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Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen

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Introduction

During early moments, girls and boys play with other children of their gender and age.

The two separate groups possess unique organization forms plus interactive norms, leading to

communication problems between the two sexes. In her article, Deborah Tannen, on sex, lies,

and conversation, she depicts some significant differences between men and women in childhood

socialization and how it leads to cross-cultural communication. Deborah Tannen applies real-life

experiences to support her arguments in the article, making the material more useful and

relatable in the way things happen in the real world. Variances in cross-cultural interactions

between women and men are prevalent in conversation, linguistics, plus body language.

In her article, Deborah Tannen (1990) commences in a part where she addresses a small

group in a Suburban Virginia room. It was a women group in which they had requested to be

joined by some men. Throughout that session, one man was very talkative and offered anecdotes

plus ideas as his wife sat next to him quietly. At the end of the course, Tannen commented that

women complained that their men failed to talk to them. Therefore, the episode disclosed that it

was ironic that men in America tend to speak more in public than they do in their homes. At last,

Tannen speculated that the trend was wreaking havoc with many marriages.

According to Tannen's research (1990), most women's complaints concerning their

husbands involved real inequalities, like giving up on sharing tasks like cooking, cleaning, and

other errands. Besides, they focused on communication, and many women wanted their partners

to be more conversational.

Research of an American Psychologist indicated different childhood socialization designs

whereby boys and girls only played with their gender. Similarly, to girls, women view intimacy
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as a fabric of the relationship, and communication is where it is woven. Girls maintain and create

friends through secrets exchange, and women view communication as a friendship cornerstone.

Therefore, a woman expects her man to be an improved and new version of her best friend. On

the other hand, boys' bonds can get as intense as girls', although they involve doing things

together but less on talking. However, since boys never assume talks as a building block of

relationships, men have no ideas on which conversations women want, plus they do not miss

them if the talks are not there (Franks & Waldman, 2018).

Physical positioning is another problem encountered during a conversation between the

two genders. When women have a conversation, they face each other directly with their eyes

held upon each other's faces. Conversely, men always sit at angles and looking elsewhere in the

room but glancing at each other periodically. The tendency of a man facing away when

conversing with a woman indicates to her that he is not paying attention.

In Tannen's (1990) article, she speculates that women mostly involve participatory

listening while having conversations with their gender. Contrary, men find it as a lack of

attention, intrusion, or interruption. Women view conversational jobs as a support expression

design, whereas men view it as a way of pointing the other argument side. Therefore, women see

a conversation as a method of establishing a rapport. For example, if one girl says she has a

problem and the other says she has the same problem, they walk away feeling closer to one

another.

However, from arguments and illustrations made by Tannen in her article, we all

understand now why women have different expectations in marriage than men. For women,

communication generates intimacy. Women assume that marriage is a closeness orgy in which

you can spit your thoughts and feelings but still get loved. The main fear for women is getting
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pushed away. Opposingly, men live in a hierarchical world in which communication maintains

status and independence. Men are always protecting themselves from being pushed around or

even put down.

From arguments in the article, marriage communication problems cannot be fixed

through mechanical engineering but need a conceptual framework on the importance of

communication in relationships between humans. Many psychological predicaments blame either

men (for being less in touch with their feelings) or women (for being less assertive). However,

by applying a sociolinguistic design, we can identify the problem and come up with solutions

without leaning on one party. Once the issue gets identified, then improvements come naturally

(Greer, 2018).

After going through this article, I started to flashback on different reactions I encountered

with my friends and in my relationship. Broadly, we have had miscommunication problems

similar to the way Tannen stipulates. But, through thinking those experiences from the difference

in styles of communication between men and women, the article helped me explain why my

friends are upset with my replies posture during a conversation.

I agree with Tannen's explanations of gendered talks. In the issue of conversation topic

alignment, it is true that girls tend to spend more time with one another and talk for long

concerning one topic, but boys jump from one subject to another and spend little time with one

another. Nonetheless, boys tell jokes and tease one another, but girls on their league exchange

stories involving people they knew. I concur with Tannen that girls and boys are taught

communication tactics differently as they grow older, that however leads to communication

problems in their lives. The argument fits perfectly with my life experiences. During football
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interview, you will hear a player saying he is good at his position, and his opponent is a nobody;

it perfectly fits Tannen's objective.

In conclusion, the article is fascinating and speculates the differences between women

and men in terms of communication. Tannen inspires valid theories and observations concerning

the topic, which changes the way we view life and other people surrounding us (Greer, 2018).

However, if everyone speculates Tannen points on communication in marriages, there will be

essential understanding and minimal gender fights concerning failure to talk or listen to any

party. Nonetheless, from the textbook, parental training is necessary while raising children of

different ages and gender, parent-children, and children-parent bonding.

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References

Deborah Tannen, (1990). Article: Sex, Lies and Conversation

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/1990/06/24/sex-lies-and-

conversation/01cb17ba-1af7-4bf4-8a02-3d1b6c11648f/?utm_term=.05695231a822

Franks, M. A., & Waldman, A. E. (2018). Sex, lies, and videotape: Deep fakes and free speech

delusions. Md. L. Rev., 78, 892.

Greer, E. (2018). Must We Do What We Say? The Plight of Marriage and Conversation in

George Meredith’s The Egoist. In Stanley Cavell on Aesthetic Understanding (pp. 293-

320). Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.