When Tempers Flare

Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Are there days when you feel like you just wake up angry?

Some of it may be the changes your body's going through: All those hormones you hear so much about
can cause mood swings and confused emotions. Some of it may be stress: People who are under a lot of
pressure tend to get angry more easily. Part of it may be your personality: You may be someone who
feels your emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control. And part of it may be your role
models: Maybe you've seen other people in your family blow a fuse when they're mad.

No matter what pushes your buttons, one thing is certain — you're sure to get angry sometimes.
Everyone does. Anger is a normal emotion, and there's nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is
how we handle it (and ourselves) when we're angry.

Tools to Tame a Temper: Self-Awareness & Self-Control

Because anger can be powerful, managing it is sometimes challenging. It takes plenty of self-awareness
and self-control to manage angry feelings. And these skills take time to develop.

Self-awareness is the ability to notice what you're feeling and thinking, and why. Little kids aren't very
aware of what they feel, they just act it out in their behavior. That's why you see them having tantrums
when they're mad. But teens have the mental ability to be self-aware. When you get angry, take a
moment to notice what you're feeling and thinking.

Self-control is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between
feeling a strong emotion and taking an action you'll regret.

Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to have more choice about how to act when you're
feeling an intense emotion like anger.

Getting Ready to Make a Change

Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you — means taking a good hard
look at the ways you've been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to yell and scream or say hurtful,
mean, disrespectful things? Do you throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt
yourself, or push and shove others around?
For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want.
They feel ashamed by their behavior and don't think it reflects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If you want to make a big change in how you're
handling your anger, think about what you'll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect
from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life?
Remembering why you want to make the change can help.

It can also help to remind yourself that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won't
happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skill,
like playing basketball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again.

The Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger

If something happens that makes you feel angry, this approach can help you manage your reaction. It's
called a problem-solving approach because you start with the problem you're mad about. Then you
weigh your choices and decide what you'll do.

Each step involves asking yourself a couple of questions, then answering them based on your particular
situation.

Let's take this example: There's a party you're planning to go to, but your mom just told you to clean
your room or stay home. The red-hot anger starts building.

Here's what to do:

1) Identify the problem (self-awareness). Start by noticing what you're angry about and why. Put into
words what's making you upset so you can act rather than react.

Ask yourself: What's got me angry? What am I feeling and why? You can do this either in your mind or
out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific. For example: "I'm really angry at Mom because she won't
let me go to the party until I clean my room. It's not fair!" Your feeling is anger, and you're feeling angry
because you might not get to go to the party.
Notice that this is not the same as saying, "Mom's so unfair to me." That statement doesn't identify the
specific problem (that you can't go to the party until you clean your room) and it doesn't say how you're
feeling (angry).

2) Think of potential solutions before responding (self-control). This is where you stop for a minute to
give yourself time to manage your anger. It's also where you start thinking of how you might react —
but without reacting yet.

Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation you might think:

(a) I could yell at Mom and throw a fit.

(b) I could clean my room and then ask if I could go to the party.

(c) I could sneak out to the party anyway.

3) Consider the consequences of each solution (think it through). This is where you think about what is
likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.

Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:

(a) Yelling at your mom may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.

(b) Cleaning your room takes work and you may get to the party late (but maybe that adds to your
mystique). With this option, you get to go to the party and your room's clean so you don't have to worry
about it for a while.

(c) Sneaking out may seem like a real option in the heat of anger. But when you really think it through,
it's pretty unlikely you'd get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when you do get
caught — look out!

4) Make a decision (pick one of your options). This is where you take action by choosing one of the three
things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.

Ask yourself: What's my best choice? By the time you've thought it through, you're probably past yelling
at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky.
Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option (b) probably seems like the best
choice.

Once you choose your solution, then it's time to act.

5) Check your progress. After you've acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about
how it went.

Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the
choice I made? Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it's all over is a very
important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving
approaches work best in different situations.

Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn't, go back through
the five steps and see if you can figure out why.

These five steps are pretty simple when you're calm, but are much tougher to work through when you're
angry or sad (kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game
when the pressure is on!). So it helps to practice over and over again.

Other Ways to Manage Anger

The five-step approach is good when you're in a particular situation that's got you mad and you need to
decide what action to take. But other things can help you manage anger too.

Try these things even if you're not mad right now to help prevent angry feelings from building up inside.

Exercise. Go for a walk/run, work out, or go play a sport. Lots of research has shown that exercise is a
great way to improve your mood and decrease negative feelings.

Listen to music (with your headphones on). Music has also been shown to change a person's mood
pretty quickly. And if you dance, then you're exercising and it's a two-for-one.

Write down your thoughts and emotions. You can write things in lots of ways; for example, in a journal
or as your own poetry or song lyrics. After you've written it down, you can keep it or throw it away — it
doesn't matter. The important thing is, writing down your thoughts and feelings can improve how you
feel. When you notice, label, and release feelings as they show up in smaller portions, they don't have a
chance to build up inside.

Draw. Scribbling, doodling, or sketching your thoughts or feelings might help too.

Meditate or practice deep breathing. This one works best if you do it regularly, as it's more of an overall
stress management technique that can help you use self-control when you're mad. If you do this
regularly, you'll find that anger is less likely to build up.

Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Lots of times there are other emotions, such as fear or
sadness, beneath anger. Talking about them can help.

Distract yourself. If you find yourself stewing about something and just can't seem to let go, it can help
to do something that will get your mind past what's bugging you — watch TV, read, or go to the movies.

Anger is a natural, healthy emotion. However, it can arise out of proportion to its trigger. In these cases,
the emotion can impede a person’s decision-making, damage relationships, and otherwise cause harm.
Learning to control anger can limit the emotional damage.

Anger is a common response to frustrating or threatening experiences. It can also be a secondary

response to sadness, loneliness, or fear. In some cases, the emotion may seem to arise from nowhere.

Feeling angry often and to an extreme degree can impact relationships and a person’s psychological
well-being and quality of life. Suppressing and storing up anger can also have a damaging and lasting
impact.

The journal CNS Spectrums reported in 2015 that 7.8 percent of people in the United States experienced
“inappropriate, intense, or poorly controlled” anger. This was more common among adult males.

Tools and techniques can help people come to terms with anger triggers and respond to these in more
healthy ways.

In this article, we explore the steps a person can take at home, as well as the therapeutic options
available.

What is anger management?

Catching anger before it reaches full rage is key to managing it effectively.

Anger management involves a range of skills that can help with recognizing the signs of anger and
handling triggers in a positive way.

It requires a person to identify anger at an early stage and to express their needs while remaining calm
and in control.

Managing anger does not involve holding it in or avoiding associated feelings.

Coping with anger is an acquired skill — almost anyone can learn to control the feelings with time,
patience, and dedication.

When anger is negatively affecting a relationship, and especially if it is leading to violent or otherwise
dangerous behavior, a person may benefit from consulting a mental health professional or attending an
anger management class.

However, there are initial, immediate techniques to try. Some people find that they can resolve these
issues without seeking professional assistance.

Controlling anger

Mind, a major mental health charity in the United Kingdom, identifies three main steps for controlling
anger:

Recognize the early signs of anger.

Give yourself time and space to process the triggers.

Apply techniques that can help you control the anger.

Recognizing anger

In the moment, anger can be difficult to stop in its tracks. However, detecting the emotion early can be
key. It can allow a person to redirect their thought process to a more constructive place.

Anger causes a physical reaction in the body. It releases adrenaline, the “fight-or-flight” hormone that
prepares a person for conflict or danger.
This can have the following effects:

a rapid heartbeat

faster breathing

tension throughout the body

restlessness, pacing, and tapping of the feet

clenched fists and jaw

sweating and trembling

These physical effects can signal a proportionate response to a situation.

Regardless, recognizing the signals early can help a person assess whether the trigger warrants this
physical response.

If necessary, they can then take steps to manage their physical stress.

Taking a step back

Buying some time can be fundamental in limiting an angry response. This can involve simple measures.

When confronted with a trigger, it may help to:

count to 10

go for a short walk

make contact with a person who is not immediately involved, such as a friend, family member, or
counselor

It can help to vocally express the thoughts behind the anger to a person who is not the focus of the
reaction.

This can help defuse the situation and more clearly identify the cause of the intense feelings.
Anyone in the U.S. who is struggling to voice their anger can contact support groups, such as the Crisis
text line, for assistance.

Applying management techniques

These can help calm a person or distract them long enough to process the thoughts in a constructive
way.

Different techniques are effective for different people, but finding a method that works can be
instrumental in defusing episodes of extreme anger.

Some techniques include:

Deep, slow breathing: Focus on each breath as it moves in and out, and try to spend more time exhaling
than inhaling.

Easing physical tension: Try tensing each part of the body for a count of 10, then releasing it.

Mindfulness: Meditation is one example of a mindfulness technique, and these can help shift the mind
away from anger during triggering situations, especially after consistent practice.

Exercise: Physical activity is a great way to use up excess adrenalin. A brisk run or walk or combat sports,
such as boxing or martial arts, can be useful outlets for aggressive or confrontational feelings.

Find alternative channels for anger: It can help to express anger in a way that limits harm to others, such
as tearing newspaper, crushing ice cubes over a sink, or punching or screaming into a pillow.

Create distractions: Distraction techniques, such as dancing to energetic music, taking a relaxing shower,
or building, fixing, writing, or drawing, can provide distance from the issue.

When preparing to bring up frustration with a peer, it can help to plan what to say. This can help
maintain focus and direction in the conversation and reduce the risk of misguided anger.

Also, focusing on solutions rather than problems increases the chances of a resolution and reduces the
likelihood of an angry reaction.

Getting at least 7 hours of quality sleep every night also contributes to mental and physical health.
Researchers have linked sleep deprivation to a number of health problems, including irritability and
anger.
Therapy

Group or individual therapy can help a person identify and manage triggers.

Some signs that a person may need professional or medical help include:

being in trouble with the law

frequently feeling that they have to hold in their anger

regularly having intense arguments with family, friends, or colleagues

getting involved in fights or physical confrontations

physically assaulting a partner or child

threatening violence to people or property

breaking objects during an outburst

losing their temper when driving and becoming reckless

Anger issues rarely exist in isolation. They can derive from a range of other mental health issues,
including:

alcohol or drug dependence

bipolar disorder

schizotypal personality disorders

psychotic disorder

borderline personality disorder

Addressing underlying issues can help reduce disproportionate feelings of anger. Sometimes, however, a
person needs to control anger on its own terms.

Management therapy can take place in group sessions or one-to-one consultations with a counselor or
psychotherapist.

If a person has received a diagnosis for a mental health issue, such as depression, this should influence
their anger management.
In anger management training, a person learns to:

identify triggers

respond constructively, either in the early stages of anger or beforehand

handle the triggers

adjust irrational and extreme thought processes

return to a calm, peaceful state

express feelings and needs assertively but calmly in situations that tend to cause anger and frustration

redirect energy and resources into problem-solving

A therapist or counselor can guide an individual through the following questions:

How do I know when I am angry?

What types of people, situations, events, places, and other triggers make me angry?

How do I respond when I am angry? What do I do?

What impact does my angry reaction have on other people?

It can help to understand that anger and calmness are not clear-cut emotions. Anger, for example, can
range from mild irritation to a full rage.

Learning to recognize the spectrum can help people identify when they are truly angry and when they
are reacting severely to more minor frustrations. A key aim of therapy is to help people discover and act
on these distinctions.

Keep an anger diary

Recording feelings of anger during an episode and reporting what happened before, during, and
afterward may help people anticipate triggers and cope more effectively.

Understanding which control techniques worked and which did not can help an individual develop a
better anger management plan.

Do not repress the feelings that drove the anger. Instead, after calming down, express them in an
assertive, nonaggressive way. Keeping a journal can be an effective channel for this.
Writing can also help a person identify and alter thoughts that contribute to disproportionate anger.

It can be helpful to change final or catastrophic thought processes so that they become more realistic
and constructive.

For example, changing the thought, “Everything is ruined” to, “This is frustrating, but a resolution is
possible” can help clarify the situation and increase the chances of finding a solution.

Controlling anger in confrontations

Going on a short walk can help a person diffuse anger and consider a solution.

Anger often emerges while confronting others about specific problems, situations, or grievances.
Learning to address these productively can limit the impact of the anger and help resolve the underlying
trigger.

It can help to:

Avoid words such as “always” or “never,” which can alienate others and prevent a person in the grips of
extreme or irrational anger from believing that a situation can change.

Let go of resentment, as bearing a grudge can fuel anger, making it harder to control.

Avoid harsh, sarcastic humor, and try focusing on good-natured humor, which can help ease anger and
resentment.

Timing is important — if discussions in the evenings tend to become arguments, due to tiredness, for
example, change the times that these talks take place.

Working toward compromise in a healthy way can encourage positive emotions for everyone involved.

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Symptoms

As a person moves from mild irritation to rage, they may experience:

a desire to exit the situation

irritation

sadness or depression

guilt

resentment

anxiety

a desire to lash out verbally or physically

The following physical indications can also occur:

rubbing the face with the hand

fidgeting, or clasping one hand with the other

pacing around

becoming cynical, sarcastic, rude, or abrasive

losing their sense of humor

craving substances that the person thinks will instill a sense of calm, such as alcohol, tobacco, or drugs

raising vocal volume or pitch

screaming or crying

A person may also experience:

an upset stomach

an elevated heart rate

sweating

rapid, shallow breathing

hot flashes in the face or neck

trembling hands, lips, or jaws

dizziness

tingling in the back of the neck

If a person is able to recognize extreme anger or hurt in the moment, they can use management
techniques to control the situation.

What is anger?

Anger has benefits, and it forms part of the fight-or-flight response to a perceived threat or harm.

When it grows out of proportion or out of control, however, it can become destructive and undermine a
person’s quality of life, leading to serious problems at work and in personal relationships.

Humans and other animals often express anger by making loud sounds, baring their teeth, staring, or
adopting postures intended to warn perceived aggressors. All of these are efforts to stop or push back
against threatening behaviors.

Health risks

When a person is angry, the body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline, noradrenaline, and
cortisol. The heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, and breathing rate increase, as a result.

Recurrent, unmanaged anger can result in a constant flood of stress hormones, which negatively
impacts health.

Anger that is regular and extreme can, for example, contribute to:

backaches

headaches

hypertension, or high blood pressure

insomnia

irritable bowel syndrome or other digestive disorders

skin disorders

a stroke
a heart attack

a reduced pain threshold

a weakened immune system, which can result in more infections, colds, and the flu

Emotional and mental consequences of frequent, uncontrolled anger include:

depression and moodiness

eating disorders

alcohol or drug abuse

self-harm and suicidal ideation

low self-esteem

Learning to control anger has social, emotional, and physical benefits.

Q:

My partner experiences disproportionate anger on a regular basis, but I am scared to approach them
about seeking help. What is the best course of action?

A:

Consider approaching the subject when your partner is not experiencing anger. Practice what you are
going to say and provide them with specific examples of how their anger is displayed. There is a
difference between saying, “You put your fist through the door” and, “You get angry often.”

Next, tell your partner how the anger they demonstrate makes you feel, and ask them about getting
help. If this only serves to cause more anger, or if your partner is unwilling to do anything about their
anger, then it is up to you to determine whether you wish to remain in the relationship.

If you fear that your partner may become violent, take the necessary steps to be safe while leaving the
relationship.

You might find some help and solace in this article on leaving a violent or abusive relationship in the
safest way possible.
Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP

Answers represent the opinions of our medical experts. All content is strictly informational and should
not be considered medical advice.

We can get angry because of many things. Imagine you drive in your car on the highway. You listen to
the radio. It is a nice, sunny day. Everything feels great… until…

Another driver comes by and cuts you off the road. I’ll tell you what might happen: You get angry, very
angry. Your heart starts pumping faster and your face turns red as well.

Some may even scream and swear, and make gestures that are not so nice. Admit that you’ve done
something like that before… or maybe not. Of course, the reactions depend on the person.

But, have you ever asked yourself what happens in your body when you get angry? What is the science
of anger?

Anger starts in your brain

There is a small region in your brain which scientists call the amygdala. This compartment of the brain
processes information related to your emotions. After that, it triggers specific reactions in your body.

For example, it signals the production of chemical molecules. This happens to send an alarm to your
body in order for you to be alert. When you get angry, your brain orders the release of
neurotransmitters called catecholamines.

Epinephrine and norepinephrine

Two biomolecules from the family of catecholamines play the main role when getting angry. We are
talking about the hormones. Epinephrine and norepinephrine, also known as adrenaline and
noradrenaline.

Have you heard about the adrenaline rush?

Upon release, these molecules provide your system with energy and strength for several minutes. So,
you may attack someone. No, please don’t do that, violence is not the solution…
But in fact, our body prepares us to act against something or someone who caused our anger. That’s
why you feel pumped up and ready to go to war. Adrenaline makes your senses alert and even makes
you feel less pain… whoa… We feel like a superhero!

What are other effects of the hormones in our body? Epinephrine and norepinephrine lead to the
increase of blood pressure, an accelerated heart rate, and faster breathing. Your heart muscles contract
and your blood vessels constrict.

Sweating and pupil dilation can go with these effects. Blood pumps through your extremities to get you
ready for action. Now you know why enraged persons often have red faces…

What about boiling blood? No, that doesn’t really happen. If your blood boiled, it would turn to jelly and
you would die immediately. The phrase does not have a literal meaning…

Why do we do feel anger? Anger has a lot do with thinking. We are thinking of a rule or a deal in a
situation. We think that a certain rule is violated or a promise not held.

Let’s say you order 10 pizzas for a house party, but the delivery guy just brings 5 and then behaves
rudely. Your brain understands (or thinks) that there is an unjust situation. You get angry…

Actually, the reaction of our body to anger and fear are very similar. The released neurotransmitters are
almost the same in both feelings. If you decide to panic and run away or get aggressive and want to
fight, has to do with your thoughts.

However, scientists also state that there are some characteristic physiological differences, too. For
example, anger raises our body temperature, whereas fear leads to its reduction.

How your body manages anger?

Now we know what happens in our body when we get angry. But what we don’t know is how our body
signals that we should not be aggressive or enraged.

How to control oneself?

What is the mechanism in our brain that relates to anger management?

The place to look at is the prefrontal cortex. It is the region in your brain which enables you to control
your emotions. It gives you the ability of judgement.

Imagine a good angel sitting there and telling you not to react in an aggressive way. That’s the cortex.
And the devil resides in the amygdala. In principle, we observe a neuronal war between the amygdala
and the cortex, the bad and the good.

Scientists have found that the left part of the prefrontal cortex is associated with anger and aggression.
If that region is switched off, you will succeed and act like Dalai Lama or Gandhi…

What makes you angry?

Studies have pointed out three main things that make us angry:

Anger appears when your expectations are not fulfilled;

Anger occurs when you see some things as a threat;

Anger appears as an attempt to hide other emotions.

A US survey on people’s reaction towards terrorist groups demonstrates point no. 2 very well. The
survey analyzed people’s feelings of anger from a group who were portrayed as terrorists. The results
showed that participants were most filled with anger at those groups, which allegedly threatened their
country.

Dr. Ronald Potter-Efron, a psychology therapist and the author of the book “Healing the angry brain”,
lists several factors for the occurrence of anger. Among them are frustration, stress, drug abuse, cultural
effects, and bodily dysfunctions deriving from diseases.

Many studies prove that genetics are an important factor for anger. German scientists from the
University of Bonn even found the genetical codes of anger. Minor mutations in the gene called DARPP-
32 effect the levels of catecholamine compounds in the brain.
Guys, we are talking about a simple mutation of a “CC” code into a “TC” or “TT”. In a report in The
Telegraph, one of the researchers Martin Reuter said that people with “TC” or “TT” “are not able to
control their feelings as well as those without the mutation.” Blame it on the “TT” when you flip out the
next time…

5 Ways to be less angry

To be able to keep your cool is not as easy as said. How should we do that? You know that sometimes
there are situations where we freak out. The amygdala is so fast with the warning that our cortex is not
able to check if the reaction is reasonable.

There are also people who have serious anger disorders. Examples are the Intermittent Explosive
Disorder (IED) or the borderline disorder. People with IED tend to have sudden outbursts of anger and
aggression. Don’t be afraid… The fact you get angry doesn’t mean that you have a psychological illness.

We all get angry. If you still think that you get angry too often, there are easy ways to improve and relax.
Check this list of 5 fascinating ways to reduce it:

Breathe slowly: Remember that the catecholamines make us do the opposite;

Meditate: Yoga and praying might help you to relax more often;

Write down: Yes, a 2008 study shows the positive influence of writing down the reasons for your anger.
Maybe you should even start a diary…;

Do sports: Doing sports helps you to get rid of the negative energy; and hey, you do something for your
fitness, too;

Sleep well and enough: it reduces stress, believe me; if you don’t, read this article.

Anger is not healthy

I am sure that you will think about anger in a different way if I tell you about the health issues. Anger
and the heart have a close connection.

As mentioned above, epinephrine and norepinephrine constrict your blood vessels and make your heart
pump harder. Thus, people who get angry often live with the risk of getting chronic high blood pressure
and heart rhythm disorders.
Moreover, glucose and fatty acids are enriched in your blood. The increased levels of fatty acids can lead
to plaques in your arteries. The walls of the arteries thicken and the vessels get narrow because of the
accumulation of fats. This can result in a complete blockage of the arteries.

Scientists speak of atherosclerosis which can trigger heart attacks or strokes. Enraged people don’t look
healthy to me, and now I know why…

You are allowed to be angry, but not aggressive

See, it is important that you try to reduce angry feelings. Even though it is not that easy, there are
therapies and techniques. In doing so, you will keep calm and be anger-free, and live happier and longer.

And don’t forget that sometimes anger is a good thing to express feelings. Often you will feel better
afterward. But you should remember not to be angry in an aggressive way.