The art of

self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 6: May 8, 2015

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]

 Class 6

Photo by Alan [link]

 Vulnerability

Photo by Alan [link]

 Where are we
going?
Shame & empathy
Vulnerability myths (& questions)
Meta-emotion

Photo by Alex Eflon [link]

 How will we
get there?
Stories in small groups
One coaching conversation

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 Agenda
Small groups 35 mins
Concepts 25 mins
A coaching conversation 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins

Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]

 Shame &
empathy

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Shame &
empathy
Seeking help can trigger shame (in some form)
So can any expression of vulnerability
Empathy is the antidote
Shame &
empathy
But typical responses often block empathy
“My problem’s worse”
“Look on the bright side”
“Here’s some advice…”
Shame &
empathy
Instead…
Avoid judgment
Acknowledge feelings
Express understanding
 Vulnerability
A vulnerability story
I’ll start

Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]

 Vulnerability
Now it’s your turn
4 minutes to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key

Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]

 Vulnerability
How might you push yourself?
What would be too far?
Reflect for a minute

Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]

 What happened?

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 Self-awareness

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 Self-awareness
What do I know about myself?
Am I aware of my thoughts & feelings?

Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]

Crucible stories

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Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy

Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

Vulnerability
myths
Brené Brown
Vulnerability = weakness or oversharing
I don’t “do” vulnerability
I can go it alone
Vulnerability
questions
So…
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
Meta-emotion

Photo by Franco Folini [link]

Meta-emotion
John Gottman
How do we feel about how we feel?
Meta-emotion
Feelings & thoughts about emotion
Yet another set of mental models
Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers
Meta-emotion
Potential factor with any emotions
Particularly with vulnerability
Meta-emotion
(A metaphor)
 Meta-emotion
(+)
BEHAVIOR
CHANGE

(-)

INTENSITY
 Meta-emotion
Remorse
Embarrassment

(+)
BEHAVIOR Regret Guilt
CHANGE

(-)
Shame
INTENSITY
Meta-emotion
Managerial goal? Remorse > guilt > shame
Evoke just the right emotion
Meta-emotion
Self-coaching goal? Comfort with discomfort
Acclimate through emotional experiences
 Self-awareness
What are my mental models about emotion?
How do my meta-emotions influence me?

Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]

Why this matters
A powerful tool when we can manage it
A destructive force when we can’t
Build connections…or fail to
Build a culture, regardless
 For next time…

Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

 Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?
Note: David Foster Wallace in Class 8

Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]