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By: DALE CARNEGIE

Prepared by: RINKAL SHUKLA
 

¢ Background Information

¢ Parts I-
I-IV of the book
 @ 

¢ November 24, 1888 - November 1, 1955

¢ Born poor then became a teacher
¢ oved to sales
¢
rote How to
in«& 6 more
¢ Began D.C. courses
¢ Died of Hodgkin·s Disease
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¢ irst modern self-

self-help book
¢ It provides advice on:
-dealing with others
-gaining influence
-becoming successful
-motivating others
å Requires sincerity
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1. Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions,
discover new ambitions.
2. ake friends quickly and easily.
3. Increase your popularity.
4.
in people to your way of thinking.
5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth
and pleasant.
7. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

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¢ A deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to

increase your ability to deal with people.
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å Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most
fools do. But it takes character and self-
self-control to be under
under--
standing and forgiving.
å Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive
and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is
dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his
sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
å
hen dealing with people, let us remember we are not
dealing with creatures of logic.
e are dealing with creatures of
emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride
and vanity.
 Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to
figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and
intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
"To know all is to forgive all.µ

As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until
the end of his days. "
hy should you and I?

¢

     
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¢ There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms
from superiors.
¢ If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they
actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve
by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
¢ The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is
sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other
from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally
admired; the other universally condemned.

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¢ Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this
person want to do it?µ

¢ This question will stop you from rushing into a situation

heedlessly, with futile chatter about your desires.

¢ "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the
other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own." That is so simple, so obvious, that
anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the
people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.

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-Instead try positive reinforcement
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-eeling of Importance
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-People are interested in their own wants
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¢ Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn't
have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give
milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving
you nothing but love.
¢ one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the
most sought-
sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in
them.
¢ If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real
friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help
yourself, keep this principle in mind.

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¢ Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you, You
make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make
such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of
their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.

¢ The effect of a smile is powerful.

¢ Don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. irst, force
yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum
a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend
to make you happy.

¢ The Value Of A Smile At Christmas It costs nothing, but creates

much.

¢ "There is nothing either good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but

thinking makes it so."
¢ Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure
way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness
doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner
conditions.

¢ ¢
 
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¢ ost people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they
don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat
and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for
themselves; they are too busy.

¢ The importance of remembering and using names is not just the

prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for all of us.

¢
 
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¢ If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at
you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe:
Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If
you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for
him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a
sentence.
¢ So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive
listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other
persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about
themselves and their accomplishments.

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There is only one way

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¢ You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact.
You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that
you are important in your little world. You don't want to listen to
cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You
want your friends and associates to be, "hearty in their approbation
and lavish in their praise." All of us want that. So let's obey the
Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give
unto us, How?
hen?
here? The answer is: All the time,
everywhere.
¢ Little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "
ould you be so
kind as to ----?
----? " "
on't you please?" "
ould you mind?" "Thank
you" - little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous
grind of everyday life-
life- and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of
good breeding.

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-people are interested in themselves.
-listen
-remember key facts
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-enthusiasm when greeting
-smile when on the phone
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-favorite word
-use with a few personal details
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-different from active listening
-ask more questions
-listen to complaints to ease tensions
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-find out about their interests
-ask ? about their interests
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-recognize tangible contributions
-avoid flattery
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¢ You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.

hy?
ell, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his
argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then
what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel
inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And ²

¢ If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory
sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get
your opponent's good will.

¢ So figure it out for yourself.
hich would you rather have, an academic,
theatrical victory or a person's good will? You can seldom have both.
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¢ Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-

so-and
and--so to you."
That's bad. That's tantamount to saying: "I'm smarter than you are,
I'm going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your
mind.µ

¢ That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener

want to battle with you before you even start. In other words, don't
argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don't
tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred up. Use a little
diplomacy.

¢
 
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¢
hen we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to
our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be
surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our
mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique
produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more
fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

¢ Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but
by yielding you get more than you expected.µ

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¢ In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on

which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing
- the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible,
that you are both striving for the same end and that your only
difference is one of method and not of purpose.

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¢ ust people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too

much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out.
They know more about their business and problems than you do.
So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things. If you
disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don't. It
is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have
a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently
and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to
express their ideas fully.

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¢ The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred
mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able
to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be
above men, putted himself below them; wishing to be before them,
he putted himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above
men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them,
they do not count it an injury.µ

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¢ There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does.
erret out that reason - and you have the key to his actions, perhaps
to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you
say to yourself, "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in
his shoes?" you will save yourself time and irritation, for "by
becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the
effect." And, in addition, you will sharply increase your skill in
human relationships.
¢ an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other
person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle as
well as your own - if you get only that one thing from this book, it
may easily prove to be one of the stepping - stones of your career.

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¢
ouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop
arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the
other person listen attentively?

¢ Three-
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and
thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

¢ So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in

practice

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¢ every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-
self-expression.
The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what
makes foot-
foot-races and hog-
hog-calling and pie-
pie-eating contests. The desire to
excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.¢ Principle 12 - Throw down
a challenge.

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-start the conversation with $  praise.
-A pleasant tone of voice can make a big difference!
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-Ask yourself, why would he/she want to do what I ask?
-
here do our opinions on the topic differ?
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-Environment saturated with info.
-Emphasize what both parties agree on
-momentum of the conversation
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-People take actions«
-one or more
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¢ Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with
Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-
pain-
killing. A leader will use «

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¢ Simply changing one three-

three-letter word can often spell the difference
between failure and success in changing people without giving
offense or arousing resentment. any people begin their criticism
with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a
critical statement. or example, in trying to change a child's
careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "
e're really proud
of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had
worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better."

¢ An effective way to correct others' mistakes is ...

¢
 
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¢ It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the

person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far
from impeccable.

¢ A good leader follows this principle:

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¢ An effective leader will use ...

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¢ Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only
destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. The legendary rench
aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-
Saint-Exup§
Exup§ry Úr y wrote: "I have no
right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.
hat
matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself.
Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime." A real leader will always follow
...

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¢ Look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise
have sharply changed your entire future. History is replete with
striking illustrations of the sheer witchery raise.

¢ Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do

almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody
wants flattery :Compared with what we ought to be, we are only
half awake.
e are making use of only a small part of our physical
and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human
individual thus lives far within his limits. Abilities wither under
criticism; they blossom under encouragement. To become a more
effective leader of people, apply ..

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¢ If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the

attitude or behavior of others, use «

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¢ If you want to help others to improve, remember «

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1. $ 
$ .. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver.
orget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the
benefits to the other person.
2. 45  what it is you want the other person to do.
3%   .
  . Ask yourself what is it the other person really
wants.
4. #$  
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you suggest.
5-  $
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6.
hen you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to
the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
¢ It is naÒ
naÒve to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from
other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience
of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes
this way than by not using these principles - and if you increase
your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10
percent more effective as a leader than you were before - and that is
your benefit. People are more likely to do what you would like
them to do when you use «

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-Harsh criticism can discourage others
- Ask him/her to consider other points-
points-of
of--view
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-Effect this has
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ould it make sense to call the client first?
hat do you
think?
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-Help others avoid embarrassment

-Effect embarrassment has

-If you must give criticism, do so in private!

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1.
elcome disagreements: „
 

  


2. Stay calm:      
 
3. Listen first:    
4. Identify areas of agreement:     
5. Admit your errors so they can do the same: 
  
6. If no resolution, delay action, think more:  
  

   
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¢ Anecdotes

¢ Applicability to current issues

¢ Updating

¢ Living by principles in book

¢ y work experience
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