Mental or psychological abuse being domestic violence too!

Do you feel scared or confused around your family members? Do you often doubt
yourself when you’re talking with them? Do you think you’re not good enough for
them? If you feel like a burden to your family, you may be experiencing mental
abuse. Mental abuse is a form of domestic or family violence.
Domestic violence is a very common issue in brown households. Domestic
violence is any behavior to gain control or power over a person in a family.
Mental abuse is just as serious as physical abuse and often precedes it. In worst
cases, they happen together. All of us have experienced it in our lifetime more or
less. The abuser can be the parents or the children or the spouse as well. No
matter who it is, nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Mental abuse often occurs when abuser thinks it’s acceptable or somehow
justified, and less likely to be reported. Since mental abuse doesn’t result in
physical evidence such as bruising or malnutrition, it can be very hard to
recognize. Anger, drugs or other problems don’t really cause abuse; it is a
behavior that can be learned from one’s surroundings. The abusers main aim is to
frighten or isolate someone. It includes verbal abuse, threats, public humiliation,
personal devaluation, destructive criticism, gas lighting, refusal to ever be pleased
etc. Mental/psychological abuse makes a person question their self-worth;
sometimes their entire existence too. It also makes them lose their psychological
integrity. The worst part is most of the time the abuser is not even aware of
his/her actions. Sometimes, the victim doesn’t realize he/she is being abused.
Mental abuse includes:
 Humiliation or constantly criticizing.
 Control and shame.
 Blaming, scapegoating and denial.
 Using offensive topics or sarcasm to hurt someone as a “joke”.
 Threatening, shouting at a child.
 Unnecessary yelling and calling inappropriate names.
 Invading your privacy without your permission.
 Punishing you for not going along with what they want.
If you’re being mentally abused, know that it isn’t right and nobody has the right
over you to make you live this way. I repeat. NOBODY.

In our society, mental health is not considered as alarming as physical abuse to

notice the red flags. In most cases, it is worse because scars of mental abuse are
long-lasting and real. Mental abuse affects one’s mental health constantly. So, it is
equally important to identify the signs and take immediate actions against it.
Always remember, a dying person can die peacefully if he is in a better mental
place. On the other hand, a totally fine person, with no physical issues, can die
internally or brutally if he is not doing well mentally. Know the difference and
understand the importance of mental health.

Mental abuse affects a person in many different ways. Such as – having confusion,
fear, hopelessness, shame. This emotional toll can also result in behavioral and
physical side effects. You may also experience difficulty concentrating, moodiness,
muscle tension, nightmares, racing heartbeat, various aches and pains. Over time,
these can contribute to low self-esteem and depression. You may also develop
anxiety, social withdrawal or loneliness, chronic pain, guilt, insomnia. It is worse
than how it sounds. Sometimes, constant mental abuse can lead to serious health
conditions like chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.

So, what are the ways we can prevent domestic psychological abuse?
- On an individual level:
 Know the signs and don’t ignore it.
 Try to have a constructive conversation with the
abuser.
 Disengage and set personal boundaries. 
 Avoid people who treat you terribly.
 Try to manage your stress and work on your
insecurities.
 Make a list of your strengths, achievements and what
you admire about yourself, and challenge any negative
thoughts about yourself.
  Be a resource. If you know someone who is being
mentally abused, help them to get all the help you can.
 Make it clear to them that it’s over and don’t look
back. If possible, cut all ties with them. Exit the
relationship or circumstance.

- On social level:
 Take necessary steps to create mental health
awareness in the society.
 Make people understand mental health is no joke and
it needs to be taken seriously as soon as possible.
 Educate people about how deadly mental abuse is,
that it can cause someone’s death.
 People should be empathized to the point where
anyone can come to them for help and they won’t be
disappointed.
- On familial level:
 Stay with a trusted family member or friend if you can
stay with them while you work out what to do next.
 Know your rights and take legal help.
 Make time for the victims, communicate and validate
their feelings towards the abuse.
 Stop promoting domestic psychological abuse
unknowingly.
 Know that mental abuse is much more than just “get
used to it” or “deal with it”.
 The effects of mental abuse are not signs of being a
“crazy” person. Offer specific support to the victim to
get all kind of medical treatment without judgement.
 Break the stereotypes of “this kind of event happens
in a family. Don’t make a big deal out of it” or “We are
your parents, we want the best for you”. Nothing can
justify your abuse towards the victim. What you’re
doing is wrong, and it will always be wrong no matter
what.
Other than these, If you feel comfortable, you can talk to a teacher or guidance
counselor. Give yourself time to heal. You might also want to find a therapist who
can show you a healthy way to move forward. Leaving the relationship is more
complex if you’re married, have children, or have commingled assets. If that’s
your situation, seek legal assistance.

Family is the only place we always consider safe. We look up to our family
members more than they understand. Their behavior towards people in the
family reflects the person we’re going to be in the future. So, be wise choosing
your words. We don’t want to fight with our own blood. If we can’t rely on our
family members, where else we’re going to seek for help.

Practice empathy at home. Be kind. According to a very famous phrase “Home

Sweet Home”, let our home be our own place of mental peace and happiness.