·One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult

life is to encourage them to take a part time job. Use specific reasons and examples to
support your answer.
Having a glimpse of the current situation in job market around the globe, we may
curious (be curious, curious 是 adj,不能作为动词) about the various part-time job
opportunities（这个背景句应该最主要写，part-time job 的好处，比如 part-time
job 可以扮演什么样的角色等等，因为说市场上有很多 part-time job 对这个题目
并没有什么直接的联系）Children, especially college students, grasp every chance
to get a part time job. Some people claim that it takes up children’s free time and
disturbs them from focusing on studies. However, I think this is a misunderstanding,
taking a part time job is a considerable way to enrich teenagers’ life experiences and
prepare for adult life. Therefore, I consent that it is wise for parents to encourage their
teenage children to take a part time job.(98)

The first thing comes to my mind is that the part time job experiment (experiences)
can help teenagers get to know some useful interpersonal skills or improve
personality. (个性一般不用提高个性，improve skills/cultivate ability of xxx)
If a person who wants to success, he should not only have good skills but
also be able to handle（一般 handle 是来形容 handle xxx problems，这里可
以形容 establish a good relationship with others） interpersonal relationships
well. Whether a person understands how to deal (同样的问题)interpersonal
relationships or not, even may influence his future career. (这里讲 part-time
job 对人际关系的帮助，这个联系还是要继续强化的，否则变成了单纯是在人
际关系的好处而忽略了和题目中的联系)Take me as an example, as a student
representative sometimes I am asked for having a talk with all eyes on. (在公
共场合要发表讲话是：I need to make a speech in front of the whole class/ I
need to make a speech in public)The first time I was so shy and nervous that
I could not express my ideas clearly. But after several months’ training, I can
speak my own opinion fluently and confidently, (逗号不能连接两个词组，你可
以用 and)make more and more students trust me as well. In this way,
Children can no longer be afraid of interacting with others, which is also good
method for children prepare for their adult life.(254)(这个例子主要问题是和你
的小论点不太符合，你的小论点写的是，part-time job 会给你带来改善人际关
系的 skill 但是你并没有体现这一点，你的小例子中没有体现你去参加 part-time
job 然后带来这一改变，你的例子可以写，你参加了 part-time job 以后，你的
胆量变大，善于和别人交朋友之类的)

Furthermore, it is significant for teenagers to expand their friends’ circle.

（widen social circle） I can make more friends from different countries such
as Japan, Canada and America with the same interest through do（doing）
part time jobs. We could have pleasant conversation not only about the
academic information such as history, biology and economics, but also about
the international events. If teenagers always study at school, they can only
meet their classmates and teachers. This kind of friends' circle is too tedium.
Those people have more experiences in their lives and it is more valuable to
make friends who are better than themselves are (are 删掉).Because those
friends can give more valuable and more experienced suggests(suggestions).
The people a person(重复可以删掉一个) needs the most is not who always
have fun with but is who can offer the useful advices.（advice 不可数，不可
以加 s） Therefore, having the friends who children meet at the job is more
valuable for their future lives. This proves the importance of getting part time
job.(160)(这一段缺乏例子，其实你可同样举例子，比如你可以说你或者你同学
参加 part-time job 然后遇到各种各样在学校平常接触不到的人，然后你的视野
就更加开拓了)

In a word, there is the best way to help teenage children to get ready for adult
life than encourage them to take a part-time job. It has always been a mystery
to me why some parents, who desperately want their children to be
responsible, independent and successful, obstinately maintain that teenagers
should not take a part-time job.(60)（非常奇怪：文章的最开头你是同意 take
part time job 是最好的方法，但是你的结尾却和你的开头意见不一致，你觉得
它不是最好的方法，这个问题很重要，首尾要一致！）