7/30/2020 The Biblical Way to Build Your Child's Self-Worth

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Child's Self-Worth
Clarity in Conversation
by Erin Davis on Wednesday, January 01, 2014 at 7:00 AM
with Your Teen

How Teens Can Stand

Out for the Right
Reasons

How to Encourage Your

Child as a New Christian

Need Help? 
Kelsey's mom called me, frantic.

Her 15-year-old daughter had been caught living a double life. The
details were heartbreaking and involved a troubled boy, sexual sin
and lots of secrets.

It was the kind of discovery that parents hope they never make.

As I worked with Kelsey's mom to peel back the layers of that

situation, one thing became crystal clear: Kelsey's choices were
rooted in her need to feel loved and accepted.

Kelsey didn't want to sin sexually, at least not at first, but she did
want the feeling that someone was head-over-heels, madly in love
with her. She didn't want to lie to her parents, but she was willing
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to do so to be with a boy who made her feel like the center of his
world.
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We all want to raise confident kids, and with goodOkay

reason. A child
who understands that he or she is deeply loved and highly valued
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7/30/2020 The Biblical Way to Build Your Child's Self-Worth

will, in some ways, be prepared for temptations to compromise.

Despite her parent's efforts to shore up her self-worth, Kelsey still

ended up looking for love in all the wrong places. Somehow she
had missed the message that she mattered.

So how can we help our kids develop a healthy, biblically based

sense of self-worth? First we should look at the wrong approach to
building self-esteem.

Jesus' Answer to Swagger

We are a culture obsessed with elevating the self-esteem of our
children. But would Jesus hand out participation ribbons? Would

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He want us to make parenting decisions based primarily on what
builds our child's confidence in themselves? Check out the story
from Luke 18 about a man with very high self-esteem:

"Two men went up to the temple complex to pray, one a Pharisee

and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took his stand and was
praying like this: ‘God, I thank You that I'm not like other people-
greedy, unrighteous, adulterers . . . I fast twice a week; I give a tenth
of everything I get" (Luke 18:9-12).

This Pharisee had swagger. He was confident in his righteousness. If

the contest was religion, he nominated himself for MVP. No low self
esteem here. But Jesus was not impressed.

Jesus said, "everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the
one who humbles himself will be exalted" (Luke 18:14).

Jesus clearly rejects the idea that we should base our sense of
worth on our own abilities. Jesus' ideas about self-worth don't
exactly mesh with our culture's conventional wisdom.

Jesus' Formula
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Jesus' teachings weren't wrapped in warm fuzzies. The idea of
building yourself were never mentioned in any of His sermons.
Okay
Instead, He focused on the opposite.

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7/30/2020 The Biblical Way to Build Your Child's Self-Worth

In Matthew 16:24, He said, "If anyone wants to come with Me, he

must deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me."

Jesus doesn't advocate the pumping up of our self-esteem.

Radically, He pushes for death to self instead. If Jesus were to give a
one-two punch to the idea of self-esteem, here is His second swing:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with
all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is: Love your
neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than
these" (Mark 12:30-31).

The most important lesson for your kids to learn is to love God with
everything they have. That kind of vertical focus has a way of
taking our eyes off of ourselves.

Need Help? 
Jesus says that we should love ourselves. However, that love should
extend to the way we treat others. In fact, He insists that loving
others is the second most important extension of our faith.

Die to self. Focus on God. Love others. This is Jesus' formula for how
we develop our self-worth. It's a topsy-turvy truth, but the best way
to help our kids feel good about themselves is to urge them to
think of God and others more often.

Final Thoughts
Kelsey is not unique in her wanting to be loved. We all want to be
loved. We all feel the desperate craving for significance. What
Kelsey missed was that God is the only One who can permanently
fill that hole in her heart.

Tell your kids that you love them often. Encourage them. Point out
their strengths. But ultimately, you should remind them of their
value to Jesus.

Our worth isTodetermined

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we feel worthless, visit.up
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we all need
the reminder that God paid the highest price for each of us:
Okay
"For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only
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7/30/2020 The Biblical Way to Build Your Child's Self-Worth

Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have
eternal life" (John 3:16).

Article courtesy of Parenting Teens magazine.

Erin Davis is a popular speaker, author and blogger

passionately committed to sharing God's Truth with others.
She is the author of several books including Connected,
Beyond Bath Time and the My Name Is Erin series.

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