up elder who welcomes the young hero from his
or her adventures back into the fold and the mature love
of community. And loving-kindness seems vital to pull us
through this global pandemic. From the heroism of health-
INTRODUCING
care workers, and many others on the front lines; to the
ingenuity of artists, teachers, and innovators finding ways
online to lift spirits and ease fears; to communities, neigh-
bors, and families all pitching in and pulling together.
We are all in this together and together we will find
our way out.
With that in mind, we’ve dedicated space in the issue to
understanding and cultivating loving-kindness with the
luminescently inspiring Sharon Salzberg as our guide. Sha-
ron shares her journey to loving-kindness, defining its rele-
vance, and a beautiful vision: “I believe in the possibility of
a world where our interconnection is a deeply known and
motivating force, where no one is left out…where change
might be hard, but is always seen as possible, however
stuck we might feel in any given moment.”
As COVID-19 encircles the globe, drawing us closer
To help navigate these difficult days, check out
PHOTOGRAPH BY STEPHANIE DIANI

together even as we need to be apart, I hope you too

mindful.org/covid to access a collection of free create—and feel—waves of loving-kindness, supporting,
resources curated to help you tap into community, healing, and carrying you forward.
connection, and love.
With love,
Anne Alexander is a longtime meditator, yogi, and editor.
She is the author of two New York Times best sellers.

6 mindful June 2020

the mindful survey

MOMENTS
of Meaning
5%

33%
From brewing a morning drink to reading a
bedtime story, our personal rituals are like Do you most often do
rituals with others, or
friends, giving us purpose, stability, and by yourself?
flow through the day—even in tumultuous
times. How do rituals show up in your life?
• With others: 5%
62%
• By myself: 62%
• It depends: 33%
How are your everyday rituals
helpful to you right now?

What are some rituals you

“Starting with engage in regularly?
something familiar
helps me cope “FaceTiming with
with the many • “Smelling coffee with any type of
uncertainties of people who are brewing. Walking exercise.”
these times.” the dog. Sitting • “Sewing gifts
@BOARD_2_BOX important to me in meditation.” for friends and
• “Deep breath- family.”
“We play hide-and- fills me up with ing, counting my • “Starting the
seek as a family blessings, and day with a warm
each night. It gives hope each day.” chatting with my water and gin-
us a time to laugh kids.” ger drink.”
and connect.” @MINDFULSKATERGIRL • “Sharing daily • “Stretching in
@VTCONDON appreciations the early morn-
with my hus- ing, then writing
“They’re important band every night my to-do list.”
to measure time.” before we go to • “Family dinner
@JARVEVA “They provide a “They’re definitely sleep.” most nights, my
sense of calm in useful for recon- • “Daily medita- healing group,
“They help me stay the storm.” necting with tion and sweat and exercise.”
on track with self- @MASLOW40 ourselves.”
care, so I can bet- @MINNIE_BLUELOVER
ter support myself “My rituals—I have
and others.” a coffee, go for a “They help me stay
@JOANNAZAKANY run, read my kids on track, continue Does your favorite ritual
stories—give me to improve myself, energize you, or help you
a sense of flow in and get my goals find calm?
the day.” completed.”
@SAWHITE1987 @HEYEIAN
• Energize: 20%
“They help me to • Calm: 80%
be still in tune with
everyday life.”
@MAYASQUILLA

8 mindful June 2020

 A NONPROFIT SUPPORTING YOUR
MEDITATION PRACTICE SINCE 1975
MADE IN VERMONT

M E D I TAT I O N C U S H I O N S

IN YOUR WORDS M E D I TAT I O N B E N C H E S

JAPANESE INCENSE
LO J O N G S LO G A N C A R D S
M E D I TAT I O N G O N G S
What ritual connects you
to your inner power?

“Deep breathing and listening to a guided

meditation. And, of course, reading Mindful!”
ANTHONY
KINGSTON, ON

“While getting dressed, I read

three affirmation books. I’ve been
rereading one of the books for over
20 years! Each daily reading gives
me something different each time.”
PATRICIA
BRONX, NY

“I go for a walk on the forest trails and stop

every so often to do part of a sun salutation.
Inhaling and feeling grateful, exhaling feeling
Take your seat.
grounded and connected.”
ELAINE
DENBIGH, ON

“I try to listen and empathize with people I

interact with on a daily basis. It helps me in
realizing there is so much joy, laughter, pain,
and other emotions people are dealing with
from day to day, yet keeping their smile on.”
SHAIFALI
STAMFORD, CT

Next Question…
What always awakens your
feelings of gratitude?
30 CHURCH STREET,
BARNET, VERMONT 05821
Send an email to yourwords@mindful.org samadhicushions.com
and let us know your answer to this question.
Your response could appear on these pages.
1.800.331.7751
Save 5% on Meditation Seats
with code MINDFUL

June 2020 mindful 9

 Healthy Mind, Healthy Life

mindful magazine • mindful.org

Welcome to
Founding Editor Chief Executive Officer
Barry Boyce Bryan Welch

Content Director Creative Director

Did you know Mindful is a Anne Alexander Jessica von Handorf

Executive Editor Managing Editor

nonprofit? We are dedicated to Heather Hurlock Stephanie Domet

inspiring and guiding anyone who Associate Editors

Kylee Ross
Associate Art Director
Spencer Creelman
wants to explore mindfulness Amber Tucker
Editors-at-Large

to enjoy better health, more Contributing Editors

Teo Furtado
Hugh Delehanty
Kaitlin Quistgaard
Katherine Griffin
caring relationships, and a more
compassionate society. Director of Operations Consumer Marketing Partner
Amanda Hester Bark Media
By reading Mindful and sharing it with others, you’re
Director of Finance Marketing Coordinator
helping to bring mindfulness practices into the world Terry Rudderham Janice Fuller
where the benefits can be enjoyed by all.
Accountant CPA, CMA Administrative Assistants
Paul Woolaver Sarah Creelman
Thank you! Graphic Designer
Jen Schwartz

Christel LeBlanc

ADVERTISING INQUIRIES

Advertising Director Advertising Account Representative

Chelsea Arsenault Chris Gooding
Toll Free: 888-203-8076, ext 207 Toll Free: 888-229-4428
chelsea@mindful.org chris@mindful.org

Print magazine & special topic publications Editorial & Central Business Office
5765 May Street
Halifax, Nova Scotia, B3K 1R6 Canada
mindful@mindful.org
Editorial Inquiries
30 Day Mindfulness Challenge If you are interested in contributing
to Mindful magazine, please go to
mindful.org/submission-guidelines
to learn how.
Customer Service
Subscriptions:
Toll free: 1-855-492-1675
subscriptions@mindful.org
Retail inquiries: 732-946-0112
Moving? Notify us six weeks
in advance. We cannot be
responsible for issues the post
office does not forward.

FREE! Guided meditations & podcasts

THE FOUNDATION FOR A MINDFUL SOCIETY

Mindful is published by the Foundation for a Mindful Society.

The Foundation’s mission is to support mindfulness champions
Mindfulness video courses to increase health, well-being, kindness, and compassion in society.

Chief Executive Officer 228 Park Avenue S #91043

Bryan Welch New York, NY
10003-1502 USA
Visit online at mindful.org Executive Director
James Gimian

Mindfulness in Education
Program Manager
Chris McKenna

Please make a donation to the

Get More Mindful donate foundation today by visiting
mindful.org/donate

10 mindful June 2020

 slated to premiere
in North Ameri-
can cinemas, but
screening plans
were scuttled
by the COVID-
19 pandemic.
Undaunted,
Beemer and
team have made
The Mindfulness
Movement avail-
able worldwide
to rent or buy at
themindfulness-
movement.com.

A FRESH TAKE
ON MEDITATION

If you thought
combining
freestyle verse,
rhythmic beats,
and mindful-

TOP OF ness was impos-

sible, prepare to

mind and looks at

the benefits of
meditation. The
documentary film
Mumford, and
more. Each of their
stories sheds light
on why the prac-
because you’re in
pain or because
you want relief
from maybe stress
believe otherwise.
Toni Blackman,
Hip-Hop Cultural
Ambassador to
the US Depart-
ment of State
Keep up with the latest in the
world of mindfulness. features the Mind- tice is spreading or whatever. And and mindfulness
ful staff at work, so quickly and how then as soon as teacher, leads
interviews with the shift toward you start to see Freestyle Union
MEDITATION AT very own home executive produc- mindfulness is the benefits, it’s so Cypher Work-
THE MOVIES theater. Writ- ers Jewel and shaping a happier, easy to share and shops—freestyle
ten and directed Deepak Chopra, healthier society. the desire is there rapping in a group
Mindfulness by Rob Beemer, as well as Sharon “Mindfulness is to share. And it’s setting—that serve
and meditation The Mindful- Salzberg, Dan Har- one of those things just utterly trans- as a therapeutic
can be found ness Movement ris, Congressman that you just want portable. It’s free. way to let people
from schools to explores why a Tim Ryan, Richard to share,” Beemer Everybody can work through
boardrooms to growing number of Davidson, Daniel told Mindful. do it. It’s secular. their emotions
prisons—and now people are practic- Goleman, Diana “Oftentimes you The fact is that it and exchange
streaming in your ing mindfulness, Winston, George enter it perhaps all just makes a ideas. People
better society. I are encour-
PHOTOGRAPH BY DANIEL SCHLUDI

think that it brings aged to express

out the good in so themselves to
many people.” The the rhythm of a
doc also includes beat. Blackman
two opportuni- led a workshop
ties for audiences for Black His-
to practice while tory Month, and
watching. It was has applied the
 top of mind

concept to MBA
programs, busi-
ness and non-

ACTS OF
profit teams, and
school faculties.
Blackman’s own
work includes a
hip-hop medi-
tation mixtape
Believe: Medita-
tion Mixtape, fea-
kindness
turing rap tracks
and guided medi-
tations that pro-
mote self-respect “How can I help?”
and assurance. and “How long
Blackman’s forth- does it take to
coming mixtape make a vaccine?”
is titled Clear Your were among the
Mind: A Medita- queries. Prime
tion Mixtape. SUNSHINE Minister Solberg’s
THERAPY main message res-
haven’t developed to improve focus, onates with young
THE ART OF the attention strengthen peer A photo shared by and old alike: “It is
MINDFULNESS skills required relationships, and China Daily—and OK to be scared
of a traditional identify feelings. internationally on when so many
Does your mind- practice. A new social media— things happen at
fulness practice holistic art-based MEDITATION shows a simple the same time.”
include drawing program at Lau- IS HARD! act of kindness in
yourself as a tree rentian University Wuhan, where Dr.
or painting how aims to overcome Ah, Barbie! The Liu Kai wheeled
music makes you that by using visual plastic icon who an 87-year-old
feel? It can be a lot arts to teach kids used to represent man with COVID-
of fun, especially who are dealing little beyond a 19 outside to see
for kids. Teach- with social exclu- passion for fashion the sunset. “The
ing mindfulness sion and circum- is now on a self- elderly man had CELLO,
to children can be stances related to care kick. Mattel been stuck in the NEIGHBOR!
challenging if they poverty strategies released a line of isolation ward for
Wellness Dolls with nearly a month. I Cello-playing
themes of relax- thought the rays siblings Taran,
ation, spa time, fit- of the sun might six, and Calliope,
ness—and medita- cheer him up,” said nine, in Ohio, gave
tion. Breathe With Dr. Liu. neighbor Helen
PHOTOGRAPH BY MATTEL, TINA FLOERSCH / UNSPLASH

Me Barbie comes Schlam a private

in light or dark porch concert,
skin tones, and KID STUFF while 78-year-
she offers calming old Schlam was
phrases such as Norwegian Prime self-isolated due
“Repeat after me: Minister Erna Sol- to COVID-19. The
I am strong. I am berg held a special siblings dressed
loved.” (Stay tuned press conference up for the occa-
for a Mattel–Head- recently, taking sion, and Schlam
space collab on a questions from told CBS the music
meditation playlist kids, and kids only, made her feel “sort
for Barbie’s fans.) about COVID-19. of like a little kid.”

June 2020 mindful 13

top of mind

Research News
by B. GRACE BULLOCK

Research gathered from University of Miami; California

State University; Kennesaw State University; and University
of Copenhagen.

Before the study, and four weeks

professional later, the military
military train- trainer group
ers completed a showed the
12-week MBAT smallest decline
training practi- in attention and
cum and eight memory. They
weeks of training also spent more
PROTECTING to teach MBAT time meditating
SOLDIERS’ to soldiers. on their own,
BRAINS Mindfulness suggesting that
Active-duty sol- trainers who training tailored
diers face mental had not worked to their needs
and emotional with soldiers also may be most
challenges that completed the effective in pre-
diminish atten- practicum. Next, venting stress-
tion and memory. 180 healthy, related cognitive
New research active-duty, male decline.
by Mindfulness- army volunteers
Based Atten- received MBAT
tion Training instruction
(MBAT) codevel- from either a
opers Dr. Amishi military trainer
Jha and Scott or a mindful-
Rogers finds ness trainer, via
that mindfulness weekly two-hour
instruction may instruction and IMPROV-
lessen cogni- daily audio- ING STRESS
tive decline due guided sessions RESILIENCE
to mental and over four weeks, More on the ben-
emotional stress. on themes of con- efits of MBAT: a
MBAT combines centration, body four-week Mind-
mindfulness awareness, open fulness-Based
principles and monitoring, and Attention Train-
practices with connection. Sol- ing program may
skills relevant to diers in a control bolster firefight-
soldiers, aim- group received ers’ attention,
ing to reduce no mindfulness mood, and stress
stress and build training. Both resilience. In a
resilience. at study’s end new study, 121

14 mindful June 2020

firefighters were in the MBAT to 90 days.
assigned to an group reported Outdoor spaces
MBAT group, a greater increases ranged from
relaxation train- in psychologi- small gardens to
ing group, or a cal resilience large wilderness
no-treatment than the others. areas.
control group. As Also, the more Results
in the study with time firefighters showed that
soldiers, MBAT spent practicing practicing mind-
participants mindfulness at fulness in natural
received formal home, the more settings generally
mindfulness likely they were yielded positive
instruction on to increase their effects. Programs
concentration, attention and that occurred
body awareness, positive mood. in the wild, and
open monitoring, Results suggest those that used
and connection, that mindfulness informal mind-
along with eight may help first fulness practices
audio-guided responders cope (like open aware-
practices, and with high-intensity ness), tended
were asked to job demands. to be linked to
better outcomes
than those
Being in nature may lessen requiring formal
meditation, as
our mind’s tendency to were those that
wander, allowing us to bet- focused on pro-
ter remain in the present. ducing a mind-
ful state, rather
than building a
mindful disposi-
tion. Authors
complete at least believe “the
one per day. TAKING MIND- experience of the
The relaxation FULNESS natural environ-
program used OUTDOORS ment, which is
guided imag- A new research so fascinating
ery, breathing review finds that it calls for
exercises, and that combining soft attention,
progressive time outdoors thereby allowing
muscle relax- with mindful- disengagement”
ation, plus audio ness may be may explain
practices. Before more beneficial the benefits
and after train- than one or the of practicing
ing, all partici- other. Research- outdoors. They
pants completed ers examined 25 also suggest that
an attention test existing studies being in nature
and answered of nature-based may lessen our
questions about mindfulness mind’s tendency to
their mood and programs. Inter- wander, allowing
psychological ventions ranged us to better remain
resilience. Those from 15 minutes in the present.

June 2020 mindful 15

top of mind

Mindfully
EVER AFTER
A growing number of books for kids
explore mindfulness themes like focus-
ing on the breath, self-acceptance, and
self-compassion. Here are three new
books worthy of your library.

The Real Me
This picture book, written by a six-
year-old from Blakely, Georgia, is
about accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Br’yonna Sealy wrote it because she
wanted “all the little girls in the world,”
as the book’s dedication has it, to know
that they’re beautiful. Additionally, the
first-grader wanted to help people
living without homes, so a portion of
the proceeds from the book will go to her
local church’s food pantry—and guests
at her book launch were asked to bring
non-perishable goods for donation.

Her Body Can

This book bills itself as the first body-
positive book for kids. Its authors, a pair
of moms from Atlanta, wanted to offer
young readers a book full of true diver-
sity. The illustrations depict kids of all
races, abilities, and sizes, and the book’s
message is that our bodies are amaz-
ing just as they are, no matter what.

The Breathing Book

Chris Willard and Olivia Weisser’s latest
book for kids takes an active, hands-on
approach to mindfulness. The Breath-
ing Book is packed with practices and
activities that bring the book’s mes-
sage to life, inviting young readers to
PHOTOGRAPH BY BRINA BLUM / UNSPLASH

notice sights, sounds, and sensa-

tions that arise as they explore the
practices in its pages.

16 mindful June 2020

 what to do when
THOUGHTS ARISE
Q A
The essential atti-
Sometimes when
tude of a meditator
I’m meditating
is curiosity. Medita-
a thought arises
tion gives us an
that feels really
opportunity to look at what our
important. What should
minds do when we’re paying
I do about important
attention to them. And what
thoughts and ideas that
the mind often does is wander
arise when I’m meditat-
off. Try to integrate an attitude
ing—and what about the
of playfulness into your
irrelevant ones?
practice. Your practice doesn’t
need to be rigid and strict—
there can be spontaneity and
flexibility. So, your mind wan-
ders. See the thought, touch
it—say here’s the thought,
spend a moment with it. If it’s
important, note that you want
to come back to it—feel free
to say, in your mind, that’s an
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, ILLUSTRATION BY IRACOSMA / ADOBE STOCK
important thought, I want to
remember it. If it’s irrelevant,
note that it’s irrelevant. Either
way, very gently bring your
attention back to your breath.
Gentleness is important here,
because what we practice and
repeat over time becomes
a habit. Consider this: What
would the days, weeks, and Elisha Goldstein is a
psychologist, cofounder
months ahead be like if you
of the Center for Mindful
were gentle with yourself? Living in Los Angeles,
What would be different? and creator of the online
When your mind wanders off mentorship program
“A Course in Mindful
and you quickly yank it back, Living.” His course “How
it’s worthwhile to go back and To Meditate” can be
say what was that thought found at mindful.org/
how-to-course
again? Take note of it, and
practice more gently bringing
your attention back.
RESOURCES
CONNECT WITH A
MINDFULNESS TEACHER
To help you sort through the ever-expanding
meditation space and find the right mindfulness
teacher for your needs, the Oxford Mindfulness
Centre, in partnership with Mindful, is launching
a directory. The UK team crafted guidelines that
help identify ways mindfulness teachers are cre-
dentialed as well as their areas of expertise. This
new platform aims to connect mindfulness
teachers and students, creating communi-
ties of care across the globe. If you’re a mind-
fulness teacher (or you know a great one) you can
sign up and create a teacher profile so people can
find you and you can help support their practice.
Find the directory at mindful.org/directory
June 2020 mindful 17
 top of mind

MINDFUL OR MINDLESS?
Our take on who’s paying attention and who’s not

by AMBER TUCKER

In Asheville,
NC, news anchor
Justin Hinton was report-
ing via Facebook on the first
big snowfall—but didn’t know
he’d activated “Mystery Mask,” a
series of goofy augmented-reality
filters. He appeared in a Cats
headpiece, a wizard hat, and a
neon-pink moustache, to
name just a few.

MAIL
On her blog
Children’s Happy
Days, Karina invites children
around the world to write to her
about what gives them joy. She
translates and publishes each letter
online as a reminder that happiness
comes from “our family and friends,
enough time, doing the things
you love, and seeing the
magic in this world.”

Germany just got
greener: The country
is converting 62 of its
disused military bases into
nature reserves, expanding
the European Green Belt and
protecting countless crea-
tures. The total protected
area will be larger than
40,000 football fields.
Guardian Media
Group announced it
will no longer accept
advertising from fossil fuel
extraction companies on any
of its web or print publica-
tions. The group is on a roll:
Five years ago, GMG was
also the largest fund to divest
from fossil fuels.
Members of Amazon
Employees for Cli-
mate Justice spoke
up, urging the tech giant to
scale back its carbon foot-
print, which rivals that of Swit-
zerland or Denmark. Three
of the workers claim Amazon
responded by threatening to
fire them.
What’s even less
mindful than texting
while driving? On
social app TikTok, drivers try
the popular “cha-cha slide
challenge”: swerving all over
the road, in time with the D.J.
Casper track.
Please just don’t. ●

MINDFUL MINDLESS

18 mindful June 2020

 mindful living
The Gift of
READING OUT LOUD
Reading used to be a social activity,
not something we did silently to
ourselves. For thousands of years, we
shared the news of the day around
a crowded dinner table or a bar, and
stories were told aloud after tea and
chores. Perhaps now is a good time
to revive the art of reading aloud as a
form of connection and community.
Interestingly, perhaps because of
the vast span of historical time when
reading also meant experiencing
sound, even when we are reading
silently to ourselves it turns out we’re
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Heather Shayne Blakeslee is the
founder of Red Pen Arts and publisher
of Root Quarterly in Philadelphia.
20 mindful June 2020
Connecting with each other by
reclaiming our roots as storytellers.
still “hearing.” When we’re settled into
our favorite book, or armed with our
paper on the train (indeed, as you’re
reading these words to yourself right
now), auditory processing areas light
up in our brains.
Today, it’s not unusual to attend a
mindfulness retreat and hear some-
one read a passage aloud. Reading
aloud and listening to someone read
aloud can be a great way to tune in
to the present moment and bring our
mindfulness practice to life. And while
there’s also evidence that reading aloud
can improve comprehension and mem-
ory, it is simply a wonderful opportuni-
ty to be present with friends and family.
Elaine Smookler, a performer,
singer, psychotherapist, and mind-
fulness teacher (and regular Mindful
columnist), suggests that to use read-
ing aloud as a kind of mindfulness
practice, we should remember that
mindfulness is about awakening to
the moment. PHOTOGRAPH BY TARA ROMASANTA PHOTOGRAPHY / STOCKSY
“Mindfulness is about engagement,”
says Smookler. If we’re reading but
not necessarily connecting with the
other person, or we’re trying to make
ourselves sound a certain way, we can
easily slip into automatic pilot. “But,
if we can courageously stand on the
precipice of opening up a book, take
a few breaths, and enter into sharing
with another person—staying close to
the intention of being present—read-
ing aloud can be a powerful instru-
ment of connection.”
By Heather Shayne Blakeslee

How Reading Aloud Can
Be a Mindfulness Practice
Consider reading aloud an engaging alternative to zoning out
with Netflix. Here are a few ways you can incorporate mindful
reading into your mindfulness practice.
Start Small
Just as you start meditating
in shorter bouts that be-
came longer over time, give
yourself permission here to
do the same. Books of short
fiction, poetry, and essays are
great for reading aloud. You
might start with a two-person
reading practice, one-on-one
with a partner. Depending on
the person, it could be a lovely
nighttime wind-down ritual.
Take turns reading, so that
you can spend time with the
intimate experience of being
read to as well as the way that
reading the words out loud
makes you feel and see imag-
es differently.
Surprise
Yourself
Remember that the idea is to
be engaged in the moment,
mindful living
to allow ourselves to be sur-
prised and shaken out of the
routine of our own habits of
mind. “So, if we are engaged,
we might read it one way today
and another way tomorrow.
If we’re reading the same way
every day then we’ve already
lost track of the intention of
mindfulness, which is to be
present in the moment,”
says Smookler.
Play, Don’t
Rush
The goal is not to get to the
end of the story but to expe-
rience it fully. Feel the way
your breath shapes the words.
Don’t be afraid to laugh; don’t
be afraid to weep; to stop and
ask questions, and to say,
“Again!” as a child would after
their favorite story ends for yet
another time, only a moment
later to begin anew. Smookler
suggests that no matter how
you approach it, don’t let it be
about falling in love with the
sound of your voice, or nega-
tively judging how you sound,
even if it’s a “squeak.” →
June 2020 mindful 21
mindful living
Encourage
Others
In our modern book clubs,
we all commit to reading the
same book together—yet we
do the reading part alone. If
you’re already part of a book
club, you might suggest read-
ing the first few chapters of
the next book together, even if
you meet virtually. Encourage
people to take notes about
their favorite passages or
ideas as someone reads, or
to close their eyes and simply
take it in. When the chapter is
over, if you’ve found a particu-
larly beautiful or insightful line,
have someone repeat it and
then have a silent meditation
for two minutes to reflect.
Then share.
Read Aloud
Alone
Reading aloud can also be a
way to spend some quality
time alone connecting with
22 mindful June 2020
the voice and mind of a
beloved author, rather than
scrolling through social
media feeds. Pick a favor-
ite book, a favorite speech,
monologue, lesson, essay, or
poem. Can you feel the voice
of the author or character as
you read aloud? Does it help
you connect to them in a
different way?
Memorize
a Favorite
Poem or Prose
Passage
Embodying a piece of writing,
out loud, without reading,
offers a unique way to connect
with the present moment.
Once memorized, those words
will always be with you, just
like your breath is. ●
mindful health

Caring for Your

AMAZING BRAIN
Making smart lifestyle choices now will support the
health of your brain for years to come.

The human brain is the most dazzlingly complex

entity in the entire known universe: 80 billion
brain cells, with additional neural cells through-
out the body. Each neuron connects across
synaptic gaps to thousands of other neurons,
resulting in trillions of connections responsible
for all of the brain’s internal communications
and processing and all of our external behaviors
and creations. Neuroscientists are beginning to
map those connections, drawing the brain’s neu-
ral “connectome,” much as molecular biologists
have mapped the human genome. There are as
many neuronal connections in a single cubic
centimeter of brain tissue as there are stars in
the Milky Way galaxy. Contemplating the brain
boggles the mind.
Protecting and nurturing the functioning
of your brain is important for your long-term
health and well-being. You can make lifestyle
choices that protect, exercise, and strengthen
the physical brain, which in turn supports the
complexity of all of your emotional, relational,
and cognitive functioning.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Linda Graham, MFT, is a licensed marriage
and family therapist and mindful self-
compassion teacher in the San Francisco
Bay Area. She is also the author of
Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing
Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and
Even Disaster (New World Library, 2018).

24 mindful June 2020 By Linda Graham

 Exercise makes you
1 Move It!
Research in the last 10
smarter. It can help years has made it abun-
dantly clear—we need to
you think more clearly move our bodies not just
for the health of our heart,
well into old age. lungs, muscles, and joints,
but also for the health of
Exercise can even our brain. One of the best
things you can do for your
help reverse memory physical brain is to break a
sweat with aerobic exercise.
decline as you age. Vigorous exercise makes
your brain release brain-
derived neurotropic factor
(BDNF). This is the hor-
monal growth factor that
causes your brain to grow
new neurons, particularly in
the hippocampus, the struc-
ture of the brain that con-
solidates learning from new
experiences into long-term
memory. BDNF also stimu-
lates those new neurons to
increase the length, density,
and complexity of their den-
drites (the extensions of the
neurons that receive input
from other neurons), creat-
ing “thicker,” more complex
networks in the brain. In
addition, BDNF speeds the
maturation of new neu-
rons into fully functioning
brain cells. This protects
related structures, like the
prefrontal cortex, from
brain atrophy and cognitive
decline. Exercise makes
ILLUSTRATION BY ADDICTIVE CREATIVES / STOCKSY

you smarter. It can help

you think more clearly well
into old age. Exercise can
even help reverse memory
decline as you age.
Regular exercise also
stimulates the heart to
pump more blood to the
brain, increasing the flow of
oxygen and glucose in the
brain that fuels all of the
brain’s activity. Further-
more, exercise causes →

June 2020 mindful 25

mindful health
the release of essential
neurotransmitters like
serotonin, dopamine, and
norepinephrine that stimu-
late various types of brain
activity; endorphins that
make you feel; and acetyl-
choline, which increases
alertness. Because of these
effects, exercise has been
shown to be as effective an
antidepressant as Prozac in
head-to-head clinical trials.
Exercise regenerates
our telomeres, the protec-
tive protein sheaths at the
ends of our chromosomes,
likened to the plastic caps
on the ends of our shoe-
laces that keep the laces
from unraveling. Because
telomeres keep our chro-
mosomes from unraveling
as they replicate, protect-
ing our telomeres prevents
copying errors in our DNA
and extends our span of
healthy life. Exercise also
26 mindful June 2020
extends our span of healthy
life because it acts as an
anti-inflammatory, reduc-
ing the underlying causes
of many systemic diseases
and delaying the onset of
degenerative diseases. The
body needs to move for
about 30 minutes for the
brain to release feel-good
endorphins. Three times a
week is good enough. Five
times a week is great. Little
and often applies here, too:
moderate exercise over
several days is more effec-
tive (and safer) than a big
workout once a week.
Activities like running,
vigorous walking, bicycling,
swimming, and using the
stair climber at the gym
are bilateral movements
(moving the two sides
of the body alternately,
thus stimulating the two
hemispheres of your brain
alternately) and have an
especially calming effect on
your nervous system while
nourishing your brain.
Exercising with others—
dancing, tennis, basketball,
and volleyball—activates
your social engagement
system, creating a sense
of safety in the brain and
priming its neuroplasticity.
Activities like these also
engage the dopamine path-
way of pleasure and reward
in the lower brain that
keeps you motivated. Mix
it up to keep your exercise
routine interesting. Recruit
a buddy or join a good gym
to expand your options and
enhance your motivation.
2 Aim for
Deep Sleep
Curiosity can be an
Enough sleep, and deep
important part of sleep, is essential to brain
and body health. Many of us
creativity—following routinely don’t get enough
sleep; our lives are too busy,
one idea, one turn too stressed. Young people
especially don’t get enough
in the road after sleep. Teenagers may get
five to six hours of sleep a
another, with open- night at a stage of develop-
ment when their brains
minded interest. need eight or nine hours to
finish growing.
Lack of sleep affects your
metabolism, immune sys-
tem, and genetic health —
and especially brain health.
If you get only five to six
hours of sleep every night
for a week, you likely have
the same level of cognitive
impairment as if you were
legally drunk.
While you are sleeping,
doing “nothing,” the brain
is doing vital tasks:
• Consolidating learning
 and memories from the day
and storing that learning in
long-term memory. Sleep
optimizes cognitive func-
tioning, restoring your abil-
ity to process information
and retrieve information
quickly when you are awake.
• Restoring the equilibrium
of the nervous system. Sleep
absorbs the stress hormone
cortisol. REM sleep is the
only time the brain is clear
of norepinephrine (adrena-
line), processing memories
of the day but without emo-
tional charge. There’s less
anxiety in the morning.
• Regular housekeeping,
cleaning out dead and atro-
phied neurons.
• Allowing the prefrontal
cortex to rest from its execu-
tive functioning and from
controlling your impulses,
making it better able to
function again the next day.
Sleep researchers have
long known about the brain’s
two main forms of normal
sleep. The first one, REM
(rapid eye movement) sleep,
is a slight activation of the
sympathetic nervous system.
We dream during REM
sleep (nightmares result
from too much activation).
The second one, slow-wave
sleep, is a deeper, nondream
sleep, an activation of the
parasympathetic nervous
ILLUSTRATION BY ADDICTIVE CREATIVES / STOCKSY
system. Through imaging
technologies used in sleep
study labs, scientists have
discovered that the brain
has a third form of sleep. If
your brain gets overtired
during the day, it will shut
itself down for a fraction of
a second—a break so short
you don’t notice it—and then
turns itself back on so that
you keep functioning.
3 Eat a
Mind Diet
You truly are what you eat.
Everything that nourishes
the body and the brain
comes from the food you eat
and drink. The bottom line
about a diet good for the
brain comes from Michael
Pollan, author of In Defense
of Food: “Eat food. Not too
much. Mostly plants.”
Researchers have identi-
fied foods that promote
good brain health. The
MIND diet (standing for
Mediterranean Interven-
tion for Neurodegen-
erative Delay) is a good
example, recommended to
help prevent, reduce, and
reverse cognitive impair-
ment from aging and
dementia. It includes lots
of vegetables, dark leafy
greens, nuts, berries, beans,
whole grains, fish, poultry,
and olive oil. The omega-3
fatty acids found in fish
and some nuts and seeds
are particularly important
nutrients for the brain.
4 Build Your
Brain Cell
Reserve
The brain learns and
rewires itself from experi-
ence all the time. The more
complex the experience
or the learning, the more
integrated the functioning
of the brain, because more
of our senses and regions
of our brain are engaged
in taking in the new →
June 2020 mindful 27
mindful health
information and processing
it. That work of integration
and complexity, which har-
nesses the brain’s neuro-
plasticity, is a protection
against brain atrophy—los-
ing brain cells as we age.
It’s called building cogni-
tive reserve. You did that
when you were younger by
going to college or master-
ing a craft. By keeping your
brain active, you have more
brain cells in the bank, so
to speak, to buffer the loss
of brain cells that comes
naturally with aging.
To create a surplus of
gray matter, try learning:
• to play a musical
instrument
• to speak a foreign
language
• to play a complex game
like chess or go
• your way around a new city
• your way around a new
relationship
• your way around a new
service activity in the
community
All of these examples
involve procedural learn-
ing: The brain is learning
how to do something and
processing that experience,
not just memorizing new
facts. The more complicated
the learning, the better.
5 Get
Creative,
Be Curious
Any creative endeavor—
stream-of-consciousness
journaling, process paint-
ing, mixing ingredients
together without a recipe,
making up a new game
with your children—pushes
the functioning of the
brain into new territory
28 mindful June 2020
Laughter is often a
good way of breaking
the ice and bonding
with people, and
bonding with people
is supergood for
the brain.
and puts the brain in a
state of flow. That puts
new brain cells to good
use. Curiosity can be an
important part of creativ-
ity—following one idea,
one turn in the road after
another, with open-minded
interest and without pre-
conceptions or judgment.
Curiosity is a great spur to
creativity. Children tend to
approach their world with
uninhibited curiosity and
wonder at the most ordi-
nary rainstorm or bug.
6 Laugh
Out Loud
Many people think of
laughter as an emotion, or
something akin to one. Not
so. Laughter is a physiologi-
cal mechanism that reduces
stress in the body and the
brain. Laughter releases
catecholamines, dopamine,
and norepinephrine—neu-
rotransmitters that make
the brain feel sharper and
brighter. Laughter is often a
good way of breaking the ice
and bonding with people,
and bonding with people is
supergood for the brain.
Play—encountering or
creating new situations,
dropping into the default-
mode network in the brain,
making up new rules, new
characters, or new worlds—
gives the brain a good
workout. Play often also
engenders laughter, a sense
of connection with other
people or things in our
world, and a sense of relax-
ation and ease. All of those
are good for the brain, too.
We can be so busy and
pressured that we forget
to laugh and play, and then
we forget how to. If you
experienced a lot of trauma
in your early life, you may
never have learned how to
safely laugh and play. This
capacity is fully recoverable
with practice.
7 Hang Out
and marriages, friendships,
business partnerships,
social groups stay intact
and flourish. Sometimes
shared interests and life
paths diverge, and we find
ourselves drifting out of
touch with people who
were once close and sig-
nificant to us. Sometimes
in our own maturing and
healing we are no longer
as tolerant as we once
were of hanging out with
unhealthy brains.
8 Turn Off
Technology
Researchers are document-
ing our rapidly escalating
overuse of digital devices
and identifying the increas-
ingly serious effects on our
brains, our relationship,
and our resilience—espe-
cially the effects on young,

with Healthy still-developing brains. In

Brains
Focus on the power of social
interactions with people,
casual as well as intimate,
to foster brain health and
psychological health. We
continue to evolve as we
mature and move through
life in new ways. Sometimes
we coevolve with others,
a world where you brain is
constantly bombarded with
emails, texts, tweets, and
posts, one of the best things
you can do for it is to let it
rest. Rest from long peri-
ods of energy-consuming
focused attention and the
overstimulation of inces-
sant incoming messages
that can negatively affect
several essential capacities
of your brain. ●

Excerpted from the book Resilience:

Powerful Practices for Bouncing
Back from Disappointment, Difficulty,
and Even Disaster. Copyright ©2018 by
Linda Graham. Printed with permission
from New World Library. 
www.newworldlibrary.com

June 2020 mindful 29

inner wisdom
How Can I Mend My
BROKEN HEART
My heart felt as if it were
being squeezed through
a meat grinder. I couldn’t
stop sobbing as I drove my
pale blue Volvo through
the streets of Vancouver,
wondering, to quote the
BeeGees, “How can you
mend a broken heart?”
It is natural to want love.
But sometimes, in spite
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elaine Smookler is a registered
psychotherapist with a 20-year
mindfulness practice. She is
also a creativity coach and is
on the faculty of the Centre for
Mindfulness Studies in Toronto.
30 mindful June 2020
When love falls apart, embracing your life as it is,
agony, misfortune, and all, can help you heal.
of all the good things you
are doing to keep it going,
love falls apart. And you
fall apart and everything
around you seems to fall
apart. And it feels rotten.
Even if you have a regular
mindfulness practice, at
this gut-wrenching moment
you might not want to focus
on your breath or your body
because it all feels so raw
and horrible—and then you
might feel guilty because
you think you should be
practicing, but you just
can’t or don’t want to. But
meanwhile you are really
suffering and would like
to feel better. So whadday-
agonnado?
Sometimes a broken
heart can feel as if someone
has taken a baseball bat to
it. Maintaining awareness,
a.k.a. mindfulness, is about
staying present to the times
you might want to crawl
under the porch like a
suffering dog, noticing hurt
in a particular way, so that
you can offer yourself deep
tenderness and compassion
and embrace your life as it
is—agonies, misfortunes,
and all.
The very moment that
you would prefer to push
away the nasty feelings that
are eating you alive like
fire ants, or the devastat-
ing feelings that make you
think you never want to
love again, or the red-faced
foolish feelings that heat up
shame, is the moment your
mindfulness practice can
come to your aid.
To begin: Gently notice
the emotional maelstrom
and slather yourself with the
milk of human kindness. Life
can feel so hard but we don’t
have to make it harder by
being harder on ourselves.
We don’t have to like it
when sorrow is present, but
By Elaine Smookler
we can investigate how we
might stand up to what is be-
yond our control or choice.
Be aware of which chan-
nel your mental TV is tuned
to. No notice how much
you are drawn to replaying
painful memories over and
over. You might be hoping
that this self-torture film
festival will make you feel
better, but brain science
suggests that fixating on
the dead bones of anything
only serves to unwittingly
train the brain to make this
painful story your new go-
to thought-munchie.
In times of great distress,
you might approach yourself
as though you were a crea-
ture you’ve happened upon
in the wilderness. Pause.
Take in the details. Go
slowly. Approach yourself
with care and friendliness.
Heal From Heartache
This three-step A.W.E. practice can help you
lessen suffering and stay engaged with your
precious life, even when you’d rather not.
Allow yourself to feel
1 the messy, swirling,
uncomfortable sensations
that show up. It is natural
to want to flee from
pain, but turning to face
psychological pain can be
the very thing that frees
us from its overwhelm. If
conditions allow: Feel it to
heal it.
2 Welcome what you
are feeling and notic-
ing with tender curiosity.
Acceptance can reduce
agitation and resis-
tance—chums that often
act as triggers for fight,
Notice the thought-loops in
your head, like questioning
ways you could have made
things work out differ-
ently. If you’re up for it,
bring attention to the body
sensations these thought-
loops activate. Thoughts are
not usually experienced in a
neutral way—they set chem-
ical reactions and urges in
motion. Welcome awareness
that gives you permission
to intentionally turn toward
love and care for the dear
one known as you.
Even if the pain of heart-
break is burning you like an
acid-bath, you may still need
to go to your job, take care of
family, and generally contin-
ue to function. That’s where
our mindfulness practice
helps us stay engaged with
our lives, even when they
seem to be falling apart. ●
flight, freeze. Ease often
accompanies the ability
to have compassion for
self and others.
Experience grat-
3 itude—the gift that
keeps on giving. If you can,
find anything at all about
the situation to be thank-
ful for. Consider anything
you may have learned,
or any growth that was
nurtured. See if holding
the whole unpleasant
experience with an atti-
tude of gratitude gives you
the opportunity to lighten
your load.
June 2020 mindful 31
brain science

The Science of
SELF-INSIGHT
Just how much should you know about yourself before
it becomes detrimental to your health?

Gabrielle was lonely. A series of
short-lived romantic relationships
had left her heart in tatters. Although
she said she was ambivalent about
pursuing a committed, long-term
relationship, she reported feeling
lonely and continued to fall into
intense relationships with men
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sharon Begley is senior science
writer with STAT, a national health
and medicine publication. She is also
author of Train Your Mind, Change
Your Brain and Can’t Just Stop: An
Investigation of Compulsions.
who didn’t give her the support and
intimacy she craved.  herself feeling hurt and rejected when
With just a few pointed questions,
psychologist Colleen Becket-Daven-
port got to the bottom of what was
going on: Gabrielle was choosing men
who were “all unavailable in some
way,” said Becket-Davenport, who
practices in San Francisco. “They were
already in a committed relationship,
they had mental health issues of their
own, or lived far away, for instance.”
When these men didn’t respond to
her texts, Gabbie made excuses for
them (“He has a lot going on right
now”). Despite her insistence that she
didn’t “need a boyfriend,” she found
the relationships ultimately imploded.
By helping Gabbie see how their
unavailability made her feel (“When he
doesn’t respond to my texts, it makes
me feel like I don’t matter”), what she
truly wished for (“An emotionally
intimate relationship with someone
who checks in with me and cares how
I feel”), and why she was choosing
unavailable men (“I don’t think my
needs are important”), Becket-Daven-
port was able to give Gabbie something
psychologists have long seen as crucial
to well-being: self-insight. →

32 mindful June 2020 By Sharon Begley • Illustrations by Edmon de Haro

 THE COMPLETE ONLINE COURSE

HOW TO MEDITATE
Find focus, feel peace, and uncover your inner power

Mindful is pleased to present How Includes

to Meditate—a new online course • Expert lessons and
with psychologist and mindfulness practices
teacher Elisha Goldstein that • Downloadable
audio meditations
will help you discover peace,
• Lifetime access to
increase resilience, and develop a course content
mindfulness practice that lasts. • Much more

LEARN MORE AND TRY YOUR FREE SESSION AT

mindful.org/how-to-course
brain science

How much self-knowledge

is too much?
“Most therapy is going to aim to
increase self-insight in some way,”
said Becket-Davenport. “This may
mean gaining insight into your less
conscious motivations, understanding
how your thoughts influence your
behavior, or simply developing better
emotional awareness.”
If you don’t look too deeply, it’s
hard to argue with the ancient
Greeks’ counsel: “Know thyself.” To
understand one’s motivations (Why
do you procrastinate? treat a certain
family member or “friend” like dirt?
act like a doormat in relationship after
relationship?) is to take the first step
toward being mindful about behavior
that messes up your work, relation-
ships, and life in general. In my own
case, I finally understood that much
of what I do—from working com-
pulsively to obsessively checking on
my children to periodically blowing
through my apartment like a Category
5 hurricane to cull unneeded pos-
sessions—arises from anxiety. That
insight enabled me to set priorities
and behave more thoughtfully.
The assumed value and benefits
of self-insight in all its forms, from self-delusion about one’s abilities rife
a clear-eyed assessment of your (more on this in a minute), but we
strengths and weaknesses to a hard- stink at seeing our own personality If self-insight
won understanding of why you behave states. As a 2019 study reported, peo-
and interact as you do, has schol- ple can mostly tell when they exhibit is so beneficial,
arly backup. In a 1937 textbook that extraversion or conscientiousness, but why aren’t
launched the science of personality, are clueless about their own agree-
Gordon Allport called “an impartial ableness, neuroticism, and openness more people
and objective attitude toward oneself” to new ideas.
a “primary virtue.” If any personality Given how rare self-insight is,
better at it?
trait is unambiguously desirable, he researchers are asking whether
continued, “it is the disposition and self-insight in general, and into one’s
ability to see oneself in perspective.” abilities in particular, is necessarily
More than 60 years later, leading beneficial, and whether a drive for
psychologists warned, “People who self-insight is, as long assumed, a
do not see themselves accurately are human universal. If any of those were
likely to bungle their lives.” so, we should have more of it.
Science, of course, is about ques- The conventional view is that
tioning what seems obvious, and people are motivated to achieve
the value of accurate self-assess- self-insight because its value is obvi-
ment—a.k.a. self-insight—has been in ous. “Effectiveness in life depends
its crosshairs recently. One reason: If on knowing one’s strengths and
self-insight is so beneficial, why aren’t weaknesses and in having an accu-
more people better at it? Not only is rate assessment of one’s personal

34 mindful June 2020

characteristics,” leading psycholo-
gists wrote in the book Selfhood. That
knowledge allows us to focus on what
we need to improve or, conversely, to
leverage our true strengths. Indi-
viduals with stellar abilities will be
more motivated to pursue relation-
ships, ambitious projects, and other
challenges—success in which boost
well-being—if their self-insight is
accurate. If they don’t realize their
strengths they may never reach for
the stars.
Clearly, however, self-insight can
backfire. Gaining 20-20 vision into
your mediocre abilities or character
flaws—seeing that you’re not, say, the
creative baker or the sympathetic per-
son you thought—can sap confidence
and even obliviate the will to strive in
any realm of life, including relation-
ships and career. That’s especially
true if this self-insight comes cour-
tesy of the “honest feedback” beloved
in academia and the workplace. No
wonder progressing along the road to
self-insight can feel more like being
pushed into a deep, muddy ditch.
Scores of studies have tried to
answer whether the benefits of
self-insight outweigh its potential
harms. I am sorry to say that when
it comes to the best-studied form
of self-insight, assessment of one’s
abilities, the results aren’t clear-cut.
“There is much work out there that
shows overconfidence to be costly
and work that shows it is beneficial,”
said psychologist David Dunning of
the University of Michigan, a co-dis-
coverer of the Dunning-Kruger effect
(people overestimate their abilities
and virtues).
One reason for the discrepancies is
that the benefits and costs of accurate
self-assessment vary by circumstance.
“When people face extreme chal-
lenges, being unrealistic about your
abilities can be beneficial,” Dunning
said. “Overconfidence is also helpful
as a social device when you want to be
persuasive.” But if it leads you to take
on challenges where you’re guaran-
teed to fail it can be ruinous (think
of an overconfident gambler or stock
trader, Dunning said).
Progressing along
the road to self-
insight can feel
more like being
pushed into a
deep, muddy ditch.
The connection between
contentment and self-insight
An influential 2019 study was the
latest to cast doubt on the value
of self-insight. Researchers at the
University of Toronto had 1,044
volunteers complete tests of cogni-
tive and emotional abilities and then
estimate how many items they got
right. The gap between actual and
estimated scores served as a proxy for
self-insight into those abilities. Next,
for a week, participants filled out a
daily diary whose questions aimed to
capture their satisfaction with work,
relationships, and life overall.
In a result that would appall the
ancient Greeks, people with poor
self-insight were more satisfied with
their lives than those who saw them-
selves clearly. Those who most overes-
timated their abilities were the most
content with their work, relation-
ships, and overall life. Of two people
with equal ability, “the one with the
highest self-views is the more highly
adjusted,” Toronto’s Joyce He and
Stéphane Côté wrote. Poor self-in-
sight into emotional abilities—that is,
overestimating them—was specifically
associated with greater career con-
tentment, while poor self-insight into
cognitive abilities was associated with
greater contentment in both work and
relationships.
“Thinking you’re better than you
are might lead you to feel content,
[and] think that your life, career, and
relationships are going well,” said He.
“We do not find that self-insight led
to [better] adjustment,” as so many
experts assert.
How can having the self-insight
of a rock bring greater contentment
than a clear-eyed assessment of
strengths and weaknesses? For one
thing, ability does not necessarily
translate into success. (Insert your
favorite horror stories of incompe-
tents climbing the career ladder, or
of the emotionally clueless attracting
hordes of friends...or at least aco-
lytes.) Instead, someone who acts
with confidence, from proud pos-
ture to self-promotion, is generally
perceived as both more competent
and more desirable (as a friend or
more) than someone who does not;
through an emperor’s-new-clothes
effect, that perception translates into
“higher status and adjustment,” Côté
and He wrote.
Another factor may be in play.
The researchers measured people’s
subjective well-being, He cautioned,
not “more objective indices, like job
performance and income.” Those
might tell a different story. But even if
they do, self-enhancement carries the
day: Poor self-insight extends to not
realizing that, objectively, things are
not going well.
At least for a while. Eventually,
reality has a nasty habit of catching
up to self-delusion, and an exagger-
ated self-image crashes and burns on
the shoals of a sputtering career and
unfulfilling relationships.
And that’s where self-insight of
the sort Becket-Davenport and other
therapists help people achieve comes
in. For insight, of course, can go well
beyond “How good am I at X?” as He
measured, to an understanding of
motivations and reasons for choices
and behaviors. Joyce He calls this
form of self-insight “introspection,
self-reflection, or even mindfulness.
I think those forms of self-insight are
fundamentally quite different. So I
don’t think our results would apply.” ●
June 2020 mindful 35
heart TO heart
36 mindful June 2020
PHOTOGRAPHS BY WAYHOME STUDIO / SHUTTERSTOCK, KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK

The LOVING-KINDNESS issue

Loving-kindness is so much more than “just” a feel-good

practice. It is the force that can connect, inspire, and
motivate us to transform the world. Here world-renowned
mindfulness teacher, Sharon Salzberg, one of the foremost
teachers of loving-kindness, helps to pave the way.

June 2020 mindful 37

 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
Founding editor Barry Boyce
talks with his dear friend BARRY BOYCE: You’ve
been practicing mindful-
Sharon Salzberg about ness for quite some time
and I’ve heard you talk
attention, resilience, anger, and about how meditation and
kindness are inseparably
the transformative power of linked. Can you explain?
loving-kindness. SHARON SALZBERG:
Let me start with a little
background. Nowadays, if
you want to practice medi-
tation, there are meditation
centers and studios all over
the place. Or you could take
a course online. You can go
on Amazon and find 50 or
100 books on meditation.
When I started, in the
early ’70s, lots of us went to
Asia. I chose India.
When I traveled there as
an 18-year-old to meet
great meditation teachers,
I felt like I knew a lot. I
had read plenty of Eastern
philosophy and was pretty
Sharon Salzberg is sure I had gained a good
a world-renowned understanding. I was in for
meditation teacher
and is the New York
a bit of a surprise. The first
Times best-selling thing I was taught when I
author of Real Love went on my first meditation
and Real Happiness,
retreat was to pay attention
as well as Real Change:
Mindfulness to Heal to my breath.
Ourselves and the “What,” I thought, “this
World (scheduled for is it? Pay attention to my
September 2020).
breath? I could have done
Barry Boyce is the that back in Buffalo.” In
founding editor of Buffalo, I could even see
Mindful magazine.
An avid meditator
my breath on many days. I
for over 40 years, he figured I would be able to
is also author of The follow many breaths, maybe
Mindfulness Revolution,
hundreds at a sitting. Why
an anthology of
applied mindfulness not? What’s the big deal?
instructions from I soon came to find out
leading teachers that it was not so easy
and experts.
as that.
38 mindful June 2020
In fact, I had a lot of
trouble paying attention to
even one breath without my
mind going off into many,
many thoughts. I found
myself having thoughts like
why there are roundabouts
on highways. Who came up
with that idea? What? Why
am I having such thoughts
at all? I’m not a traffic engi-
neer. It was pretty hum-
bling to see just how hard it
was to simply pay attention,
and how the thoughts
came tumbling down like a
waterfall.
That’s where kindness
needed to kick in.
I quickly discovered that
if I was going to keep going
with meditation, I would
need to go much easier on
myself. I would need to
accept the inevitability of
these thoughts and have
some faith that my atten-
tion could indeed find its
way back.
PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTINE ALICINO, KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK
When people don’t have
faith that their attention
will find its way back, do
you find that they will
think they simply can’t
meditate?
Oh yes. The experience
of being overwhelmed by
thoughts is hardly unique
to me. Anyone who begins
meditating will find this
very thing happening to
them. Feeling inadequate.
So many thoughts! So little
attention on the breath.
I cannot meditate. Other

“We are all interconnected.
This is the truth of how things are.”
Sharon Salzberg
people can do it. I cannot.
And this kind of thought
loop may happen again and
again, and each time we can
be kind to ourselves about
being human beings who
have thoughts.
Sometimes when people
are introduced to mind-
fulness meditation, they
come to think of it as a dry,
technical exercise, a kind of
hard work or mental strug-
gle. In fact, for meditation
to take hold, early on, we
need some warmth and
kindness toward ourselves.
It’s not a dry exercise at
all. It’s learning how to be
with ourselves, and when
we are with ourselves in
this very simple way, the
attention and the kindness
go together, hand in hand.
Some self-compassion must
arise if we are to keep going.
What else is essential to
keep going?
Frequently in instructing
meditation, we say “rest”
your attention on the breath.
It’s a quality of resting and
settling right from the start,
a gentle act, not a labored
struggle. And as a result of
the practice, we develop
increased concentration, yes.
That is a key factor.
But we also develop
greater awareness of what’s
going on with ourselves,
what’s happening with our
emotions, and when we see
a thought, we don’t push it
away. We notice it. We see →
June 2020 mindful 39
 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
it for what it is. That’s how
we begin to get to know
ourselves better, and by
extension experience what’s
happening with others
more. We feel our connec-
tion to them more. Paying
attention is one of the kind-
est things we can do—for
ourselves, for others.
How is it possible to rest,
to develop awareness and
concentration, in the midst
of turmoil and anxiety?
With coronavirus circling
the globe; schoolchildren,
churchgoers, protesters,
and concertgoers being shot
in public; immigrant chil-
dren separated from their
parents; signs of resurgent
racism appearing; and a
deep political divide taking
hold in so many places,
many people these days
feel deeply anxious, and
despairing in fact.
These are indeed tough
times, but we don’t need
to feel powerless. It’s an
illusion to think that we
are without any agency in
our lives, any ability to act.
It’s also illusory to think
that we can control events
that are, at present, beyond
our control.
We clearly don’t have
control over everything, but
there are things we can do.
It’s always been that way.
That hasn’t changed. It is
not our universe to control.
Knowing and acknowledg-
ing that is a key aspect of
developing wisdom.
When we know that
in our hearts—and stop
berating ourselves for not
40 mindful June 2020
being able to fix every-
thing—we can go forward
in a balanced way. We’re
not indifferent to the needs
and challenges surround-
ing us, the pain others are
going through. But rather
than trying to simply fit
into others’ expectations
of what we ought to do in
response, we can pay atten-
tion and look and listen for
opportunities to help that
accord with our capabilities
and circumstances. We can
respond to what calls out to
us when we allow ourselves
to be open.
You’re suggesting that we
use mindfulness to lead us
to what practical steps we
can take to seek change?
Yes, I am, and in addition to
practical steps like volun-
teering, donating, voting,
and connecting with oth-
ers, there is also something
very significant we can do,
starting in our own hearts.
We can gradually learn to
be present with the pain,
anxiety, fear, and vulnera-
bility we feel, rather than
push those feelings away.
When we feel pain and
yet we can go on, that’s how
we build resilience.
Mindfulness practice
doesn’t stop at relaxation
and concentration. The
relaxation and concentra-
tion allow us to stay with
the feelings that emerge,
no matter what is going on
in life. It also allows us to
savor the moments of joy in
life, rather than overlook
them because of all the
dark clouds.
 “When we’re trying so hard, and so
focused on our meditation achievement,
we often overlook what’s right in front of us:
the need to be kind to ourselves.”
We hear a lot these days
about separation, isolation,
and loneliness. The British
have even instituted a Min-
ister for Loneliness. Some
of this isolation seems to
come from how our devices
and our ways of working
can wall us off from others,
and some of it undoubtedly
comes from the fact that
when we’re anxious and
afraid, we may retreat from
community with other peo-
ple. If we think that others
PHOTOGRAPHS BY KRAKENIMAGES.COM / SHUTTERSTOCK, JIHAN NAFIAA ZAHRI / SHUTTERSTOCK
are so different from us,
we may hesitate to engage
with them.
We are all intercon-
nected. This is the truth of
how things are. When we
separate ourselves off, we
are fighting that reality,
including if we decide to
hate someone because of
their views.
We never need to hate,
but we can be very clear
about something that is
wrong, that represents a
wrong view, that demon-
strates gross ignorance
and aggression. We need
to work against ignorance
and wrong views, and yes,
hate, without falling into it
ourselves.
Sharon Salzberg
What about when that
ignorance and aggression
we are subjected to make
us lose our temper?
Wrong views and actions
may naturally cause us to
get pretty angry. Anger
can clearly be a state that
causes us great distress and
that can cloud our minds
and cause harm when we
act based on it. It’s a poison
that can consume us. I’m
very interested, though, in
anger as the precipitating
event for bringing about
change, which it definitely
can be. Sometimes it’s the
angry person in the room
who points out the thing
others wish to ignore.
How do we keep the part
of anger, the spark, that
has intelligence, without
getting caught up in the
destructive part? That’s a
valuable inquiry to take up,
to contemplate, as part of
mindfulness practice.
With mindfulness, we
can develop the ability to
experience the full dimen-
sion of thoughts as they
arise. We don’t need to
act on every thought that
comes up. We can see it,
but not act on it. The way
forward may emerge from
allowing that little bit of a
gap between thought and
action, especially with
anger.
Meditation can help us see
that gap more often, but it
sure seems hard sometimes.
Often people will say to me,
“Oh, I know meditation can
be really valuable, but I just
can’t do it, but my partner
sure could use some!”
It’s very common for us
to think we can’t meditate.
A big part of that comes
from trying really hard to
have a particular kind of
experience. Perhaps we
think that the sign that
meditation is working is
having a major transfor-
mational experience, so
we struggle really hard to
obtain that, and meditation
ends up being just that:
a big struggle. We miss
the part about resting our
attention. We’ve become
too focused on ourselves
and our big meditation
experience, rather than
letting ourselves simply
be there. →
June 2020 mindful 41
 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
I’m reminded of what
one Asian teacher said after
observing a lot of us: “You
are rowing and rowing
and rowing, but you’re not
untying the boat from the
shore.” When we’re trying
so hard, and so focused
on us and our meditation
achievement, we often
overlook what’s right in
front of us: the need to be
kind to ourselves and to
those around us.
When we’re trying to
develop a regular practice
for ourselves, something
integrated into our regular
life, having friends to help
us along, a community of
fellow travelers, is a great
support. It’s heartening to
know that you are not the
only one who may have sat
through a whole meditation
session and noticed maybe
one breath. You can laugh at
yourself, along with others.
What makes it possible to
laugh at ourselves?
It comes back to this thing
we call loving-kindness
that I’ve written a book
about and taught about so
often. Unfortunately, it’s a
bit of an odd term, because
it sounds kind of arcane or
removed from day-to-day
life. If you go to a café for a
cup of tea, you’re not likely
to hear the conversation at
the next table being about
loving-kindness, unless
maybe the café is down the
street from the Mindful
offices!
My concern is that an
unusual term like this
might make the quality
42 mindful June 2020
PRACTICE
itself seem somewhat
removed from day-to-day CONNECT
WITH KINDNESS
life. It might seem precious,
in the negative sense of the
word, gooey and soft, with-
out strength or wisdom.
Just a mush ball. By Sharon Salzberg
Nonetheless, some peo-
ple have suggested we just
call it “love” and be done
with it, but love is a com- 1
plicated term. It can mean
something very superficial,
like “I love vanilla yogurt,” Begin by • May you live in
or it can be a medium of thinking about safety.
exchange, like “I will love someone who • May you
you, so long as the follow- has helped you; have mental
ing fifteen conditions are maybe they’ve happiness
met.” That’s not quite it. been directly (peace, joy).
The Pali term for lov- generous or • May you
ing-kindness, metta, trans- kind, or have have physical
lates simply as friendship, inspired you happiness
but that to me can merely though you’ve (health, freedom
connote companionship, never met them. from pain).
doing things together, going When you think of • May you live
to the movies, going out to them, they make with ease.
eat, or just hanging out via you smile. Bring
Zoom in this new world an image of the Don’t struggle to
of social distancing. The person to mind, or fabricate a feeling
word that I think gets to feel their presence or sentiment.
the essence of it perhaps as if they’re right If your mind
the most is connection. in front of you. wanders, simply
When I refer to cultivating Say their name begin again.
loving-kindness, I’m talking to yourself, and
about a bone-deep sense of silently offer these
connection. phrases to them,
focusing on one
What are we connecting to? phrase at a time.
First off, we’re connecting
to ourselves, not floating off
in the ether somewhere, but
being right here, experi-
encing our whole heart
and mind. Then, we’re
connecting to one another,
which is not the same as
liking somebody. It is rather
knowing deeply that our
lives have something to
do with another, that the
This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to
awaken to how connected we all are. You don’t have to like
everybody, or agree with everything they do—but you can
open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our
lives are inextricably linked.

constructs of self and other,

us and them, are useful
constructs but they are just
2 3 4 5 constructs.
At a certain intimate
level of reality, it is all about
After a few Offer loving- Offer loving- Finish by “we.” That’s just how it is.
minutes, move kindness kindness toward offering loving- We are all in this together.
on to a friend. to a neutral a person with kindness to I was driving with a
Start with a friend person who whom you have anyone who friend and we were caught
who’s doing you don’t feel difficulty. Start comes to mind: in this terrible, hideous
well right now, a strong liking with someone people, animals, traffic, complaining about
then switch to or disliking for: mildly difficult, those you like, it bitterly the whole while.
someone who a cashier at the and slowly work those you don’t, And then at one point my
is experiencing supermarket, a toward someone in an adventurous friend said, “You know,
difficulty, bank teller, a dry who has hurt you expansion of your we’re the traffic, too.”
loss, pain, or cleaner. When more grievously. own power of And all of a sudden I
unhappiness. you offer loving- It’s common to kindness. realized, oh! There it is.
kindness to a feel resentment It’s that sense of privilege,
neutral person, and anger, and of centrality, that we cling
you are offering it’s important not to. These are my roads and

m it to them simply
because they
exist—you are
to judge yourself
for that. Rather,
recognize that
these people are in my way
and where are they going
anyway on my Saturday?
not indebted to anger burns within Go away!
AUDIO or challenged by your heart and What happens when
Practice them. causes suffering, that sense of it all revolving
so out of the around us drops away for a
Connect with greatest respect bit? We might realize these
Kindness online and compassion other folks in the traffic jam
as Sharon for yourself, are saying the same thing
Salzberg guides practice letting about us. We’re all the
you through go and offering traffic.
this classic loving-kindness. Think of all the times
loving-kindness we’ve figured out who’s in
practice. the center and who’s at the
margin and let that shape
mindful.org/ our worldview. What hap-
salzberg- pens when that worldview
lovingkindness loosens up, when that sense
of centrality falls away, and
it’s just us? That’s love, and
it’s not weak and mushy. It’s
just true. ●

June 2020 mindful 43

PHOTOGRAPH BY RIALTO IMAGES / STOCKSY
 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue

when

like
In her forthcoming book, Real Change,
Sharon Salzberg explores how compassion and
loving-kindness are the forces of change that can
both soften and strengthen us.

June 2020 mindful 45

 When I want to summon
strength and power in the
midst of awfulness and hate,
I contemplate water.

46 mindful June 2020


M
ost of us are
familiar with the
description of
the fight-or-flight
response to stress
or trauma: our common tendency to
perceive a situation as an imminent
threat, and react either by gearing
up (physiologically, hormonally, and
emotionally) to fight for survival or
alternatively gearing up to run away
as fast as we can.
I felt gratified when stress experts
expanded these familiar descriptions
to include another common, ready
reaction: freezing. It made sense to
me as soon as I heard it. We each
engage in all three of these reactions,
of course, but it seems that each of us
has a tendency to gravitate toward one
of these more than the others, based
on our individual conditioning. I’ll lay
claim to freezing as my most frequent
automatic reaction, rather than get-
ting ready to bolt or starting to attack.
The reactions of fight, flight, or
freeze appear to be more of a chronic
state that is starting to rule our pat-
terns of consumption and communi-
cation, our media, our use of technol-
ogy, our relationships, the dimensions
of our generosity, and the limits of our
imagination. We are more afraid, and
we are isolating ourselves more: Not
surprisingly, the number of people
describing themselves as quite lonely
is shooting up, as reported in the
United States, in England, in Japan.
It’s no wonder we’re fearful and
despairing, since it can feel like we’re
being hit with an avalanche of sad
PHOTOGRAPH BY TODD BELTZ / STOCKSY
news on many days, while we so
rarely hear inspiring visions of the
future. Many people, particularly
young people, feel trapped. They say
that they find themselves participat-
ing in, and therefore perpetuating,
a system they did not create, that
does not reflect their values, and is
destructive of the planet and inequi-
table. How to have inspiration, they
ask, when the only game in town feels
rigged? There’s a cognitive disso-
nance that goes along with that kind
of trapped feeling. It’s a form of daily
moral injury, what journalist Diane
Silver described as a “soul wound that
pierces a person’s identity, sense of
morality and relationship to society.”
As I’ve traveled around the world
teaching, I’ve gotten a sense of the
prevalence and depth of the moral
injury resulting from world events.
In the political climate of the United
States in early 2018, I myself encoun-
tered near at hand the very ingre-
dients I needed to feel triggered:
deception from authority figures,
shifting narratives not in accord with
objective reality, one’s own perception
of the truth continually undermined.
My childhood had been shaped by
people who I believe cared deeply
about me. Yet, they thought the best
way to express that caring was by
never mentioning my mother after she
died when I was nine. They thought it
best to describe my father’s overdose
of sleeping pills when I was eleven as
accidental—never explaining how a
mere accident led to the rest of his life
being spent in one psychiatric facility
or another. It was painful to figure out
when I was away at college: “Oh, that
kind of pattern speaks more of suicidal
intention than of an accident.” Feeling
something to be true right down to
the cells of your body while having
that truth affirmed exactly nowhere
outside, in fact denied, can make you
feel just crazy. That was the flavor of
my childhood.
But now, unlike in my childhood, I
have tools I’ve learned in meditation
practice. I have values that serve as a
North Star in my life, such as a respect
for myself and others and a commit-
ment to balance. I have insight into
ways of fostering resilience, and can
remind myself, with genuineness, of
The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
the crucial fact that I am not alone. I
believe in the healing power of love.
Helplessness no longer feels natural,
the way things are meant to be, but a
distortion I can address and do address.
Soft and Strong
When I want to summon strength and
power in the midst of awfulness and
hate, I contemplate water. Our ideas of
strength so often surround images of
things that are hard—like rock or even
a clenched fist. Perhaps that’s why we
think love doesn’t include strength,
just softness. We are thinking in only
one dimension. That’s why I think of
water, in all its manifestations. Look
at the many ways we experience
water: It trickles, spurts, floods, pours,
streams, soaks, and shows itself in
many more modes. All these convey
evanescence, release, flow. They are all
about not being stuck.
Water is flexible, taking the shape
of whatever vessel it flows into. It’s
always interacting, changing, in
motion, yet revealing continual pat-
terns of connection. Water can be so
expressive, a signal of our most heart-
felt feelings. We cry tears of sorrow,
tears of outrage, tears of gratitude,
and tears of joy. Water can be puz-
zling, seeming weak or ineffectual,
yielding too much, not holding firm.
And yet over time water will carve its
own pathway, even through rock. And
yes, water freezes. But it also melts.
Human beings have always found
uplift and inspiration in metaphors,
like water, but we also take inspi-
ration from other people, and their
strength and resiliency in the face of
difficult circumstances—the ways in
which they unfreeze themselves and
make change. Not just in one way, but
in as many ways as water flows. I have
been so moved by people I know →
June 2020 mindful 47
 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue
Love is not soft and mushy. It is strong and
resilient. It springs from the truth of our
interconnectedness, and is powerful because
it is aligned with what is true.
who act in ways that seek change and
who also tap into an inner strength—a
way of being as well as a way of acting.
I want to lift up exemplary human
qualities wherever I see them emerge,
however people get there, because it is
in recognizing those qualities that we
remember what’s possible for us.
Envisioning
What Is Possible
This journey of envisioning what’s
possible in a very large sense is about
agency. It’s about how we marry
empowerment to our love for the
world, what matters to us, what
wrongs we want to right and what
collective dreams we hope to realize.
Whether that’s resolving conflicts
with a crotchety neighbor or combat-
ing global warming, certain funda-
mental principles and practices of
mindfulness can lead to the clarity
and confidence that let us take that
next step.
I remember going to see an old
farmhouse for sale down the road
from the Insight Meditation Society
in Barre, Massachusetts, which I
cofounded in 1976 with Joseph Gold-
stein and Jack Kornfield. I went with
Joseph and a friend, Sarah Doering.
The farmhouse, as far as I could tell,
was simply falling apart. Joseph and
Sarah chatted happily. “Well, we could
try to move this wall, or at least open
up that passageway… Underneath this
wrecked floor might well lie hidden
beauty… What if we built a small addi-
tion onto that door for a porch?”
Finally I broke in with, “Please, let’s
not buy it.” I just couldn’t imagine it
looking like anything much different
48 mindful June 2020
from what it looked like right then,
even if repainted or tidied up. In my
mind, it was forever dilapidated, for-
lorn, and in disrepair.
They didn’t listen to me at all.
I realized the vision of what was
possible had already been formed in
each of their minds. Their visions
may not have been identical, but each
was bold and, importantly, realizable.
They weren’t overly idealistic visions
bound to be doomed by impossible
fundraising shortfalls or the prospect
of too much work—except in my mind.
I realized they were actually hold-
ing the vision of what it was and the
vision of what it could be simultane-
ously. Change would take resources—
time, effort, community, money—but
the spark that would get things
started was to believe that the vision
was possible in the first place.
The Truth of Our
Interconnectedness
I’m not skilled at seeing the seeds of
longed-for transformation in a build-
ing. I’m better at seeing it in people.
I’ve looked many times at a friend
in the throes of a terrible divorce or
other devastating loss and been able
to picture their healing and expansive
happiness. I can see it in front of me,
like a faint but discernible silhouette
amid the chaos and pain of their cur-
rent situation. And I’ve been right.
And when I am in touch with the
perspective and sense of openness
that my meditation practice has
strengthened in me, I very much see
the healing we are capable of—in com-
munities, in cultures, in this world.
I believe that the love we crave,
and that we have available to give,
is a healing force. Love is not soft
and mushy. It is strong and resil-
ient. It springs from the truth of our
interconnectedness, and is powerful
because it is aligned with what is true.
I believe in the possibility of a
world where our interconnection
is a deeply known and motivating
force, where no one is left out, where
the innate dignity of every person
is acknowledged, and where hatred
and fear and greed can be tempered.
I believe in a world where change
might be hard, but is always seen as
possible, however stuck we might feel
in any given moment. I believe in a
world where we can have wisdom to
guide us, we can have love to propel
us, and we can have the support of
one another to try to accomplish a
vision of inclusion and care. I also
believe in justice, in a world where
actions have consequences, where
people are held accountable even as
we try to take care of one another.
And I believe in a world where
the fluidity and softness of love—like
water—might superficially seem like
the weakest thing of all, but lo and
behold, it is indomitable. It can even
wear away rock.
What kind of world do you most
deeply believe in? ●
PHOTOGRAPH BY JAVIER PARDINA / STOCKSY
Excerpted from Real
Change, © 2020 by
Sharon Salzberg,
with permission
from Flatiron Books.
Available for pre-
order now.
PRACTICE

GATHERING OUR ENERGY

By Sharon Salzberg

This foundational attention practice is designed

to strengthen the force of concentration. If you
Notice what
arises. And if
go of the distrac-
tion and begin
m
consider how scattered, how distracted, how images or sounds, again, bringing
out of the moment we may ordinarily be, you can emotions, sen- your attention AUDIO
see the benefit of gathering our attention and sations arise, but back to the breath. Practice
our energy. All of that energy could be available they’re not strong If you have to let
to us but usually isn’t because we throw it away enough to actually go and begin Practice online
into distraction. We gather all of that attention take you away again thousands with Sharon
and energy to become integrated, to have a from the feeling of of times, it’s fine, Salzberg as
center, to not be so fragmented and torn apart, the breath, just let that’s the practice. she guides you
to be empowered. them flow on by. through this
In this system, the breath we focus on is the You don’t have to You may notice meditation
normal flow of the in-and-out breath. We don’t follow after them, the rhythm of for gathering
try to make the breath deeper or different; we you don’t have your breath energy, focus,
simply encounter it however it’s appearing, and to attack them; changing in and awareness.
however it’s changing. you’re breathing. the course of
It’s like seeing a this meditation mindful.org/
friend in a crowd— session. You salzberg-
you don’t have to can just allow it to energy
To begin with, See if you can shove everyone be however it is.
you can sit feel just one else aside or make Whatever arises,
comfortably breath, from them go away, but you can shepherd
and relax. You the beginning your enthusiasm, your attention
don’t have to feel through the your interest, is back to the feeling
self-conscious, middle, to the going toward your of the breath.
as though you end. If you’re with friend: “Oh, there’s
are about to do the breath at the my friend. There’s Remember that
something special nostrils, it may be the breath.” in letting go of
or weird. Just be tingling, vibration, distraction the
at ease. It helps if warmth, coolness. Notice when important word
your back can be If at the abdomen, you’re dis- is gentle. We can
straight, without it may be move- tracted. When gently let go, we
being strained or ment, pressure, something can forgive our-
overarched. You stretching, release. arises—sensa- selves for having
can close your You don’t have to tions, emotions, wandered, and
eyes or not, how- name them, but thoughts, what- with great kind-
ever you feel com- feel them. It’s just ever it might ness to ourselves,
fortable. Notice one breath. be—that’s strong we can begin
where the feeling enough to take again.
of the breath is your attention
most predomi- away from the feel- When you feel
nant—at the nos- ing of the breath, ready, you can
trils, at the chest, or if you’ve fallen open your eyes.
or at the abdomen. asleep, or if you See if you can
Rest your attention get lost in some bring this aware-
lightly, in just incredible fantasy, ness of breath
that area. see if you can let periodically into
your day.
 The
LOVING
KINDNESS
issue

PHOTOGRAPH BY ANDREAS WONISCH / STOCKSY

50 mindful June 2020

REFLECTION

Bring to Mind
a Circle of Love
Visualize yourself in the center of a circle
composed of those who have been kind to
you, or have inspired you because of their
love. Perhaps you’ve met them, or read
about them; perhaps they live now, or have
existed historically or even mythically. That
is the circle. As you visualize yourself in
the center of it, experience yourself as the
recipient of their love and attention. Gently
repeat the phrases of loving-kindness for
yourself: May I be safe, may I be happy,
may I live with ease.

SHARON SALZBERG

June 2020 mindful 51

52 mindful June 2020
 insight
WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE
CLEAR
VISION
How connecting with your
purpose helps you thrive
By Rich Fernandez • Illustrations by Edmon de Haro
You know those moments when things
don’t go as planned—the job, the relation-
ship, your health—and you feel unmoored and
unsure of your next steps? Or, when things are
going so well that there’s a sense of opportunity
right at your fingertips? Those are the moments
when having a clear sense of purpose can both
anchor and guide you; it can also help you nav-
igate the tricky in-between stages when your
life feels a lot less clear, offering a sense of ease
and skill and, dare I say, grace.
Uncovering your purpose is a process. In fact,
I like to define purpose as an ongoing process
of developing a clear understanding of what
is most meaningful to you, and aligning your
actions and behaviors in the world to be consis-
tent with those qualities. It’s the skill of being
in tune with your mind, heart, and body, so you
can recognize when you’re about to stray from
your path and find your way back on course.
And, equally important, being clear can help
you acknowledge those moments where your
path and your purpose are aligned so you can
celebrate them with gratitude.
Getting clear about your purpose is an inter-
nal practice of connecting with the sources of
meaning, joy, and inspiration that reside deeply
within you. The work of defining purpose is the
work of becoming fully conscious of what you
love and what is most alive within you and then
(and this can be the hard part) acting accord-
ingly. This work takes time, practice, imagina-
tion, compassion, curiosity, and kind awareness.
It’s an evolving process, a beautiful and some-
times painful one, that you can be in relation-
ship with over the arc of your whole life. →
June 2020 mindful 53
insight
How I connected to my purpose
About nine years ago, I began experiencing a
vague sense that I was misaligned in my work.
I found myself dreading work, rather than
feeling excited or engaged by it. Bad work habits
began creeping in—I would heavily procrasti-
nate on projects, not be responsive to emails.
The quality of my work began to suffer as well.
And the most troubling sign of all—my attitude
and personality also began changing. I was no
longer energetic and excited about work, instead
a dullness took over and I became more and
more stressed. This was especially problematic
because I managed a team of people and my
mood changes became increasingly apparent
and affected some of them in negative ways.
I had spent years successfully building my
career as an organizational psychologist work-
ing with some very interesting companies. My
work was fulfilling for me personally and also
provided me and my family security and stabil-
ity. So I was feeling very confused about what to
do next.
Thankfully, I had been practicing meditation
since college. I knew that I needed to take time
to sit in quiet reflection with all that was arising
for me. As I did so over the course of the year, I
came to realize that what I most wanted to do
was focus full time on sharing the practice of
mindfulness and meditation in organizations.
It was so alive for me. But this was way before
mindfulness was mainstream. And the thought
of building a career teaching mindfulness in
organizations sounded a little crazy.
Yet I couldn’t ignore what I was feeling.
At the time, I had an exciting job at Google,
where I was responsible for providing leader-
ship development programs for senior leaders
across the company. It was a great role and rep-
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rich Fernandez is cofounder of Wisdom Labs,
which focuses on science and data to promote
mindfulness, resilience, and purpose-driven
performance. He is currently the CEO of Search
Inside Yourself Leadership Institute. Rich has
held positions in executive education and
leadership development at Google, eBay, Bank
of America, and JP Morgan Chase. He lives with
his family in San Francisco.
54 mindful June 2020
resented the culmination of many years of hard
work. I felt grateful and very lucky to have such
a job—yet I couldn’t escape the feeling that my
work was hurting me, physically and mentally. I
was feeling depleted. My heart, mind, and body
were saying “Focus more on your meditation
practice, go deeper, see what’s possible,” but
my logical mind couldn’t imagine quitting a
job at Google. It took a lot of time to clarify my
purpose and work up the courage and resolve
to flip the script and take the big career- and
life-changing step that I was considering next.
Eventually I chose to leave Google and
cofound a workplace wellness and mindfulness
company called WisdomLabs. It was a tough
decision to leave, both because it meant a career
transition and because it had real financial
consequences for me and my family. But from
the moment I stepped into this new role, I felt a
sense of fulfillment that I had never experienced
before. And over time the company began to
make good on the vision of bringing mindfulness
and wellness solutions to organizations around
the world. Following my calling to offer mindful-
ness solutions to organizations continues to be a
source of deep fulfillment for me to this day.
I eventually moved on to my current role lead-
ing the global nonprofit Search Inside Yourself
Leadership Institute, which offers science-based
mindfulness and emotional intelligence skills
development solutions to communities and
organizations around the world. Uncovering my
purpose—which is to live and work toward the
full integration of mindfulness in all domains of
my life—and then acting on my discovery is how
I created my reality today.
The journey to live your purpose is in a sense
nothing less than a process of connecting with
the aspects of your life and work that are most
meaningful to you, and living and working in a
congruent way. Importantly, this is a practice,
a process, not a once-and-done.
That means it’s essential to check in regularly
so you’re in tune with your current purpose and
aware when changes naturally begin to crop up
and require you to change course.
I’d like to share the practices that helped me
create clarity about my purpose and my ongoing
commitment to align my life with my discovery.
 SELF-INQUIRY

Are You Misaligned with

Your Purpose? By Rich Fernandez

Three key ways to assess if you are aligned with your purpose—or not.

When you find yourself feeling

drained or unhappy in your work, it’s
important to ask yourself whether
1 2 3
you’re experiencing the normal
growing pains of career growth or if Distinguish Keep an Recognize
your discomfort is actually revealing between energy journal when you are
something deeper.
As you move towards greater
learning disconnected
alignment with your purpose, it’s and undue Track the expe- from your
important to remember that this is suffering rience of being values
an ongoing process and that moving drained versus
through difficult experiences is part being energized.
of the journey. Be kind to yourself. Be There is no doubt If your work or Simply stated,
patient. Take some time to explore that it is import- life situation your values are the
these three clarifying ways to help ant to experience leaves you feeling qualities in life that
shed some light on the path to living challenges and predominantly you consider most
your purpose. overcome strug- drained with little important to you.
gles in order to to no experience If your situation
learn. The great of enjoyment, takes you further
social reformer inspiration or away from rather
and writer Fredrick positive energy, than closer to your
Douglass famously that may be a clear values, that is a
said, “if there is sign that you are sure sign you are
no struggle, there misaligned. Are misaligned. Have
is no progress.” you consistently you ever wrtten
Be clear, however, very stressed? Are down what’s most
when a challenge you predominantly important to you?
causes excessive in a bad state of Take some time to
or undue suffering mind or nega- think about that
that no longer tive-feeling state so you can activly
promotes learning. when engaged seek congruence
Some suffering in your life or between your
is to be expected work activities? values and your
during challenging Consider what everyday life. In
times. Ongoing actions it would this way you can
suffering may indi- take to move from begin to ensure
cate that you may being drained to you are living and
need to move on. being energized working true to
and experiencing your purpose.
vibrancy in your
situation.
insight
THE FOUR
PILLARS
1 AWARENESS
OF PURPOSE
There are four research-backed qualities
that lead to a strong sense of purpose:
awareness, values, aspirations, and
congruent behaviors. The good news is
that these qualities can be nurtured with
simple mindfulness practices designed
to activate these four “pillars of purpose.”
Those practices are: awareness, to connect
with what’s alive within you; intention,
to visualize your best life; alignment, to
match your actions with your values; and
resilience, to unhook from rigidity.
56 mindful June 2020
HOW TO PRACTICE
Connecting with What’s Alive for You
Awareness simply means
paying attention to the
experience you are having
as you are having it. You
can practice awareness of
your own sense of purpose
through quiet meditation, tak-
ing the time to simply notice
the thoughts, emotions, and
physical sensations that arise
when you consider your life
and what purpose means
to you. By observing your
thoughts, emotions, ideas,
sensations, discomfort, and
anything else that arises, with
kindness and curiosity, you
can begin the process of dis-
covery that can lead to insight
into your purpose.
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE AS YOU MOVE
THROUGH YOUR DAY, OR AS YOU
ENGAGE IN TASKS, MEETINGS, OR
OTHER FORMS OF WORK?
You can also integrate the
practice of awareness into
your everyday life. Ask your-
self: What do you notice as
you move through your day, or
as you engage in tasks, meet-
ings, or other forms of work?
Is your life and work situation
energizing? Draining? Does
it sometimes bring feelings
of joy or well being, or the
opposite?
Remember that aware-
ness practice is a process
and that each phase, stage,
and chapter of your life is a
stepping-stone and a learning
experience in which you can
exercise awareness. Be kind
to yourself as you bring curi-
osity to these large questions
of purpose. We’re all unfold-
ing. Life is a process. The fact
that you’re interested in
aligning your life with your
purpose means that you’re
already halfway there.
Reflecting on purpose helps
you gain insight into your
own lived experiences and,
when necessary, into how to
respond appropriately and
effectively to opportunities as
they present themselves.
In both the formal medita-
tion and integrated practices
of developing awareness of
purpose, the most important
consideration is whether
your life or work situation is
contributing to a sense of
aliveness for you. Perhaps
more than anything, focusing
on what makes you feel alive
and energized is a key indica-
tor of what is good and true
and worthwhile to consider in
terms of purpose. Aliveness
can take many forms: joy,
absorption, meaningfulness.
I find that this concept of a
search for what is most alive
in one’s life is not only pro-
found and beautiful but also
very practical. You know it
when you see, feel, or sense it!
2 INTENTION
HOW TO PRACTICE
Imagining Your Best Life
Intention is your innate
capacity to harness and
direct your energy and
effort at will. It seems
simple enough, but it takes a
lot of practice to harness your
innate ability to direct your
attention at will. And it’s also
a critical skill for the journey
toward realizing your purpose.
Setting a clear and strong
intention toward realizing pur-
pose helps you to create the
conditions for that purpose to
arise. Some call this serendip-
ity but there may be a more
scientific explanation linking
our thoughts and intentions
with our behaviors. Neurosci-
entist Regina Pally describes
how setting intentions (or
goals) for yourself causes
your brain to nonconsciously
predict what is most likely to
happen in order to achieve
those goals. Then your brain
becomes wired to act in ways
consistent with those expecta-
tions. “According to neurosci-
ence,” says Pally, “even before
events happen, the brain has
already made a prediction
about what is most likely to
happen, and sets in motion the
perceptions, behaviors, emo-
tions, physiologic responses,
and interpersonal ways of
relating that best fit with what
is predicted.” In many ways,
setting the intention to live
with purpose is an act of
imagining an ideal future,
and then living and work-
ing toward the realization
of that vision.
Setting intentions isn’t
reserved only for things
relating to your purpose with
a capital “P.” Living a life of
purpose means investing
everyday moments with
intention—which is why
another key element in prac-
ticing intention is love. Having
our intentions informed by
love emphasizes the quality of
how we are being in the world,
rather than what we are doing.
Bringing love to the mundane
activities of everyday life is an
invitation for each of us to live
every day as our best selves.
No matter what, intention
imbued with love can bring us
closer to a sense of congru-
ence and alignment between
what we value and how we act
in the world.
June 2020 mindful 57
insight
3 ALIGNMENT
HOW TO PRACTICE
When Your Actions Match
Your Values
After you do the hard work
of uncovering what’s alive
for you, and setting the
intention to direct your
energy to incorporating
those things in your life
more, the next step is
aligning your actions. It can
be hard work: acting in a way
that aligns with your values.
It is sometimes all too easy
to lose sight of what’s most
important to you when you’re
in the middle of the slings and
arrows of everyday life. It is
very easy to succumb to the
“busy-ness trap,” or prioritize
the needs of others over your
own—to lose the forest for the
trees. The days, months, and
years pass by and there can be
the surreal feeling or realiza-
tion of “How did I get here?
Where did my time go?”
It’s helpful to consider
that all of the decisions and
A Mindful
Journaling Practice
This is a practice Invite some
I call The Three reflection about
Gates of Aligned your life situation.
actions you take eventually Action. To practice You may reflect
help you better understand this, you’ll want on some specific
what alignment means to find a comfort- questions:
to you. The very act of able place to sit
recognizing that you feel where you can 1
misaligned is the absolute enjoy silence and What is good in
necessary beginning point stillness for a few your life?
on the path to full align- moments. Please
ment with your purpose. read through the 2
So, how do you know if you practice and then What do you
are living and working in an journal about your know to be true?
aligned way? In the simplest findings.
sense, it is about congruence. 3
“Look closely at the pres- Settle in. Begin What actions
ent you are constructing; it by connecting and behaviors
should look like the future you with a felt sense can you under-
are dreaming,” suggests Alice of your body. take to be of
Walker, the renowned Ameri- most service?
can writer and activist. Connect with
How do you know when you the sensations of Note whatever
are on course to this “future breathing and if arises with an
you are dreaming”? I’d like you like, enjoy a few open and curious
to offer the following inqui- deeper breaths. mind. Continue to
ry-based practice focused on Allow the mind to reflect on these
the three “gates” that lead to settle and stabilize. three questions,
aligned action. The Three Gates
Allow yourself of Aligned Action.
to be met by any
thoughts, feelings,
or sensations with
a kind and gentle
touch. With-
out judgement,
observe what
arises for a few
moments.
“LOOK CLOSELY AT
THE PRESENT YOU
ARE CONSTRUCTING;
IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE
THE FUTURE YOU ARE
DREAMING.”
Alice Walker
4 RESILIENCE
HOW TO PRACTICE

Unhooking from Rigidity

Resilience is the learned

capacity to bounce back

*
from adversity, adapt, and
thrive, according to world-
renowned resilience expert
Linda Graham. (See her A Mindfulness Practice
article “Caring for Your for Building Resilience
Amazing Brain” on page 24.) Your purpose is not some
Learning resilience is critically elusive hidden treasure that
important to realizing your This practice, Reflect. Breathe. reveals itself all at once in a
purpose because it allows you called the response Practice focused blaze of euphoria. Contem-
to gracefully and effectively flexibility prac- attention on the plating your purpose and
navigate the challenges you tice, allows you to breath. Label sen- taking aligned action is a pro-
will certainly meet along the put some space sations, thoughts, cess, a sometimes scary and
way. Challenges and setbacks between a poten- and emotions as painful process that unfolds
are inevitable. I’d go as far tially activating they arise. Give over time. Sometimes long
as to say they are necessary: situation (a snarky them a name. (e.g., periods of time. Perhaps even
They force you to redefine and coworker, an “Anger,” “Frustra- the arc of a lifetime. As you
connect with your purpose in underinformed tion,” “Sadness,” live your way into a deeper
an even more meaningful way. family member) “Worry.”) understanding of what is true
That’s why the final pillar of and your reaction. and good and meaningful
realizing purpose is the ability It’s very simple: Respond. for you, no matter how on
to harness resilience to come Skillfully prob- or off course you might feel
back to your sense of purpose Pause. Stop for a lem-solve rather right now, you will gain the
when you lose your way. moment and allow than react. capability to acknowledge
The good news is that some space for and invite new possibilities to
more than five decades of contemplation. This practice will live and work with awareness,
research show that resil- help you meet intention and aligned action.
ience is highly trainable. A Notice. If you and navigate the Developing your purpose
mindfulness practice called have been strong thoughts is ultimately an exercise in
response flexibility underpins activated, notice and emotions that imagination and creativity,
the core research-backed how that shows arise especially because as the beloved Brazil-
resilience factors of optimism, up for you in the when meeting ian philosopher and educator
balanced management of moment. (Are adversity. Remem- Rubem Alves noted, “The fron-
strong or difficult emotions, a you experiencing ber it’s never tiers of the possible are not
sense of safety, and a strong strong emotions? about “canceling determined by the limits of the
social support system. Tension in your out” difficulties, actual.” What, then, is possible
According to Graham, body? Sensations but rather meeting for you? Developing a sense of
response flexibility is “the such as heat or them with mindful- purpose for all that is possible
ability to pause, step back, a high energetic ness, wisdom, and (and not only what is actual)
reflect, shift perspectives, charge?) wise action. means listening deeply to your
create options and choose inner voice and connecting
wisely,” especially when we with what is most alive, true,
are met with adversity. and good in your life. ●

June 2020 mindful 59

 Q&A
RICH FERNANDEZ
WHAT’S ALIVE FOR
YOU RIGHT NOW?
Rich Fernandez, CEO of the Search Inside Yourself Leadership
Institute, talks about how he leaned on his mindfulness practice
to turn his career into a calling.
INTERVIEW BY VICTORIA DAWSON
The thread that runs through Rich Fernandez’s It’s interesting that your
life—unifying his undergraduate degree in literature; life’s work—career and
his pursuit of mindfulness practices and martial arts; calling—has revolved
his master’s in organizational psychology, and doctoral around the subject of
work in counseling psychology; his years with corpo- work.
rate giants like JPMorgan Chase, eBay, and Google;
and his eventual shift to the nonprofit sector—is a Most of our productive
simple question: What makes us thrive? How, Fernan- time, energy, and attention
dez, asks, can humans flourish at work and extend that is spent at work. We spend
flourishing to other realms of their lives? To that end, about 40% of our waking
in 2013, he cofounded Wisdom Labs, whose mission life working—90,000 hours
is to provide workplace wellness and mindfulness via across a lifetime. For me, the
digital platforms. In 2017, Fernandez took the helm of essential question is how can
the Google-born Search Inside Yourself Leadership work be transformational?
Institute (SIYLI), a nonprofit global initiative whose How can it benefit people
face-to-face programs include mindfulness and emo- and the planet?
tional intelligence training for individuals and orga-
nizations. He lives in San Francisco with his wife and Can you identify any
their teenage son. sources of inspiration for
that optimistic view?
My mother grew up in the
Philippines. She came to the
United States when she was
“WORK IS NOT JUST YOUR twenty and she had me in her
LIVELIHOOD. IT’S HOW mid-twenties. A year later,
her marriage dissolved, and
YOU MAKE LIFE. IT’S WHAT I moved to the Philippines
MAKES YOU FEEL FULLY for three years to live with my
ALIVE AND ALLOWS YOU TO maternal grandmother and
BRING THE BEST OF YOUR aunt. After I returned to New
GIFTS FORWARD.” York City, we continued to
visit the Philippines often, and
the culture and language are
still very much alive for me.
There is an expression in
the Filipino language, Taga-
log, that has guided my own
work. In Tagalog, you don’t
60 mindful June 2020
ask someone, “What do you
do for work?” You ask, “Ano
ang hanapbuhay mo?” What
is your search for life? It’s a
beautiful way to talk about
work. It’s not just your liveli-
hood. It’s how you make life.
It’s what makes you feel fully
alive and allows you to bring
the best of your gifts forward.
I’m curious if, elsewhere in
your youth, there are hints
of your eventual dedication
to mindfulness and other
awareness practices?
I went to a parochial school
about three blocks from my
apartment in Manhattan. In
middle school, I started going
to church for ten or fifteen
minutes, before school, to just
sit there. It was the only place
I found quiet and stillness. My
mom wanted to know why I
was leaving early for school.
“Well, I’m going to church,” I’d
say. She was very suspicious:
“There’s no Mass now, why are
you really going? What are you
doing there?” I’m just sitting.

m consciousness. I didn’t have
VIDEO Were you in particular
Find Your need of quiet?
Life’s Purpose
My mother had remarried,
A four-part and I shared a bedroom with
video course my baby sister. So, there I
with Rich was, a middle school boy with
Fernandez an infant waking up every
to help you three hours and crying. We
uncover were this blended family
meaning, set starting to come together, in
intentions, and a small apartment. It was a bit
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF RICH FERNANDEZ
more. tumultuous. So, church was
an island of calm and repose
mindful.org/ and peace. I didn’t use those
rich-fernandez words at the time. All I knew
was that I liked to go. The
sacredness of the space itself
connected me to something
beyond myself.
Rich Fernandez sharing his passion for purpose
during a keynote address on the science of mindful
leadership, given at the 2018 APEX Leadership
Symposium in Ottawa.
It’s not unusual for the
path to mindfulness to
begin with a personal
crisis. But that wasn’t the
case for you, was it?
In my freshman year of col-
lege, a dorm-mate invited me
to a tai chi class. Neither of us
had tried it before, and I didn’t
know anything about tai chi.
But in that first session, I felt
a real shift, an opening up of
the words to name it, but it
was a kind of embodied mind-
fulness experience. At the end
of class, I asked the instructor,
“What were we doing?” She
said, “Meditation in motion.”
I asked, “What’s meditation?”
And that was it?
It was a “wow” moment.
The instructor recommended
books by Thich Nhat Hanh,
Stephen Levine, Lao Tzu,
Zhuang Zhou, Alan Watts—
and I read them. From that
class onward, meditation—
mindfulness—became a for-
mal pursuit. Suddenly, there
was a model to follow. I came
to mindfulness through a
gravitation toward the innate
goodness of life that, through
formal practice, I could
finally access.
After you earned your PhD
you had a successful run
in the corporate world,
from Bank of America to
eBay—the latter move
occurring in the throes of
the financial crisis.
As a retail business, eBay
was severely affected. People
around me were freaking out.
I was worried, but I like to
think I’m fairly grounded—and
I practice, right? Some of
my colleagues were curious.
“We’re facing a crisis, how
come you’re so chill?” I told
them that I find my ground
every day. “How?” they asked.
I told them that medita-
tion helps, and they asked,
“What’s meditation?” I started
holding sits for about five of
my colleagues, teaching them
to cultivate awareness using
their breath. Before I knew it,
20 people were showing up.
The arc of your life seems
striking for the absence of
bad career decisions.
My practice has been an
anchor point for me. Each
step of the way, my convic-
tions have been informed by
an underlying sense of what
my life is about. I feel very
fortunate that I’ve managed
to find my way, to live and do
what I love. ●
June 2020 mindful 61
 voices

Easy Speed
What swimming taught me about
self-compassion and letting go.
By Kelly Barron

PHOTOGRAPH BY SONG HEMING / STOCKSY

62 mindful June 2020

June 2020 mindful 63
voices
I’m
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kelly Barron is a freelance
writer and mindfulness teacher
in Los Angeles. When she’s not
meditating or swimming, she
loves to play table tennis.
64 mindful June 2020
no Diana Nyad.
But I’m a capable
swimmer. Dur-
ing the summer
months, I regularly
swim a half-mile in the
Pacific Ocean, churning
through waves and unpre-
dictable tides with the self-
assurance of a Los Angeles
lifeguard.
So when a gym pal
encouraged me to improve
my strokes by taking a
lesson with Dan Halladay,
a retired UCLA women’s
swim team coach, I was
game. I liked the idea of
refining my freestyle,
polishing my flip turns,
and getting in some intense
swim workouts.
As I headed to the pool
for my first lesson, I was
surprised to feel a pang
of nervous tightness in
my chest. I met Dan, a fit
68-year-old with a genuine
smile, at the far end of a
lane reserved for lessons.
Dan got down to business
quickly, explaining that
he’d film my first 50 yards
on his iPhone and then get
in the water to instruct.
I pulled on my orange
swim cap, squared my
goggles over my nose, and
slipped into the chlorine-
scented water. Taking off
with purpose, I whirled
my arms and kicked my
feet at a fast clip. I hit the
wall, reversing course with
a solid flip turn, and kept
pace to finish strongly.
Dan was waiting at the
water’s edge. My friend had
told me that no matter how
good a swimmer I thought
I was, Dan would offer cor-
rections. Of course; that’s
why I was taking a lesson.
But what Dan said sur-
prised me.
“Wow, you’re like a
wind-up toy in the water,”
he joked. Taking a more
serious tone, he told me:
“Relax. Slow down.” Then,
Dan relayed the kind of
wisdom that transcends
sport: “We only have so
many starry nights left.”
The nervous tightness
in my chest blossomed. I
felt both embarrassed and
profoundly seen by Dan’s
seemingly obvious observa-
tion of my Type A tenden-
cies. The harsh voice of
self-criticism rang in my
ears: “Why are you trying
so hard? You’re not training
for the Olympics!”
Then, as it often does
when I need it most, my
mindfulness practice
showed up. I took a deep
breath and softened my
body. In the space I cre-
ated between my critical
thoughts, waves of self-
compassion arose. Pema
Chödrön’s sweet refrain of
self-acceptance—“allow,
allow, allow”—floated into
my mind. Reframing my
reactivity with kindness, I
thought how normal it was
for me and for all of us to
return to our habitual set
points when we try some-
thing new, feel stressed, or
just get a bad night’s sleep.
Healing the wound
of overachieving
And yet, there in the pool
my striving was laid bare.
Swimming, like many
sports, can be an embodied
metaphor for how we relate
to life. I’ve long equated
effort with excellence.
More often than not, I’ve
made it happen, rather than
let it happen. Sometimes
there’s merit in that hard-
nosed approach. It’s made
me successful. But it’s also
made me stressed and, at
times, woefully unhappy.
Like many people who
begin and then develop a
lifelong meditation prac-
tice, I began meditating as
a way to unwind my tightly
wound nervous system.
It’s worked. Even in times
of great difficulty, I’m so
much less stressed than I
ever have been. The way I
muscled myself from one
end of the pool to the other,
though, told me that the
wound of overachieving was
still open. It also told me
that by taking swim lessons
I might have the opportu-
nity to further heal it.
Dan was more than a
worthy teacher. In his
decades of coaching, he’d
trained some of the best
collegiate swimmers in the
country, teaching them
how to efficiently glide
through the water at maxi-
mum speed.
Swimming, it turns out, is
highly paradoxical. Slicing
through the water quickly
while preserving precious
energy requires the perfect

Dan relayed the kind
of wisdom that transcends
sport: “We only have so many
starry nights left.”
muscular balance between
PHOTOGRAPH BY URS SIEDENTOP & CO / STOCKSY
laxity and tension. Swim
with too much effort and
you’ll be gassed before the
race is over. Make too little
effort and you’ll wallow in
the water.
Dan called this razor’s
edge of effort “easy speed.”
After our brief chat, Dan
jumped into the water and
stood in front of me in the
shallow end. He grabbed
my hands and stretched
my arms out in front of me,
lightly moving them in a
rhythmic freestyle motion
so I could feel easy speed in
my body.
It was a mix of pres-
ence, physical ease, and
mental relaxation. I knew
from other experiences—
absorbed concentration
during meditation or
flow while writing—that
the feeling couldn’t be
forced. But it could be felt,
acknowledged, and trained.
A look of recognition
must have registered on my
face. Dan smiled. He then
explained that instead of
ripping and tearing at the
water, I needed to extend
my arms from my shoulders
and reach toward an imagi-
nary pole in front of me
that could pull me ahead
one stroke at a time.
I made a few fumbling
attempts. Dan told me to
soften my hands and loosen
my fingers, spreading them
like Japanese fans. Loose
hands meant water could
slide more readily past me.
The lesson continued
with Dan making numerous
corrections and me making
numerous bids to embody
them. My head was too
high in the water. I dropped
my right hand before my
left hand reached out in
front of me. It would be
better if I rotated my torso
more, and so on.
Dan, though, had me
at starry nights. Midway
through my lesson, I held
my hand up and with the
kind of confidence only a
recovering overachiever
can muster, I told him: “I
think I’ve got it.”
I swam the length of
the pool, letting my body
fall into a state of dynamic
relaxation as I concentrated
on one or two of Dan’s tech-
nical notes. It felt as though
I was swimming through
peanut butter, barely mak-
ing headway across the
pool. I missed my thrashing
and the illusion of control
striving bestows.
But when I finished my
lap, Dan enthusiastically
said: “You won’t believe how
fast you were motoring.”
Staying loose in the
face of resistance
In the swim lessons since
my first, Dan has upped
the ante, tethering me to a
bungee cord and forcing me
to create easy speed against
resistance. Life, like swim-
ming, doesn’t always go
smoothly or as we plan. So I
saw the wisdom of training
easy speed in the face of
difficulty.
And, in fact, the feeling
of easy speed has returned
to me on dry land. It has
appeared at times as a
welcome companion amid
uncertainty, preventing me
from regressing into well-
worn, stressful habits. My
striving nature will likely
always be a part of me. I’ve
become far more accepting
of it. At times, I even appre-
ciate it. It’s what drove me
to take a swim lesson in
the first place. But maybe,
sometime in the near
future, striving won’t be
what propels me forward.
Easy speed will be my new
set point. ●
June 2020 mindful 65
 Bookmark This
read…listen…stream
MINDFUL MOVEMENT
IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
Paul Salmon • Guilford Press
How many movies or TV series have you seen
depicting psychotherapy? Every time it’s the
same scene. The therapist in a comfortable chair,
their hands nested beneath their chin, listening
intently or speaking wisely. Across from them sits
the client on a chair or couch, usually a little more
anxious. Salmon, a clinical psychologist teach-
ing in the department of psychological and brain
sciences at the University of Louisville, asks us: Is
anything missing from this picture?
No movement. Because movement is, he says,
traditionally “viewed as outside the realm of ‘talk
therapy.’” Salmon—who is also a certified exercise
physiologist, registered yoga teacher, personal
trainer, and mindfulness teacher—encourages
clinicians to consider incorporating “purposeful,
mindful movement” in their interventions. He is
not talking simply about exercise but about move-
ment infused with awareness of what’s going on
in body and mind, which can “provide a way to
rekindle appreciation for our ability to move and
be physically active.” Moving, he emphasizes,
is baked into our DNA, but our lifestyles have
greatly reduced it. Physical activity itself can cre-
ate tangible experience that helps us be more than
sedentary bodies with overactive brains, provid-
ing “an anchor to moment-to-moment reality.”
Salmon leads off by offering five progres-
sively more engaged ways to bring movement
into therapy. He then defines mindful movement
and makes a case for it, as well as reviewing how
mindful movement is used in existing clinical pro-
grams. From there,Salmon offers practical appli-
cations, first in a general way, and then for various
kinds of conditions, such as anxiety, depression,
PTSD, eating disorders, and addiction. There are
also 29 audio guided practices that purchasers of
the book can use personally or with clients.
66 mindful June 2020
STRANGE SITUATION
A Mother’s Journey into
the Science of Attachment
Bethany Saltman • Ballantine
Research has shown that our Attachment parenting is now
very earliest relationships de rigeur, she writes, but is
affect everything we do later often contradicted by the sci-
in life—”how we love, work, ence of attachment, which she
marry, create, lead, pray, scroll, dives into headfirst with this
drink, eat, study, sleep, have moving memoir. Her journey
sex,” writes Bethany Saltman. explores the witnessing of
As a new parent, troubled by sadness, hurt, and anger, and
the shadows of her emotion- the universal desire to be seen.
ally neglected childhood, Salt- Attachment, she discovers,
man sought to come to grips isn’t only about mothering —
with what “good” attachment it’s available to any of us who
is, how we can heal from the truly delight in those dear to
“bad” kind, and her own self. our hearts.
KEEP CALM AND LOG ON
Your Handbook for Surviving
the Digital Revolution
Gillian “Gus” Andrews, EdD •
The MIT Press
This handbook is crammed at” technology, addicted to
with practical information, it, or at a loss for how best to
from understanding bias to navigate a world dominated by
figuring out who owns a partic- it. She addresses FAQs around
ular website. Andrews points privacy, online etiquette, criti-
out that the digital revolution— cal thinking, intimate online
with its promise of connecting relationships, and more. Work-
us all, extending access, and sheets, practices, advice, and
generally spreading more resources for further reading
fun—often makes us feel more make this guide valuable for
disconnected and proliferates anyone who wants to better
disinformation. Her book is understand one of the defining
for those of us who feel “bad revolutions of our time.
 Meditation
Made Simple
Learn the life-changing skill of mindfulness meditation with expert
advice & helpful guidance found in every issue of Mindful magazine.

Subscribe Today
mindful.org
read, listen, stream

TUNE IN TO
Mindful
WELL NOURISHED
Mindful Practices to Heal Your Visit mindful.org for featured meditations from
Relationship with Food, Heal Your Hugh Byrne, Kristin Neff, and JG Larochette
Whole Self, and End Overeating
Andrea Lieberstein, MPH, RDN •
Fair Winds
FIND YOUR WAY THROUGH ANXIETY

A 23-Minute Anxiety Practice to Calm Body and Mind

This step-wise approach
to healing our relationships
with food offers worksheets,
charts, graphs, prompts,
and practices to lead readers
through an inventory of how,
what, and why we eat and
overeat. Lieberstein outlines
what she calls our “eight
bodies”: physical, emotional,
psychological, spiritual,
social, intellectual, and cre-
ative. A lack of nourishment
of one or more of those bod-
ies may lead us to overeat,
Lieberstein writes. Subse-
quent chapters focus on
each of those bodies—with
research-based informa-
tion about the importance of
each to our well-being, along
with tools for tapping into
awareness, setting inten-
tions, and making changes
to better nourish each of our
bodies. Well Nourished is a
practical, compassionate,
customizable approach to an
issue that can feel insur-
mountable—we have to eat to
survive, but failing to address
our relationship with food
and overeating can stunt our
ability to thrive and live fully.
1
from Hugh Byrne
When we’re anxious, caught up in fearful or worried
thinking about what might happen, these difficult
feelings will often lead us into acting in habitual
ways. Using mindfulness, we can allow ourselves to
experience the feelings and then choose whether
we act on them. Explore this practice to lay the
basis for more healthy and beneficial responses to
your anxious impulses.
A 20-Minute Meditation to Cultivate Compassion
2
from Kristin Neff

During loving-kindness meditation, the meditator

thinks of a particular person, visualizes them,
and silently repeats a series of phrases to invoke
friendly wishes or good intentions. The best part:
LONGER Research shows that loving-kindness meditation
Michael Blumlein • Tor is “dose-dependent”—the more you do, the more
powerful the effects. Work with this compassion
practice to create more supportive self-talk and
uplifted moods.

A 6-Minute Breathing Practice to Stay in the Moment

A San Francisco medical
doctor who is also an award-
winning science fiction and
fantasy author, Blumlein
passed away in the fall of
2019 after a long illness. Lon-
ger is the work he produced
during his final year and its
principal theme is mortality.
He presents a world where
it’s possible to “juve,” to add
another life span. With current
pharmacology, one is able to
safely add more “lives” twice
(which is still not enough for
some). Dream come true,
right? Well…maybe. The fact
that Blumlein himself was
facing his own death while
composing the novel gives it
power and palpability that is
the mark of the best kind of
science fiction. Ironically, this
is a book brimming with life.
3
from JG Larochette
Resting attention on the breath is the foundational
practice of mindfulness. Breath may be a little
shallow or a little deeper, at different times, but
the breath is always here for us right here, right
now. This gentle practice, which is also a great way
for children to explore mindfulness, helps us to
practice drawing our awareness back to the breath,
time and again, training our attention so that we
can focus in each moment.

68 mindful June 2020


PODCAST
Reviews
EMOTIONAL BADASS
Episode: Managing Our Feelings
Through the Coronavirus Crisis
As much as the world
of podcasts offers
entertainment, education,
and news, it also provides
valuable tools for mental
and emotional support, in
the very real and human
moments when we need
reassurance. In this episode
of Emotional Badass,
psychotherapist Nicki
Eisenhauer calls on the life
lessons she learned through
surviving Hurricane Katrina.
With both confidence and
compassion, she voices
the quiet inner truths we
need to be reminded of right
now: That our basic needs
of food, shelter, and rest are
top priority, even (especially)
THE 180 PODCAST
Episode: Coronavirus: Keeping our Children
and Ourselves Safe, with Pamela Cantor, M.D.
Pamela Cantor, MD,
discusses how to address
the fear, stress, and
disruption children and
teenagers will likely
experience during the
pandemic. This hour-long
episode discusses both
physical and emotional
safety—e.g., how we can
encourage new practices,
like more frequent
handwashing and strict
physical distancing. Helping
them shift their behavior,
without stressing them
out more than necessary,
means “patient persistence,
THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE
to having honest conversations
about divisive issues from
three professional mediators.
during a crisis. That having
safe boundaries is a strength
we can and must practice:
“Sometimes saying no when
we want to say yes is the
most loving thing that we can
do.” That financial worry is
valid, and yet isn’t bigger than
our ability to find a way. And
that bearing witness to our
storm of emotions creates
space for loving-kindness,
rather than blowing us over.
Dr. Eisenhauer ends with a
10-minute guided meditation
that powerfully affirms our
own capability, strength, and
resilience. Particularly worth
remembering is her note
that “Fear is not equal to how
much you care.”
enlisting [children and
teens] in helping others, and “A potent gift that can transform our
understanding that others are approach to difficult conversations
being impacted even more
about the things that matter.
A
than them.” For their emotional
health? Truth and authenticity ”
matter, says Dr. Cantor. Talk
.
to your kids proactively,
and answer their questions
—OREN JAY SOFER ,
patiently. Parents should also
model habits of well-being,
author of Say What You Mean
as best they can: “Taking
care of yourself, including
using reflective practices like
meditation, will help you care
for others.” This episode is
wonderfully well-rounded,
grounded, and practical. ●
June 2020 mindful 69 Enlighten your inbox | shambhala.com/email
 marketplace

ubEduZN2dZ{RqrZu~
!2
./+
REqdYf|ufcZdPWvbb~
bREPnRfnbRŧuREcrŧEdP
fqXEdZEuZfdrŬ

cfuZfdEbduRbbZXRdNRƨfcnErrZfdƨ.RrZbZRdNR

#dbZdRnqfXqEcrZdŦ
EruRqfWqurZd ZdPWvbREPRqrYZn
qEPvEuRRquZWZNEuRZd ZdPWvbREPRqrYZn

REqd fqR
ubEduZN2dZ{ŬRPvƨĦĞĞżĢĠĦżğģğĠ
Ŭ# Ų1!12!7
1!12!7./1:ƨ7.!ŧ7ƨ.1

WELCOME
a compassion training
Mindful and Naropa University present a new online
course to help you open your heart and live in
alignment with your true values. Plus, receive a
certificate of completion from Naropa University.

SIGN UP AT
mindful.org/welcome-course

70 mindful June 2020

 marketplace

Award-Winning Children’s
Books on Mindfulness
Experience Dr. Frank J. Sileo’s
award-winning children’s books on mindfulness.
Learn to take a pause then read the series
featuring Bentley Bee and his adventures
throught the garden teaching meditation,
learning yoga, and spreading loving-kindness.
A World of Pausabilities:
An Exercise in Mindfulness

Bee Still: Bee Calm: Bee Heartful:

An Invitation to Meditation The Buzz on Yoga Spread Loving-Kindness

To Learn More & Order: DrFrankSileo.com • Amazon.com

Being Aware & Being Kind:

Cloud Meditation
Training & Practice in
Bench Set
California

Cultivate connection
through meditation,
relational, embodiment,
and nature practices.

• Courses & Retreats

7+(0('Ζ7$7(&58Ζ6($/$6.$ • Coaching & Customized
&$/0<2850Ζ1'a/(7<2856(/)81:Ζ1' Trainings
%RG\0LQG6RXO
• Gifts to Support Mindful
'D\V1LJKWVRI0LQGIXO3HDFHDW6HD Living
6HSWHPEHU
Meditation ȏ0RUHJURXQGHGWKDQ
a+ROODQG$PHULFD
V2RVWHUGDPa Bench FKDLUPHGLWDWLRQ
IURP6HDWWOH:DVKLQJWRQ VXSSRUWVD ȏΖQFOXGHV&ORXG
3XJHW6RXQG .HWFKLNHQ 9LFWRULD 6LWND -XQHDX *ODFLHU%D\
FURVVOHJJHG %HQFK&XVKLRQDQG Monterey Bay
SRVWXUH

Zabuton Mat
ȏ(DV\DVVHPEO\OEV
Meditation Studio
0HGLWDWLRQV:RUNVKRSV5HLNL6RXQG+HDOLQJ montereybaymeditation.com
<RJD1LGUD1DWXUH:DONVDQGPRUH Use the code CLOUDMKT (831) 373-1017
$OOΖQFOXVLYH5HWUHDW3DFNDJHVWDUWLQJDWSHUSHUVRQ at checkout to SAVE 5% on the
 Cloud Meditation Bench Set.

$5HOD[HGDQG:RQGHUIXO5HWUHDWDW6HDEURXJKWWR\RXE\
0HGLWDWH6FKRRORI0LQGIXOQHVV
/HDUQPRUHDWZZZWKHPHGLWDWHFUXLVHPH

 6DPDGKL&XVKLRQVFRP
Vermont-Made Meditation Solutions Since 1975

June 2020 mindful 71

 point of view
IT’S NOT ONE
AND DONE
by BARRY BOYCE, FOUNDING EDITOR
In season 1, episode 4, of the hit annoying. The whole thing just feels
television series Fleabag, the title char- like a crock of shit.
acter (a hot mess who runs a tiny strug- It can be very amusing to see the
gling café in London and who struggles movement (or field or fad, if you
with just about everything) and her prefer) you’re part of—and part of pro-
sister Claire (a very tightly wound moting—so mercilessly sent up. I have
business executive who also struggles to admit that it also made me grimace
with just about everything) receive the a bit. Do I do that? Is this really what
gift of a mindfulness retreat from their we’re putting out there?
dad. It seems like, 1, he’s trying to get In fact, though, the show has
his trying daughters out of his hair for picked an easy target: the cliché
a while, and 2, he’s hoping they will
return as completely different people.
Hilarity ensues. The cliché is that mindfulness is an experience we have,
This scenario becomes the pretext something to get and collect. It’s the ultimate trip to Paris.
for a full-blown satire of the mind-
fulness revolution. The retreat takes And thereafter, you’ll always have Paris.
place in a posh estate surrounded by
lush, manicured grounds. The woman
leading the retreat speaks softly but version of the mindfulness world. And
wields a big passive-aggressive emo- to be fair, every cliché reflects some
tional stick that is thinly concealed. truth. There is plenty of crappy and
She’s better, calmer, more aware, and creepy stuff out there parading as
more woke than mindfulness. Caveat meditator.
m
the messed-up At the heart of the cliché depicted
women (it’s a in the show is that mindfulness is an
women-only experience we have, something to get
event) who wash and collect. What the two sisters were
up on her shore. sent to seek was a peak experience
PODCAST
And speaking of that would change them forever. They
Point of View
washing, partici- were expecting to travel to Mindful-
Founding editor pants are made to ness-ville, as if it were a special place
Barry Boyce do lots of clean- you visited, pure and rarified and free
and managing ing chores, and from the pain and drudgery of life, a
editor Stephanie they are paying place that also leaves an indelible mark.
Domet dig for the privilege. It’s the ultimate trip to Paris. And
deeper into Silence is not gen- thereafter, you’ll always have Paris.
these ideas on tly encouraged. But as meditation teacher Jack
the Point of View It’s enforced with Kornfield famously pointed out in a
podcast. prison-guard-like classic book, after the ecstasy comes
mindful.org/ scorn. the laundry. When we practice mind-
pov Needless to fulness, awareness, kindness, and
say, Claire and compassion, we may very likely have
Fleabag find the life-changing experiences. No problem
whole experience having them, or wanting them for that
disappointing and matter. Peak experiences, though, are
72 mindful June 2020
just that. They exist as peaks. When
mountain climbers reach the summit,
they don’t stay very long. They can’t.
The air up there is too thin.
When mindfulness really starts to
make a difference is when it can be
brought to ground and integrated into
everyday life. The practices are not
magic talismans that transform you
upon touch. They are ingredients that
get added to all the other parts of our
life. And one of the nice things about
mindfulness is that in bringing atten-
tion to details and to changes within
us and around us, it complements so
many other habits and disciplines in
our lives, such as nutrition, exercise,
relationships, gardening, art, craft,
and all kinds of skills we learn in order
to thrive within our lives, like listen-
ing and learning to be a better leader.
The two sisters were served up
mindfulness as an airy-fairy one-stop
experience, delivered from the mouth
of a soft-talking expert. The differ-
ence between that and sustainable
mindfulness is the difference between
cotton candy and an apple. At its best,
mindfulness is a lifelong path that
takes us straight to the center of our
heart, where we can keep finding a
ILLUSTRATION BY TOM BACHTELL
compass that can guide us through
the unavoidable challenges of living
down here on the ground. ●
Barry Boyce is the founding editor of Mindful
and Mindful.org and author of The Mindfulness
Revolution. He has been an avid mindfulness
practitioner for over 40 years.