Sex Demystify Ebook (A)

SEX DEMYSTIFIED- Take your sex life from good to amazing
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Sex demystify
The process to having an amazing sex
By Dheolar
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Disclaimer
This e-book has been written for information purposes
only. Every effort has been made to make this ebook as
complete and accurate as possible. However, there may
be mistakes in typography or content. Also, this e-book
provides information only up to the publishing date.
Therefore, this ebook should be used as a guide - not as
the ultimate source.
The purpose of this ebook is to educate. The author and

the publisher do not warrant that the information
contained in this ebook is fully complete and shall not be
responsible for any errors or omissions. The author and
publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to
any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage
caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by
this ebook.
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Table of Contents
Introduction ......................................................................................5
Chapter 1 – Basic Sex .........................................................................7
Benefit of sex .................................................................................... 9
Your brain on sex ............................................................................. 13
Sex etiquette ................................................................................... 14
Chapter 2 – Seductions ...................................................................... 16

Make your man crave for you............................................................... 16
How to get in the mood and stay there.................................................. 20
Chapter 3 – Foreplay .......................................................................... 22

Art of flirtation .................................................................................. 24
Erotic touch ...................................................................................... 26
Chapter 4 – Using your body knowledge-Touch zone exploration............... 29

Her touch zone .................................................................................. 30
His touch zone ................................................................................... 32
Chapter 5 – Ejaculation ....................................................................... 39

Female Ejaculation .............................................................................. 39
Tips to experience ejaculation ............................................................... 44
Male Ejaculation .................................................................................. 45
Chapter 6 – Orgasm ............................................................................ 48

Her Orgasm ....................................................................................... 49
Tips to making her orgasm ................................................................... 53
Breast Orgasm .................................................................................... 58
The male Orgasm ................................................................................ 59
How to influence his orgasm ..................................................................61
Chapter 7– Erogenous Zones................................................................ 72

Her Erogenous zones............................................................................ 72
Women personal pleasure map ............................................................. 76
All about him ..................................................................................... 80
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His personal pleasure map ................................................................... 83
INTRODUCTION
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Good sex books help us gain sexual knowledge and have

better sex. Better sex is part of having happier lives. Yes,
this book is full of tips and techniques, but the real
benefit of sex books, and this is coming from someone
who reads a ton of them, is that the good ones celebrate
sex in a way that makes you want to have more of it.
Reading a great sex guide reminds you how much you
love sex and makes you want to experiment with new
techniques and positions. A good sex guide can make you
feel closer to your lover, or if you are single, eager to go
out and get frisky with a new person. Most everything in
this book can help you feel hotter and sexier and more
ready for sex, regardless of whether you are partnered or
not. Reading this book can help you understand a great
deal more about your sexuality. All that knowledge will
pay off in the form of confidence and readiness to have
sex without shame or fear. You don’t have to love
everything in this book, but if reading about new things
makes them feel more familiar to you, then I’ll consider
this book a success.
Sex is what separates lovers from friends. It fulfills our

deepest needs for intimacy and affection. It makes us feel
whole and happy. Sex is, in a word, wonderful. But great
sex doesn’t just happen. It takes effort. we all need the
same things to really enjoy sex: space to explore our
desire and security to do so without feeling judged. Sex is
hotter when we feel safe and appreciated, when we have
time to relax and get turned on.
Our sexuality is part of who we are. When we are in touch
with our sexuality we feel confident, attractive, and
capable of anything. Good sex makes us happy and
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increases our feelings of fulfillment. Hot sex also

enhances our self-esteem, making us more attractive to
potential partners and improving our lives in and out of
the bedroom. We agree we should all be having great
sex, right? So how do we find it? Sure, you need a lover,
but attracting the right lover is a process that starts with
figuring out who you are and what you want. It also
requires that you appreciate yourself and all the amazing
things you have to offer.
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Chapter 1-
SEX BASIC
Sex is an important factor in your life

Sex and sexuality are a part of life. Aside from
reproduction, sex can be about intimacy and pleasure.
Sexual activity, penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI), or
masturbation, can offer many surprising benefits to all
facets of your life:
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 physical
 intellectual
 emotional
 psychological
 social
Sexual health is more than avoiding diseases and
unplanned pregnancies. It’s also about recognizing that
sex can be an important part of your life.
How can sex benefit your body?
This study suggests that sex can be good cardiovascular
exercise in younger men and women. Though sex isn’t
enough exercise on its own, it can be considered light
exercise.
Some of the benefits you can get from sex include:
 lowering blood pressure
 burning calories
 increasing heart health
 strengthening muscles
 reducing your risk of heart disease, stroke, and
hypertension
 increasing libido
People with active sex lives tend to exercise more
frequently and have better dietary habits than those who
are less sexually active. Physical fitness may also
improve sexual performance overall.
Stronger immune system
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In a study of immunity in people in romantic

relationships, people who had frequent sex (one to two
times a week) had more immunoglobulin A (IgA) in their
saliva. People who had infrequent sex (less than once a
week) had significantly less IgA.
IgA is the antibody that plays a role in preventing
illnesses and is the first line of defense against human
papillomavirus, or HPV.
But those who had sex more than three times a week had
the same amount of IgA as those who had infrequent sex.
The study suggests that anxiety and stress can possibly
cancel out the positive effects of sex.
Better sleep
Your body releases oxytocin, also called the “love” or
“intimacy” hormone, and endorphins during an orgasm.
The combination of these hormones can act as sedation.
Better sleep can contribute to:
 a stronger immune system
 a longer lifespan
 feeling more well-rested
 having more energy during the day
How sex benefits all genders
In men
A recent review found that men who had more frequent
penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) had less risk of
developing prostate cancer.
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One study found that men who averaged having 4.6 to 7

ejaculations a week were 36 percent less likely to receive
a prostate cancer diagnosis before the age of 70. This is
in comparison to men who reported ejaculating 2.3 or
fewer times a week on average.
For men, sex may even affect your mortality.
One study that had a 10 year follow-up reported that men
who had frequent orgasms (defined as two or more a
week) had a 50 percent lower mortality risk than those
who had sex less often.
Although results are conflicting, the quality and health of
your sperm may increase with increased sexual activity,
as some research suggests.
In women
Having an orgasm increases blood flow and releases
natural pain-relieving chemicals.
Sexual activity in women can:
 improve bladder control
 reduce incontinence
 relieve menstrual and premenstrual cramps
 improve fertility
 build stronger pelvic muscles
 help produce more vaginal lubrication
 potentially protect you against endometriosis, or the
growing of tissue outside your uterus
The act of sex can help strengthen your pelvic floor. A

strengthened pelvic floor can also offer benefits like less
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pain during sex and reduced chance of a vaginal

prolapse. One study shows that PVI can result in reflexive
vaginal contractions caused by penile thrusting.
Women who continue to be sexually active after
menopause are less likely to have significant vaginal
atrophy, or the thinning of vaginal walls. Vaginal atrophy
can cause pain during sex and urinary symptoms.
How can sex benefit your mental health?

Sexual activity, with a partner or through masturbation,
can provide important psychological and emotional
benefits. Like exercise, sex can help reduce stress and
anxiety and increase happiness.
Studies suggest that sexual activity (defined as PVI) may
correlate with:
 increased satisfaction with your mental health
 increased levels of trust, intimacy, and love in your
relationships
 improved ability to perceive, identify, and express
emotions
 lessened use of your immature psychological defense
mechanism, or the mental processes to reduce
distress from emotional conflict
At an older age, sexual activity may affect your well-
being and ability to think. Research found that sexually
active adults between 50 to 90 years old had better
memory. They were also less likely to feel depressed and
lonely.
Confidence booster
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Frequent sexual activity, whether with a partner or alone,

can make you look younger. This is partially due to the
release of estrogen during sex.
One study found a correlation between frequent sexual
activity and looking significantly younger (between seven
to 12 years younger). The majority of these individuals
were also comfortable expressing their sexuality and
sexual identity.
Social benefits
Sex can help you connect to your partner, thanks to
oxytocin. Oxytocin can play a role in developing
relationships. You may find that consistent, mutual sexual
pleasure helps with bonding within a relationship.
Coupled partners often have increased relationship
satisfaction when they fulfill one another's sexual desires.
You may find positive growth in your relationship when
you’re able to express yourself and your sexual desires.
What are the benefits of masturbation?

Masturbation can offer many of the same benefits as sex,
but also has its own advantages, including:
 enhanced sex between partners
 understanding your own body
 increased ability for orgasms
 boosted self-esteem and body image
 increased sexual satisfaction
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 treatment for sexual dysfunction

Masturbation is considered entirely safe and with fewer
health risks attached. When practiced alone, there is no
risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections
(STIs). According to Planned Parenthood, it increases
mental well-being not mental illness or instability like
some myths suggest.
Celibacy and abstinence

Sex isn’t the only indicator of health or happiness. You
can still lead an active and happy life without sex. The
benefits of sex come from the feeling of pleasure,
which studies show can also come from listening to
music, interacting with pets, and having strong religious
faith.
Your brain on sex

The pituitary gland lights up. The nucleus accumbent and
ventral tegmental areas are activated. The hypothalamus
goes into overdrive. And the center of reasoning and
behavior shuts down as you spiral into the euphoria of
sexual pleasure! All this activity might sound like sensory
overload, but this is actually your brain … on sex.
Though the heart is often thought to represent matters of
love and sex, this vital organ’s involvement in sexual
processes is minimal in comparison to that of the brain
and the nervous system. PET scans of the brain during
sexual activity and orgasm reveal that its reward circuit
lights up with a flurry of activity during sex.
These scans confirm that sex is both a physical and
emotional experience, as the amygdala, which controls
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emotion, as well as the area that manages muscle

function, are activated.
Brain studies also explain why sex is so pleasurable from

a chemical perspective, as the areas related to dopamine
release become hotbeds for sexual activity, resulting in
increased levels of this feel-good neurotransmitter. And
as the pituitary gland is activated, the release of
endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin promote pain
reduction, intimacy, and bonding. These observable brain
reactions may not help you to perfect your sexual
technique, but they might help you to understand your
emotions before, during, and after sex.
The power sex wields over our minds and bodies is also
evidenced in our brain activity. Sex is so overwhelmingly
exciting, pleasurable, and rewarding that our brains
during orgasm look almost identical to a brain on heroin.
According to neuroscientist, there is only a 5 percent
difference between our brain’s observable reaction to sex
and heroin, which may explain the euphoric high we
experience after a passionate sex session. And since the
lateral orbitofrontal cortex, which is the section behind
the left eye responsible for sound decision making, turns
off completely during orgasm, we often toss reason to the
wind when the prospect of sex presents itself. Though it
may seem risky to allow our animal instincts to take over
as we set logic aside in favor of pleasure, a degree of
letting go and losing control is essential to desire,
arousal, and orgasm.
SEX ETIQUETTE
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Just because you’re naked doesn’t mean you don’t need

to be polite. It’s just as important to have good manners
during sex as anywhere else. Any courtesy that applies to
any other type of interaction also applies to sex.
1. Check in with your partner. How does she feel? Is she

is getting the kind of attention she wants? Ask her. What
else does she need? Stop and touch her, kiss her, say
something lewd. It may be that she needs a break to talk
and cuddle, or she may be dying of frustration and wants
to fuck. Talk to her while you make out. You won’t know
how she is feeling unless you ask.
2. Don’t push. Everyone gets to choose his or her own

comfort level. There are two of you, and this means there
are two different sets of tastes and preferences. While
being introduced to new things during sex can be very
hot, being pushy about it can be a turnoff.
3. Pay attention. Don’t lose yourself in one activity. There

is a lot more to sex than just getting off. Pay attention to
what’s going on and you will be able to better navigate
her body and your needs. Don’t get greedy. It’s good to
be in the moment, as long as you stay connected.
4. Relax and take a break from time to time. Sometimes

people just need a rest. You can take a break from kissing
and just stroke and touch each other. It’s perfectly fine to
come up for air and just talk; it makes everything last
longer.
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5. Have a sense of humor. Sex is funny. It looks weird. It

sounds odd. People look funny when they are having sex.
Don’t get freaked out and feel weird. Funny things
happen. It’s okay to laugh.
6. Make your hookup feel special. Give compliments. Say

dirty, nasty, hot things. Get her riled up.
7. It’s great to be on top, but don’t boss anyone around.

Directing the action is fun, as long as you pay attention to
your date’s response. If she doesn’t like where you are
taking things, back off. Do not under any circumstances
criticize anyone’s techniques or behavior.
8. This really shouldn’t have to be said, but I’ll say it

anyway: be nice to the people you are having sex with.
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chapter 2-
SEDUCTION
make your lover crave you

Desire and seduction go hand in hand and both are
fundamental to hot sex. Though your levels of desire are
impacted by many factors (diet, stress, sleep, and
exercise to name just a few), skillful sexual seduction can
attenuate the impact of these lifestyle factors. Similarly,
when you are overcome by untamed desire, you become
naturally inspired to seduce your lover in new and
compelling ways. Neither desire nor seduction can
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flourish into sexual pleasure without the other, and both

are prerequisites to every fulfilling sexual encounter.
Whether you’ve been lovers for five months or five years

—or fifty!—maintaining the spark and making your lover
crave you is well worth the effort, for both sexual and
emotional fulfillment.
Here are a few strategies to make your lover ache for

you.
Be playful! Tap into your inner child. Studies suggest

that playfulness may be a sign of maturity, and a sense of
humor ranks as the most important character trait sought
in a long-term partner.
Take time to play together as you would have in your
early years: Hit up the swing set at your local park, visit
the zoo or an amusement park without the kids, go for a
swim at sunset, or watch a movie from the backseat at a
drive-in theater. And try to work some playfulness into
your daily routines, too. Flash him a glimpse of your
thong while you’re in the kitchen, or press your cock into
her backside while cleaning up after breakfast to leave
her aching for more all day long.
Brush up on your skills. Even if you are the best lover

your sweetheart has ever met, you can always learn new
techniques and approaches to supplement your current
repertoire. Who can resist a nighttime “practice” session?
Switch roles between the boardroom (or kitchen table)
and the bedroom. The fantasy of having a
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lady/gentleman in the street but a freak in the sheets is a

common one, so showcase your most refined manners in
public and draw out your most primal urges once the
lights are lowered.
The anticipation might just make your lover pull over on
the way home to sample what’s to come.
Maintain separate interests, hobbies, and social

groups. Autonomy has been shown to be connected to
higher levels of pleasure, satisfaction, and orgasm in both
men and women.
In one study 39 percent of respondents reported that
they have a healthier relationship because they maintain
some degree of independence from their partner. Time
apart can actually create sexual tension, as your brain
responds to the mystery of your absence and novelty of
your return. Maintaining your own interests outside of
your relationship also breeds curiosity, which can trigger
chemical and brain reactions similar to those experienced
during the exciting early stages of your relationship.
Take on multiple personalities in bed. Being a

submissive damsel in distress may help to draw out his
inner macho dominant, but switching things up will keep
him guessing and coming back for more. Even if you
prefer to submit to his every need, be sure to surprise
him once in a while by initiating sex, taking control, and
letting him lie back and indulge in the prowess of your
inner dominant.
Indulge your lover in her fantasies. If she fantasizes

about being ravaged by two strangers in the backseat of
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her car, tease her with tidbits of this fantasy during

flirting and sex play. Whisper in her ear, “I want to share
you,” or drive her to a secluded spot and blindfold her as
you talk her into believing that you’re a total stranger.
Supporting her in her most intense fantasies will entrench
your role in her sexual script and intensify your erotic
bond.
Encourage your honey to cheat . . . but only in his

mind. Sharing your partner may be the furthest thing
from your sexual radar, but encouraging your lover to
fantasize about other people and scenarios can plant the
seed for a lifetime of scintillating sex. Our fantasies are
often moderated by culturally enforced inhibitions and
expectations, including a focus on monogamy.
By giving your lover permission to fantasize about
scenarios you might never live out, you will inevitably
broaden his sexual horizons and encourage shared
fantasies to deepen your connection. Feed his fantasies
by telling him how much they turn you on and try to find
common ground. If he fantasizes about having a
threesome with another lady, have fun admiring other
women in public and describe to him in detail exactly
what turns you on: “I love her tits. I bet you’d like to
watch me kiss them.” “I’ve never kissed a girl, but her
lips look so luscious.”
Talk dirty. This is the ultimate sexual skill, and it is most

effective if you throw it into the mix hours (or even days)
ahead of time. Talking dirty in bed is hot, but utilizing
dirty talk outside of the bedroom establishes the
foundation for rapturous desire and mind-blowing sex.
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Play the bad boy (or girl) once in a while. Research

suggests that risk-takers are highly attractive as lovers
but not as long-term partners. Being a sweetheart will
keep her happy outside of the bedroom, but once you’re
behind closed doors, let your naughty side shine.
Cuddle naked. The connection fostered through skin-to-

skin contact involves a complex interplay of chemical
reactions in the body and mind.
Cuddling is not only erotic and intimate, but for men, it is
positively correlated with happiness levels.
Wear red. This is an easy one and the attraction to color

is actually grounded in research. Not only is this bright
hue associated with love, passion, and sex, but also
studies suggest that both men and women are more
attracted to the opposite sex when they’re wearing red.
One group of researchers compared women’s reactions to
photographs of men set against red and white
backgrounds and found that the men with red
surroundings were consistently rated as more attractive.
However, when heterosexual men participated in the
same study, the color of the backdrop had no bearing on
attractiveness ratings, suggesting that the allure of the
color red is related to the sexual as opposed to merely
the aesthetic. Other research suggests that men are also
more attracted to women in red and are drawn to both
red clothing and lipstick.
HOW TO GET IN THE MOOD (AND STAY THERE)
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We often assume that attraction and arousal are physical.

However, as desire originates in our minds, both
attraction and arousal are, in fact, cognitive. While
physical arousal and desire might flow freely with ease,
sometimes mental arousal, which is reliant on our state of
mind, can be thwarted by intrusive thoughts. Whether
you’re worried about a big presentation the next day, a
disagreement you had with a friend, or ongoing financial
woes, nonsexual thoughts can extinguish sexual arousal
or impede sexual satisfaction. While there may be times
you want your lover to think about baseball or dinner to
keep from climaxing, most of the time you want to focus
your attention on what’s to come or the task at hand. If
intrusive thoughts are getting in the way, try these
approaches to managing them.
Relax. Take time to relax your mind and body before

jumping into sexual activity. Give each other a massage,
read a few pages of erotica, dance the lambada or
rumba, meditate together, or take a jog outdoors
together, if that calms your mood. Fantasize or daydream
about an appealing scenario—sexual or otherwise.
Just breathe. Practice slow and purposeful breathing,

focusing solely on the flow of air in and out of your lungs.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your
mouth. Tune in to your body. Wear a blindfold or close
your eyes and touch yourself, focusing only on the
physical sensations. When your sensations are sufficiently
aroused, go ahead and bring yourself to climax, call in
your partner to finish the job, or pause and go about your
day, leaving yourself craving sexual fulfillment later on.
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Be dismissive. Allow the thoughts to flow in and out of

your mind freely. You cannot force unwanted thoughts to
disappear entirely, so if that unfinished tax return pops
into your mind during fellatio, acknowledge it and let it go
chapter 3-
FOREPLAY
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Foreplay, or as most women call it, “the entire point of

sex,” is most commonly known as everything you do
before intercourse. Whether it involves making out,
caressing each other in spoon position, cute li’l neck
smooches, oral sex, fingering, spanking, humping, dirty
talk, back massages, or even just a quick text detailing
what you want to do to them later, foreplay is all the
sensual play before the “big event,” whatever that means
to you!
Foreplay is especially important for women to feel excited
and turned on enough to enjoy penetrative sex, as
jumping right into P-in-V without anything leading up to it
can feel any combination of boring, uncomfortable, or
even painful. Even a quickie should be preceded with
some kind of lead-up for it to be fun for both parties
involved.
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As long as consent is involved, there’s no right or wrong

way when it comes to foreplay. If oral sex is the main
attraction, for example, then the touching and rubbing
that lead up to it will provide the arousal you may need
beforehand. Queen points out that any activity that gets
a person “aroused enough to have fun with the other
stuff” is foreplay.
Some classic foreplay faves include:
Nibbling earlobes
Sucking and biting someone’s neck
Licking and sucking nipples
French kissing
Caressing and squeezing breasts
Stroking a man’s penis
Stroking a woman’s clit
Licking and kissing an anus
Lightly caressing someone all over their body
Fingering a vagina
Fingering an anus
Spanking someone’s ass
Playing with testicles
Telling him he’s good at guitar
Telling her you like her poetry
On top of that, you can also focus on specific body parts,

such as the pubic bone or back of your partner’s neck.
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Again, the fun of it is all in taking the pressure off

yourselves to make your partner orgasm—as long as it
feels good to both people, you’re on the right track!
With all of the focus on sex in this book let’s not lose
sight of the fun that leads up to those moments of sexual
intimacy. Sex play isn’t just a means of getting to the end
of the line and cutting straight to the chase. It’s a worthy
pursuit in and of itself. In fact, sometimes the
anticipating, chasing, and teasing are part of what make
it all so sexy. Enjoy the whole ride, from the very first
spark.
THE ART OF FLIRTATION

Before you get to sex, or even kissing, you need to know
how to flirt and tease. If you have ever watched a skilled
flirt work a room, you know that she possesses the
following traits:
• Is not necessarily the most beautiful woman, or the

youngest, but she is self-confident
• Uses eye contact and touch effectively
• Is charming to both men and women
• Makes people feel like she has eyes only for them at the
moment
• Exudes sexuality
Eye contact is so important when it comes to flirting. Go

to a nice bar, a neighborhood place, an after-work bar, a
jazz bar, a bar with food—any place that is not a “boozer”
bar. Observe the action. Inevitably, you will see a man
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watching a woman. She will make eye contact with him.

What happens next is only the map to hooking up. If she
holds his gaze, he will approach her. If she looks into his
eyes, then looks away, he probably won’t. Men don’t like
to fail. They wait for us to signal that we are
approachable before they make a move.
And then you kiss

If a woman’s flirting catches a man’s attention and he
does, indeed, approach her, that much-anticipated first
kiss might be on the horizon. Science tells us that the kiss
is where we first test sexual chemistry, exchanging
biological signals with our saliva. The sensitive nerve
endings on the lips, on the tongue, and elsewhere inside
the mouth react quickly to delicate erotic stimulation by
the tip of another tongue. The olfactory nerve cells in the
nose are near the mouth. We really do taste, touch, and
smell each other in a deep kiss.
A good kiss is a good start. Inserting your whole tongue
into your lover’s mouth is not a French kiss. That is a
tongue sandwich.
A French kiss is the most delicate interplay of the tips of
your tongues. Use the tip of your tongue to play with your
partner’s lips and tongue and the inside of his mouth.
Lead with the tip. Pull back.
Circle your lover’s tongue with the tip of yours. Pull back.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
When you are both very aroused, thrust the tip of your
tongue in and out in a rhythmic, stabbing movement.
Your lips are passionately locked, but your tongues are
not wrestling for control of the shared oral space. Only
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tease one another with the tips of those fast-moving

tongues.
As you’re kissing, don’t let your hands be idle. Run your
hands up and down one another’s bodies. Let your
caressing and stroking heat up as the kisses do. If you
want to play with your partner a little longer, pull back
from the deep French kiss, the one that signals your
desire for intercourse. Use the tip of your tongue in
circles just inside his lips. Tease those lips again and
again with the circling tip of your tongue—the way you
tease the head of his penis in the silken swirl. Stop. Suck
his lips gently, one at a time. Now try to disengage.
Touch—but not on the genitals

Excluding the genitals, touch any part of your lover’s
body. Run your fingertips lightly up and down her inner
thighs as she puts on (or takes off) her make-up. Stand
behind him, put your arms around his waist, and massage
his chest as he shaves. Rub one another’s back or
shoulders as you are cooking together. Hold hands the
way you did when you were first together, and rub the
back of his hand with your thumb or make circles inside
his palm.
EROTIC TOUCH
Physical affection may be the most powerful of all love
languages, and we have come to associate intimate
touch with deep commitment. Women rate affection as
one of the most important components of a loving
relationship.
Plus, researchers have found that couples who caress one
another experience a reduction in stress hormones, blood
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pressure, and blood sugar alongside an increase in

oxytocin levels, improved pulmonary functioning, and
heightened immunity. On top of the purported health
benefits, being touched by a loved one also feels great!
Erotic touch is an extension of loving touch and different

from therapeutic touch. You don’t need to work out the
knots in her back or soothe his aching neck during an
erotic encounter. Instead, your touch is intended for
mutual pleasure, relaxation, and connection, and it may
or may not lead to further sex play.
Unfortunately, many couples allow their erotic touch to

taper off as their relationship progresses, and women
often complain that their lovers do not touch or hug them
in nonsexual situations. This is a shame, as intimate
touch is not just a precursor to sex but is related to
higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Learning to
touch your lover’s entire body is a simple way to boost
your happiness and ignite your sex life, so take some
time to slow down and explore your bodies in their
entirety without rushing to the genitals for instant
gratification.
Massage Techniques
The sensual massage techniques that follow will have
your lover’s body writhing in pleasure and impassioned
desire. Before you begin, make sure the room is a
comfortable temperature and your partner is relaxed,
whether that means sitting in a chair or lying on the bed.
Make it interesting by giving her a blindfold to wear. You
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can take turns massaging each other, or dedicate an

entire session to worshipping your lover’s body alone.
Spider pulls are the perfect way to draw awareness and

blood to the surface of her skin. Start with your fingers
outstretched and the pads of your fingertips resting
gently against her skin. Slowly and gently pull all five
fingers together into the center with the lightest touch
possible.
Raindrops produce a tingling sensation as you gently

flutter the pads of your fingertips along his most sensitive
regions. Start with his spine, underarms, shoulder blades,
and butt cheeks.
Finger stripes allow you to draw erotic energy to a

focused area of her body. Cover all five fingers in oil and
run them in a straight line down the backs of her thighs,
inner arms, or abdomen. Then retrace your path using
your middle knuckles.
Palm circles get the blood flowing to all the right places.
Just be sure to cover your hands in a light massage oil
before circling them over his chest, abs, and hips. Figure
eights allow you to explore her body with large sweeping
sensations. Use two wet fingers to trace loops of figure-
eight patterns along her collarbone, arms, and the sides
of her breasts.
Tongue trails offer a reminder that you don’t need your

hands to give a sensual massage. Trace your tongue all
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around his hot spots, alternating between a pointed tip

and a wide, flat tongue.
The body slide is an advanced technique common in

high-end massage parlors. Your lover lies on his stomach
and you slide your entire body down the full length of his
backside. You’ll need to slather yourselves in oil for this
one!
Awakening touch uses only the backs of your

fingernails. This activates the nerve endings, referred to
as the tactile corpuscles, that are most sensitive to light
touch and are primed for heightened pleasure, as they
don’t interpret pain.
Temperature play can be highly erotic as you shift

between breathing warm air against the skin with a wide
open mouth and cool air with tightly pursed lips to
activate your lover’s sensitive thermo-receptors.
Chapter 4-
USING YOUR BODY KNOWLEDGE: TOUCH-ZONE
EXPLORATION
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Sexual relationships begin with a look and then a touch.

At least subliminally, we all know how important touch is.
When you meet someone new, the touching is
exploratory, a hand over a hand, an arm stroke, hair
gently pushed away from your forehead. If the touch feels
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right, the couple progress to that “can’t keep their hands

off each other” phase. Even when a couple is over that
phase, they aren’t over the need to touch.
Explore your lover’s body with your hands. You might find
he or she has some touch zones you didn’t know existed.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR BODY AS WELL AS YOU KNOW HIS?

The first step to sexual empowerment is being familiar
and comfortable with your own body.
How can you have a good sex life if you don’t know your
body well?
Admittedly, the penis is easier to know than the vagina.
There are no hidden pockets. But you have a vagina, and
there is more to owning it than having it waxed regularly.
The female body is rich in sexual touch zones. Our curves
are sensuous and we should revel in them. Discover your
sensuality and you will also find your sexuality.
HER TOUCH ZONES

Her sexual body extends beyond the clitoris. There are
other genital hot zones common to all women, and
undoubtedly some private pleasure places of your own.
The more you arouse them, the more sensitive they
become. Here’s a rundown of the main hot-spots:
• Clitoris
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Nearly all women know that their clitoris is that little pink
glans (or head) inside the hood at the top where the labia
(vaginal lips) come together. It is sometimes compared to
the penis because of its shaftlike shape. But there is a lot
more to the clitoris than the small erection you see. It is
attached to spongy tissue and connected to an extensive
system of nerves curving around the vagina. For the
majority of women, the clitoris and the surrounding tissue
are the most sexually sensitive parts of the body.
• The G-spot
The G-spot is that spongy mass of rough tissue located in
the front wall of the vagina halfway between the pubic
bone and the cervix and below the opening of the
urethra. (Because you feel it through the vagina, the G-
spot has been erroneously defined as being inside it.) And
each one of us feels like an explorer when we find our
own.
Find your g-spot-Can’t find it? Place your hand, palm

up, at the entrance of your vagina. Insert two fingers and
make the “come hither” gesture.
Nothing? Try squatting. Some women find it easier to
locate their G in that position. Nothing yet? Use a
vibrator, either a special G-spot vibe or an attachment to
one you have. That is the simplest and best way of
discovering the spot.
• The AFE Zone

Across from the G-spot is the AFE (anterior fornix erotic)
zone, a small, sensitive patch of textured, but not rough,
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skin at the top of the vagina closer to the cervix. Stroking

the AFE zone makes almost any woman lubricate
immediately. Explore the front wall of your vagina with
one finger. When you feel moisture forming beneath your
finger, you’ve hit it.
• The U-spot
We typically don’t think of the urethra as a sexy place.
But the tiny area of tissue above the opening of the
urethra
(and right below the clitoris) is a separate pleasure point.
Many women stimulate their U spots during masturbation
without being aware that they are. Men typically discover
it by accident while looking for the clitoris. If you’ve ever
thought, “That’s not the place, but wait a minute, it feels
good,” he’s hit your U spot with his finger or tongue. And
it’s a good place for him to shift his attention between
orgasms if your clitoris is too sensitive to the touch for a
few moments. Try that after your first orgasm while
masturbating.
• Individual Touch Zones

Some women have very sensitive breasts, particularly the
nipples. Other women are aroused by touch to the inner
thighs, behind the knees, hollow of the throat, or back of
the neck. Ear nibbling drives some women crazy in a
good way and other women crazy in a bad way. Look for
your own unique touch zones after an orgasm, when you
are most sensitive. Run your fingers along these places
and others—or ask your lover to do it. Note what makes
you shiver.
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HIS TOUCH ZONES

Just as you do, he has his own touch zones. You know
where the main one is: the head of his penis. But there
are more touch zones common to all men, and surely
some sensitive places individual to your man. (My lover
craves having his shaved head stroked and his beard
massaged.)
Pay attention to the places where he likes to be touched
both sexually and sensually, and you will teach him to
become a more sensitive lover without saying a word.
The Big H
The head of the penis is his primary touch zone, as the
clitoris is yours. And you knew that. But it’s not all about
the top of the head. Take in the rest of it, especially the
top third. As most women do, you may be ignoring the
corona, the thick ridge separating the head from the
shaft. But it is exquisitely sensitive to touch. Run your
finger repeatedly around the corona. Then swirl your
tongue around it in a move called the “silken swirl,” a
skill refined by Italian courtesans during the Renaissance.
The F Place
The frenulum is that loose section of skin on the
underside of the penis, where the head meets the shaft.
In most men it is highly sensitive to touch. Some men
reach orgasm more quickly if a woman strums the
frenulum with her tongue during fellatio. Another
effective move: When you are holding his penis, run one
thumb up and down the F Place.
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The R Line
The raphe is the visible line along the center of the
scrotum, an area of the male anatomy that women often
overlook. The skin of the scrotum is very sensitive, similar
to a woman’s labia. Gently run your fingertips along the
raphe or lick it occasionally during fellatio. If you are
holding his testicles in one hand while playing with his
penis, use your thumb to stroke the raphe.
The P Zone
The perineum, that area an inch or so in size between the
anus and the base of the scrotum, is more neglected than
the raphe. Rich in nerve endings, the perineum is the
second most important touch zone for some men, right
after the head of the penis. Stroke it lightly; alternate that
with gentle pressure from your thumb and see what
happens.
The Male G-spot

His G-spot is located inside the body behind the
perineum, which is why pressing his perineum feels good.
If he claims he doesn’t have one, tell him you can find it
for him in one of two ways:
 Press the perineum with your thumb or finger. Ask
him if he feels that stimulation inside.
 Insert a finger inside his anus and make that same
come-hither gesture you used to find your own G-
spot. (Be gentle. This is not a prostate exam. Just
remember that many men love G-spot stimulation,
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but some hate it. Don’t take it personally if he is one

of the latter.
Individual Touch Zones

Like women, men have their own individual touch zones,
places of great sensitivity that lie outside the genitals. It’s
really not all about the penis, unless your guy is about
nineteen. Some other sensitive spots include ears, neck,
inner thighs, temples, eyelids, nipples, and buttocks.
When you’re holding him post orgasm, run your fingers
along his body and note his responses. The basic
massage works for any lover, male or female:
 Put a little warm oil in the palm of one hand and rub
your hands together so they are lightly oiled, not
dripping.
 Begin with gliding strokes. Run your hands smoothly

in long strokes that blend seamlessly together over
large areas of his body. Don’t stop to knead, rub, or
fondle.
 Make circular motions with the heels of your hands

from the spine upward. Repeat the strokes to the
sides of the body.
 Knead gently, not with the vigor a masseuse might

use, shoulders and buttocks. Grasp the flesh gently
into your fingers, then push it out. Don’t pummel.
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 Return to the circular motions up from the spine, but

this time use your finger pads to make the circles.
 Use single- or two-finger gliding strokes on his inner

thighs or the back and sides of his neck and, if your
lover isn’t too ticklish, underarms. Now your partner
should turn you over and:
 Glide your hand, first two fingers open in a V up her

breasts, catching her nipple in the V. Kiss her nipple.
 Take her nipple gently between two fingers and

pinch.
 Caress her inner thighs from her knees up. Let your
thumb or fingers graze her vulva as you reach the
top of her thighs. Or turn him over and try the
following
 Repeat the long, gliding strokes on his chest,

stomach, and thighs. Caress his thighs by squeezing
in your hands and rubbing with your thumbs.
 Slowly caress the base of his penis, squeezing the

shaft and massaging the base. Take his penis in one
hand and stroke slowly up and down the shaft with
your thumb or fingers from the other hand. Vary the
pressure. Circle the head of the penis with the flat of
your hand. Now move to your lover’s face
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 Use the single-finger stroke on his face, even the

delicates areas like eyelids and ears. Also run your
finger down his throat.
 Stroke his forehead with the fingers of both hands

from the center to the temples. Press lightly on the
temples.
 Now run your hands in broad, gliding strokes all the

way down his body to his toes.
 Use a combination of gliding, massaging, and circling

strokes back down your lover’s body to his genitals.
Now it’s time for the happy ending. Her happy ending:
 Use light circular motions with your fingertips on her

genital area. Part her labia. Use your fingers to make
long strokes on the outside lips. Then curve one or
two fingers, and use the space between knuckle and
joint to massage lightly her inner and outer lips in a
back-and-forth motion. Massage her labia and work
back to her anus.
 Alternate that stroke with using your thumb or first

finger alone.
 Rotate your fingers around her clitoris, alternating a

clockwise and counterclockwise motion. Stroke down
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with one finger on either side of her clitoris. Rotate.

Stroke down.
 Take her clitoris between two fingers and gently

rotate, if she likes direct clitoral stimulation. But, if
like many women, if she can’t stand the intensity of
that stroke, circle your fingertips above the clitoris
(at the twelve o’clock point). Add the G-spot stroke.
While continuing the twelve o’clock rotation, insert a
finger or two into her vagina and massage her G-
spot. Now circle your fingertip rapidly around her
clitoris as you’re massaging her G-spot. Don’t be
surprised if she “ejaculates”
His happy ending:

 At this point, he probably has an erection. Straddle it,
but don’t insert it. Lower your breasts to his body
and tease his nipples by rubbing yours across his. Or
take your nipples in hand and rub them across his.
 In the straddle position, move down his body so you

end up kneeling between his legs. Take his testicles
between your fingers and thumb gently, one at a
time. Then hold a testicle in the palm of your hand
and tickle it lightly with the pads of your fingers. Now
do the same with the other one.
 Hold the base of his penis in one hand and work your
other hand in a circular fashion to the head. Use the
palm of that hand to caress the head of his penis.
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 As if you were building a fire with his penis as the

stick, use a rolling/rubbing motion, starting at the
base. Roll/rub up to the head and back down to the
base, keeping his penis between your palms. Start
slowly. Increase speed and pressure as he gets close
to orgasm.
 Lean forward so that he ejaculates on your breasts.

To make him come quickly, insert a finger in his anus
and press gently.
Chapter 5-
EJACULATION
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FEMALE EJACULATION
What is female ejaculation?
Female ejaculation can occur due to sexual arousal.
Female ejaculation refers to the expulsion of fluid from a
female’s urethra during orgasm or sexual arousal. The
urethra is the duct that carries urine from the bladder to
the outside of the body. It can happen when a female
becomes sexually aroused, but there is not necessarily an
association with having an orgasm.
There seems to be a great deal of misinformation floating

around about female ejaculation, but the expulsion of
fluid from the urethra is a fairly well-documented
phenomenon. Not only do early sexual texts, including
The Kama Sutra, reference women’s expulsion of fluid
during sex, but the latest research reveals that the
skene’s glands, which are a part of the G-spot and drain
45 | P a g e
into the urethra, are homologous to the prostate gland in

men. Female ejaculation, like male ejaculation, is a
sexually induced reaction that may or may not coincide
with orgasm.
Mainstream porn may tout this “spraying” sensation as
some sort of sideshow trick, but in reality, the fluid
expelled is usually less than a teaspoon in volume and
generally doesn’t squirt across the room. Its contents are
similar to male prostatic fluid, and while some describe it
as sweet tasting, others say that the taste is rather
Subdued
The skene’s glands are embedded in the spongy tissue

that surrounds the urethra between the vagina and the
bladder. It is therefore common for women to feel as
though they have to pee when the G-spot is stimulated
through the vagina or the abdominal wall. Many of us
tense up, contract our pelvic floor muscles, or cease
stimulation altogether in reaction to this sensation,
warding off orgasm entirely.
There are two different types of female ejaculate:

• Squirting fluid. This fluid is usually colorless and
odorless, and it occurs in large quantities.
• Ejaculate fluid. This type more closely resembles
male semen. It is typically thick and appears milky.
Analysis has shown that the fluid contains prostatic acid

phosphatase (PSA). PSA is an enzyme present in male
semen that helps sperm motility.
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In addition, female ejaculate usually contains fructose,

which is a form of sugar. Fructose is also generally
present in male semen where it acts as an energy source
for sperm.
Experts believe that the PSA and fructose present in the
fluid come from the Skene’s glands. Other names for
these glands include the paraurethral glands, Garter’s
duct, and female prostate.
Skene’s glands sit on the front, inside wall of the vagina
near the G-spot. Researchers believe that stimulation
causes these glands to produce PSA and fructose, which
then move into the urethra.
Is it normal and how common is it?

Female ejaculation is perfectly normal, yet people do not
discuss it very often. According to the International
Society for Sexual Medicine, different estimates suggest
that between 10 and 50 percent of women ejaculate
during sex.
Some experts believe that all women experience
ejaculation, but that many do not notice. It is possible
that they are not aware of it because the fluid can flow
backward into the bladder rather than leaving the body.
In an older study that involved 233 women, 14 percent of
participants reported that they ejaculated with all or most
orgasms, while 54 percent said that they had
experienced it at least once.
When the researchers compared urine samples from
before and after orgasm, they found more PSA in the
latter. They concluded that all females create ejaculate
but do not always expel it. Instead, the ejaculate
47 | P a g e
sometimes returns to the bladder, which then passes it

during urination.
What is known is that the experience of female
ejaculation, including the feeling, triggers, and amount of
ejaculate, varies considerably from person to person.
Are there any health benefits?
There is no evidence that female ejaculation has any
health benefits. However, research has found sex itself to
offer several benefits.
During orgasm, the body releases pain-relieving
hormones that can help with back and leg pain,
headaches, and menstrual cramps.
Immediately after climaxing, the body releases hormones
that promote restful sleep. These hormones include
prolactin and oxytocin.
Other health benefits include:
• relieving stress
• boosting the immune system
• protecting against heart disease
• lowering blood pressure
Female ejaculation is perfectly normal, and research
suggests that it may be common despite people rarely
discussing it.
Scientists do not fully understand the biological purpose
of female ejaculation or how it works.
The experience of females who have ejaculated during
sex varies considerably.
Some women are “squirters,” at least some of the time,
most likely with G-spot stimulation. Many Western sex
48 | P a g e
experts dismiss the “ejaculate” as a myth or a gush of

fluid composed of urine and copious vaginal secretions.
There is no question that whatever this fluid that some
women ejaculate, or squirt, upon orgasm is, it is not the
female equivalent of seminal fluid. If not ejaculate, what
is it? Something does happen for many women, though
no one has answered definitively the question: What is it?
Men ejaculate sperm from the testicles via tubes that go
through the prostate gland where the sperm mixes with
seminal fluid. Women do not have a prostate gland. But
in some women there is a collection of several masses of
tissue strung out along the urinary tract, referred to as
the keen gland. This gland produces a fluid that is neither
urine nor vaginal secretions, and it might be the source of
the fluid squirted.
Female ejaculation isn’t exactly a technique. If you want
to try to make it happen, use G-spot stimulation and
don’t hold back when you feel the urge to urinate. (But
don’t try this with a full bladder; relieve yourself before
sex play.)
Wake up your vagina These two sexercises will help to

stimulate the sexual nerve endings in your pelvic region.
They are good for any woman, at any age:
The Sexy Squat

Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and slowly
lower your butt as if you were going to sit in a chair.
Squeeze your PC muscle and muscles in your buttocks as
you rise back up. Do three times daily.
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The Seat
Sit back on your heels and reach your arms forward. Hold
one minute, then sit up and lean back as far as you can,
hands on the floor behind you for support. Hold one
minute. Do three times daily.
Female ejaculation is not a sign of femininity or sexual

responsiveness. Similarly, a wetter reaction does not
necessarily indicate a more enjoyable experience or
greater skills as a lover.
Our culture is patently competitive, but sex shouldn’t be
a competition.
If you want to experiment with ejaculation, try it on

your own first to help reduce the pressure of performance
and embrace your own reaction without focusing on any
particular goal:
Get yourself all riled up in a manner that is familiar and

effective.
Sit back against the headboard with your legs bent and
your feet flat on the mattress.
Curl a finger into your vagina and pull up toward the wall
of your stomach. Press into the upper wall as you feel the
tissue begin to swell.
As you become more aroused, continue to curl your

finger on the inside while you press down on your bladder
50 | P a g e
through the outside of your stomach. This dual

stimulation provides a light squeezing sensation against
the G-spot by internal and external means.
If you feel like your muscles are inclined to bear down as

though you’re forcing air out of your vagina, exaggerate
the feeling and release your pelvic floor muscles.
Breathe deeply and increase the pressure against your G-

spot from both sides.
Embrace your body’s reactions and don’t focus on

ejaculating. If it happens, that’s great! And if not, simply
embrace the experience of exploring your body and
discovering new pleasure zones.
Doing your Kegel exercises on a regular basis will help

you to take control of your sexual and orgasmic response.
Alternate between performing a few sets of medium-
paced squeezes and releases for one minute at a time
and “elevator” Kegels in which you gradually contract
and release as slowly as possible.
MALE EJACULATION
What’s an erection? Why does it happen?
Boner. Wood. Stiffy. Hard-on. There are lots of nicknames
for erections. An erection is when blood flows into your
penis faster than it flows out, and makes the spongy
tissue in your penis swell.
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When you have an erection, your penis gets bigger and

harder. It may stick straight out, or curve up or down.
Erections can happen at any point in your life (even when
you’re a baby). But you start getting erections more often
during puberty.
Erections usually happen when you’re sexually excited
(AKA horny or turned on). But during puberty, it’s
common to get random erections that happen for no
reason at all, like when you’re in math class or doing
something else totally non-sexual. This is called a
spontaneous erection — it’s an erection you get when
you're not sexually turned-on. Spontaneous erections can
feel embarrassing, but they go away if you ignore them.
As you get older, you won’t have these kinds of erections
as much.
It’s common to get erections during the night when
you’re sleeping and when you first wake up — that’s
where the term “morning wood” comes from.
After you ejaculate (cum), an erection goes away and
your penis will get soft again. Some people masturbate
when they have an erection. But an erection will also go
away after a few minutes if you just wait it out.
What’s ejaculation in male ?

When your penis is hard and you get very sexually
excited (turned on), a sticky liquid may shoot out of your
penis — this is called ejaculation. Some slang terms for
ejaculation include: cum or come, jizz, and shooting your
load. Most of the time, ejaculation happens during an
orgasm (a sexual release that feels really good). But it's
possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating. And it's
also possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm.
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The liquid that comes out of your penis during ejaculation

is called semen, ejaculate, or cum. It's not the same
thing as urine (pee). You can’t pee and ejaculate at the
same time — your body blocks pee from coming out
when you’re close to ejaculating. (That’s why it can be
hard to pee if you have an erection.)
Semen (cum) has sperm in it. When sperm gets inside a
vagina, it can cause pregnancy. So if you’re having penis-
in-vagina sex, it’s important to use birth control, like
condoms. Read more about how pregnancy happens.
Sometimes a thin, slippery liquid drips out of your penis
when it’s hard BEFORE ejaculation — this is called pre-
ejaculate or precum. Precum is totally normal. Precum
may have a tiny bit of sperm in it, so it can cause
pregnancy — but this is rare.
There seems to be a considerable amount of
misinformation floating around about ejaculate, its
contents, and the supposed benefits of swallowing. From
“cookbooks” touting semen as a cure-all for disease to
men’s magazines celebrating swallowing as the antidote
to depression, it can be difficult to differentiate between
fact and fantasy. Let’s set the record straight.
Ejaculate is primarily composed of water but also

contains small amounts of fructose, vitamin C,
magnesium, zinc, potassium, and sodium bicarbonate.
Though one load of ejaculate contains over 200 million
sperm, they are so tiny that they account for only
approximately 2 percent of total ejaculate volume. The
amount of semen ejaculated usually increases slightly
with longer periods of abstinence, but on average men
release about a half-teaspoon of fluid at a time.
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The volume of one’s semen is not necessarily an indicator

of virility or fertility but rather how much time has
elapsed since his last ejaculation.
Urologists believe that the taste of semen tends to be

relatively constant, as it contains the requisite
ingredients to support the survival of sperm; however,
anecdotal reports from men and women who have tasted
ejaculate suggest otherwise. Many experienced tasters
believe that eating sweet fruits, vegetables, and herbs
can temper the taste of semen and heighten its sugary
flavor. They also suggest that smoking and ingesting
caffeine and preservatives can result in a more bitter
taste.
Human sperm can live on surfaces until they dry out, but
detergent and soap kill them on contact by stripping
them of their cell membrane. Fresh water also kills sperm
due to the process of osmotic shock, but water cannot be
used to kill sperm in the vagina or reproductive tract.
Chapter 6-
ORGASM
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ORGASM EXPLAINED
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Orgasms, in all their glory, are a central feature of sex.

For many, orgasms are the ultimate sexual indulgence, as
they leave us feeling relaxed, fulfilled, and overwhelmed
with gratification. But part of what makes orgasms so
glorious is the fact that no two are the same. orgasm is
simply a reflex, like a sneeze, but this seems rather
understated, as a sneeze doesn’t overtake your body so
intensely that your center of reasoning and behavior
shuts down in response to a rush of pleasure.
There are some similarities in the ways men and women

experience orgasms. Arousal leads to the engorgement of
blood vessels in his penis just as it leads to the
engorgement of your clitoris and labia.
During orgasm, the blood also rushes back into his body.
He experiences contractions of his penis and surrounding
genital area as pleasurable sensations similar in timing
sequence and length to your orgasm.
But he doesn’t have the capacity for orgasm that you do.
First, a man might get there more reliably than his
woman, but he doesn’t have as many potential paths to
ecstasy as she does.
HER ORGASM
Orgasm is a powerful, pleasurable physical and
psychological response to intense stimulation— usually
genital stimulation. During orgasm the vagina, sphincter,
and uterus contract simultaneously as the blood that has
congested in the vaginal area suddenly rushes back into
the rest of the body. The contractions generally last from
56 | P a g e
three to twenty seconds, with intervals of less than a

second between the first three to six contractions. Within
that standard definition, there’s a lot of room for variation
among individual women—and among each woman’s
different orgasm experiences, depending on her libido,
her partner, and other factors. In fact, women may
experience any of the following:
• Single orgasms lasting a minute or more.
• Postorgasmic contractions (sporadic erotic

aftershocks in the genitals) lasting one or more
minutes.
• Multiple orgasms.
• Extended or whole-body orgasms.
MULTIPLE ORGASMS
Less than a third of women have multiple orgasms, with
fewer experiencing them on a regular basis. It is
theoretically possible for every woman who can have one
orgasm to have multiples. Men need a refractory period,
a respite between ejaculatory orgasms that varies from
less than thirty minutes in young men to more than a day
in older men. The refractory period limits their options
unless they practice Tantra and learn how to experience
orgasm without ejaculating. Some sexologists share the
Eastern belief that male orgasm typically includes
ejaculation, but that men can learn to separate the
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pleasure of the rhythmic contractions from the expulsion

of semen.
If a woman wants to have multiple orgasms, she can
learn how to do so during intercourse, oral, or manual
(including G-spot) stimulation or a combination thereof.
Multiply orgasmic women typically experience more than
one type of orgasm during a lovemaking session. Women
who use the O Loop have a higher than average
incidence of multiple orgasms—53 percent of the original
500 women studied in a research group were able to do
so.
BLENDED MULTIPLE ORGASMS

Some women can only have multiple orgasms when they
receive both clitoral and vaginal stimulation in the area of
the G-spot. Your partner can do that for you if he uses his
fingers to stimulate the front wall of your vagina while
he’s performing cunnilingus, or stimulates your clitoris
during intercourse in a position that gives you G-spot
stimulation.
THE TYPES OF FEMALE ORGASM

There are several types of female orgasms:
• Clitoral, which occurs primarily through stimulation of

the clitoris and surrounding area.
• Vaginal, which occurs primarily through stimulation of

the vagina (including G-spot) and cervix through
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intercourse, masturbation with an internal vibrator, or

manual stimulation.
• Extra-genital, which occurs through stimulation to any

part of the body except the genitals, including breasts,
inner thighs, mouth, throat, neck, or toes.
• Blended, which occurs through more than one form of

stimulation, for example, clitoral stimulation during
intercourse or manual stimulation during cunnilingus.
• Spontaneous (also called a “no-hands” orgasm), in

which women can “think themselves off” or fantasize to
orgasm using no external stimulation; this type of orgasm
is likely to occur while women are flexing the
Nearly all women can reach orgasm via clitoral

stimulation alone. Fewer than a third, and according to
some studies only up to one quarter, reach orgasm via
vaginal stimulation alone. More women can learn how to
do this, especially if they learn the O Loop. Blended
orgasms are probably more common than we realize.
Many women likely report reaching orgasm from one
form of stimulation, typically clitoral, when they were
actually receiving vaginal and perhaps cervical and/or G-
spot stimulation during intercourse at the same time they
were stroking their own clitoris. It’s likely they
experienced a blended orgasm without realizing it.
One to three percent of women, and almost no men, can

reach orgasm without genital stimulation. When it does
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occur, extragenital orgasm usually follows one or more

clitoral or vaginal orgasms. A highly orgasmic woman, for
example, can reach the third, fourth, or fifth orgasm
having her breasts or nipples stroked, sucked, pinched,
pulled, or massaged. Some women at that point can even
come by squeezing their thighs together.
Devotees of the Eastern lovemaking arts are among
those who aren’t satisfied with one or even multiple
orgasms. The want more orgasms or longer orgasms or
orgasms that extend beyond the genitals, sometimes into
the whole body.
THE BIGGER ORGASMS
There are three types of bigger orgasms:
• Extended orgasms, with more contractions that last

longer and might have slightly longer spaces of time
between them.
• Expanded orgasms, with the sensation of orgasm going

beyond the genitals into the pelvic region, buttocks, and
upper thighs.
• Whole-body orgasms, where the sensations of orgasm

are both more intense and diffuse, felt throughout the
body. These are the orgasms that make you feel like the
orgasm is blowing out the top of your head or shooting
out your fingers and toes.
Extended or expanded orgasms are most likely to happen

during masturbation, at least the first time you have
them. Whole-body orgasms are another phenomenon
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altogether. Women who have experienced them often

report that they felt an unusually strong emotional or
spiritual connection to their partner, or were feeling a
particularly sensual connection to their own bodies.
Men rarely are capable of multiple orgasms, but they can
experience extended, expanded, and whole-body
orgasms.
TIPS FOR MAKING HER ORGASMS EASIER

One of the first things you need to do to come more
easily is to realize that your lover wants to be there and
wants to please you. Remember that making you come is
a huge source of pleasure for her. To stay focused and
connected to your body and your partner, try visualizing
what’s happening to you while it’s being done. Pay close
attention to the sensations. Make sure that you are
extremely turned on before you start thinking about
having an orgasm.
Don’t hold your breath. Take deep breaths and picture
the oxygen going into your pelvic area. You want your
body to feel engorged and full of blood.
Clenching your muscles or holding your breath stops
blood flow to the pelvic region.
Use your vibrator during sex. Or stimulate yourself with
your fingers while your partner is fucking you. Fantasize.
Let your mind wander to your nastiest, most taboo
fantasies. They might help push you over the edge. You
can also try visualizing yourself coming—sometimes this
helps us connect to the sensations that create orgasm
TOUCHING BREASTS AND CHESTS
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Everyone loves breasts. We either want ours touched or

we want to touch someone else’s—and often we want
both. Touching her breasts and nipples releases a feel-
good hormone called oxytocin that gets her excited and
ready for sex. If your lover is more masculine, she might
find that having her breasts cupped feels too girly.
Instead, concentrate on playing with her nipples. Pull and
pinch the nipples, roll them between your fingers, grip
her tits firmly, or stroke her chest as if it were flat.
THE CLIT IS IT
You that the clit is oh so much more than the tiny nub
you can feel at the top of her vulva. That nub, however, is
pretty freaking important to her pleasure. It’s actually the
key to her orgasm. You know this. She knows this. When
it’s time, direct your magic toward the clit.
Start by stimulating the rest of her vulva.

Graze her pussy from top to bottom.
Stroke her pubic hair; tease her lips.
her, paying attention to her response.
This teasing will help you discover what types of touch
feel best to her.
The clit is a lot more responsive when a woman is very
aroused.
Going right for the clit before you’ve warmed her up can
feel more uncomfortable than exciting, so begin by
touching it indirectly.
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Rub the side of her clit with the tips of your fingers. You
can also try rubbing across the top of her hood without
pulling it back. Get some lube ready, because you’re
going to want it. No matter how wet she is, everything
feels better with lube. And if you doubt me here, or if lube
is new to you, trust me. Lube not only makes penetration
more comfortable, but it is also an unparalleled sexual
prop. If you teach yourself how and when to use lube—
and you make it a common part of your sex routine—you
will come across as a sexual virtuoso who knows what
women want!
First, cover your hand with lube. Use more than you think
you need. Drizzle some lube on her vulva and make your
hand into a loose, flexible fist. Rub her pussy in an up and
down motion using the back of your knuckles. Using your
hand this way can really help you touch many sensitive
parts of her pussy at the same time. Apply more lube as
you need it. You can keep doing this as long as you’d like;
in fact, this is a great way to bring her to orgasm. Just be
sure to keep to a rhythm and maintain contact with her
vulva.
Check in with her often, and ask her how it feels. Does
she need more direct contact with her clit? Ask!
FINGER MAGIC
Most women can have very intense orgasms from
focused, direct clitoral stimulation. If she is easily
distracted during sex or has trouble reaching orgasm, you
should try focusing all your attention on her clit with only
the tip of your finger.
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Forget fancy moves and penetration. They are awesome,

but this type of clitoral orgasm requires a less-is-more
approach. In fact, the lack of distractions is what makes
this a particularly good method to help a problem
orgasmer come like crazy.
You can lie beside her or sit between her spread legs. You
can also try lying side by side or behind her. Just find a
comfortable position that allows you easy access to her
clit. You might be in this position for a while, so make
sure you are comfortable.
Start by warming her up in whatever way you usually
warm her up. Apply lube to your fingers and stroke her
clit lightly until you feel it become more erect and move
out from under the clitoral hood.
Talk to her, hold her, tease her, or make eye contact to
help your bodies connect and begin to vibe off of one
another. As you warm each other up, the whole space
around you will start to feel even sexier, even hotter.
SMALL CIRCLES
Once she’s ready, begin stroking her clit in small, tight
circles using your index or middle finger. Your goal is to
stick to one finger, one rhythm, and one move. If she
knows that you aren’t going to switch things up at the
last minute, she can better relax into the sensations.
Focus your attention on the upper portions of her clit, just
slightly off center. If her clit were a clock, you’d want to
focus on caressing her at about 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock.
Keep making small circles with the tip of your finger,
paying attention to the feeling of her clit as you move
around it. Stay focused. Do not break contact with her
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clit. Keep moving your finger around her clit in slow,

careful, precise circles. Each time you hit the upper area,
slow down just a fraction and apply a tiny bit more
pressure. It’s as if you are just giving that spot the tiniest
bit of extra attention.
As she nears orgasm, her clit will further swell and
harden. This is a good sign. When you feel this happen
you can expand the circle you’ve been making around
her clit by just a small amount. As she gets closer she
may also become more sensitive and expanding the
circle will keep you from stroking too hard or too directly
on her extremely sensitive clit. Concentrate. Don’t lose
focus. Don’t contact. Don’t stop if you can help it. Just
keep circling her clit with the tip of your finger. Try and
keep your finger moving at the same speed. Anything you
change will distract her and you’ll have to let the tension
build back up. worry; she’s going to come. Eighty percent
of women will come after fifteen minutes of direct clitoral
stimulation, and 90 percent of women will come after
twenty minutes of direct stimulation. Keep circling as her
orgasm begins to peak. To avoid stopping too soon, keep
going without breaking contact until she pushes your
hand away.
You know how straight guys are afraid to have anal sex
because they think it’ll turn them gay? Well, guess what?
You’re already gay! You get to have as much anal sex as
you want. Many women have their most intense orgasms
from anal sex, especially when it’s combined with oral
sex or a vibrator on the clit. All it takes to enjoy anal sex
is a bath and an open mind. You know what they say: free
your mind and your ass will follow!
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BREAST ORGASMS
Breasts are often at the forefront of sex play—and for
good reason! Not only are they soft, round, and beautiful
to look at, but they are a primary source of pleasure for
many women and men.
In fact, some women can actually reach orgasm from
breast and nipple stimulation alone! This may be
attributable to the fact that the genital sensory cortex in
the brain, which is the same region impacted by
stimulation of the vagina and clitoris, is activated through
nipple play.
Scientists hypothesize that these shared neurons release

oxytocin, which induces pleasure and relaxation and
spikes to peak levels just before orgasm.
But the nipples are not the only sensitive part of the
breast. Many women pinpoint the area right above the
areola as the most responsive to sexual touch. And the
breasts change considerably during arousal, increasing
(temporarily) in size and sensitivity. Ask her to show you
how she likes to be touched at various points in her
arousal cycle, or put these tried-and-true techniques to
the test:
Tips to touching the breast

Start on the outer edges of the breasts using the backs of
your fingers and circle your way slowly into the center.
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Roll her nipples as lightly as possible between your

thumb and index finger.
Prime her for a night of passion using nothing but your

breath. Tease her nipples gently until she’s begging for
you to suck them into your warm, supple mouth.
If she is sitting upright, curl your tongue under the soft

fold on the underside of her breasts as you trickle your
fingers along the sides.
Tell her how much you love them! Genuine compliments

are food for the sexual soul: “Your tits are perfect. I can’t
get enough of them. I want to spray my hot come all over
them!”
Nibble on her nipples as she approaches orgasm. Her

pain thresholds can double at this point in the arousal
cycle, and the overlap between, pleasure and pain
responses in the brain can heighten her orgasmic
awareness.
Slide your lips over her nipple and twirl your tongue
gently around her areola while you cup her breasts from
below.
Pinch and release her nipples every half second right

before she comes. Squeeze her breasts gently together
as you run your face, nose, and tongue between them.
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Encircle her nipples with ice cubes or popsicles as you lick

up the tasty mess.
THE MALE ORGASM

The male orgasm is often viewed as simple and
straightforward, as it tends to coincide with the
observable physiological response of ejaculation. For
most men, direct stimulation of the penis takes them over
the edge, and they experience a post-climax refractory
period that can last from a few minutes to a few days,
depending on their age and health. However, men’s
orgasms can also be varied and complex, and some men
reach the heights of pleasure through dreams, prostate
stimulation, and B-spot play with or without ejaculation.
Men’s experiences of orgasm vary considerably, and

there is no right way to reach climax. You do not have to
attempt or embrace every approach to orgasm to have a
hot sex life, but broadening your horizons and
experimenting with new techniques can be enriching and
even transform your relationship with your body.
Although women often talk about their struggles and
confusion with orgasm, we often assume that male
orgasm is both easy and inevitable. However, for many
men, this is simply not the case. Just like women, men
can also face
challenges in reaching orgasm for a range psychological
and physiological reasons. Stress, distraction, alcohol
consumption and medication are just a few factors that
can impede orgasm.
During orgasm, the brain and body undergo a powerful
eruption of activity as a wave of pleasure spreads across
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his body. Orgasmic contractions can be felt in his pelvic

region, and these are often related to ejaculation. The
build-up of pleasant tension is related to the pressure in
the prostatic sphincters, and the pulsing sensations are a
result of smooth muscle contraction in the testes, seminal
vesicles, and prostate. Men usually experience two sets
of contractions: The first transports the semen from the
testes to the section of urethra below the prostate, and
the second involves a release of the sphincter valves to
expel the fluid. At the same time, the internal sphincter of
the urinary bladder closes to prevent urine from mixing
with the semen.
HOW MEN REACH ORGASM

Generally, men reach orgasm in one of three ways:
• Stimulation of the head of the penis during intercourse.
• The up/down movement of the shaft during

masturbation or manual manipulation by his lover.
• Fellatio, which only need be focused on the first third of

the penis to get results.
Many men can also reach orgasm by stimulation of the

perineum, that little patch between the anus and the
base
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of the testicles.
Stroke his perineum during sex play. If he is responsive,
come back there later—and if not, skip this section.
(Perineum massage makes some men crazy, but it has
little effect on others and leaves many confused.
A few are even repulsed by it, fearing response to that

type of stimulation would call into question their sexual
orientation.)
Excite him to the point of orgasm via oral and manual
stimulation to his genitals. (Don’t neglect the testicles.)
Stop the stimulation. Repeat.
When you notice him on the brink of explosion, hold his
thighs apart and lower your mouth to his perineum. Flick
your tongue rapidly back and forth across that area.
Now press your thumb lightly against his perineum—
gauging the pressure by his response—as you continue
flicking your tongue.
(Does he like anal play? You can insert a well-lubed finger
into his anus and stroke the perineum from inside.) A
perineum orgasm can send powerful vibrations
throughout his body.
HOW TO INFLUNCE HIS ORGASMS
Beyond differences in how they reach orgasm, men have

that refractory period—but you don’t. The female
capacity for orgasm is much greater than the male’s. You
can roll from one orgasm into another without a breather
while he has to wait to get hard again. Also, you can
influence his orgasm more effectively than he can
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influence yours—if you have a strong PC muscle and you

know what you’re doing. The trajectory of male arousal to
orgasm is more straightforward than women’s. Think of it
as a line that you can shorten or lengthen. Men like to
think that they “give” us orgasms, but they rarely do. By
manipulating intercourse positions to get the stimulation
we need, by strengthening and using our PC muscle, by
using our hands.
we take what we need for ourselves. But we can still
(almost always) make him come when we want him to
come and last longer when we want that. Timing is a key
element in good sex; and you have more control over
that than he does.
PINCH OR BITE HIS NIPPLE AT THE MOMENT OF

ORGASM
Make a dramatic pause just as he is ready to come. If
he’s on top, grab his buttocks at the moment of orgasm,
use your PC muscles to pull him in a little deeper. Make
eye contact with him at the same time. Then pinch or bite
his nipple at the moment of orgasm YOU are in charge.
Let’s blow up that Sleeping Beauty myth (in which she
can’t wake up from her erotic slumber without his help).
Your orgasm is not dependent on him. And you can
influence his orgasm by delaying it or bringing it on and
intensifying the experience. Make him feel like the one
who was asleep until you came along.
Never doubt your erotic capacity or power, even if
orgasm has been, until now, problematic for you. In the
next chapter, you will learn a revolutionary technique
that will give you an orgasm any time, every time. A
woman who can take charge of her orgasm and his is
powerful, indeed.
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Make him come when you want him to come

Pay attention to the subtle signs that he is close to the
point of ejaculation—the signs are different in every man.
But every man does something in exactly the same way
before every orgasm. For instance, he might:
• Hold his breath

• Breathe with more intensity
• Make a certain sound—a grunt, cry exclamation—or go
silent
Now that you know how to spot his, you can trigger it one
of these moves:
• Stimulate his G-spot with your thumb or finger pressed

gently on his perineum.
• Insert a well-lubed finger inside his anus to stimulate
the G-spot from inside—but only if he is comfortable with
having that done.
Make him last longer when you aren’t ready for

him to come
Sometimes you both want the period of thrusting to last
longer. Here are three techniques to keep things from
ending too quickly:
The Squeeze Technique
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Masters and Johnson modeled their squeeze technique on

a more elegant Taoist version, but the squeeze is simpler
and just as effective. Ask him to pull out when he feels
ejaculation is imminent but not inevitable. Lightly
squeeze the head of his penis for several seconds.
Resume intercourse. You can repeat the technique two or
three times if necessary.
Alternating Stimuli—or Stop/Start

At a peak of high arousal, ask him to stop thrusting and
make love to you manually or orally. By alternating
intercourse with other forms of lovemaking, most men
can sustain erection longer.
Get on Top
The female superior position is the best one for
controlling thrusting. Lower yourself on to only the head
of his penis and pull back. Tease and taunt. Hold his
hands over his head and run your tongue all over his
body. Take the attention off his penis until his arousal
subsides somewhat. Then mount him again.
Be his sex coach:

Help him take your orgasm higher Men learn fast if you
teach the lesson while you’re both highly aroused. Don’t
ask, breathlessly beg for what you want right then. Here
are some suggestions:
• Ask him to pinch your nipples as you come if your

nipples are sensitive.
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• Kiss him with your eyes wide open as you’re coming. If

his eyes are closed, gently open one with a fingertip or
ask him to open his eyes.
• Speak to him the way you want him to talk in bed. If
you like rough talk, say, “, how hard you’re going to fuck
me.” And if tender endearments are more to your taste,
ask him to tell you how beautiful you are or how much he
wants you. When you’re near orgasm via cunnilingus,
take his hand and put it inside your vagina, and guide
him to your G-spot. Actively move against his fingers
inside you so that you get the stimulation you need—and
he sees how to give it to you.
PROSTATE ORGASMS
The prostate gland is located right next to your rectum,
just beyond the anal canal. You may have heard that it is
located inside of your butt, but it’s actually a friendly
neighbor that rests against the sensitive front of the
rectal wall. It is round and somewhat conical in shape and
sits in the pelvic cavity between the bladder and the
pelvic floor. Responsible for secreting a slightly alkaline
fluid that helps to carry and support sperm, for many
men, this responsive gland is also a source of undeniable
sexual pleasure. Often referred to as the male G-spot, its
muscular and glandular tissue surrounds the urethra and
swells during arousal like its female counterpart.
To stimulate the prostate gland externally, you can

access it through your perineum. Since the sling of
muscles along the pelvic floor are relatively thick, you’ll
need to use considerable pressure to really access this
hot spot. Try putting a bit of lube on your hands and
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pressing your index, middle, and ring fingers in a firm

curving motion just in front of the anal opening.
Alternatively, you can awaken the prostate using a deep
pulsing sensation by slowly pressing and
releasing with your flat hand against the full length of the
perineum.
Since the prostate sits against the sensitive rectal wall,
internal stimulation, or “milking,” can be highly
pleasurable.
To find this hot spot, lie back with your knees pulled into
your chest and your legs spread open. Your lover can
kneel between your legs and begin with a sensuous
external massage to get you primed and then slide a
lubed finger into your bum. As she curls it up toward the
anterior wall (in the direction of your stomach), she may
feel the gland swell with arousal. Try these other tips for
internally massaging the prostate:
Curl two fingers up toward the stomach in a slow, “come

hither” motion.
Slide a finger back and forth from left to right in a

cupping motion.
Pulse two fingers against the prostate gland in rhythm

with stroking the penis.
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Use a lubed up anal toy like the Aneros to trace slow

ovals over the prostate.
Stroke the shaft of his cock while simultaneously curling

one finger against his prostate in rhythm with your
strokes.
If it is your first time experimenting with anal penetration

and internal prostate stimulation, you might feel
awkward, tender, or uncomfortable. As you learn to relax
your sphincter muscles and become acquainted with your
unique reactions, the sensations may become more
pleasurable. Many men prefer to have their prostates
touched once they’re already turned on, as they’re more
relaxed and less inhibited. For those who enjoy prostate
massage, they often describe the erotic sensations
MULTIPLE ORGASMS FOR MEN

Successive orgasms can make great sex even hotter, and
both women and men are capable of
enjoying multiples.
For Men
Since most men experience a refractory period after they
come, dry orgasms may be the best approach to male
multiples. Without ejaculation, you can maintain peak
arousal levels after orgasm without losing your erection.
Learning to have multiple orgasms through dry climaxes
takes time, practice, and patience, so do not worry if you
are not able to control your physical reactions from the
onset. It can take weeks, months, or even
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longer, and the process should be pleasurable and

enlightening as opposed to pressure-laden and
frustrating.
Each man’s personal journey toward multiple orgasms is

unique, so the following suggestions are merely
guidelines that you can tweak according to your specific
reactions, needs, and experiences:
Do your Kegel exercises and squats regularly Pelvic floor

muscle tone is of paramount importance if you want to
learn to control ejaculation and intensify orgasms.
Practice controlled breathing in a variety of situations,

including nonsexual scenarios. Deep and rhythmic
breathing during sex helps to manage our physiological
response to sexual stimuli, but most of us hold our breath
or take shallow puffs as arousal peaks.
Get to know your body’s response to a variety of

stimulation techniques beyond simple stroking and
thrusting of your penis. Pay specific attention to the high
point of arousal just before orgasm so that you can
identify how your mind, body, genitals, and skin react.
When you reach the highest point of the plateau stage

just before orgasm, stop what you’re doing and stay still.
Squeeze your pelvic floor muscle while pressing firmly
into the area of your perineum just in front of your anus
to stimulate your prostate. Breathe deeply and allow the
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prostatic contractions and orgasmic sensations to travel

throughout your body.
When your orgasmic contractions cease, release your

pelvic floor muscle and take a few deep breaths before
resuming stimulation.
For Women
Some women have several orgasms in a row without
reverting to the early stages of sexual arousal, and others
have a series of less intense orgasms culminating in a
more powerful climax.
Some have orgasms that are considerably spaced out,
and others report that they enjoy alternating between
orgasms generated from clitoral stroking and those that
originate from G-spot pressure.
There is no comprehensive formula to enjoying multiples,
but these approaches will enhance your sexual
experience regardless of how many times you climax:
After orgasm, your clitoris can become hypersensitive, so
most women avoid direct stimulation. However, some
women say that if you push through and embrace the
seemingly unbearable overstimulation, your pleasure will
build back up quickly, resulting in a subsequent orgasm.
As you orgasm, you experience muscular contractions
accompanied by heightened sensation throughout your
body. Pulse your hand against your entire vulva, G-spot,
or clitoral head (depending on your primary source of
pleasure) in between each contraction and squeeze your
thighs together to prolong the contractions and carry you
to the next wave of orgasmic bliss. When you reach
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orgasm, breathe as slowly and deeply as possible while

contracting your pelvic floor muscle. Some women report
that this technique makes the orgasmic sensations last
longer.
Change up your technique after orgasm. If your first

orgasm occurs as a result of clitoral stimulation, give this
area a break and switch to G-Spot, breast, or anal play.
Since you’ll already be highly aroused, you don’t have to
start from scratch and can experience successive
orgasms that feel entirely different than those that
preceded them.
SIMULTANEOUS ORGASMS
Coming together can be an intimate and intense bonding
experience that many couples stumble upon by chance.
Though often associated with feelings of closeness,
reaching orgasm at the same time is not a particularly
common occurrence. This is because each of our bodies
responds at a different pace, making it impossible to be
consistently in synch with a lover. Just as you cannot
possibly digest food, pump blood, or lose weight at the
same rate as your partner, you also cannot expect your
orgasmic responses to line up perfectly each and every
time.
Despite the fact that simultaneous orgasms don’t often

occur naturally, there are some techniques you can
employ to get your arousal in synch and increase your
chances of reaching climax around the same time:
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Breathe in rhythm with one another to deepen your

connection and synchronize the movements
of your bodies. Learn to control your sexual response. If
you tend to reach orgasm before your partner, slow your
response through breath work, pelvic floor squeezes,
positional changes, or varied techniques. For example,
men who come more quickly might benefit from a
shallow-penetration position like the T-Bone (see page
96), whereas
women who orgasm with great speed might be able to
slow things down by switching from direct clitoral
stimulation to vaginal penetration.
Slow down! Sex is not a race, but many of us treat

orgasms as though they are the ultimate finish line. Take
your time to enjoy the journey.
Masturbate! Self-pleasure before a sex session can help

you to control your orgasmic response, allowing a partner
who moves at a more leisurely pace to catch up.
Make eye contact. Gazing into your lover’s eyes not only
deepens the intimate connection, but it can also help you
to gauge when orgasm is impending.
Talk to one another. Let your lover know if you’re close to

orgasm with some practical dirty talk:
“I’m going to come soon,” “I’m getting close,” or “Get
ready for my come!”
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FAKING ORGASM
Faking orgasms is a common sexual practice, with most
women (and some men) putting on Oscar-worthy
performances at some point in their lives. And apparently
male partners are none the wiser. The National Survey of
Sexual Health and Behavior found that 85 percent of men
believed that their female partners achieved orgasm
during their last sex session. But only 64 percent of
women reported that they had. Talk about a gender gap.
Our reasons for faking it vary from the obvious well-
intentioned ego-stroking to the utilitarian need to “get it
over with already.” However, faking it is bad education
and reinforces less-than-stellar approaches to pleasure.
Sex is supposed to be one of those things you do because
it feels good—not because you feel pressure to do
Chapter 7-
EROGENOUS ZONES
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An erogenous zone is an area of the human body that

has heightened sensitivity, which, when stimulated, may
create a sexual response such as relaxation, thoughts of
sexual fantasies, sexual arousal and orgasm
UNCOVER HER EROGENOUS ZONES

Erogenous zones are hot spots on the body that tend to
be highly responsive to sexual touch. In reality, the whole
body is a massive, potential erogenous zone, but there
are some areas that tend to be especially reactive when
stimulated.
Her breasts and genitals may be the most obvious areas,
but if you take some time to explore the erotic
wonderland of her body, you’ll discover that you can
82 | P a g e
make her squirm, moan, and beg for more by kissing and
caressing her sexy body parts that are often deprived of
affection. As you explore the many regions of her
beautiful body, experiment with different strokes,
touches, kisses, and breaths, gradually increasing the
pressure and tempo as her arousal heightens.
Play with the following erogenous zones to see which

ones she responds to and revisit them every so often to
see how her interpretations of pleasure change over time.
Ears
Not only are her ears sensitive to the sound of your voice
and the flick of your tongue, but the anticipation of your
kiss can send shivers down her spine. Breathe very gently
over the sides of her neck and ears before circling your
tongue around the edges.
Collarbone
The clavicle and the shallow grooves above it can be
highly responsive to light touch. The small depressions
below it are considered acupressure points that trigger
relaxation to facilitate sexual response. Run the pads of
your fingers over the bone and your tongue along the
underside before making your way to her breasts.
Suprasternal Notch
Also known as the jugular notch, this is the triangular dip
at the base of her neck centered above her collarbone. It
is considered an erogenous zone for both its sensual
appearance and hypersensitivity. Since it overlies her
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airway, you’ll want to take caution to kiss her gently as

you swivel your tongue around the indentation.
Philtrum
From the Latin for love potion, this small groove above
the center of her lips has long been considered an
erogenous zone. Plant the softest kiss possible on this
area before running your tongue along the line of her
upper lip, known as cupid’s bow.
Lower Back
Some women say that their lower back is the most
sensitive area of their body, and a handful report that
tickling this area can result in intense arousal and even
orgasmic sensations. Sweep your palms in wide circular
motions over her lower back to prime her for some
playful hip grabbing and primal thrusting.
Crook of Her Elbow

This thin-skinned region is the division between the
friend-zone of the upper arm and lover’s lane, the lower
arm leading down to her fingertips. Slide your finger
against it seductively while out for dinner as you look her
in the eye or hold her down by her inner elbows while she
is screaming with pleasure.
Backs of Her Knees

Make her weak in the knees and tingly in all the right
places by awakening this sensitive zone with a
featherlight touch. Trace figure-eight patterns over this
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thin-skinned patch with a silk scarf or small feather while

blowing gentle kisses between her thighs from behind.
Ankles
Just below the anklebone on the inside of the foot, you’ll
find a hollowing that is considered a reflexology point
connected to her vagina. While performing cunnilingus,
reach down and circle your thumb around this area to
activate its sexual reflex.
Eyelids
The area around her eyes likely receives little in the way
of sexual attention, but her eyelids and the soft pads
beneath her eyes can be highly responsive to gentle
touch. With nerves very close to the surface and thin skin
without significant subcutaneous fat (similar to that of the
scrotum), the eyelids seem to be designed for pleasure.
Flutter your lashes teasingly against hers or swipe your
fingers gently across her lids to encourage her to relax
and take in the sensations of pleasure.
Bellybutton
The positioning of her navel in proximity to her mons,
coupled with the density of nerve endings in the region,
makes this sensitive indentation a common erogenous
zone. Some women say they experience sensations in
their clitoris through the bellybutton, which may be
attributable to a nerve pathway that connects it to the
spine through the pelvic region. Spiral your tongue
85 | P a g e
around its perimeter before sliding it in and sucking

gently with your lips against her tummy.
Pucker
The sensitive bum hole (anus) is highly erogenous for
many women and men. Rich in nerve endings, it is
reactive both to light touch and heavy pressure. (I cover
this erotic hot spot in greater depth in Chapter 6
WOMAN COMPLETE BODY
86 | P a g e
PERSONAL PLEASURE MAP

Every woman’s path to personal pleasure is unique and
winding, so draw him a map to help guide the way. Use
the diagram at right to highlight the areas you experience
as erogenous to express both where and how you enjoy
being stimulated. Taking time to explore your body can
help reveal new and sometimes surprising pathways to
87 | P a g e
pleasure. We often assume that the breasts and genitals

are our exclusive or primary sources of sexual pleasure,
but the reality is that the experience of arousal and
orgasm can occur from a range of sources. If you don’t
have the time or patience to slowly caress your entire
body and take note of specific sensations, try breaking
each section down into a single session.
Consider repeating this exercise periodically to observe
the ways in which your body’s unique experiences of
pleasure change over time.
Color each area according to your preferences:
Yellow indicates you enjoy a soft, gentle caress or kiss of

the area.
Blue suggests that you prefer a firm touch or fondle.
Green demarcates the regions where you like a wetter,

deeper kiss.
Purple shows the spots that desire … (You fill in the

blank.)
Red areas are off-limits to all touch.
88 | P a g e
ALL ABOUT HIM

The penis is a central feature of all things sexual and is
often revered as a symbol of virility. But male sexuality is
not limited to this one region—as wonderful as it may be.
Men also derive pleasure from a range of erogenous
zones, and full-body orgasms usually require that you pay
attention to these oft-neglected pleasure spots.
We often conclude that a hard penis is a sure-fire sign of
arousal, but it is possible to get an erection in an
unaroused state, and the absence of an erection is not
necessarily a sign of disinterest. The body works in
mysterious ways and there are many factors that affect
erections.
PENIS, PROSTATE, AND BALLS.

The penis is a sensitive organ, and it varies greatly from
man to man in terms of shape, size, curve, color, and
thickness. Though you’ve handled your equipment
innumerable times over your lifetime, have you ever
stopped to examine it?
Sure you know what feels good, but experiment with
varying touch (and kiss and tongue) techniques to find
out what really tickles your fancy.
The shaft, which extends from the base just above the
scrotum, is connected to the head and gets hard as the
two tubular structures (corpora cavernosa) within it fill
with blood during erection.
89 | P a g e
The head bulges with sensitivity and nerves at the very

top of the shaft. Its swollen appearance is a result of the
widening of the spongy tissue of the corpus spongiosum
that surrounds the urethra.
The urethral meatus is the hole at the top of the head

through which urine and ejaculate are expelled (though
not at the same time).
The frenulum is one of the most important pleasure spots

on the entire male body. This small notch of connective
tissue on the underside of the shaft just below the head
attaches the foreskin to the penis.
The corona is the swollen ridge of tissue that surrounds

the base of the head. A highly sensitive area, some
evolutionary psychologists theorize that this bulge is
designed to expunge the sperm of other men or sexual
rivals.
The foreskin is the double layer of protective skin that is

sometimes removed when the man is still a baby through
a process called circumcision.
The prostate is often compared to the female G-spot and

is located between the bladder and the pelvic floor
against the front wall of his anus. Composed of smooth
muscle fibers, tissue, tubes, and glands, it produces the
milky white fluid that helps to carry and sustain sperm.
90 | P a g e
The testes are contained within the scrotal sac, which

hangs below the body at a temperature of one or two
degrees cooler than regular body temperature to
promote sperm production. The scrotum is comprised of
thin, soft muscles, and each testicle is connected to a
spermatic cord.
DOES SIZE MATTER?

Yes. But not in the way you might think.
Size matters—but mostly in terms of finding the right fit,
and bigger is not necessarily better. In fact, though a
longer penis may afford you greater bragging rights in
the locker room, it can actually be a mixed blessing in the
bedroom. Some of us have longer vaginas and some of us
have shorter ones, but the vast majority of women report
being perfectly satisfied with their partner’s size. When it
comes to pleasure, women say they’re more likely to
prefer a wider penis to a longer one. This is no surprise
given that the length of the average vagina is shorter
than that of the average penis.
HIS EROGENOUS ZONES

We often reduce male pleasure to the penis and assume
that anything goes when it comes to sexually satisfying a
man, but nothing could be further from the truth. Men are
highly sexual beings with unique personal tastes, and you
can discover new pleasure zones and techniques at any
age. As you experiment with new erogenous zones, cover
his eyes with a blindfold to heighten his physical
experience through sensory deprivation.
91 | P a g e
Perineum
This stretch of skin between the balls and the anus may
be the hottest spot on his body. Not only can you
massage his inner penis through his perineum (also
known as the “taint” and “gooch”), but sweeping your
hands over it
during orgasm can produce a rush of pleasure
throughout his body as his prostate responds to your firm
touch.
Raphe
This is the dividing line that runs all the way from the
anus to the tip of his cock, passing over the perineum,
scrotum, and shaft. Stick your tongue all the way out and
trace it over this supersensitive spot to tease him into
your mouth.
Treasure Trail
The space between his belly button and his pubic mound
is highly sensitive to light touch, and its proximity to his
pelvic region encourages blood flow to all the right
places. Tongue a line down his lower abs to the top of his
pubic mound and then trace the outline of his cock with
your tongue.
Nipples
Women’s nipples tend to get a lot of attention since
they’re at the center of their breasts, but this area can
have orgasmic potential in men, too! Twirl your tongue
around this sensitive spot during foreplay or nibble
92 | P a g e
playfully on them while he’s coming to spread his

orgasmic sensations from his genitals to his chest.
Ankles
Reflexologists consider the indentations below the inner
and outer ankles to be sources of stimulation for the
penis, prostate, and testes. Clasp his lower ankles
between your thumbs and middle fingers while in the 69
position, or offer him a foot rub to help him unwind after
a long hard day.
Inner Thighs
The complex intersection of nerve endings in this area
coupled with the anticipation built as you near his penis
make the inner thighs a top erogenous zone for most
men. Touch him between his legs when out in public,
allowing the back of your hand to briefly brush against his
cock. Trickle your fingertips from the top of his knee up to
the apex of his thighs while you suck him into your mouth
later that night.
Shoulders
The pressure points in the middle of the tendons on
either side of his neck often hold tension that can inhibit
both his physical and subjective sexual response. Help
him to relax and get his head into the game by gently
kneading your thumbs in circular motions around this
tender area.
PERSONAL PLEASURE MAP
93 | P a g e
Traditional body mapping research involves recognizing

areas of the body in which emotions are felt and
processed. Finnish researchers have found that when
asked to describe where they experienced different
emotions in their bodies, participants’ responses are fairly
constant—even across cultures. For example, happiness
creates feelings across the entire body whereas fear
activates feelings in the chest. Since sex involves both
physical and emotional responses, mapping your
pleasure out for both you and your partner can enhance
the experience in both your body and mind.
Over the years, you’ve gotten to know your body better
than anyone else ever will, so show off that knowledge
and show her exactly how and where you like to be
touched. Use the diagram below as a personal pleasure
map, and feel free to make changes or redo this exercise
a few times per year as your tastes and reactions change.
94 | P a g e
MENS PLEASURE MAN
95 | P a g e
Color each area according to your preferences:
Yellow indicates you enjoy a soft, gentle caress or kiss of

the area.
Blue suggests that you prefer a firm touch or fondle.
Green demarcates the regions where you like a wetter,

deeper kiss.
Purple shows the spots that desire … (You fill in the

blank.)
Red areas are off-limits to all touch.
96 | P a g e
CONCLUSION
Now that you’ve worked your way to the very end of Sex
Dymistify (hopefully with a few sexual stops along the
way), you probably feel quite well versed in both the art
and science of sexual pleasure. But your journey has just
begun! Sex is as much a process as an experience, and in
both respect, it is constantly evolving. Even after you’ve
mastered the most advanced moves and positions, you’ll
continue to discover new permutations that elevate your
orgasms to new heights. And as you cultivate a deep
connection with your lover and build your sexual self-
esteem, you’ll observe fluctuations in these levels over
time. This, of course, is all a part of the process that
makes sex exciting, appealing, and fulfilling.
I encourage you to revisit some of the content of this
ebook from time to time to help map your own sexual
journey and uncover new interpretations of pleasure.
What comes easily to you today may take more effort in
the future, and you’re likely to find that your reactions to
different techniques and positions change with time.
Embracing these changes not only improves the quality
of your sex life but also enriches your sexual journey by
heightening the authenticity of every experience.
Once again, I’d like to express to you my deep
appreciation for including me in this journey and I wish
you a lifetime of happy beginnings, middles, and endings
97 | P a g e

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SEX DEMYSTIFIED- Take your sex life from good to amazing

The purpose of this ebook is to educate. The author and

Chapter 2 – Seductions ...................................................................... 16

Chapter 3 – Foreplay .......................................................................... 22

Chapter 4 – Using your body knowledge-Touch zone exploration............... 29

Chapter 5 – Ejaculation ....................................................................... 39

Chapter 6 – Orgasm ............................................................................ 48

Chapter 7– Erogenous Zones................................................................ 72

His personal pleasure map ................................................................... 83

Good sex books help us gain sexual knowledge and have

Sex is what separates lovers from friends. It fulfills our

increases our feelings of fulfillment. Hot sex also

Sex is an important factor in your life

Stronger immune system

In a study of immunity in people in romantic

How sex benefits all genders

One study found that men who averaged having 4.6 to 7

The act of sex can help strengthen your pelvic floor. A

pain during sex and reduced chance of a vaginal

How can sex benefit your mental health?

Frequent sexual activity, whether with a partner or alone,

What are the benefits of masturbation?

 treatment for sexual dysfunction

Celibacy and abstinence

Your brain on sex

emotion, as well as the area that manages muscle

Brain studies also explain why sex is so pleasurable from

Just because you’re naked doesn’t mean you don’t need

1. Check in with your partner. How does she feel? Is she

2. Don’t push. Everyone gets to choose his or her own

3. Pay attention. Don’t lose yourself in one activity. There

4. Relax and take a break from time to time. Sometimes

5. Have a sense of humor. Sex is funny. It looks weird. It

6. Make your hookup feel special. Give compliments. Say

7. It’s great to be on top, but don’t boss anyone around.

8. This really shouldn’t have to be said, but I’ll say it

make your lover crave you

flourish into sexual pleasure without the other, and both

Whether you’ve been lovers for five months or five years

Here are a few strategies to make your lover ache for

Be playful! Tap into your inner child. Studies suggest

Brush up on your skills. Even if you are the best lover

lady/gentleman in the street but a freak in the sheets is a

Maintain separate interests, hobbies, and social

Take on multiple personalities in bed. Being a

Indulge your lover in her fantasies. If she fantasizes

her car, tease her with tidbits of this fantasy during

Encourage your honey to cheat . . . but only in his

Talk dirty. This is the ultimate sexual skill, and it is most

Play the bad boy (or girl) once in a while. Research

Cuddle naked. The connection fostered through skin-to-

Wear red. This is an easy one and the attraction to color

HOW TO GET IN THE MOOD (AND STAY THERE)

We often assume that attraction and arousal are physical.

Relax. Take time to relax your mind and body before

Just breathe. Practice slow and purposeful breathing,

Be dismissive. Allow the thoughts to flow in and out of

Foreplay, or as most women call it, “the entire point of

As long as consent is involved, there’s no right or wrong

Some classic foreplay faves include:

On top of that, you can also focus on specific body parts,

Again, the fun of it is all in taking the pressure off

THE ART OF FLIRTATION