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Reichmond Legaspi Bantilan September 07 2020

BSP – 1A Prof. Mark Louie Ca ñete

Reflection Paper # 1

“Hear Me Out!”
A reflection paper on my journey to rediscovering faith and accepting the flaws of the church.

Bearing the question “why study theology?” made me think about the tales I will share and the
goodness of my experience with faith and how it motivated me to be where I am today,
overcome challenges and breakthrough ceilings with god beside me. But that would be a lie,
that is not my story. Hear me out.

Born in a religious family, I was raised with the competence and beliefs that my family stood for
and practiced for years, these teachings had been an integral part of my life growing up as I
observe and abide by the rules and principles of catholic faith. However, despite all the
blessings I receive and guidance of wisdom I treasure from my family, I found myself lost in a
sea of questions and doubt only my god. My faith, my family. Believing this document would
remain confidential in every way possible between me and my professor, I open my book and
spread out the pages, hear me out.

In my childhood, living with my parents have not been easy emotionally, all families have flaws,
that is why I do not blame my parents for having their differences and truth, in fact I admire
them for that, in a way you could say I accepted our family’s situation long before I could learn
to add numbers. Yes, it was not easy. But I did not go at it alone. I have my twin brother with
me, who has been my partner and solitude up until now, my mom who bravely raised the two
of us on her own despite the odds that are stuck against her. Having said this, she is not
bulletproof, she sought strength and guidance from god to help her raise two boys with proper
principles and values of good men, to that I appreciate her. We never missed a religious
celebration; our family is not the most religious one out there, but we do what we can to show
our faith. Having said that I was brought up believing god is the center of it all, I pray every
night, I keep a rosary in my pocket wherever I go, I wear bracelets that bear the name and
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symbol of Christ, when asked about my dream destination I reply Rome immediately, even to a
point where I wanted to be a priest when I grow up. That is how highly I see god and his
purpose in my life. But that was understandable. I was a child, did not know anything about the
world. Little did I know how that will change soon after. Hear me out.

Entering my teenage years I already have my doubts with the church I find myself cringing at
some of the stuff the priest say during masses cause I disagree with it, id roll my eyes over
when hearing testament of people who say one must do this cause the bible said so. Yet having
my doubts and disagreements, I kept it all inside, fear of judgement, rejection. Hear me out.

I am not pretending, I still have my faith and can somewhat agree on the teaching of the
church, I now just have my reservations, I listen to what I believe is eight and block off any
stupid thing I hear from the church. Can you believe that? Me, calling the church stupid. In spite
all the “blessings” I have received over the years, despite being led to success by god. I was
ashamed of it at first, I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought it’s the work of
the devil hahaha, yes I meant to laugh, cause for all I know faith, god, religion is created by
men. Men who seeks control and manipulation over vulnerable people to take advantage of
them, do this you’ll go to heaven, do this you’ll go to hell, it was accepted by people who seek
purpose in life who needed to be lead and follow a god that can shoulder their responsibilities,
that’s not me , not anymore. Hear me out.

Over the years god existed became poor and poor in my book. Cause in many ways he
disappoints me, can you imagine, me, in spite being blessed with much, be disappointed with
god. Well I can, and I am. People suffer despite having a god who is all about love, they say god
tests people, to see if they’re strong and will have the courage to pry to him, they say that he
gives us hardships so wed remember him, well if that’s true, then god must me an attention
seeking jerk who needs validation all the time. Hear me out.

It was a lie, over the past few minutes I have written this document feeling confident about my
opinions and reservations with religion, with god, but I would be dishonest to myself if I do not
accept the fact that I am scared, as one who was raised to believe someone is watching over
me at all times, its scary to leave the comforts of religion. To be out in the world full of vultures
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and crows. I do not resent the church, I may disagree with some of its teachings, but I refuse to
let it overshadow the goodness that religion possess, in a way it bridged millions of people
together and gave them that I think is the essence of religion. Hope. That is the very answer I
believe as to why people and I should still study theology despite our doubts and
disagreements, for where there is hope, there is goodness.

May this course bring back my trust and strengthen my faith, in this time of uncertainty and
pain it easy to believe that there is no god, hence the confusion and suffering at times. But I
would like to believe that god watches, and that he is in pain as he sees his children suffer. May
I find my purpose in faith and discover myself as a friend of god. I still have questions, I still have
doubts and I still and will disagree with the church so as I believe what their saying is wrong, I
hope this course help me be understand and know more about d=faith, about religion, about
god. Still much to learn, still much to say, hear me out.