5) Principle of Empathic

Communication
is one of the most
important factors of
human relationships.
V z á je m n á z á v is lo s t
It teaches us how to
first seek to
understand and then
to be understood;
N e z á v is lo s t
it concerns our
communication.

Z á v is lo s t Empathy = "putting
on somebody's shoes",
understanding.
 Principle of Empathic Communication-2
Communication has
- verbal (words and their meanings) and
- nonverbal parts.
Words play much smaller role than we think.
Personal example plays a much more important role.
(Words are generally considered to form
about 7 to 10% of communication,
voice (tone, loudness) 30 to 38%
and the greatest deal, 55 to 60%, is body language
(nonverbal communication)
= what we do and what we are.)
Seeking to Understand Others
Levels of Listening
1) Ignoring = I'm not even trying to listen.
2) Pretending = I seem to be listening but I'm thinking
about something else.
3) Listening Selectively = I pay attention only when I'm
listening to what I want, what I'm interested in (this is
how we often listen to small children).
4) Listening Carefully = I really pay attention to words
(I perceive the meaning that the words have for me or I
don't worry about them)  I hear words.
5) Listening Empathically = I'm listening with the
intention to understand, I'm open, focus on what is
inside the other person and on their value system. That
gives me precise information of what is being said.
 Seeking to Understand Others - 2
Empathic listening is the highest form of
listening.
We empathise with the feelings and thoughts
of the other party by which we create a
positive psychological climate.
If we've created such a climate contrasts
between words and feelings disappear;
people express themselves openly and
honestly.
Seeking to Understand Others - 3
Although this kind of listening
takes more time, it is still less
than having to explain things
after we've misunderstood something,
or fixing conflicts.

One of the greatest satisfactions of this life is

That no one can sincerely help others
Without helping themselves as well.
Emerson
 Seeking to Understand Others - 4
Can it be learned? - Certainly!
It is definitely the most effective form of listening
that will help us understand the other party.

If we learn it we will acquire the qualification

to make decisions based on precise information.
For example a barrister first puts together a closing
speech of the prosecuting party (the best he is
capable of) to be ready and know what he or she
might be answering to.
A speaker prepares a speech
according to the audience as well.
Steps to Empathy
How to learn it? Step by step:

1) Listen carefully and time to time use the other

party's words to repeat what has been said.

2) Express what has been said by your own words

giving feedback how you've understood.

3) Try to reflect the partner's feelings (what you

think the heard has evoked in him or her).

4) Occasionally make a summary of the essence of

what has been said.
Also express feelings, which it has evoked, and
importance for the partner.
 Feedback
In other words:
Give the best possible feedback of what the
partner has been saying.
By doing so we create space for them to
express themselves as exactly as possible

- it is one of the most efficient investments

into relationships.
It is our nature to listen
autobiographically
I judge you according to me, my
experience, my beliefs.
Notice it when talking to somebody or
hearing a conversation for example
between parents and children.
We have these typical responses coded
deep inside so we are not aware of them.
We are very limited if we want to
understand others only from words they
say.
Autobiographical Responses
We often don't listen till the other party finishes and we:

 Judge - We agree or disagree, judge if it's right

or not.
 Advise - We give often unwanted counsel based
on our own experience.
 Probe - We ask questions from our own frame
of reference, not from what is important for the
partner.
 Interpret - We try to figure people out, to
explain their motives and their behaviour based
on our own motives and our behaviour.
 Autobiographical Responses - 2
These autobiographical responses are ineffective and
discourage people from communication with us.

The language of logics very much differs from the

language of understanding and feelings.

Our perceptions are different (see - paradigm) and

that is why we need feedback from those who
surround us. The invested time will come back
multiplied in the quality of our relationships.
The criteria

of my full understanding is when I

explain what the other party has
stated and they agree that I
understand them correctly.
We have a right to ask to be
understood, which is the second
aspect of the habit of empathic
communication, only when we have
understood the other party.
Being Understood
in the Best Possible Way
Understanding requires consideration; to be understood
requires courage. Win x Win solution requires a high level of
both (see Maturity 7.4.2.).

To be understood we have to follow the sequence:

character  relationships  logical agreements  etc.

P = P/PC balance is applicable even for effective =

functioning communication.
 Being Understood
in the Best Possible Way 1

If we want to convince somebody of

something
we first need to make sure
we understand the issue ourselves
or at least to know exactly
what we want to say.
Only then we can express our thoughts.
 Greeks spoke
Already the ancient Greeks spoke
about unity of ethos, pathos and
logos.
1) Ethos in this case is our character, personal
trustworthiness, truthfulness etc. (Also what
impression we give, what we evoke in others.)
2) Pathos is our ability to empathise, understand
and listen  relationships, emotional bank
account (pay attention to the audience, examiners
etc.).
3) Logos is the logical, factual, rational part of
what we want to express. This follows the first
two steps when the listeners are ready to
perceive what we have to say.
Being Understood in the Best
Possible Way - 2

Most technically oriented leaders

are used to manage things.
They want to apply well-tried methods
from managing things on people
and often they marvel
why it doesn't work.
 Being Understood in the Best
Possible Way - 3
The principle of empathic communication is
very powerful. Despite us often thinking it
doesn't lie in our circle of influence, it does.
By mastering the principle we acquire exact
information, we will be affectable and open
to new, creative stimuli.
This is an important precondition for
leadership and influencing other people.
Our understanding, respect, patience etc. will
allow us to step on to synergy.