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Day 31: A Story of Inspiration Archives

8/31/2014 June 2020
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December 2019
November 2019
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August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
“The biggest thing I did was to dive into my strengths- I studied hard and worked hard. I needed April 2019
to accomplish things on my own and I did. I ditched the crappy counselor who was dismissive March 2019
and found one who cared. Doing advocacy work with people who experienced IPV was too February 2019
close to home for me, but I found working for causes of other kinds to be healing.” ~ Domestic January 2019
violence survivor December 2018
November 2018
This quote concludes our “31 Days of Stories” series, but we will continue to share stories of October 2018
survivors through the See the Triumph campaign. These stories fuel our work, and they’ve September 2018
motivated and inspired us to continue our work to end the stigma surrounding intimate partner August 2018
violence. July 2018
June 2018
We hope the stories we shared throughout the month had an impact on you—and most of all, May 2018
that they provided you with a deeper understanding of the dynamics of intimate partner April 2018
violence, as well as the strength, courage, and inspiration of survivors! March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
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December 2017
November 2017
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October 2017
September 2017
"Oh Yes, It Is A Journey" August 2017
8/30/2014 July 2017
June 2017
Note: The following piece was written by one of the anonymous participants in our most recent May 2017
research study. We’ve changed a few of the details that we thought might give clues to her April 2017
identity, but otherwise, the words are hers, and we are so grateful that she shared her story with March 2017
us. Her story reflects so many of the themes we’ve heard from many others who have shared February 2017
their stories with us through our research, too. We were so moved by what she wrote, and we January 2017
hope her words will offer inspiration, encouragement, and hope to others as well. Please note: December 2016
Some of the details in this story are graphic, so please use discretion in deciding whether to November 2016
read further. October 2016
September 2016
************************************ August 2016
July 2016
“Oh yes, it is a journey. It is a journey where you discover that you have been charmed, he
June 2016
May 2016
rewards you for doing it his way, he takes over more and more until you literally lose yourself.
April 2016
You live in a cycle of fear, anticipation, and violence if you disobey.
March 2016
February 2016
Others are brought into the picture to support the abuse rather than the love that is supposed January 2016
to be present. You learn to keep quiet and obey. You slowly decline while he increases and at December 2015
the same time finds new ways to destroy you. November 2015
October 2015
You will look like a crazy woman, a mental patient, all worn out, a shell of a person. People will September 2015
believe him, not you, simply because of how you look. He will take everything that means August 2015
anything to you. One day, he will consider you so used up that you become secondary to July 2015
whoever he has chosen as a new victim(s). June 2015
May 2015
He will want a harem of victims. “Look at you, why don't you go fix yourself up, I don't even April 2015
know if I like you anymore, I have someone new, I want to leave, but I am taking your children March 2015
with me, I am trading you in on two twenty-somethings, why won't you take the rap on bad February 2015
deals like her, here's a list of what I want, do I have to retrain you to do what you are told?” January 2015
December 2014
Eventually the abuse becomes bolder and bolder and very obvious, but he is a charming prince November 2014
and people describe him as a faithful husband in public. You see him choke your son, choke October 2014
your dog, lie about you to others. You see no food, no water, no heat, you are left to freeze in a
September 2014
August 2014
blizzard with no way out with no oil for the furnace.
July 2014
June 2014
You have no phone, no gas for the car. He controls the money. Sometimes, he does not even May 2014
come home for days. You find drugs, guns, strange bills, strange calls. He even goes on April 2014
vacation out of state without telling you he is leaving. March 2014
February 2014
Every morning that he is home, you get raped and forced to watch porn and act out. You know January 2014
that this is not an act of love. You worry about STDs. Sometimes he spits on you during sex or December 2013
ejaculates into your face and eyes. November 2013
October 2013
You think no one will care, no one will believe you, that there is no place to go. If you complain September 2013
about no heat, he holds a gun on you and the kids. It is down to the bare bones of who and August 2013
what you are, having kids, and you know you would be better off on the streets. He comes July 2013
home and injures you to the point where you think I can't run away and he will hurt the kids. June 2013
May 2013
The cops come, the people come to talk to me. I make the DECISION to leave it all. Three April 2013
months of seeing other women, some addicted, some abusive, some abusive counselors and March 2013
professionals, some who have lost it mentally. I struggle to be up at 5 AM to get kids to school, February 2013
to get to appointments to get food benefits, housing, medical. I've never been in the system January 2013
before.
December 2012

RSS Feed
I have to seek a job. Legal matters, court dates, attorneys, counselors, journaling, children's
counseling. My head swims. He is out there when I leave everyday threatening from afar. Each
day I fear the bullet waiting for me. Categories
All
I get a job, I get a car, I get housing, my kids have issues. We treat and sooth the problems. I About Intimate Partner
rediscover myself - I cry because I don't know what I like. I realize how bad I look and fix that. Violence
About Intimate Partner
I give hope to my children. I win the client of the year at the domestic violence agency for Violence
outstanding accomplishments. I cry some more. I go to school and work. I get a [work Advocacy
credential]!! It's my passion. I am looking for a job in my field. Ambassadors
Children
I help others along the way to give them hope and direction to get out of their abuse. I have
Churches
College Campuses
part of my credit rating back, I bought a better car. I have my little garden to play in. My kids
Cultural Issues
are thriving.
Domestic Violence
Awareness Month
I have a 5 year [protective order]. He violated it along the way, but I kept fighting and say thank Financial Recovery
goodness for court advocates to hold my hand and help me breathe when I have to see him in How To Help A Friend
court dates. He tries to get visitation...He is in violation of [the protective order], has other Human Rights
charges, and tried to talk to my children. I go to the police, I go to the prosecutor. I think here I Human-rights
am, it's [been years] and he is still at it! He will not see my children, he will not corrupt them. Immigrants
International
I go back to [the agency], where they welcome me with open arms to talk for hours. I come Media
armed with evidence - court dockets on him to the ceiling. We get an attorney, I sign papers to Overcoming Past Abuse
let them represent me to the court. This time he will not succeed in domestic violence. Overcoming-past-abuse
Parenting
I am free, I know what I like, what I believe in, I recognize abuse when I see it. I see it plenty too Prevention
in the real world, not just from him. It is an ugly thing that is out there that everyone needs to Resources For Survivors
be educated about. Safe Relationships
Following Abuse
I am still fighting. But today, I know that I like the scent of [flowers], I like coffee with cream, I Schools
like to have my bills paid, I love my children, I like to read, I love [my work] and I can help others, Selfcare
I don't have to have sex with anyone, I do not like porn, I know that I am not stupid or ugly, I can
Self-care
Sexual Assault
walk with my head up high. I am a survivor not a victim.”
Sexuality
Social Justice
~ Written by an anonymous research participant, See the Triumph Social-justice
Stigma
Supporting Survivors
Survivor Quotes
Survivor-quotes
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Survivor Stories
Teen Dating Violence
Trafficking
Transformative-
Day 30: A Story of Inspiration approaches
8/30/2014

“I started to trust, believe in myself, and to care and love. I think the one thing I learned to do
was to forgive. It took so much pressure off of me and my family. I got a job, went back to
school and help anyone as much as I could that was experiencing what I did.” ~ Domestic
violence survivor

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"I am healing"
8/29/2014

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Day 29: A Story of Inspiration

8/29/2014

“I went from a pregnant (teenage) wife that dropped out of high school and became a victim of
domestic violence to a independent…woman with a college degree with 3 beautiful children…
working at a domestic violence shelter as an…advocate for victims in our shelter. There is
nothing weak, dumb, incapable about myself. I do presentations in my community to educate
about domestic violence.” ~ Domestic violence survivor

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The Power of Telling One's Story: Part Two--

Finding Your Own Way to Tell Your Story
8/28/2014

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

We learned a lot from the participants in our research about the many ways that people can
share their stories. We want to emphasize that there is no one “right way” to do this. Your story
is your own, and you should only tell it in ways that are comfortable, safe, and meaningful for
you. For some people, this means speaking publicly about past experiences with abuse.
However, there are many reasons why a person may not want to do this, and those reasons are
valid--especially when safety risks are involved. There are many other ways that people can tell
their own stories that may or may not involve sharing with anyone else. Following are a few
examples of the various ways that participants shared with us that they told their stories.

One of the most personal ways to tell one’s story is through writing it down, such as through
keeping a journal. One participant said, “I mentioned before that I am a writer. Writing about the
experiences has helped me process them...Processing the abuse in my own time has allowed
me to understand that it was not my fault and allowed me to personally overcome the stigma
of abuse in my own mind.”

Other people may find it empowering and helpful to tell their stories to people who are close in
their lives, or in a confidential setting like counseling. For example, consider the following
quotes:
“I was in counseling once a week for a year with a counselor who works with women
that have experienced IPV. I have begun to talk about it more openly slowly with
trusted family and friends. I make choices to be honest to myself and my relationships
and work through the times they conflict.”
“I told my close friends. I talk about it frequently to my current boyfriend, who is very
supportive and listens to me when I have a flashback or an anniversary.”
“I only told those I knew I could trust, which is a few and select. I am not out to get
‘special attention’ or to have people feel sorry for me--that has never been me. The
changes in mine and my children lives has been so dramatically different. I am
watching my sons flourish by being nurtured in a safe, secure, and happy home makes
our past 'almost' forgetful. We keep an open line of communication with them and I
encourage them to always talk to me when the nightmares or flashbacks happen.”
These quotes illustrate how important it is to share with others who will be supportive and
nonjudgmental.

For some, speaking publicly is an empowering way to have their story help educate others. Here
are some great examples of this from participants in our research:
“I have become an active voice in the domestic violence awareness/prevention
movement in my community. I am part of our local DV service provider's Survivor
Speakers Bureau, I participate as a presenter in trainings and informational
workshops.”
“After two of my presentations, two women hugged and thanked me profusely for the
talk calling me a ‘blessing’ and sharing that they too had been ashamed and felt more
"free' just hearing my testimony of overcoming. I now mention, as the situation allows,
that I'm a DV survivor. I never did that until after sharing my story publicly.”
“I found my voice again. I started to write about what happened to me. I started
speaking out and becoming active on social media about domestic violence. I will
never not have a voice again. Other people's discomfort with my voice is their issue,
not mine.”
“One of the biggest helps to me has been talking with other women who have been
abused, sexually assaulted, and/or in abusive relationships. Hearing others'
experiences helps me gain a more objective perspective on my own experience, and it
also helps me be more vocal and speak up for myself, because it is easier for me to
feel angry about sexual assault and relationship abuse when I hear about it happening
to other people.”

Of course, regardless of how or when survivors tell their story, it’s important for them to be the
one to make these choices. Some of the participants in our research emphasized the
importance of sharing when the moment is right:
“Talking about it helps. Doing thing like this helps. It makes me feel like I am helping
others. I don't go around and share my experiences much. I don't carry a sign that
says ‘I was raped and abused for 9 years of my life’, but if someone shares that they
are in a similar situation, I'll tell them. I feel it is my duty as a woman.”
“I still tell my story. I don't tell it without prompting but I tell it. People look at me in
shock sometimes because of where I am and who I've become today but I want them
to know that it happens in the least likely of places and homes. I will never stand for
someone even raising their voice to me or making me uncomfortable in my own
home. It takes courage but it's so liberating.”

We hope that our focus this month on the importance of stories has been meaningful to
you, and possibly helped you consider ways to tell your own story and/or support another
person in telling their story. As always, we remain grateful to those who have shared their
stories with us. They inspire us, educate us, and motivate us to continue to work toward
ending the stigma surrounding intimate partner violence through See the Triumph!

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Day 28: A Story of Inspiration

8/28/2014

“I am in college and raising my children on my own. My goal is to be the sole provider for my
children and prove to them all of their dreams can come true and we can do it on our own. I…
want to inspire victims to become survivors. So my education will be used to advocate for
women and children and hopefully start my non-profit to make a positive change in our
community, even though I am told it will never change. I am already looked down upon, so the
way I see it will not hurt me any more to stand up for what is right, and who knows maybe my
voice will be heard.” ~ Domestic violence survivor

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"Grab What I Could Change"

8/27/2014

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Day 27: A Story of Inspiration

8/27/2014

“I am more determined than ever before to be successful. I have my own…business now… I keep
busy...It has changed my life and it was a horrible experience, but I am stronger and there will
never be a man or anyone to tell me what to do as far as being in an intimate relationship and I
will never be controlled. I will be independent and focus on my career, my children, education,
and church activity.” ~ Domestic violence survivor

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The Power of Telling One's Story: Part One--

The Power of the Story
8/26/2014

By Christine Murray, See the Triumph Co-Founder

This month’s focus on “Every Survivor Has a Story” has been an especially meaningful one for
us at See the Triumph. The stories we heard from the survivors of intimate partner violence
who participated in our research are really what drove us to start See the Triumph in the first
place, as we knew that these stories were important ones that needed to be told.

As this month draws to a close, I’ll share some additional quotes from survivors in our research
that highlight both the power of telling one’s story today, and on Thursday, I’ll address the
importance of people finding their own unique ways to do so, either privately or publicly.

One of the main themes we heard from research participants was that telling their story helped
play a role in their healing from the effects of the abuse the experienced. For example, one
participant said, “Just sharing my story has been cathartic. It has been important for me to tell
others that abuse is not just physical; most abuse is actually emotional. Emotional abuse is also
something important to recognize.” Another said, “I'm still struggling a lot with my past abuse.
But talking about it feels so good. It takes some of that emotional weight & anxiety off my
chest.”

We also heard from several participants that talking about their stories helped them to
overcome stigma and empower themselves. Consider, for example, the following quotes:
“I also learned to talk about what happened to me. By not being embarrassed about
what happened I claim power of the stigma.”
“I am not afraid to talk about it because it wasn't my fault I didn't deserve what
happened to me. No woman does.”
“I decided to stop feeling embarrassed and ashamed and started to speak out about
it. I am a lot more open about it, not afraid to admit I was a victim. I still get some
people who shut down over it, but I will not hide like an ashamed victim anymore.”
“Talking about my situation empowers me. Learning about the dynamics of abuse
including power and control changed my mind and gave me knowledge I did not have
before to cope and heal or to advocate for myself and others.”
“I actually tell as many people as I can.........I think that silence protects these animals.”

In many ways, telling one’s story can be a powerful experience for survivors, and it also sends a
strong message to others. As one participant said, “It's not an easy road, it has taken me years
to be able to speak to others about my experiences. I have to speak boldly and with confidence
in order to help save others and as a clear message to abusers that a human spirit can never be
broken beyond repair. I've become a warrior myself in the fight against domestic violence. The
more I reveal the less power the circumstances hold over me.”

Indeed, there is power in telling one’s story. Stories hold the potential for healing, for
overcoming, and for educating others. Let’s continue to work together so that survivors’
stories are honored and heard!

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