A Practical Revision Strategy - Our Sentence Opening Sheet

To save teachers time while teaching the writing process, The Stack the Deck Writing Program
includes four labor-saving devices:

 a scoring rubric for assessment,

 a think sheet for brainstorming
 a sentence opening sheet for revision, and
 a checklist sheet for peer evaluation.
Beginning with Check the Deck, each writing assignment has its own specially designed rubric,
think sheet, and checklist sheet.

The College Board asked our permission to include our most lauded teaching device, the
sentence opening sheet (SOS), in A Guide for Advanced Placement English Vertical Terms.

Here is the reprint of the article:

The Sentence Opening Sheet (SOS) is a useful tool that allows students to contrast the writing of
two authors, to study the style of single author, and to improve the effectiveness of their own
writing. A column labeled "Special Features" allows the teacher to identify elements that focus on
a particular assignment (e.g., imagery, periodic sentence, figurative language, etc.) The first step
is for students to fill in a chart similar to the one following:

Sentence First Four Special Verbs No. of Words

Number Words Features Per Sentence

1
The following chart of the third paragraph of Normal Mailer's Benny Paret article reveals Mailer's
mastery of diction, skilled imagery, and manipulation of sentence length to reflect the content. For
example, a glance at sentence nine, which recounts Paret's fall, illustrates this idea. The lengthy
sentence (31 words) is a series of clauses slipping irrevocably into one another, even as Paret
slides slowly to the floor. Mailer consciously manipulates syntax to stress the meaning and effect
of the sentence.

Sentence First Four Special Verbs No. of Words

Number Words Features Per Sentence
1 And Paret 2
2 Paret died on died 5
3 And he took those personification took, happened, 18
was
4 Some part of his reached 9
5 One felt it hover personification hover 7
6 He was still was standing, 51
standing trapped, had been,
gave, were saying,
did know, was
going, came
7 He began to pass 5
8 As he passed, so consonance 16
9 He wet down more simile 31
10 As he went down simile 25
When the chart is completed, it is examined by the student alone, by a peer group, or by the
teacher together with the student.

2
5. Examine the syntax of a Student Composition Using Sentence Beginning Activity

As a revision technique for a student's own writing, completion of a chart may signal various
writing problems, (repetitiveness in sentence opening, possible run-ons or fragments, passive
voice, poor verb choice, lack of variety of sentence lengths, etc.) This technique allows students
to revise not only grammatical errors and usage errors but also to strengthen the meaning and
effectiveness of their writing.

Students will use their charts to revise their own writing. For example, the chart that appears
below of the first paragraph of one student's essay about Mailer's Benny Parent article reveals a
number of problems. Thus, the student may wish to revise his composition after noting the
following problems:

Sentence First Four Special Verbs No. of Words

Number Words Features Per Sentence
1 In an article writes, describes 16
2 Miller writes, is, loses 17
3 Miller says that the says, reflects 15
4 After examining believes, 40
the fight suggests, is,
reveals
5 The fight is an is, penetrates 18
6 The fight is also also is 10
7 Because of the fights 6
way
Repetition of identical sentence structure and especially of sentence openings in Nos. 2 and 3
and in Nos. 5 and 6. Revise to improve sentence variety.

Excessive use of the verb "to be" and several repetitions of "says" and "writes." Revise to use
more powerful verbs.

Possible opportunity for sentence combining with Nos. 2 and 3 and with Nos. 5 and 6. Revise to
improve rhythm and to ensure that syntax enhances meaning.

Possible grammatical problems. Evaluate No. 4 for possible run-on sentence. Evaluate No. 7 for
possible fragment.

3
Possible use of the short, powerful sentence structure but also possible choppiness. Evaluate
Nos. 6 and 7 to see if the ideas of the sentences are important enough to be singled out by a
short sentence structure or if the ideas of the sentences are enhanced by the short sentence
structure.

Much of the power of language arises from the way diction and syntax enhance meaning. Since
this is true of good writing at all reading levels, every teacher on a vertical team can and should
focus on the examination of these elements of language as their pupils become both students of
literature and writers themselves.

Contact Stack the Deck

The Stack the Deck Writing Program

PO Box 5352 | Chicago, IL 60680
(phone) 312-675-1000 | (toll free) 800-253-5737
(fax) 312-765-0453 | (email) stackthedeck@sbcglobal.net