THE INTEGRATION OF DEBORAH TANNEN’S GENDERLECT THEORY AND

CONCEPTS ON HOW DIFFERENT MEN AND WOMEN COMMUNICATE:

A TERM PAPER

In Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements for the Course Language, Culture and Society

Submitted by:

JHESSA MAY M. CANUEL

BSED English (SEDEE)

Submitted to:

SALVACION SANTANDER
Introduction to Linguistics Professor

September 20, 2018

 The Integration of Deborah Tannen’s Genderlect Theory and Concepts on How
Different Men and Women Communicate: A Term Paper

Men and women are born differently. Each of them has their own roles at home,
in their own society and they differ even in the way they handle their own lives. From
head to toe, men and women are different, equally different, even in their own
languages, signifying that no language is superior nor inferior, just equally different.
Deborah Frances Tannen is an American Academic and Professor of Linguistics
at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. She coined the term “Genderlect”. It
serves to describe the way that the conversation of men and women are not right or
wrong, superior and inferior, they are just equally different. It promotes mutual
understanding of men and women’s languages amidst all the differences
(www.changingminds.org).
According to Deborah Tannen, “Girls tend to socialize in pairs and a common
theme is telling secrets. A girl’s best friend is the one she tells everything to. Girls are
critical of other girls who act as if they’re better than the others. For boys, activities are
central. Their best friends are the ones they do everything with. Boys frequently play –
fight, and they use a language to negotiate status in the group. Giving orders and
making them stick raises a boy’s status.”
Men and women differ in communication in a way that they communicate for
different reasons. Men and women’s fundamental difference is that they communicate
for connection like relative closeness or distance or status like hierarchy and
competition for power. In men’s conversation, it is often a conversation to get the upper
hand among the people they are talking to. Men in conversations often demonstrate
their status and dominance. On the other hand, women often communicate for
connection. Women communicate to establish support to another and induce a feeling
of closeness to the one she is talking to (www.evgonline.com).
A man believes that a conversation should have a clear purpose or a clear
subject. He believes that every problem should have an immediate solution to be
decided and made. While a woman uses conversation to uncover what she really feels
and what she really wants to say. A woman sees a conversation as a bridge for sharing
and elevating intimacy with others (www.psychcentral.com).
Since women clings to connection and closeness and men often cling to status
and dominance in terms of communication, women struggle for intimacy in
conversations, a thing men fail to understand almost every time for the reason that men
tends to lean on independence which correlates to their status
(www.aggslanguage.wordpress.com). Below is a dialogue which demonstrates this
reason between a man and a woman.

(The conversation is between a married couple.)

Man: Hon, naapprove na akong promotion, Corporal nako. Mag-inom mi karong

gabii sa among HQ.

Woman: Desisyun dayon ka? Wala ra man ka nagkonsulta sa akoa kung sugot
kog dili?

Man: Alangan iingon nako sa among Chief na magpaalam pa ko sa akong

asawa?

It can be inferred that the woman was upset by her husband’s action. The man
made plans without consulting her wife beforehand if it’s okay with her or not. This can
be explained through the difference of how men and women communicate the
connection with intimacy and the status with independence. Based on the woman’s
perspective, she would love it if her husband will consult her before making any plans
because it will make her feel the intimacy and that her life and decisions is actually
connected to her husband’s. However, for the husband’s perspective, consulting with
her wife before deciding on plans will make him feel that he is not allowed to do
anything on his own. It is somehow degrading on the husband’s part because this
touches his status and independence.
 Men and women also differ in communication because of their directness and
indirectness pertaining to a certain matter. Deborah Tannen also said that different
habits that pertain to directness and indirectness can make a conversation look different
to each person. Tannen also emphasized that this does not depend on the matter
where women are always indirect and men are direct. Though women are indirect in the
sense of telling others to do things, men on the other hand are also indirect when it
comes to expressing feelings like telling a person that he was hurt. The dialogue below
will give a greater understanding for men and women’s directness and indirectness.

(The wife and the husband is sitting next to each other in a mall’s bleacher.)

Woman (Wife): Kaon na ta?

Man (Husband): Dili pa ko ganahan mukaon.

(It was observed that the woman got annoyed by her husband’s answer.)

Man (Husband): Naunsa na sad ka? Kung gusto diay nimo na mukaon na ta
giingon na lang unta nimo dili na mangutana pa ka.

Woman (Wife): Bisag iingon nako himuon man gihapon nimo ang gusto nimo
himuon.

From this simple conversation, it can be interpreted from the woman’s

perspective that she took account of her husband’s feelings and preference by first,
asking a question. As a consequence of not understanding the man’s side on the
matter, the woman felt like her husband did not care. This is where the difference
between a man and a woman’s negotiation skill enters. According to Deborah Tannen
on directness and indirectness, a woman asks a general question about his preference
and negotiates in so that they will reach a decision or a conclusion taking both their
feelings and preference into account. However, for a man, he answered directly “no”. In
his perspective, this is a start of negotiating out if the woman did not like his response
and she will arrive at a decision for both of them. Unluckily, for the woman, the man’s
“no” is the end of the conversation (www.evgonline.com).
In addition to this, men are believed to be always leaning on the facts and logic
while women tend to lean on emotional and intuitive aspect in negotiating. Women
focus more on nurturing the relationship with others while men demonstrate dominance
and authority (www.negotiations.com).
Communication is a two – way process. There should always be a sender and a
receiver. Both men and women are needed to be understanding and wary of the nature
of how each gender communicates. With understanding the concepts and ideas
connected to Genderlect, this promotes even greater awareness to how different men
and women communicate and can become a powerful tool to avoid and mitigate
discrimination on languages and miscommunication.
 BIBLIOGRAPHY
Website
Genderlect. n.d. Retrieved September 18, 2018 from
http://changingminds.org/explanations/gender/genderlect.htm

Tannen, D. n.d. He Said, She Said. Retrieved September 18, 2018 from
https://www.evgonline.com/Downloads/Hesaidshesaidinstr.guide.pdf

6 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently. (2017, July 22). Retrieved
September 18, 2018 from https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-men-and-
women-communicate-differently/

You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen. (2010, June 6). Retrieved
September 18, 2018 from https://aggslanguage.wordpress.com/you-just-don’t-
understand-by-deborah-tannen/

Craver, C.B. (2017, July 20). Gender Differences in Negotiations. Retrieved

September 18, 2018 from https://www.negotiations .com/articles/gender-
interaction/