Chasing CARSs

After searching for few minutes, I saw my name written on the first room on the second
floor of the nearest building. I peeked and nobody's inside yet. It was still six on my wrist watch,
that's why. The blue-painted room made me feel comfortable somehow. I went straight to the
last seat at the back of the room. The spot felt safer. I rested my bag on the chair and took the
opportunity to scan the place. I could already see few people roaming around the quadrangle
from the window. Boredom sent me down and I opted to sit on the bench under a big jackfruit
tree. The ambiance of the place felt a lot different. The trees that surrounded the school made
me feel the tranquility I had never known. I was lost in thoughts when I felt arms wrapped
around me from the back.
My head ached listening to the idle chattering of my new classmates. I rested my head on
the armchair and was startled by a slight tap on my shoulder. It was him telling me the teacher
came in. Though I was still irritated with him, I mouthed thanks. I wasn't so sure but I guessed
our friendship started just that.
The friendship we established grew faster. On vacant hours, we would just sit and listen to
songs of Jason Mraz with his earphones. During Math classes, we would scribble at the back of
our notebooks and sometimes compete who doodled best. At times, he would bring me to his
circle of friends but I just couldn't find camaraderie there. Marilyn came out to be our
schoolmate. She was just a room away from us. Indeed, we're of the same height, body shape
and hair length. She hanged with Adrian much than we do. Rumors were spreading about them
but I didn't dare ask him about her.

At home or in school, there was no difference. It was Sunday. My mother and I were getting
ready to church when she received a call. I had a bad feeling watching her as her eyebrows met.
She looked at me with sad eyes. I knew it. Her work conquered her and I could feel the pinch of
jealousy I was struggling to hide. I smiled to appease her guilt and went alone trying to catch
the ten o'clock mass. Just as I was about to enter the church, I saw him approaching.
"Adrian," I called to get his attention. "I can't believe I'll see you in this kind of place."
"I've got prayers you know," he answered with a wide smile showing his perfectly even
teeth. I missed those smiles. "Let's get inside. The mass is about to start."
We were quiet during the mass. The priest's voice echoed as he spoke. His mouth was half-
opened staring at the altar. I took the chance to stare at his well- chiseled face, cliffed jaw, small
but pointed nose and long eye lashes. He caught me staring and mouthed why. I just smiled in
response. Before the mass ended, I intended to ask Him for apology because I wasn't able to
give my full attention this time.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked when we were outside the church.
"Sure," I answered without a second thought. This would be a great opportunity to talk to
him what went wrong. Besides, I missed being with him.
We were silent while walking but I liked the feeling. Not one of us wanted to open a
conversation. The road around was busy but I could hear the loud thumping of my heart.
"What happened?" I managed to speak after listening to a long silence. He looked at me
confused but eventually got what I meant.
"I love her," he said shifting his eyes from me. Again, an unfamiliar feeling made me want to
cry but I held it. "She doesn't like seeing me hanging out with you."
The quadrangle was empty and the school was quiet. I could see few students running to
catch their classes. I sat on my favorite spot under the big jackfruit tree and lean my head on
the trunk. The rays of the sun that escaped from the leaves stroked on my face. I stared at it
until drops of water rolled down my cheeks. The light became unbearable so I closed my eyes.
The breeze felt like hands massaging my face. I stayed like that for minutes. The peaceful
morning calmed my troubled heart.
"Why did you bunk class?"
I was startled but regained my composure immediately. He was looking down at me raising
his right eyebrow.
"Why are you here? You should be listening to our teacher now. Also, she might see us." I
almost whispered the last line.
He stared blankly at me. I couldn't figure out what was on his mind. The stares made me
uneasy so I stood up to leave. Just when I took my first step, he grabbed my hand.
"Do you like me?"
Ice cold rushed through my body. A lump formed in my throat that literally hindered me
from speaking.
"Do you like me?" he repeated the question but this time, he was looking directly in my
eyes. His stares were cold. I could feel my knees shaking abnormally. The deafening silence
occurred between us. He sighed and turned his back from me.
"Yeah, I like you." He stopped but didn't look back. "I like you." This time, he faced me.
Bitter smile automatically flashed my face. “But you love her." My eyes were fixed on his as I
said it. When I looked down, small pieces of the leaf on my hand scattered on the ground. He
was about to say something when the bell rung. I went back to the room and he followed
silently.
Marilyn was standing angrily at the door of our classroom when we went back. Her stares
were like knives stabbing me. She was about to speak when our next teacher arrived. I followed
my teacher inside the room. I naturally liked the subject but my head was occupied by our last
conversation that I didn't notice the teacher was out. "Do you like me? Yeah, I like you" kept
ringing in my head the whole day.
He was resting his head on his armchair when I entered the room. I tip toed going to my
seat and placed my bag on my chair. I was heading out when a warm hand hold my wrist.
"Can we talk?" he said seriously.
I tighten my grip on the hem of my shirt.
"I'm sorry for everything," he whispered that I almost didn't hear it.
I remained silent. My eyes were fixed on the floor.
"We broke up yesterday..." he said without looking at me, "because I like you." His last
words deafened me. Silence crept the whole room. He said it quietly but it reached me loud and
clear. Finally, he said it. I should be happy but unexplainable sadness dominated me. I stood
speechless for minutes absorbing what I just heard. I struggled for words to say.
"And what do you expect me to do?" was all I managed to utter.
He sighed as an answer. A group of students entered noisily that cut our conversation. My
eyes trailed on his back as he returned to his seat. Sheena came snapping her fingers in front of
me. I didn't notice I was so stiff and I slouched immediately.

After that, we became stranger to each other. As much as possible, I would stay away from
him. Sheena told me that Marilyn and Adrian didn't get back together. We're on the same
classroom but we never communicate unless for school matters. She introduced me to her circle
of friends and there, I experienced the type of domestic tranquility I had never known.

The passing of days felt a lot quicker and before I realized, it was the time for love. Everyone
was excited. Hearts were hanged on the ceilings of every room and on the branches of the
trees. Girls and boys were eagerly talking about partners and dances. Love was definitely in the
air. It made me miss him more.
I went home early to prepare for the big (they call it) event. My dress was on my bed when I
reached home. It was a royal blue halter gown with round pleats up to my ankle.
I can see the sadness in her eyes. She was aware she spent almost all her time for work. I
could not resent her for that. She did everything for me. I tried the dress because I didn't want
to disappoint her.
Colored lights glimmered here and there. Love songs filled the whole place. Heart-shaped
balloons were hanged everywhere. I had the hard time walking because of the weight of my
gown and my heels. Sheena and the other girls with their partners surrounded our table when I
came.
"I was worried. I thought you won't come," Ryle said as he moves the chair signaling me to
sit down.
I just smiled at him. Sheena introduced him to me before and we got along just fast. He's
been a good friend and a partner. He was never absent during practices and I felt comfortable
with him.
Minutes later, the party begun. I scanned the place and saw him positioned across our table
with Marilyn. They must be together again. The first dance started. Everyone gathered at the
center of the hall. The music played and Ryle guided me throughout the whole dance. After the
first dance, we went back to our table while the host was talking in front. We were busy chatting
when the host announced for the cotillion. The dance started with our partners and as the
music turns, we changed partners. After few turns, I landed on a familiar face. His face
brightened as light reflected it. He stared at me and I looked down. I couldn't look him in the
eyes.
"You look beautiful," he said smiling. Heat rushed through my face. We danced with the
music and the turn felt much longer.
The cotillion ended and my feet ached from dancing. I sat on my chair for a while and
scanned the place. Happy faces danced everywhere.
"Can I dance with you?" Adrian asked offering his hand.
My feet were shaking going to the dance floor. His hands were warm on my hips. The music
was loud but all I heard was the wild beating of my heart. My hands were sweating on his
shoulders. I stared at him and memories came flashing through his face.
I went back to my table and watched them danced. I sighed at the sight. Maybe we're just
meant to pass by each other.
Starting that night, the atmosphere between us became less awkward. We talked but I
could really feel the wall in between.

Time was fleeting and fleeting again that I almost didn't notice graduation was fast
approaching. Everyone was busy completing their clearances. I was reading some magazines in
the library waiting for the librarian for my clearance when Marilyn sat in front of me. I
pretended I didn't notice her.

I was lying on my bed thinking everything that happened. The school year was about to end
yet it felt like yesterday when I first set foot on my school. The place made me grow somehow.

Marching music echoed the whole place. Students in white gowns lined up with their
parents before the entrance of the auditorium. I saw my mother coming so I ran towards her.
The whole year experience flashed back as I marched to the stage. The feeling was a mixture of
happiness and sadness. Happy because another dream came true and at the same time sad
because the new friendship I found was cut short. Besides, I would surely miss him. Above
everything, thinking about new life and experiences excited me.

The life I dreamed didn’t come easy. Real life is hard but the experiences I had made me
stronger somehow. Today, was my uncle's burial day. I waited in the cemetery for few hours
because I came too early. The sun was scorching so I decided to sit under the shade of a tree
and opened my cousin's umbrella. A thought suddenly occupied my mind: It's been four years
since I last saw him. I just waved the thought and still, waited patiently.
Minutes later, the screeching noise of a 20-year old motorcycle I guess snapped me back to
reality. Behind the shabby blue-colored-jacket driver was a familiar face. The well-chiseled face
wearing a white sleeveless jersey shirt. The curve road helped me get a chance to stare. Still
him- the man I used to know, I thought. Not until I saw clearly the woman behind him. Well-
crafted eyebrows, bloody red lips and a bit uneven face and neck complexion. The woman I
used to see every time I stalk him on facebook, his new girlfriend.
He smiled showing his dimple positioned on his right cheek. I nodded and forced a smile.
My heart raced but as the motorcycle went, it faded.