there is no true success without
emotional success yet of the more than
three thousand emotions that we have
words to describe the average person
experience is only about a dozen
different ones in the course of an
average week we must remember that this
doesn't reflect our emotional capacity
but rather the limitations of our
present patterns of focus there are
3,000 words in the English thesaurus
that describe various emotions in that
1051 words describe positive emotions
while 2086 almost twice as many describe
negative emotions but what this means is
that we've made so many words to
describe an unpleasant emotion and we
tend to focus more on what is unpleasant
about life then looking at the bright
side
life is an emotional experience the
quality of emotion you experience every
day ultimately determines the quality of
your life and above all your happiness
depends on it one key problem with most
people is that they're not able to
understand what they feel or they find
it hard to name their emotions this is a
place where you need to become
emotionally intelligent and become
emotionally aware of the feelings you're
experiencing emotional intelligence is
your ability to identify what you're
feeling why you're feeling it and how
your feelings not only affect you but
all those around you so when we learn to
become more emotionally intelligent we
we begin to master self really know
thyself and understand what it is that
is keeping you stuff what limits you and
what triggers you what get you angry
what gets you sad and hurt what causes
you to
think so personally so when you are
improving your emotional intelligence
what that will allow you to do is become
less reactive and more interactive with
conversations when you're in control of
your emotions you're emotionally
intelligent when emotions are
controlling you
you're acting irrational and emotionally
enslaved the only way to effectively use
your emotions is to understand how they
all serve you
you must learn from your emotions and
use them to create the results you want
emotions are action signals very often
their meanings are hidden and we seldom
ignore these hidden messages there's so
much to learn from an emotion even the
unpleasant emotions all emotions are a
call for action once you're familiar
with the hidden messages in emotion and
it's action signal your unpleasant
emotions can become your ally learning
to use these signals frees you from the
fears and allows you to experience all
the richness of which we humans are
capable there are hidden messages in
every emotion we're aware of the
messages behind our pleasant emotions
but we're not well aware of the messages
behind our unpleasant emotions when we
do not understand our emotions they
become unpleasant experiences to us all
negative emotions contain within them
positive messages or instructions that
can help us grow as better human beings
we experience emotions for several
reasons we experience them because
emotions are the language of the
subconscious mind we can master our
negative unpleasant emotions when we
learn how they serve us rather than
enslave us let's look at the emotion
hurt for example as we make our journey
through life none of us escapes being
hurt these painful feelings arise when
we experience loss it could be a loss of
trust or an expectation that is not
being met by us or by others who are
dear to us you're likely to feel hurt
when you're betrayed badly treated or
ignored by people you care about it
hurts when they're insensitive to your
needs there
or we feel disappointed and we
communicate the feeling of hurt through
various emotions like pain or anger what
is the hidden message in hurt Benjamin
Franklin said those things that hurt
instruct the message in hurt is that
your expectations have not been met many
times this feeling arises when we've
expected somebody to keep their word and
they didn't in this case you feel a loss
of intimacy with this person maybe a
loss of trust this sense of loss is what
creates the feeling of hurt the solution
is to realize that in reality you may
not have lost anything maybe what you
need to lose is the false perception
that this person is trying to wound you
or hurt you
maybe they don't realize the impact of
their actions on your life in reality
most people are ignorant about the
impact of their words and deeds in other
people's lives secondly communicate with
the individuals who's hurting you and
tell them how you feel
communicate your expectations with other
people people will not know your
expectations until you tell them certain
things are valuable to you but they may
not be valuable to other people our
values are different communicate your
values to others especially your dear
ones let them know what's important to
you and what your expectations of others
are we feel angry when we're hurt what
does anger teach us how can anger serve
us rather than aggravate more chaos you
feel angry when you take offense at
being hurt or experiencing loss angry
feelings arise when you feel helpless
threatened deprived or unfairly treated
anger is a physiological sensation due
to the biochemical reaction in your body
adrenaline is created in the body as a
protective mechanism that prepares our
body to fight against the attack bodily
tension and other disturbing emotions
often accompany anger you can experience
frustration irritability annoyance
resentment hatred or even rage at
various levels you may be choosing to
react with anger in a dominating manner
rather than feel hurt
because you perceive hurt as a sign of
vulnerability anger keeps people at a
distance and this enables you to conceal
your vulnerability in fact anger is
nothing but a shield that covers your
underlying fears and hurts inside a
short-tempered person there is
unsettling hurt frustration and a cry
for help
the hidden message in anger is that an
important rule or standard that you hold
for your life has been violated by
someone else or maybe even by you you
feel angry with certain standards on
that when some of the rules you have
about life are violated you feel angry
and rage most anger isn't happening in
the actual context of what's going on
it's an old story coming up an old hurt
an old wound an old concern am i
respected enough am i cared for enough
how dare they all these things are the
child Minds they're the ego mind I just
call it the drama mind the thing that
wants to make something a bigger problem
than it really is because you have no
perspective on life
about that as you've traveled or you've
experienced more in life you've realized
a lot of people have a very difficult
out in life you've realized there's a
lot of poverty realize there's a lot of
struggles you realize there's a lot of
hurt and pain and hopefully that gives
you some perspective to say geez
somebody cutting me off isn't such a big
deal anymore
because here's the reality especially if
you keep getting angry about the same
thing over and over and over again you
are a victim of the drama mind and that
victim is you you have the ability to
turn that off and the way you do is wait
you enlarge the gap of time between
stimulus and response that's where all
self mastery comes from enlarging the
time between stimulus and response so
now it's not the drama mind it's not the
impulsive mind
it's the intentional mind anger is no
way of telling other people that you're
right and others are wrong anger is not
the display of superiority
the loud cry of an unsettling hurt see
anger is a secondary emotion the primary
emotion is frustration primary emotions
frustration frustration is wanting
something and not getting it I want to
have a certain thing happen I want to
get this thing I want to experience a
certain opportunity or a thing happen in
my life if you want to get past anger
you have to stop it at frustration it's
okay to want what you want but you got
to quit that negative thinking that
negative self-talk pattern of your bad
I'm going to punish you see the moment
you start to make that demand I've got
to have my way and then blaming them
you're the problem you're what's wrong
here when you do that you automatically
get sucked into the drama you experience
the emotion of frustration due to your
rigid beliefs and thinking when
frustrations hit you and surely they
will on many occasions
remember to become more flexible and
adaptive to change your viewpoints on
something that are currently producing
negative results the message in
frustration and disappointment is that
your brain believes you could be doing
better than you currently are
frustration is very different from
disappointment which is the feeling that
there's something you want in your life
which you'll never get it constant
frustration means that the solution to
your problem is within range but what
you are currently doing isn't working
and you need to change your approach in
order to achieve your goal take care of
your frustrations in life it's a way
life is teaching you that your life is
off the track and off the course when
you're not using your talents gifts and
resources to the full extent you become
frustrated when you don't get the
results you want you get frustrated
sometimes you can experience this
emotion without any trigger when you
focus too much on life's problems you
can get frustrated constant irritability
feeling of annoyance discomfort and a
state of unhappiness stems up as a
result of continuing frustrations
as frustration grows and when you begin
to accept helplessness as a result
another major emotional state strikes
you that's called the Big D depression
when you suffer pain and loss and do not
express and resolve your feelings of
helplessness hurt anger and grief you
will eventually experience depression
when you're depressed you tend to focus
on your losses your inner emptiness
unfulfilled dreams and problems you may
experience a feeling of helplessness and
worthlessness according to Martin
Seligman the father of positive
psychology in his book learned optimism
he writes a pessimistic explanatory
style is it the core of all depressed
thinking a negative concept of the
future the self in the world stems from
seeing the causes of bad events as
permanent pervasive and personal and
seeing the causes of good events in the
opposite way the state of depression is
sending a strong message the hidden
message in depression is to find a
purpose in life the message is invoking
the depressed to reevaluate what is
absolutely important to them if anyone
is paying more attention to minor things
in life ignoring the majors then that is
the primary reason to make someone feel
depressed in the first place
depression sends the message to
prioritize what is important to you
instead of feeling burdened and helpless
those who lose sight of their priorities
in life will always feel burdened and
they feel sick most of the time people
who are depressed are the most
ungrateful people on earth they don't
focus on their blessings they look at
what's missing and they whine about
what's lost and seldom think about what
can be gained we tend to experience
depression when another emotion is not
well handled by us that emotion is grief
grief occurs when we experience a major
loss grief happens when you feel like
there's no empowering meaning for
something that has happened or that your
life is being negatively impacted by
people events or forces that are outside
your control the excruciating pain of
losing a loved one can be
most severe suffering we ever endure the
answer to grief is acceptance accept the
things that can't be changed and change
the things that can't be accepted when
you feel that it's appropriate to start
letting go of grief start focusing on
what you can control and realize that
there must be some empowering meaning to
it all even though you can't comprehend
it yet what stops us from expressing the
emotion of grieving is the emotion of
fear fear is nature's way of protecting
you from real and current danger it
prepares you to escape from harm
fearful emotions include everything from
low levels of concern and apprehension
to intense worry anxiety flight and even
terror the message is fear is simply the
anticipation that's something that's
going to happen soon needs to be
prepared for fear is telling you to be
prepared to deal with something negative
or uncomfortable from happening it's
telling you to prepare for your plan B
or the worst case scenario don't permit
fear to control your life
absolu refuse to someone said fear knock
on the door face open it there was low
there was no one there you see you
eliminate fear through intelligent
action Jase the thing you fear and fear
will leave you
fears caused by the unknown if there's
something you're afraid of go study up
understand it talk to someone who's a
professional in that particular area but
for goodness sake don't let it control
your life anymore
think of the people that are afraid to
go into their own business they're
afraid to move to the place they'd
really like to go
they're afraid to ask the girl or the
guy for a date what are they doing their
life is drying up and shrinking we're
only here for a short time make it a
good get rid of the fear station a state
of emotion that can disconnect us from
the rest of the world is the emotion of
loneliness
we all suffer the misery of loneliness
at some time in our lives
you feel lonely when you experience
yourself and separate and disconnected
from others when the pain of isolation
is overwhelming you feel heartbroken
loneliness is an authentic sign of
unfulfilled social and intimacy needs
when you are emotionally unavailable to
people you detach yourself from people
and as a result you'll experience
loneliness and boredom you have the urge
to connect with other people but you
have fears that stop you from connecting
with other people as a result you
withdraw into yourselves making yourself
unreachable and unavailable to people
who love you many irrational ideas and
assumptions lead to the feelings of
loneliness including thoughts like no
one likes me there's no one available
and everyone is busy and selfish with
their lives and they have no time for me
loneliness can be temporary but
emotional isolation and social phobia
can become clinical cases the message of
loneliness is that it's time to connect
with people it means you really care
about people and you love to be with
them you need to find out what kind of
connection you need with somebody right
now and then take action immediately to
make that happen it means you need to
start enjoying the pleasure of
companionship loneliness is telling you
to overcome all your fears about
trusting people all negative emotions
ask you to change your perceptions they
tell you to change the meaning you
associate with things events or people
certain things if you continue to view
them as painful they'll be painful to
you all through your life if you can
change the meaning attached to almost
anything then you can change the
experience itself one of the dangerous
emotions that can take away your drive
to live a fuller life is the emotion of
self inadequacy or unworthiness the
feeling of unworthiness occurs anytime
we feel we can't do something we should
be able to do this emotion of self
inadequacy is sending you a strong
message pleading you to work on yourself
this is a personal development message
that if you work on certain areas you'll
become better at it and you can achieve
your desired outcome
the message of unworthy feelings is that
you don't presently have a level of
skill or aptitude necessary for the task
at hand it's telling you that you need
more information understanding knowledge
strategies tools and confidence it's an
invitation to build skills to tackle
challenges that are overwhelming one of
the fastest ways to build
self-confidence is to think through
clearly who you are and what you want to
think about the skills that you will
need to build a wonderful life and
career and then to work every day on
becoming better and better at something
that is important to you what happens is
as as you feel better and better in
these skill areas people will compliment
you and say you know you're very good at
that or you did a good job at that or
they'll stand back and be amazed and as
they admire you for your improving
skills your self confidence in your
ability to do that thing goes up and up
when you stop focusing on your growth
and start getting bothered about other
people's growth a person will become
envious Envy is a self destructive
emotion envy results from feeling
deprived not necessarily because you
don't have enough but because someone
has more being around people who are
happy healthy or wealthy when you are in
pain stricken with a debilitating
illness or deprived of an income can
easily stir feelings of envy when you
feel envious interrogate yourself unlock
the boons from this unpleasant emotion
ask yourself some self-improvement
questions how can I make my life better
than what it used to be what are my new
goals and what course of action must I
take to fulfill my goals
what skills must I develop in order to
succeed what is it that I can do to
contribute to the world the emotion of
guilt regret and Ramon
are among the emotions human beings do
most to avoid in life and this is
valuable healthy guilt occurs when you
hurt or wronged another person or
yourself you regret your actions and
feel undeserving wrong stupid ashamed
sorry or disappointed in yourself it
occurs when your anger is turned inward
when you experience the emotion of guilt
it tells you to fix certain things in
life that are fixable and solvable it
invokes your commitment to rise above
your expectations it tells you never
again it tells you no more of this or
enough is enough you feel regretful when
you didn't take the action you should
have or you took the wrong move
violating your gut feelings guilt tells
you that you violated one of your own
highest standards and that you must do
something immediately to ensure that
you're not going to violate that
standard again in the future when guilt
is not handled properly it can turn into
resentment unforgiveness is a toxic
emotion because it does more harm to the
person who is not willing to forgive
forgiveness can be a very difficult step
but one that may be essential to your
getting emotional closure forgiveness is
a liberating experience forgiveness sets
you free remember to analyze these you
haven't forgiven when you still have
regrets when you're not on talking terms
with someone when you still hold grudges
towards someone when you still hold
someone responsible for all your
problems when you still have not
accepted the reality when you hold
negative energy towards someone or
something or when you say I can't forget
the things he or she has done to me
forgiveness really means letting go well
the reality is if you go through life
you're going to be hurt the reality is
every single one of us as human being
has our weaknesses and we do the best
that we can do based on where we are at
in our level of consciousness and there
level of humanity and so if someone has
hurt you and we've all been hurt if
someone has hurt you
please first of all just remember they
were doing the best that they knew how
to do based on where they are at in
their journey through life so forgiving
them is something that not only do they
deserve but forgiving them as a gift you
give yourself I once heard someone say
when you're going through life
I'm not having forgiven someone that has
really hurt you it's like you're
carrying that person through life on
your back forgiveness is not a feeling
that you must passively wait to watch
over you it is a deliberate choice to
free yourself from the burden of
bitterness anger and hatred when you
forgive someone you're literally setting
a prisoner free the greatest human goal
is peace of mind and the greatest
obstacle to peace of mind is anger and
blame aimed at other people in order to
eliminate anger and blame you have to
learn to forgive and there are four
people that you need to forgive if
you're really serious about changing
your life and learning how to live in
the present the first people you have to
forgive are your parents living or dead
you must absolutely forgive them for
every mistake they ever made in bringing
you up at the very least you should be
grateful to them for giving you life
they got you here if you're happy to be
alive you can forgive them for
everything else never complain about
them again
the second persons you must forgive are
the people from your marriages or
relationships that didn't work out these
intimate relationships can be so intense
and so threatening to your feelings of
self-esteem and self-worth that you can
become angry and unforgiving toward
these people for years but remember you ask yourself a question what am i angry
were at least partially responsible for about when you feel low ask yourself
the relationships in your life that what am i sad about how can I be joyful
didn't work out have the personal at this very moment one of these
strength and integrity to say those feelings trying to teach me what is the
magic words I am responsible hidden message in this emotion you are
and then think of ways that you were the source of all your feelings they're
responsible for the relationship rather always responsible for your emotional
than thinking of reasons why the other responses so make your primary focus
person is to blame forgive the other internal blaming others for your
person and let him or her go say these feelings is a waste of your energy
words I forgive him or her for remember people and situations can only
everything and I wish him or her well trigger what is already inside you when
each time you repeat this but negative you get angry people are triggering the
emotion attached to the memory looked existing anger inside you when you feel
diminished sad people and situations are already
almost like turning down the heat on a triggering the sadness inside you you
pot it gets cooler and cooler and soon laugh when your inner joy is turned on
it will be gone forever next time when you're triggered to
now the third person you must forgive is experience an unpleasant emotion you can
everyone else in your life who has ever ask what do I need and want above all
hurt you in any way else here what are my options here
let them go forgive every boss every what's the best way to deal with these
business partner friend or crook or feelings right now
betrayer who has ever caused you grief what's the best way to resolve these
of any kind clean the slate and forgive recurring feelings when you
and forget wipe away each of their names intelligently respond to your emotions
and wipe the images off by just saying you can find the hidden messages of what
whenever you think of I forgive him or that emotion is trying to communicate to
her for everything I wish them well I you
forgive them for everything and I wish
them well the fourth and final person
you have to forgive is yourself you must
absolutely forgive yourself for every
silly senseless wicked brainless
thoughtless or cool thing that you've
ever done or said stop carrying these
past mistakes around with you that was
then and this is now think of it this
way when you did those things in the
past that you still feel badly about you
were not the person that you are today
at that time you're a different person
you're younger and less experienced you
are not your true self as you are today
you were an immature version of the
person that you have become with
experience so stop beating yourself up
for something that occurred in the past
something that a different person did
not you and something that you cannot
change take control of your emotions
name them tame them and use them to
direct your life to greater advantage
when you feel an unpleasant emotion talk
back to that emotion when you feel angry